mercy granted but never taken
talking to the dead of winter
talking to the spirit of a warm long ago
make us then cast in doubt
clothed in deception
cloaked in stupid tricks
disguised as us ourselves
invisible for all see
wow the whole world is but a stage mama
and we’re all co-stars in some two bit space opera
but fuck i am impressed by your method acting style
one could get sick of it easily i guess… its relentless enough
this kind of melodrama causes one to eventually to become detached tho
there is only so much florid slapstick cliche one can absorb
reckless headlong falls into chasms of mindless pointless darknesses
you could lose your way down there
you might never be able to get back out
who will search for us in the ruins of bitter homes….?
karma binds me to its wheel
i sow i reap my grapes of wrath
and i love/hate its dirty taste that i get drunk on
yeah thats my vintage yeah thats my poison
i come staggering up streets bursting into living rooms
ten men to hold me down
poisonous snake voice in my ear
yes yes the one who tempted eve
and the same one who whispers to every traitor and ponce
the same one who whispers to the loser in the betting shop
the same one who whispers to junk sick fuckwits
who pick up the shooter over n over expecting different ending
yeah oh i know the voice who doth whisper in your ear my dear
and he has many many names i’m sure you heard some on your rounds
is there an ear in which
he does not spin his bewildering intoxicating murmurings ?
what is it that makes us so simultaneously righteous and yet mistaken ?
the voice continues
listen to me
you will do everything i say please
and you inwardly nod yes ok
you are released to create havoc
run amok or disappear
break new unique taboos yes yes mmmmm
by the way have some more of your favourite thing
(insert heroin booze crack gambling eating beating cheating or whatever)
you must be feeling tired with all this persecution
you should relax with a little of the good stuff the naughty naughty stuff
the top shelf over the counter black label poison that is ruinous to mankind
maybe its real hard to find
you’ll find it
maybe it will be easy to find
then strike while the iron is red hot
and then the voice says
fuck them because they fucked you
and you fucked it up so fuck you too
fuck all the onlookers for they shalt get involved
and fuck people chasing after you for they were all fools
if fooled by the likes of you and me so easily fooled and foolishly
yeah sure sure i borrowed from peter to pay fucking paul
i borrowed from samson scissors for delilah
i lent a guy something once though thats for sure
so fuck them in the past they shall be forgotten conveniently
and fuck em in the future coz it aint gonna be pretty without me
and fuck all the ignorant they will become aware of my thrashing
and fuck the aware there nowhere anyway
fuck all those strangers out there what did they do for us?
fuck all the closest because they will end up meek as mice or wild like bulls
fuck all the rules fuck all the regulations
don’t try to rationalise it just fuck em n be done with it!
the voice pauses as if thinking
I will help you build up such fascinating little lies you will be thrilled
careful though not too many at once..oh no ..youve overdone it….again..!
turn down the saturation now a bit
these green skin tones are vivid yes but…
listen to me…
try again
don’t give up
the perfect lie is still out there like a great song waiting to be written
the voice stopped for awhile and then went on in a more confidential whisper
the great lie will be a work in progress for a while
practice on others at first yes
but eventually the great lie you will tell yourself
i cannot tell you that great lie in words
it will unfurl of its own accord a seed within fertile earth
it will grow and devour its own roots leaving its causes untraceable
beautiful beautiful lie for each man and woman unique
each interwoven so carefully the villains and the jerks
the idiots who get used
the idiots who get used up
the idiots who used you
the idiots who used you up uselessly
be subtle beautiful lie not next mans nightmare
be sweet and tender
be soul surrender
oh my lie fuck me fuck me over fuck me up
oh my lie fuck my brains out
oh great lie then fuck me dead
the wonderful clever ambiguous lie
moving under logics iffy radar
passing itself as a real emotion in the market of your heart
standing and commiserating with you at the bar
all those bastards out there are all fucked!
the loveliest lie the very best lie….?
oh but you must live it so well you must be an imitation of anti-christ
where christ was wise you will be stupid
where he was kind you will be senselessly hurtful
where he was merciful so shall you find yourself vindictive
the lie will fill your mouth with its unspoken words
which will hatch on the breezes like tiny woes
stinging everyone and causing bad reactions
often total avoiding of all concerned
displeasure sweeps through the bit players who separate you from the poison
anxiety may enter through your entrails at this point
you must cling to your lie if you are to succeed
succeed in what?
i cannot tell you your mission
each man and womans use of their great secret lie is their choice
the more you put in
the less you can ever take out
your mission will be some form of dismay
you will incite anger you will create a vague and incomprehensible chaos
you will break off little bits of the one true lie
and from this you will now be able to model little lies
of originality and breathtaking obviousness
when people hear your smaller lies they will think
why have i never heard that before in my life?
that is simply marvellous! that is simply superb!
you will pull together weird combinations of characters stung by their own lie
you will put characters from wrong time sequences in erroneous places
it won’t be all hard work
there will be some lying around stoned into a black stupor
or writhing around like a louse in an electric lice comb
or screaming silently in a dream you couldn’t get out of
or twitching like a drunk in a pharmacy
the lie is therefore becoming alpha and omega
it tries and sentences and executes its own suspects
it investigates the one million trespasses of enemy
it examines the same evidence over and over until its evaporated away
its the answer before you ask
the suggestion in your ear
your excuse your rationale your alibi your last defiant words to a traitor who’s had enough
now go out there
abdicate from society if you like
why do what they want you to do when you don’t have to?
someone will come along and sort it all out….
yes people will forgive us if we tread on their toes
we can miss stuff out here and there
we can lie to the lie and the lie can lie back
the voice had stopped
i listened but heard nothing
the sea pounding the shore
the light tap of the rain
the wind in the trees which is whispering something as well
i wonder if the wind blows your little lies
on and up to me as i stand here listening….
Hey you! Could I possibly send a money order to your PO Box for Isidore 2? As in, the CD version? Please…..? (Have e-mailed ‘Sam’ thru the website, no reply as yet….would really like to hear it….) Downloading doesn’t work for me ~ it ain’t the same…
don’t have a po box anymore
What about the ‘little truths’, and the Great Truths. They exist, too. So hard to find, but not really. They exist within your True Self, which is angry enough at everything to write today’s words of truth. Truth if you go down that path. If you….choose to. Spit it out then get over it. Truth and love heal the poison. The poison is there from the choices made. Some choices bring more love, freedom, joy, truth. Some choices lead us further away, so we can then feel more pain, all the more to wake up and say ‘NO MORE!!!!’ HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FUCKING CONDITION!!! Then, change it. You can, you’re eternal. We all are. Check out http://www.azurite.com, or even better, http://www.apmceo.com.au/. The information is there on the state of….things. The distortions, the fuck-ups, the geometries, the implants, & what you can do about it. Not too late, Kilbey. Never too late. Get on board….unless you find it….boring! Blessings
‘i come staggering up streets bursting into living rooms
ten men to hold me down’
That part really sticks with me.
The perfect visual to sum it all up.
I’m sorry to say you look really sad in the photo… maybe I just lied. It is good to feel, better than not feel. I will try to be as truthful as I can. I spent today pretty much alone and hardly spoke except to my daughter and a few people I just ordered things from. Part of me really loves the idea of never speaking again and becoming a hermit. I sometimes wonder if i am an autist who has learnt how to function. I saw a film ‘Elena’ and it seemed very realistic to me. Two female characters: the quiet Elena. The cynical Katya. I felt i understood them both very well. After the film, I lay on a park bench for a while and thought wouldn’t it be nice to be homeless? The sun was shining but there was a cool wind. So the wind reminded me I was kidding myself. I felt I hated people who looked at me except for smiling children. Maternal instinct led me back to pick up my daughter at the right time, bring her home, hang out the washing and cook dinner. I feel like I know very little else except I was surprised to see some spring flowers out already, some parts of the art gallery I hadn’t seen before and the beauty of the harbour.I did wonder how Virginia W felt when she drowned herself. I am happy my daughter had a good day. I took some reasonable photos. I know my addiction to art and beauty esp in gardens I don’t tend is probably objectively a kind of bullshit. I also know I am sometimes happiest and free-est in that kind of outwardly silent, numb mood, hatred simmering beneath and fighting with a desire to mend. Mend self/others? Stumped again.
Hello Colette, I would like to comment on your last few posts and I hope you will not be offended. I am a doctor of psychology, a “quack” as it were, and it is quite obvious to me you are suffering from an elevated state of depression and a minor state of paranoia. I have been practicing for over two decades and your words make it very clear to me. It is none of my business but if you could answer a couple of questions I believe a thorough analysis could be done quickly. My email oldbagofbones99@yahoo.com If you would prefer I jump in a lake that would be ok too. You are in a dangerous state of mind but it could be easily rectified in my humble opinion.
Dr. B
Thank you but no thank you. You seem a bit thick.
Wonderfully enthralling. Thank you.
Very powerful fucking stuff…I think you really fucking nailed the ‘self-imposed pity party’…
I agree with Colygrl…the pic…you look tired, it ma be an afterthought of being ill…
I hope you and your charges are feeling better. I always take a peek at the weather
by you…looks kinda gloomy…did it inspire this fucking rant ??? Sometimes its really
senseful to stand on the edge of the fucking mountain and yell all the fuck around…
Clear the stale air from the lungs and brakish thoughts from the brain jelly…
If life came with an instruction manual it would be so boring as all fucking hell, but sometimes
I wish it came with an expiration date slip…so we can not waste time on irrelevantcy and complete
the tasks at hand…I don’t want to leave anything for my children that will cause them hardship
or endless grief when I am gone…cause I spent time dancing with complaints…
I just want them to remember me as someone who really cared and tried my best to give them
the perfect life, the perfect childhood…give to them all the things I was unable to have…but I feel
time spinning faster, what the fuck !!!
Borrowed time ??? From who ???
Chasing time ??? Where do we run anymore ???
Free time ??? Nothings fuckn free !!!
Pay ! Pay ! Pay !
If the answers to all this misery is like looking for a ‘needle in a haystack’ …
Than my question is : Who in the hell is shooting up and leaving spent needles in the barn ???
Today is gonna fuckn suck, lets laugh at the deliver man and make it better !!!
Daz
Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.
Steve is a poet of monumental grace, ability and insight. He has an extremely powerful awareness of the reality of God…so deep and I intense it takes my breath away. He is a genius…a prophet….a humble mystic…a true artist in a world full of fakes. Keep the faith, Steve.
thanks chris
and thanks for yesterday n give us a call when you’re back!
Lies.
In my (perhaps misguided and naive) opinion, the biggest lies are as follows:
There is no God. But if there is, he certainly does not love us. He delights in throwing shit in our paths and waits for us to fuck up so he can dole out punishment. No one else really loves us either, and we should never be so presumptuos as to love ourselves. Life has no point whatsoever, we are merely animals. There is no soul, everything we aspire to is done out of greed, fear and lust. We do not deserve to feel utter joy at any given time. There is no beauty. There is no art. There is no love, only neediness. We ourselves are lies.
I don’t know. But I do know. I’m not believing that bullshit, not for a second.
Best,
D.
I watched an old live video of U2 on youtube (circa ’81 or ’82) and Bono says between songs, “I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles.”
WTF?? Did he time travel to 1992 to hear “Ripple” or is that line from somewhere else? I just about jumped out of my seat when I heard him say that!
its from a very very old song called mammy
Hi, Steven!
Just read your blog now. A recent death in my family might disconnect me from the Internet a bit.
Hopefully, I should download more in the next weeks.
I hope everything’s OK with you all.
Serge.
Roaming around troubled and rambling and seeing what jealousy sees digging deep looking for fault and finding it as nothing’s perfect but above the imperfections is brilliance in the company of youth how dare it as so very few can own let alone wear the warmth of genius so beautifully at 23 and the vesture of hypocrisy stinks for shore and home where love’s already dull as fuck solid as glorified lard and broiled bullshit as vanity is losing weight leaving a lame shriveled also-ran officious clod sapless in the wake of the rookie UTMW scrapheap for eternal tyros.
DetachedConfidentialWhispersRUS
sorry the malarkey seems to be continuing unabated in spades
they say karma allows for learning
This is an extremely powerful post. What a mind you have. You have an incredible talent for getting to the bottom of things.
it will unfurl of its own accord a seed within fertile earth
it will grow and devour its own roots leaving its causes untraceable
Wow. Like a tornado, it picked me up, spun me around, and blew me away.
Your Friend in Pennsylvania
the energy of lies consumes/sucks in everything in it’s path like a black hole, starting so tiny yet with the heaviest/weighted core, so in the the energy of lies they actually consume everything around to get sucked in with them – most often difficult not to get clobbered by them even when not directed at you — just stuck in their path (they’re everywhere!) or you have to become so guarded/rigid you let them make you whacked/too stern (pretty much) so… then, isn’t it best to keep thoughts to afterwards? the hard part: getting back up from the carnage they cause and going on peacefully (knowing the truth) without bitterness and all that nasty stuff. Bitter can last forever if we let it. you see that ending everywhere just about every day… dear, dear – are you okay? (don’t really say that, but think it quite often)
confronting true unforgiving take no prisoners writing I like a lot.
So much energy and effort committed to the goal of giving the slip to pain. An entire, vast industry working overtime to supply the demand. The voice is the salesman, I suppose. A traveling salesman. He knocks on your door, gives you his card. He’s got a 24-hour delivery service. Call any time. You won’t be sorry. The lie is his promise – the promise of an escape to a pain-free place. The brochure is so colorful you want to believe. But it’s the same old bait and switch it’s always been. And the worst part is you know that. You know it and yet still you call that number on the card in the middle of the night because the pain is so great and you think that somehow, just maybe, this time you’ll actually get the fabulous beachfront condo with the jacuzzi and the gold-plated faucets and not the roach-infested, smelly room in the bankrupt motel by the expressway with the water-stained walls and the yellow-stained mattress. But you don’t. Life is suffering and the only way to reduce it is to dim the very experience of being alive – a shitty bargain. That’s my view of addiction. The way out of it, I guess, is to see the bargain for what it is. Easier said than done, I suppose, but you would think it becomes self-evident after awhile…
Thankyou too, Steve…it was a privilege to share that time with you and Sam. Folks, I had the pleasure and privilege of interviewing the artistic genius and master of the arcane, Steven J Kilbey, about his spiritual journey on Wednesday. If you email me, as soon as the video is edited, I will send you the link. My email is: cbeal@petermoyes.wa.edu.au
Hey Steve. I’ve been a fan of your work since the beginning and am also a songwriter musician. I have always related to what you’ve had to say and the taste with which you have said it. Do you know what MBTI personality type you are by any chance? I’m an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judgement)and have always wondered if you were also. There are a plethora of online tests if you don’t know and care to find out. Anyway, regardless of whether this is of interest to you, thanks for over thirty years of creative output that greatly affected my life and influenced my own direction enormously.
That post has had me sitting here thinking for an hour, 2 years & I haven’t surfaced, can’t even see the sunlight. 2 years I have shunned listening to music, stayed busy during the week & on the weekends struggled to do anything, won’t call friends. anger has gone (well no not really).
but lately I’ve started listening to the church, leaving the ipod going all night & not sure if that’s good or bad. but there is shock and maybe even emerging happiness in finally seeing the truth of all those years.
Your words are better than the psychologist who said it was a waste of money seeing him cause I was strong! that does not sound as much of a compliment as I mean it.
vicks
get better love music
music will heal! take it all in!
love steven
Thanks. In that space that I can only wait & hope that I will feel able to try… when I can have the house filled with music without feeling loss.
I wish resilience for us all!