posted on October 31, 2012 at 5:36 pm

boogaloo druid

the devotionalist

asking only for guidance

i am before you

the grey sky

my plants my shrubs my pygmy fig

you shower me with blessings

my daughters my health my pleasant life

still i want more from you

i wanna walk in the spirit

enough mucking around

i think you are every where and no where

i assume you are every god ever yet still you are none of them

i suppose that you exist yet do not exist

i reckon that you are interventionist and non interventionist

i admit i know very little about you

only that i sense you should be there

otherwise this is, on its own, absurd

i cannot look at the one billion systems around me

the patterns the images the reflections the songs

i cannot see them and not think of you

but its such a hard slog my friend

even for guys like me who got it easy

this life has been a respite for me

i mean in my other lives ive fought in wars

and given birth and been beaten and died and struggled

this life was a day off so to speak

due to some merit i must have built up in the karma bank

i took an incarnation with a western family in a rare time of relative peace

well i narrowly escaped vietnam i guess by one year

and i was most fortunate to live in a time of religious tolerance

and i have a great love for JC, krsna and buddha

horses for courses i say

what have i done with my opportunities i wonder allowed

making a last minute dash to tip the scales right now tho

i am a tiny lightbulb

you are the lightning

i can go a little brighter if you give me a little more zap, chap

go on it would be interesting to see what i might do with it

oh i would use it for good yes you wait and see

i mean i might go bad with more power

but i would certainly resist the temptation better now than before

before when all that hubris was blocking out the light

i know its unusual to pray on a blog

but hey its 2012

lets share this with everyone

i know you exist because i felt you one time

and had plenty of feelings and dealings before

i could write some good songs on logic with your help

imagine if you will the stuff we could come up with

my paintings would improve

my life would be better

talk about charisma….ah i’m starting to go wrong…

give me a job and see how i go

start me off small …i dont mind…i work for free…

gimme some words i write you a tune

people will love it

it will remind them of you

without even mentioning your names

i bet they will hear your influence

yeah that stuff in the bible n gita

and the pali sutras …you were on fire…!

i guess i should leave it at that

or readdress this prayer to goddess saraswati

since i seem to be asking for supernatural aid for my work

yes well to be honest i am asking for that

help me do something outta the hat…!

 

 

28 Responses to “devotion”

  1. avatar
    Chris | 31 October 2012 at 6:03 pm #

    Wish I had your hat sk….it’s full of magical mystical musical genius drawn from a well of humility and insight and deep deep soulfulness….give me more of the whitest rock ever composed! ….Loving reading Nineveh and Earthed again….like a cross between Tolkien and C S Lewis and Ginsberg and Kerouac….just read that Route 66 was laid out by a guy called Edward Beale….hmmm….

  2. avatar
    Kohl Ette | 31 October 2012 at 8:40 pm #

    We might think that with a bit more something life will improve. I could make this comment better by returning to the source and verifying the quote but I know the essence was something about love or God not actually bettering your life, solving your problems ‘like a drug’ but making what is, either pleasantly or unpleasantly tolerable. I suppose there is some connection to say, the real reason I logged in here now was to write, I’m not sure about framing the paintings now. Logically I know I probably have to, to preserve them but unfortunately I think the texture of the paper will be too glossed over and the sense of touch lost. The last one is still curved from the cylinder, a bit half hidden so it still must unfurl to reveal itself like a surprise, important message or just a little bit of satire. ‘Paper’ sounds fragile, but it’s tougher than you’d expect. I didn’t realise there was a staple sticking out inside the cylinder if you can imagine. I pulled the painting out past it, with little thought of ripping it yet it didn’t rip. Just like my son was born with the cord round his neck but didn’t choke. The staple scratched my finger but I still managed not to bleed on the painting. Amazing.

  3. avatar
    kronos devourer of olympians | 31 October 2012 at 10:11 pm #

    “May the gods ignore you” – best piece of spiritual advice I’ve ever heard. Don’t bring yourself to their attention, dude, they’ll only fuck you up for their own amusement.

  4. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 31 October 2012 at 10:20 pm #

    This is a very profound blog today…
    I cannot remember the last time I asked anyone
    for help. I know too, that I am recoiling each day as of late
    from a depression that’s buried deep in my families
    secret dark closet. I am a receiver not of a gift but of a
    curse. It’s hereditary they keep defining it as such.
    Eight know relatives on my mothers side took their own
    lives because the dark passenger took the wheel. Drove
    each one of them over the edge of their own minds. My
    mother attempted in 1986 and has been depressed since…
    I know of 3 others who tried but thankfully were unsuccessful…
    Iv traced 4 relatives to an institution here in Illinois but cannot
    find anything else out about them…the hospital, if u want to call it that,
    was forced to close decades ago…such a sad and horrific place I read.
    Three years ago today…an anniversary?…I was ‘voluntarily’ commited for
    28 days because I was so sad…the drugs and electrocutions pushed me
    into a deep dark catatonic state…I convinced them to leave so I could be with
    Laura for her birthday, I never returned…I suffer PTSD nightmares that are
    horrifying and frustrating…I am in therapy for years now, and can never be medicated
    again…I become even more ill…yes its true…David Wallace Foster ended his life
    after 2 ECT ‘treatments’ so did Hemingway…I woke up during the forced ‘grand mal
    seizure’ they forced my brain to have during the 4th ‘psycosurgery’…they say I did
    not…I won a long legal battle , but they still never admitted no wrong…no one admitted
    any wrong…a ‘lifetime’ settlement…money in exchange for sanity…I cried last night
    because I am unable to finish that painting…it sat there foreign to me with tears
    dripping off my face onto the lake by the city…I tore and ripped and spit and shredded
    it up and threw it in the air…its gone now…I dread the ‘hereditary’…will Alex become
    afflicted at age 30…will Kristina become sad decades from now…iv charted this depression…
    It shows itself during the 3d-4th decade of its victim’s life. Should I be dead already ?
    Probably….but I cry than hide …hide away in the dark with my added aches and pains
    not to sleep – insomnia is my bedmate… I fight the darkness alone, I reboot my own synapases – sometimes it takes a satire two…sometimes a week…but I ALWAYS return…just with a few more scars in in plain sight for the world to see… why do I write this ? Why do I share such oddities and
    darkness for strangers to read ? For each person searching for answers or asking
    their believed (or not) higher power for strength or forgiveness…I am the one who
    knows the line is dead on the other side…for I was tortured in a Catholic hospital…
    And I asked for help and it never came…it cannot exist in my life because I am the
    only one who can make this all good, all better, climb away from the darkness …for I
    looked HIM square in the eyes and pleaded for my life, my children , my wife…and he
    turned his back and walked away from me…denying his own exsistence – right before saying :
    “I do not live, I cannot be…you are the only one to save yourself from the madness-
    live for yourself and your family…do not live or ask ever of me”…
    I struggle each day and lose more battles than celebrate victories…for each one of
    you who believe and trust in any form of higher power…I wish for you the very best…
    for I can never ever believe…I saw death and felt unspeakable horrors – no light was
    there to guide me or keep me safe…it was and always will…be just only me…

    Please- no one become upset with me…I am glad that so many of you put faith and
    trust in something or someone far greater than yourselves…I cannot and will not
    because I have seen things and felt pain that secures my vote against any type of
    intervention from any type of higher power greater than just…me…I will do my
    best to sketch and paint another ‘city upon a lake’…this isn’t the first or last time
    this has happened…I will just try again …something more lost ancestors could…
    could…I don’t know…I cry for them…left to die alone by their own hand…unable to
    understand anything that’s happening to them…no higher power to hold on to a
    little longer…so so very sad……..sorry….

    Daz

    • avatar
      DavidP | 1 November 2012 at 4:06 pm #

      Daz, you’ve had some horrific experiences which I’m sure I can’t possibly understand the depth of…
      and although I do believe in a higher power
      I don’t blame you for one nano-second for feeling the way you do nor for respectfully voicing it

      • avatar
        BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 1 November 2012 at 9:47 pm #

        Thank you David…
        I am a very good person who,
        unfortunately, has had a multitude of
        tragic events take place in my life. I still
        see greatness in others and I try each day to
        be the best husband, father and friend that I can
        be. My very best friend (Mark Buban) asked me
        recently why do I believe all these things have
        happen to me. The answer is balance , I suppose.
        For all the grand and extraordinary things that fill
        peoples lives ,that they joyfully share with others – I
        live on the complete opposite side of the spectrum.
        A person, such as I , has to exist to balance out karma.
        I have been around extreme illness and death as far back as
        I can remember. I have lost so many friends and family members.
        I have attended more funerals than I care to recall. I held my
        best friend at the tender age of 14 as he bleed out from a bullet not
        attended for him. Lost 2 loves of my life before I was even 25 years old.
        Lost a wife, a father, a child, and sometimes I look in the mirror and question why?
        I do not blame any ‘God’ for what has happened – nor do I cherish any ‘God’
        when my daughter began holding food down at 3 months old and we took the
        first smiling picture of her which is my avatar. It is what it is…if I can survive
        a bounty of bad luck…than someone is basking in the glow of good-fortune…
        Than thats all right by me. I measure success now in days I manage surviving
        without suffering in some way or another. I am a good person, and a good friend.
        My bad luck doesn’t rub off on other people – my children have great luck.
        I am just the guy you read about that has had a real rough life…the difference for
        most of you is …if you get to know me and my story …like Seve, Alex, Andy,
        Ben and Donna to name just a few…
        They , hopefully, will tell you that I am a better person and friend for what I
        challenge to overcome each and every day …by the power of myself.

        Thanks again David and other well wishers…this is not a blog community…

        This is a family…this is my digital family…

        Daz

        • avatar
          karma, my arse | 2 November 2012 at 8:31 pm #

          Dude, you ARE a good bloke and you’re also living proof that shit just happens and there’s no such thing as karma – unless you think you were a mass-murdering dicator in a past life. Which I don’t think you were. Things don’t ‘happen for a reason’, they just fucking happen – even to good people like you. Daz, I honestly dunno how you’ve survived this far. I know my (& anybody’s) good wishes don’t count and don’t have any effect on anything – but I genuinely do wish you all the best.

          • avatar
            BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 3 November 2012 at 2:31 pm #

            Thank you very kindly…I will hold onto all
            the well-wishes and if I can, I will pass some
            along to others who need them also. I have
            learned a lot about myself and strangers along
            the way. I am a whole lot stronger than I give
            myself credit for …and this world is overflowing
            with kind, loving, honest and compassionate
            people…they are always right there in front of
            you…please…no one should ever become so
            insecure that they cannot ask for help…even if it is
            just a passing well-wish as you have so graciously
            have offered…

            May everyone have a great weekend and help
            someone in need, for they sometimes become to
            proud to ask.

            Daz

    • avatar
      bionicanna | 2 November 2012 at 2:08 am #

      some believe that prayer began as a way to continue receiving guidance from parents who had passed away too soon. in some societies, people still pray to their ancestors. if you ever pray again, let it be to those who have gone before you. they are the only ones who could possibly understand. peace

      • avatar
        BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 2 November 2012 at 11:36 am #

        I pray ever night for the health and well being of my family and friends. I do not address my prayers to a specific entity , but rather a generalization of life held dearest…Human Life…

        ” may bionicanna have the strength to endure any and all of life’s many obstacles and challenges, may she find love, friendship and happiness so fulfilling that everyone around her feels
        the overflowing energy of her kind words and goodwill…may SK and KK receive the necessary funds that they have kindly asked to be pledged to a great cause…and with the completion
        of the 3d album together…may their success be felt worldwide…”

        Just a sample…

        I look for the inner strength in myself to help and hope for certain people,
        places, or events…I have prayed HARD for the goal to be reached for KK/SK …that is a
        prayer and a wish…I finish each nightly prayer with “may everyone I touch in any way
        imaginable- have all their wishes and dreams fulfilled…may each and every one of you –
        along with your friends and family…be safe, healthy and happy and for tomorrow to be
        more rewarding than today…and may my body and mind feel some relief so I can exist
        another day…for every day I will love and protect Kristina, Alex and my sweet Laura.”

        I believe in the power of One life …as dark as my travels have become , I continue to try…

        Daz

        • avatar
          bionicanna | 2 November 2012 at 1:13 pm #

          i’m glad to know that you do pray, since it can be very powerful from someone who has suffered or is drawn to people who are suffering.

          and thank you for the kind words. too often i lack those very things, or at least feel that i lack them.

  5. avatar
    icebell | 1 November 2012 at 3:48 am #

    Steve-Keep Praying-Remember God reaches down to you.Read the hound of heaven by Francis Thompson.I will offer my rosary for you today.

  6. avatar
    Paul Fitz | 1 November 2012 at 7:40 am #

    Brilliant.
    So much I can relate to.

  7. avatar
    Cath | 1 November 2012 at 11:10 am #

    Steve,
    Love it how delightful
    The world needs to know we can reach divinity without official channels( dogmas’ churches, systems), we are part and parcel and all that, beautiful, close to mine own heart,
    “i am a tiny lightbulb
    you are the lightning
    i can go a little brighter if you give me a little more zap, chap
    go on it would be interesting to see what i might do with it
    oh i would use it for good yes you wait and see”
    We have seen for a lifetime dear Steve!

    My prayer in kind is Restore me so I may be thy instrument across all levels.Cant make great art without a healthy body, mind spirit, well actually you can, but it is so much better to have longevity, staying power, we never know when our thread will be cut!

    Isn’t it marvellous how we are given so much opportunity so much grace, no matter what we have done,And I think you’ve had that supernatural help all along Mr Kilbey
    Blessed be, you art! Love Cath

  8. avatar
    DavidP | 1 November 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    nice prayer Steve
    may it be so
    a wise man once said
    “if enlightenment is your goal, make it your journey”
    daily awareness/mindfulness, prayer, meditation, mantras, yoga…
    all essential ways to get in touch with spirit, moment to moment
    and working with inner divine mother kali to separate inner chaff from wheat
    all this helps spirit to grow within in my opinion and experience
    may the peace of the spirit within be yours Steve
    and your Being’s artistic fruits fully harvested!

    • avatar
      DavidP | 1 November 2012 at 5:15 pm #

      “Don’t only practice your art. But force your way into its secrets. For it and knowledge can raise Man to the Divine.”— Ludwig van Beethoven

  9. avatar
    Michel | 1 November 2012 at 5:26 pm #

    No need for a supernatural help, Pledge Music already brings a solid natural help !
    87% today (…% – fill in the gaps for a future update)
    Seems like you will collect enough to complete a trilogy of K&K albums ! Hurrah !

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 1 November 2012 at 9:50 pm #

      Best news of the day !!!

  10. avatar
    Russell | 2 November 2012 at 7:34 am #

    Noble words. Thanks

  11. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 2 November 2012 at 11:31 am #

    This is an inimical, anthropocentric and carnivorous world. A fallen world rife with strife and irreverence for life. The species that controls this planet is the malevolent entity. Zoos have it right when they post over mirrows “you are now looking at the most dangerous species on earth.”

    There has been good-Gandhi, Dalai Lama, Da Vinci, Mandela, Jane Goodall and the Jains of India who adhere to ahimsa (inflict no suffering on any sentient being). Isaiah envisioned it all. So did Empedocles who knew there is an eternal and cosmic struggle between the forces of love and strife.

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 2 November 2012 at 2:04 pm #

      …and Dr. King.

  12. avatar
    cheryl | 2 November 2012 at 11:43 am #

    Nice mission statement, great goal, stay with the humility , it always serves well. Left me feeling open and calmed. thanks

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 November 2012 at 1:22 pm #

    the joy of your baby fig is beautiful… amplified in the tree tops!
    I adore my baby maple… being thankful today ensures a future so bright:-D
    thank you for all that you do… love your work xx

  14. avatar
    M E M | 3 November 2012 at 10:29 am #

    Just a quick word to let ya’ll
    Know we made it through
    The storm w no damage…
    Thank you for your Prayers…

  15. avatar
    Steven Krut | 3 November 2012 at 1:42 pm #

    I enjoyed reading this. My experience has been that the universe responds when you reach out to it…

  16. Kraig
    Kraig | 3 November 2012 at 7:29 pm #

    Stevemeister,

    I pledged generously so please check your email or however you do it through the pledge acccount you and Martin might have? I’m so proud to donate and finance this 3rd album from KK! Cannot Wait!? Cheers! Kraig


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