posted on February 1, 2006 at 10:20 pm

i made this joke up last nite
for my kidss
why couldnt the pony sing?
because she was a little hoarse
i expect a sesame st guest spot
can only be seconds away…

chruch bouys had emselves a little i/view
yessaday
xcept monsieur peter k
who is, of course
now a resident
of the tropics
we woz interviewed by a frenchman
who is part of fete de le music
or fete de la music
whichever fucking gender music is in french
(is inglish the only lang without gender, benders?)
(by the whey, germans got 3: masc, fem and bloody neutered)
anyhow
l’idea, mes bon bons is
to have one day all round the worlde
when music is going everywhere
live
and FREE
so when i get there
to martys fabulous gaff
in the swanky eastern suburbs
(on foot, sk owns no car)
i am so hot
drenched in sweat
its like a hundred outside
the sun irradiating skin cancer
with every mote
humidity is totally wet
humility: none
ect. ect.
so when i get there
i look like a lobster
that jumped into a swimming pool
in his clothes and gaucho hat
(how gauche can a gaucho go, my amigos)
marty says
have a cold shower
theres steam coming off me
i stand under tepidly cold water for 10 minutes
not the way i normally start a filmed i/vu
i come out
a little refreshed
martys got this hanging down jingly things
on the windows emitting a very pleasant tinkle
in the meagre breeze…
uh oh yon frenchman who wants music everywhere for free
does not
however
want any music in the background now
the windows must be shut
temperyture in roomy goes up a hundred degrees
(at least!)
now
he switches on his bank
of formidable (pronounce it a la frog) lights
its a blazing inferno
mah pore sweat pores gush
i cannot believe this heat
we talk to this dude for TWO hours
the guy says
what got you hooked on music
i remember day in 65 riding my bikey
in the space between the houses
with a childhood companion or two
when we hear a sound
we ride closer to the sauce of the sound
coming from a little grey brick house
which was exactly the same as all the others
now
we heard this sound before
but never like this
not so viscerally loud
immanent
all around in the air
it was a teenage rock band
i’d never heard an actual electrick guitar before
id never felt the kick of a bass drum in the guts
or the metaalic hiss of cymbals in mah ears
and there
in a chair
sitting down to play
is a guy holding a big olde basse gittar
and that sound hes making is making
me
feel real funny
manifest destiny is too grandiose my chickens
but i says to my young self
heres somethin’ for you someday
but even more
i was struck by the beautiful insides of the guitar cases
which were open
plush velvety crimsons and royal blues
course, im watching all this
hanging on to a splintery fence
trying to keep my head over the top
ah another of them pivotal momes, ya see?
then we talk about another time
we had a band
me and some other blokes all about 18 or 19
i wrote most of the songs
but i was the bass player
there was a guy who was sposed to have been the singer
there was a guitarist and a drummer
the drummer was a very pretty boy
but not much chop at drums
the guitarist was actually great
he was only bout 17 at the time
he later lost a finger in a motorbike accident
but he could still rock, my brothers
anyway our band turns up at gig
at some youth hall
and “singer” says im not singin’
we say why not?
he says he dont wanna and plus
theres a bunch of furious bullies
out in audience
enraged that presumptuous insects like us
should have the sheer fucken gall
to dream
that we could have a band
so singer minces off to obscurity
guitarist davey y says
kilbee you gotta sing man
you wrote all those stupid words..
you know em
you fucking gotta sing em now boyo

but ya know what
i really knew this moment was coming
somewhere inside my self
after a little persuasion
we go on
im singing and playing ye olde basse
at the same time
for the first time
not as easy as i thought
my hands got minds of their own
the words are getting mixed up with the fingers
im trying to sing the bass guitar melody
and play the lyrics
i would love to hear how we sounded
i had dyed red hair and played a black les paul(copy)
i had on some clothes
someone from my mums work
had made for me in satin
i was as skinny as a rake
i had to run around in the shower to get wet
my songs
were totally ridiculous glam workouts
with rude and silly lyrics:
how come you never do the jet fin rock
how come you never give me a shock
or there was
youre starting to make me ill
youre starting to shake me, jill….

yeah bet that had shakespeare rollin in his gravy..,
actually maybe
just maybe
there are some certain pea brains
who might go for some of my olde stuff
god
there is so much olde stuff to milk
if only 1973 would come back….

any way my fiendish ones
i guess that about wraps this bloggy up
a bit a reminiscing
a little bit of a ranty
a bit o humour
and a great genius
with a big heart
(no
im only fuckin kiddin ya)
i love you all
so
so

so much
sk

37 Responses to “a joke for the jokers”

  1. avatar
    krissythegroupie | 1 February 2006 at 11:41 pm #

    You doing glam rock stuff?! This peabrain would *so* buy it. A little Ziggy for the zag, huh!

  2. avatar
    Caroline | 1 February 2006 at 11:51 pm #

    Awesome story. That was pristine. Thanks a google Stevie.

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 1:21 am #

    Life in a northern town ….
    We’ll have another one a those ..please

    Dutch Pierre

  4. avatar
    m w m | 2 February 2006 at 2:00 am #

    i haven’t heard the “had to run around in the shower just to get wet” quip since my dad passed away.
    it’s so nice to be reminded of him in the mAGic of another’s words
    and
    it has always intrigued me how you musos can sing and play at the same time so thanks for sharing that embryonic moment when the rockstar began to emerge

  5. avatar
    pjm | 2 February 2006 at 2:05 am #

    No genders in English… it’s one of the few. The only European language without them, anyway; there might be others. I’ve heard some theories that the simplicity resulting is one of the reasons so many people learn it for a second language.

  6. avatar
    mike | 2 February 2006 at 2:38 am #

    It was great to hear how you first got started playing bass and singing – I felt like I was there watching as it happened!!!!

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 3:20 am #

    i am a pea brain

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 3:30 am #

    Man, I was so determined to not become the internet version of one of those radio talkback callers who are totally comfortable, nay delighted, with the sound of their whiney little voice on 7 second delay (plus I was embittered by the total absence of traffic brought about by my previous attempt to use this forum to get publicity for my embryonic blog, the current life-force of which not even our house christian would seek to preserve), but fuck it, today’s entry was just so damn good (not necessarily better than all the other seductive little journeys, just so incredibly immediate – in the literary sense as well as every other one) that i had to express my gratitude.

    so thanks. very much. my sallow co-workers here in this sheltered workshop otherwise known as a certain branch of a certain commonwealth government department, blandly inhabiting their desks as if caught in an artist’s impression of their workspace – all benign expressions, fat ties, square glasses catching reflections – they’re wondering why i’m so fucking happy and probably think i’m “doing” the mail girl (Australia post supply her and she takes every opportunity to bend and stretch and reach and cast off/pull on over-garments in order to reveal the celtic mess emblazoned upon her coccyx).

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 3:38 am #

    Man, I was so determined to not become the internet version of one of those radio talkback callers who are totally comfortable, nay delighted, with the sound of their whiney little voice on 7 second delay (plus I was embittered by the total absence of traffic brought about by my previous attempt to use this forum to get publicity for my embryonic blog, the current life-force of which not even our house christian would seek to preserve), but fuck it, today’s entry was just so damn good (not necessarily better than all the other seductive little journeys, just so incredibly immediate – in the literary sense as well as every other one) that i had to express my gratitude.

    so thanks. very much. my sallow co-workers here in this sheltered workshop otherwise known as a certain branch of a certain commonwealth government department, blandly inhabiting their desks as if caught in an artist’s impression of their workspace – all benign expressions, fat ties, square glasses catching reflections – they’re wondering why i’m so fucking happy and probably think i’m “doing” the mail girl (Australia post supply her and she takes every opportunity to bend and stretch and reach and cast off/pull on over-garments in order to reveal the celtic mess emblazoned upon her coccyx).

  10. avatar
    Brian | 2 February 2006 at 3:49 am #

    Watch out for heatstroke, Steve, that stuff will sneak up on you and fry the magic out of your brain. If you don’t want to get into driving a car, have you considered buying a Segway? They’re pretty pricey in Oz, nearly $10K, but very environmentally friendly and get excellent range. Look at http://www.segwaysoutherncross.com/

    I’m pretty sure there are a few in Sydney already if you wanted to try one out first.

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 3:49 am #

    hey sk
    i still haven’t figured out
    how we got SO SO lucky
    as to have you share
    these brilliant stories
    observations
    insights
    philosophies
    even jokes*
    with us every single day
    it is too cool
    love
    your devoted
    wheat toast with
    apricot preserves
    diane
    *my daughters will proudly
    take your pony joke to school
    with them tomorrow

  12. avatar
    Brian | 2 February 2006 at 3:51 am #

    One last update on the Segway thing: http://www.segwaysydney.com.au/trybuyrent.php

    That’s a group in Sydney that offer them. Prices are a little better and they rent them too.

  13. avatar
    fergal | 2 February 2006 at 3:57 am #

    i can see it now:

    ‘Memories in future tense –
    Steve Kilbey, the formative years: 19ab-19xy’

    $24.99 plus GST & P&H on churchmerch – it’d sell like hot-[space]-cakes! ;-D

    ~

  14. avatar
    Fandorin | 2 February 2006 at 5:35 am #

    >(is inglish the only lang without >gender, benders?)

    try estonian.

    >(by the whey, germans got 3: masc, fem >and bloody neutered)

    zis is vhy vee lost ze wor!

    hmm… the slovenian got a special kind of gender for all things coming in two. hands, eyes, beer..

  15. avatar
    Bionaut | 2 February 2006 at 6:09 am #

    Sorry to hear the French fry interview was so miserable. Loved the background story. Was that the answer you gave to his question?

    Surprised you gave in to the closed window demand.
    70’s Steve would never give in to such things.

    I’d trade an air guitar finger for a restored or re-enacted version of Abstract Model!

  16. avatar
    Daberhasher | 2 February 2006 at 6:40 am #

    oi… whatcha call a guy with no arms or legs, in a pile of leaves???

    vast thanks go to your brother for getting you to give this blog ting a try, mon… it is, how you say, foam eatie boul, non???

    great story today, rock lobster…
    and thanks to technology,
    WE ARE THERE…

    aloha,
    erik

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 7:14 am #

    there’s rain in my studio. there’s a black lake back there, there’s plastic on my technology, there’s leaches in my dreams, there’s a paper i’m trying to burn into the rest of my life, there’s days like these, there’s lovely nights, there’s no way there’s no way, there’s the screen, there’s the seam, there’s the dream, there’s the eme.. mem

  18. avatar
    adrak | 2 February 2006 at 11:30 am #

    oh…er…um…my turn…this is your blog dewd…so i’m not gonna blow on my own harpsichord….

    i was seeing in some Who’s Who of Aust. Rock that you were in a band called ‘Tactics.’ Huh? Was that one of these pre-Choich groops?
    Good name anyway.
    I’d like to know a bit more ’bout Baby Grande. Saw a write-up at

    http://www.geocities.com/ozepam/seventynine.html

    …hehe
    nice hair-do

  19. avatar
    aal | 2 February 2006 at 11:35 am #

    I’m becoming addicted to this blog… in a positive way, I mean. It is a great rewarding experience to read your words Steve… please come back to Italy soon!

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 11:58 am #

    Wow!
    Thanks for that, there’s a frog in my throat.
    MB

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 12:03 pm #

    My grandfather told me that joke. I’ve got another beauty for you..

    Q. How do you spell wattle bark in three letters?

    A. d.o.g.

  22. avatar
    Thomas Irvin | 2 February 2006 at 12:57 pm #

    Perhaps you could sell some of those old glam lyrics to your friends Jet. Clear out the cobwebs, dump some old data as it were, and make a little dough.

  23. avatar
    Brad | 2 February 2006 at 1:14 pm #

    I once used a loud distorted guitar to wake my roomate’s son for school. I thought he would get up laughing. He didn’t. Perhaps the opposite experience of what you describe. The child is probably fated to loving only broadway musicals now because of me.

    Great story – thanks,

    b

  24. avatar
    Laurie | 2 February 2006 at 3:12 pm #

    You tell great tales of your Church travels, and I’m becoming more amazed at your fans posting, etc. The Church have always had that personal relation with their fans. Have you any tales of saaaaay The University of Moscow Idaho, or Lausanne Switzerland, or even San Francisco?

    Thank you for your blog and loving us all so very much!

  25. avatar
    CSTCoach | 2 February 2006 at 3:32 pm #

    Japanese, another language without gender.

    Fandorin: Good call on the Slovenian. I can pass as a native when ordering a coffe, and can order a round, but always try to avoid 2 situations, never can get that straight.

  26. avatar
    Sweed | 2 February 2006 at 3:45 pm #

    Thanks again Steve!! Funny stuff.. I was also amazed by the inside of the guitar cases as a kid. May have something to do with how life happened to turn out…..and yes, glam was my first musical love as well. Keep up the good work you big-hearted blogger…

    bb

    -Sweed

  27. avatar
    OTTOMT | 2 February 2006 at 4:58 pm #

    Adrak:
    Thanks for that link, interesting stuff. Those photos are priceless.

    i was struck by the beautiful insides of the guitar cases which were open
    plush velvety crimsons and royal blues
    course, im watching all this
    hanging on to a splintery fence
    trying to keep my head over the top

    A transition from monochrome to a full spectrum of color.

  28. avatar
    KJ's Alien Pickles and Cosmic Workshop | 2 February 2006 at 5:42 pm #

    I enjoyed reading that 🙂

    Thinking about picking up the bass for the first time. My school teacher said, “The band needs a bass player. You can do it.”

    “Me?”

    “Yeah, see this spot here is F. And this one here is F#. The notes just go up the scale. We meet on Thursday at 7am.”

    And when I got there, I stood there for 15 minutes trying to figure out how to turn on the amp. When I got that figured out, I turned all the knobs until I got the volume knob, and I turned it all the way down so no one could hear me.

    It’s good to be a bass player, especially when you can make your own sternum vibrate with deep sounds.

  29. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 2 February 2006 at 6:00 pm #

    Alguno de estos dias voy a ganarme la loteria, entretanto tus palabras son mi premio.

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 8:19 pm #

    Music is feminine in French. Music is feminine, period. But you already know it.

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 February 2006 at 8:26 pm #

    Ah… I forgot to say that the part about the satin shirt made me weep. I don’t know why. Maybe the lush innocence of friends-of-my-mom’s-help years, so humbleaud. From years to revelation. The satin kept with a promise. A simple be-longing.

  32. avatar
    sue c | 2 February 2006 at 9:49 pm #

    “kilbee you gotta sing man
    you wrote all those stupid words..”
    That gave me a huge smile…if he only knew at the time.

  33. avatar
    sue c | 2 February 2006 at 9:55 pm #

    how much we’d love every ‘stupid word’ you’d come to write :)Was the dyed red hair a Bowie thing?

  34. avatar
    captainmission | 2 February 2006 at 11:50 pm #

    i liked the ‘you gotta sing, stupid words..’ bit to, very amusing 🙂

    Not sure about the gender use in languages though, i like the old monty python equivalent to gendering words, into ‘tinny’ or ‘woody’,
    eg.
    velvet = woody
    resident = tinny.
    of course the system is totally arbitrary and open to interpretation but that’s what makes it so cool.

  35. avatar
    Tim | 3 February 2006 at 1:07 am #

    Bassin’ and singin’ ain’t easy. I can strum and sing a ton of Church songs on the sixer, but on the bass…it’s pretty much just Myrrh and Reptile.

    I should try a couple of others tonight. Maybe Dead Man’s Dream or something.

    I seriously don’t know how you separate your fingers from your voice, but I certainly appreciate it.

  36. avatar
    sexedman | 25 February 2006 at 5:30 pm #

    Great post. Always looking for more clearpores related topics.

  37. avatar
    Enlargement | 21 March 2006 at 11:13 am #

    I have a similar website linked to zits Come by some time.
    I undoubtedly fancy your site, I bookmarked it! This information is fantastic stuff.


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.