posted on August 4, 2008 at 8:54 pm

i keep getting “outed’ in the sauna at the pool
ie i’m sitting there
having done
or about to do my laps
when….
and theres 2 main offenders
one is penelope a lady doctor who should know better
and the other is gary a south african architect
they see me in the sauna
and they have to tell all the others in there
“who” i am
now penelope had twice caught a cab with nelg last week
who i believe is pumping up painkiller in his cab
and she came bounding into the sauna the other day
theres me in lotus position
or quietly engaged in a chat with someone
when
steve steve
i caught a cab your friend drives the really slim guy
and he played me 3 or 4 tracks off your new album
and OH BOY EVERYBODY
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?????
YOU DONT???
THIS GUY IS A GREAT MUSO!!!
I HEARD HIS NEW ALBUM I”M BUYING A COPY FOR MY BROTHER IN LAW
WHO SHOULD I BUY IT FROM STEVE?? YOU OR A RECORD SHOP
COZ I DONT WANT ANYONE GETTING YOUR MONEY!
I”D RATHER GIVE IT ALL TO YOU!
HEY EVERYBODY THIS IS STEVE KILBEY!
FROM THE CHURCH!
STEVE… SING A BIT OF UNDER THE MILKY WAY !! GO ON!!
HEY YOU ALL MUST KNOW UNDER THE MILKY WAY
OH ITS A BEAUT SONG I JUST LOVE IT!
OH STEVES GETTING MAD AT ME NOW
BUT YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW HE”S A FABULOUS MUSO …..
etc etc
the other one
he comes in
he cant believe he knows someone in showbiz
even if its only me
it tickles him pink to think
hes sitting there with me and i’m a singer
although hes a filthy rich architect and some big shot
he cant help mentioning it
especially if theres a loada “strangers” in there
especially if theres any females
who he always calls lasses
gary:”a lass”
girl :”alas”
he raves on and on
in his south african way
he raved at this woman till she got up n went out
why did you do that? i ask
cos singing turns women on he says
cant you talk about architecture? i ask
nah doesnt turn em on he says
arent you married? i ask
gary nods quickly …yeah
what about your wife then?
what about her?
does architecture turn her on? i ask
he laughs bitterly
it doesnt even fucking turn me on he admits
what? i say mock incredulously
it doesnt turn you on?
nah gary says
ive built some beautiful buildings but….he drifts away
i imagine garys having visions of himself standing there
in some packed theatre, hefting his white fender strat
(the sexiest guitar ever by dint of jimi n marc)
fuck architecture lets rock he screams
in my imagination of his imagination
i see him as i always see him
dressed in his budgie smuggler swimmers
bit of a pot belly and round shoulders and quite hairy
playing his strat and doing the swim
his backing band is called the veldt
no more songs about buildings or food gary sings
no more draftsmens contracts neither
anyway
he always has to out me in his goodnatured way
later in the change rooms he says
i wish i had job i really loved
i wish i had your fucking money.. i say
for a moment we lock eyes
izzi thinkin’ what i’m thinkin’
i can see it now
boys this is gary, the new lead singer for a while
meanwhile buildings in sydney are newly collapsing
as olde sk tries his hand as another gaudi
(a flamboyant spanish archi)
sitting at some meeting in my 2k suit
they wont realise (for a while) that i’m an idiot
if someone mentions words like angle or foundation to me
i automatically go into a ten minute daze thinking about ambiguity
but just to pretend to live that life….to see if i could get away with it
anyway i’d do more columns and gargoyles and fountains
i’d be good at that stuff
money doesnt buy you happiness.. gary cautions
as he zips off in his sleek black beemer
and i plod off home
oh i am so sick of my own envy
the good lord says when you ever envy another man
it is the beginning of all trouble
and i believe it to be true
i really seem to never learn my lesson

tonite i’ll be rehearsing zoo story with seb
on sunday arvo i’m doing a cuppla songs at the gallerys opening
(mal turnbulli is opening it!?)
which is where we’re doing the play eventually
28 spring st bondi junction
i’m also painting like mad to get a pic finished for the opening
its a big picture of ganesha in bondi and its a jumbo sized job
i’m also appearing at a gig in glebe on 7 oct
which will be a comedic poetry type thing (!?)
thats enuff for now
painkiller available real soon
bye y’all
sk

41 Responses to “adventures in a bondi landscape”

  1. avatar
    the dean | 4 August 2008 at 10:28 pm #

    Most people are getting away with it for a while – 30 40 years.

    Turnbull? spare me!

    by the way the O limp iks are coming and not a word. Gold Kilbey Gold.

  2. avatar
    Cee | 4 August 2008 at 10:37 pm #

    amor amor y nada mas

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 4 August 2008 at 10:55 pm #

    Your spa time doesn’t sound relaxing at all, what is the point?

    Ask that Turnbull if he’s got any big fat weapons with little red buttons yet to impose his post-authoritarian neo-feudal fascist republic on Australia. He needs them to do what he wants.

    Or ask the twit if he has yet discovered that ‘Advance Australia Fair’ is a melodic replicate of ‘God Bless The Prince of Wales’, some words the same too. Everytime Australians sing their national anthem, they’re also singing praise to the Crown. No wonder the Queen is not at all offended if we don’t sing her little ditty.

    Lucky you, invaded spa, and encounters with Turnbull. Lucky country eh.

  4. avatar
    kokky | 4 August 2008 at 11:23 pm #

    ha ha, i’ve been feeling like Penelope a couple of times, like in the Stockholm metro, except who would be there to listen and realize?

  5. avatar
    princey | 4 August 2008 at 11:29 pm #

    I don’t get it, how does a lady doctor from Bondi(who’s never listened to or bought anything sk),get to hear a preview of Painkiller before we faithful and dedicated fiends???? ooooh it makes me mad sometimes!
    So what’s wrong with being “turned on” by a man who can play beautiful tunes on a guitar and write lyrics and sing, it’s hard to explain, you either get it or you don’t!
    You’ve never really told us what turns you on in a woman sk (apart from wifey), I’d love to read it one day.
    Great news about Painkiller and upcoming gigs(no Melby listed tho,sob)
    Have a beautiful day sk,
    love Amanda

  6. avatar
    cita | 4 August 2008 at 11:30 pm #

    What time is the opening in Spring street? Love to see a bit of your artwork in the flesh.

  7. avatar
    Polydora | 4 August 2008 at 11:56 pm #

    “Do you know who this is?…”

    Could be a scene from the sequel to Coffee and Cigraettes.

    “It’s Steve fookin’ Kilbey!”

    🙂

  8. avatar
    Richard | 5 August 2008 at 12:13 am #

    are you going to renew your acquaintance with MT (- vessel)?

    you could tell him that since high school debating you’ve dabbled in music, painting and acting, but that architecture has been your main passion

    tell him that you’re happy enough with the birds nest stadium in beijing but (for that ring of truth) that you’re most proud of a set of bollards in a council carpark in Woolongong

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 August 2008 at 12:46 am #

    YO U DONT U REMEMBER TO MAK IT ESIER MAN!
    AND THIS SCENE IS IN A SAUNA!?
    SICK!
    SICK!
    SICK!
    SICK!
    SICK!
    SICK!
    SICK!
    SICK!
    SICK!
    SICK!
    STEVE! iS THAT REALLY U!
    N PLUS U R A SINGER NOT A PAINTE!
    STEVE! IS THAT REALLY U OR HAVE U CHANGED IN 1 DAY?!
    N PLUS THE SCENE IS TOO GROSS!

  10. avatar
    steve kilbey | 5 August 2008 at 1:35 am #

    OH DEAR!

  11. avatar
    heather | 5 August 2008 at 2:09 am #

    yeah turnbull at the gallery….? that is weird…maybe he’s slutting about with the plebs now that the media has reported that Costello is the lib voter’s preference…turnbull hanging at bondi…errgh…or maybe turnbull wants to be you too SK!
    Just like the architect…
    I love architecture btw… this guy should have the guts to quit if he hates it that much

  12. avatar
    matt davison | 5 August 2008 at 2:52 am #

    Killer

    Hey, Why dont you take NK in there!! that il’ take the focus away from you.

    For all the subscribers NK is a rather attractive classic beauty…

    Should I have said that??

    Sorry but it’s true…..”and well protected classic beauty I must add”

    – but what did ya expect from a sleek black panther like Nevets Yeblik eh!!!

    Md

  13. avatar
    gen | 5 August 2008 at 3:48 am #

    you took too long .

  14. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 5 August 2008 at 6:44 am #

    so it seems as time has gone by esskay has matured into ‘a’ multi-talented artist, not just musically but in whatever floats his boat, dabble this and dabble that, paint this and sculpt that, create this and create that…
    mjnjr

  15. avatar
    ross b | 5 August 2008 at 9:15 am #

    Reminds me of that hilarious scene in annie hall where woody allen’s standing outside the moviehouse waiting for diane keaton to arrive where he’s suddenly recognised and accosted by these two latino types who yell out *…hey…everyone…it’s alvy s(h)inger!!*

    I loved your impersonation of malcolm t sitting on the bus, but be careful, he holds an icy leer, one of those imperial leers with the purposely protruding chin…he wishes to be caesar but really he can only be king leer…

    you have love in your life and the freedom to create, these things are priceless

    and I do hope the money rolls in for ya too!!

    much respect, r.

  16. avatar
    no strats here | 5 August 2008 at 9:27 am #

    Milk-white electric guitar, huh? Hmmm, Bolan looked better with a Les Paul, I sez. White Strat = Ritchie Blackmore to me, lad, and that’s bad!

  17. avatar
    fantasticandy | 5 August 2008 at 9:42 am #

    the ‘elecric warrior’ seemed to be’one’with his BLACK les paul when i saw him!
    before the rot set in he was ‘the biz’
    ‘comedown’ is the greatest homage to the bolan school of songwriting ever…………
    fender,
    fender,
    fender,
    fender………………

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 August 2008 at 9:43 am #

    a cure for deep purple,is to get your wife to roll over n play dead,or beg….your common law wife…or shall i tell her,

  19. avatar
    hubcap diamond star halo | 5 August 2008 at 11:08 am #

    Comedown strings are certainly possessed by the spirit of Visconti, yessir! Ere, I’ve got a photo of Bolan with Mick Ronson, taking during the sessions for Ian Hunter’s first solo album in 1975! Marc’s wearing a beret and a fake leopardskin coat. Ronno’s grinning like a loon and Gloria Jones is shoved between em. Bolan listened to the recordings, turned to Hunter and said “You know, Ian, I think I’ve underestimated you”!!

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 August 2008 at 11:25 am #

    so,when do you leave?

  21. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 5 August 2008 at 11:33 am #

    anon @ 7:43…i don’t quite geddit, but anyway…
    i hate people that get in my face and yadda yadda yadda, it pisses me off mightily…are you going to let these people keep on disturbing your peaceful time…gah…
    love always…
    hi jen(x)!

  22. avatar
    Melby Symon | 5 August 2008 at 12:09 pm #

    oh steve…ya just gotta pot old mal about the fact that he won’t ever make pm…that if he’d only not been such a straight with a stick up his ass all those years ago…you might have told him the secret of life!

    maybe your architect guy can cut you in on some of his design work…they’re always looking for unique art work/mural/sculptures to incorporate into their work. He’ll claim it as his own though you know…as long as you get the dosh that will be ok.

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 August 2008 at 12:09 pm #

    let’s talk about keys,huh?

  24. avatar
    Shawn El | 5 August 2008 at 1:17 pm #

    hey, it sounds like maybe Penelope could be the windfall you’ve been waiting for – talk her into buying 50 copies of Painkiller from you to give all her friends and family

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 August 2008 at 1:24 pm #

    Can you people please write properly as the phone message text style abbreviations are really hard to speed read. Thank you very much.

    I could explain that abbreviations do have a place in language, literature and music, art, and use SK as a demonstration for my argument, some of these comments as contrasts, but I am in a hurry.

  26. avatar
    John | 5 August 2008 at 1:37 pm #

    That answers my question of the sexiest electric guitar ever.

    I once was at a concert (not the Church) and I ended up talking to some pud who had a brother in a semi-famous band. He talked about the time he saw Sting in his dressing room, doing yoga. He barged in and said “hey man, you’re Sting!” Sting hissed “fuck off!” to the guy.

    So this guy is going on and on about how much of a dickhead Sting was. And I think I politely said something like “well, yoga is supposed to relax you, and what you did totally trainwrecked his relaxation.”

    Not much of a story. Thought I’d share anyway.

    John Garratt

  27. avatar
    lily was here | 5 August 2008 at 1:59 pm #

    if someone mentions words like angle or foundation to me
    i automatically go into a ten minute daze thinking about ambiguity

    priceless.

    European architecture, now theres some art; cathedrals, gothic sculptures, arches, corinthian columns, domes, temples, mosques, stone walls, waterways, fountains, scrolls, icons, tombs and crypts, pyramids.. the taj mahal …mmmm
    xxx

  28. avatar
    bill nelson | 5 August 2008 at 2:01 pm #

    "Bridges & rivers & buildings pulled down…"

  29. avatar
    Cee | 5 August 2008 at 2:02 pm #

    Here’s an idea:
    Have the lady doctor and the architect buy some paintings for their offices/buildings/waiting rooms, etc…if they don’t then you can go off a-la Sting style and I bet they won’t bother you again.

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 August 2008 at 2:03 pm #

    I like to abbrev.

  31. avatar
    if y'can't beat em | 5 August 2008 at 2:33 pm #

    It’s Gen with a ‘G’ not a ‘J’, innit? Steve will know, cos he loves us to talk amongst ourselves like this and ignore the blog he’s spent 2 hours writing.

  32. avatar
    athanasiuspernath | 5 August 2008 at 2:36 pm #

    it must be awfully annoying. i’d feel terribly awkward…or how is this usually handled by celebrities…standing up, singing some lines from, say, “Something that means something”, yes, it’s all true. I mean, Penny is right, but she should wander around telling all the others/calling that special painkiller cab for her friends.

    loved the bit about architecture. SK relaunching sydney. somehow reminds me of how you relaunched the parking meters as poker machines and surrealist meters…bugger off and park somewhere else, you yuppie…

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 August 2008 at 3:05 pm #

    Ahhh to be a fly on the sauna wall…
    oh…i guess we just were..

    ps: is that THE bill nelson?

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 August 2008 at 4:43 pm #

    at least they’re still talking about you. when they stop, then it’s time to worry.

  35. avatar
    jet silver | 5 August 2008 at 4:43 pm #

    No. it was a reference to the title of this blog…

  36. avatar
    Mike Jamorama Hammil | 5 August 2008 at 5:54 pm #

    I once was at a concert (not the Church) and I ended up talking to some pud who had a brother in a semi-famous band. He talked about the time he saw Sting in his dressing room, doing yoga. He barged in and said “hey man, you’re Sting!” Sting hissed “fuck off!” to the guy.

  37. avatar
    davem | 5 August 2008 at 8:04 pm #

    How soon is soon??
    September would be wonderful!!!

  38. avatar
    steve kilbey | 5 August 2008 at 9:11 pm #

    then september it is!

  39. avatar
    jax | 5 August 2008 at 9:28 pm #

    so I guess if I am in Sydney and wanna get some painkiller, I gotta flag a cab somewhere around Sussex St and look for nelg.. got it..

  40. avatar
    nickfiction | 5 August 2008 at 10:13 pm #

    who is the guy who said money don’t buy happiness ? he’s full of shit. I’ve been without money and i had money…. i preferred the latter . But cmon Kilbey who doesnt like a little adulation now and then ? even if it’s in the spa with partial strangers !?

  41. avatar
    steve kilbey | 5 August 2008 at 10:31 pm #

    nick
    you can have it
    sk


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