posted on October 27, 2008 at 7:27 pm

la de da
scribble scribble
blah blah blah
i feel emptiness in my stomach verging on nausea
my limbs are lithe n loose
not what youd expect being 54
54 …can you imagine when you’ll be that old again..?!
54 x 365 = 19700 days
and to think of all that impatience
most of my life lived with some needless nameless anxiety
i never noticed the clouds
i never noticed the flowers
i never noticed time fading away
oh god sometimes i bore myself
all the good stuff in here i aint explored
but i gotta get thru the waffle first
my mind is a garden
i’m trying to climb over the hedge
i’m trying to get into my own mind
which only proves what many wise men tell us
YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND
you think you are
and your mind really thinks it IS you…but it aint
otherwise how could i be out here
trying to get into my strange mind
where all the poems n songs n paintings are
until i realise them
they are potential somewhere in my million square mile mind
inside my head is as big as the sky
sometimes it tightens up
my universe rapidly shrinks
until theres no room for me in my mind
my mind has collapsed like a flaming gas balloon
and its plunging with me wrapped up in it
fuck its hard being a renaissance man tho
when there is no renaissance on at the moment
far from it…its the anti-renaissance
the age of the imbecile
my father was a renaissance man too
except i could never ever play the piano like him
and he didnt do poetry
poetry? he’d say and shake his head
lay some boogie-woogie on me son!
my dad deliberately pronounced the “g”s soft
boojie-woojie he’d say
something seemed to make my dad hold his talent in tho
he had no ambitions to exhibit or perform for an audience
tho he was a real crowdpleaser at a knees up or birfday bash
people are still talking bout kilbey as my mums brothers called him
uncle stan telling my wife how i got it all from kilbey
people will never say kilbey as affectionately again
as when the old timers say it and sigh
remembering that geezer who made everybody laugh
and then jumped on a piano
and had em singing along
now kilbey has on a slightly accusative feel
why kilbey why? asked one of my old workmates
eventually he made a sticker for me
why kilbey why?
he stuck it on my back without me knowing
and i musta walked around with that on fer hours
people indeed asking themselves silently
why kilbey why?
in the mouths of bullies i hated kilbey
because of the kil bit
when obviously they were gonna kill me
fuckin’ kil-bey a bully would sneer
as he slapped me round the chops
wots wrong wif ya kil-bey…?
lucky in those days
the bullies punched you on the arm
not the face
so you got nasty bruises
but my lovely little nose stayed intact
ive seen a lot of people with big noses fretting about them
my dads nose was bigger than mine
n i know he wanted a smaller one
so i’m glad my nose isnt too big
thank christ..one less phobia to carry round
at least my nose is normal
unlike my mind
which
as i said is either too big or too small
its either a thousand miles to the next inkling
or its a crush of skull n blood n brains
but my mind aint my brains
and i aint my mind
but i am you tho
tho it is hard to believe
today aurora kilbey goes in early for her flute lesson
i’m working on natalie in lemuria
on my new big paper n my new big easel
standing up!
and paint n pastel begin to obey my will
and my lines are smooth n authentic
i’m having a lot of fun painting my wifes face
although i got it slightly wrong
now some wildeyed blonde stares back from the black paper
and i gotta put the jungle round her
what will you put in the border nk asks me
uh…skulls n hearts …i say
yeah thats good she says
ok easy
skulls, flaming skulls, eyes
thats the sort of thing i like in my borders
sort of setting the scene
like all the paintings backstage at the house of blues
its all guitars n skulls n flames n dice n virgin marys
n crucifixes n skellingtons n diablos n demons
n elvis n cars n mexico n robert johnsons
thats where my paintings should be
im trying to drum up a little voodoo here in nth bondi
tho i’m just a naive white man from canberra act
i like to visit the jungle via my paintings
n leave out all the mozzies n dangerous beasties
leave out all the blow pipes n mal-aria
so theres natalie staring back from black
her features which i know so well are delicate
and a tiny bit one way or the other can make it all wrong
i paint away n listen to music
i think surely someone will buy this painting
and i know in my heart of hearts that they will
the weather is mild n the days just melt away
and are gone
i will try to hang onto today for all i’m worth
and what i’m worth would vary from person to person
some would say very little
a very few might say a fortune
most would say who?
so i go on typing
surely i’m bound to be discovered soon….!!??

20 Responses to “all the latest earlybirds”

  1. avatar
    the dean | 27 October 2008 at 9:03 pm #

    the word element “kil” is supposedly derived from an old english word for church.

  2. avatar
    pennybridge | 27 October 2008 at 9:46 pm #

    SK,
    Where is my mind?
    Even the Pixies couldn´t tell

    In the stomach ???

    Best wishes,
    You´re such a great kill-e!

  3. avatar
    Dr Krall | 27 October 2008 at 10:00 pm #

    Bound to be discovered!
    Are you saving it all or is it saved automatically? So much good writing here … We’re not our minds for sure. Did you listen to How to stop thinking by Barry Long? When the mind stops, we wake up.
    Greetings

  4. avatar
    princey | 27 October 2008 at 10:16 pm #

    A wildeyed blonde in the jungle?, it’ll sell in a flash sk:)
    I’m saving up my coins to have you paint “Princey in the Jungle” one of these days.
    Have fun with all yer big stuff there…And for what it’s worth, you’re worth a fortune to me kilbs, that’s for sure!(gee, that wasn’t predictable)
    love Amanda

  5. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 27 October 2008 at 10:48 pm #

    love your last line, boo hoo too that nobody cares who we reelly/really are…
    Jonny Hollywood

  6. avatar
    linjo | 27 October 2008 at 11:09 pm #

    “no renaissance on at the moment” oh that line so funny! and Amanda, got a good giggle out of you girl! (will you pose in strategically place vine leaves only? haha)
    All those good old stories from mother England will be lost forever as each generation passes. My kids dont know anything about the lives of their grandparents due to lack of interest on their part.
    Great blog today Steve. You may be a little autistic but you certainly havent got the ADD gene thats lurks in many of us. Linda

  7. avatar
    captain mission | 27 October 2008 at 11:56 pm #

    i’d like to buy that paining, i imagine there’s a lot of love in it.

    ‘no reaissance on at the moment’
    man that was funny and sadly true, i feel a bit defeated by the society i live in, it makes no sense, most of the time, and when it does i don’t really like it much. i’m having strange fantasies about going to lima and getting a boat up the amazon.

  8. avatar
    steve kilbey | 28 October 2008 at 2:03 am #

    mission
    i’m comin’ with ya!
    (can we be home in time for dinner?)
    sk

  9. avatar
    questionsaboutfaithetc | 28 October 2008 at 5:18 am #

    Interesting stream of consciousness stuff, “Under the Milky Way Tonight.”

    I wish I knew what you were looking for Steve.

  10. avatar
    kat | 28 October 2008 at 5:40 am #

    uh i dunno. excellent new kk songs, sk/mk!

  11. avatar
    12str | 28 October 2008 at 10:30 am #

    dear Steve it seems like you´re in some creative peak at the moment..wonderful paintings, awsome musicprojects and supreme mastering of “the blog”..you´re always going to be no 1 in my book man….

    take care
    //Pat

  12. avatar
    ross b | 28 October 2008 at 11:14 am #

    Drumming up some voodoo in nth bondi is an excellent idea, I think we could all do with a bit more voodoo in our lives, primal voodoo, earth voodoo, love voodoo.

    Thank you for your great writing, painting & music-making – and more importantly – your dedication to exploring the depths of it all, it stands in such contrast to this absurd, brittle world we live in.

    Didn't Lennon say 'surrealism is real to me'?…he's dead right imo

  13. avatar
    Jasperina | 28 October 2008 at 11:29 am #

    When the mind stops we wake up.
    Doesn’t feel like a time for embracing glorious Renaissance men…maybe it is yet to come. I wish the world was more bohemian, poetic, artistic and esoteric. I dream about it.
    Your painting ideas make for an interesting read. I like to hear about your evolving creative pursuits.

  14. avatar
    iseult | 28 October 2008 at 11:44 am #

    i lived in whynot street for a while

  15. avatar
    sanfoin | 28 October 2008 at 4:28 pm #

    You are bound to be discovered

    soon . . . per te ipsum

  16. avatar
    jax | 28 October 2008 at 6:49 pm #

    Hey sk.. don’t worry your a genius..they will have a renaissance for you in another 100 years.. hey Amazon is listing Painkiller for release on 11/04/08.. what?..I like the description:”Painkiller is a masterpiece, the pump of sex, the swoon of drugs, the struggle of a man, a fix for the world in pain. 11 tracks. “

  17. avatar
    davem | 28 October 2008 at 7:36 pm #

    Kiiillllbbbeeeyyyy.
    My poor old Dad has been saying to me for over 25 years “Kilbey this, Kilbey that, all you ever talk about is Steve effing Kilbey”.
    You’re effing brilliant SK.
    x

  18. avatar
    fantasticandy | 28 October 2008 at 7:57 pm #

    you should carp killer…..
    iv’e got a big nose,
    AND i’m undiscovered!

  19. avatar
    Anthony | 28 October 2008 at 8:45 pm #

    Steve,
    Painkiller just arrived… home from work today with Ash as he has an ear infection and I have a cold. Lots of cuddling with my favorite 2-year old… I’m about to turn him on to Painkiller… that should make him feel better (and me too)! Lovely time over the weekend at the beach for my parents’ 50th anniversary (how many people can say that). Didn’t see any Starfish though…
    Much love,
    Anthony

  20. avatar
    CSTCoach | 29 October 2008 at 4:02 pm #

    Ahh, well. Someone’s gotta start the next renaissance. Might as well be you.


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