posted on June 25, 2007 at 5:18 am

among the twisted terraces on a winter day
leaves swirl down from a grey roof
inside where its so warm
so warm being here with you
i dont know what im liable to say next
do you?
words pound n hound me thru the daylight hours
i am not mad
i cant go mad
its impossible
some sane english core
holds me to the light
the way you hold me to the dark
in the dark room
the door is always closed
what goes on in there?
what is obtainable in there?
muse : what do you want?
whatever youve got…
(sound of faraway mocking laughter)
i knock at your door
you feel me outside for a moment
before i suddenly enter
its so dark
a heady smell permeates the room
the darkness is blinding me
i know youre here somewhere
so white amongst the black
vanished into an other dimension
waiting on the turning seasons
now im all at sea
i feel giddy
i feel uninvited
i feel a little weekend
i standing illuminated against city lights
sydney pulses n throbs along outside here
the drizzle comes back and floats in the porthole window
the curtains are still in the stillness
the music….what is that?
piano mournful strings soft washing drums
a man sings something
a dead man now im sure it is
dead for a long time now
the music is very old
no now i recognize this song
why its….
it cant be me
no it cant be
oh i can make out the words
is this the kind of thing you do
with everything i gave to you
did you ever stop to see
you never gave yourself to me
the violins slur and blur
the french horns answer sadly
the man whistles the melody
like hes walking along a deserted euro street in november
you can see his raincoat and the cigarrette smoke
is this what you wanted me to see?
i mistakenly open the wardrobe
and i see myself in the mirror
oh im looking olde and young
muse : where did all that time go?
as i move my face back n forth in the half light
planes and angles are revealed and concealed
lines and wrinkles appear and disappear
my grey eyes are vague with swollen pupils
i grope at the clothes hoping to find something
that obviously eludes me
baby where are you ?im calling into the quicksilver dark
i say quicksilver because it also eludes me
i remain somehow outside of it
baby? you say in your soft voice and lovely accent
and the word slides around changing into foreign syllables
until i cant understand it at all
baby how do make all that stuff up? youre asking in the candledark
what stuff? im trying to say but my mouth is full of darkness
its acidic taste curdles on my tongue
setting my teeth on edge
baby what are you doing here? shes asking
the room feels more like outside to me
i mistook the cold for warmth
i am in the alley
out the back of….
i guess

42 Responses to “alley gate or….”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 6:13 am #

    I can smell the autumn leafs and the echoes..

    jaime r….

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 6:18 am #

    your muse is showing her dark side today, is she…your malaise may be that you feel things too keenly and instead of nicking your skin the world sinks its teeth into your flesh..the flip side of your sensitive and creative nature, every gift has its price…the gift of desire is opposed by the burden of guilt and the knowledge that what i dream of can never be…
    -The Hellbound Heart

  3. avatar
    dead man's dream | 25 June 2007 at 6:19 am #

    Don’t know about you SK, but i’m loving this grey, drizzly weather… makes an interesting change from the endless months of monotonous sunshine and humidity here in Brisbane.

    Also makes for some very moody and introspective blogging on your part… and the perfect visual background for unleashing Priest=Aura at high volume.

    *queues P=A in iTunes*

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 6:42 am #

    Go easy on the herbal supplements there, TB!

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 6:43 am #

    I hope I didn’t leave you alone for too long. I looked away and did a few things and here you are again with a couple of entries. Daniel12 explained the same fast forward on his computa.

    Excuse me, but I’m in shock from your writiting of closed doors and the darkness beyond. I have the same series going on for so many years upon decades. Doors and windows stay closed for a reason, in some surrealist way. The beautiful world surges on around these floating shut doors and windows.

    When you’ve worked your life to find that some doors open unto a glittering city- in the way you’ve hoped and dreamed for, you know life returns beyond the imagined. The closed doors don’t seem to matter as much; my those details are finely crafted.

  6. avatar
    fantasticandy | 25 June 2007 at 7:23 am #

    some doors are best left closed.
    some rooms are best left unvisited.
    is that grey autumnal light playing tricks with your perception of things killer?
    andy L.

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 8:03 am #

    its been 8 years since i saw myself…or anyone else.i do sometimes wonder if i would be happy to see a familiar face in the mirror…id give myself a kind,reassuring smile..i think?maybe id be shocked to see my face nearly ,a decade older than the last time..we arent “what” we see in the mirror….i had always seen myself as disjointed from the girl in the mirror…one day ,i hope the dark just i can feel as connected as one should…i hope you find what you were looking for in the wardrobe …love and warmth to you Mr.Kilbey….next time you look at a mirror,give yourself one of those loving and reassuring smiles,from me….xxxxxxxxxxgenx

  8. avatar
    mattdavison | 25 June 2007 at 8:10 am #

    systematic desensitisation.

    The other world

    The photographic mind departure..

    – gifted too the people who sit and observe, those who write, paint, sing, play….

    That’s just the true reality

    All you others just go about you’re

    And keep reading

    About the other side!!
    The REAL side

    For’ Killer is, like A few of us.. a linesman working for the greater being beyond our hazy sky’s


    We are all just complex and reason

    In a world

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 9:52 am #

    hellbound heart

    why would you think ttb’s muse is female?

  10. avatar
    boggy | 25 June 2007 at 10:04 am #

    they’re all female arn’t they?

    like sirens

  11. avatar
    daniel12 | 25 June 2007 at 10:47 am #

    Ooh. An evocative melancholic blogg
    this one. Great read on a grey day. I do like it.
    Indeed despite your eccentricities you do seem to have a stolid brit resistance to real madness.
    Your fondness for the erb would have brought it on long ago if this wern’t the case.
    Me i cant live the erbal life. I have work responsibilities aswell as madness in the family. It’s a pity really as i’m quite creative on it.

    Matt D Your 6.10 comment reeks of arrogance.
    Whenever i’ve entertained notions like this the universe humbles me.
    She introduces me to a hotel cleaner who plays rings around me.
    Or shows me a brilliant artist busking to nobody on the street.
    In some cultures the notion that one person is an artist and another not does’nt exist.
    This is because everyone is an artist.
    In our culture if your fortunate enough to make your living as an artist you should count your blessings and be thankfull.
    Shun notions of superioity because i guarantee you.
    There’s a bog Job nobody out there with more talent than you.

    Just my observation. No offence intended dude.


  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 11:19 am #

    too true daniel12

    you can be creative
    making yor husband a sandwich for lunch
    reading to your children
    playing in the park
    trying to explain a nightmare to a sweaty 4 year old
    stopping the possums from devouring your broad beans
    im sure yee get my drift.
    from the moment we are born we begin to leave our mark
    it may not be wonderful sounds or tangible art
    but we still put what we are into what we do.


  13. avatar
    Tokin' Jester | 25 June 2007 at 12:49 pm #

    Hi Y’all~ Oh, & Mr. Nevets as well~ I hope yer day’s not sucking! I was wondering if y’all could help my son & I, (He’s 11) He starts guitar lessons next week, Could ya recommend some Church songs that arent too difficult (No tricky tuning, & not too many bar chords)& where do we find tab? Any assistance’ll be greatly ‘preciated. I’d hug y’all If I could reach that far & wide, so air kisses’ll haveta do. Debby

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 12:52 pm #


  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 1:25 pm #

    i third that, daniel12 and leanne, and oh, all my muses are male, except for amelia earhart and the natural world, which is sexless, or perhaps neo-sexed.
    Is a bad artist worthy to be called an artist? Is a bullshit artist an artist? Is an artiste an artist?
    My dad once advised me that “all artists are thiefs”..and then “everyone knows that!”…I didn’t then, and later found out he stole it…
    in the seventies we cried “fuck art, let’s dance”, then bowie made “let’s dance”, and it was art..ha ha

    I find these missives comforting, and not dark at all…it’s a lovely kind of hum our nevets gets going….sort of peaceful

    there’s me two bobs worth


  16. avatar
    melquiades | 25 June 2007 at 1:36 pm #

    musings from the muse
    oh sweet enchanter
    Light and dark dichotomy
    Never fully sure where she’ll take you
    But always along for the ride
    down a leave stained gravel road
    the gravel punctures against the tires
    kicking up dust
    speeding along the city thoroughfare at night
    through the city tunnel expressways
    the metronome of the yellow halide lamps overhead flicker past and send strobes in through the open roof
    the sound of a cool, finely tuned auto

  17. avatar
    veleska1970 | 25 June 2007 at 2:41 pm #

    happy monday, steve, everybody~~

    more interesting choices from the ipod the other day~~ELO has always been one of my favorite bands, too. “mr. blue sky” has a jaunty little bounce to it.

    hope you have warmer, better weather soon, steve.

    lotza love….

  18. avatar
    persephone2u | 25 June 2007 at 3:01 pm #

    A hesperidian grove in Narnia? Or Avalon? It’s beautifully dark, all the same.

  19. avatar
    gareth,notts | 25 June 2007 at 3:09 pm #

    …could Mr and Mrs Noah Sark please head for england and start building?….and be quick about it!

  20. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 25 June 2007 at 3:10 pm #

    Another vintage existential blog that merits inclusion in the best of “The Time Being” anthology. People are talking about ELO. That band was essentially Jeff Lynne. He is an enormously talented individual who sounds like a Beatle. He has played on Harrisson and McCartney albums. He is respected by Dylan, Petty the late Roy Orbison and virtually eveybody in music. In 1976 ELO and 10cc were my favorite bands. Unfortunatly, Elo’s music got too commercial but Jeff Lynne must have made a fortune. Around the same period I also loved Supertramp. My High School days were dominated by those three bands and Wings.

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 5:28 pm #

    im liable to say,{and to quote another genius},”some prayers are answered unexpectedly…from time to time!”….in the candledark.for the time being…venus de milo xo

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 5:46 pm #

    “The big hit” is in A minor and not only is it a perfect song for someone who is just starting…but also a popular one with which to amaze and astound his friends. Once he gets going though…there are so many others.

    Practice, practice, practice!!!!
    Best of luck to him.

  23. avatar
    knot | 25 June 2007 at 7:57 pm #

    that wardrobe is full
    of old autumns
    a doll with black hair
    a red antique handbag
    potions on the top shelf
    a small skin drum from the store
    across the street from the cemetery
    and the mirror’s silvery blue edge
    like a comet across the west

    he also came through to visit

  24. avatar
    davem | 25 June 2007 at 8:35 pm #

    That suited the mood for here in blighty.

  25. avatar
    John Garratt | 25 June 2007 at 9:16 pm #

    You feel a little weekend?

    John Garratt

  26. avatar
    verdelay | 25 June 2007 at 9:47 pm #

    I made a record about the Muse and her toything poet once.

    Perhaps you heard it?


  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 10:44 pm #

    I prayed for poetry today. Thank you

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 10:54 pm #

    Thanks for all the beautiful words you write sk. I send a smile over to you.
    Love you always,

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 10:57 pm #

    Gareth of Notts,

    Mr Sark sends his profuse apologies.

    He will be unable to venture north until he has completed his conversion of the Manly Jetcat to accomodate several thousand marsupials and a pair of cane toads.


  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2007 at 11:25 pm #

    your Melcom!Inn,

  31. avatar
    cita | 25 June 2007 at 11:57 pm #

    In every way you are timeless to me. I don’t count the days. I listen to your music and I read your prose and time stands still for me. In this moment you are still being, creating and giving.

  32. avatar
    Tim | 26 June 2007 at 12:09 am #

    great writers have a way of drawing the reader in..

    well done being!

  33. avatar
    Tim | 26 June 2007 at 12:13 am #

    The letters E – L and O have not been typed nor spoken as often in the last 20 years mote than in the last 2 days…please stop…end of transmission.

  34. avatar
    CSTCoach | 26 June 2007 at 12:25 am #

    enjoying the blogs of the past few days, but haven’t had much time to comment…

    TB, you have mail.


  35. avatar
    Melquiades | 26 June 2007 at 1:25 am #

    Fender Jazzmaster…..

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 June 2007 at 1:37 am #

    Muse: the name of a band- they’re not all bad. More great than bad, not bad at all. Who am I kidding- I’m not a writing professional. No reviews by me, you should be so lucky. Muse does come highly recommended by Richard Butler, the vocalist.

    Some doors slammed shut with the deaths of many of my muses. They all went within a few years from each other and it was frightening, I miss them so terribly. Much like you miss your Snowjob Muse…I know you wanted to make more museic with him.

    Is there a god? God is cruel. I opened my doors to some new muses- reluctantly and eventually very welcoming. We’re close. They’re in pain and often behave like a dying gaul…’knock knock knocking on heavens door.’ Far from the same meaning as the E. Clapton song.

  37. avatar
    kat | 26 June 2007 at 2:09 am #

    i love this one, sk… it sets a real tone, however fundamental it sounds.

  38. avatar
    kat | 26 June 2007 at 2:11 am #

    oh yeah, i know its late, but happy b-day, veleska!!!!

  39. avatar
    third time's a charm | 26 June 2007 at 2:12 am #

    i meant my comment is fundamental, not yer blog, sk!!


  40. avatar
    nickFiction | 26 June 2007 at 2:46 am #

    telepath is such a great song, what a great band…..

  41. avatar
    NickFiction | 26 June 2007 at 2:47 am #

    almost like the beach boys…….

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 June 2007 at 9:54 pm #

    Matt D is just a total cock

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