posted on August 2, 2006 at 12:56 pm

cop cars
sherrifs
state troopers
in all different coloured uniforms
silly hats
guns n handcuffs
walkie talkies
radios a’cracklin’
villains in doorways
the cops anathema
they need each other in symbiosis
the keep each other in business
the villains with their balloons of smack n crack
(bought my self a red balloon, with a blue surprise
tooka lovelight out my eyes, mmmm blue surprise)
the villains who run this piece of turf
cranking out the misery of drugs
the cops catchin’ em
cranking out the misery of the law
an eternal play to be acted out forever
people drive nice cars here
the weathers warm so you can roll the top down
the boulevards are wide n straight
and you can cruise along like yer in a song
from born to run
florida is exciting
and excited by itself
theres a wild crazy anything fucking goes feeling
similar but more intense than australias gold coast
the thought of all them legal guns is never far from my mind
i order inna veggie sub
its delicious
have i ever mentioned that the americans can throw together
some excellent foods?
you know i ve always said that the americans were the best audyences
too
up n till now that is
last nights crowd hadda merry olde chat while we played
i can tell ya
no amount of shushing had any effect
we drive 500 miles so they can talk all the way thru
if you read this blogg
if you have a degree in ku fung
or a black belt in ai-kid-thee
or if youre carrying a mace or some mace
or even a retractable battering ram
please feel free to sort out the talkers next time
who will be appearing near you at a gig soon
we aint played in florrieda for 16 long years
we drive all that way
we are RATHER good too
and they talk n talk n talk
dont wait for my command
SORT THE BASTARDS OUT
something like
” ‘ ear, you dont stop talkin n im gonna fuckin’ deck ya!!!!”
thatll get their attention…
and now youve been polite dont hesitate
to be rude
i mean their being bloody rude
to us
and
you
and i dont understand
why
pay 25 dollaros
to scream in someones ear
over the top of a bunch of old hippy minstrels
i do nae for the livin’ everlovin’ life o’ me unnerstand…

i hadda delicious vegan meal before ye olde show
i had to ask a tester to test the scnitzel
so realistic did it seem
but it turned out veg
ooohhh i wish i had that every night
good on ya florida
sks best din-dins yet
rob dickinson asks me in a perplexed tone
why do australians shorten all the words
into something silly
nk often asks same q.
we say brekky, uni, sickie, postie, milko,stevo,tranny,pollies
gazza,shazza,wazza,wacka,arvo,no wuckers, fer ron,intaya,
and it seems our english speaking friends n allies
dont appreciate our spin on the lang
but
sk has had many (mostly olde ) ladies saying
(in southern accent)
oh my my i do so like yer pritty acksent…
where yall fromm?????
then we run thru the predictable convysation
yall play inna band?
witch band is that hunny?
the cherch…..?
the you know god n all that cherch?
no?
oh yalls a rock band callked the cherch?
hey brad (or mike) have yoo ever herd of an ostraylian groop
called the cherch?
nope?
me neither…
well it shur was nice to meetcha
you enjoy plattsberg now, wontcha?
yoo got any cee dees out?
how many ?
hey mike (or brad) these guys got 17 (or 23) cee dees out
well i’m gonna pick one up!

sometimes i make the answers up
i say we’re from iceland
or lemuria
i say that one of the others is a male stripper
and we’re the backing band
that one usually gets a good laff
but its an old gag now
been going on for 20 years now
originally starring ploogy

my hotel is vry nice
ive enjoyed it
i got my washin’ done at last
a big pile of clean warm shrunken clothes
my undies feel like they were made for someone
of about 10
my sox have migrated down past my ankles
well i told ya i was no good with machines
can ya imagine
yer humble but dopey hero
standing there with my big red bag of washing
(laundry santa claus)
ive gotta load of quarters in my handy
ah …
no..
decisions decisions
which is washer
which is dryer
where n when n how much soapy powder
ooohhh don’ wanna put it in the wrong bloody little door
and then hot delicate
cold press
whites n colours
long spin?
rinse cycle de jour?
set the controls for heart o the sun?
i leave it set at wherever the last genius haddit
super hot shrinka with powder overdose
i push in the quarters
(tho i usually give no quarter)
and i wait
n
wait
n
wait
an intuitive hunch tells me nothin is happening
i fling open the bonnet lid of my machine
the clothes lie still under their layer of powder
some turkeys turned off yon tappies
jester or rogue?
anyway
i do finally negotiate the ups n downs
of the washa n drya
now my washing sits forlornly
in an unsorted mountain in my room
i gotta do an intavu in ten minutes
then i gotta sort this mess hall out
and get reddy
hit the road to wherever next
somewhere where the people dont gab all the way
thru our set
i hope
n
thats for sure!
sk

78 Responses to “american life in the summertime”

  1. avatar
    Anthony | 2 August 2006 at 2:05 pm #

    Hey SK,
    Am I shootin’ some piccies of you and the boys in Hotlanta? Been talkin’ to the lovely Tiare bout it… tryin’ to set something up if time permits. Can’t wait for the show… my wife’s first one! Hope there’s no talkers.
    Much love,
    Anthony

  2. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 2 August 2006 at 2:08 pm #

    skulls and powder
    i should go on tour with you guys
    just to do your laundry
    i’m an expert

  3. avatar
    CSTCoach | 2 August 2006 at 2:18 pm #

    great florida sketch! might I humbly request a little karmic hit booklet of yer travels across amerika, lavishly illustrated? that would certainly sell.

    sorry to hear about the damn talkers. i just don’t understand that. why would anyone go to a show to talk? and why can’t they keep their mouths shut for a couple hours? is that so difficult? do they have to purge every idiotic idea that filts across the space of their empty heads?

    i’ll be catching my first ever choich show (after all these years!) in PA. Any talkers in my vicinity will be quietly choked out, with pleasure.

    ryan

  4. avatar
    Gareth,Notts | 2 August 2006 at 2:28 pm #

    hi SK,you shoulda said in london,would gladly have come on tour and sorted the talkers out!to hell with the anger management,for the luxury of being at every church gig,i’d have made sure you had the undivided attention of the ignorant fools,would need immunity from prosecution though!!! seriously though,what a bunch of feckin’ drips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 2 August 2006 at 2:39 pm #

    I don’t geddit either. At another show I had to continously tell these drunks to shut up; they go on to tell me that they drove all the way from L.A. to see this show (in S.F.) so I ask “You drove all the way from L.A. to SEE this show and you decide to talk through it instead of experiencing it, how does that make sense?”
    Blank stares is all I got in return.
    They went back to talking and spilling their drinks.
    Sometimes I hate people.

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 3:03 pm #

    Doesn’t matter how great you are, they’ll talk anyway. How often does (did) the great Midnight Oil come to Florida? When I finally got to see them, had to move waaay up close to avoid the talkers. That was here in St. Pete. Hope it’s better for the crunch.

  7. avatar
    Samosanx | 2 August 2006 at 3:06 pm #

    weird that, people talking in at gigs……i never could understand it…..
    a woman at womadelaide sits down several minutes from the end in front of me and hundreds of others watching the japanese giant drums band, takes out her camera, and takes piccies through the last few parradiddles……

    i tap on shoulder to enquire and her fashionista deadlocked man hisses at me……

    everyone else leaned back and felt the massive drum vibration and watched the purple clad sweating armed poker faced drummers…vibrations humming through the air and the dirt,…. and this woman is flashcameraing it……

    That mob at your gig should be mass transported to Ronnie Scotts jazz club in London, where the sound of a match lighting will have the bouncers all over you and anything louder you’d be banned for life!

    so that’s what the balloon meant ey?

    well done killer, keeping powder in the washing machine where it belongs!

    love samoxx

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 3:15 pm #

    People drink and talk at shows. It’s been happening for a gazillion years and will happen for another gazillion years. It does no good to hate them. They ainta gonna stoppie. The only remedy is a stack of Marshalls. Like your old songy sayz…Electric.

  9. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 2 August 2006 at 3:19 pm #

    Oh Steven, Steven, Steven…
    I have this vivid picture in my mind of you and your laundry woes. Tiny undies, tiny socks. It sounds like you’ve shrunk your whites my dear. When it doubt, use cold or warm water. Cold for dark colours too. I know you’re writing all this down!! πŸ˜‰ I’m thinking NK does the laundry at home…..hmmm…:)

    I must admit, I really hate the term brekky. That’s all.

    I am SO sorry about the imbeciles talking at the shows. I don’t think any of us understand why people pay good money for a ticket to see a band and then yak about their stupid lives through the whole thing while the rest of us try to actually hear the music. I LOVED the moment in Hollywood at the Henry Fonda when Marty had to shut up that one girl, then people STILL kept talking at the bar, and the WHOLE AUDIENCE screamed, in unison, “SHUT UP AND GO OUTSIDE!” That pretty much did the trick there. Mob rule!!!

    What’s worse is I am ALWAYS ALWAYS stuck behind some couple intent on making passionate love to each other during the show. They can’t stay at home and do that? I didn’t pay to come watch two idiots suck each other’s faces off for two hours. Once at the House of Blues in L.A. I got so mad at this couple apparently trying to conceive a child on top of me that I screamed “I will give you money to go across the street and **** your brains out if you will GET OUT OF HERE AND OFF OF ME!” Pardon me Joycie…

    I am coming to see you in Chicago (don’t worry, I’m not gonna make you sign anything!) and if ANYONE dares to talk during that show, I will personally see to it that they leave the club needing extensive dental work.

    Sycophants alert: I love you Steven. Your observations on American life are so great; I will say Americans do food pretty well – maybe too well. I’m so glad you had a good meal. Hee. It’s the little things in life, ain’t it?
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

  10. avatar
    veleska1970 | 2 August 2006 at 3:41 pm #

    suggestion~~use liquid detergent. it dissolves better…..

    i don’t understand why anybody would want to talk through your show, either. i would have, with great pleasure, decked whoever talked around us in dallas the other night, but strangely enough, nobody in my section was talking. the people around me were behaving themselves if you can believe it. and that’s the way it SHOULD be. but by the way you were kvetching from the stage the other night trying to quiet other idiots down, i guess i can’t say the same for other people…

    “oh my my i do so like yer pritty acksent…
    where yall fromm?????”
    **doubled over laughing my booty off** stop it, steve. ya killlin me!! but you hit the nail right on the head with that one. they said they’d pick up one of your cd’s?? well hey~~there’s some more new fans for ya. and they won’t be disappointed, i’m sure….

    i hope your undies have managed to stretch a little bit before your next show….we don’t want your voice to go up too many octaves, now!! (but then again, maybe the high pitch will force some of the chatterers to shut up.)

  11. avatar
    Noel Christian | 2 August 2006 at 4:22 pm #

    Talking at a gig as grounds for a sound macing? I concur.

    Oddly enough, we both used the phrase ‘show no quarter’ in our respective blogs.

    See you in Cin City.

  12. avatar
    stealthblue | 2 August 2006 at 4:29 pm #

    I will have no problem “SHUSHing” people. If they don’t settle down, me and Tony P. and Coach Ryan and the rest of the gang will take em out back fer ya and thump em with our bare fists! (no guns needed) Right guys?! πŸ™‚ (jk) I understand why people want to get together and catch-up, chat etc, but if they go to see a show specifically, kindly let the band do their thing. It is respectful to everyone. That is the worst feeling in the world, yeah we play music because we love it etc, but if your playing a gig and you’re not half bad, it is nice to feel the embrace of an audience, right? I did this gig once at a “sports bar” …nuff said, but it was the first time I have ever tried to compete with the NCAA March madness, and while we’re playing our little hearts out, I’m belting (maybe caterwauling) out some “astounding” phrase, and everyone is looking up at the freakin’ multiple Mega TV screens. Ouch! Yeah, we’re were a group of “nobodies” playing in the back room of a a sports bar, but thank God there were a few faithful souls hanging out through our set (mostly wives, girlfriends, pals, and some people too drunk to know the diffrence!!), once in a while disappearing to the front for some b-ball action. Serioulsy though, if you pay to go see a band like The Church in an acoustic setting, give ’em a little courtesy and just listen. Go talk in the main room up front if you must, just no when others are trying to get their fix of a good band. God, Steve, you had me in stitches thinking of you doing laundry!! We have your back so to speak. Thanks for the “yuk-yuks”. Travel well, sir…
    BV

  13. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 2 August 2006 at 4:32 pm #

    you know they was jus chasin aliens
    those folks are different then us,…..
    re. sisters ,possibly one of the most endearing ,lyricaly wonderful,emotion provoking songs ive ever in all my days ,ever, heard

    now lets just pretend im some visiting dignatary,.or foreign emmissary or jus t very , very..
    and i simply must hear
    what i consider to be
    one of the all time all stars from that dist,….ant galaxy, twenty tears ago ,.sisters…..

    and suppose weve brought gifts ,.. like possibility ,..and wonder ,…jazzy smokes and the finest laundry suds

    how scintillating at the hour of our greatest attention,..how sticky sweet like the manuka,…

    for some twenty years now
    i am dwarfed and tangled..

    so just an observstion ,..a slight allignment,.. some non plussed irony,..

    if shes there that night
    so close to the city of brotherly love,..soft pretzels

    she ,..the matriarch,….the mamma san of the minstrel…well a tweak here and a fiddle there……

    anna comes and goes in scilence……………

  14. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 2 August 2006 at 4:57 pm #

    the blogguture is 21 degrees and dropping.

    tonight,we will see some darkness ,.followed by some greyness followed by some coffee

    the air quality ,..
    breathless…

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 5:26 pm #

    ka asks: What kinda powder did he use?

    Cracka

  16. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 2 August 2006 at 5:32 pm #

    me guess those gabbers and chatterers don’t really understand what me church band represents, maybe they should be left behind…
    mjnjr

  17. avatar
    demeter | 2 August 2006 at 5:38 pm #

    be grateful that your young children weren’t there to add their sparkle pens and crayons to the hot cycle. it makes one’s clothes ever so pretty and psychedelic, in all the wrong ways.

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 5:46 pm #

    Keep on keepin’ on SK. Your audience maybe rather small, but we love you are we are listening with gratitude and bliss to the sounds you create. If I could, I’d follow this tour like the deadheads used to do.

  19. avatar
    demeter with coffee | 2 August 2006 at 5:50 pm #

    and if nasssty peoples want to do their chit-chat at a Crunchy show near me, well, that is why I have those 3 inch heeled killa shoes, to be smashing their nasssty footsies with

    calculate psi now…

  20. avatar
    Centuryhouse | 2 August 2006 at 5:55 pm #

    The talkers irk me. There were plenty of them in Dallas. I think that most of the people doing it are local scenesters who don’t care about the band and sometimes don’t even know the band – they just want to be out at a club and blab to their buddies while drinking.

    There were 3 girls ahead of me at the Dallas show who talked the whole time. As fate would have it, they ended up in front of me the VERY NEXT NIGHT at another club halfway accross town – and they talked all through that band’s set too.

    Good luck on the rest of the tour. Ignore the talkers, the rest of us are hanging on every note.

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 6:03 pm #

    Oh!
    The care package has socks but no chonis!
    CPE

  22. avatar
    davem | 2 August 2006 at 6:53 pm #

    Now that was fucking funny.
    I’ve had a shocking day. Just got in from work, logged straight on to yon blogge to read “HMV” & bingo……I’m uplifted.
    Cheers SK. More power to your spinning cycle.

    I can’t imagine the crunch being talked through!!
    I’ll get them for you matey!!
    Love you more,

    DaveM

  23. avatar
    John Garratt | 2 August 2006 at 7:00 pm #

    Cold wash/cold rinse.

    That never fails. Clothes won’t shrink and colors won’t bleed.

    John

  24. avatar
    heatherspace(d) | 2 August 2006 at 7:20 pm #

    I think you should throw grapes at the talkers – you have excellent aim.

  25. avatar
    robert madore | 2 August 2006 at 7:48 pm #

    I’ll be driving 6 hours to see your show in San Francisco. Know that if there are talkers in my vicinity destroying my movement into theta I will psychically crush them. Or use my boots.
    Mr K…speaking of Lemuria…Have you ever been to Mt Shasta in northern California? They live beneath the mountain. Ships frequently seen. And they walk among us occasionally…

  26. avatar
    bucks burnett | 2 August 2006 at 8:14 pm #

    Steve, Marty, Peter – I just want you to know that last night’s gig that I missed was absolutely THE BEST CHURCH GIG THAT I’VE EVER MISSED!!! Oh my god, the whole time, I couldn’t believe I actually wasn’t there. I will never forget not experienceing it, for as long as I live. Luvya!!

  27. avatar
    smoochgirl | 2 August 2006 at 8:29 pm #

    lol! good stuff! *grin* except for the dang talkers, that is. *frown* i can’t understand that either. i was mesmerized at the houston show and cannot imagine interrupting that with frivolous dialogue; i don’t remember too many talkers, but do remember you saying something like, “we don’t show up at your work and play!” yeah, too bad you don’t! we were in the 2nd row, so perhaps the drunken monkeys at the bars were drowned out by your sublime sound. anyhoo, i hope that doesn’t stop you from returning to our hee-haw neck of the woods in the future!

  28. avatar
    DJK082067 | 2 August 2006 at 8:44 pm #

    SK and all who will be graced by the brillance of The Church on 08/18 at the Park West in Chicago. I also noticed from a recent BLOG that “queen hatshepsut” may attend. I offer up a dining experince to relish. Aprox. 1/2 block west of the Park West(340W) on Armitage is a lovely cafe entitled “Geja Cafe” (322W). # is 773-281-9101. A romantic fondue establishment with a menu for meat eaters and vegans. Call for Reservations (a must !!!) and allow at least 2 hours before the show because anyone familar with “fondue” knows that it is an exciting and time consuming experience. My wife and I made RSVP at 5:30pm to allow us enough time to enjoy the ambience,spirits,and my bday (08/20). Tab can be a little pricey ( not rent or a car payment unless the wine flows long and large). Heed my advice and begin the evening of magic with a little gourmet created by you and your love ones and your own quaint table.
    DJK

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 8:50 pm #

    Unfortunately at the HOB in Orlando we have the talkers too. I’ve been to so many concerts there and they just can’t shut up. Imagine it will be the same tonite. Oh well….we’ll see.

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 9:16 pm #

    Hey Steve, if you run out of quarters at the laundrette Aussie 10c substitute nicely for quarters ;-). I stress, only if you run out of quarters!

  31. avatar
    CSTCoach | 2 August 2006 at 9:27 pm #

    Stealth,

    i would love to combine forces with you, and our other allies on the blog. the mace is a lovely weapon, but perhaps a little too genteel for those who talk at choich concerts. i’m thinking a vicious penetentiary style beating with a cafeteria tray πŸ˜‰ In my experience in the miserable places of the world, one decisive thrashing usually shuts the rest of em up…

    though if any of you folks has a horse or four, there’s always drawing and quartering…

    ryan

  32. avatar
    General Catz | 2 August 2006 at 9:45 pm #

    Steve, i want to thank you for the inclusion of that beautiful early Floyd title….

    And your blog made me grin. You would have ended up being in show business one way or the other.

    xoxo

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 9:46 pm #

    The juxtaposition of four β€œChurchy” hippies in the conservative south east U.S. is almost hilarious. Just don’t get invited to any Klan meetings, you might become the Bar-b-que…. LOL

    FT

  34. avatar
    General Catz | 2 August 2006 at 9:46 pm #

    Forgot to say, see you in Chicago and Milwaukee.

  35. avatar
    the dean | 2 August 2006 at 10:04 pm #

    I suggest pegging chalk at the talkers just like back in school.

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2006 at 10:45 pm #

    Nooo….peg the blackboard duster…much more impactful.

    B.Bon

  37. avatar
    getintoityarippa!! | 2 August 2006 at 11:30 pm #

    Another gem Mr kilbo! All I gotta say is this…..put up a sign outside gig (next to the Tour poster that say’s in no uncertain terms. “Please do not talk during concert, if you feel the urge to, please leave the auditorium and go outside. If you feel you cannot stand and enjoy the band without conversation, best not to attend a cHURCH concert.
    Regards the band.

  38. avatar
    Todd Goninon | 3 August 2006 at 12:11 am #

    Yeah, we Aussies can be a lazy bunch when it comes to language…

    Maybe the early poineers were too knackered from taming the wilderness to string a decent sentence together?

    It ain’t easy knocking down gums, putting up fences and keeping the dingoes out!

  39. avatar
    CouldBeAnyone | 3 August 2006 at 12:14 am #

    Sorry about the talkers and the laundry. I’d be happy to shush people if only I were able to go to a show.

    Ann (queen of laundry)

  40. avatar
    verdelay | 3 August 2006 at 12:33 am #

    onya stevo
    hope yer undies don’t squash yer nasties
    can’t lose that creamy purr of yours to a sour falsetto

    and they said laundry tales would never sail…

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 12:40 am #

    I’m looking forward to Atlanta. The good news is the Venue in Atlanta – The Variety Playhouse – is an old theatre and not very conducive to talking. There’s no bar in the vicinity of the stage (someone correct me on this if I am wrong).
    Steven

  42. avatar
    eek | 3 August 2006 at 1:43 am #

    You know the phrase “put a sock in it”? Well… give your shrunken socks to Tim and send him out to pay the yapping idiots a visit. I’ll even spring for the roll of duct tape to make sure the socks stay put…. πŸ™‚

  43. avatar
    syrinx | 3 August 2006 at 2:28 am #

    Steven (anonymous): usually I look for excuses NOT to trek home to the family in south Georgia, although your particular post makes me wish I had the money to. But just this once! Enjoy the theatre – it sounds wonderful. Wish I could catch THAT show.

  44. avatar
    abtom0104 | 3 August 2006 at 2:38 am #

    SK,

    Yet another classic instalment of life on the road with the chrurc. Enjoying the tour diary immensely. Keep it up.

    When you guys played at the Corner Hotel in Melbourne a couple of years ago (around Dec ’04 for memory) I brought a mate along who had never seen you live and unfortunately he was a talker. In the end I just told him to shut the fuck up as I still wanted to enjoy the show. Thankfully he did and it ended up being one of the best shows I’ve witnessed. For memory you played the first half a dozen songs acoustic (showcasing the brilliant el momento cd) and was blown away with the kick arse, full blown electric epic You Took late in the set. Was very close to needing a laundrette myself after that show.

    Have been listening to the chrcch’s first few cd’s in the car lately and am still blown away how ahead of it’s time Is This Where You Live was. Fucking awesome song.

    JD

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 2:56 am #

    Steve,

    I’m understanding how you feel in those tight undies, had the same experience just the other day. You just don’t appreciate well fitted underpants until you have to put up with an uncomfortable pair for a day (or 2).

    Tell it like it is Steve.

    Pete from Melb (cold today)

  46. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 3 August 2006 at 3:38 am #

    Wow, DJK is giving me dining ideas for Chicago! How nice of you! That sounds like a lovely place – thanks! And darn if that Anonymous Steven talking about the Variety theatre in Atlanta ain’t my very own brother. I think he finally made a comment.

    Miracles abound Steven! (K) < ----------church steven Keep posting Steven (d)< --------------brother steven Can’t wait for Chicago. People think I’m crazy. I know I am. It’s wonderful.
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

  47. avatar
    orange is gorgeous | 3 August 2006 at 3:46 am #

    little alex alert!

    nice to read clockwork orange 2- yes droogies- in these very pages.

    carry on steve. carry it boy.

  48. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 4:13 am #

    what a great read. Since you are boycotting the pac nw on this tour (the only place in the country that has nice summers) at least I can stay in the loop! -C

  49. avatar
    The Other One | 3 August 2006 at 5:49 am #

    Exhausting day of work. Hard interaction with any substance now let alone letal one.
    But little one, you made me laugh hysterically like a good witch should. ‘Cause after Eternity there comes…the washing machine. Thanks. It explains everything. The Bing Bang in a washing machine. Sonic Youth could never be wrong.
    You know, explosions leave tiny pieces scattered everywhere, it doesn’t care if it’s your socks or…what’s that word?…oh, undies.
    Chrome injury. Poor people unable to operate in quotidian terms. Been there before everyday. I’m learning to live with my limitations. My first worst-seller will be named “Steve’s Machines Man-ual”. Inside, a list of hippypsychic songs and models of buttons that never switch off.
    Btw, you forgot the option “be careful with that washing machine, eugene”. Or “interestellar shrinkingdrive”.
    Anyway, talkers? I’d delicately perfurate their eyes with my stiletto heels. Or throw large quantities of any drink upon their heads. It happened in ordinary discos before. In a Church concert? It would reach the sublime.
    It’s a shame that anglos lack wild quality in situations like these. I’d be distinctively wild to preserve the politeness of the trance. But you know, I’m uninvited, hahahahaha.

  50. avatar
    The Other One | 3 August 2006 at 5:55 am #

    P.S.: Oh, and I forgot that you just took a ride in a washing machine. You see, Hawk-wind season.

  51. avatar
    Jon Slater | 3 August 2006 at 6:00 am #

    Hope tonights show at HOB Orlando went better and the peeps had sense enough to shut it and witness the majesty and the glory that is The Church. Was hoping to be there as well as St. Pete, but I’m having to settle for just St. Pete. Well aware though how lucky I am, and being in Florida I know the empty feeling of seeing our fave band tour the US and not come close enough to go see. Before marriage, I could and did (’98 HOB and ’99 BoB) hop on a plane and fly to a city they were playing, but not since then. Spent earlier tonight reminiscing through a box of Church goodies, newspaper clippings, etc. I’ve been saving since ’88 and collected back earlier. I join in unison with the other bloggers here and thank you for everything Steve. Have a safe trip to St. Pete!

  52. avatar
    jon slater | 3 August 2006 at 6:06 am #

    One other thing, I saw someone mentioned this a while ago, but while in St. Pete if you have time there’s the Dali Museum, not far from the venue. Worth checking into if that’s your speed.

  53. avatar
    Daniel 26, 18 | 3 August 2006 at 6:16 am #

    As some long forgotten poet already wrote:

    ‘I am Brahman,
    but who will do the laundry?’

  54. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 6:37 am #

    So it’s not only the drunken yobs of oz who ruin everything at a Church gig, now that’s a crying shame. That’s the reason I’m always pinned up against the front of the stage at your gigs, not only to get a close up perv of you sk! (ha ha), but to stay as far away as possible from those rude, loud, drunken FU**ERS!!!

    Chonk on baybee!

    Luv
    Amanda P

  55. avatar
    Altres | 3 August 2006 at 7:32 am #

    I have been know to utter the calming and hushing words “shut the fuck up, c*nts” in my soft and friendly Scottish accent to those chatting nearby. Normally works too. πŸ˜€

    Brian

  56. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 9:14 am #

    I confess, I spoke up from the audience one night, but I couldn’t help myself. Tall Tales and True, as a trio, were playing at the ANU bar circa 1991, Matthew Delahunty says, “well, last time we were here there were five of us” and I naturally said “what, two of us and you three?” but that was it. Every gig I go to, I like to let the music do its job on me. And, one night when I was playin in my mate’s band, the payers could not shut up. So we say, ‘look, if you’re gonna talk, nick off to the front bar or keep ya mouth shut and let those who wanna listen listen’ and then the little bastards stopped talking among themselves and started payin’ out on us for ‘diss’n them’. Just because you parted with cash to come and see a band does not give you the right to disrespect your fellow punter. I’ve seen you Steve, goin’ to clock a guy on scone with ya bass for talking all the way through the sensitive bit of the song, you told him you were gonna do it, He was lucky you stopped at the last second. I couldn’t see from where I was standing but I wonder, did he duck in fear???. Now I think of it, you fellas but up with a lot of that crap, kids calling out for tunes that are older than they are and then getting pissed off because you won’t play it. It’s not your fault if your progressive and they’re regressive. Show some respect or go to the Wrestling ya little punks. One day I’m gonna leave my name. Ciao

  57. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 9:38 am #

    My suggestion…Gag the batstards by getting your roadies to stuff their mouths and throats with yer unwashed socks and kick em out of the gig!
    Love
    Rehan

  58. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 9:38 am #

    My suggestion…Gag the batstards by getting your roadies to stuff their mouths and throats with yer unwashed socks and kick em out of the gig!
    Love
    Rehan

  59. avatar
    RA | 3 August 2006 at 10:23 am #

    Talkers. Wankers.

    Frank Dunnery ( is it his American Life in the Summertime you quote?) Had a novel approach when i saw him once in Wolverhampton. He kept stopping and repaeting to the crowd what the woman in the front row was talking about to her mate (sausages for tea..) Eventually he got down from the stage and approached her. He offered her a deal. He plays her her own original never before heard guitar piece which he will make up now, on the spot.. and she shuts up. She agrees and he knocks out 3 mins of vityuoso acoustic guitar noodling. She remained quiet.

    same gig.. a bit later. Someone shouts out for the soong Sunflowers. They add that it’s for their daughter who wants it but is too shy to ask. Franky comes down into the crowd, sits next to the young girls and plays the song just for her. She was chuffed.

    Sorry to have been absent for a while. Still reading you, but head too full of other stuff to make the mental leap to comment most of time at mo.

    Peace,

    Richard.

  60. avatar
    limebeaver | 3 August 2006 at 12:18 pm #

    I never never bloody ever thought i would be remotely interested in reading about somebodies smalls…
    All power to the man
    Maybe he already has all the power?
    god how confusing

    Limebeaver

  61. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 12:34 pm #

    Hi Steve,

    Terrible to hear about the chatty audiences. I remember how amazing the audience was in London few months ago (most respectful audience I ever saw), and was pretty good in Budapest too. Just seemed to be one or two loud ones (though they screaming how much they love you, thats a strange way to show love..). You are going to play my hometown of Atlanta soon. Got some goodies waiting for you, and Tiare promised to look after my parents (the gift bearers). Wish I could be there.
    Take Care
    KevinN

  62. avatar
    biggle boggle | 3 August 2006 at 1:08 pm #

    People talk at shows because they don’t really like music. It’s just something else they’re supposed to spend their money on, another luxury they can afford. Remote luxury, ha ha.

    They’ll never stop talking and we’ll never stop fuming.

    That’s what Red Balloon is about? Interesting.

  63. avatar
    sue cee | 3 August 2006 at 1:45 pm #

    your laundry blues gave me the giggles, ha those gorgeous machines πŸ™‚
    x

    everyone, there’s a videoblog uploaded now to http://www.myspace.com/stevekilbey for your aural and visual pleasure

  64. avatar
    Renee | 3 August 2006 at 2:01 pm #

    DAMN!!!!
    they’ve got myspace blocked here at work
    8 tortuous hours of not knowing!!!
    (on top of the usual everyday excruciating pain of being here!)

  65. avatar
    syrinx | 3 August 2006 at 2:05 pm #

    oh sue cee – thank you muchly for the heads up. i enjoyed that enormously! the morning began so boring…

  66. avatar
    Renee | 3 August 2006 at 2:06 pm #

    Ah geez, rub it in!

  67. avatar
    syrinx | 3 August 2006 at 2:21 pm #

    hangs head….

  68. avatar
    rubikon | 3 August 2006 at 2:25 pm #

    No wuckers stevo, i’ll wacko the talkies if I see ’em – impolly barsts.

    Did ploogy ever follow that alternate career path.

    I told you to bring plenty of knickers with ya – it’s the heat man – you’ll have to do a tour of siberia next – they’ll fit you then :).

    Love the Bloggy at the moment btw.

  69. avatar
    Renee | 3 August 2006 at 2:25 pm #

    I’m not feelin well all of a sudden (cough cough)
    I think I need to go home πŸ˜‰

  70. avatar
    The Man with no Point | 3 August 2006 at 3:00 pm #

    What’s the point?
    Do you have a point?

  71. avatar
    CSTCoach | 3 August 2006 at 3:31 pm #

    Thanks for the heads up, sue cee!

    πŸ™‚

  72. avatar
    secretBeatinMichigan | 3 August 2006 at 3:40 pm #

    Geez…

    Did I read right? The Vegan wants me to bash some heads ’cause they WANT to pay $25 and talk through the show too? That’s Peace Love ‘n’ Understandin’ ?

    Methinks the fella has been sneakin’ jerky on the side – what rage!

    Detroit Show. Live for the DEE-TROIT SHOW!!

    Have a good day!!

  73. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 3 August 2006 at 3:42 pm #

    man this is an animation in heavy metal magazine, set inside some future tour of a desert planet by an aging yet ludicrously talented and still – ooh cha cha! – sexy bunch of axe-slingers with shady pasts and beautiful girls in distant lands, searching for nirvana under strange circustances, under big shady fedoras, under true pretences,
    under a series of aliases, under constant temptation, under few illusions, under much hotter skies

  74. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2006 at 3:48 pm #

    kill kill, pussycat kill!
    Wash wash, pussycat wash!

  75. avatar
    veleska1970 | 3 August 2006 at 4:05 pm #

    MUCHO GRACIAS, SUE CEE!!!

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  76. avatar
    veleska1970 | 3 August 2006 at 4:09 pm #

    that’s ok, renee, they have “myspace” blocked here, too. look at it this way~~you have something to look forward to when you go home. that’s the way i see it!! πŸ˜€

  77. avatar
    captainmission | 4 August 2006 at 12:21 am #

    i never understand how people seem to chat through church shows, i wouldn’t want to miss a note nor be sent back from my transendance, those takers are just not getting it, must be some brain thing.
    i recall seeing marty and steve play an acustic show and this lady was chatting all through it, steve, says, ‘oh do you mind not talking, perhaps you can wait till we finished, its just very rude.’
    and this guy next to her yells out, ‘hey you wanna try being married to her…’
    next time i’ll mace both of them. ha πŸ™‚

  78. avatar
    Brad | 7 August 2006 at 3:06 pm #

    I’m still coming down from the Flaming Lips and Sonic Youth from Friday night….the worst part of the show was the dumb bitch (sorry ladies but my wife and her friend called her that not me) that kept blabbing in a drunken high pitched voice throughout the entire friggin show…..all I kept thinking was “what a tolerant boyfriend she has” so when the FLips broke into Yoshimi part 2 and I started bebopping around like an idiot, I made sure her and her idiot boyfriend went elsewhere to get away from crazy fat guy dancing like an idiot ( my indian name )

    see ya in detroit SK….we’ll listen we always do!


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