posted on February 10, 2011 at 3:03 pm

picking up an insistent distant beat

fuck who am i ?

i incarnate on this cold street

i manifest in some shady hotel

i sit in the lobby reading a newspaper

the dates are all wrong

the pictures are all blurry and vague

out into the empty streets i go

i stand outside a restaurant

hell which town is this

drug deals cops n robbers

i see all good people turn their heads each day so satisfied

im on my way

hey my show sold out i say to someones shadow

yeah which show was that ? asks a big black shape

i dont uh i uh i dont remember i say as i walk away

there is much laughter in the darkness around me

i stand in front of this restaurant

mexican food mission style

i go in only an old man working there

a wonderfully humble descendent of some incan king

what would you like sir he asks and smiles

i get lost in his smile

his accent is thick and my fucking ears are ringing

i’m sorry i stumble about

what would you like sir , some beans and rice ….

is there…..i begin to ask

no meat or lard in black beans sir he says

he look at me

i know who you are he say

i know exactly who you are even if you dont

the man laugh laugh

i know who you are he repeat

who am i i ask who am i then

oh senor you know who you are

oh senor you know me before oh yes

oh senor we go back a long way my friend

suddenly we are interrupted

a woman comes out of the kitchen

this is my daughter but he already know that… says the man

i think the daughter is young

but the closer she gets i see she is almost as old as me

he doesnt remember says the daughter smiling

no he doesnt remember says the man and serves up my dinner

the food is delicious

they close up the shop

they sit down around me

in some weird corner of some dirty northern city

in some obscure cafe

the man pours out some sangria

he lights a cigarette

he sits back looking at me

what is your name now? he asks

i cant fucking think of my name for the life of me

he dont remember that either smiles the daughter

he dont remember much……she concludes

she is youthful but old looking

the combination is quite confusing

what you looking at …? she smirks triumphantly

the man puffs on his cigarette and chuckles

hes looking at you maria

maria long dead glide through this tonite i say

the daughter smiles but shakes her head

the man nods ah yes maybe you do know who you used to be

who i used to be i ask

i’m sitting in their flat somewhere above the cafe

some freaky feeling in the air

i know you had the vine i know you seen the light says someone

i know you partook of that san pedro cactus that showeth man miracles

lemuria ? i say

the man laughs

the daughter pours herself another sangria

lemuria ….  she says

now what have you come for….this….? asks the man

he pours a little mountain of white powder on the table

go on he says you love the stuff

the daughter says no this is what he likes

she lifts up her skirt

no… both!  someone says and they all laugh

it is true i mustve known you  somewhere once i say

yes they say

that is true

i stand up and leave

you know where we are the daughter says

just around the corner from any hotel says the man

the night is cold bitterly cold

a siren blasting the street

desperate transaction in alleyway

guy walking his poodle

crazy person filthy looking like a monster

i see the most hideous   hag

and i see this once handsome lad

they stand whispering in the lamplight at the end of lonely street

i wonder which drug had brought them undone

and then i saw the vodka bottle flash from a pocket and poured into a cup

vodka had undone these wretches

they were like characters youd see at a medieval witch burning

cant find my way home

i hear some whispering going on around me

up to my coldwater room

full of clothes strewn everywhere

i sink on the sagging bed

i blow my nose

i rub my eyes

sleep comes like a merciful angel eventually

in the deepest warmest dreams i wander lonely as a frickin’ cloud

oh sleep always such a friend to me

have i ever been awake in my whole time here?

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