posted on August 1, 2008 at 2:23 am

did you see that film rosencrantz and guilderstern (or whatever)
it was a great idea
it took 2 characters out of hamlet
and wove em in and out of shakespeares play
they had their own lines and then they had their other lines
they kinda fleshed out their story a little
a great move by tom stoppard the author
he takes this thing from something else thats hugely successful
and well known
and he appends his own star to that
same as” wicked”
what happened in oz before dorothy got there
everyone loves wizard of oz right?
youre already on a winner
so you just write a prequel or sequel
or something that intersects the already known thing
now i guess that got me to thinkin’
think of something successful that i could move into …
like …well..the bible…
everyone loves the bible right?
well….ok…i guess not …but still
what happened in bethlehem before jesus arrived
the 3 wise men…in their own words
doubting thomas …the spin off
pilate…the pilot
survivor: parting the red see
now theres loads of books to jump into or out of
the count of monte cristos big book of christmas stories
narnia 8 : attack of wolves with american gangster accents
war and peace: more war and peace 2
lord of the rings 4: guess whos back…and this time its personal!!!
harry potter : the screwdriver in the axlegrease : the mechanic years
of course you can jump on old records too
sergeant peppers and sons lonely hearts club band
exile on mainstreet : the even numbers
before blonde was on blonde
derek stardust (ziggys brother)
nevermind( this neither)
saturday night fever :sunday morning wobbles
grease :on ice
andy warhol presents the velvet underground and geraldine
you see how easy this all this?
find something you like
figure an angle in or out
youre attached to greatness and you expand
look i’ll show you how easy it is
pick one of those great train novels
inspector derriere on the trans europe express
a bunch of real nasty suspect characters
madame fifi despottyvich…she had a motive
the lieutenant …robertson ponce de knack
lord pingbone the royal but disloyal viscount
hedges the taxidermist
mon beeb-beeb the twisted cardinal
jenkins cod-berry the english cad and dandy who is also a caddy
so all these characters on this train
ok youre saying
hold on tb
this books already bin writ
and sold a millyon too
yes yes
of course
who could forget the dynamited bridge
and the overstuffed old boiler
or when the villain rams mrs futtock in the caboose
its legendary stuff
i know the authoress lady agnes chrispy was beknighted for it
gee this is so easy and guaranteed
i should do it myself
take some minor character in the story
like grimble the stationmaster
or farquar the ticket collector
imagine farquars life
the day before murder on the trans europe express
imagine him eating his breakfast greasy eggs n a cigarette
imagine him taking his uniform to the dry cleaners
imagine him having a shave and arguing with his brother bert
see him collecting all the other passengers tickets
clop clop! goes that little thing that punches the holes
we see his shiny black boots
we see him arguing in german over the price of a ticket to munster
we see him eating the pickle sandwich bert has packed for him
we see him filing his nails and
we watch him in the mirror plucking nasal hair
and all the time
we know
tomorrow theres gonna be a murder
see….? its rivetting stuff….aint it?
go get em
pick something big
attach yourself
reap the wild euros
thank me
at least

38 Responses to “another great idea”

  1. avatar
    craig1.618 | 1 August 2008 at 6:38 am #

    aren’t those seinfeld episodes?

  2. avatar
    fantasticandy | 1 August 2008 at 6:41 am #

    ‘inspector derriere on the trans europe express’
    ….sounds like a french porn film!

  3. avatar
    athanasiuspernath | 1 August 2008 at 6:46 am #

    The Asteroida Collection – Seastar II, “Northwest, Southeast, Northeast and Southwest”, “Really Lost (this time)”, “Another bloody new season”, “Auberge uterus”, “Lurch”, “Blood Cash – the hemophiliac mix”, plus: 140 takes of David Lindley’s improvisation on the Antenna solo. Plus – what really happened to the guy with the plaster before, and the story of the frame maker.

    The Name of the Forest Rose – Friar Tuck’s greatest criminological achievements.

  4. avatar
    the dean | 1 August 2008 at 7:36 am #

    God the monday after(what he\it\she got up to between creation and abe)

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 August 2008 at 7:53 am #

    To think of the story outside the story… You’re building up the context in which everything that is already known is gonna be developed. The problem is that people will know where it’ll end and people claim for their “the ends” to be the final surprise, the peak of the experience. What would be their reaction to this? Would you be fatalist and just show how the characters destiny was inevitable since their first breath or would you explore the many twists and turns that could have changed it all forever?
    Maybe I have to see it by another angle. A story is just a story. It doesn’t matter how it’s gonna end or how it already ended. What matters here is to witness and observe how the characters lived till all you know began to happen to them. The path not the destination.
    It makes sense,, Kilbey. It can always make sense.
    I still lie here in my dawn’s corner (or chorus) whispering to you: a screenplay, a screenplay…

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 August 2008 at 7:56 am #

    Ah, forgot to say that I l o v e “types of ambiguity”. It’s your speciality, royal bastard.

  7. avatar
    jazmag | 1 August 2008 at 9:24 am #

    There’s a hardcore porn version of Jane Eyre, if that’s any good to ya.

  8. avatar
    steve kilbey | 1 August 2008 at 9:40 am #

    jane bare!

  9. avatar
    linjo | 1 August 2008 at 9:54 am #

    Or you could really torture yourself and imagine being tied down to watch “Australia 2” (if you havnt already blown out your brains watching ‘our Nic’ in number one. 2 will feature guest star Urbs, (complete with nose job and hair foils) as the ‘larrikin’ ringer who turns ‘our’ Nic’s head.Another gem from Baz who bought us acclaimed cinematic joy such as Moulin Rouge! Aussie Aussie Aussie oi oi oi!!!

  10. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 1 August 2008 at 10:22 am #

    my daughter is going through a wizard of oz phase at the moment…seen the movie and we’re two thirds through the book…was written many, many years ago, the one we’re reading….she loves it…
    mrs futtock??? agnes chrispy??? lord pingbone??? a bit o’ the ol’ monty python ‘appenin’ ‘ere, sire…
    love always…

  11. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 1 August 2008 at 10:23 am #

    jane bare…yukkayukkayukka

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 August 2008 at 10:59 am #

    here here,well spoken bruce!!;) xo

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 August 2008 at 11:03 am #

    Jane Bare – genius. There was a gay porn version of MenInBlack called InBlackMen. Don’t ask me how I know. I said don’t.

  14. avatar
    princey | 1 August 2008 at 11:07 am #

    French porn, hardcore jane “bare”, ramming villians, trains thru tunnels… I totally forgot what I wanted to write now!
    luv Amanda

  15. avatar
    big titty girl | 1 August 2008 at 11:16 am #

    There’s a hardcore porno novel sequel to Le Fanu’s ‘Carmilla’!

  16. avatar
    robert altman | 1 August 2008 at 11:24 am #

    Gwyneth in Sylvia 2 – she was actually saved when concerned neighbours reported a gas leak at the end of the first un, & falls in love with the gasman. Will Ted the Yorkshire Bastard win back her ginger love with his craggy sonnets and black pudding?

  17. avatar
    verdelay | 1 August 2008 at 11:26 am #

    How about

    “How Muzzlehatch came to acquire his menagerie”

    Too serious?

    How about

    “Paradise Beach”

    The final book in Johnny Milton’s famous ‘paradise’ trilogy – Satan and his cohorts give up making war on heaven and move…to the beach! Laugh along with the gang in this new series summer fun of adventures etc.,

  18. avatar
    marc | 1 August 2008 at 12:34 pm #

    saw the wombats…recycled can sound fresh…to hear kids going off in mass was refreshing man…rock is NOT dead, recycled or not…theyre just kids, but to them, this is all they got…cant be a bad thing…

    off the tangent.

  19. avatar
    marcccccccc | 1 August 2008 at 12:35 pm #

    recycled can…thats funny!!

  20. avatar
    Shawn El | 1 August 2008 at 1:02 pm #

    Do it! You do need the $ to support your family right? Besides your vivid imagination is bound to cash it in eventually.

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 August 2008 at 1:20 pm #

    Have you ever tried plucking nasal hair?! Fuuuuuuuck!

  22. avatar
    woods | 1 August 2008 at 1:25 pm #

    I’ll take 2 dobie pups please. I promise to give them good names like Tiddly Wink and Pottylamp!

  23. avatar
    John | 1 August 2008 at 1:48 pm #

    May I take “Before Everything, There Was That”?

    The first track will be called “Letters.”

    John Garratt

  24. avatar
    stefan colby of the mosque | 1 August 2008 at 2:12 pm #

    My band will do an album called Mayday. Won’t tell you much about it for a long time though.

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 August 2008 at 2:58 pm #

    (What about a rivetting story about the creator of Tiddly-Winks?) This is fairdinkum – I reckon this would sell: the story of Matthew and Marilla, lost loves and so on, before Anne (of GG) came to live with them. I would buy that in a shot.

  26. avatar
    William | 1 August 2008 at 5:02 pm #

    I really loved Wicked the novel.

    I was slightly bummed that it got so popular as a musical, as I had hoped that if it were to have a life off the pages it would be in the form of an amazing, brooding, beautiful film. Now, I haven’t seen the musical, but there was nothing about the book, aside from the fact that, you know, it was associated with the Wizard of Oz and all, that screamed “musical!”. Oh well. Guess it’s still possible.

    I love the concept in general though — everyone has a story. Often, it might seem that we just have bit parts in someone else’s movie — but *we* know better. I think the concept appeals to people on that level too — not to mention the obvious appeal of the re-examination of already-much-loved source material.

    Songs are totally applicable too. Remember when Billie Jean replied to Michael? Or Roxanne to U.T.F.O. (probably not)? So, like, what about the Mistress’s side of the story? Yeah? Am I Right? 🙂

  27. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 1 August 2008 at 6:02 pm #

    Soory fans of evertyhing Kilbey but I’m going to be selfish again and rank the Church’s Best CDs not including the exemplary el memento acoustic jam gems.
    1) Forget Yourself
    2) After Everything Now This
    3) Hologram Of Baal
    4) Sometime Anywhere
    5) Priest-Aura
    6) Beside Yourself
    7) Uninvited Like The Clouds
    8) Heyday
    9) Parallel Universe
    10) Starfish

    Obama leads McCain by one point in American polls. Likud will win next Israeli election. Pollution will hamper Chinese Olympics. Dogs and cats have been taken off China’s menus during the olympics.

  28. avatar
    jax | 1 August 2008 at 6:39 pm #

    always had a vision of HOB as an IMAX adventure opening with the Great Machine and moving backwards to Anaesthesia-all the elements-no blue screens-closing with another earth -full circle? Oh..but must include Awful Ache the song that is legendary..a spanish version of AA would kill.

  29. avatar
    davem | 1 August 2008 at 6:45 pm #

    I thought the regurgitated old cheesey stuff had been wrapped up by The Feeling??

  30. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 1 August 2008 at 6:54 pm #

    “Who are you, and you?”

  31. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 1 August 2008 at 8:40 pm #

    Speaking of cheese Davem. it’s evil. Most of it contains rennet which is derived from the stomach linings of baby calves. I only learned this a few months ago. Eating certain cheeses is tantamount to eating veal.

  32. avatar
    davem | 1 August 2008 at 11:29 pm #

    Hi Brien.
    Virtually no British cheeses now use animal rennet, they are veggie. It just then depends on your view of the dairy industry….
    Vote Kilbey.

  33. avatar
    Polydora | 2 August 2008 at 12:31 am #

    Uh this…

    “figure an angle in or out
    youre attached to greatness and you expand”

    sounds like summin’ sexual to me.

    Am I the only one?

  34. avatar
    Richard | 2 August 2008 at 2:06 am #

    John G

    you beat me to it

    how about


    the well focussed crusade

    still today (precursor to already yesterday)

    and (just so that I stamp this comment with the mark of true class)…

    of foreskins and heart (sorry)

  35. avatar
    steve kilbey | 2 August 2008 at 3:00 am #


  36. avatar
    Loran Vesk | 2 August 2008 at 8:47 am #

    hi steve and other psychedelism fans…

    please take a glance at:

    And thanks for the soundtrack of my life
    Take care

  37. avatar
    captain mission | 2 August 2008 at 8:41 pm #

    ha! great idea. I noticed that a lot of books have the titles of years in them these days, soon there will be a book for each year.

    i loved wicked to, great idea. strange that it’s now a musical broadway type show.

  38. avatar
    paul w | 2 August 2008 at 11:20 pm #

    “everyone loves the bible right?
    well….ok…i guess not …but still
    what happened in bethlehem before jesus arrived
    the 3 wise men…in their own words”

    Actually, along those lines there’s a great book by Christopher Moore called “Lamb”, which is the story of Jesus as told by his childhood friend Biff. It deals with the adolescent years missing from the Bible, and it is very funny – e.g. Jesus continually reviving small lizards after his little brother steps on them. Highly recommended.

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