posted on February 5, 2009 at 8:01 pm

so many levels
so many sobs
i weep for lemuria
i weep for atlantis
i weep for a little boy crushed by a truck
at the bottom of baines place in the sixties
i weep for a boy i saw once with no ears
i weep for myself because i’m old and washed up
i weep for you because of your isolation
i weep for the finders and the keepers
i weep for the ugly awkward ones who need love too
i weep for frustration and self loathing
i weep like a willow
i weep into my pillow
some melancholy that i follow
has left me feeling so hollow
so i weep for the sleep that will never come
and i weep for the people
i never met n will never know
who might have loved me as a friend
and been my solace in this 21st century
because i’m not at home here
i’m on the lamb in these days
trying to lay low
with occasional bursts of transcendent prose
kilbey is mad
was mad
ever mad…?
i dont think so therefore i’m not
madness has no glamour on me
ill-starred maybe i am
but still clean
still sharper than one micron
still unbowed before the wall of sludge they call fun
i hate fun as a concept a justifier
i dont make music for fun
i dont write this poisonous bilge for fun
i hope you have some fucken fun reading it
but i dunno about fun
i’m burning up with some terrible malady
my eyes can hear the future clearly now
is that a symptom of my fever?
right now
if you wanted
i could imagine something fantastic for you
or instantly write you a song
about how cool you verily are
my instruments are arraigned about me
the muses hover at my fingertips awaiting instruction
a wonder to myself
i pluck my loot
i bang on my base
i drum up some thing
i enter the studio
i fling violins at people
i murder the engine ear
with a conductors baton
i hammer the faders home
i turn red and i yell at the music that does not transcend
transcend what ? gasps my stupid laptop
transcend this fucking mundanity! kilbey shouts
i am an alien
i am on the wrong planet
i dont wanna waste my precious time being here
who am i? i screamed into the e-void
and answers came back
you are this
you are that
i love you
i hate you
i do not care about you…
i turned trembling
the doctors had shrugged
the lawyers shook their heads
the generals turned away
the actors were merely actors
the leaders all stood behind us
only the poet dares to go there
where where where?
(the clamouring voices)
there is where ecstasy and sorrow collide
in some contradiction
a poet will suspend you vibrating
to some new groovy truth and….
aw shucks
i’m giving away the trade secrets now
where was i
i weep for um… does cauliflower sound….?
….no no…uh..i weep for uh….concupiscence ….uh..
yeah …thats better…..oh look a glimpse into my brain…
oh…is that how he does it, dorothy?
guess so harry guess so
oh look no on a mat appear
oh no look theres a cute little allusion
oooh hes a clever olde bugger dorothy
ooh hes a bit of a treat to us olde deers
oooh dont know why he aint as rich as bohno hughson
oooh my daughter valerie went to school with him
what she say then
hes an arrogant SOB on every level!
whats a sob?
its a little cry or gasp
how many levels are there, dorothy?
many many many, harold, many many many
how strange life will be for kilbey i still be saying
poor olde steeve he never gets it , right…?
look its a new church album…..
whats that all about then?
i bet its got some nice new songs on it
songs about the time
songs about the distance
songs by the man in his mansuit
songs of hiding and pursuit
songs of gliding and gah-loots
songs about other songs
i sing the causal and astral bodies electriques
i sing a certain song you have been waiting for your whole lives
here dive in
there are many songs
many new songs
all songs are guaranteed to contain LOVE
all songs will last n last n last
all songs guaranteed to make you sob
all songs contain traces of music
all songs contain traces of ancient greece
all songs contain traces of arrogance
all songs contain traces of ….mystery
mmmmm mystery
mystery baby oh mystery
dont you love a lover a love a love a mystery
dont you just wanna loose n lose n loose yourself
in a good mystery
well my songs got it! he says triumphant
voice in next room says :jerk!
voice in another room : get on with it
mystery mystery
cant explain
musnt explain
am i mad? its a mystery
am i sad?
its a mystery
am i really so fucking bad?
its a…ha ha..yes …yessa ….mystery
what will ever make me glad?
its a mystery
government warning :
these songs will make you wish steve kilbey WAS the p.m.
government warning : kilbey is an icon
he needs considerable repair and reconstruction
or risk total isolation
cos if this man goes down
you will be all alone
a kilbEy less world
imagine that
youre on your own now
are you imagining it?
its bleak
its terrifying
but childe
please try
a world devoid of ME?
oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
(this blog is suddenly interrupted by a knocking)
mr kilbey?
mr kilbey?
its time to go on….
mr kilbey its time to fucking go on now sir
mr kilbey wake up youre having a bad life
mr kilbey the orchestra is waiting
mr kilbey the audience are patience (or patients?)
mr kilbey
you are an arrogant SOB on every level
and its been a pleasure to know you sir
good luck sir
bon voyage sir
over n out sir
into the ether
i commend my spirit
spirit come n take me now
spirit come n fill me now
wonder what the weather will be like today?

23 Responses to “arrogant sobs on every level”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 February 2009 at 9:42 pm #

    Please don’t author-rise my comment, Kilbey. No need to. I wish I could say something to you or do something to you but you know it’s only up to you, don’t you? This is terrifying because all we feel is loneliness and all we want to erase is loneliness. Imagine me, losing the best parents in the world when they were just 39. It all comes back to it, always. Especially when I need to finally bury them through getting my fuckinh heritage (hermit age), some of it stolen by very gentle people, some of it just abandoned for lack of sufficient money to pay this bloody corrupt government. But here I am, silently working in the woods to get it all done. Why am I telling you this? Lord knows why. Ah, I’m also studying to become a diplomat. Haha, true, it’s my true gift, I just woke up to it. It was so obvious because of my greatgrandfather, the Great RC that it went missing in my mess of poetry. Thought you’d like to know. Really, to become a diplomat is the only way I can tour the world without having to become a musician. Darling, I’d never bear to be a musician, you lot suffer even more than writers. But again, you said it all (without being all, is that what hurts you so bad?) and I weep for “only the poet dares to go there”. And I also weep for… concupiscence… because it is such a great word.
    Now, my beloved little soul, let me remind you in this rainy night that begins here beside the Atlantic Ocean and under the umbrella of one thousand screaming parrots: there is something better than mere understanding and it resides in that part of you which is not blah blah blah. And don’t be ridiculous, even if I thoroughly hate you sometimes, a world without you is, well, worldless.
    Just a reminder. And, please, arrogant sob, look around. I wish a nice weather to you.
    Au revoir.

  2. avatar
    Freddie | 5 February 2009 at 9:59 pm #

    No no no I don’t believe for ONE second
    that you’re actually an arrogant SOB on ANY level.
    I was making reference to the seven levels of arrogance discussion
    Yeah, I admit it was a crude thoughtless joke
    My bad; Freddie’s not perfect.
    I didn’t mean it seriously and never to hurt!
    Steve, you know that, surely you do.
    I apologize with every fiber of my being.
    I don’t know.
    How do I fix this?

  3. avatar
    princey | 5 February 2009 at 10:13 pm #

    Well, what kind of answers did you expect sk??????? It sounds like you’re in the shits with us all for somehow trying to answer you, or write something “nice” to you….you’re the biggest mystery I’ve ever come across.
    Try and have a good day (no fun tho),
    love Amanda

  4. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 5 February 2009 at 10:29 pm #

    You can talk about your 1970’s influences but you are a 1960’s idealistic flower child, a greenpeace vegan, a utopian, a madman who needs to live in peaceful zenland.

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 February 2009 at 12:58 am #

    I love you .xo

  6. avatar
    steve kilbey | 6 February 2009 at 2:16 am #

    its ok
    it was a premise to write a blog
    you are forgiven
    your execution is at 430 pm

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 February 2009 at 2:37 am #

    “i sing a certain song you have been waiting for your whole lives”

    That’s JUNE

    I will discontinue my donations to US PIRG (as it is not tax deductable) and instead forward them to you.
    (are you tax deductable?)

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 February 2009 at 6:43 am #

    Well Steve, its hard and admirable to be in your position. Its the Niche that your stuck in. We all need validation, as souls, and as people with emotions. You have it from me, and I am your friend. Ive seen you live, wish I could have met you and the gang. I love your music, your an amazing artist. Never stop creating and moving forward. Take it easy on yourself.
    Claude Burton
    Galveston TX

  9. avatar
    davem | 6 February 2009 at 7:22 am #

    A orld without Kilbey??

  10. avatar
    Celticat | 6 February 2009 at 8:05 am #

    Hi Steve,

    I read and it makes me think.

    That’s all.

    I’m not clever with the words and think mostly with that side of my brain that doesn’t deal with art or creation.

    I don’t believe in pissing in your pocket and prefer to tell it how it is.

    I enjoy reading your blog (every day). I’ve got no opinion about whether you’re rude or whatevers been written about you, I just like your music and words and art and relate to your influences.

    Though I don’t know you, I contribute because I feel connected to you (and yon friendss) through this blog.

    So if I write “I think you’re good” it’s cause I reckon you are.

    So there……


  11. avatar
    don joe | 6 February 2009 at 8:12 am #

    Harsh brutal. The reality of one’s surroundings. Dry and abrasive, great blog today Steve. Worth every penny. The way you interogate yourself and reason from that is what I see you do often. It brings about the most amazing free form whatever you wanna label it. “Wake up your having a bad life”…confronted with that right now, either return to the abyss or pull myself onto shore and harangue myself further towards what I percieve to be what I want…but is it? I seek no pity here. It is my lot inlife. I created it, and it was worse. Just glad I have something to bring solace each and every day….a Kilbeyless world? Tell you when I get there. I’d pay for another 54 years if it were to be…dunno if Steve likes that idea though. Would you? Do you?

    Flourish and Prosper

    don joe

  12. avatar
    EDD | 6 February 2009 at 9:40 am #

    I need love too!-the ugly akward one

  13. avatar
    iseult | 6 February 2009 at 10:24 am #

    wonderful soliloquy
    i could see you on the stage delivering that
    with a skull in one hand
    and a cauliflower in the other

  14. avatar
    Freddie | 6 February 2009 at 11:21 am #

    Firing squad? 4:30?
    Got a lil’ problem with that
    and I’m wily and I’m fast! 😉

  15. avatar
    catchow | 6 February 2009 at 11:48 am #

    a lot of Mystery…i wonder where you are,Steve…In what place,in
    what state of mind…you seem under torment and perplexity,but i
    say it again:you’re not old!
    54 is the prime of life and i can’t
    IMAGINE a world without S.KILBEY!

  16. avatar
    lily was here | 6 February 2009 at 11:54 am #

    Arrogant? No

    Silly Ol’ Buggar? Often 🙂


  17. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 6 February 2009 at 12:02 pm #

    “i weep for you because of your isolation”.

    Exactly. WE are isolated from the whole world, but you’re not, and you know it, Steve. You may not have the whole world in your hands, but people all over the world know who you are and love, admire and respect your impressive musical output. And in what way are you “washed up”? You may not be young, but the last 4-5 Church albums as well as your last 2 solo albums are among the very best work you’ve ever done, so…washed up?

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 February 2009 at 1:42 pm #

    G’night Love; sleep well.
    🙂 xox

  19. avatar
    seoigh | 6 February 2009 at 2:37 pm #

    For the vast majority of time it has been a Kilbey-less world, as it shall be again. Since this fact is an absolute certainty, there is no sense in rushing it. That would only cause further suffering.

    Self-loathing is the cleverest and most evil form of self-fascination. Self-loathing is the one manifestation of pride that doesn’t feel like pride at all. It’s a pride that even feels righteous. I deserve more!!! What is it, though, except an over-fascination with one’s self?

    Your prescription:

    Samahdi through music. I am of the personal belief that Shikantaza is possible through music. And being an arrogant prick myself, I am sure I am right about that.

    Haven’t you been in the moment when you’re in the middle of set and you find yourself completely lost in time? Where you’re completely mindless, drenched in sweat even though you haven’t exerted enough physical energy to cause it? Unaware of what notes you’re playing, the words you’re singing, the audience’s presence… and I don’t mean that space where you’re simply watching as a 3rd person (where you feel like you’re playing along with the song instead of playing it). Any trained musician gets there. I’m talking about beyond that. So far away that the 3rd person isn’t even watching.

    What is that if not Shikanataza?

    It’s hard to get to that place. It is, however, the only place in which that obnoxious little childe with no friends will ever find peace.

    A wise old grey bearded man once wrote something very important to the salvation of the world — the words “it’s not a religion, it’s just a technique.”

    You know these things. Use them. I know it’s hard. What’s your petty little excuse? “Aw, I don’t wanna… it’s hard! It’s too hot. I’m leaving Bondi and I don’t wanna. It would be easier with all of Paul Hewson’s cash.” Maybe it would be. Maybe it wouldn’t be. That’s not a reality for you.

    At this juncture, you have one reality to deal with:

    Your fortuitous arrangement of chemistry, DNA, experiences, etc., e.g. the sum total of your parts, is smart enough to understand the concepts.

    Do you know how many millions of people pray to get to that point? There’s an entire Pure Land sect devoted to it.

    Your fortuitous lifestyle gives you enough time to actually make it happen. Tell a diamond miner in Africa how hot it is — and about all the hassles you have to deal with.

    You’ve got everything you need.

    The only obstacle is you.

    And I should know, ’cause you see, I’m in the same boat.


  20. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 6 February 2009 at 4:33 pm #

    The Kllr as James Marshall Joyce. I know ’cause I’m five years ahead of my mind.

  21. avatar
    persephone2u | 6 February 2009 at 8:17 pm #

    You can’t shuffle off this mortal coil ’til you’ve attained a Siddhi…

  22. avatar
    Leelinau | 6 February 2009 at 9:05 pm #

    doood, you and MWP were in my dream this morning!

    Was intensely real. You signed my (sad) guitar and were smoking [stuff]. haha, was great to see you though 😉


  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 February 2009 at 6:18 pm #

    I love you. . . . . .xo

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