posted on December 12, 2008 at 10:07 pm

people complain n complain
this was this
that wasnt that
i wonder what really happened
people say i’m leaving……
leaving where?
there is nowhere here to leave
its just the words of an old n weary rocker
tattooed on the black sky
my little diary if you please
type type type
self obsessed twaddle
why read it?
why read it?
why read it?
what do you expect from kilbey?
this is all he gives
if kilbey didnt exist
a random word generator
programmed up on kilbeys vocabulary
could spit this stuff out
just like all them computer programmes
where they fed in the beatles
but i’m still waiting to hear the song that came out
aint it incredible
its 2008 n i write this stuff
and guys all round the world read it 2 seconds later
sitting here in hyper downtown virtual nth bondi
it rained hard all night
this morning is warm tentative n tender
this smorning hollow like the trojan horse
filled with some invasive future
thats gonna jump out n sack my city
king priam says we can get back in the game
but man
that helen is a hot number if you like spartans
yeah we all gonna die for some pretty ladies face
did you guys know that
aphrodite appeared in the thick of battle
to spirit paris out of the fray
diomedes saw her and stabbed her fucking wrist
he stabbed the goddess of loves wrist
i wonder how well he did with the ladies after that
i bet he could walk in a brothel covered in gold talents
and he still wouldnt get a root…
ah those were the days
i pray to the goddess saraswati
goddess of art and tempeh burgers
i pray like this :
oh most gorgeous goddess
please allow me to become
the most successful artist since
salvador muhammed dali…
i was in sauna the otherday
there was a woman in film industry
i say oh i’m watching such n such a series
she says: oh i could have done that better
oh yes
i could rewrite shakespeare so much better
i couldve written all that stuff by mozarthoven much better too
n all them beatle songs
yeah i could have
its all academic
its all fucking moot
anyone could do anything
you might write utmw again if you like
or do what i would have done
given other circumstances etc
me …i’m kilbey
i do what kilbey does n no other
i am the best n the worst
you know all that jive
go n look around
there aint no others out there
theres no comparison
theres no reason to get all excited
i just write whatever comes into my head
and a lotta stuff comes into my head
i got my feelers out
people come n go
thats ok
use what you want n leave the rest
the whales sang on my song
gee they made a mess of the studio
all those fuck-ing plankton dealers hanging abaht
the whale said killer
killer : whale…?
whale : ok before we start singing mister, know this
some of us get paid in krill
some of us in fish
we are not gonna sing unguarded dolphin
or use any japanese microphones
and er…no sperm whale jokes, ok?
but bloody polinski
he had dugongs n manatees
all of them cetaceans
crowded in a vocal booth
the right wales were so self righteous
the humpbacks parked in the disabled spot
the blue whales were kinda sad
the sperms all called moby dick (!!??)
the bottlenosed whatnots were all pissed
the big one with the horn…whats ‘e called again?
(someone somewhere else : a narwal)
he was doing the falsetto bits
just before the five hundredth drop of rain hits
i was down in some sea
dontcha see?
i was in the ocean
i was swimming along with my pod
i was big and cold and serene
and ya see
we were all singers
and we were all singing these beautiful songs
one off improvisations around a theme
how i loved my little she whale n my lil calf
how we sang n we dived n we listened
we listened to other whales far far away
their voices flowing thru the resonant etheric water
their songs mingling with other songs
once sung it goes on forever
we pick them up
amend them
bend them
make them an ode to bliss
or an elegy for a gone friend
and i’m steve kilbey inside a whale
yeah you know that story too
i was jonah
i still am
why cant i do what it seems i must do?
i dont even fucking know what it is
someone in next room :oh yeah you do
its 10 00
i would like to knight sir david r
and sir john t
arise good men n join me round the round table
guineverre is in a frisky mood
and i dont like to lance a lot
the key to the chastity belt doesnt fit
i already tried
the saxons are invading whales
the all sing n bear gifts from greeks
kilbey writes his diary
there is no right or wrong
i can appropriate jim morrison
or lindy morrison
or apollo the far-sighted
i can write whatever i like
thats how it all happened
thats why if the australian navy
sent a fucking torpedo right up the next whalers botty
well…i for one would cheer
one just doesnt kill whales anymore
theyre singers!!
i mean

35 Responses to “automatic writing”

  1. avatar
    seoigh | 12 December 2008 at 11:19 pm #

    You know, the Singing Whales would be a great name for this boy band idea I was thinking you could make a truckload o’ dough with…

    (there’s a Tom Jones or Charlotte Church joke in here somewhere, but alas it’s not revealing itself to me at the moment. oh well)

    Nicely put, Killer. Don’t let the bastards get you down. That’s maya’s job, after all — and the union has got rules as to who does wot.

  2. avatar
    princey | 12 December 2008 at 11:59 pm #

    Clicking the TTB link is one of THE highlights of my day, thanx for all the words sk, you’re the one and only 🙂
    Keep on bloggin’!
    love Amanda

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 12:15 am #

    that was just fucking great.
    the humpbacks………….
    but steve, you just don’t know me.
    ha ha ha ha.

    none of you know me.


  4. avatar
    Freddie | 13 December 2008 at 12:35 am #

    You got a license to say these things boy?!

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 1:15 am #

    Kilbeys site is just not the same without kat. Therefore, I am giving notice. I will quit reading your blog on Dec 26. Gives you two full weeks to make arrangements.

    Gordon the Gekko

  6. avatar
    Polydora | 13 December 2008 at 1:53 am #

    In fourth grade we saw this documentary about whalers. At the end I told my teacher, in front of the whole class, that in my next life I wanted to be a whale to balance the scales, even the score. In my mind I’d become a whale and take a harpoon for all the other whales. I didn’t know what karma was at the time, but I had some ingrained notion, much like my notion of reincarnation, which also wasn’t something ever mentioned in my family.

    Whales not only have their songs, but researchers have discovered that they innovate!!!!! They add notes and change the melodies around a bit. How lovely.

  7. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 13 December 2008 at 1:57 am #

    Accolades SK for revering whales and majestic marine species. By the way I prefer 31 other Church songs and 4 Painkiller songs more than UTMW. “Celestial” man !

    Peaceful and hapless manatees are being lacerated to death by reckless, moronic boaters in Florida. Too many Republicans in that unenlightened state.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 1:59 am #

    Cool!:-) 😀 xox

  9. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 13 December 2008 at 2:37 am #

    I love whales but for someone to say one time long ago that they are more intelligent than human beings is a total load of bollocks. I mean come on!!! Have you ever heard of a whale that’s written the equivalent of Under The Milky Way? or Othello? or Shakespeare? No you haven’t. Whales are fucking stupid. All they do is swim around and eat f-ing plankton and they call them intelligent. Can a whale blog? no. Do they deserve what the Japs are doing to them? No. But they’re not cleverer than humans. Vulnerable yes. At the mercy of some of us pathetic humans yes. But they could’t create the likes of “After Everything Now This” 🙂

  10. avatar
    steve kilbey | 13 December 2008 at 2:56 am #

    actually paul
    i co-wrote that song with a whale…

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 3:15 am #

    If I recorded UTMW I wouldn’t have put in that bagpipe solo, it interupts the flow too much for my liking. I would have modulated the chord structure ever so slightly at that point and introduced a solo guitar line that seemigly arced ever upwards, as if to heaven.

    If I had recorded that song it would have been better.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 3:40 am #

    I know what would have made utmw song one of the truly greats, more cowbells.

  13. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 13 December 2008 at 4:34 am #

    Dear Paul Lightfoot:

    Have you ever heard about whales being responsible for wars, ethnic genocides, global warming, deforestation, the massacre of marine and terrestrial ecosystems, tribal conflicts, pollution, slaughterhouses, abortions, trophy hunting, dogfights, cockfights, slavery and other myriad atrocities perpetrated by intelligent but morally impoverished humans who are the most deadly and pernicious species on the planet. Humans=The Fall Of God’s creation !

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 5:21 am #

    Dear Brien Comerford:

    Lighten the fuck up! Your holier than thou act is stale. If you read lightfoots post it was obviously tongue in cheek. If you hate humans so much why don’t you off yourself and that will be one less human for the world to worry about.

  15. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 13 December 2008 at 6:11 am #

    that film industry woman sounds like she’s got a broomstick up her ass, monsterous ego….my other half wants to go see that ‘australia’ movie with hughey and nic in it….anybody seen it? is it as big a turkey as i’ve heard it is?
    love always….

  16. avatar
    princey | 13 December 2008 at 6:23 am #

    Sk, I dont think Karin would appreciate that comment!!! teehee

  17. avatar
    fantasticandy | 13 December 2008 at 9:45 am #

    this nonny-mouse geezer must be at his compo all night and all day,
    just waiting to ‘push the buttons’.
    what an odd pastime……….

    much love to y’all……
    paul, brien, b. bon, amanda, veleska, polydora, queenie, et all.
    and of course katdog, dave, mark,
    ross…..oh……….there’s just too many of yer!

    see how it is…i forgot steve, and it is HIS show after all.
    so c’mon people simmer down.
    true love is unconditional after all no?
    if anyone IS wondering where iv’e been the last few days, iv’ been busy working on a big, sprawling double album set…and it’s bloody hard going!
    steve’s standards are a sort of ‘yardstick’ to me….there’s no rivalry here folks!
    peace ‘n all that,
    andy L.

    p.s. sue!!!!!!!!!!!!!…how could i forget you?
    or john or dutch pierre or……….

    p.p.s kat may be contraversial at times….but she’s never scared to put her name to her writings.
    you gotta admire that!

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 10:56 am #

    If you are ever in sheffield please say hello. By the way I am not strictly anon, sometimes I sign under my name TYLER, everyone should know that Tyler is the original Sheffield Wag. With these words I bid adeau

  19. avatar
    davem | 13 December 2008 at 11:21 am #

    I can’t imagine life without TTB. Three years of genius and the most amazing insight into the life of yon hero of mine.
    Hope the “white album” is coming on well Andy!
    Love to all.
    I have to say I’m rarely in sheffield Tyler (last time was 1996 at Brammall Lane and it was a bit moody!) but it would be nice at the next Church uk dates (hint hint sk) if us blighty TTBers could get together for a bite and a chin wag.

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 11:51 am #

    Thanks !


  21. avatar
    matthew | 13 December 2008 at 2:14 pm #

    Nicely said, fantasticandy!!

  22. avatar
    fantasticandy | 13 December 2008 at 3:02 pm #

    flippin’ eck!
    matt ‘n i are great myspace mates,
    always looking out for each others stuff…..
    see what i mean about name lists?
    you can do worse then check matt’s site out………
    sorta church meets xtc, nice!
    the man’s too modest to plug himself, so………

  23. avatar
    veleska1970 | 13 December 2008 at 3:02 pm #

    the time being is the very first thing i click on to read whenever i log on. thanks for keeping it going, steve. it’s always the highlight of my day.

    lotza love…..

  24. avatar
    restaurant mark | 13 December 2008 at 3:47 pm #

    “i just write whatever comes into my head
    and a lotta stuff comes into my head”

    and thank you for that steve…haven’t had a lot of posting comment time lately, but i try to never miss my reading…one of my favorite things in the day. the time being and a cup of coffee…great way to start a morning.
    they may just be words and more words…but they’re good ones. they’ve inspired me…made me think, feel and laugh…what more could you ask for?
    thank you professor kilbey

    take care everyone

    ps-to all those i’ve promised cd’s…they’re coming soon

  25. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 13 December 2008 at 4:32 pm #

    Thanks anon for appreciating my SOH. No offence Brien, but you have to learn to laugh a bit more mate. The earth is abound with evil murderous human f-ers that don’t give a fuck about people’s lives. There’s those that do value human life, but not a whale’s. There’s war and evil abound, but there’s sod all you can or any of us can do about it. Breathe a little, enjoy this blog, have a laugh. You sitting there on your PC and making a point ain’t gonna change anything I’m afraid, except maybe nudge TTB. I will rephrase it just for you BC. Whales arn’t more talented than human beings. Even the cleverest whale couldn’t do the lead break on “Life Speeds Up”. I guess though if you could sample the whale’s howl that it makes after the big water spurt when it comes to the surface, and loop it in the studio, you could use it at the beginning of “Laughing” instead of an E=Bow.

  26. avatar
    Mr. Argent | 13 December 2008 at 4:40 pm #

    “the whale said killer
    killer : whale…?”

    This one required a thorough, ten-minute cleaning of the desktop and monitor!

  27. avatar
    Polydora | 13 December 2008 at 4:44 pm #

    “i co-wrote that song with a whale…”

    bloody brilliant.

  28. avatar
    davem | 13 December 2008 at 7:00 pm #

    Polydora…that made me howl too!!

  29. avatar
    eek | 13 December 2008 at 8:11 pm #

    what do you expect from kilbey?

    I could have sworn when you first started this blog that you promised us all cake. I have been waiting patiently for over three years, but thus far I have received no cake. Now I can’t find any mention of the cake offer — I’ve looked everywhere — but I know it was here. I’m beginning to think you may have snookered me about the cake. 🙁

  30. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 13 December 2008 at 8:32 pm #

    Paul Lightfoot is a whale of a guy and I mean that in a very nice way.

    I’m one of those animal rights timebombs like Chrissie Hynde (but without her talent or thin waistline).

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 December 2008 at 8:40 pm #


  32. avatar
    steve kilbey | 13 December 2008 at 9:54 pm #

    a joke
    the 2 klepto brothers
    nick n rob steele
    made the doodles laff

  33. avatar
    lily was here | 14 December 2008 at 1:18 am #

    Ha! Were the whales allowed to ride in your car Kriller?

    SK, Amanda Brown’s performance on Rockwiz both solo and with Augie March’s singer. Hope u saw it


    ps ah Andy, i cant find any spare time these days. Love to all the people who are thrilling me.

  34. avatar
    Jasperina | 14 December 2008 at 1:29 am #

    the weary rocker tattooing his name across the black sky…you words have an everlasting imprint on the universe…

  35. avatar
    lily was here | 14 December 2008 at 2:30 am #

    ditto Jasperina

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