posted on July 6, 2007 at 8:11 am

the map of love
where does it lead
indeed
the killer trudging down this lonely hard road
the rocks and the gravel cry out to him
as he walks over them
the deep earth ignores him
the sky turns black as night falls down
cars whizz by out there
as it starts to rain
a light drizzle
he sees his breath as steam
he sees the halo around the moon
somehow he has his ipod on
listening to the ruff mixes of his solo album
the one he made that time
before….
before what….?
before things changed
did he lose his mind?
has he got amnesia?
is there an identical twin impersonating him n wreaking havoc?
is this a dream?
is this an out of body experience?
is this the stoned ramblings of an old hippy?
is this anything at all?
will there be a happy ending?
he doesnt know yet
he thinks all of the above
above all
above it all
anyway
hes in this interval here
here
he is
a motel
hes checking into this motel
just another guy on the lost highway
this motel on the edge of which town where
this kinda rundown seen better days hotel/motel
maybe its an inn
or a motor inn
or a motor lodge he thinks…
reception
the sign says reception
a young girl working there
no two young girls
ha
well heres yer identical twins
dont all mystery stories have identical twins?
goodevening said one
we’re closed said the other
would you like a room? said one
no vacancy said the other
for one night? said one
or forever said the other
does it have hbo he asked
yes said one
no said the other
they both said
we have a great selection of videos
may we recommend
a new bergman film
called
bardo
oh whos in it ? he asked
oh this actor
you probably havent heard of him
they said
namen turner
oh but i know him he said
good they said
hes playing you
in this film
about your life
first the book said one
now the film said the other
but what about my room he said
dont you want to see the film …its on now said one
its the bit where you come good in the end said the other
can i watch it in my room? he said
do you have a credit card? said one
we only take cash said the other
no we saw in the film how he lost his credit card in rangoon
ha ha yes
outside the ambassador hotel
during the coup
during the nineties
during the arista period
when you had the hit
and the problem
and all that excitement
and all that tedium
all that money
all those taxes
all those fans
all those enemies
wow!
does turner even look like me in this film ?he asked
not really they said
much younger and hansomer
much taller and slimmer
much more …believable they both said
how can he be more believable than me? he asked
oh yes he is said one
i believed it more said the other
well who sings? he asked
oh namen turner sings
a voice like a lark
what? he sings my songs? he asked
they let him rewrite most of the words
there much better now
for a modern audience
for the i-gen
they changed some bits too they said
youre born in england now
you play the organ
you got 5 sisters
and 2 sons
its very strange
its quite straight forward too
it got some good reviews
it got some stinkers as well
they didnt deal with the drug stuff too well
very realistic though i thought
they changed the drug to crack or something
more relevent to todays kids
hang on hang on! he said
now im confused….
are any of the bits like me at all? he asked
oh all of it said one
oh none of it said the other
anyway
heres the key
to the last room
at the which town where motor lodge
its room 1313
on the thirteenth floor
but press 12a on the elevator
i picked up my guitar and suitcase
i mean
he picked up his guitar and suitcase
and ascended in the lift creakily
up up up
he got outta the lift
and staggered down the hall
tired and wasted after another gig somewhere
turn the key
lay on the bed
its goodnight

tbc

*

60 Responses to “bardo”

  1. avatar
    steve kilbey | 6 July 2007 at 9:26 am #

    please dispose of your comment thoughtfully

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 9:49 am #

    well …howd ya be if tarantino did the movie…and anthony hopkins was you?….hope they do strawberry daquiris at the bar downstairs..a halo of calm around ze moooon…thanks,havent seen that for a million years …love,as always genx xxxxxxx

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 10:16 am #

    You love that room 1313 don’t you!!? Just as it was getting good, that dreaded “tbc” appears, oh well, til tomorrow.
    Love and the rest,
    Amanda
    P.S. I’m starting to miss the old sk blog again, I know it’s only been a few days, but…..!!

  4. avatar
    adrift | 6 July 2007 at 10:21 am #

    wow. quite a sense of displacement you got there…

    i guess you know all about my main recurrent feeling, that my life is being lived by someone else – and they’re doing it better than me.

    usually it kick-starts me into something, some new project or trip or whatever.. takes a few days to get over, though. i know this feeling. and the feeling that everything will be better when you wake… hmmm.

    listening to an sk solo gig at the mo – borderline london july 2000. brilliant. joined onstage at times by one mr willson-piper and one yebbe the sax man. fab gig – brilliant night, with some damn good weed i seem to recall..

    keep pushing through it friend – its hell while it lasts, but it does pass…

    jane xx

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 10:34 am #

    genx
    B.Bon
    Debby, James & Darien
    .cstcoach
    veleska1970
    Cee
    andyL
    davem
    Celticat
    jj
    eek
    …if i ever meet you guys i’ll give you a big hug…thanks so much for your kindness and warm words…you’re good people…
    love always…
    -The Hellbound Heart

  6. avatar
    fantasticandy | 6 July 2007 at 11:04 am #

    HH!
    i actually did see a shooting star last night!
    9:35pm
    east-west.
    brief…. but brilliant.
    luv,
    andy L.

  7. avatar
    JUNIOR PAINKILLER | 6 July 2007 at 11:14 am #

    me Nev Inn sounds cool…
    Jon Jon

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 11:47 am #

    Micelle, Collaroy Beach, 1990.
    I never forgot.

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 12:03 pm #

    andy L,
    you are so kind!
    and so fimiliar to me…

    really touched by your today’s words.

    wish you a good night and a wonderful weekend!

    Lian

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 12:51 pm #

    The Disillusionist?

  11. avatar
    veleska1970 | 6 July 2007 at 1:37 pm #

    this one today was definitely a “my life is not my own” story. i feel like that a lot. sometimes i feel like i’m living somebody else’s life, or vice-versa: they’re living mine.

    have a good weekend, steve, everybody.

    lotza love…./.

  12. avatar
    veleska1970 | 6 July 2007 at 1:38 pm #

    to HH: hugs back. i would have done what andyL did last night, if i could, but we’ve had constant rain for weeks, so no stars. 🙁

  13. avatar
    dumb-ass | 6 July 2007 at 1:39 pm #

    Is any of this about Heyday…?!

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 1:40 pm #

    No. illusionist.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 1:58 pm #

    getting a bit david lynch

  16. avatar
    Cee | 6 July 2007 at 3:22 pm #

    cars whizz by out there
    as it starts to rain
    a light drizzle
    he sees his breath as steam
    he sees the halo around the moon

    los coches pasan a gran velocidad
    comienza a llover
    ligeramente
    mira a su aliento como vapor
    ve a la luna con una aureola

  17. avatar
    Cee | 6 July 2007 at 3:24 pm #

    HH:
    I feel your hugs from here, darlin’.
    Shooting stars and brilliance for you always.
    Cee
    xo

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 3:44 pm #

    more like nic roeg’s “Performance” – (memo from turner?)

    Do lifts in the USA really have 12a instead of 13?

    Kittykatxx

  19. avatar
    MEM | 6 July 2007 at 4:02 pm #


    thought, or thoughtlessly?
    divine will or pain
    or painlessly?
    love or sorrow or meaningfulessly?
    more but not less
    but lesslikely?
    a fool, yes but not less foolheartedly?
    resembling a likeness but less
    unlikely that it is me,
    the rest of this mess
    is empty and waiting to see

  20. avatar
    matthew | 6 July 2007 at 4:05 pm #

    bloody marvellous, I’m digging this so much… an alternate reality-check – well done old sport.

  21. avatar
    matthew | 6 July 2007 at 4:14 pm #

    and sycophants on elephants come, ghostly, bearing frankincense

  22. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 6 July 2007 at 7:28 pm #

    moses,.. dont you touch that dial..

  23. avatar
    Cee | 6 July 2007 at 7:30 pm #

    In SF there is no 13th avenue
    In SF there is no 13th street

    I used to work on the 37th floor, can’t for the life of me remember if there was a 13th floor.

  24. avatar
    knot | 6 July 2007 at 8:20 pm #

    i agree, cee
    closest you will come would be duboce
    where oddly enough i spend quite a bit of time
    loosely
    in a spendthrift manner

    does one eat candy in the motel, steve?

    http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&Mytoken=2EDE302D-FE27-479F-8675AC2067F2E84C68913960

  25. avatar
    verdelay | 6 July 2007 at 8:36 pm #

    This all sounds like a Harry Flowers song to me…

  26. avatar
    CSTCoach | 6 July 2007 at 9:28 pm #

    interesting… the story turns in upon itself… images refracted in images… like walking through a shattered funhouse of jagged reflections… all the threads of one’s past, all the “might have beens” have become entangled, it seems…

    ryan

  27. avatar
    kat | 6 July 2007 at 9:56 pm #

    tired.. but awesome indeed!

    gonna try to hit a columbus highway tomorrow with a friend for her b-day, somehow,

    happy weekend fiends.

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 9:58 pm #

    Today’s blog I must say sir, is truely extraordinary…I think it’s your best ever. Love the humor, the mirror of the twins and like reflections. I’m baffled. I think the new you becomes thee even more than thee previous

    That’s quite great for a muse.

    I had this male muse in the distant past (before we met)…he was into dealing the dope: he used to do all the naturals, then made tubs full of crack. He spent some years in the pen and that’s when I stopped talking to him.

    You’re right, you’re nowhere like those addicts, nor will you ever be. I fully respect you and your descision to be clean….you’ve done some deep thinking and came out much better for it. Love the improvement.

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2007 at 10:40 pm #

    “Thank you,and Good night!That was our only reservation!”added the timid twin.

  30. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 6 July 2007 at 11:10 pm #

    Plaudits for The Church’s upcoming anthology scheduled to be released in 2008. David Fricke, the most erudite and respected music critic in the United States, will be writing the liner notes. He reveres the Church and that verifies their merit as a paramount group. Their priceless shimmering sound and Steve’s dreamy, detached and vintage vocals. There are serious grounds for optimism that The Church will still reach their warranted universal acclaim. The glass is more than half-filled-finally !

  31. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 6 July 2007 at 11:14 pm #

    The Church Anthology is being released on July 28, 2007. Brien Comerford is so fucken dumb ! He can’t even impart good news in an accurate manner. What a loser!!!!!!

  32. avatar
    davem | 6 July 2007 at 11:45 pm #

    Kilbs.
    I hope you know how much I love you.
    I’m so off my face I can’t possibly read yer blogge. First time in 12 months. But…it’s important enough to me that I clock in anyway!!
    And now I’m going to lay down. or fallover.

  33. avatar
    davem | 7 July 2007 at 12:03 am #

    HH…you’re welcome.
    The world’s getting smaller…so I’ll hold you to that hug someday soon.
    It’s so small that me….little me… can get some kind of connection with Steve effing Kilbey. Sometimes mr esskay methinks you can’t appreciate quite how much that means. You are MY hero. Not Lennon/Dylan/Morrison/Hendrix/Bono/Richards/Strummer…..it’s you.
    Thanks for all the effort you put into connecting with us. It means everything. Truly.
    Goodnight.

    xx

  34. avatar
    steve kilbey | 7 July 2007 at 12:27 am #

    davem
    i truly appreciate your kind words
    god bless you
    sk

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 12:59 am #

    i dont need a hero,and i dont need a soldier.i did when i was younger,but now that i am older….i dont need a father.i dont wanna be your mother.its just that any one of us is half of them….the other one is you…..cyberwench ox

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 1:41 am #

    love is la luna

  37. avatar
    NickF | 7 July 2007 at 2:26 am #

    hi sk!

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 3:12 am #

    h.heart…anytime ya need me/us…a hug is waiting!….love,genx xxxxx

  39. avatar
    this is not me, this is here now | 7 July 2007 at 3:22 am #

    the map of loneliness
    lingers on, the sins of forgetfulness
    carry on their sorrwful
    burden of not knowing
    which is which or
    which side one belongs

    no tear can ever repay
    no heart can ever reimagine
    what once was the spectical
    of life

    life everlasting, life here and now,
    the mind, imagination, the sound
    of the universe turning through
    blackness, darkness,

    you help me when
    i cannot see

  40. avatar
    there is no way, i didn't see all that (the post) that came before these are my words i need to say | 7 July 2007 at 3:26 am #

    when i cannot be
    all that is

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 3:58 am #

    i love you too sk. just seeing you walk with your little ones in 2004 in little five points, atlanta. what a beautiful thing. did you really buy incense and wash the stage before performing.

    rmch

  42. avatar
    JJ | 7 July 2007 at 4:11 am #

    The motel of lost companions waits with heated pool and bar…..down the timeless gorge of changes, where sleeplessness awaits, they were lost in rock formations, or became park bench mutations;;;

    I like the lost highway metaphor, TB. i often feel as if I’ve checked into the desolate roadside motel on this road. This series of stories has made for excellent and thought=provoking reading. Disturbing as well. That is how it is.

    Note of trivia – David Lynch is a Donovan fan, and he’s playing at his yearly Iowa weekend gathering. Interesting…

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 5:33 am #

    I love you too sk.
    Love Amanda

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 5:52 am #

    May this Time and Space embrace you soon…and feel you glow,with the gentle moon…

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 8:03 am #

    was going to dive in anyway…i believe/d ….its more than worth its weight in gold plated ruby encrusted,plutonion,antique,orgasnic truffles,that have been collected by carousel horses,on a blue moonlit afternoon. ……..ox headlights!

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 8:42 am #

    whilst we are on the “lovin ya SK”subject…..i want to tell you,that….there have been some pretty scarey and nasty “all out to sea,and way too far out to see land”times in my life….and one thing that has always pacified me…i suppose you could guess this one…twas your voice…thank you for being born…and for living….love as always genx xxxxxxxxxx

  47. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 9:36 am #

    it’s getting late killer…..
    (tapping fingers on the table)

  48. avatar
    davem | 7 July 2007 at 9:55 am #

    It’s early here Killer.
    What a star you are. True stars have class & you have it in abundance. Everything you touch is brilliant. Just had BY on. Absolute genius. Happy Saturday morning in blighty!
    Lots of love,

    davem
    xx

  49. avatar
    sharka | 7 July 2007 at 10:15 am #

    beautiful piece.

  50. avatar
    Leelinau | 7 July 2007 at 2:29 pm #

    lovin this ride

    *waves from the backseat

    L&L

    ^_^

  51. avatar
    restaurant mark | 7 July 2007 at 3:39 pm #

    steve…just brilliant today! i’m blown away daily by your imagination and writing. thanks so much for the time you spend every day giving us this. my mornings wouldn’t be the same without it.
    take care everyone

  52. avatar
    Krissythegroupie | 7 July 2007 at 6:07 pm #

    Niiice..went on vacay and came back and all is well.

  53. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 6:23 pm #

    How touching! I see the double standard lives on…and on..and on…ad nauseam….Really…think about it…come on, deeper and deeper…oh well, Nevermind…~*~D

  54. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 7 July 2007 at 7:52 pm #

    SK is right, Davem is the real deal. He was kind enought to write to me when I first got on board this mystery ride. Reading today’s blog while listening to “Song to Go” is at once haunting and wonderful.

    Good luck to Al Gore and all the climate change performers and participants ! Global Warming Is REAL SCARY !

  55. avatar
    Leelinau | 7 July 2007 at 8:10 pm #

    ‘better be home soon’

    -_^

  56. avatar
    knot | 7 July 2007 at 9:05 pm #

    Steve
    you must be resting today
    no worries
    even the bard of the electronic magnetic radiotopic ectoplasmical
    such as yerself
    gets to drink his soy date banana
    and not fuss with the keyboard
    and the word junkies.

    although
    I have run out of books
    the blog is quiet
    the apple is eaten

  57. avatar
    verdelay | 7 July 2007 at 9:24 pm #

    Does anyone remember 1313 Mockingbird Lane?

    What about the Aloha Pussycats?

    Ahh, forget it…

    v

  58. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 11:07 pm #

    verdelay…..I remember the aloha pussycats…they were pretty damn good huh!?….love,genx xxx

  59. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2007 at 11:26 pm #

    verdelay!….do you by any chance,remember….The Hollowmen,or Bel jar,Roddy radar,or the Moffs….I was always a big “Died Pretty”{especially live}kinda girl….love,genx x

  60. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 July 2007 at 1:53 am #

    GenX,

    I know them all….we must be the same age.

    B.Bon


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