posted on July 4, 2011 at 11:51 pm

bib lick all pro poor shun

i’m bib pectin and i take no prisoners

well i wouldnt would i seeing im a pop singer

im a good pop singer too not rubbish like they got nowadays

i learnt to sing at the NSW conservatory of rock

i majored in hand gestures and romantic ballad lite

i had the hit when i re-did the anthem made it sexier

bib pectin is my stage name

my real name is tid memo

tidney fitzwilliam memo-bing to be exact

obviously that is not very sexy

so me and my manager came up with bib pectin

crikey it drives the ladies crazy its numerology isnt it

tid memo got as much feng shui as nothing

but bib pectin is dripping with good luck from its vowels

just try dropping it in a conversation with a lady you like

just drop in a little bib or pectin and see what happens

if you wanna be more sexy that is

bib pectin is the way to go

to me sexiness is an art just like golf is an art

just like romantic ballad lite is an art

you know some are born sexy and some have sexy thrust upon them

i guess im all of the above ha ha no pun intended

i take the ladies to say a cricket match

a little red wine a little goose liver pate

im quite dashing in my special box

the bib pectin stand for members only

a few beers a few wines

my aftershave a special eau-de-pectin whiff

my cravat with its kama sutra motif

my gold chain against my hairy chest

im quite the sight for the sore eyes of my fans

the BPASALG

bib pectin appreciation society aux ladies guild

see my secretary for details of joining

or email iwantmorepectin@bib.org

get my free pamphlet on sexiness for everybody

because a sexy pectin world is a better place for everybody

if you could use more sexiness in your life this could be for you

sexiness is coming to you soon

sexiness for just 20 minutes a day and under 38 dollars a week

sexiness you can feel and depend upon

sexiness the bib pectin way natural and with extra marlyebone  jelly

sexiness people will want to touch and breathe and hold onto

sexiness in an instant

but thats just a part of what i do

i’m so much more than just plain old sexy

if youre intrigued check out my site

theres something there for everyone really

enough bib to go around…ladies stop fighting please

im bib pectin

i know what you need…..

 

44 Responses to “bib pectin drops in”

  1. avatar
    aisatsu | 5 July 2011 at 12:10 am #

    SCORE first read of the morning. I SO wanted to start Monday with this sort of mood. Thank you.

  2. avatar
    eekie | 5 July 2011 at 12:20 am #

    You should do one of those tv infomercials for The Bib Pectin Package. I just know it would be a huge hit!

    (innuendo definitely intended!)

  3. avatar
    Boriah | 5 July 2011 at 5:22 am #

    I cry wolf, given mouth to mouth…

    I´m gonna hunt you like an animal.

    • avatar
      Mar-riah | 6 July 2011 at 1:15 pm #

      Oh yeah? Well, imma a animal n imma gonna hunt you like a human.

      • avatar
        Boriah | 8 July 2011 at 5:05 pm #

        Happy hunting ground then!!!

  4. avatar
    Lara | 5 July 2011 at 6:34 am #

    Eau de pectin. 🙂 Must smell like a mix of Aqua Velva and Foster’s. Classy.

  5. avatar
    andy | 5 July 2011 at 8:47 am #

    even when you write total tosh it’s superb.

  6. avatar
    captain mission | 5 July 2011 at 11:03 am #

    hilarious, i do need some assistance with my sex appeal, mmm, maybe captain pectin may be the way to go. i’ll try it out today.

  7. avatar
    miz astronime stalker | 5 July 2011 at 11:31 am #

    Oooh Bib, I usually gaze at the night sky trough my telescope but lately I just keep it aimed up at your penthouse. The way you stand there gazing out through all that glass over the dazzling beauty of the city dressed in night. You, clad only in your black undies drives me…mmm…yeah, that’s your kingdom baby. It’s all yours.

    This calls for some champaign.

    • avatar
      Mar-riah | 6 July 2011 at 1:18 pm #

      miz astronime, why do i get da feelin you’re aiming your telescope at more than just the penthouse…….hmm?….

      *cork!!!*

      • avatar
        miz astronime | 8 July 2011 at 12:10 pm #

        Shhhh, you’re messing with my concentration. This is a delicate instrument, just a little to the left. Damn!!! Who’s that bitch up there with him!

  8. avatar
    Ess | 5 July 2011 at 1:13 pm #

    I think Bib might like my friend Nibby Nectarine. I’ll tell her to drop in here and introduce herself but it might not be for a while – to be honest she can be a bit of a pain in the arse sometimes and once I tell her about Bib she will be drooling like a sewerage leak all over the carpet. So I will need to be in the right head space to deal with her. I think Bib might enjoy some of her techniques though. She goes on about the time she spent in Thailand and she’s got some very special goose liver pate recipes she brought back with her. And her eau-de-nectarine makes men roll back their eyes and howl at the night sky – you really have to see it to believe it, I’ve never seen anything like it before…

    • avatar
      Nibby N. | 6 July 2011 at 1:25 pm #

      hmm.. Bib sounds like a throw-back-to-the-70’s type-o-guy.. my eau-de-nectarine “might” be too, how shall I say?, sophisticated for him? hmm.. then again.. if Bib is a throw-back-to-the-70’s who’s a throw-back-to-the-middle-centuries type-o-man, then that juuuuuust “might” do the trick… ;)… hmmm so many fantasies so little time 😉

      -Nibs

      • avatar
        Ess | 6 July 2011 at 4:21 pm #

        imposter! You sound spookily like Nibby (step sister perhaps?) but she’s not quite ready to unleash herself on Bib just yet. I have told her about him but she’s a little bit overexcited and needs some time to calm herself before she speaks. And I’m a bit too distracted to help her through it all right now… In the meantime Pip Nectar (a distant relative of Nibby) might be really into Bib. She’s 48 and she’s been saving herself for the right man. I don’t think she’s ever met anyone like Bib before and he might just be the kind of guy she’s been saving her precious jewel for (as she calls it). But perhaps he likes them much younger?

  9. avatar
    Karen | 5 July 2011 at 4:48 pm #

    marleybone jelly? kama sutra mofit ? haha
    I can feel the sleaziness oozing from the page gold chains & hairy chests and hand movements do not sexy make or make sexy..
    still *Iwantmorepectin tis amusing

  10. avatar
    hellbound heart | 5 July 2011 at 8:56 pm #

    I can smell the sweaty male pheromones OOOOZING out of this….feel in the mood for a bit of Tom Jones,ay
    love always……..

  11. avatar
    . | 5 July 2011 at 10:31 pm #

    i saw bib on the cover of People
    overseeing the construction of his own temple
    prime real estate in the hollow of the earth
    ivory white marble, gold and silver leaf fixtures
    go there and you’ll experience total rebirth

  12. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 6 July 2011 at 12:16 am #

    Mr. Pectin-
    I have ordered your self-help products and I am waiting anxiously for results. What I still do not understand is that when the materials arrived here in the states and with added excitement I ripped open the packaging as a child on Christmas morning only to find a jar of Petroleum Jelly , an old National Geographic magazine from the 70’s with the fascinating women from Burma on the cover a little bottle of blue pills… FUCKING- THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    LONG LIVE MR. PECTIN !!!

    AsAlways,
    Darrin K.

  13. avatar
    Cocoamo | 6 July 2011 at 1:06 am #

    Hee hee.

    Know a guy like that in Florida, gold chains in the chest hair and all. He’s a retired CIA agent (they still call him to fly off to some exotic locale when they can’t do without him). You can always tell when he’s been on the elevator–it reeks of cologne for at least an hour. Eats at an upscale restuarant for lunch each day where he regales his companions with tales of heroic acts (main course: alcohol). He insisted on showing us his vacation pictures from the nude beach in St. Martin – honker hanging out and all, watching our eyes to see if we were suitably impressed. Ol Bib is not that much of a stretch.

    Your Friend in Pennsylvania

  14. avatar
    plumlady | 6 July 2011 at 7:58 am #

    Oh Bib, I won’t have sex with you until you take off that gold neckchain and cover up your hairy chest….

  15. avatar
    . | 6 July 2011 at 10:51 am #

    browsing through an indoor flea market just outside of baton rouge
    the same ‘ol same ‘ol, nothing but junk and a bunch of old tools
    the smell of sweat and mold permeates the summer air, a cool
    current blows towards me from an oscillating fan atop an old stool
    i’m getting ready to leave until i notice something from across the room
    i walk towards a bamboo table and there in front of me, in clear view
    why, it’s a genuine velvet bib pectin, framed, for sale, and ready for use
    i’ll be the envy of my entire family when they see it at the next reunion
    he’ll sure look good beside elvis and frank when i hang it in the morning

    • avatar
      david | 6 July 2011 at 11:18 pm #

      ill trade you two Spanish Galleons and one large J.F.K for the Pectin…whattya say…( im hopin i dont have to part with a Bob Ross..but it is ,after everything ,a Pectin!

      • avatar
        . | 7 July 2011 at 3:26 am #

        done!

      • avatar
        . | 7 July 2011 at 3:40 am #

        however, i’ll never part with the pectin/hefner standing in front of the playboy mansion velvet panoramic that i picked up last winter.

        • avatar
          david | 8 July 2011 at 1:33 am #

          …youre telling me theres a Hefner/Pectin out there ..

  16. avatar
    Muse | 6 July 2011 at 1:12 pm #

    *giggling profusely*

    😀 😀 😀

  17. avatar
    Starflower | 6 July 2011 at 5:58 pm #

    Haha, you are a consummate actor, having practiced most of your life, shape-shifting, that enables you to transcend your personality by stepping into the body and life of another. It is a key to the practice of enlightenment.

    ‘Who are You?’ crooned the Caterpillar
    Alice replied rather shyly,
    “I – I hardly know, Sir, just at present.
    I know who I was when I got up this morning,
    but I think I must have changed several times since then.”
    – Lewis Carroll

    Love Starly X

  18. avatar
    Richard | 6 July 2011 at 7:27 pm #

    who’s he going for in the footy?

  19. avatar
    veleska1970 | 6 July 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    move over, steve kilbey~~the pectin is in da house!!

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2011 at 11:14 am #

    had a date with him once – he is the answer to the question: why do you meet your date at the restaurant? (…excuse me, I need to use the ladies’ room, I’ll be right back… taxi!)

  21. avatar
    ASSMIDGET | 7 July 2011 at 1:19 pm #

    Ty Steve, Glad to someone else thinks my porn collection is art

  22. avatar
    ASSMIDGET | 7 July 2011 at 1:19 pm #

    know

  23. avatar
    blue sidhe | 8 July 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    like a ghost…

  24. avatar
    Ess | 8 July 2011 at 4:41 pm #

    a nervous tic keeps bringing me back here
    (or sometimes i click the wrong link)
    click. anyone home? anything new?
    no? i’ll try next door
    click. hello? any wordy distractions?
    stop procrastinating
    stop worrying about today’s written revealing
    write

    • avatar
      SSe | 9 July 2011 at 1:03 pm #

      ummppff! get outta muh head!

      • avatar
        Ess | 10 July 2011 at 10:37 am #

        I think you’ll find it’s just you in there.

  25. avatar
    Linjo | 9 July 2011 at 6:21 pm #

    Thats very funny Steve! Some are born sexy and some have sexy thrust upon them! I have a school reunion coming up soon, 30 years omg!The ‘sexy’ boys are now fat and bald, ewk! Sexy can prevail over bald heads but not over fat bodies. Fat is the most unsexy thing. I look at fat people and just think that they are taking too much of the earth’s resources. I don’t have sympathy for fat people. Sexy is intelligence, open minds, but then I was going to add ‘compassion’ but I suppose my biased opinions of fat people wouldn’t gel with that. xxx

  26. avatar
    Lara | 9 July 2011 at 11:08 pm #

    Oh, Tidney–off with you. Bring Mr. Kilbey back from Tasmania.

  27. avatar
    Ess | 10 July 2011 at 11:15 am #

    (obviously not about Bib or to be read by those whose aim is to maim – just something about a difficult week that doesn’t seem to have ended)

    my words lay in wait, that was all they had to do
    but the fire failed to spark and the ambush was fast
    and the mumbles became a rumble in the least humble of underground jungles
    wrangling with the offshoots, clogging chained commands
    my babylonian weeping stalked by antarctic lichen
    my peaceful evolution now a simian revolution
    oh god how suddenly ablaze when words wait out their turn
    when i navigate the unspoken and serve toast with familial grain
    why can’t i just write romance? or soft soapy sagas that fizzle in their dazzle?
    or witty inspirations so I can feel the remuneration?
    but i have no fire for small conversation, no taste for hello or goodbye
    just the connection, the words weaving ever dancing to the meaning
    my experiences not possessions
    oh no they pine for the pained and rally for release, a redemption for every future
    as they lower me into whispering wells long forsaken by the thirsty
    a rigid hulled internment
    heaving to and fro under ruptured soliloquy
    where for art thou romeo now a fourth wall echo
    no longer imagined
    turning on a wheel bearing seized of its time
    a feline fills a cage with convulsed breathless pacing
    her pride just out of frame
    a parody of a lion crawls on reels of backlit tracing
    a mane of withered thyme
    the watchman loses sleep as he feeds the impatient hungry
    the guardians lulled to slumber by miscreant skullduggery
    then a tiny crack
    a silhouette
    who are you, what do you want with her, the guardians cry in chorus
    identify yourself or leave our sight forever
    the culprit has no answer and vanishes with its caper
    just a thug without endowment feeding off estrangement
    you must remember to call us, you must remember our names
    or all will fade in unkempt clover, over and again
    and then the words became just another verse in a story of revelations
    as they went in to their place and went out with the day’s waste
    remember that the tyrant is without a godly name
    and while the fire stays alight the angels protect from its flame

  28. avatar
    . | 12 July 2011 at 2:38 am #

    be ye comforted…

  29. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 12 July 2011 at 3:25 am #

    SK-
    I know you are very busy, I just wanted to check-in to make sure everything is okay with you. You have not posted a blog in over a week. I hope it is because you have a million things going on and not enough time to do them all. Just checking in to make sure your okay. I wish you, the girls and your family great health happiness. Just a little concerned from not hearing from you in a week.

    AsAlways,
    Darrin K.

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 July 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    nice poem. you and this sexy business…i don’t know. sexy is an interesting thing, isn’t it. the entire notion of it is subjective coming and going. i think its a ghost. or maybe i just missed that life-lesson. lol. whatever, its a humorous notion.


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