posted on November 26, 2012 at 10:31 am

the one that got away

been re-hearsing with my band

re-hearsing re-hashing re: blah blah blah

it may sir-prize you blah blah blah

i just heard blah blah blah


mean while

nastiness and wild benevolence continue to co-exist

leaf blowers pointlessly fucking making a fucking noise

world rushes to war coz we still havent learnt

race horses get shot for pet food at the end of their run

(we should do that with politicians too)

(except the pets wouldnt eat it!)

the church is going on tour

we are still the best band in the world (except for a few others)

we still rock baby

killer likes to rock now ever so ever so

who is yer main man?

who gets the blame ? harry flowers!

my train of thought has been delayed

what happens after the second chorus?

the middle eight ate my middle sex no thanks i’m british

lets see …its A flat in A sharp area of G i forgot

i wrote a song about cigs..the chords are F A G

i wrote a song about the queen the chords are  B A G

i wrote a song about digging in the earth its in A minor

i wrote a song about the army in A major

my F is better augmented

it however remains undiminished

when i drink i slur and slide on the bass

the drums are a trap especially the snare

the rest are Toms or merely cymbalic

songs we are playing on this tour are  :

life is deep (so do ya wanna fuck?)

socrates existential blues (lets go to hooters!)

faust entry (lubricated goethe!)

mama youre so hot …oooh but footy is better…..!

rockin’ rollin’ struttin’ shakin’ jivin’ worn out man

the turgid mistake

the illuminati ate my homework

the way the sunlight plays upon her hare

rocknroll fuckup armageddon trash must burn (feat harpsichord n lute solo)

total absolute outta control free form freak out (parts 1, parts 2 and a slight refrain with key change)

and that other song we tried to make a hit but everyone hates (x 3)

meanwhile …ive been kitted out with a new wardrobe too

unfortunately i still got the same old clothes in it

my make up girl is only made up after all

i mean i made it all up and now she wont make up

make of it what you, Will

my wardrobe assistant quit in 1981 after contracting imbarrassment

i will be playing my trusty fender blobcaster with its rusty pre-raphaelite strings

i will be firing up my powerful 600 hundred and 66 watt ampn my marshall wyrmwood

it has induced vomiting and dizziness amongst the roadcrew

i cant wait to turn it up and aim it at the audients

i will be using plectrums fashioned from white rhino horn and narwhals teeth

i am sponsored by the uranium sellers guild and kim jong the third burger co

i drive a fossil fuel guzzling dinosaur thats gotta carbon footprint bigger than donald trumps entire hairdo

each concert drains enough power to light up half of africa for a year

our lyrics are sexist ageist racist homo and heterophobic yet still sensitive n ro-mantic

please come and see us when we appear near you doing the 1880s revue



27 Responses to “blah blah blah”

  1. avatar
    Kohl Ette | 26 November 2012 at 10:46 am #

    and for your penzance sing ten encores

  2. avatar
    eekie | 26 November 2012 at 11:23 am #

    Hey, somebody has to do it!

  3. avatar
    Crasher | 26 November 2012 at 11:38 am #

    i have built in robes…it’s painful peeling back my skin to reveal them.
    i won’t be at your gig on wednesday at the corner.
    i’ll be at the corner of princes and frederick st in dunedin instead.
    off to visit my ailing mum who hadn’t been in hospital since my baby brother was born 55 years ago.
    i booked the trip (leaving tomorrow) the day before your melbourne side show (or sideshow) was announced…shit bum bugger blast and hot wee wees !
    i hope this isn’t the last time the church come to town.
    i’m hoping george pell and his mary men break up their band first.
    watched u23# yesterday..looking forward to watching the others when i return.
    break a leg…not your hip old fella.

  4. avatar
    sharon daniel | 26 November 2012 at 11:39 am #

    Hillarious reading, sounding like the mother of all tours…. can’t wait!! 🙂

  5. avatar
    Steven Krut | 26 November 2012 at 11:46 am #

    You should each add one solo song to the set. The one that you should add, of course, is My Abstract Model.

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 November 2012 at 12:09 pm #

    Ooooooohhh,really looking forward to seeing “The Best Band In The World” FULLSTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Excitement kicked in last week as I realised the dates were fast approaching.The heady anticipation exists as strong as ever,even after all these years.Really glad that I got pulled into the gravitational pull of this amazing band that is THE Church in the early days.It is definitely fate that took me there. It’s been an amazing experience to journey through life having The Church in it,and I look forward to many more years to come!
    Here’s To The Church!
    Feeling very grateful that I have 3+ days of Peace and Music on the way.

  7. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 26 November 2012 at 12:26 pm #

    …umm …WOW…

    …maybe a little less caffieneee….

    …Faust was a distant relative, so iv been told…

    Have a grand Monday !!!

    Laura loves the vehicle and cried….so sweet…


  8. avatar
    Tanya | 26 November 2012 at 12:33 pm #

    Off the cuff arresting wit! Well done!

  9. avatar
    matthew | 26 November 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    Blobcaster! Haha! That was a brilliant read.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 November 2012 at 5:34 pm #

    Some of you forgot that they’re splitting up after these last few gigs?

  11. avatar
    Patrick Hendren | 26 November 2012 at 5:51 pm #

    “we are still the best band in the world (except for a few others)” is what you said, but none are better! Not in this lifetime!

  12. avatar
    That Girl | 26 November 2012 at 8:28 pm #

    Working like clappers ! Just received a copy of Song for the Road. Saving the best for last I see. I will start reading asap I can’t cheat and read you first now you know that is just not right ? Let you know how the book goes.

  13. avatar
    andy | 26 November 2012 at 9:54 pm #

    don’t let that DVD be a swansong…………

  14. avatar
    narelle | 26 November 2012 at 11:18 pm #

    leaf blowers…I say just shoot them!
    then write a lovely song in their memory…the chords are D E A D

  15. avatar
    Kohl Ette | 26 November 2012 at 11:51 pm #

    Yes, they will be breaking up soon. Funny, thought I might take it worse but I do remember that enmore gig so long ago and never expected any reunion let alone when one’s children grew past the Bazil Brush phase to discover all this. So that was some kind of bonus. Problems have a different relatively now I suppose or maybe I just feel on top of things after doing ballet this evening. When my mood crashes from cultural deprivation in this cultural hole, I will feel like I’m in a black hole and it will be the church’s fault. Not that there is any emotional blackmail. Yes, I thought I would cope worse than this but someone close to our source gave me some excellent advice and I think I’ve grown up lots. Now, if only the boys could take that advice. Or maybe they have and they’ve all finally outgrown eachother. In that case I consider them very healthy and mature and wouldn’t like my selfish yearnings to get in the way of their personal freedoms. I love(d) them as a group and wish them all a great future as individuals.

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 November 2012 at 11:56 pm #

    how big was it?

  17. avatar
    Trenton | 27 November 2012 at 3:02 am #

    Coming to terms with The Church calling it a day is not easy…for I have seen The Ramones, Neil Young, The Clash and Leonard Cohen in concert all over this blue/green planet yet I keep coming back to The Church…Steve, do you have any idea what a difference you and the band have made to the musical landscape in our little corner of the Universe? My best to you, Sir

  18. avatar
    verdelay | 27 November 2012 at 5:51 am #

    You old fox, you. It’s no use hiding away in that big house with Tiny Turner and a neat and pallid burger – I’ll get you in the end. It says so in the script.

    v (for viennetta)

  19. avatar
    hippy | 27 November 2012 at 6:48 am #

    Hahahahaha!!! You are a total nut with the puns!!!

    Hope it’s an i-MYRRH-sive live experience.

  20. avatar
    rum and kook | 27 November 2012 at 12:33 pm #

    plant a CEED

  21. avatar
    Crasher | 27 November 2012 at 2:26 pm #

    foggy drizzly old morning in melbourne. the daughter drove me to the airport, tired after watching the new bond movie (her not me).
    flight NZ890 delayed..delayed some more…cancelled. first time this has happened to me.
    apologies from air new zealand. cabcharge voucher home and back.
    got home..rebooked sorry mr crasher..ooh that’s a weird name sir ..can’t get you on another flight until thursday…momentarily pissed off.
    sudden thought..rang the 2 tix for tomorrow night!!!
    going with my buddy shane…he’s seeing you guys on friday as well.
    see ya tomorrow steve…good chance you won’t see me of course.
    oooh i’m lagged without the jet part, but excited !!

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 27 November 2012 at 3:53 pm #

      my dear crasher
      i am delighted you could make it
      not the best circumstances but….

  22. avatar
    Chris | 27 November 2012 at 3:13 pm #

    Just finished A Song for the Road…what a great Aussie iconoclastic exploration of the spurious galmour of rock touring…yours is the best chapter Steve!

  23. avatar
    kell | 27 November 2012 at 4:47 pm #

    !!! Fucking leaf blowers….! I was one recently. Got paid 2 make a racket. Hated it. It’s NOT “gardening”! True gardening is quiet, nurturing, getting a rake ‘n enjoying the rhythm. Does anyone still do that? Blowing machines -gives one a false sense of being a powerful wind Deva or something. Bloody joke!!! Who invented it?!

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