posted on December 29, 2005 at 12:15 pm

sunburnt
yes
i am
too much sun
burn baby burn
oooh touchy touchy
ah dont pat my back man
aloe vera
calamine lotion
how did this happen to meee?

was talking to rpk bout surfies
what a concept
i had ambitions to be a surfie
with a small hitch that i couldnae actually surf
but the lifestyle certainly appealed to the 17 year olde me
a couple o kids dropped outta our high school
disappeared
turned up 6 months later
jesus
brown as berries
hair turned into blond straw
(which i personally thought was amazing)
faded cool clothes…levi cords
a houndstooth flannel shirt
thongs
and they drove and lived in panel vans
they parked next to beaches
ate vegeburgers and chips
slept in the van
pulled loads of ye olde style surfie gurlss
and generally had this zen air
of indifference to the tawdry proto- “straight”
lives of all of us still at the schooly
wow
i envied those guys
they were like the wild bunch
breakin the law
takin dangerous risks
in every conceivable mannah….!
i dont think many made it thru alive…
they lived outsyde the norms
they interpretated the greene currents and swells
they knocked up pretty gurlss in black van darkness
they roamed the coasts searching for raw kicks
and incredibly subtle pleasures
they got together at night
and tripped by bonfires on the beach
dawn found em still loaded
hurtling across the waves
out of their tiny skulls
you see
being a surfie
was as attractive a career
to a neophyte boho
like me
as being a basse weildin’ superstar
both involved no real “work”
“work” is what the “straights” do
i am allergic to instructions
instruct me
and you waste your time
i do not follow maps
cannae assemble kinder surprises
much to daughters dissappointment
cant follow recipes
cant do equations
cant deduce from brochure
cant read stock indexs
doesnt completely understand the rules of
rugby
cricket
base and basket ball
soccer
car racing
voting system
how a car works
why we must have wars
why we are always the goode guys
why they are always the badde guys
why “straights” eat meat in mauseleum mansion
listnin’ to robbie willy -ams
and texting on their moby
why bohos drink tao juice and nut cutlets
in their coole padde
with feng shooey
an’ everything…
how do you use a logarhythm??
beats me
how many furlongs in a fathom?
i dont recall just now
let x equal y there, kilbey!
sorry sir, i cant…
whats that boy…cant..?….cant…?
it wont go sir
i hannae fuckin idea
about this
or any other
of the arithmetrical
bullshit
you have
been spouting
this
year
sir
good lord boy, do you think you can make a living
playing your damned electric guitar…?

oh mr norris
you had it so sussed

well its certainly getting late here
flat sitting
dont expect this kinda pro liffic
when im back in the i cafes
nope
this is a little yuletide treet
for the faith full
for the thicke and thinners
for the kilbettes
and killbeeings
for the sk-crazy ladies of the knight

for pam and perry
and their parole officer timpkins
for bill
a nightmare on neptune street
yeah see ya next drought you olde shysstah
for gerald who loves fritz fernidand and podcastes
for howie in san diego who loves the crunch
for wilo leading a loverevolution in darkest vulture streets
for the lovely commenterss
who say v. nice things
appreciated my droogies
maintain the rage
fly the sk flagge
if it aint sk…send it away
be kind to yourselves
you are even now
in my heart of hearts
you grace this blogg with your presents and presence
i love thee
so much
BAYBEE!!!

18 Responses to “blogged down in a hot swamp”

  1. avatar
    chukleslovakia | 29 December 2005 at 1:48 pm #

    apparently i’m lost in the translation. mayhaps the kind and forgiving S.K. will pusblish a translational text. recently discovered ‘Freaky Conclusions’ in the oddest of all places. can’t believe how well developed and accomplished a youf full s.k. was. please don’t end up in the pages of the enquirer and the sun. you are the last of a dead breed; brilliant and obscure by choice. keep the faith and we will follow. i’m afraid i am not clever enough for this bunch, though.

  2. avatar
    crack in a smile | 29 December 2005 at 2:08 pm #

    do you think you can make a living
    playing your damned electric guitar…?

    Oh, the irony…

  3. avatar
    sue c | 29 December 2005 at 2:27 pm #

    hi sk! I feel your pain – sunburnt too in ol’MELburn.. the surfie thing, been there, survived that. We’re survivors. Narnia – feeling so flat and empty about it. Sometimes its best to leave it all in your head. You get SO pissed off and disappointed. Maybe its the PG rating? I dont know,I expected more evil. The childcatcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang gave me nightmares. But its good to log in and see you again! Kind of comforting. You’d probably hate that 🙂

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 December 2005 at 3:40 pm #

    Dear St**ve,
    Glad you didnae become a full-tme surfie
    Regards

  5. avatar
    baby | 29 December 2005 at 4:04 pm #

    deare king kilbey,

    Dipping into gilt-edged love that will be made at last

    thank you

  6. avatar
    aal | 29 December 2005 at 4:42 pm #

    Sunburnt! Well the sun is something I would like to see a lil bit more these days. Here in Florence (Italy) we have snow and cold and ice etc. etc. etc: Jack Frost environment! Well there’s always a link to sk in everything…

  7. avatar
    RONIN | 29 December 2005 at 5:17 pm #

    Ole sk as a surfie?? Thank goodness you chose the rocknroll bass instead…

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 December 2005 at 9:54 pm #

    just love hearing your poems
    2 a day is a real treati
    thanks for all your
    energy in this sweet universe

    m

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 December 2005 at 10:52 pm #

    for get yours elf

  10. avatar
    bILL Davidson | 29 December 2005 at 11:30 pm #

    why did you give Kilbey my number?
    …but, Kilbey’s your friend!
    I feel like he’s watching me..
    wRiting about my life in his most disspassionate way (*)

  11. avatar
    captainmission | 30 December 2005 at 12:11 am #

    being an old surfie dude (handfin variety- highly recommended) ya brought a tear to me eye. but i have to say you are a surfer man. i seen you surf the aural waves with that base, its not the same medium as water, diff density but ohh them sexy sound waves and the beautiful thing is we get to go along for a ride as well, now thats cool.
    beautiful

  12. avatar
    esskayer | 30 December 2005 at 1:22 am #

    Hallo ye olde Steve againe–Cracked up over your recall of the biggest waste of time ever in the universe: MATHEMATICS! (Unless you wanna be a scientist). Have you ever used a “proof” in real life? Did you ever plug in an “x” or “y” to a quadratic equation? I still haven’t and hope I never do again. I had to go into school an hour early for almost a year in high school just to manage a fuckin “C” grade in Geometry. No thanks! I’ve always envied you for staying out of the hellish pit of the “straights” and stickin’ it to da manne with your rebellious anthems of a betta world, allowing us humble listners to escape from our perceptual prisons. What do you think you might have done without the lectric gittars and basse? Or the wonders of your books/poems and artwork? What if you had no artistic abilities and couldn’t draw a stick figure or learn a G-major chord, or form a complete sentence? I often wonder what SK’s alternative career might have been. Perhaps in your next bloggy you can enlighten us all. Love, Esskayer.

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 December 2005 at 1:45 am #

    Sk – we’d love you to have the fame, riches and respect that you deserve. If anything, you’ll leave this earth a richer place than it would ever have been without you …surfer dude 🙂

  14. avatar
    eek | 30 December 2005 at 9:39 am #

    I’ve certainly enjoyed the twice a day SK bloggy, but I also quite enjoy your great comments on the other internet cafe patrons too. OMG! Those are just the funniest damned entries ever.

    You are so dead on with your wickedly funny observations.

  15. avatar
    Joanna Satana | 30 December 2005 at 10:54 am #

    X=y…..ugh city, man. I had an algebra teacher in 8th grade that belittled and humiliated the one learning disabled kid in the class. It still brings up the bile when I think of it, and I oft wonder if that experience has anything to do with how much i HATE math nowadays. I’m still blocked at the college, and can’t take more classes until I take the maths….no more “former” education for me I guess……

    Charlie don’ surf, and I guess neither do you! Lucky for us fans of that “electric guitar” you’ve managed (quite well I must add) to make a living offa!

    PEE ESS: SUNBLOCK SUNBLOCK SUNBLOCK
    skin cancers are evil things. Spare yourself that agony, dear.

    Happy New Year – hope you have a safe and enjoyable one!

    *SIN*cerely

  16. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 30 December 2005 at 11:03 am #

    Cheers Steve
    Happy New Years
    to you and yours

  17. avatar
    gavgams | 30 December 2005 at 12:53 pm #

    Thought I knew that “voice” from somewhere. It’s the Clockwork Kilbey’s alter ego Alex (somewhat). “Droogies” ?. But this one’s a sweet and tender Killabyte and why not? (except where Robbie Willyam’s concerned and his ilk, I trust)
    Great bit of text Steve; hot dog, man – “hot swamp”.
    Me I like to hear a bit of the fellow sycophants reality too. Stockin shelves in Texas, snow in Florence? Yea it’s a good crew. Some great specemins of humanity, as I’d expect! Right on Captainmission (a different man with a different plan?). Me? I’m flippin out west of Geelong, playing Church and Wiggles(they sussed it?) and Tommy Dorsey Cha Cha to me lovely todds. Not many Bohos round these parts just bogans but some beaut people and the birds and special wilderness. Got some goats and sheep and 20 chooks (eat my own, but it’s honest) and friends near Violet Town – another empty Babylon but from the desert comes the creator? and at 43* C. tommorow also dry heat and aroma and seeds.
    Have you’se ever looked a goat in the horizontal pupil? Gotta go and water all my orchids (and veges etc..)

  18. avatar
    gavgams | 30 December 2005 at 1:08 pm #

    Have to add: such beautiful words to finito caputu with, SK.

    Thank you thank you.


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