posted on October 16, 2008 at 8:19 pm

scarlet virginia kilbey turns three today 17th
“i’m free” shouts the woofle this smorning
the woofle more difficult than the other 4 put together
the demanding complaining fussy little turkey
she got a pair of hi-heeled princess slippers
(jesus christ!)
and a princess plastic scooter from toys r us
old dead walt dizz-knee doing a great trade out of la woofle
who has cinderella bing bongs
sno-white blah blahs
jasmine nik naks
and ariel the mermaid coronation scales n gill set
we got princess handbags
princess tea bags
and when i play cricket i have a princess ballbag
we eat priincess flakes with princess sweetener
with princess knives n forks
and i snort princess dust when i’m feeling naught-y
i cannot wait to see la woofle riding her scooter in her hi heels
actually if i was a little girl
i’d rather have the sea-hag kit
with the pet eels and attachable hairy wart for my chin
comes with a cauldron and 10 free jinxes
not available in utah or baghdad
so much for this levity
muse ; is that what you call it?
yeah well at least i know me sammy colon from me colon muse-y
anywell where was i
yes the woofle
now 3
she knows all the words to wolfe and outbound
the doodles got a i-shuffle each for birthday
i was as pleased as punch
when outbound n wolfe from p/killer
got to go on along with pink, abba and spice grrrls
you should hear the 3 girls singing
all this stuff
wolfe cant see….ah thats no gooood
hearing aurora sneering out in her jimmy stewart way
“its really tragic how they needed the music…!”
woofle is always a word or 2 behind everyone else
because she doesnt really know the words
but she sings in tune
ive raved on here about the woofle
but shes got some starpower n charisma
shes got presence
shes no longer chubby
shes solidifying into a very solid kid
(“steve…your daughters are so….well built!!”..local quack)
shes got pale blue eyes that search your soul
often red rimmed coz the woofle loves a good cry
she loves a tantrum and has a devastating scream
shes moody and magnificent
shes hot tempered and blustery
she will be a perfect opera singer or great actress
shes just that theatrical type
shes argumentative and contradictory
shes sulky and outrageous
shes my little woofle now turning 3 after 3 long years
and shes got clout
watch this space
you aint heard the last of la woofle
not by a long shot

37 Responses to “celebration of the birthday of the…..WOOFLE”

  1. avatar
    fipster | 16 October 2008 at 9:26 pm #

    Happy Birthday Scarlet!
    3 is such a great age, full of magic.

  2. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 16 October 2008 at 9:27 pm #

    i love the combination of extreme love and adoration and extreme exasperation when you talk about woofle….
    my little one’s keeping dora the explorer and my little pony in business…
    happy birthday woofle!!!!!
    love always…..

  3. avatar
    Mr. Ricky | 16 October 2008 at 10:05 pm #

    Happy Birthday Woofle!

  4. avatar
    princey | 16 October 2008 at 10:28 pm #

    Happy Birf-day to the gorgeous Princess, she obviously has her daddys eyes:) Prince Phoenix & Her Royal Woofleness, a match made in heaven, it's written in the cards!!

    You must be so proud to hear your girls rockin' and singin' your stuff now, what a buzzzz!

    have a great weekend one and all,
    love Amanda

  5. avatar
    fantasticandy | 16 October 2008 at 10:35 pm #

    three already.
    you love her SO much dont’cha…
    makes me think of my camille when she was a nipper!
    very precocious…….
    as for all the disney merch…
    bloody well serves you right for forging walt’s signature on the painkiller cover!

  6. avatar
    ml68 | 16 October 2008 at 10:44 pm #

    celebration week chez kilbey hey…HBs all round…

  7. avatar
    captain mission | 16 October 2008 at 11:21 pm #

    hey scarlet, happy birthday.
    i’m pretty fond of the little mermaid and her sisters as well 🙂

    saturday night boat shed manly locked in loaded.

  8. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 17 October 2008 at 12:12 am #

    wish i had a 3 yr old little girl so i can feel what you feel…
    Sit Down Jonny

  9. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 17 October 2008 at 12:36 am #

    “shes got pale blue eyes that…”

    linger on

  10. avatar
    GroovyDaddy | 17 October 2008 at 12:42 am #

    Happy Birthday, Scarlet!
    My own daughter is three years old. I’m just filled with wonder by her every day.

  11. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 17 October 2008 at 1:01 am #

    Scarlet can sing better than Brian Johson. He sounds like the girl from the Exorcist on Thuuuuuunderrrrrstruuuuuuuuuck.

  12. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 17 October 2008 at 1:03 am #

    I meant millionaire screamer Brian Johnson.

  13. avatar
    matt davison | 17 October 2008 at 3:33 am #

    show us pictures Mr kWILLbee….

  14. avatar
    melissa | 17 October 2008 at 4:42 am #

    Happy Birthday Princess Woofle!

    lovely bloggy:)

  15. avatar
    davem | 17 October 2008 at 5:30 am #

    Have a great day, little ‘un!

  16. avatar
    markobears | 17 October 2008 at 5:31 am #


  17. avatar
    markobears | 17 October 2008 at 5:34 am #

    One of my fav recent time vids

  18. avatar
    sergezéni | 17 October 2008 at 5:49 am #

    Happy Birthday!

  19. avatar
    kat | 17 October 2008 at 6:00 am #

    how do we know scarlet’s bday will last a woofle year!?

    hope it is/was great

  20. avatar
    lily was here | 17 October 2008 at 8:32 am #

    For you Scarlet, moody and magnificent cherub


    ps enjoy the party tonight sk. Reg'nPete hey? Should be fun.

  21. avatar
    veleska1970 | 17 October 2008 at 9:08 am #

    happy birthday to scarlet!!!!

    lotza love…

  22. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 17 October 2008 at 10:50 am #

    Let her have her uncensored fun, but once was the time that Pooh wasn’t a yellow buffoon with happy plastic friends, he had a morbid psycho-depressive donkey missing an appendage instead. Once the Little Mermaid walked on daggers every step for love. The eels and warts kit would be a big seller round Christmas I suggest – especially if with real, witchy bits not plastic crapola. Once Walt could terrify kids with dancing armies of enslaving mops and unleash a sociopathic duck with anger management issues and no parents. Those were the days. These days everyone is girlworld is plastic, pink and plucky. Oh fuck.

  23. avatar
    grow fins | 17 October 2008 at 11:08 am #

    My 9yo went through the princess thing a while back lasted for a few years thank god she is over those tarty bratz abominations.Little girls are truly princesses gotta love em in a glowing n proud fatherly way.

  24. avatar
    eek | 17 October 2008 at 11:34 am #

    Happy Birthday Scarlet Woofle!

    she got a pair of hi-heeled princess slippers

    Of course she did — everyone needs a pair of high-heeled princess slippers at least once in their life!

    Wow — three birthdays in two days! You must be just about birthday-ed out about now, Steve.

  25. avatar
    Cita | 17 October 2008 at 11:58 am #

    My little girl (now a gorgeous 12 year old) used to have a real thing for shoes when she was three. She was so obsessed by a pair of gold sandals she wouldn’t let us take them off at night…she would wear them to bed. So funny that age and such a beautiful world to be in.

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 October 2008 at 12:12 pm #

    She’s just your doppleganger then, eh?

    Thank God everyday for her and the other wonderful women in your life.

    We are moving out of this terrible cycle…Mars retrograde or whatever the fuck it is…I can feel it. Post-September slump is almost over.

    Be good.


  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 October 2008 at 12:23 pm #

    Jeez…I wrote the above before I read of your Patti S. evening…I tried to get tickets but too late. There something fucking with everything at the moment….I can’t put a name or face to it…but it’s been a solidly bad week or so.

    I’m putting it out to the universe that the Virgos neeeeed a break. We have so much to process at the best of times…time for a short reprieve.


  28. avatar
    persephone2u | 17 October 2008 at 12:47 pm #

    I always see the cutest princess clothes when I’m shopping and I think if I ever had a daughter I’d put her in little medieval costumes all the time! She’d be dressed in Princess Bride clothes running around singing everything off my iTunes collection from Adam Ant’s Stand and Deliver to the VU’s Femme Fatale! Very very cute blog today.

    Oh, and I was meant to have an October 17th baby, but the little emperor Lucien decided that the 23rd was a better day to show up instead last year. And he is EXACTLY as you describe the woofle. I’ve actually never encountered a baby quite like my Lucien, who picks up followers and admirers wherever he goes, and who, yesterday, found himself the product of the attentions of a little 14 month old girl when we were getting pizza. They held hands (?!!), talked to each other (I wish I knew what they were saying…) and bonded between a glass partition. Hmmm…either way, my own little blue eyed baby keeps me on my toes 24 hours a day. He’s another Salvador Dali in the making I tell thee.

  29. avatar
    matthew | 17 October 2008 at 1:38 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Scarlet! Keep being theatrical… that’s ok with me! Well done too SK.

  30. avatar
    msm | 17 October 2008 at 1:43 pm #

    PS… “Princess Ballbag”… hahaha I love it.

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 October 2008 at 1:48 pm #

    No, Brien, with the passing of Mercedes McCambridge, Diamanda Galas is the nearest you’ll ever hear to the voice of the pit!
    And that’s not a criticism!

  32. avatar
    tim | 17 October 2008 at 3:03 pm #

    with the woofle you have described my 5 year old cassandra perfectly….hmmm…were you anywhere near canada 5 years and 9 months ago? think its time for a dna test.


  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 October 2008 at 3:12 pm #

    Steve, any plans for more Esoteric Music Club?

  34. avatar
    CSTCoach | 17 October 2008 at 3:36 pm #

    wow, happy birthday woofle!

    (i don’t even you the clomp of high heels, or those godawful toys with noises and voices – the ipod was a good call – i had a plastic fisher price record player from about age 3, used to love to do the monster mash, and to croon along with elvis presley, of all things!)

  35. avatar
    bad dad | 17 October 2008 at 4:34 pm #

    I wouldn’t wish myself as a father on anyone. hence, I’ll never have kids. My unborn children will thank me!

  36. avatar
    restaurant mark | 17 October 2008 at 6:52 pm #

    happy birthday scarlet!!! we obviously have all the same princess gear…naomi’s 5 now and we have it all…the princess blanket, slippers, running shoes, night gown…hell, we even got princess fruit chews!!! if our new one turns out to be a girl, at least we’ll have hand me down princess gear on tap! by the way, went to my wife’s doctor a few days ago…our due date is june 6th. we have our very own picture of our peanut with a heartbeat!

    have a good weekend everyone

  37. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 17 October 2008 at 8:42 pm #

    wow!!! hope you and the missus and naomi and ‘the magic jellybean’ (what i used to call my little one when she was as big as your little one) are all well….it’s exciting, isn’t it….
    peace and love….

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