posted on October 23, 2008 at 9:18 pm

we know nothing of ourselves
who we truly are
our capabilities
our capacities
we are deep continents submerged in a sea of not knowing
we face each day blindly oblivious of our true pasts
we end each day no closer to ourselves
strangers to each other
still thinking i can hurt you without hurting me
still judging and under-estimating you
still ignoring and bothering you
people told me who i was
other people told them who they were
i tear off the mask only to find another underneath it
masking the rusty surface and facing the sea
asking me for a purpose so patiently
a purpose…?
endings n beginnings
reasons why and dates
we have no idea what we’re measuring
certainty is a joke
nothing is certain
nothing is sacred
nothing is forever
open up now
to the possibility you may have been wrong
prepare to accept you may have erred
maybe your memory
maybe your perception
maybe your thinking was out
and you never ever saw it
an actor hooked on his lines
you never leave your play
you never drop out of character
and walk to the back of the theatre
and see that its all just a bloody act
you so fixated on anything that comes along
money
gossip
fashion
power
fame
youth
strength
victory
domination
power
omnipotence
prestige
yes yes
give them to me
yes yes
anything youve got
in my sleep i scream out for someone to wake me up
a sleeper calling in a roomful of sleepers
a little starfish in a tiny pool cursing at the ocean
an eagles feather stuck in a stupid idiots hat
a black panthers pelt in a cardsharks hovel
i pick up my paints and i paint lemuria
i paint me in lemuria
i paint natalie in lemuria
i paint steve draper in lemuria with guitars and eyes
i paint elli n minna in lemuria with the temples n snakes
i paint scarlet kilbey as a moon goddess priestess in lemuria
i paint details of lemurian jungles
but when i stop
but when i hit pause on my i-box
but when i rinse the paint n pastel dust off my hands
but when i look in the soft mirror and fall right through
but when nightfalls short and daylong
and memories seep from the shadows
and i wake up in the light of a bye gone after noon
when i wake up in yesterday
when i re enter the continuum
when the film has started to print through
when the discrete channels begin to hear each other
when the god in man starts to wake up
when the last man is killed
when we stop and realise
when the reductionism reaches its final logical phase
when scientists say we dont fucking know
when they gonna realise
that you really do have to pay your dues
if ya wanna sing the blues
that means without authenticity youre nothing
thats why they say people suffer for their art
not because arthur rim baud or dylan t
got writers cramp scrawling the stuff
but you gotta be wide open if you wanna catch it
and youre gonna catch everything
n things you didnt foresee
n things you didnt want
and the better you are
the crazier you are
dont you see they go hand in hand
but what is madness and genius and pain
except a mind so finely attuned
nothing escapes its attention
and a mind not content with its own explanations
that is
you cant be jim morrison without being jim morrison
you cant have one without the other
and thats why dylan is so easily spooked
and why poor jeff buckley had to go swimming
and why kurt needed nothing less than oblivion
and why some masters never utter a word
and why winter follows spring
and spring follows a meandering course
and why krishna is the colour of a cloud
and why we dont fall off this world
and why it never comes when you want it
and why you better carpe fucking diem
and scarlet kilbey with her big head full of ideas
still sleeping
dreaming of her lemurian childhood in the jungle opera
when they summoned the gods and the elements
when they spoke in tongues of lightning
and the music was blazing
and the rhythm was infectious
and the jungle closes in
closing in
closer and closer
the monkeys and big cats
the medicinal vine
the bark with its dmt
the shrubs n luminous moss
the roots travelling underground
the rain and the wind
the open spaces
the temples on the hillsides
electrical disturbance!
a blue white flash
a sudden illumination
steve kilbey drops his paintbrush
the magenta
the ice blue
the marine green
the lemon yellow
the violet n indigo n purple n mauve
the crimson n maroon
the paper ripped from a tree
the distance recedes
people step out from behind the trees
natives
savages
wild men n witchdoctors
barbarians
sun worshippers
woad wearing britons
egyptians with bird heads
i dont know
whatever theyve got
franks, celts, yutumbi, watusi, belucci
fettucine
babychino
crash
thats evolution
i guess

32 Responses to “conjecture”

  1. avatar
    princey | 23 October 2008 at 10:44 pm #

    This makes me want to go way back in time to Ancient Greece where my mum was born or Ancient Egypt where my dad was born. Living off the land, talking to the Gods, clean air…..yeah, just pure and simple living!
    love Amanda

  2. avatar
    fantasticandy | 23 October 2008 at 11:03 pm #

    woah…killer!

    ‘the ever popular tortured artist effect’.
    scary stuff man!
    one of your most incisive observations ever…..
    ‘i am what i am’ you said the other day, NOW i get it….
    you are indeed an antenna,
    a dim reciever?
    damn i’m thick sometimes!
    i finally get the bigger picture.
    …how do you stay sane?
    you must have some mighty powerful filter system working inside that head of yours……..
    oh…yeah, something else just clicked!
    ‘how do you sleep at night’,
    ‘i reign in my dreams SO tight’.

    painkiller is a deeply personal document about your state of being…
    you clever sod!
    clever,
    clever,
    sod.

    by the way, i think ‘wolfe’ is your best ‘pop’ song in years.
    thanks for that!
    luv,
    andy L.

  3. avatar
    the dean | 23 October 2008 at 11:09 pm #

    but why are so many born to live short miserable lives without love or fulfilment?

  4. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 24 October 2008 at 12:50 am #

    the dean,
    why do so many people live short and miserable lives? sometimes it’s fate and that’s the hell of it for these poor souls….sometimes they chain themselves to a treadmill and are afraid to get off even though they are miserable….what they know and are brought up with is better than the unknown..
    love always…

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 October 2008 at 12:56 am #

    m pretty close to giving up on this whole thing,dont you worry.

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 October 2008 at 1:00 am #

    you should never take me for granted

  7. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 October 2008 at 1:09 am #

    Empedocles “Purifications” and the Judeo-Christian fall of man concepts work for me. There is a cosmic war between love and strife and in these times strife is in control evidenced by wars, homicides, ethnic/tribal conflicts, slaughterhouses, famine, hunger, illness, human and animal genocide. Humans have corrupted the world. Each day can be our last thereby making it imperative to have reverence for all life to bolster karma because Jimbo was right when he said no one here get’s out alive.

    Just imagine there has not be a leader since Gandhi for over 80 years.

    Listening to Will Tuttle piano music to chill out. He also wrote “The World Peace Diet”.

    Stunned and awed by the psychological brilliance of today’s SK blog. When he’s on he’s the best. That’s the same thing Jimmy Page said about J. Beck.

    Davem: My neighbor has a 2007 DVD of The Only Ones Reunion tour.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 October 2008 at 1:19 am #

    pardon?when?

  9. avatar
    jaime r...... | 24 October 2008 at 1:49 am #

    the Soft parade is just begun…

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 October 2008 at 1:54 am #

    Very thought provoking. Yes, possibilities are endless in our lives. What a wonderful thing the mind is. Well said.

    Congrats to Russell on the doco. Mark is such a lovely guy, makes me feel guilty complaining bout my life with its ups and downs. Your mum is rightly proud of her three boys. Talent runs in the genes of the Kilbeys that's fer sure.

    Peace & love,
    Therese

  11. avatar
    matt davison | 24 October 2008 at 2:05 am #

    I am the last man killed

    I am the first one to die

    -as the book once said
    I still praise the sky without delight..

    As the moon told of stars and hides by earth..

    The rains bring unwanted fires,
    As a hell opens and breaks the still night.

    The un-armed heart kept fortresses bleed open like a newly caught fish.

    Every soul boiled by untruths, where love and anger collide

    Speeking of our minds ever ending pain, under the opus of dripping rain.

    Some day as the earth ends up alone as I am, will a peace come over

    during which time many hearts will remiss

    Thankyou for everything and thankyou for nothing..

    Dear lady

    Dear lady

    Dear world

    Oh’ Dear me!!!

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 October 2008 at 2:46 am #

    You are officially dead.

    Courtesy of Pluto times. Good one , Pluto.

    Au revoir por favor.

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 October 2008 at 2:55 am #

    but why are so many born to live short miserable lives without love or fulfilment?

    the tao te ching has some answers:

    To live until you die is to live long enough.
    The sage does not seek fulfillment

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 October 2008 at 3:54 am #

    Steve –
    I sit here about 10,000kms from you. I found your blog in a random fashion – just as I found the news about the 2006 death of Gerry Georgettis.

    You see, the internet is weird place where you can get caught up in threads. I went searching for some strange video, and saw a related video related. A related video turned out to be about a guy who lost the plot and burned down a Ford dealer (rightfully so).

    They mentioned the name. I thought “hmmm, that is a rare name, and I once new a guy with that name”.

    I googled Georgettis. I knew him briefly, years ago, as a support act tour manager. I still work in the touring business. I was a young buck, working for the headliner, and he was the support TM/FOH. He was always very cool to me, and was a bit of a mentor.

    Long story short, I only recently heard about his unwinding and death and it lead me here.

    N/S/E/W is still one of my all time favorites. The whole of that damn album is brilliant.

    Fuck me. I miss the days of real music.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 October 2008 at 4:32 am #

    oh,but the sage does seek love n fulfilment….but love and fulfilment is not akin to being a mushroom{being kept in the dark,n fed bullshit}.a bit of human decency,n humanity would be a rare thing,beautiful enough to seek out.worth growing for.worth dying for.honesty would be grand.make it right,because this is just awful,the way it is.after all this time,

  16. avatar
    the dean | 24 October 2008 at 4:41 am #

    A child is born into devastation, it’s mother gaunt and ravaged trudges miles bare foot across a searing wasteland to a refugee camp in the hope of food, water, shelter, medicine, only to find thousands the same as her. The child dies with flies crawling in its eyes.

    This is why I doubt any purpose, any larger scheme of things.

    SK writing is truly inspirational,

    I wish I could forget myself and believe.

  17. avatar
    finn | 24 October 2008 at 5:57 am #

    Finn prostrates herself before The Time Being.
    Is he not like an Oracle?
    His words profound and containing truth, deep truth, and yet….and yet….
    when he moves away from the funny machine that saves these words and releases them to the ether, I sense a different man, an ordinary man, making his way through the day.
    I have heard that with a guiter in his hand, before a respectful crowd, he becomes godlike.
    Is this true?

    Finn

  18. avatar
    kat | 24 October 2008 at 5:57 am #

    life is awesome!

    & life's a bitch & then you die

    its evolution
    & pollution

  19. avatar
    captain mission | 24 October 2008 at 7:43 am #

    my mantra is
    i love life and life loves me
    the rest makes everything to complicated but i like a moth drawn to the flame i seek an answer.

    todays post reminded me of my favorite story you narrated once at a gig, i hope its okay to share that here.
    steve was talking about his first meeting with julian cope
    julian came running up to him,

    ‘steve steve what does it all mean?’
    ‘what does what mean julian?’
    ‘everything’

    i often imagine that when i feel baffled about things, if anything it makes me smile. i love that story.

  20. avatar
    Jasperina | 24 October 2008 at 9:08 am #

    We are deep continents submerged in a sea of not knowing….too scared to tap into the real truth about ourselves. A thoughtful postscript to yesterdays prose.

  21. avatar
    ml68 | 24 October 2008 at 9:55 am #

    alcohol is a portal to somewhen else, with a catch though…life is full of traps…then, when you do get through them all, old age gets ya!!

  22. avatar
    lily was here | 24 October 2008 at 10:24 am #

    conjecture = speculation
    speculation = gambling
    gambling = risk
    risk = exposure
    exposure = nudity
    It always comes back to sex

    On a serious note, if we know nothing of ourselves we can never be truly disappointed?

    xxx

    ps i see the word Pluto – I was listening to red light syndrome today.

  23. avatar
    verdelay | 24 October 2008 at 12:41 pm #

    ‘real world’

    ?

    it’s a meaningless phrase. i’m pleased you avoid its use. meaningless

    like ‘delicate storm’ or ‘gentle murder’

    our experience doesn’t quite match the aspiration.

    more than that – it’s a con, subterfuge, a lie (told by?)

    i mean, why did the gods do battle? why did the olympians topple the titans?

    if all i do is seek to replace YOU with ME, what am i but a transitory phase in a succession of replacements? a ringing modulation? an echo of who i once was. who i will soon be.

    creator
    sustainer
    destroyer

    cardinal
    fixed
    mutable

    father
    son
    holy ghost

    huey
    duey
    louis

    the real world is just the tyranny of that middle digit, nothing more; an utter denial of two thirds of all possibilities; a pointless lie.

    ‘real world’ indeed.

  24. avatar
    Jab @ BZT | 24 October 2008 at 1:57 pm #

    SK, if you were aiming at a particular catalyst, with the intent of knockin’ it upside the head, it worked.

    That post was cool as hell.

  25. avatar
    kat | 24 October 2008 at 4:27 pm #

    don’t forget the silencer….

  26. avatar
    davem | 24 October 2008 at 4:56 pm #

    Brilliant.
    That just sucked me out of my mundane “now”.
    I’m taking that into the weekend with me.
    Many, many thanks.
    x

  27. avatar
    Mr. Argent | 24 October 2008 at 5:11 pm #

    “but you gotta be wide open if you wanna catch it
    and youre gonna catch everything”

    it’s too bad low-pass filter systems aren’t included in this deal. oh well, pure harmonics can only be served up full-spectrum.

    thanks for sharing, SK. it means a lot to me.

  28. avatar
    tim | 24 October 2008 at 6:48 pm #

    painkiller pak has arrived!!

    HONEY, WHERE ARE ARE MY ROLLING PAPERS!!

    Just in time for friday night! Thank you karmic hit!!!

  29. avatar
    tim | 24 October 2008 at 7:27 pm #

    p.s. i like your blog too!

  30. avatar
    steve kilbey | 24 October 2008 at 7:58 pm #

    smoke on then good son
    and feel that painkiller rushing through yer system like
    ellis d fogg

  31. avatar
    sergezéni | 24 October 2008 at 10:20 pm #

    Steve!

    Ahh. Well, I think some little comments in this blog concerning the New Leaf page are inevitable. “A To Fade In”, and also a 19-minutes epic called “Pack Of Regrets” were recorded in order to cope with my long father’s disease (7 years) and his passing in March, 2003. “Dad’s Everyday Life” is about the life he had after we came from Algeria in the 60’s, the life of tons of migrants. Ex-girlfriend Céline asked me to put “Birthday Girl” somewhere (the track’s for her) — her birthday will be in 2 weeks. Nothing spectacular. The Nick Drake cover is dedicated to ex-girlfriend Isa who died of brain cancer 2 years ago. Don’t know, however, when the project will be completed — I’m not really motivated and kinda fed-up with it.

    Normally, such comments should be written into personal emails. But, no problem.

    One blank space was left “au cas où”, concerning the instrumental tribute to Steve Kilbey.Then, I thought it would be better to ask or wait for a request. Anyway, it’s up to you!

    Love,
    Serge.

  32. avatar
    steve kilbey | 25 October 2008 at 9:37 am #

    ??????


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