im trapped in this dream
in the dream i cant breathe
i try everything
but my nose is blocked
my throat is closed
i cant get any air down to my lungs
i feel like im dying
the other characters in my dream go about
their mundane dreamlives
unaware that im dying
the world whirled …again
my reality became a vortex
a vortex in deed appears
unleashed by the crash
im starting to be picked up by the vortex
bit by bit
im whirling around
as it goes down
thru the dark earth
towards king death

i wake up
im lying face down in my pillow
i could hardly breathe
i stagger to open window
suck in oxygen
still uncomprehending
i pull on my clothes
leave the house
its a dark warm overcast morning
there is a ceiling on the world
nimbus roof protecting us
the most tiny drops of rain
alight on my skin
as i stride away from home
everything moves into sharp focus
frangipani flowers
luxurious gifts from vishnu
beautiful trees full of beautiful birds
gardens roses glorious weeds
snails amble along
masterpieces in design and engineering
everything is close
i feel like im in a big room
in my Fathers mansion
so quiet
so hushed
the scene set for me
no cars
no other people
nothing
saturday morning 7 am feb 2006
to fix a co ordinate on it
i pass the cafes
toast cooking somewhere
i walking along boardwalk
pacific ocean baybee
cmon i still excited by it
foreboding breakers roll in
the ocean conceals its monsters well
but you remember theyre still out there
people fizz past me
im in my interior world
my whole life falls out of my head
unsequentially
i lived it all for you
i realise that now
my life was a play
you always know the ending
i acted it out
and i was the audience
filming it
recording it
photographing it
slice by slice
frame over frame
i took it all down for you
because i knew one day
youd want to know what it was
so i was , like, the protaganist
in my own life
with all the confidence
and frustration
of the actor who has played his part before
and is anxious to get to the good bits
the bits with the good lines
and the heroic moments
how i sat thru the tedium of the fifties
for ya
playing a little boy i was
ha ha
sometimes i dropped out of character
i came out with profound and profane stuff
eager to try out lines that would be coming later
now
then the sixties
i started filming in colour sometime in 1966
some of those sixties things
are brighter clearer and more alive
than much of the nineties
thats all thru a very dark filter
its all mixed up
i guess the eighties are in good nick
though a little burnt in places
where i saturated my camera
anyway
im still walking by the ocean
joggers
surfers
mumsndadsnkids
i hit the sea pool
im painting a picture of
ziggy in the sea pool
i imagine he crashed here in 2006
instead of lundon 1972
the water is green
cool viscous bouyant
i do only 18 laps
my laziness conquers my determination
i go into the sauna
i watch the ocean
those amazing surfers out there already
on a day like this
in their black suits
riding the wild fucking sea, mister
a russian guy i know comes in
a serious sauna fiend
he chucks a bucket of water over the rocks
despite sign:
do not splash hot rocks
the room fills with scalding steam
its almost worse than the interview at m w ps
i go red all over
the steam wallops me like a jealous lover
it slaps my face
and kicks me in the balls
want some more comrade?
yeah sure…uh…oh….yeah
i emerge stuffed and cooked
i do my chi gong
(chinese breathing exercises)
i get dressed
i leave
i come here
i write this
i love you
sk