posted on January 1, 2007 at 8:28 pm

so this is 2007 eh?
how futuristic….
the killer sits in kitchen
the harbour bridge is obscured by cloud
everybody sleep sleep sleep
sydney still very quiet
aint this the day that all the “straights” go back to work?
those lazy “straights”…
here i am a first class boheemyan
and im up early n im working…
maybe i should jump in ye olde falcon
and drive round blowing my own horn
today im gonna drive twillies down the south coast
to visit olde frends dr jimmy +the tiny tot
now very very coincidentally
you cant guess whos staying practically next door
(i aint exagerrating!)
keethy urbane and ms nicci mankid
and ive already daydreamed this scenario for ya
the olde being gets up early…as is his wont
hes wandering on that beach
when he hears excuse me
arent you steeeve kill-bee?
i spin around…its a guy about 40
long sandy hair and a cuppla huge body guards
steve! listen man i got all the cherches records dude
oh steve…wont you write some million selling songs with me?
well uh keethy thats nice..but…uh…
cmon steve look i’ll give ya a million right now
(bodyguard whips out a chequebook
keith signs it and rips it out , hands it over)
we go up to niccis holiday house
i meet her daddy doctor horatio mankid the famous elbow surgeon
i meet the sister livinia mankid and her husband whatsisname
and finally
ah she enters the room
austraylias verry verry own
the highest paid feemail moovie star in tha wirld
and shes says
stevie oh i loved priest = aura
and then we all get on like a house on fire
doctor horatio looks at my elbows (got the all-clear)
livinia produces spliff champers n dragons
but keethy …i thought you were in rehab
fuck that maan…its christmas
wow keethy n i get on like brothers
hes read all the same books
he likes all the same records
at the end of a long session
its fixed
im gonna work on keethys new album
hes gonna buy me a mansion in vaucluse
build a studio in basement
we’re going down the lexus shop tomorrow
and hes gonna pick me out a cuppla guzzlahs
i get home to dr j and tt
no one can believe my good luck
we’re sitting there celebrating
when a knock comes at the door
its the bodyguards
mister urbane wants his cheque back…NOW!
but why but why? i ask
one of em reaches into his coat and pulls out a bit of paper
he said to give you this !
the bodyguard rolls it up and almost shoves it down my throat
they take the 1 million buck cheque n leave
i spit the ball of paper from my mouth
its a printout of that damn blogge….
but keethy….i didnt mean it…i didnt know you then…
i sob to myself
gently rocking in a corner
my mother always said my big mouth’d get me into trubble..
and now…
keethy if ya reading this
i wanna say
i love yer new album
im ready to go all country
(i once rode a pony at a school fete)
lets write some earthy stuff
out in the paddock with our hoes at the crack of day
that sort of thing
just gimme another chance

52 Responses to “day 2”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 8:39 pm #

    that was funny esskay…
    Jonny Hollywood

  2. avatar
    eek | 1 January 2007 at 8:43 pm #

    my mother always said my big mouth’d get me into trubble..

    Haha!! That is just too funny. Thanks for the laugh!

    (but your mum’s right you know… 😉 )

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 8:43 pm #

    what a funny fella you are…things can’t be too bad if yer have a view of the coathanger from the kitchen window.

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 8:51 pm #

    you are the cat’s pajamas and i ‘d just like you to know………..what the fuck do i say?… i dunno i mean…ah fuck…i love you man…..was plato gay?…i hope not.

    richard mchealthy

  5. avatar
    the dean | 1 January 2007 at 9:08 pm #

    Be ye warned the south coast is full up with fuckedup tourist too, each towing some obnoxious noise generator, getting ramp rage, dropping in on their fatman mals, enjoying nature by running it over and leaving gargage everywhere.
    But the cunning residence of my ubiquitous bend in the highway have disguised our village with an auto-wreckers and caravan graveyard. As the tourist speed past gaping at the slack jaw yokels
    they totally miss the beauty that is..
    PS I’m off to the Snowies to annoy the locals down there

  6. avatar
    Krissythegroupie | 1 January 2007 at 9:09 pm #

    You sportin’ cowboy hat..yeehaw!

  7. avatar
    syrinx | 1 January 2007 at 9:27 pm #

    Chaps. Assless chaps.

    (Note to self: perhaps rethink that “less self-censoring” resolution.)

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 9:33 pm #

    So that’s what that pic of you in the cowboy hat on myspace is all about, changing teams!…please NOOOOO!
    19 days to go, yay!!
    Love always,

  9. avatar
    captainmission | 1 January 2007 at 9:34 pm #

    ha a great way to start the new year…laughing. happy new year.

  10. avatar
    RichieN | 1 January 2007 at 9:39 pm #

    Very Funny Eskay.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 9:59 pm #

    I like Priest = Aura (if that is any consolation) too….very funny one today and I liked how it rewarded long time readers of your blog. Keep up the good work. Also, be sure to check your paypal for another monthly payment! A great value.

    ed in fl

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 10:18 pm #

    sk, if you’re gonna impress them you’ll have to remember her sisters name too! funny stuff.

    ps nye – wild red hibiscus flowers in red syrup that you drop into your champagne and then eat – prettyexotic and yum but maybe dragon syrup could’ve upped the pleasure

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 10:20 pm #

    Out In the Paddock With Our Hoes…now if that ain’t a Keef Urbane C&W ditty I don’t know what is…

  14. avatar
    sparkli sista | 1 January 2007 at 10:28 pm #


    Funny start to the year, Killbee!

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 10:33 pm #

    See Sk
    you gotta work on your dosee doe’s
    and two-step-knee-slaps
    then both mankid and keethy will be
    infatuated with your country dreamboat croonin
    great career change..
    Oh yeah,
    Nice Dragon surfing
    Had some smurf house tea lastnight
    very pleasant, good vibrations
    nothing wild
    good reciprocations
    its great to be here
    hope you get your loot
    saddle up killer
    click them heels

    peace, jaime r

  16. avatar
    geenunn | 1 January 2007 at 10:38 pm #

    killbee/urbane… hmmm has a ring to it?

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 10:41 pm #

    Good riddance 2006!
    SK you lost loved ones, me olde mate t had a shocker and I scrapped through, dodging bullets, with a few bruises. We lost Grant, Steve, Brockie, Belinda and the olde sex machine himself, to mention but a few.

    I hope we ALL have a great 2007.

    Lots of love,
    Lady Di

  18. avatar
    Samosanx | 1 January 2007 at 10:43 pm #

    Funny thing I was thinking about prostitution for a living yesterday as well …. I went to a hotel for lunch and said to my grilfriend if any old men try and pick us up I’m gonna tell them I’m a working girl on public holiday. She laughed and asked “but what’s your price then?”. I said 500 bucks! No kissing and no eye contact, just like Tomcruise and Prince.

    Forget keethy and mank…..get ParisHoHilton to pay you a million bucks to hang out with you for the day …or record a duet! apparently she craves credibility.

    I am back to work today; yeah, one of them!

    But I am driving a Range Rover for two weeks if it’s any consolation.

    kiss kiss bang bang

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 January 2007 at 10:45 pm #

    Dear Steve,

    Happy 2007!

    Hope all your dreams come true this year.

    Love t
    x x x

  20. avatar
    ANTONIA mankid | 1 January 2007 at 11:09 pm #

    It’s ANTONIA……dammit!
    Not Livinia!

  21. avatar
    mandn | 1 January 2007 at 11:38 pm #

    Day 2?

    not here, yet. There’s still time to change the outcome Orpheus.

    tell me, what happens on Day 5?


  22. avatar
    ambnt1 | 1 January 2007 at 11:44 pm #


    I think you is still trippin’ dude! Better lay off the “dragons” for awhile!!


    n.p. Ozzy Osbourne, “Diary of a Madman” (hey aren’t we allowed a few guilty pleasures?)

  23. avatar
    Dragon you down | 1 January 2007 at 11:52 pm #

    The name of the new Urban/Kilbey project is:

    “Uninvited by Large Crowds.” The tour will commence in a small bar in Sydney and wind up at The Outhouse Saloon in Sacramento, California.

  24. avatar
    dig | 2 January 2007 at 12:33 am #

    Happy New Year (bit late I know)SK!

    Wasn’t Paris down at your pool in Bondi the other day and paid a million just for going for a swim?

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2007 at 1:28 am #

    Your eyes are gray blue
    Like the heavens above
    Talk to me Stevie
    With a message of luurrve.

    Not long now, & don’t toy with me boy.

    CH xx

  26. avatar
    damien | 2 January 2007 at 1:29 am #

    I laughed out loud at this one, SK!

    You’re probably right, though. Keef probably is a Church fan.

    I reckon if this scenario ever was to happen, and you were invited to collaborate with Keef, you should do it if the cheque is big enough.

    Imagine SK and KU doing a duet like James Reyne and James Blundell did with ‘Way Out West’!

    I think I’m getting a bit carried away now. . . . lol

    Hilton/Kilbey sounds like a much better pop outfit!

  27. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 2 January 2007 at 1:56 am #

    A very funny one today Killer!

  28. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 2 January 2007 at 2:01 am #

    The blogosphere is doubling every five-and-a-half months, according to United States blog tracker Technorati. About 75,000 new blogs emerge each day, and 43 million blogs have been set up worldwide.

  29. avatar
    Belfrank | 2 January 2007 at 3:55 am #

    Most amusing Blog in a while Killa – mucho better than yesterday’s.
    Will catch up on my paypal arrears soon my bro – you’re worth it.
    Just be sure to spend it on the Bumper and the Doodles.
    Happy New Year and I’ll leave you another voicemail soon.

  30. avatar
    JJ | 2 January 2007 at 4:19 am #

    First blogge I read of the newly-hatched year, straight out of the egg…..funny stuff. Happy Newly Year to ya.

  31. avatar
    CSTCoach | 2 January 2007 at 4:54 am #

    Hmm… What have you been smoking?…

    Then again, Till The Cows Come Home was pretty cool.

    As long as this isn’t a brokeback, angry cowboy sorta thing…


  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2007 at 5:01 am #

    happy new year from brazil

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2007 at 5:18 am #

    Friends staying at Potato Point, NSW. Keith & Nic really truly there, papparazzi (sp???) everywhere. Whatta weird way to live.

    Is everyone who works somewhere a ‘straight’? Arts organisations, teachers, healers, educators, social change agents…..?

    Back at work at me lovely non-profit org today, bent as ever.

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2007 at 5:29 am #

    Hello Veleska? I hope you and your daughter have a great 2007, never mind the bollockers 🙂

  35. avatar
    ben | 2 January 2007 at 6:05 am #

    you had me imagining the whole bit,.. its fixed. and loved the line, no one can believe my good luck true painter of words, thanks for all the time u spend each day as a fan to a fan. peace and love

  36. avatar
    ben | 2 January 2007 at 6:31 am #

    o yea, seen a movie with nick cave and others called im your man, its about leonard cohen. great find if ya care, personally one of my favorite songwriters.

  37. avatar
    fantasticandy | 2 January 2007 at 7:51 am #

    ride em’ cowboy,fer ev’ry penny y’all can git!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! luv,andy L.

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2007 at 8:18 am #


  39. avatar
    kat | 2 January 2007 at 9:28 am #

    lmao ! 😉

  40. avatar
    daniel 30, 4 | 2 January 2007 at 10:47 am #

    very futuristic indeed

  41. avatar
    matthew | 2 January 2007 at 12:00 pm #

    day 2! o timebeing, are we gonna get to day 5? am i finally gonna get to pull on my suit, and exit quietly, followed by reverb? (“out in the paddock with our hoes at the crack of day”… cool, funny stuff man & happy new yee-ha by the way)

  42. avatar
    Daberhasher | 2 January 2007 at 12:42 pm #

    eek! thy bane u r!!!
    apparently Paris is already in the mix, who better to play the ho
    in the paddock…

    but the blog numbers WOULD go up…
    however, for that demographic you would need to write the whole thing in txt msg lingo……

    L8R SK8R,


  43. avatar
    restaurant mark | 2 January 2007 at 1:15 pm #

    man, i tell ya…the next time i see ya, if you have on tight wrangler jeans, snakeskin boots, and a ten gallon stetson hat i’m gonna think you and keethy got it all worked out. and remember, we’ve already talked about the tractor fucking!!! go easy…

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2007 at 1:18 pm #

    New year?
    New blah.
    Celebrate it?
    Celebrate anything…er…why?
    I ignore birthdays, xmas, anniversaries, ‘special’ occasions.
    Can’t see the point.
    My dad was a coal miner, my mum cleaned pub toilets. I got into university and hauled in a 1st.
    “Ooh you must be so proud”…erm, whay? Didn’t go to the graduation.
    Got funding to do a Masters degree and got a distinction. Didn’t go the graduation for that either.
    Celebrations, marking occasions, whatever you want to call it – what’s the point?

  45. avatar
    eek | 2 January 2007 at 1:40 pm #

    anon at 12:18

    because it’s fun.

  46. avatar
    veleska1970 | 2 January 2007 at 4:54 pm #

    **doubled-over laughing**

    thanks for the giggle. a good start for my “lazy straight job” day.

    i think a kilbey-urban collaboration would be the cat’s meow. i can almost hear the applause of the grand ole opry audience now….

    lotza love…..

  47. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 2 January 2007 at 4:55 pm #

    Keefy now, Dwight Yoakam next.

    Hey, good luck with the play, it’s soon, innit?

  48. avatar
    veleska1970 | 2 January 2007 at 5:08 pm #

    to anon 4:29 pm~~sorry about my absence of late….my bedroom in my apartment flooded friday when i got home from work (whole lotta rain), and i had to move all my furniture including my computer desk out of the room so the carpet could be replaced. my computer is at the moment in my kitchen, unplugged and disconnected, and has about 3-inches of dust on it.

    yep, you guessed it~~right now i’m here at work, obviously goofing off….


    thanks for the wishes. damp carpet aside, we had a good one. i hope you and yours had a good one, too. as for the “bollockers”~~i feel sorry for him/her. but i wish them well, just the same.

  49. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2007 at 5:11 pm #

    Nevermind “Urban Cowboy”…lookin
    forward to URBAN KILBEY! YEE HAW!!

  50. avatar
    davem | 2 January 2007 at 6:40 pm #

    Oh, the shame of it. Keith Urban?
    I’ve never heard of him. Honest. Sorry! Just looked him up on Google and I’ve still never heard of him.

  51. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2007 at 7:41 pm #







    more cow bell


  52. avatar
    stealthblue | 2 January 2007 at 7:53 pm #

    Hey, ya never know how it could play out…he might ask YOU if you’ll let him work with you and the Chrunch!! Actually, in all honesty, Keith’s record is in fact pretty good…considering it’s maintream, big money pushing, big star-collaborating source. Actually, you SHOULD write a tune for him, if that could work for you…if that is what you would even really want to do. I know he’s pals with Richard Marx (songwriting machine from Chicago, worked with hard-rockers to pretty boy/girl-bands, and lots of solo artists )and had him co-write some of the album. Undoubtedly Mr. Marx has made most of his pretty pennies from doing that sort of thing, but he’s also come a long way in his own musical right. I know a lot of folks think he’s “cheesy” because he wrote those “80s songs”- “Don’t Mean Nothing” and “Endless Summer Nights”, but I have had the pleasure of meeting him a couple of times and he’s really a nice hard-working, family guy-kind of like you, but DEFINITELY not as cool 😉 What I am saying is, if he could do it, so can you…only if you would want to collaborate with Keith, you guys would probably get a long great. You know, I think it would be pretty freaking cool if you co-wrote a “country” song…it’s not even real country anymore anyway.

    You know, Steve, regardless of any future collaborations or not, I think you are truly the best little secret out there. If no one knows who you are, then too bad for them, but for those of us that do have the pleasure in knowing you, it is the greatest blessing. You know something else…I would be willing to bet that MORE people know who the Church are than perhaps even you think. Of course, most folks, the first thing out of their mouth when I mention The Church is “Oh yeah, that ‘UTMW’ song…that band ROCKS!” That is when I step in and “bring then up to speed.” There is no doubt that I am a “Soldier of The Church” as I know for a fact that there are a few fine folks that have gone and spent their mulla on a record or two of the Choich, based on my recommendations!!! That feels pretty good to turn folks onto REAL music, no??

    Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, New Year’s Eve, my wife and I were on the way to a party at her friends’ home in a pretty affluent neighborhood. Now, most of the people there we have known for some time, but as great as most of them can be, they are still on a different plane of living, thinking, breathing, etc and there have been other occasions in hanging out with those same folks that I have felt “slightly out of my element”( a hippy in a sea of straights), mainly just feeling insecure in my “social/financial standing” etc…which is just a load of bollocks anyway right??? I mean, I am who I am and if they don’t dig…to bad. But they do and they are in fact good people, very good to us, etc. Anyway, this was for me, the 3rd night of partying and I was feeling a bit tired and even kind of grumpy, not too thrilled about schmoozing, or even drinking anymore for that matter! So I am trying to pull myslf together, to get in there and pull a Happy face and well, basically just hang in there until midnight! As we are pulling on to their street…what comes on the radio??? REPTILE!!! Thank God!! That made my night, and I swear to God, just turned my mood right around in a flash, man. That was cool and I would say a good omen. I went in to that house, had a great time…great way to bring in the year!! Cool, eh? Wishing you all da best, my brudda frum anudda mudda…

    Much love to you and the family of Killer-bees…
    Ben V.

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