posted on December 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm

and we've all known hurt

the week started terribly when i found out our kate had passed away

no more big smiles

too soon too soon

i hate that thing when you cry and your throat starts to ache

kate i know you can read this

craig told me you had starfish with you when you went

that kinda makes me so happy and so sad

i dont know whats going on here

i hope things are calm and peaceful somewhere else

my life hurtles into turbulence it surrounds me

running from shadows

last night we played the enmore theatre in syd

we were good they say

feel free to write a review here

i’m sorry the meet n greet was unsatisfactory

i’m a bit exhausted and i just put my heart n soul into it

i shouldnt be meeting anyone

i need to walk in the warm darkness outside

i want to know if the children are asleep yet

the rocknroll has poured outta me just as it poured in

i’m just any-old bloke whose a bit dopey

no point in meeting me

ive done my thing and  ive had enough

but i’m sorry if it didnt work out for some reason

i’m sorry if someone was rude

i had spent all afternoon there trying to get it right

we have just driven back from newcastle

i have some more personal argy bargy in my life

i have some things to contend with

the creative side of me is outraged by the drain on resources

i am out of balance

last night i call on an energy to animate me

and it does not fail to arrive

i feel like i could levitate into the air

it has finally happened anyway whatever it is

too late but better than never

we just laid 30 odd top notch songs on the audience

i allow the music to flow thru me i dont grasp at it anymore

i have no message for the audience

i dont know what i’m doing

i’m reflecting something out there

some idea that is so vague and powerful

we did a good show

whatever we ever hoped to achieve surely we did last night

sure some ninny is gonna give us a bad review its inevitable

they dont like my interpretive dance whatever that is

i just do what that thing tells me to do

sometimes it tells me to dance because some music is for dancing

the characters in the songs animate one after another

its all so deliciously easy i mean i’m not even trying

i mustnt try …trying is the worse

i gotta be in it jump in boots n all i suppose

or risk hurting myself even more

last night i moved closer to invoking the thing

when it comes it takes care of everything

can you believe i’m saying the thing is playing and singing me

anyway being a good frontman dont solve no personal problems

the world is still out there

i am in conflict as i always have been

there cannot be the energy without the conflict i see that now

its weird to be a geezer that some think is the bees knees

whilst others think is the worst guy in  the world

i am actually neither but you already knew that

its a pity its so confusing

isnt it ?

 

 

 

 

85 Responses to “days to confuse”

  1. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 18 December 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    I am very saddened by this. I had some lovely blog exchanges with Kate and as one or all will tell you, we all feel like one big family, truly a part of something. I am deeply saddened for those that she left behind so wrongly before her time. Her ‘nickname’ was truly the soul of here extension. She emitted happiness and hope. I am so sorry for you Steve and for all that knew here well, the afterlife just received an ambassador for love, hope, and the brilliance that a big smile can and shall illuminate.

    Darrin

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 18 December 2011 at 4:48 pm #

      And I can review ya from thous lands of miles away and wasn’t even at the show.
      The greatest RnR band on the planet this very day…killed it- another night of perfection. Fuck the moronic ninnies : you’ve got dance and performance skills that are unmatched. An off night for the church is better than the best night for any other band. And fulfilling the task at hand with a heavy heart is all but nerve wrenching.

      I hope the present moment your in only gets better.

      AsALways,
      Darrin

  2. avatar
    Shoffy | 18 December 2011 at 5:07 pm #

    So sorry to hear about Kate, so much sadness lately. My thoughts and wishes to her family and friends, Shoffy

  3. avatar
    Speedy | 18 December 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    top notch doesn’t begin to describe it… the gig was fabulous for so many reasons, one of them being that you all looked like you were really, really enjoying the moment. you all move from strength to strength in your music and in your performing. there is nothing better than seeing someone living their craft, it always results in something special.

    I loved watching you smile into the audience and up into the heavens as you sang, especially songs like Swan Lake and Kings. it really was all moving through you, and in the past year or so it’s looked like a floodgate has opened. can’t hold it back…

    we stayed for a little while afterwards for the meet’n’greet but then decided that if we were tired and emotional, it must be a hundredfold for you guys. eventually one day, I’ll harrass you to personalise the signed programme… but mostly I hope that you all enjoy the rest of your gigs and keep being what and who you are. an audience can’t ask for more.

  4. avatar
    Crasher | 18 December 2011 at 5:53 pm #

    sorry for your loss steve.
    i’ll be there at the forum..for the show, that’s all.
    no doubt there will be a drunken ignorant yobbo or yobbess or three
    making a dickhead of themselves..they anger me too.
    it won;t be me or my friends…it’s the music man.
    and seeing the church is always (better than) nirvana.

  5. avatar
    That girl | 18 December 2011 at 5:53 pm #

    Ccnfusion is called life and that’s were we live. We only get to go around once,some of us learn this way to late in life.Today will end with all it’s good, the bad and the ugly. Tomorrow is fresh and we get to start all over again not to shabby. Go with your heart in the long run everyone wins! PS today was so shite for me but TOMORROW hummm

  6. avatar
    KMG | 18 December 2011 at 5:57 pm #

    Steve, you bring up some names from my hazy past. Very sorry to hear that she’s gone. In my memory, she was a smart lady with words worth reading and I suppose if someone can say that for me when I’m gone, then I will be a happy ghost.

    its weird to be a geezer that some think is the bees knees

    I recall once I had this little silly SK fan site, when I was just a kid and trying out my newfound HTML skills. I got a comment in the guestbook from one of your pre-teen girls (Miranda, maybe?) and she said that it was so strange to see a whole site about how great your music and poetry is, when in her mind you were just “Dad.” I always wondered if she came to understand that creative admiration as she got older, you know, imagining the perspective of someone who didn’t know you at all. I also recall someone once trying to drag me backstage, going, “Come on, you did this whole website about him, let’s go try to meet him!” and I declined, because I always had a problem knowing what to say to strangers. Just because you admire someone’s creative work, that doesn’t mean you know them personally.

    Anyway, I missed you guys the last time you were in San Francisco, so I do hope you make it back this way again.

    A thing I just recalled, but don’t remember who said it, “No statues were ever sculpted for critics.”

  7. avatar
    William Jones | 18 December 2011 at 6:14 pm #

    Great concert Steve. And Friday night too. I’ve often wondered just what I would say if I met you or the rest of the band, so don’t worry. The aura was rippling, there’s no reason to be sad. I hope I do meet you one day, who knows?

  8. avatar
    meghan | 18 December 2011 at 6:28 pm #

    I met you once backstage in DC in 1990 and you very kindly put me on the list to see you in NY the following evening and me and a carful of my friends drove up. We did this because we are moved by you, present tense, still moved by you and whatever it is that flows through you into us. That’s all you should be concerned about, that you keep those channels open. As a musician myself and having received the good and the bad reviews, you have to let it go and remember that you didn’t do it for them. You do it for the muse, for the channel, for the force from out there and when it comes and “takes care of everything”, you know you’re onto something. After 30 or so years of listening to the particular sounds and noises that you make, I’m still enamored and inspired by you, old geezer. Stop fretting about the bullshit and let the force come through. with love.

  9. avatar
    meghan | 18 December 2011 at 6:30 pm #

    I met you once backstage in DC in 1990 and you very kindly put me on the list to see you in NY the following evening and me and a car ful of my friends drove up. We did this because we are moved by you, present tense, still moved by you and whatever it is that flows through you into us. That’s all you should be concerned about, that you keep those channels open. As a musician myself and having received the good and the bad reviews, you have to let it go and remember that you didn’t do it for them. You do it for the muse, for the channel, for the force from out there and when it comes and “takes care of everything”, you know you’re onto something. After 30 or so years of listening to the particular sounds and noises that you make, I’m still enamored and inspired by you, old geezer. Stop fretting about the bullshit and let the force come through. with love.

  10. avatar
    Nick Peters | 18 December 2011 at 6:50 pm #

    So sorry to hear that your friend has passed away.
    I was at the Enmore last night and it was amazing. I’m not a massive fan of the interpretive dance BUT performance-wise those songs where you put down your instrument were some of the best songs of the night – utterly compelling. It’s like they are a separate subset of Church songs. Please just keep following your muse, it doesn’t appear to have led you astray. I had the good fortune of speaking to someone who was seeing the band for the first time and it made me articulate something that I’ve been nurturing at the back of my mind for a while – namely that The Church are at the peak of their powers as a creative force and a live band – what times these are for a fan to be living in!

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 December 2011 at 6:59 pm #

    wow sweetheart
    sorry it’s just the first word that jumped out — guess it’s a good thing i’m not signed in because how dare i…
    no convoluted verbal streams mind’s too tired
    only a warm blind dumb hug
    the most immediate visceral reaction
    the inner mother to comfort the aching soul
    if only you could feel that

  12. avatar
    foolonthehill | 18 December 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    Steve,
    The earth is in transformation physically and spiritually
    I think your not alone with how you feel.

    You Guys Friggin rocked last night!
    Ripple tore the place apart.

    Your performance was very powerful,
    so much so my son who is 14 loved your show (Disillusionist) in particular.
    you now have a new fan.

    Thanks for showing us your heart and soul.

    Go well good man!

  13. avatar
    Starflower | 18 December 2011 at 7:10 pm #

    Dearest Steve,
    My heart goes out to you on the loss of your dear Kate. I like that Kate had Starfish with her. Loss = Pain = Hope.
    I had no idea of what you were suffering personally last night at The Enmore. I knew though you were channelling some amazing divine energy right there on the stage. No mean feat, three fantastic hours, three amazing albums. I loved all your dance and theatrical moves. The music was powerful, passionate, throbbing, woven, genuine, sensual, desiring, warm, aware, uncharted, charted, motivated, directional, fluid, organic, conscious, alive and eternal. I could go on. The best band with an incredible body of work, sound and light… I love The Church! Enjoyed every song. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    I think you know you’re successful when each person in the audience (especially me) believes that you were singing to them personally. Well I can dream! I think you’re the bees knees. You always crack the code of my heart.
    I hope this makes you feel better. Treasure your presence on Planet Earth.
    Love always,
    Starly xxx

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 19 December 2011 at 8:52 am #

      thank you starly
      i sing my songs and if anyone feels i’m sing just for them THEN I AM!!!!

  14. avatar
    Umberto Ledfooti | 18 December 2011 at 7:49 pm #

    To hell with ‘the critics’ say; that Enmore show last night was fantastic. My partner has never seen The Church live before and she enjoyed the gig, as did I.
    The problem with ‘meet and greets’ is that (I guess) people have expectations of other people – thinking back to your post some time ago about meeting tv and hanging out with him. People subconsciously expect their heroes to be nice guys all the time… but, hey; our heroes are just human beings too – just like you, the readers, and me. All of us can get tired, and short-tempered, and… well, whatever.
    Especially after being hard at work for three hours.
    Or after having friends pass away.
    Anyone who’s been in the public eye knows this. Those who haven’t, well…
    That said, you’re only responsible for your say and do, not what others say and do.
    So… I guess what I’m trying to say is that formal ‘meet and greet’ sessions personally aren’t my thing; I love the music, and I know all I need to know about you and the other guys from the music. Even this interaction via internet malarkey is boarding on the ‘too close for comfort’ side of things for me; it’s preferable for me to keep a little distance between you, the artist and me, a viewer… and thus helps to preserve the magic of the art in the eye in which I’m doing the beholding.

    And from where I did the beholding last night, the art was awesome.
    Thank you Steve; it was a great gig… and at least one old fan (and one new fan after last night) are looking forwards to the zoo show in January.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 December 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    dance and beautiful… that’s what its there for. Hope you and our family and everyone at the timebeing and readers everywhere have a lovely loved holiday… and beauty and peace and let it drift [us all] from the argy bargy… into wonder.

    onward to a pilgrimage looking far into a desert night sky — until the New Year, I wish everyone peace and love and dance! I’m going to be out under the brightest stars… dancing under them every night with the wind… and then a friend in Utah said if I could make it out there, he knows a cliff… he’ll teach me how to hang glide with the snow falling… uh-oh! here goes!

    my best and Merry Christmas to everyone… take care of yourselves and have pretty stories to bring back for Big Smile Kate… god bless, she will always be so pretty.

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 December 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    oops i hit the button twice and was alerted there was detection of a dupe, please fix if you can… thank you. again, merry Christmas… have a lovely one.

  17. avatar
    Melissa | 18 December 2011 at 8:12 pm #

    dear sk, i have always been a huge fan of your interperative dancing, and I am fairly certain that Kate would of been, too, god bless her xx

    also, please disgruntled Church fans, give the fella’s a break. Don’t take it personally, maybe someone was just having a fuckin crappy day. Just think of what it must be like to have a whole bunch of people surrounding you. I am never actually that comfortable meeting my ‘hero’s’… I always feel so awkward and dorky and keenly aware of invading people’s personal space. Just enjoy the awesome music… anything else is just a bonus.

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 19 December 2011 at 8:49 am #

      love on you as always beautiful mm

    • avatar
      Anonymous | 19 December 2011 at 1:32 pm #

      “I always feel so awkward and dorky and keenly aware of invading people’s personal space” — great comment, Melissa! that’s exactly how i feel… privacy is priceless, and fans would do better by respecting it…
      this reminded me… many years ago patrick of the black keys was giving a drumstick to the audience right after the gig and so many hands reached for it — but turned out he was aiming for my daughter i think because she was the youngest — he insisted on giving it to her — and the looks on some people’s faces, good lord… it was kind of awkward because i absolutely didn’t mean to draw attention to us…
      and what’s with all this greedy take, take, take? where is the giving?
      though i do know some church fans who are givers, not just takers…

  18. avatar
    Michel | 18 December 2011 at 9:12 pm #

    “i shouldnt be meeting anyone
    i need to walk in the warm darkness outside”

    Not to play the devil’s advocate but it seems you don’t enjoy touring anymore…
    If you stop playing live gigs it won’t be a problem as long as you keep making music for us (I think most of us will agree with that).
    Music is the most important.
    Live gigs are often disappointing (waiting and standing up for hours, annoying neighbours, smokes of strange substances, not a good sound, Andy-Partridge-kinds of leaving stage, idiot frontman like Chris Bailey badly behaving with Marty, unsatisfying meeting with artists but can you blame them for being tired ?).
    Music is seldom disappointing.
    If you don’t want this anymore (enmore ?), then stop it.
    True fans will accept it.

    • avatar
      Michel | 20 December 2011 at 10:38 pm #

      Sorry for this message. In light of the other messages, I feel it is inappropriate considering the loss of a beloved person. My profession makes me unfortunately so accustomed to death that I can appear as very unsensitive sometimes.
      Have a good rest after this australian tour.

  19. avatar
    Blessed Wild Applegirl | 18 December 2011 at 9:18 pm #

    I am sorry to hear of the passing of your dear friend. I was at your Lizottes gig on thurs night enjoying the show being transported elsewhere through the beautiful combination of the guitars then suddenly half way through metropolis tears began to flow and flow, I tried to contain the sorrow but the gates had been opened. ( I lost two of my dear Aunt’s this year.) All i could do was watch and i believed you were channelling ( sorry sounds a bit hippish). I was convinced that u knew the answers about the otherside. I dont know maybe u dont? But whatever it is that ur in touch with .. an amazing creative drive, a will to express..whatever it is it’s amazing and inspiring and In your own darkest hours know how you have touched the deepest places of others xx

  20. avatar
    davem | 18 December 2011 at 9:43 pm #

    Oh Kate. That’s so sad.
    xxxxxxxxxxx

  21. avatar
    Heather Daydream | 18 December 2011 at 9:52 pm #

    Big Smiles Kate? Noooo…. My condolences to all those who love her. I feel sure she is smiling at you now Stephen.

  22. avatar
    eekie | 18 December 2011 at 10:16 pm #

    “there cannot be the energy without the conflict i see that now”

    I’ve long thought you and the band seem to thrive on adversity and strife. You seem to be able to wrangle the most electrifying shows and the most sublime albums out of some of the most difficult circumstances. I think a certain amount of conflict gives you drive, but it’s a fine line and too much can become overwhelming. So I’m hoping the chaos in your life is soon reduced to a level which enables you to create spectacular art without driving you too far around the bend.

  23. avatar
    Stewart | 18 December 2011 at 10:19 pm #

    A few days ago I browsed some of your early archives. In an early blog you referred to feeling mortal. This stood out for me because I have a song called ‘Mortal Tonight’. Today’s blog comes with mortal undertones and I empathise. It feels a bit wanky to do this (especially here) and feel free to moderate this post into the abyss (please do if I’m out of line), but here are some lyrics that seem fitting:

    My head is in my hands but I don’t quite feel myself
    I don’t want to be taken down nor left upon the shelf
    Too mad to say I’m wrong, too sane to say I’m right
    Yeah, I’m feeling kind of mortal tonight

    [Ch] Feeling kind of mortal tonight
    Feeling kind of mortal tonight
    There’s no time like the right time and the time that’s left is right
    But I’m feeling kind of mortal tonight

    My life flashed before my eyes but I’d seen that one before
    As I stepped from my disguise I found myself wanting more
    My heart feels kind of heavy but my head is feeling light
    Yeah, I’m feeling kind of mortal tonight…

    The sun has cracked its shell and spilt across the west
    I have escaped from hell by being self-possessed
    I’ve danced upon my ego’s grave and I’ve seen the mystic light
    But I’m feeling kind of mortal tonight…

    Anyway, I appreciate what you share. I like the rush of your intense imagery and wordplay but your open expressions of mortality convey something special.

  24. avatar
    Jon F | 18 December 2011 at 10:20 pm #

    Jesus Steve that is a powerful one. You bared a lot.

  25. avatar
    Narelle | 18 December 2011 at 10:22 pm #

    sorry to hear your week started with the loss of a friend…Kate
    last nights concert was every thing and more…perfect in every way
    if you didn’t make it to the meet and greet…surely you are entitled to make that decision…for whatever reason
    rest up…if you can…theres bound to be some very happy souls awaiting the next show

  26. avatar
    Ramón | 18 December 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    Hi, Steve Kilbey. It feels moving to see an admired and loved star writing such fragile sentiments. I am sure that many persons love you like I do for all that you have already given to the world. Everything that you do is welcome because your talent has a universal appeal. Thank you so much for your work. A big hug from Galicia, Spain.

    Ramón Torrado “xensboy”

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 December 2011 at 10:37 pm #

    I loved Untitled #23 the most. This surprised me as it’s the album I’m least familiar with. I suppose because the album is very ‘now’ I could, by the way of things, fully invoke myself in it – it’s incredibly majestic, and quite diverse too. Priest was viscerally powerful and raw. Yet Starfish made me feel a little sad, even apprehensive. Starfish is one of those 2-3 albums that, having had discovered at that crucial age of 17 or 18, has permeated into my being. It is an album of utterly familiarity to me. Perhaps the times were no more ‘magic’ in 1988 when I was 18 than they are today, but to me it certainly feels that way despite that I’m a far more together person now than I was back then. To hear Starfish live was to realise that 23, 24 years have moved in a flash and I wonder where has this time gone to, where has the ‘magic’ disappeared to?? Now is not then and ‘then’ seemed to be more of an innocent time-period; ‘seemed’ is the operative word and I realise its impossible to be objective when you look back at yourself at how you remember life to be at 18.

    There is great freshness and majesty to the Starfish album and it’s undoubtedly at the apex of international 80s rock, erm, ie at the very very top of the tree.

    But, loved it! 🙂 Wonderful to see the band and that you guys are still making/performing miraculous music as you’ve always done. Long may you continue!

    Much love and respect.

  28. avatar
    VersaVice | 18 December 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    I know that life’s troubles make a person crawl into a shell. And I have a few times. But to imagine performing on stage during those moments! I don’t know how you do it. Would seem the best of it would be writing a song or two, and perhaps in this instance, blogging works for you. Writing is a subtle but pure release. Take care, keep tapping the source.

  29. avatar
    redgrevillea | 18 December 2011 at 10:42 pm #

    I loved Untitled #23 the most. This surprised me as it’s the album I’m least familiar with. I suppose because the album is very ‘now’ I could, by the way of things, fully invoke myself in it – it’s incredibly majestic, and quite diverse too. Priest was viscerally powerful and raw. Yet Starfish made me feel a little sad, even apprehensive. Starfish is one of those 2-3 albums that, having had discovered at that crucial age of 17 or 18, has permeated into my being. It is an album of utterly familiarity to me. Perhaps the times were no more ‘magic’ in 1988 when I was 18 than they are today, but to me it certainly feels that way despite that I’m a far more together person now than I was back then. To hear Starfish live was to realise that 23, 24 years have moved in a flash and I wonder where has this time gone to, where has the ‘magic’ disappeared to?? Now is not then and ‘then’ seemed to be more of an innocent time-period; ‘seemed’ is the operative word and I realise its impossible to be objective when you look back at yourself at how you remember life to be at 18.

    There is great freshness and majesty to the Starfish album and it’s undoubtedly at the apex of international 80s rock, erm, ie at the very very top of the tree.

    But, loved it! 🙂 Wonderful to see the band and that you guys are still making/performing miraculous music as you’ve always done. Long may you continue!

    Much love and respect.

  30. avatar
    . | 19 December 2011 at 12:10 am #

    a beautiful soul goes back to the Beginning
    where there are no hours or mortal minutes
    and every moment is wonderful, can you sense it
    the absolute perfection therein, how i imagine
    a blessed reunion of old friends and relatives
    who were never, ever too far away in spirit
    comfort all those who mourn and may they be protected
    by the big smiles of one who now rests in heaven
    peace be with you and have a happy christmas
    as you shine brightly without measure

  31. avatar
    Lara | 19 December 2011 at 12:24 am #

    So sorry to hear about Kate; she seemed a generous soul.

    You sound tired, but bear in mind that vulnerability is an achievement too.

    Much love,

    L.

    • avatar
      matthew | 20 December 2011 at 12:32 am #

      Gee Lara, I appreciated that statement in this moment. Thanks.

  32. avatar
    Jesiah6 | 19 December 2011 at 12:29 am #

    Sorry for your loss.

    I saw the Future Past Perfect tour and it was one of the best times of my life. To hell with the bad reviews or people who think you’re the worst.
    They don’t matter anyway. Those people come and go. It’s the people who love your music, your “interpretive dance” and your creative energy that matter. I’m sure those people had the time of their life at the show.

  33. Jmb066
    Jmb066 | 19 December 2011 at 12:52 am #

    Steve,

    Sorry for your loss, I am sure it makes being on the road tougher. Being away from your family is always difficult. I truly wish you could enjoy The Church and the positive attention you and the band are getting right now and have your personal life be at a mutual high point. The reviews and interviews have been fantastic, in fact your brother just left a nice post on facebook about your show last night. I know the show in Chicago, 3 of my fave albums was my concert going highpoint and I say dance away sir, you made the dissillusionist come to life and I will never hear that song the same again. When I hear it now I hear the live version you played, danced and put your magic into, always liked the song now I love it becuase of your performance. When I met you in Chicago you were exhasuted and rightfully so, I know you had some personal conflicts then and wish I could of lifted your spirits the way you had lifted mine. For those with negative comments on your performance well fuck em, their loss.

    Take care of yourself and hang in there, I know you will find the balance you are looking for, you have not quit yet and are very determined individual and if anyone can make it happen its you.

    Jason

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 19 December 2011 at 12:04 pm #

      Great comment Jason, simple – direct- and correct.
      Very Nice- Have a great Holiday.

      Darrin K.

      • avatar
        Anonymous | 20 December 2011 at 8:49 am #

        Happy Holidays to you as well Darrin, I know you were also at the show and know what I mean.

        Take Care,

        Jason

  34. avatar
    bc | 19 December 2011 at 1:56 am #

    “invoking the thing”

    sorry for loss 🙁

  35. avatar
    JW | 19 December 2011 at 2:06 am #

    Crowley said in terms of creating music ‘Invoke often and enflame thyself in Prayer!’.
    That’s all One can do and then just get out of the Way and trust the source, the it, the thing.
    You? You’re just a Hu-Man Being with extremes and balances who has the invocational ability to create ‘objective art’.
    Living up to the Word and ideas you bring through is whole other station or level of Work. It doesn’t end
    and there is some responsibility toward that.

    I am really sorry for yet another loss. Moksha’s father is very close to passing right now from bone cancer too. She’s up in Canada with him right now and I’m in Florida with my folks. It’s a weird short life. I and We Love you lots.

  36. avatar
    veleska1970 | 19 December 2011 at 2:34 am #

    **hugs**

  37. avatar
    Chank | 19 December 2011 at 5:16 am #

    Driving now from chicago to zacatecas mexico and reading you, steve. Starfish was a great moment for me to experience last year in feb at the church show. I was laughing on the train last week thinking about your thousand bucks for a tune idea. Talk about confidence marrying commercialism and cutting the middleman. Keep writing and living man. Sorry to hear about her.

  38. avatar
    Geoff Starkey | 19 December 2011 at 7:22 am #

    Steve, I was at the Enmore concert and it was wonderful. I know we all clap to show our appreciation, but it is something more than that………there is a Persian saying that goes along the lines > my heart is small but when you are with me my heart is larger; The Church on Saturday were touching hearts.
    Thank you for continuing
    Geoff

  39. avatar
    andy | 19 December 2011 at 7:44 am #

    oh my….
    what a painful read.
    i thought kate was winning.
    perhaps she did.
    life is indeed a conundrum.
    wasn’t she a lovely lass?
    way more than a fan.
    this news, and of course your outpouring of your own feelings here has left
    me feeling very sad today killer.
    love on ya brother,
    and to everyone touched by loss or personal hurt.
    what a dud of a day.

  40. avatar
    brett dean | 19 December 2011 at 7:49 am #

    the show was fabulous. the performance the best I’ve seen, Steven is in the best form of this career. To perform albums in their entirety was a delight, no shuffle play, the real thing as it is. The added bonus of a trainspotters guide to guitars was an added bonus.

  41. avatar
    Karen | 19 December 2011 at 8:16 am #

    sorry about your friend 🙁
    yes your singer great poet & an artist, we all know your still only a human bean
    take care

  42. avatar
    Ingrid | 19 December 2011 at 9:21 am #

    I’m so sorry to hear about Kate, really sad. My condolences go to you and her family. It is a real shame.

  43. avatar
    Ingrid | 19 December 2011 at 9:33 am #

    I couldn’t go to The Enmore on Saturday night (I had every intention of going) but my Dad is in hospital. I know what an amazing night it would have been. Although I missed this great show, the two that I attended were exceptional (as they always are). Keep your chin up as your creative endeavours touch the lives of so many people. I played Mum the new Isadore and she loved it.

    Take care xxx

  44. avatar
    princey | 19 December 2011 at 9:36 am #

    Hello sk, still on an emotional happy high from the weekend, I can’t put into words how brilliant, spectacular, magnificent, fantastic, awesome, sensational, The Church were at The Enmore on Saturday night. I thought the Sydney Opera House show was the “gig-to-end-all-gigs”, but no, The Church are able to even beat that. Everything was SO perfect….the band, the sound, the light show, the venue, the audience…. I couldn’t have wished for anything more to make it such a special and perfect Church experience. 🙂

    And no sk, the fans weren’t disappointed about you leaving slightly early at the meet’n’greet after the show….I spoke to a few and they totally understand how physically and emotionally tired the band would be after 3 hours of performing, you were there for quite a long time, please don’t feel bad about it.

    I really had to hold back the tears for quite a few songs, songs I haven’t heard you play for so many years, my heart was about to burst at some points, I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack! But I also had to hold back the tears because I thought about our sweet friend Kate, who will be missing out on this, I know how much she was looking forward to it and it breaks my heart that she’s not here…hard to believe 🙁 But I remember that day when you were here in Melbourne, she told me it was one of the best day she ever had in her life and I know she’s taken that memory with her…you meant so much to her sk.

    Thanks for the music and take care,
    love Amanda x

    So, thanks for everything sk, you make so many people happy in this world, that’s realluy

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 19 December 2011 at 3:30 pm #

      dear #1 fan
      thank you ! that was a great day we had with kate
      i will always remember it
      glad i can still impress ya after all this time
      much love
      sk

  45. avatar
    princey | 19 December 2011 at 9:40 am #

    that last line was meant to be deleted!

  46. avatar
    Steven Krut | 19 December 2011 at 9:43 am #

    I’m very sorry about Kate and that you’re having difficulties, Steve. I hope brighter days are headed your way.

  47. avatar
    Alyona | 19 December 2011 at 10:08 am #

    loss is painful in a unique way — we don’t really know what happens and where they go, only hope it’s better than here and now and that the loss is not as final as it seems — because the finality would have been crushing… it terrifies me to think of the grief of the loved ones when it’s my time to go — i’d feel much more for them than for myself… i’m not religious but death doesn’t scare me, and i don’t want them to be sad, but how can it be helped?…

    there will be always people with petty claims, treating a concert like a trip to a supermarket — OMG i paid full price and then i saw the same one on the discount rack!!.. how much does the “meet and greet” cost, exactly? — is that with the sales tax? — do you offer “buy one, get one half price” special? — they ought to be refunded and then advised to not go to the gigs ever again — just stick with the malls.
    steeev
    whatever they say… you are a precious being, you really are, and i already hear a chuckle — what a profound revelation. don’t you worry, i’m well aware of the “arrogant prick” parts, as some people can’t seem to shut up when they get on the subject — but your flaws are of the temper, not of the character. i can’t claim to know you well, but i know something, a few things… the rest builds up from blind intuition, and from reading and listening — like glimpses from a submarine window… some moments are more revealing than may be you realize and mean to, and those voyeur’s trips run the gamut from scary to hilarious to breathtaking, just like your innerscape.

  48. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 19 December 2011 at 12:33 pm #

    I don’t know- I guess I just don’t understand it, this ‘life’ …this holiday season built on the theory of spreading joy and good cheer to all but it always seems to be the time when life spins out of control, uncontrollable. We try do our best to live our lives thru our children or other family and well, we try. Everything becomes to feel awkward, out of place. Our surroundings are decorated with shimmer, silver and gold but we feel emptiness …the holes in our hearts become to much and overwhelm the day, the night. Than the holiday passes us by so fast and we try to remember what made this holiday season more memorable than the last, or when we were once all children…the best.
    Lives instructions and training manuals have become difficult to interpt. I pray for you, for everyone on here, for my family …my children.
    I pray for all of this to become easier for each and everyone.
    Life, its heavy and when its weight becomes unbearable- we need each other , we need cannot go at this alone. We all really need to ask for help, offer help, help those unable- help those who have lost their way.
    Life, I just feel off course- I miss those who are gone, I miss myself when I was once someone else. All I can offer is well wishes, condolences, and prayers to each and everyone of you, and of course you Steve.
    May tomorrows sunshine bring clarity and warmth so life feels less …less like, like I really don’t know anymore.

    Darrin K.

  49. avatar
    Once | 19 December 2011 at 1:18 pm #

    And so, I get my “piece of crap” guitar back from the shop, and discover that it is an Alvarez Kasuo Yairi WY1…shit, I was using needle nosed pliers to change the strings…(very bad idea, by the way)…

    And I’ve lost a love who has never written a note, but who had a dream, of his own restaurant, I still have the prototype menu…47 years old, and a young son of 8 left behind.

    I am left to create all that I can, and I am so, so sorry SK for this loss and all the others…each one leaves a different memory and a new scar.

    I love you, and I send you whatever strength I have to carry on.

    Donna

    • avatar
      Once | 19 December 2011 at 1:25 pm #

      And much like my life, I cannot get my picture to go vertical…you’ll just have to tip your head to see me…

      • avatar
        BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 19 December 2011 at 4:00 pm #

        Nice new pix D. I don’t recall and like a detective, traced my steps to where I possibly angered u enough to cause u to erase me. Well, outside of this site we used to as friends, dance with delight and bring glow to late late night fireside chats. If I wronged u, never meant to. I hope happiness always rests at ur doorstep. Grand luck and adventure in thy life and tickle that guitar just rightband it’ll never stop singing…
        Have a great Holiday. Someone commisioned me to brush onto canvas couple pieces similar to the pictures that I sent you so iv been happily busy and I reconnected a a lost diamond gem. Born on the same day, same hospital, same doctote and flaunts her age and wisdom over me of an hour or so. My sweet cousin.

        As

        • avatar
          BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 19 December 2011 at 4:01 pm #

          Always…

          Dazza

          • avatar
            Once | 19 December 2011 at 11:49 pm #

            No wrongs, Daz…just been busy making jewelry (I’ll send ya some pics, or you can see some on Facebook under Din Worthy), and the “day job” has been all-consuming as well…just now getting caught up on the blog, and it’s better than ever, albeit some sad news.

            Grateful as always for those who share on here…

  50. avatar
    CharlieTee7@yahoo.com | 19 December 2011 at 3:46 pm #

    So Sorry for your loss.Two of my band members were killed in 2011.I think I fell for a widow.she wants to play in the band again.she knows.
    sound like song material?

  51. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 December 2011 at 3:53 pm #

    a reality shared (because it is anonymous I can): when you die you are floating and it is light and you levitate above watching everyone until all becomes a crowded floor below you… it is really quite a lovely feeling and there is peace and you are aware of everyone you still love, both on earth and as you are leaving also those gone before, all at once and there is no confusion nor fear. I promise this… I know. I don’t know what comes after that but it is so beautiful “leaving,” I am sure it continues and does so forever.

  52. avatar
    verdelay | 19 December 2011 at 5:55 pm #

    Not my dear Isolt…??

  53. avatar
    CharlieTee7@yahoo.com | 19 December 2011 at 6:18 pm #

    Sorry for the loss of your of your dear friend mate.I lost two band members this year(one in a truck crash,and the other in an accidental fatal police shooting during a suicidal attempt.I’m so mad at him!we were writing creating some kickass tunes! nobody else seemed want to colaberate with me.Dammit Chris WTF man!Now I write as a single first. Time is healer my friend. the pain does fade. Thank you for Some of the most hauntingly beautiful music IV’e been blessed to experience. Good on ya mate.

  54. avatar
    joeline | 20 December 2011 at 10:57 am #

    it so is.
    careful with that energy mister
    aiming for average can sometimes be about acieving excellence (balance)
    Jx

  55. avatar
    captain mission | 20 December 2011 at 11:18 am #

    kate beautiful kate with the kindest of words and the soft gentle love that even i felt in my fortress of solitude…

    it’s taken a while to feel up to writing anything, i needed a little space to formulate my thoughts and words correctly, which i can only apologise for in advance as they will never really capture what an evening it was, i can only attempt to express what a privilege it was to see the church go supernova at the enmore to other readers.

    i’ve wanted to hear ‘dome’ live for many many years, i would have come to the usa shows but for my clusterfuck sabotaging everything i tried to do, so saturday nights sydney show was written in blood for me and imagine my surprise when i found myself sitting next to wild child, fate had indeed bestowed its favours upon me. i took along my oldest friend in sydney whom had gone through a very challenging period, we were both jaded and beaten by a year of constant attacks and weird challenges, both depleted and drained somewhat. you know how it is.

    epic is the word that comes closest to describing the event, the music sounded so perfect, the sound man nailed it. it was the penultimate experience steve, i don’t think it was anything less than perfection, you reached the platonic ideal. the spirit was in the house, i felt it, i know it moved you and carried you but it was reaching us as well, in pure expressive genius, my friend agreed, she felt elevated by the whole performance but then i always thought you was the bees knees.

    i guess the band committed themselves in a way only true artists can, there was no plan b, it’s been a life long dedication and a great work that really seemed to come to one single point a singularity, that was it.
    even your brilliant response to the enthusiastic person who yelled out for ‘hotel womb’ during the u23 part so early on received possibly the best return in the history of the stage, and for those that were not there steve said, quite elegantly, ‘sir, that’s like seeing macbeth and yelling out for the witches. everything has a certain order my friend.’ later during the p = a song ‘witch’ steve said, ‘here are the ‘witches.’
    it was quite a graceful moment i thought.
    marty’s ‘shut up’ towards some rowdy bufoon later in the evening being the equal yet opposite quality, yet perfectly justified and appropriate.

    to me it was the venus de milo of performance art, perfect playing by musicians who are masters of their craft, the nuanced details of deviation and transposing into live playing were quite beautiful, some of those songs sounded so much better live, i was blown away by the attention to detail and the craftsmanship, the way sounds created tones and ambient noises, was incredibly close to painting.
    it was everything i ever wanted, at one point i closed my eyes and felt it just wash over me, it was blissful man moved us to tears of joy, it was dignified and powerful and immersive and above all else it was life affirming but i’m sure not everyone will allow themselves to feel that.
    i thought your dance was great, it crossed the stage from rock concert into mime, interpretative dance and performance qualities that i know constitute your genius because i have seen you acting in plays.
    you followed your star man, it was amazing to see the church go supernova and bask in it’s light.

    i can’t speak about whatever you’re going through, only to say trust yourself and those that are close to you, and if you need to go visit wendy for she is the bees knees to.

    god bless you,

  56. avatar
    75 shirts | 20 December 2011 at 12:33 pm #

    my wife looked in my closet, she counted 75 shirts, she asked why I needed 75 shirts, I said because they are all different, not one the same, recommend and urge overkill, like seeing your first magic show, your first steps into an amusement park, scoring the winning goal, make a beautiful woman laugh, even with that power, alexander will cry.

  57. Kraig
    Kraig | 20 December 2011 at 7:53 pm #

    I can totally relate my brother…only since Jan 2010 my Dad passed away, then my Grandmother this year last summer, then my little cat Cosmo is sick with cancer now so I can totally relate to your sickly horrific pain my man. All i can say is music soothes the soul for me (+time of course) and i know it does for you and most of us i would hope. The Carpenters “Song For You” is a soothing song I’m listening to and drifting your way to think of and listen to for this feeling, with prayers….GOD BLESS You my man with the many losses you have had over the past year and two. My prayers and blessings go your way from myself, my wife Teresa, and my kittie Cosmo (aka Kosmo).

    Prayers are for you and with you,
    Kraig, Teresa, and Cosmo

  58. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 December 2011 at 11:13 pm #

    My christmas wishes for myself. i wish i could top feeling sorry for myself
    Quote
    Great music, but i have the sophistication of a mount druitt yr 10 student..

    Please cut off my broken record or at least limit me to one comment a day. So sorry my brain died but sometimes i seem to ooze blah over everything. And then the morose mob get into full swing

    i who comment here but i hardly know i am alive. I’m sick of myself. Yes its tragic to have penis and brain die. my balls are sucking the life out of the comments as they climb on to the real wedgie expressed here.
    Yuck

  59. avatar
    hellbound heart | 23 December 2011 at 5:37 pm #

    we all have gods and bastards inside of us, am I right?
    love always….


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