posted on February 9, 2009 at 8:46 pm

none of you know me
none of you
i am king liar
n my nature is to type type type
in my mind i am so free
i roam around n i do what i like
i pick any fruit i want
and i make up these stupid stories
sometimes i put them to music
sometimes i paint em
sometimes i tell you about the imaginary life
of fictitious people
like david neil
like steve kilbey
like whoever else
sometimes oh my oh my
i embroider and embellish
and i tell myself so many things
that i start to believe i really am neil or kilbey
and i make imaginary records
and i do imaginary gigs
for imaginary audiences
all over my imaginary world
in reality
just like the wizard of oz
i am a decrepit phantom
hiding behind a series of shallow personae
manipulating my fantasies
with dodgy sleight of hand
and some clumsy verbal prestidigitation
i put myself thru some bad times
just so i can play the martyr
i reach for my trusty guitar
and i moan on
about how hard my cushy life is
and how i paid my dues
(when was that?)
and i reinvent my nebulous self
as some kinda romantic crusader
or some kinda ancient king
good just and wise
but oh my god
aint it all just showbiz?
sometimes i paint myself as an artist
sometimes i act like an actor
sometimes i imitate real singers with my crafty throat
sometimes i rail against something
that i’d jump at any chance to do
i am sour grapes
i am prejudice
i am envy
i am jealousy n scorn
i am a stab in the back
i am me me ME!
i am not me
i am not myself
and i hit some vein
and im rushed and on my run
and the lights all come on
and i walk in the sun
and i find a door back to fucking ithaca
or wherever the fuck
i dunno
maybe its just more of the great lie
a lady says to me
are all your songs true or do you just make em up?
a guy says to me
why do people lie?
a childe says to me
daddy is this real or make believe?
now its funny to ask me, aint it?
seeing as how i am the unverifier
i am the most fictional character you ever saw evaporate
i have no substance
i have no real meaning
i learn to reorganize language at a meta level
simple words i use in combinations i have planned
continue to impress n affect you
but as i sit here
i wonder if i do truly exist
outside this page
if i have any other being
outside time being
as you read me i live
as you switch off i fade
as you forget me i die
whatever you think of me
i assure you
i am not even its opposite
but some diametric negation
of all your expectations
i am i am i am

21 Responses to “disappearance”

  1. avatar
    Michael K. Warren | 9 February 2009 at 9:56 pm #

    I find it kind of amusing that when I click to leave a comment, Blogger says, “Choose an identity”.

    Now I’ve forgotten what I wanted to say.

  2. avatar
    princey | 9 February 2009 at 9:59 pm #

    “decrepit phantom”?? “no substance”?? no sk (ttb, ancient king, whoever you are today), I don’t believe it, we’re all fake-sters in one form or another, that’s how we humans “cope” and “get along” in this big, bad world.
    Well, you seem real enough in my world, so what does that make me????? (no, don’t answer that!!). Don’t go changing….
    Take care and love always,

  3. avatar
    Freddie | 9 February 2009 at 10:28 pm #

    So what you’re saying in simple language is that you’re an artist?
    Be thankful for those tools of the trade.
    You gotta be able to go where others dare not
    to help us discover things about ourselves
    to find the common threads…
    blah, blah.. yeah sure whatever Freddie…
    It’s not easy to find inspiration in the ordinary world.
    That’s why you need David Neil and Steve Kilbey, etc. etc. etc.
    The way I see it,
    as long as people relate to your creations
    (songs, paintings, blogs, et al)
    you got license and are fully justified in using these things.
    And who you are when you’re not working
    is none of our business, actually
    But it does sound as if the foundation needs a lil’ attention perhaps? 😐

  4. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 9 February 2009 at 10:39 pm #

    Ah, the proverbial ‘man behind the curtain’ – the Wizard of truth AND lies…

    But aren’t we all? I accidentally typed: Burt aren’t we all? Yikes.

    What happens when you don’t care who you are anymore and it’s just all OK? Is that some kind of peace or nirvana?

    Answers Kilbey…I want them and want them NOW.
    xxoo 😉

  5. avatar
    Richard | 9 February 2009 at 11:15 pm #

    welcome to the club

  6. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 10 February 2009 at 12:09 am #

    … you’re saying you’re not a great omnipresent being who knows all and sees all and controls the destinies of countless millions of souls…..damn, guess you burst my bubble, my friend ;-)…..
    love always……

    prestidigitation…..good word…..

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 February 2009 at 12:24 am #

    I am proudly a member of “The Timid Being”…..AND LLLLLLLLLLLuvving it!;D xoxoxo:)

  8. avatar
    seoigh | 10 February 2009 at 12:33 am #

    If I were cruel, I’d say it’s not a grand illusion, it’s a stupid little trick. Sort of like making toast.

    Good thing I’m not cruel.

    And besides, I’m rather fond of your magic tricks, regardless of scale.

  9. avatar
    PAGEY | 10 February 2009 at 2:10 am #

    FUCK!! This is exactly how i imagined you and you, you…you just come out with it! Awesome dude. Keep on – you humanoid droid blue dream sunshine cream! FUCK!

  10. avatar
    Richard | 10 February 2009 at 2:47 am #

    i find it amazing that SK can continue to bust out long prose day after day. this man (if given the time and maybe a bit of help 🙂 could write 20 songs a month and not break a sweat. talent, wish i had some. thanks for continuing to share SK.

  11. avatar
    captain mission | 10 February 2009 at 4:33 am #

    we are all actors playing roles attempting to work out what play we are in, who is the director, who writes these scripts, who is playing ourself. sometimes i think i’m in a sci fi narrative, others a surrealists dream, sometimes a romantic tragedy, then i see it for what it is, a comedy, the joke being i take it all to seriously.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 February 2009 at 8:37 am #

    I’m currently referencing Lear heavily in my real life….my two daughters are trying to destroy me.



  13. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 10 February 2009 at 8:50 am #

    I think most of us already figured that one out, Steve. But please do continue your work as an “illusionist”. It’s what makes you such an interesting artist.

  14. avatar
    Shirley Sally | 10 February 2009 at 10:15 am #

    I don’t have any expectations, I just like reading TTB and the responses every day – simple. It is a nice ritual and it is all my own.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 February 2009 at 11:16 am #

    Yer way cooler than kool! 🙂 xox

  16. avatar
    catchow | 10 February 2009 at 11:51 am #

    whoever you are,Steven,in spite of your so various series of personalities,YOU ARE!
    when i heard your so living voice
    and read every day your so living stories,i don’t think to a ghost
    and i say “he’s so REAL”…
    A pretty text,your way of handling
    words sounds like music.

  17. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 10 February 2009 at 3:41 pm #

    Captain Mission is an existential mind of a higher order who can actually gauge the Majority of Steve Kilbey’s esoteric writings.

    I’m on a Godley and Creme binge. Kevin Godley is one of the most underated vocalists in music. Kilbey’s equally eclectic.

  18. avatar
    CSTCoach | 10 February 2009 at 4:30 pm #

    “in reality
    just like the wizard of oz
    i am a decrepit phantom
    hiding behind a series of shallow personae”

    Perhaps that’s why many of us regulars are drawn here day after day. We’re all in the same boat. Shuffling among a pile of masks. Choosing an identity to suit the day, the situation, the mood. Existing in a wave state, but assuming a particulate form from situation to situation.

    You’ve become a sort of voice for such people. A disembodied voice, maybe. But it fits.

  19. avatar
    davem | 10 February 2009 at 6:14 pm #

    “stupid stories put to music”.
    Well it isn’t how I’d choose to describe you!! Not my first thoughts when I’m lying in the dark listening to Aura blasting out!! effing genius!

  20. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 10 February 2009 at 8:55 pm #

    Regarding your claim to be an unreliable narrator:
    Well, everybody does some magical thinking to one degree or another. It’s how we frame our tragic condition. Ain’t it fun though, to recognize that you’re the caged attraction, zoo keeper, nightwatchman and audience of your very own game preserve of personal myths and legends? I reckon most folks never even clean up their own cage let alone leave it.

  21. avatar
    A.M. | 12 February 2009 at 6:40 pm #

    you, david, erskine, the time being, dionysus, krishna, jesus et. al. — such lovely conversations you’re having. What a dance!

    I think I’ll go stomp on some grapes, break the skin, separate the seed from the fruit, squeeze it out, stir it up, then let it all soak and ferment and make me some wine. And when that’s done I’m going to drink and be merry and start the process all over again, but this time with a new skin.

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