posted on September 24, 2008 at 8:36 pm

you see my fine and tender fiendss
there are always side effects to every n any thing
you drive a car
you have accidents, brake-downs
fossil fuel is going thru the roof
you have a garden then
oh you got weeds n pests n ants n crabgrass
you see
have you self a childe or 5
you get attitude you get headaches you get attached
get a band
you get arguments
you get people leaving
you get disappointments
you get disunity
you get a career in show biz
you get bad reviews
you get commisioned
you get olde…
so ok
you gotta accept the good with the bad
so one day in nov 2005
russell kilbey says
you should right a blog
me:u huh
a few days later rk says really you should write a blog
me: never ‘erd ovvit
so one day i’m reading my emails
and bless my brothers little cotton sox
but its all set up for me
all i have to do is click
i was off
my first few bloggs were bloody rubbish
it hadnt dawned on me what a blog could be
but gradually we pick up shape n form
i become the time being inexorably
i write a few embarrassing puerile pathetic blogs
i write a few fucking magnificent ones too
proving i am he who am the only one
and a lot that are some good some bad
along the way it starts to occur to me
all the implications of this thing
immediately we had the old blown mystery syndrome
people didnt wanna know all that stuff about me
they switched off
some people enjoyed hearing about the woofle et al
so it was ok
i experimented with honesty and personal admissions
the damn thing became my online diary
and i gave myself permission to do or say anything
however my fucking wandering moods took me
this resulted in a few ‘orrrible rants
that disgusted me as much as you:
i actually deleted one whole blog
such was is its vilenesss
yes i’d written something half drunk n very tired
in a cramped and unpleasant room
i vented forth a load of bile
that horrified me next morning
other times natch
ive knocked something off
and then next day
ive realised
hey that was pretty good
blah blah blah
we pick up some syncho-phants
we pick up some weirdos
we have a big schism over the meat thing
and a load of self righteous ninnies depart
but you know what
i never shoulda told em what to eat
fuck it all
i’m a almost vegan
i will nae ever eat meat
but if you or you pals want to
go a fucking head
i’m a vegan cos of me
cos i reckon its the smart thing to do
a lovely (real) buddhist lady from burma said to me
only be concerned about your own behaviour
dont ever worry about anyone elses sins
just concentrate on your own failings
if only everyone could do this
think how happy our world would be…
i made a mistake
i prozzle a tized to ya
do what you like
yeah thats how i feel now
i am a selfish vegan mofo
doing the right thing for the wrong reason
another thing you gotta admit
is although theres been some outrageously egotistical tripe
theres been some heartfelt self reproach too
i aint a saint
or buddha
or even buddhist
i aint a paragon of virtue
jesus i reckon i made it clear
i aint anything really
i dont advocate any thing all that much
i’m just a bumbling stumbling bloke
who happens to have written some songs
and the people who like his songs
read his blogs
if i’m standing at a water fountain
for example
and a dog (or a child)
(or an old woman)
(or a squirrel)
(or a rugby union player)
runs up and licks my face
and slurps all over the place
i’ll tell ya about it
how diz-gusted i am
and i make no bones about it
if a fucking cock roach or rat
or mynah bird
or burgler
or snake
comes in my house
i will resort to extreme measures if necessary
who wouldnt?
you see just coz i reckon the meat industry
is akin to concentration camps
and is an unhealthy immoral blight on “civilization”
it wont stop me donging you with my hammer
if you try n come in my place uninvited like a clown…
if youre a little birdy
wants to fly in my house
and (this gets some readers excited..!)
poo poo poo
then you may get your neck wrung
if youre a little doggy
having a quiet poo poo poo
in my front garden
and your owner thinks no ones looking
i am an excellent shot with a stone
i throw hard too
and if all else fails
i have been known to redeliver dog poo
express in the owners letterbox (regardless of yer zip code)
if you try to grab my kids on the beach for a photo
you may go home wearing yer camera…
yes you see
i dont believe in huge demoralising wars
but i believe in sensible solutions to small problems
i dont interfere with others
and i expect em not to interfere with me
here are my shortcomings again
washed up
there thats outta the way
dont need to bring it up again
cos i just did
where all this is leading is…
look i dont wanna hurt anyones feelings but
we need a decent wag
really we do
and i’m officially offering a decent wag
part of the swag
i’m sorry to the wag that we got now
you were funny once rememember…
(can someone remind me…?!)
gee wag
i dont know how to tell you this but…
its just that things being what they are..
pressures from japanese investors
corporate decisions outta my hands
i’m sorry wag but…
im afraid i’m letting you go
you can make some waggish remarks
until next monday
when you can clear out your desk
take your axe-grinder with you please
pack up all your funny one-liners
oh and please remember to take all those hilarious names
you used to make up too..
i know its a bit of a sad occasion
but really old bean
you havent been making me laugh much
i would even accept a wry smile
but alas my faithful but dull wag
you are being retrenched
i hear bobo and the hedge are looking for a wag on their blog
i believe michael stripe may need a wag (or was that a wig?)
i believe gene simmons is interested in having a guest tongue wag occasionally
i think you could easily get a job wagging
on one of those blogs that no one reads
but …
cant ya see i’m starting to do kinda well here
i’m frickin ratin’ in the top thirty of personal blogs
of all the malarkers writin’ their tripe each day
in this whole wide world
i…me…is getting enough readers
to hoist me up into the top thirty
i even hit fuckin’ thirteen the other day
and thats my little lucky number
of course i cant compete with some of the other bloggers
above me on yonder charts
the smacked bottom girl
the adventures of the naked gay boy in ny (not one of my personal faves)
the tips n hints on computers n printers guy
the blogs in spanish n chinese
but all in all
i do ok
i gotta lotta silent readers
who never comment
i gotta gang of regulars
but they are the tip of the 800 reader iceberg
thats right
davem et al
is a huge unknown continent of readers
some of whom subscribe generously
and confide their thoughts in private
people we will never know about
many of whom NEVER read the comments
still i say
mr wag
i’m sorry
i just cant afford to have a so so wag like you on anymore
the muse is on at me to sack your ass
muse : thats true
its just that
ricki maymi jokes aint that funny
you do em over n over
like an olde fishwife serving up the same dismal dinner
oh its ricki maymi jokes again….aw…
sorry wag
we’re wanting a little change from them for a while
cant you do anything err….funny
the problem is this:
are you a proper wag
are you an axegrinding loser
trying to bring your ex-idol down a peg or too
youve got a very small …….opinion of yerself?
(shooting n stabbing in the dark here)
so i’m not turning the anons off yet
tho it doth seem to give you a feeling of triumph ere i do
i will let the readers decide
Q : do we need a new wag?

108 Responses to “dogging the wag”

  1. avatar
    the dean | 24 September 2008 at 10:23 pm #

    There’s funny and there’s antagonist.

    Vote Yes for new wag.

    By the way I like the egotistical rants – so self effacing ina way.

  2. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 24 September 2008 at 10:26 pm #

    the verdict?? oh god, the pressure, and i’m the first one here…will i set a precedent or something…i think anons need to be switched off if they resort to shit slinging, personal insults or remarks that hurt others…i guess i can tolerate ones that are kinda kooky and left-field…but really, steve, it’s up to you, matey, it’s your blog…..
    as for your personal failings, shit, i ain’t perfect, but i tell you what, you may be mortal but you make divine music, listened to painkiller for the first time last night….celestial, beautiful, some parts of the cd literally made me shiver….i love it…

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2008 at 10:55 pm #

    Shut out the Anoms!

    Since I can’t recall my user name or password means I post as Anonymous.

    But really, if I can’t remember this info I don’t deserve to post.

    I certainly don’t deserve to use this as a forum for mud-slinging, insult hurling, petty rants.

    I leave that to The Time Being, himself.

    Just kidding.

    Seriously- kill the Anoms option.


  4. avatar
    steve kilbey | 24 September 2008 at 11:15 pm #

    its not about anons
    it is about me asking
    vote yes or no
    how simple is that?

  5. avatar
    kat | 24 September 2008 at 11:20 pm #

    no sk, no new wag., that means no new anons, right? sorry for the good anons but no mo’ bad anons

  6. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 24 September 2008 at 11:35 pm #

    I vote not to vote so no vote here for change, lol…
    Captain Beyond

  7. avatar
    michael | 24 September 2008 at 11:38 pm #

    A new wag, but needs to be witty please.

    My first post here. Been meaning to since the painkiller gig, but I have been travelling a lot with work. My partner and I flew down from the Sunshine Coast especially for the gig (for my 39th birthday, Sept 12). Thanks Steve it was a great gig (up there with your best work) and a liked the band line up. Also thanks for the autograph on the CD as I didn’t get to thank-you personally. Especially like “not what you say”

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2008 at 11:39 pm #

    Why not get a new one? A change is as good as a holiday.


  9. avatar
    the dean | 24 September 2008 at 11:43 pm #

    Will there be nominations for the office of the wag?

  10. avatar
    fantasticandy | 24 September 2008 at 11:44 pm #

    ‘h to he who am the only one’ features a very beautiful song called
    ‘house with no door’
    the title of which seems an apt analogy for this blog…….
    i am full of admiration, love and respect for ya man, for adopting this policy.
    but i fear the barbarian is about to invade the dome.
    and we all know what happens next….
    artisticaly, your’e on a roll, one that seems to have been going on for more than a decade, yet even now is still picking up pace.
    being a bloody big blogstar is part of the phenomenon……
    don’t shoot me, i’m just a guitar player….
    i never created the ‘wag’ problem,
    i can’t make it go away neither.
    i do however think a lot of it wouldn’t exist if a certain person, on a particular occasion, had been a little less aggressive towards me….a lot of the sniping on here is not aimed directly at you steve.
    and i know that most of the stuff slung my way is an indirect attempt to start a ruck over the said ‘third-party’ again.

    in short, most of the ‘waggery’, or at least the nastiest sort, will die out naturally if i bow out of this thing…..
    there is an alternative…..but it’s not going to happen…so,
    i guess it’s best,that like thomas, i say goodbye.
    iv’e made some wonderfull friends on here…to many to list…but then, you all know who you are!
    and i’m not hard to get hold of,
    the door is always open, so do stay in touch if you wish……
    i’m sure i’ll be tempted back to read ‘the thoughts of chairman kilbey’ from time to time…..
    but i fear my days as an active commenter are over.
    love to all,

    p.s. i’m already very sad about this decision even before i hit the ‘publish’ button.

  11. avatar
    steve kilbey | 25 September 2008 at 12:03 am #

    what a revoltin’ development

  12. avatar
    kat | 25 September 2008 at 12:22 am #

    andy, ya can’t do that. or i guess you can. don’t blame ya

    people like to stir shit up, sk! i still vote no new wag, not that it matters. no new SHIT.

    sk i am still waiting on painkiller. with a broken off molar this is pretty hard.


  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 12:28 am #

    Who the fuck is this wag?
    I must be a bit slow.
    And what are you going on about Andy?

    Dutch Pierre

  14. avatar
    tim | 25 September 2008 at 12:38 am #

    Mr. Kilbey, you are the awesome!!

  15. avatar
    the dean | 25 September 2008 at 12:44 am #

    My understanding is that the wag is someone who uses different names or anons to antagonise.

    Flick through yesterdays comments.

    Things seem to be getting out of proportion with the regular comments.

    There will always be annoying opportunist trying to hi-jack the comments.

    As for Andy – Stay

  16. avatar
    matt davison | 25 September 2008 at 12:56 am #

    What a load of old cobblers…… I think this is all a bit silly. Sk that includes you.

    We love the writing, don’t let it get to you…it effects the quality.

    I am not voting caus I dont understand the whole malarky..

    Just write and let us enjoy the wordsmith genius you are..

    Andy, C- ya later “What you got a brused ego or something”…

    Its a blog not the bleedin UN forum of justice..

    Malarky thats all it is…

    Now SK tell us about Powles and whats happening at spacejunk or take some manuka…..!!


  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 12:56 am #

    New Wag

    that joke isn’t funny anymore
    I may have to finally sign in….

    Painkiller is the bomb from what I heard on youtube and myspace hopefully it will arrive in my mailbox next week. Enjoying your poetry downloads as well Steve. Very cool to listen to in between songs.
    Gush Gush keep the good stuff coming

    Steve in Florida

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 12:57 am #

    Man I read this wonderful blog most every day. I believe I was the first person to even call SK a sage. I don’t usually read the comments though. Can someone explain what the hell is going on with the wag business. And good god Andy, what’s the stir up? Maybe I should stay on the Kilbey Street where everything comes from him and not come down to this underworld of nastiness and shit slinging that is the comments section. I mean most of the comments seem pretty positive or lively at least. Can someone explain?

    From Somewhere in The Nortwhest

  19. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 25 September 2008 at 1:08 am #

    I deeply lament that my comment telling SK to never invoke Gandhi or Vishnu because he’s not a big time dog lover was malicious, vicious and unfair. He voluntarily plays at cruelty free living festivals and does more for veganism than any Aussie rock star. He does love the animal kingdom in general evidenced by countless blogs describing nature habitats and majestic wildlife species. If I’m not mistaken the last song on Painkiller ends with whale and/or dolphin sounds. He takes his kids to the zoo. He’s a vegan who does love animals, wildlife habitats and a green and pristine planet bereft of bloody slaughterhouses, hunting fields and wildlife carnage.

    Andy must not depart. Thomas must not depart. The blog’s too interesting for me to depart. I’m a part of the problem because I take animal rights to the extreme akin to it being a religion. I’ve done years of research to invoke historical spiritual luminaries to bolster my comments when I’m challenged. Also Chrissie Hynde inspires me- she’s got the testicular virility of the world’s strongest man when she vents.

    The mockers and the ANONS do not bother me. But keep in mind I have to take seven pills daily to stay borderline sane-very tenuous grasp and the meds make me fat.

  20. avatar
    limebeaver | 25 September 2008 at 1:11 am #

    i thought a wag was a footballers, blonde, skinny and daft wife..
    I vote yes to proposition W.A.G

  21. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 25 September 2008 at 1:23 am #

    MATT DAVISION is a trip. Whenever I play the ENZ I think of him. Six Months IN A Leaky Boat and “Poor Boy”(my favorite ENZ song).

  22. avatar
    restaurant mark | 25 September 2008 at 1:24 am #

    i vote yes for a new wag if we must have one…i find the ricky maymi jokes to be kind of like stale bread. if the old one does stay around he needs some new material…gotten very cirque du so lame!

    come on andy…stay with us. we’ve got a really nice group of people i feel and we’re all here for the same reason…a love of steve’s music and words.

    take care everyone

  23. avatar
    eek | 25 September 2008 at 1:34 am #

    I know, I know, it’s just a simple yes/no question, but I started thinking and you know what happens then — everything comes out all convoluted. So here it is:

    – I know I don’t want the old wag. The old wag seems to be stuck in grade school and no one in grade school is as funny as they think they are. Seriously, who wants an old, washed up wag anyway?

    – But I’m not so sure a new wag would be any better. Perhaps it is a case of the wag you know is preferable to the wag you don’t. But that really isn’t satisfactory either.

    – And then I think, but wouldn’t it be great if we could just dispense with the wag entirely. You know, live dangerously and go totally wagless.

    So that’s my answer — let’s live dangerously and go totally wagless! ๐Ÿ™‚

  24. avatar
    matt davison | 25 September 2008 at 1:43 am #

    Yes’ BCom I am “Poor Boy”

    Off to an audition now American TV series called (legend of the seeker)…Hope I remember my lines

    Poking my tounge out at you Sk…I can Out Act you, any day!!

    lardy da!!! do de do…

    Andy please come back…but get hard before you do….

    Why joke about Ricky anyway?? I am far more fun…Eh Killer

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 2:19 am #

    Keep the wag Steve. Don’t upgrade. Your old wag is part of you, terrible puns and all. I don’t want to log in to find sophisticated remarks about contemporary topics. I don’t want higher IQ humour. Isn’t there enough of that in the world? Your old wag may actually be a protected species with his terrible music hall jokes and name changing. You don’t want to help kill off a rare species do you?

    Remember the good times, Steve. You’ll miss the old wag. Just because your blog is near the top of the rankings you want to get rid of all your old friends… again… but it won’t last forever Steve. There’s more bottom smacking bloggers out there and one day your blog won’t even be in the top 200 and your trophy wag will leave you. It won’t even leave a goodbye note, it’ll just send you a goodbye e-postcard downloaded from “The Family Guy” website. Is that really what you want Steve?

    Keep the wag!


  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 2:23 am #

    no idea wtf is going on….burp.

  27. avatar
    steve kilbey | 25 September 2008 at 2:48 am #

    gee…this wag thing is complicated
    thanks for the advice martin…
    eekie youre wagless made laff out loud…
    could you be the new wag???

  28. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 25 September 2008 at 2:54 am #

    I’ve never felt so lost or confused in my life. And then I read this blog. Seriously, I’ve no idea what the heck is going on and I don’t think I want to know.

    Wag or no wag.
    Bail out or no bail out.
    The head spins.

    Steven –
    I hope you are throwing stones at the morons who allow their dogs to do their ‘business’ on your lawn and NOT throwing the stones at the dogs. It’s not their fault! They have terribly rude and insensitive, selfish owners.

    waggingly and blissfully ignorant,

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 3:02 am #

    Where are applications for the Wag position to be forwarded to? What is the package? What are the employment benefits? Is there a company car? With a petrol card?

    I’m sick to death of my job so maybe I’ll apply….the hours suit me.


  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 3:03 am #

    Sue Cee,

    I dunno who the friend is or what you’re sending but THANK YOU!!! I love mail!


  31. avatar
    Melquiades | 25 September 2008 at 3:04 am #

    the more you acknowledge the antagonist
    the more power they derive
    it does make for good fiction, though

  32. avatar
    captain mission | 25 September 2008 at 3:07 am #

    unless the standard of wag improves stick with quality over quantity, declare a wag free zone, off with their heads.

  33. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 25 September 2008 at 3:07 am #

    Oh. I’ve been out of town and away from the computer and made the mistake of commenting before reading the past few blogs. I’m just slightly less confused now. Sorry I said ANYTHING about dogs. Yikes.
    ‘Tis a shame people’s feelings are hurt and they’re abandoning ship.

    I thought this was supposed to be an enjoyable reprise from the banality of everyday life. ๐Ÿ™‚

  34. avatar
    god the gaw | 25 September 2008 at 3:11 am #

    i know you are but what am i?

  35. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 25 September 2008 at 3:44 am #

    ..ok, i may have missed the point a wee bit this morning, so kill me if i hadn’t had enough caffeine yet…maybe the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, therefore maybe we better have the wag we got now…
    please don’t go andy, god what a shame that decent people have to feel pressured into leaving…sad, sad, sad….
    love always….

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 3:53 am #

    I come to you, slithering on my stomach. Quiet like a swell, building saving its energy. You a light, a calm, a rest. We sleep to dream. You the lightm me the wave,
    Travel down, travel fast to the place where our energy meets.

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 3:57 am #

    I come to you, slithering on my stomach. Quiet like a swell, building- saving my energy. You a light, a calm, a rest. We sleep to dream. You the light, me the wave,
    Travel down, travel fast to the place where our energy meets.
    nothing wasted, recycled again to and fro, it comes-it goes it gives it takes. You feed off its energy it asks not your name. In nothing you will find something.

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 4:06 am #

    uhm, everytime i try for an identity on this damn thing, i am excluded. forever an anon. is this above my head.

  39. avatar
    floridaflora | 25 September 2008 at 4:26 am #

    your not alone anonymous. i wrote just befor you. I WAS anonymous. Now I am not. I must surf, I must write, I must paint, I must love. I have returned to where I started. At the beginning, where nothing came before and there is no end. This the Kilbey gang, come one come all-leave guilt, crime, passion and your footprint in the sand. Paddle out catch the energy of your forefathers and daughters give back to the source only what you take with you.

  40. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 25 September 2008 at 4:27 am #

    Sk you are seemingly cooler than cool but to throw or sling a rock at a dog if he/she shits on your lawn is cruel and inhumane. The canine is a nonviolent, inadvertant nuisance but hitting it with a rock is an act of extreme and possibly lethal violence. Dogs are man’s best friend that aid the blind, incapactitated and law enforcement and emergency rescue crews. If a canine attacks your children, your wife or u, they warrant your punitive reprisals. Violently abusing nonviolent dogs and cats is a felony in California, Boston, New York, Chicago, London and many other ENLIGHTENED cities and States. Furthermore, their beloved owners will tenably kill the person that seriously harms or kills their beloved nonviolent canine or feline. Self-Defense lawyers will protect them in court. It’s always revelatory to re-read your blogs.

  41. avatar
    markobears | 25 September 2008 at 4:29 am #

    For the past week I’ve been on youtube posting “god bless George Bush and our troops” against people i agree with. If there’s no argument I get bored. The internet ain’t no gated community

  42. avatar
    markobears | 25 September 2008 at 4:34 am #

    I’m with Brien but I do kill parasites cause they keep coming for you. I try to place other animals and insects back outside. Glue traps for mice, shirts or towels for the bugs.

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 5:00 am #

    ya see kilbey, even when you create something magnificent (this blog…most of the time) some wally is gunna fuck things up…aren’t we humans grate! whoever came up with the sad idea that humankind should be in charge of something as precious as our (once green) planet?

  44. avatar
    steve kilbey | 25 September 2008 at 5:22 am #

    and i throw stones at wags
    and i wag my head
    and i throw myself into a stone
    and not like dogs?
    i love the boxer by simon n garfucknuckle
    and i ask you again
    do we need a new wag?
    can you get the wag staff?

  45. avatar
    the dean | 25 September 2008 at 5:38 am #

    we could have a floating wag
    a designated wag
    a wag of the day
    stuart perhaps
    or a whip instead, to keep the malcontents online inline. works for the polies and this is some bazarre democracy.

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 5:39 am #

    I think we should keep the wag – lets love him to death. something to think about.

  47. avatar
    davem | 25 September 2008 at 6:23 am #

    I’m all for a regular wag SK! So it’s a yes from me.
    Andy – stay commenting. We luvs ya and you don’t have to read all of the other shit.

  48. avatar
    linjo | 25 September 2008 at 6:37 am #

    I logged into today to apologise for my judgemental comments but then I read that you would sling a rock hard at a pooing dog. Gee Steve you are really anally retentive about animals doing what comes naturally, whats the big deal, fuck its nature. You bought the poopsy subject up again! What if it hit the poor thing in the eye? Better just to get the hose and squirt it away or piss on it or something, surely you can see that! Geez I sound like your mother. bad boy!!! Anyway just also wanted to say that Andy seems to be one special human being, so kind of heart, I wish him well though do not understand why he would get upset about a piss weak anon having a dig, hey they can be funny at times and no one takes em seriously.
    Anyway, packing up the tent and taking the junior love bird to Queensland for a holiday. Best wishes to all. Linda

  49. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 6:44 am #

    bouncy bouncy oooh such a good time…

    sure why not.

  50. avatar
    linjo | 25 September 2008 at 6:48 am #

    PS Steve, you would really love it in Darwin, where I have seen first hand, a certain culture just drop there daks and do it in the street! Now that would really give you the shits baybee if you trod in that! Linda

  51. avatar
    iseult | 25 September 2008 at 6:50 am #

    it’s so hard to find good wag staff these days

  52. avatar
    persephone2u | 25 September 2008 at 7:19 am #

    I vote for wagless and no anons. Why give whoever the wag person is all the attention they crave? Please go back to writing nice poetry as this whole wag thing is just silly.

  53. avatar
    eek | 25 September 2008 at 8:16 am #

    eekie youre wagless made laff out loud…
    could you be the new wag???

    Ack!! No no that was just an aberration — I'm not that funny. Then again, neither is the current wag …. But still, I think I'll bow out now while I still have a perfect record as a good wag. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hope the K&K gig goes well tonight.

    So…who's going to the K&K gig show tonight? It's only $10 too. Get a wiggle on and go if you are anywhere reasonably close!

    Steve Kilbey & Martin Kennedy Present debut show & All India radio album launch. Excelsior Hotel 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills, Sydney, New South Wales Cost : $10.00 8 pm

    And don’t forget the Art Groupie launch party tomorrow night starting at 6 pm. Not only is admission free, but you also get a free limited edition compilation cd of songs from participating artists. And you get to see a couple of SK’s paintings in the .. well, not flesh, but … well, you know.

    The Tap Gallery
    Level 1, 278 Palmer Street, Darlinghurst, New South Wales 2000

  54. avatar
    I was mr. wag...or one of em at least! | 25 September 2008 at 8:30 am #

    Ok, no more waggery from me.
    Waggerisation quotient down by one!

  55. avatar
    verdelay | 25 September 2008 at 8:54 am #

    I’m wagnostic.

    I don’t believe in wags, per se, but I believe in the posibility of wags.

    My mind is open. Things just fall in and out.


  56. avatar
    spartacus's mates | 25 September 2008 at 9:30 am #

    I’m the wag!
    No, I’m the wag!

    Oh, I said I’d stop, didn’t I.
    One more Maymi joke before I quit?
    Just one?
    Huh, spoilsports…

  57. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 10:03 am #

    Steve, you did once say ‘like your Christ and our Buddha’. This at least implied that you considered yourself a Buddhist. I understand that you’re unlikely to accept any implicitly restrictive labelling. But would ‘our Buddha’ have even contemplated wringing the neck of a bird? I have to say, that really shocked me.

  58. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 10:27 am #

    When the anons are off don't you get between 13 and 20 comments? It'll be even less with the alienation of Thomas and Andy. What'll happen if you then piss off Veleska & Davem?! I'm not sure the internet works quite like you want it to, Steve.

  59. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 10:39 am #

    Matt Davison.
    You are right. It’s just malarkey. Can’t see the crisis in it.
    Ok. It’s getting autumnal here in Blighty, grey sky, falling leaves, slight undertone of chill now n again. Roll on October!

  60. avatar
    bill | 25 September 2008 at 10:49 am #

    Name the potential new wag and I’ll tell ya if I wannna hear from the putz.

  61. avatar
    ok, I'll spell it out | 25 September 2008 at 11:09 am #

    Why the Ricki jokes? Steve interviewed Ricki ‘n’ asked him about how he discovered the Church, when he first met SK, etc. I didn’t know who Ricky was and asked. Ricky himself answered at great and angry length, offering to meet me and several others in Soho for a fight. I’m in San Diego, Ricki, so no. It was a ridiculous over-reaction on Ricki’s part, but you know how it is: if you know the dummy will react, you’ll tease it all the more just to see how far it can be provoked this time. And Ricky fell for it for a long time. Childish? Yeah. Tiresome? Yeah. But hey, it’s not all bad: it’s finally taught Ricki not to take the bait and rise to provocation. He’ll thank us, one day.

  62. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 11:26 am #

    U deleted 2 blogs, Stevo, 1 about the Croatians & 1 about the Poms.

  63. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 11:53 am #

    Vass ist ‘wag’?

  64. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 12:20 pm #

    oh wag wag wag. there are so many. why does sir kilby think there is only one.
    yes we need new wags. i vote yes.
    malcolm turnball has risen to the top of three elite professions,not bad for a dude in his 50s. you may coddle your failings with the idea that you look better. to whom? his hair is way thicker. when guys have more money, power, and/or intelligence than you it always comes down to blah blah i look better than them.
    way to go washed up poor guy who throws stones at dogs.
    good luck.
    send in the wags.

  65. avatar
    Richard | 25 September 2008 at 12:25 pm #

    enough of this dogging the wag!

  66. avatar
    tim | 25 September 2008 at 12:26 pm #

    i think sk should be his own wag!!!!

  67. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 12:32 pm #

    That’s part of the trouble, Tim: any time someone on here demonstrates half an ounce of spark or wit, Steve hounds em out. Malcolm Arkey, anyone?

  68. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 12:36 pm #

    Brien, how'd ya defend Kilbo beheading dogs & strangling miners?

  69. avatar
    cabaret voltaire | 25 September 2008 at 12:37 pm #

    Wag Wag Wag!

    I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.

  70. avatar
    Richard | 25 September 2008 at 12:51 pm #


    I (honestly) only just noticed the heading of today’s post

    great minds

  71. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 12:55 pm #

    Thomas, I really DID warn you that it was impossible to criticise anything on here, didn’t I? See what happens when it’s anything except fanboy validation? And if this’s what SK’s like nowadays, imagine what the reaction would’ve been if anyone had called him on his shit (metaphorical or otherwise) 20 years ago!?

  72. avatar
    Debbysofuckinwhat! | 25 September 2008 at 12:57 pm #

    Bandit the Amstaff said:FOOD?
    Can I be yer new wagger? I have a tail I can out wag all y’all! FOOD? I like ta thump m’tail on the wall like a big bass drum please please can I huh?huh?FOOD?!
    I’ll wag fer ya but I can’t hold m;licker!FOOD?That’d be a YES vote!

  73. avatar
    your mum | 25 September 2008 at 1:00 pm #

    Steve, could you arm-wrestle Rollins or Danzig?

  74. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 1:09 pm #

    Y’know what’s really fucken sad? The wag and the dogshit both got more comments than the Heyday blog. Way to go guys, ya gotta be proud of that one. Steve, I’ve loved TTB but I’ve had enough, so fuck this, I’m outa here. The retards on here? Fuck all y’all.

  75. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 1:38 pm #

    Attention all wanna be hippies
    read it and weep:

    A big concern in Washington โ€” and among many ordinary Americans โ€” is that the difficulty in valuing these assets could result in the government’s buying them for more than they will ever be worth, a step that would benefit financial institutions at taxpayers’ expense.
    Anyone who has tried to buy or sell a house when the market is falling, as it is now, knows how difficult it can be to agree on a price. But valuing the securities that the Treasury aims to buy will be far more difficult. Each one of these investments is tied to thousands of individual mortgages, and many of those loans are going bad as the housing market worsens.
    “The reality is that we are not going to know what the right price is for years,” said Andrew Feltus, a bond portfolio manager at Pioneer Investments, a mutual fund firm based in Boston. “It might be 20 cents on the dollar or 60 cents on the dollar, but we won’t know for years.”
    While prices of most stocks are no mystery โ€” they flicker across PCs and televisions all day โ€” the troubled investments are not traded on any exchange. The market for them is opaque: traders do business over the telephone, and days can go by without a single trade.
    Not only that, many of these instruments are extremely complex. Consider the Bear Stearns Alt-A Trust 2006-7, a $1.3 billion drop in the sea of risky loans. Here’s how it worked:
    As the credit bubble grew in 2006, Bear Stearns, then one of the leading mortgage traders on Wall Street, bought 2,871 mortgages from lenders like the Countrywide Financial Corporation.
    The mortgages, with an average size of about $450,000, were Alt-A loans โ€” the kind often referred to as liar loans, because lenders made them without the usual documentation to verify borrowers’ incomes or savings. Nearly 60 percent of the loans were made in California, Florida and Arizona, where home prices rose โ€” and subsequently fell โ€” faster than almost anywhere else in the country.
    Bear Stearns bundled the loans into 37 different kinds of bonds, ranked by varying levels of risk, for sale to investment banks, hedge funds and insurance companies.
    If any of the mortgages went bad โ€” and, it turned out, many did โ€” the bonds at the bottom of the pecking order would suffer losses first, followed by the next lowest, and so on up the chain. By one measure, the Bear Stearns Alt-A Trust 2006-7 has performed well: It has suffered losses of about 1.6 percent. Of those loans, 778 have been paid off or moved through the foreclosure process.
    But by many other measures, it’s a toxic portfolio. Of the 2,093 loans that remain, 23 percent are delinquent or in foreclosure, according to Bloomberg News data. Initially rated triple-A, the most senior of the securities were downgraded to near junk bond status last week. Valuing mortgage bonds, even the safest variety, requires guesstimates: How many homeowners will fall behind on their mortgages? If the bank forecloses, what will the homes sell for? Investments like the Bear Stearns securities are almost certain to lose value as long as home prices keep falling.
    “Under the current circumstances it’s likely that you are going to take a loss on these loans,” said Chandrajit Bhattacharya, a mortgage strategist at Credit Suisse, the investment bank.
    The Bear Stearns bonds are just one example of the kind of assets the government could buy, and they are by no means the most complicated of the lot. Wall Street took bonds like those of Bear Stearns and bundled and rebundled them into even trickier investments known as collateralized debt obligations, or C.D.O.’s
    “No two pieces of paper are the same,”said Mr. Feltus of Pioneer Investments.
    On Wall Street, many of these C.D.O.’s have been selling for pennies on the dollar, if they are selling at all. In July, Merrill Lynch, struggling to bolster its finances, sold $31 billion of tricky mortgage-linked investments for 22 cents on the dollar. Last November, Citadel, a large hedge fund in Chicago, bought $3 billion of mortgage securities and other investments for 27 cents on the dollar.
    But Citigroup, the financial giant, values similar investments on its books at 61 cents on the dollar. Citigroup says its C.D.O.’s are relatively high quality because they were created before lending standards weakened in 2006.
    A big challenge for Treasury officials will be deciding whether to buy the troubled investments near the values at which the banks hold them on their books. That would help minimize losses for financial institutions. Driving a hard bargain, however, would protect taxpayers.
    “Many are tempted by a strategy of trying to do both things at once,” said Lawrence H. Summers, a former Treasury secretary in the Clinton administration. As a hypothetical example, Mr. Summers suggested that an institution could have securities on its books at $60, but the current market price might only be $30. In that case, the government might be tempted to come in at about $55.
    Many financial institutions are so weak that they must sell their troubled assets at prices near the value on their books, Carlos Mendez, a senior managing director at ICP Capital, an investment firm that specializes in credit markets. Anything less would eat into their capital.
    “Depending on your perspective on the economy, foreclosure rates and home prices, the market may eventually reflect that price. But most buyers are not willing to make that bet right now,” he said. “And that’s why we have these low prices.”
    Ben S. Bernanke, the chairman of the Federal Reserve, told Congress on Tuesday that the government should avoid paying a fire-sale price, and pay what he called the “hold-to-maturity price,” or the price that investors would bid if they expected to keep the bond till it was paid off.
    The government would buy the troubled investments with the intention of eventually selling them back to the market when prices recover.
    The Treasury has suggested it might conduct reverse auctions to determine the price for securities that are not trading in the market.
    Unlike in a traditional auction in which would-be buyers submit bids to the seller, in a reverse auction the buyer solicits bids from would-be sellers. Often, the buyer agrees to pay the second-highest bid submitted to encourage sellers to compete by lowering their bids for all the assets submitted. The buyer often also sets a reserve price and refuses to pay any more than that price.
    But Mr. Paulson told Congress on Tuesday that the government would use many other means in addition to auctions, suggesting that it would exercise wide discretion over the final prices to be paid.
    Financial institutions will have an incentive to sell their worst assets to the government, a risk that the Treasury will have to guard against, said Robert G. Hansen, senior associate dean at the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth College.
    “I am worried that the people who are going to offer the securities to the government will be the ones that have the absolute worst toxic waste,” Professor Hansen said. Even so, he added, the government could actually make a profit on its purchases โ€” provided the Treasury buys at the right prices. Richard C. Breeden, a former chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, said the auctions could thaw parts of the markets that have been frozen since late last year.
    “One of the problems that many institutions are having is finding any bid for some of these assets, even though they are not without value,” said Mr. Breeden, who is chairman and chief executive of Breeden Capital Management, an investment firm in Greenwich, Conn.
    “What are these assets worth?” asked Mr. Breeden. “Sometimes, because of fear or extreme uncertainty in the markets, you get in a situation in which there are no bids at all, or at least no realistic bids.”

    Go get a JOB

  76. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 1:41 pm #

    Where’s is KOBE Beef when we need him????

  77. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 1:43 pm #

    “Dogging” has another meaning in the UK, Kilbo!

  78. avatar
    ross b | 25 September 2008 at 2:02 pm #

    Nice comment Restaurant Mark.

    I've been wondering, what ever happened to Lehbrino??

    I feel sad about Andy & Thomas and their dismay with the whole thing. Part of me understands that a degree of distance and non-attachment is necessary when delving into the blog world as fundamentally this is an intermediate world where communication with other people, maintained through messaging or comments sent via personal computers, can often appear to be misleading and may cause overreaction & misunderstanding within ourselves and others. It's a substitute, as it were, for vital one-to-one real-life contact and communication. My feeling is that if you make connections and friends through the blog world then that's obviously of terrific benefit given that the blog is a global phenomenon. Conversely, if people tick you off you have to understand that if you were to meet them in real life there's a good chance you'd actually get on fine.

    I suppose a part of me is attached to this enterprise, hence my sense of dismay for Andy & Thomas, both of whom I do like. I often wonder what people are like in real life as I sift through the comments, wishing I could meet them, have conversations, find out more about them.

    Andy you're a damn fine musician with great heart and Thomas you're such a good, decent guy. Maybe just hang back and chuck in a comment when the mood/day takes you. But don't let anyone get to you, it really ain't worth it.

    Great blog today Steve, I love your candour, your human-ness, you're a true time-being you ain't no robot!

    As for the new wag I'd say nah. I don't like the word 'wag' anyway. You know wot my favourite word is?? It's actually 'dogs' (plural). Just love the word 'dogs'…and 'sustain'.


  79. avatar
    tim | 25 September 2008 at 2:13 pm #

    annon 11:09

    I do not agree. I gave my opinion of “Outbound” one of the new tracks on Painkiller a couple of blogs back and i was not chastised or hounded out…
    i don’t beleive anyone actually enjoys critisism, especially artists but there is a big difference between critisism and mean-spiritedness which does raise its ugly head from time to time.

    Its all in how its presented…there have been some simply incredible, sublime and thoughtful blogs on here and as sk is the first to admit he has written some tripe….but i think this is the wonderful thing…we get to see an artist at work…we have the priveledge to get inside his head a little, even though it might be a little disturbing at times or just plain pithy..some stuff resonates, other maybe not, oh well. opinions are like assholes, we all have one.

    And isn’t this a great example of what’s wrong with our world…right here..if everyone would just be a little more respectful of each other and compassionate and a little less sensitive to what some “wag” has to say (whatever a wag is) then the world and this blog might be a better place..

    in the words of Rodney King…”Can’t we all just get along”

    this quibbling is pretty pathetic when you take a look at it..


  80. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 2:21 pm #

    There’s nothing to “leave”, fools. This is not a forum or a community or anything like that, it’s a place to comment on some guy’s blog.

    ie “Good blog, I liked that”

    It’s not a fucking psychotherapist’s couch for your personal underwear airing! The blog writer himself doesn’t know what to do with you all!

  81. avatar
    tim | 25 September 2008 at 2:23 pm #

    sorry I meant anon at 10:55

    Ross i agree totally…

    text leaves too much to interpetation, a great thing when it comes to storytelling…horrible concequences when it comes to communication.

  82. avatar
    markobears | 25 September 2008 at 2:52 pm #

  83. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 25 September 2008 at 3:19 pm #

    I go with the wagnostic. the wag who was the rampist piss artist I found vaguely amusing. A very creative form of stalkerism perhaps. The one who’s jealous of Ricky baby is so peurile I’m sure we can all identify – recall that satisfying thrill of first power when you reached down in your wobbly way from the high chair to wack the new baby with your dish of vegan murk and he bursts into satisfying song – ah yes. It’s kinda shocking, but perhaps persistent wags are the price of buckets of gush?

  84. avatar
    CSTCoach | 25 September 2008 at 3:23 pm #

    Hmm. I’m with eek. I vote that you ditch the current wag, but not so sure you need a new one. What about some sort of anti-wag? A “gaw” of sorts? What would one do? What would be its job description? To write only constructive, funny jibes which arose from good spirited teasing rather than jealousy or bitterness. The sorta “gaw” who holds up the mirror to afford perspective rather than one who just snipes at the exposed places because they’ve not exposed themselves and can’t be hurt back. What about a gaw, then?


  85. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 3:33 pm #

    Running water and an old toothbrush is very handy for when you’re trying to clean doggy do do off your shoe.

    The wag should stay. Wags have got to get their kicks where they can. A wag keeps it real. You know you’ve made it as a blogger if you have your own resident wag. Not everyone has one. And he does it for free.

  86. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 3:42 pm #

    Hi Steven!
    I’ve discovered this blog just recently — true! Didn’t read everything from start to finish, so much stuff in here. Apparently, many, many things have been taken the wrong way around. I’d really like to clear it up, it would be great.
    All the best,
    Serge ZENI.

  87. avatar
    wagner | 25 September 2008 at 3:54 pm #

    awww, you guys are no fun!

  88. avatar
    John | 25 September 2008 at 4:08 pm #

    SK, I don’t really care one way or the other about the ‘wag’ question. They don’t bother me, so my vote would be yes, keep old, and yes, get new. But being an anon myself I would be let down if you shut it off as I enjoy reading ALL of the thoughtful comments.

    If you do turn the anons off then I better quickly just say thanks for being one of the more brilliant ‘stars’ illuminating cyberspace.


  89. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 4:31 pm #

    Steve, u beheaded a dog???

  90. avatar
    Shawn El | 25 September 2008 at 4:44 pm #

    I’m still trying to figure out what the wag thingy is. It sounds important tho. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing something else while reading this.

    Why do people on here insist on correcting everyone all the time, thinking they always must have the last word? Isn’t life too short to be doing that all the time? Gawd. Let’s be friends!

  91. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 6:09 pm #

    bag not the wag…

    tag the stupid fags
    & gag the hags
    that snap & nag.

    rag not on this wag…

    his powers flag
    spirits sag
    from the daily jag
    & zig-zag

    such a drag…

    so get back
    jack cadillac
    show some slack
    let the mad man
    stay on track…

  92. avatar
    Mr. Argent | 25 September 2008 at 6:17 pm #

    โ€œMusic creates order out of chaos: for rhythm imposes unanimity upon the divergent, melody imposes continuity upon the disjointed, and harmony imposes compatibility upon the incongruousโ€
    โ€”Yehudi Menuhin

  93. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 6:23 pm #

    hot soy milky tea,for me,n u 2 ,wag.-WAG .xo ๐Ÿ™‚

  94. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 6:32 pm #

    I bet there aren’t any wags commenting on Mark Seymour’s blog.

  95. avatar
    Warren Street | 25 September 2008 at 6:45 pm #

    Here’s a thought:

    Close the comments entirely for a week.

    If ya think something’s missing, put them back on.

    If ya don’t notice, don’t turn them back on.

    If ya want to be scientific, turn them back on in three weeks for exactly twenty hours.

    If nothing brilliant comes in, turn them back off.

    Comments on blogs invite the musings of the infantile anyway. Like this musing.

  96. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2008 at 7:00 pm #

    sk, who cares what they think?

    If you ask ’em they’ll tell you one thing, but truth is they can’t get enough of you.

    You know you’re good and so do they, so carry on your bitter way.

  97. avatar
    Jab @ BZT | 25 September 2008 at 7:48 pm #

    Shawn El said, “Why do people on here insist on correcting everyone all the time, thinking they always must have the last word? Isn’t life too short to be doing that all the time?”

    Thank you. You hit the point quite concisely. Matter of fact, I happen to think this is exactly the problem of civilization in general. Sadly, due to the Pandora’s Box the internet is, it’s just so much easier for the “Gotta always get the last word” folks to do just that. Would they do this in person? Being nasty to others? Face to face? Maybe. Maybe not. But, still, any gutless turd can hide behind anonymous titles and spew hate and be a shit disturber.

    Now, Mr./Ms. Current Wag, I am not calling you out. My words are directed at you personally. But, you can tell stuff about people just by what they type and I kinda understand some things about you. Isn’t it odd that even though you never identify yourself that most of us can just tell it’s the same person? Personally, I find that kinda fascinating. That your personality comes through regardless. Mischevious by nature. I am. But, make it point to remember that True Cool is a virture. Being mean is not an option.

    What I find unacceptable is the others who thrive and just flat out get off on being mean. Too bad there isn’t an “Obvious Asshole” filter on blogs, eh?

  98. avatar
    CSTCoach | 25 September 2008 at 7:49 pm #

    I forgot to add, I just watched the complete episode of Rockwiz on which you slaughtered your opponents with ease, while showing grace and restraint. There’s a word for that in the fight game: outclassed.

    Well done! And of course you came across extremely well on TV (even if you did raise your hand…). You’re a natural.

    The performances were wonderful as well. I loved your rendition of Streets of Our Town.

  99. avatar
    Jab @ BZT | 25 September 2008 at 7:57 pm #

    Oh, and SK, I vote no new wag. There seems to be one and only one thing for us to do who enjoy coming here, reading what you write and looking at the comments to avoid the hateful and rude spewing of surf-by shit disturbers. Ignore them. Any recognition of them eggs them on. That’s why I rarely comment anymore. I don’t care to start any shit regarding things I don’t agree with nor do I care to be the recipient of the same.

  100. avatar
    mahatma kane jeeves | 25 September 2008 at 8:01 pm #

    in my extended but undulating absence from regulare bloogerdom, i see that my beloved daily kilbey has gone tits up comment wise. i don’t give a fuck about wag-ing but can i be a sycophant please. i promise daily comments of enormous flattery and great obsequiousness. god you’re brilliant.

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