posted on June 16, 2010 at 6:34 am


eventually
you on your own
fooling round with a camera in an empty room
or being born again
or walking along some pier stretching across leaden waters
you see people in restaurants drinking booze n eating cuisine nouveau
you see homeless wrecks shivering in the winter afternoon
you see the snobs and slobs and blobs the bits n bobs
betrayed delayed afraid
calm now in determination
hysteria not for me
flowery words wilting on the page
promises become threats
i walk along and i laugh to myself
i walk along thru the endless ages
the son of man
getting warmer getting colder
i need no one
i need no food no drug no orgasm no money
self contained self restrained
i look for nothing
yet i see everything
i am a singer in a show
i appear n i go
surrounded by flash and bang
i am a stillpoint
i look out at you all
i sing from a million miles
under pressure
burns a building down
splits a family in 2
puts people on the street
i read my name in the paper
my current name that is
i realize more n more that is not me
over a double barrel
inside a double helix
i sit with the performers and talk
i joke with the crew
i pause in the limelight
never so weak or powerful
double your trouble back guarantee
disgracefully graceful
i even confuse myself
head on ism
oh i only feel the cold
good calm cold
the grim winter
the dumb summer
the double edged sword
the panther in his winter
i’m not your 20th century man oh no
an unknown in an unknown land
its quiet i talk to myself
finally someone who makes sense
my double whispers in that drawling accent
half english half australian half asleep
half life
double shot
clear headed
across between fox and cat
i purr with my phlegmy engine
my calves sacrificed to the bitter wind
i cough up tears
i cry blood
i leave my body : a trial separation
i wanted to be like everybody else but it was never on
a unique nobody i blow down acland street
double back
buy a coffee
buy some time
double time
sick of women sick of men
double sick double cured
i licked smack
i smacked lick
i fought my own double
and was double whipped
i double and redouble your bid
my head is an entertainment centre
i book seats at my own show
black n white double features
orpheus comes n goes through mirrors
ulysses in his black beaked ship
siegfried drenched in dragon blood
joe schmoe at some karaoke night
good with words
bad with numbers
double 6 double 6 double 6
dabbles with doubles
i leave my body again
i leave your body again
i always loved jesus
i meet him in the darkening park
we sit in stony silence
until its time for me to go in
my mother calls me….listen :
steven…..
steven…..
i enter by the stage door
some grizzled ex angel nods and winks
fucking singers he thinks …what a joke….
i go down deep into the orchestra pit
where my lyre is waiting to tell its lies
music sweet music
sing us a song your the lyre man
and make it a double
and make it on the double
and then
double up
twice

17 Responses to “double or nothing”

  1. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 16 June 2010 at 9:53 am #

    …wish i could leave my body and become as insubstantial as smoke….float where i may…..

    love always…..

  2. avatar
    Freddie | 16 June 2010 at 11:30 am #

    "flowery words wilt on the page" Oooh, oooh I really like that! not the wilting words themselves but the phrase of course.
    “it’s quiet I talk to myself
    finally someone who makes some sense”.
    :^) We do that too!

    Sorry to hear that the show didn’t go so well this time. But you know how it is sh(it) happens from time to time. (hugs)

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 June 2010 at 11:42 am #

    Dear Killer,

    reading between the lines of yer last posts, I reckon nk has left ya. I feel sorry for ya, mate, been there myself. Least you've got the music and art to keep ya occupied, not to mention yer daughters and a cast of thousands who've dug yer work over the decades. Just like George said, "Life goes on within you and without you". Every day it gets a little better until one day you wake up and all is groovy.
    Cheers from Germany, mate

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 June 2010 at 11:53 am #

    SK:

    Man, if only our boy Edgar Cayce could have given you your reading . . .

    Wilfred Paradise
    North Carolina

  5. avatar
    steve kilbey | 16 June 2010 at 12:16 pm #

    dear person in germany
    nk has not left me
    sorry to ruin the story
    sk

  6. avatar
    Broken Toys and Heros | 16 June 2010 at 1:28 pm #

    SK…

    i am a bit concerned for u. yes u are an extraodinary artist, in many of our eyes, the best of this and before generations. i suffer from depression and sometimes drift outside myself to see things differently , hopefully a little clearer. yes- u create an alternate universe with ur words and images- but ur a man. a man who lives and breathes the same as all of us and sometimes we get blue and the weight of the world gets heavier and heavier. its hard to explain, sometimes u can feel worthless and useless and the next minute, full of spirit and cheer. i am coming to the reality that i am bipolar. it is a difficult understanding. if u feel a bit out of place- please take a chance to talk to someone. dont do their prescribed drugs or their ridiculous programs to u feel safe in the process-any process, because moving to fast in their world can become harmful, quickier than u can imagine. just take some time and talk to a professional and if u dont like that one-try another. it may help u with ur life and ur family. i am glad that u and nk are together, remaining together for eternity-we all need love and companionship and family. but sometimes, u need to help ur self and rediscover who u once were and find a happy road back to that person.

    if i am way off course and all is brilliant with u- im sorry to sound my opinion and as always- wish u the very best

    always,

    DJK082067

  7. avatar
    LF | 16 June 2010 at 1:40 pm #

    Well done, you two.

  8. avatar
    tendraftsdeep | 16 June 2010 at 1:57 pm #

    excellent excellent

  9. avatar
    haaz | 16 June 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    thought it was a good olive branch myself

    my not-asked-for analysis was that it was the come down after the world tour
    the return to the familiar
    creepin' in
    unsettling (gin?)

    I know nothing,
    or so I like to claim.

    good luck, old soul.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 June 2010 at 3:02 pm #

    after I read…
    I shook my head,
    paused, then I prayed
    it's sunny here and
    I must get on with my day.

  11. avatar
    DavidP | 16 June 2010 at 3:57 pm #

    how do I describe such longing?
    why do I need to?
    when you've already done it so well
    in this and the last few blogs
    my beautiful struggle
    I see it reflected in yours
    so your words resonate with me
    such longing, oh such yearning
    crying out of every cell to the consummation of the whole body
    pushing one to search
    searching for whats outside of yer head, for whats hidden in your heart
    striving to understand what its all about, how it works, why is it all here, what are we meant to do, why that emotion, why that reaction, why that harsh word later regretted?
    its wonderful to be spiritually restless, that spiritual yearning
    its one's own Being pushing its essence to find the way to awaken
    there are clues to it all
    in all the scriptures,
    in all the myths,
    in all the legends
    clues that describe the condition of man and what he has to do
    we have more than just a double
    we have a legion
    Seth’s red demons, which Osiris should fight
    the cousins with which Arjuna should do battle with
    Medusa inflicting all type of suffering only stopped when beheaded by the sword of Perseus
    inside us all those characters exist, a Pontius Pilate, a John the baptist, a Peter, a Mary Magdelene, a Judas etc
    a battle inside our hearts and minds at any given moment
    pick up the sword and fight
    so that Osiris drives your vehicle
    to be or not to be
    'all that man has to do is just "be", the rest he has is by addition'
    we leave our body every night whether we realise it or not
    we are not our body but that which animates our body,
    we are the consciousness, the psyche, from one life to the next
    you already know this
    what you want to know is close to hand

  12. avatar
    Craig Miller | 16 June 2010 at 4:36 pm #

    Steve,
    I'm back at Yoga. Why did I ever quit? I feel great. Thanks for turning me on to it.

    Craig Miller

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 June 2010 at 6:13 pm #

    Steve,

    I am happy to hear all is well at home, I also thought with some of the post during and after the tour there was some trouble at home. It must be hard to be away from your family and I am sure they support everything you do to provide for them. So the story is not ruined, we just want to make sure your life is at the best place it can be. My family and kids are what I look forward to more than anything everyday, its why I put up with a lot of BS. The only other thing I look forward to are your post, album releases and tours. So just know we care about you as a person and not just a form of entertainment. Great updates on ISI 2 and KK2 really look forward to these relaeses and the new website.

    Best Regards,

    Jason (jmb066)

  14. avatar
    fantasticandy | 16 June 2010 at 6:50 pm #

    ooh-er, doodles too!

  15. avatar
    cazziem | 16 June 2010 at 9:00 pm #

    i look for nothing
    yet i see everything

    from my own experience, the is the best way to see everything. The rest of the time a lot of us waste too much time and energy looking for something that isn't there and it can be one hell of a kick in the teeth if you realise it only existed in your imagination in the first place.

  16. avatar
    princey | 16 June 2010 at 10:38 pm #

    Hoping you had an alright time here in Melby sk, now back to the warmth of Bondi.

    (Yeah, too right cazziem!)

  17. avatar
    steve kilbey | 16 June 2010 at 11:54 pm #

    craigie milla…good to have ya back son
    i hope you never quit yoga again
    mr parsifal we are in concurrence here
    we both seek that same grail, sir
    andy thanks for remembering my doodles
    my doodles are the core of my sanity
    lovely smart AND kind
    cazziem : always some good advice i thank you
    diamanda : my one true fan forever and ever
    i salute you
    freddie black : you rocketh my world
    lara : you clever devil
    hellbound h : one day you will fly
    you other guys: thanks for the concern
    i appreciate it
    sk


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