posted on February 28, 2009 at 8:21 pm

me n kilbey rock up to rehearsal
kilbey complaining n shuddering
we turn up there
miles out in some bleak place
no river no trees no leafy space
factories and wear-houses
kilbey storms across the carpark in a huff
who fuckin’ booked this place he says
jesus look at our hero
in the inevitable army shirt n cord shorts
his sunglasses that make everything orange
wispy bloody hair
white beard
man his pop star days are long gone
he accelerates across the carpark tho
and hits the chocky bar inside the place
immediately bitchin’ at the owner for his “poor selection”
fat vegan you are …i say softly
somebody laughs
kilbey rounds on me
i am what you say i am …he hisses
oh an old line to be sure
kilbey pulls the wrapper off a kinder surprise
and gorges on the choc
ho he takes it downquick
and he trundles into the room listlessly
theres all the boys
and the nice one
and olde you know who
plus some roadies
kilbey chucks on his bass
ooh he hasnt played in a while n now his fingys are saw
ooh lemme play i say
kilbey sullenly hands me the bass
you do fucken better he growls
and the band strike up our new song
boogie in E #
which is about mans basic inhumanity to man
kilbey sings a bit
his ears are hurting
his throat is hurting
his fingers is hurting
oh fer fucks sake c’mon
dingo sets up a little grande piano
and kilbey and i do a duet
on a mawkish maudlin embarrassing tune
about being all sensitive
and all that jazz
we have an argument over the chords
and kilbey slams the lid down on my fingers
what if youd broken them ? i ask
good! he scowls
and opens his 5th tin of berry V energy drink
hey you should cool it on those..that stuff can make ya aggressive..!
he grabs me by the collar
who fucken asked you?!
he goes off to inspect the chocolate selection
while i play and sing n do the work
fuck rehearsal is boring
the others blast away on their rigs
and my ears are ringing like old harry
kilbey pokes his head round the corner
interrupts the song n beckons me
we go out the back
where the guy who runs the place is smoking some dope
oh god aint we had enough i moan
but kilbey is smoking like a demon
wreathed in the poison cloud of noxious fumes
and puffing like the billyo
whatsisname finds us
could one or both of you come back in…please?
how rude he is ..mutters kilbey under his breath
as he wobbles back down the long black corridor
where his fender jazzed bass and his groany voice await
im almost wiv yooo….he warbles
each pluck of the bass ripping up his delicate fingerprince
he stops the song
i hate this song its fucking horrible
cmon stevo… i start
dont fucken start with me ….he chucks the bass down
he storms off again
where he runs through a farce of a yoga routine
and gets bitten by an ant
fucking western suburbs he says
i stay inside n do the right thing
we run through
i am the telescope
and the bass solo is looking good
kilbey is missing out on all this stuff he needs to do
but quite frankly
its better if he stays out there
he comes back in for his felafel n chips
smokes another spliff
and then announcing how tired he is
he sits down at the computer and googles himself
he falls asleep in the sofa
and wakes up with a sore neck n a bad attitude
thats enough for one day…he says
and me n him
pile into our buick
and the night is verily very soft
but guess what
neither of us had any money on us
so i pushed it home
from way out west to cosy in here east
and he complained every step of the way
and it took hundreds of years
dont exaggerate kilbey says
and get with the program
right on!
right on

31 Responses to “double or nothing”

  1. avatar
    the dean | 28 February 2009 at 10:15 pm #

    just as well you’re there to keep kilbey on the straight and narrow.
    why does thechurch bring out the best in him, we’ll never know, penance of some sort. thechurch does demand it’s price for redemption.

  2. avatar
    Richard | 28 February 2009 at 10:58 pm #

    putting the hearse into rehearsal

  3. avatar
    Jasperina | 28 February 2009 at 11:50 pm #

    Sore neck and a bad attitude could be wherever you are needs the soothing sweet presence of your feminine alter ego.

  4. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 1 March 2009 at 12:38 am #

    I have empathy for SK. For the past 17 years The Church continue to release increasingly majestic, psychedelic and paramount music. They get a few very good reviews from a handful of astute critics. I imagine that their record sales are an insult to the quality of their incredible music. From 1986 to 1990 they were an international band. Starfish was huge. Priest=Aura was ten times better and I surmise it sold ten times fewer copies. “Hologram of Baal”, “Forget Yourself” and ” “After Everything Now This” are all better than any U2 or arguably even Radiohead CD.

    You can only do so much good when getting such an unfair lack of positive reinforcement. SK can surely relate to Nick Drake.

  5. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 1 March 2009 at 12:58 am #

    to prove you all are at rehearsal, I would like to see MWP or PK pop up on your blogspot…
    Jonny Hollywood

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 1:20 am #

    yeah,id like to see that too jonny.then we can all pretend that they didnt post a comment’s mary?

  7. avatar
    Freddie | 1 March 2009 at 1:38 am #

    Hey you!
    Don’t tell Kilbey he’s a fat vegan!
    We saw The Triffids show on the i-net.
    “Yeah, and he’s FINE!!”

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 2:36 am #

    Oh dear when is lil’ Steven going to learn to play nicely with his bandmates? Maybe he needs to write 100 times on his blogspot blackboard “I must play Almost With You with a smile on my face and cut down on the chocolate.”

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 2:55 am #

    100 x and the f word is not allowed to start appearing in the statement.

  10. avatar
    limebeaver | 1 March 2009 at 3:10 am #

    perhaps an audience of approx 8000 clapping and loving SK at the golden plains will cheer him up?

  11. avatar
    eek | 1 March 2009 at 3:29 am #

    Ah, so rehearsal went well.


  12. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 1 March 2009 at 4:32 am #

    hmmm sounds like that kilbey joker had the pooeys…..tell ya what, talking of chocolate bars, those cadbury boost bars should be outlawed…too addictive!
    love always…..

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 7:18 am #

    Coldness never felt so comfortable, velvetycave, “beautiful princess stares across the sea alone in her castle dark and grey”, the clock melts, the seagulls run, “what time is it? it’s for you my tears I shed”, “what can be done, you won’t believe”, velvetycave in no cage, you sing for me. Replace the wound, reprogram the world, distance doesn’t fit us, the space is large, larger, largest, it can’t be said, can never be, fire amongst the clouds, burn in the crowd, a face in the sun, hope through the sand, you glow in the torment, delicacy grows, fingers reach, richer streams, streaming and dreaming, strumming and going along, hiding in the snow, showing off in a single blow, never a false mistake. Arrives safely, never seek what’s just fine, higher and higher, further and farther, more and even more, alonetogether, closer. Arranged or random, deciding not deciding, on handheartmind, we flow in a single string, the thread behind your head screams, like a boat we float, connection connection, intercontinental, pangaea, eternity sucks us in, trading electric dreams for fragmented hours, flowers all around, feasts fists beasts trysts, lyrical possession of destiny’s meaning, not knowing where it ends or begins, desolated places in secret corners, childhood concealed, angelhood revealed, anaesthesia down so deep, quickly, quicker, america amor beyond all.

  14. avatar
    davem | 1 March 2009 at 7:52 am #

    A sad read today.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 8:30 am #

    what a joke

  16. avatar
    fantasticandy | 1 March 2009 at 9:06 am #

    oh killer,…yer a curmodgenly olde sod aint ya……..
    we were doing the same thing last night.
    first time wev’e played live yogether for a while too.
    didn’t comment yesterday because i wanted to get our rehearsals done and see how I felt………..
    we hadn’t been getting on as well as we might, four writers in this band too….you know what i mean.
    we started out so-so.
    but once the cobwebs had been blown away….
    we were on fire.
    don’t forget steve we’re a bunch of old boys ourselves.
    it’s a shame you can’t get a little more joy from the band…there isn’t a better one…
    thanks for doing this for us,
    i just wish it didn’t hurt ya so much.
    love ‘n respect as always,
    amdy L.

  17. avatar
    fantasticandy | 1 March 2009 at 9:08 am #

    amdy who?
    i’m all choked up………

  18. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 1 March 2009 at 10:15 am #

    amdy??? amdy??? snigger snigger chuckle snort….(sorry mate, couldn’t help myself)…
    brien, i wholeheartedly agree that church/sk produces the best music around but by the same token i went out and bought U2’s latest album today and i am quite happily listening to it now….gotta say it, i listen to good music where i can find it…
    peace and love, brien….

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 12:37 pm #

    You poor bastard doppelganger, God, get out the violins

  20. avatar
    matthew | 1 March 2009 at 1:53 pm #

    oops, I’m deleted? cheers.

  21. avatar
    matthew | 1 March 2009 at 1:54 pm #

    missing in ac – showwwn.

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 1:55 pm #

    Kilbey, please fuck my arse!


  23. avatar
    Freddie | 1 March 2009 at 2:03 pm #

    Yeah, I’m starting to get the feeling that this may be the last dance 🙁

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    Bash in my back door, Kilbo! No lube required!

    Gareth, Notts

  25. avatar
    daveoto | 1 March 2009 at 3:12 pm #

    What excites you theses days my friend? What gets those incredible, prolific, creative juices flowing?
    Is it playing with Thee Mr Ricky & all the side/solo projects??
    Can you no longer bare to be part of the creation that spawned the time being? Is there no room in your life for that part of your being?
    That makes me sad. But you should only do what brings you joy & what does get those creative juices flowing. No point in making half-hearted attempts & tainting the legacy.
    Maybe it's a blip. Maybe you're testing the waters. Maybe you're the devils advocate. Maybe you don't really mean it. Maybe there's a God. (with a capital G).
    Who knows? Do you?
    The new U2 album's okay. BUT i know it won't be as good as The new Churchy-one. For, like it or not, brand name or not, singular or plural; The Church are one of the best bands on this living planet. Always will be; alive or dead.
    To be continued??
    God Bless.

  26. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 1 March 2009 at 5:33 pm #

    Hellbound Heart:

    I respect U2. Bono is a great vocalist and the Edge is a stellar guitarist. If The Church were justly rewarded with millions of CD sales I would not begrudge U2 at all.

    AC/DC is an entirely different story.

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 6:10 pm #

    Nice real nice Steven

  28. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 1 March 2009 at 6:32 pm #

    I must admit I don’t like U2 at all. I find them tedious and Bono’s vocals tiresome.
    The Church elicits excitement in me.

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 March 2009 at 7:28 pm #

    ouch, sad read. i realize that it could be more kilbey poetic liscense, thrown out here to get a rise out of us, but……

    grateful, as always

  30. avatar
    lily was here | 1 March 2009 at 10:55 pm #

    I heard rehearsals sounded amazing but after your spectacular Triffids experience (great performance Killer!) maybe you’re feeling a bit like the cliche spouse returning from an exciting trip away to his same old same old 🙂 Me, I cant wait to hear the new songs, must be weird to play them new after all this time. Cant wait to see you!

    love xox

    ps they were dancing!

    Thomas, Im not fond of Bono’s voice either.

  31. avatar
    Lian | 2 March 2009 at 12:11 am #

    Well, dear lily, many times I find it isn’t easy for me to get every word right…even though I always try my best, but I strongly feel that the word Performance just ain’t quite proper to use on Mr.Kilbey.

    Many singers can sing, they just sing; Some singer perform. Some don’t sing, they don’t perform, they burn their life.

    When I watch Van gogh’s flowers, I always feel it. He wasn’t painting, baby. That’s the difference betweeen Vangogh and Picasso.

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