posted on July 13, 2008 at 10:03 pm

words are hard to find
last night i dreamed i had a day to live
i had been diagnosed with cancer in my head
and i had one day to live…
deep in my dream
i had no idea i was lying in bed dreaming…
i was at some hotel/gig/ concert
everyone knew i was gonna die tomorrow
i was on the phone trying to make arrangements…
who would look after my family…?
who would raise my poor sweet daughters…?
still the time ticked on in my dream
tomorrow loomed impossibly although it never arrived
tomorrow just sat there threatening tho’ never revealing itself
i still had to play my show
whatever it was i was booked for
they were holding me to it….
i railed against my fate in my head
i imagined my obituaries
no no …this could not be happening to me
i mean….tomorrow….
the doctor was specific…tomorrow!
were they gonna euthanase me or what?
i met people i knew
oh too bad about tomorrow they all said
and went back to their usual chatter
all the things that would be happening after i was gone
i tried to call my wife
but couldnt get through all the tears
it was tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow
a big black nothing waiting to swallow me up
leaving everyone i cared for bereft
leaving everything undone
death didnt care
it was waiting patiently for tomorrow
my last night finally arrived
in a haze of tears and confusion i wandered the streets
people going about their usual things
all would still remain when i was gone
everything carrying on as before
i would fall
but everything else would carry on
as it will and it should
ah…..
the dream never finished properly
obviously i woke up
it was 8 00 on a dreary monday morning
i was still alive
no death sentence
everyone else here asleep
the streets quiet
a heater lightly whirring on
the house silent
i feel shaken
i feel scared
i feel temporary
the world seems strange, almost counterfeit
i feel spooked
a warning?
or just my stupid mind playing havoc within itself..
(kilbey suppresses a shudder…)
ok then

39 Responses to “dream of death”

  1. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 13 July 2008 at 10:33 pm #

    dream a little death dream…
    Jonny

  2. avatar
    princey | 13 July 2008 at 10:57 pm #

    Not a nice way to wake up sk, just as well dreams never come true, good or bad.
    What would become of us fiendssss without you here everyday?SHUDDER!!
    Love and sweet dreams tonite,
    Amanda

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 July 2008 at 10:57 pm #

    Don’t worry. To dream of death usually means a rebirth is about to happen.

    And it will

  4. avatar
    the dean | 13 July 2008 at 11:20 pm #

    the pope’s been up all night brewing an evil spell on you.

  5. avatar
    kat | 13 July 2008 at 11:41 pm #

    i’ve had those kind of dreams, except mom or dad are coming to me. & i wake up thinking, am i going to them?! i used to dream about dad, that we are all together again.. and then he died all over again. thankfully i don’t have many of those dreams anymore. but i certainly do miss people. my friend laura, on myspace.. really did die, last december, of cancer. and i hope she is ok, i worry, as a spiritual person> she was an atheist.

    live each day, killa!

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 July 2008 at 11:43 pm #

    a rather heavy does of the Monday blues mayhap….although, as a non 9-5 Mon-Fri guy, that rule may not apply to you.

  7. avatar
    veleska1970 | 14 July 2008 at 12:12 am #

    oh, what a horrible dream!! i hate it when i have similar ones. but, it’s just a dream.

    hope that didn’t shake you up too much. have a good day, steve.

    lotza love….

  8. avatar
    steve kilbey | 14 July 2008 at 2:20 am #

    ive just come home and scarlet has smeared blue paint all over my latest painting
    i did my fucking block
    n
    now im exhausted
    looking at the ruins of my painting
    all energy gone
    such is life
    AAAARGHHHH@#$%$#^&*(^^^%!

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2008 at 2:26 am #

    death of a painting me thinks

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2008 at 2:28 am #

    lay off the powdered newt ole fella and avoid those white knuckle dreammares

  11. avatar
    kat | 14 July 2008 at 2:34 am #

    that sux, sk…

  12. avatar
    princey | 14 July 2008 at 3:27 am #

    Oh shiiiiite!!

    I’ve just come home and found an email of Zoo42 from EMC, beautiful stuff!!!

    Cheeky Scarlet!! it’s hard sometimes to forgive and forget, but I’m sure she’ll never, ever do it again after that blasting!
    Love Amanda

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2008 at 3:32 am #

    my mom had my kids for the weekend…man,i love my kids but my wife and I had a blissful kids free weekend…we went and saw some bands, stayed up late, got up late…aaaah…kids…gotta love them but when it comes to blue paint….

  14. avatar
    eek | 14 July 2008 at 4:07 am #

    That would be unsettling to say the least. Though I would think it would be worse to have the same dream and not feel sad and worried and spooked. That you’d hate to leave means you have much to keep you here. Doesn’t make for a very restful sleep though.

    Ack!! Scarlet’s in the doghouse now! That kind of thing is so discouraging. You know it’s not the end of the world, but it’s so hard to get back on track.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    And to expand on Amanda’s comment about the EMC. EMC is the Esoteric Music Club, a Karmic Hit creation. Here’s the blurb from the KH website:

    We are proud to announce the arrival of the Esoteric Music Club. Every week we’ll post a new MP3, available nowhere else and specially written for the EMC. We encourage you to download, listen and THEN donate, subscribe and become an EMC patron – with whatever you think the song is worth! In this way you can directly keep us doing what we love: making new music while you can be assured of great new music every week. We’ve got some amazing tracks already in the EMC library which we can’t wait for you to hear – so get to it and support the EMC.

    The first track is Zoo 42 by the one and only SK and the one and only JK (two one and only’s on one song — it has to be fantastic!! 😉 ), so get going!!

    Click here to download the song and to sign up for the KH and EMC email list.

  15. avatar
    knot | 14 July 2008 at 4:14 am #

    ironic
    my mom is in icu now, and we are not sue what will happen with her
    she has been sick for a very long time

  16. avatar
    lily was here | 14 July 2008 at 4:58 am #

    oh no, to the painting! She probably thought she’d done a great job too.

    To dream of death is to be awake to life, if that makes sense… mortality is on your mind I’d say. tomorrow’s dream you might be naked and painted blue

    xxx
    ps
    sorry to hear that Knot

  17. avatar
    craig1.618 | 14 July 2008 at 5:22 am #

    and just like that……it comes true

    that part of you died today

    a sublimated catharsis

    perhaps

    deaths dream

  18. avatar
    matt davison | 14 July 2008 at 6:11 am #

    hmmmm I ve had heeps of those dreams in the last few months

    We are all connected by our crap dreams SK. You are not alone!

    *Just remember as artists we can just do it again!!! and better

    md

  19. avatar
    golden thorn in my paw | 14 July 2008 at 6:49 am #

    this 2 shall pass

    lots of love to uou and yours

  20. avatar
    limebeaver | 14 July 2008 at 8:09 am #

    Hey Steve,
    I recently read about Freebass, the band with mani, peter hook and andy rourke all playing bass. Apparently they are looking for a singer who ‘looked good, sounded good and wasnt a @unt’. Sounds like the perfect gig for you, and you could add another bass… You would fit in perfectly in that esteemed company. Get in there!
    cheers
    Limebeaver

  21. avatar
    woods | 14 July 2008 at 8:13 am #

    Scarlett wants to paint! Encourage her. Maybe give her a special area and her own little tools? Sorry about your painting. :/

  22. avatar
    steve kilbey | 14 July 2008 at 8:50 am #

    sorry beaver
    i am a @unt

  23. avatar
    fantasticandy | 14 July 2008 at 9:24 am #

    all too strange!

  24. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 14 July 2008 at 11:59 am #

    …strange you should talk about cancer, my week down home was ‘eventful’ but in a way that nobody wants it to be…i found out that mum’s having an operation in a few weeks time to get her ovaries removed; one has a cyst on it and the other has something on it that has a 50:50 chance of being malignant…fuck, man, shit happens…
    i send you and your family the very best wishes, knot…
    steve, paintings can be replaced, people can’t…go and give your daughter a hug and tell her that you love her…
    love always…

  25. avatar
    Melby Symon | 14 July 2008 at 12:34 pm #

    So many people around us dying now…a sign of our advancing years. Haven’t had a dream like that…but increasingly my thoughts tend to drift on a daily basis about the fragility of my life. I have come to the sad conclusion that it really is a fucking pointless existence.

    Busy busy busy…rush rush rush…meet this person…do that thing…go there…come here. For what !!!!!!!!! I sure hope that I work out what is real and make more of my life before it’s time to shuffle of this mortal coil.

    Long live the king…(that’s you steve !)

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2008 at 12:35 pm #

    Steve, you’ll do other paintings. There’s only one Scarlet.

  27. avatar
    ross b | 14 July 2008 at 12:50 pm #

    ‘tomorrow’ never comes, particularly in dreamworld, so rest assured!

    ‘life’s a bowl of cherries’ i was told over the phone tonight…we had a good laugh over that, in relation to certain bits of craziness going on around us…

    Have a good restful night & day sk,
    Kinds to you & all, R.

  28. avatar
    matthew | 14 July 2008 at 1:39 pm #

    Wow man, that was very sad and moving! But seriously, it probably means nothing whatsoever in terms of the future. Subconscious fears etc. (my sagely wisdom….) Take it easy!

  29. avatar
    matthew | 14 July 2008 at 1:43 pm #

    Ohh! And then I just read the bit about Scarlet and the blue paint (colour opposites!) … oh dear…. death of a painting? So sorry!

  30. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 14 July 2008 at 2:35 pm #

    I enjoyed this nighmarish dream blog because it reinforced my creed that we must take one day at a time. I’ve had much worse dreams but I’m single with no kids. It was intersting that even in his dream Sk’s concern for his daughters was paramount. Commendable !

  31. avatar
    Polydora | 14 July 2008 at 3:00 pm #

    A bit eerie… I don’t want to spook you more but two nights before my hubby passed I dream Death had left a message on our answering machine (it was the second dream of him dying I would have – well, technically the third if you count the one I had before ever meeting him).

    Anyhoo, Death left a message saying: “So ‘n’ So, it’s your time to die. You will die. There is no avoiding me. You will die.”

    I woke up. Called him in Chicago in a panic … “what if it’s one of my premonitions?” I ask, shaken.

    “No, no, honey. It’s not. Don’t worry. It’s just your fear is all. Now that you’ve shared it, it has no power.” He tried to reassure me.

    One night later he came home (two days before he was supposed to) ‘Because he HAD to see me’

    And the next morning he was gone.

    so… shit… that’s kinda eerie and I was just talking about death dreams last night with my friend sky.

    hmmm…. don’t know killer. We never know when it’s the real deal or not, do we?

    And that’s good.

  32. avatar
    Cee | 14 July 2008 at 3:56 pm #

    Heavy vibes today…

  33. avatar
    veleska1970 | 14 July 2008 at 3:57 pm #

    “ive just come home and scarlet has smeared blue paint all over my latest painting”
    aren’t kids lovely? LOL 😉

    actually~~is it a total loss? can you incorporate her, uh, contribution into it somehow?

  34. avatar
    davem | 14 July 2008 at 5:32 pm #

    I’m banking on you outliving me and I don’t intend to pop off for another 30 years or so.
    Your comment to Limebeaver just had me fucking howling. Excellent!!

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2008 at 7:45 pm #

    who is “beaver”anyway?

  36. avatar
    ^jax | 14 July 2008 at 8:14 pm #

    heya sk^
    I just read about the ‘Blue Scarlett Incident’ remember last time that happened you turned it around or upside down and made something out of it? Also you can write a song called ‘ Blue Scarlett Incident’ life goes on.. Oh yeah Jeffrey Cain sent me an email there is a new Isadore but the singer ain’t SK i fear..

  37. avatar
    CSTCoach | 14 July 2008 at 11:04 pm #

    those kinda dreams have a sort of hangover effect, their resonance is difficult to shake for the rest of the morning. never a pleasant experience – but i think just metaphorical, subconscious junk working its way out…

    zoo42 is a nice little tune! very cool! and i love the project concept. 21st century marketing by a 21st century renaissance man.

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 July 2008 at 2:04 am #

    A one off SK & SK painting……mmmm could be worth a fortune in the years to come.

  39. avatar
    prince michael PELAO III | 14 July 2009 at 5:22 am #

    does it make anymoresense a year-into-it? what with your post-traumatic-economic blues whatnot? a death replaces another…be well


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