posted on May 24, 2009 at 1:58 am

nk pops out to a bar for some drinks with friends
she comes home with a bottle of bubbly
(plus)
would you like some darling i ask
yes please she says
i pull off the wrapper on the cork
you know
the aluminium white wrapper
then the cork has this bit of wire
i undo the wire and i walk to the back door
the last cork went sailing over the back fences
i love to hear it land in the dark out there
and i dont wanna wake up the sleeping kids
suddenly
BANG!
THE FUCKING CORK EXPLODES UP OUTTA THE BOTTLE
AND STRAIGHT INTO MY RIGHT EYE!!
i see a white explosion behind my eye
and i reel from the pain n shock
it got me in the eye i keep saying to nk
i sag down in the sofa
why? i keep asking
why? why?
n my eye is a swollen bloody closed up thing
gee i look real rough
i look real nasty
just when you think you have things going so smoothly
the missus the booze (the plus)
then
things blow up in yer face
literally
if it had been one of those corks with the metal tops
i’d be doing the tour as fucking long john silver with an eye patch
and this eye was already swollen from my bike accident in 1967
and now its gonna look real weird
oooh i hope it changes colour like bowies did
imagine me
one greyblue eye
one hazel alien eye
anyway
did me nearly blowing my eyeball out
stop our celebrations of saturday night?
nope

35 Responses to “drinkin’ is bad for ya!”

  1. avatar
    steve kilbey | 24 May 2009 at 2:13 am #

    ps
    in 1972 my dad opened a bottle of champers
    and the metaltopped cork got me right between the eyes
    and dropped me on the spot

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2009 at 2:22 am #

    youch,:(x

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2009 at 2:32 am #

    sk, you are suppose to keep one hand on top of the cork and cage
    at all times.

    r.

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2009 at 2:39 am #

    cd baby rocks.

  5. avatar
    EDD | 24 May 2009 at 3:10 am #

    Look like the champagne is the problem. Stick to Jager HA HA!!!!

  6. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 24 May 2009 at 3:24 am #

    if you’re still around in 2046…wear some protection over your left eye!

  7. avatar
    Larry | 24 May 2009 at 3:30 am #

    Did you press the cold bottle against your eye to reduce the swelling?

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2009 at 3:37 am #

    get that eye checked out.ya can’t afford ta mess with your eyesight.take care.xo

  9. avatar
    Jasperina | 24 May 2009 at 4:29 am #

    Brought a tear to my eye…. but have to confess it was a laughter tear the way you told the tale was so funny…but seriously hope your eye is ok. I’m sure you got plenty of tender care with all your girls around you to make it better.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2009 at 6:52 am #

    ouch Steve, i bet that was champainful…..

  11. avatar
    davem | 24 May 2009 at 8:58 am #

    You clumsy sod!!
    Hope it’s better soon.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2009 at 9:15 am #

    My brother, acting as best man at a friends wedding, opened a bottle of bubbly to toast as part of his speech performance.
    Cork hit expensive deco light above the Bridal table and sent shards of glass raining down on the the bridal party’s food and the wedding cake.

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2009 at 10:34 am #

    dude

    your knack for timing is truely a work of wonder….good luck with the tour bud….and the press photos…should look good…on the flip side, hope not too much damage incurred!!

    M

  14. avatar
    matt davison | 24 May 2009 at 10:51 am #

    Bloody Corker of a night then Killer…

    sorry couldn’t resist

    Hope ya Ok pal!!

    Md

  15. avatar
    Freddie | 24 May 2009 at 10:55 am #

    Can I lay my hands on you? πŸ˜‰ Seriously tho’ let the doctor (a real one) take a look at it even if you think it’s going to be okay.

  16. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 24 May 2009 at 11:14 am #

    damn, you should have thought about what you were going to write about your eye before you posted this…..you could’ve given us this really impressive yarn about having it out with some local meat-eating, red-neck yobbo (and you should’ve seen the other guy!!!)
    love always….

    ps gave isidore a listen for the first time in a while and man, it fucking blew me away…..brilliant

  17. avatar
    CSTCoach | 24 May 2009 at 2:37 pm #

    LMAO! jesus you’re a boob!

  18. avatar
    matthew | 24 May 2009 at 4:17 pm #

    Ouchie… hope your eye is ok SK! Otherwise… practice saying “arrrgh” and yer general reliable Pirate vernacular… Take care.

  19. avatar
    restaurant mark | 24 May 2009 at 5:02 pm #

    it’s all fun and games till someone puts an eye out…

    hope you feel better man

    take care
    mark

  20. avatar
    veleska1970 | 24 May 2009 at 6:38 pm #

    OMG!! you’re lucky you didn’t put your eye out. i hope you put some ice on it to reduce the swelling. hope you’re better soon.

    lotza love….

  21. avatar
    frank | 24 May 2009 at 7:17 pm #

    That’s why I drink beer…never been hit in the head w/ a beer cap.

  22. avatar
    frank | 24 May 2009 at 7:29 pm #

    Ok hear is something for the band. I noticed you guys were not playing in Western Massachusetts and there is a perfect venue for you there…in fact I bet if you try you could get booked on an off night on your tour. Your solo act and Wilson Pipers would also do well there.

    Here is their link…you would like this place.

    http://www.iheg.com

    It’s called The Iron Horse and they also own the Calvin Theater and Peral Street Night Club.

    They have three venues there. There are 10 colleges within ten miles there and The Church would do well.

    Another is called the Bull Run in Shirley Mass near Worcester.

    http://www.bullrunrestaurant.com/

    I will be at the Foxboro show at Showcase live as I moved out this way a few years ago.

    Cheers!

  23. avatar
    Joanna Satana | 24 May 2009 at 8:06 pm #

    you’d look badass with an eyepatch….. but then you’d need a hook for a hand to round out the look….. which would put quite the damper on yer bass playin’ and paintin’

    Super glad yer peeper is alright. glad it didn’t spoil the celebrating in the end…..

  24. avatar
    jaime r... | 24 May 2009 at 8:24 pm #

    Ouch brother..
    hope you’re okay..
    that’s ruff stuff..
    take care SK

    jaime r………

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2009 at 8:42 pm #

    i wonder what grief today has instore :(xo

  26. avatar
    eek | 24 May 2009 at 9:23 pm #

    Ouch! That hurt just reading about. Hope it heals quickly. (If you have any changes in vision — light flashes, blurred vision, any loss of central or peripheral vision, etc. — get to an eye doctor right away.)

    “did me nearly blowing my eyeball out
    stop our celebrations of saturday night?
    nope”

    Of course! Have to keep your priorities straight! πŸ˜‰

  27. avatar
    EDD | 24 May 2009 at 9:39 pm #

    Champainful….classic. Sounds like a band name.

  28. avatar
    fantasticandy | 24 May 2009 at 10:20 pm #

    christ on a bike!
    i don’t belive this……
    JUL 5 SUN 2009 STUDIO THEATRE HAMILTON PLACE
    http://www.hecfi.on.ca/hamiltonplace/
    10 McNab Street South Hamilton,
    ON L8P 4Y3 Canada
    Ph 905-546-3100
    Gen Admission @ $35
    Advance $40 day of show
    All Ages Admitted
    Co-Headliner – Van der Graaf Generator
    my two favourite bands and artists of all time(kilbey and hammill)co-headlining.

    simply THE best rock gig in history!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    the two most stunningly creative men in rock, fronting the two most vital bands on this planet on the same bill!
    wow! wow! wow! wow! wow!
    damn killer…what a show…….
    the VDGG fans will love you guys,
    and vice-versa…..

  29. avatar
    princey | 24 May 2009 at 11:02 pm #

    Hope you’re feeling better today sk.
    Have started reading your bio (picked it up at Polyester Books, Fitzroy if any Melby fiends want it a.s.a.p.!) and I must say I never realised how LONG you’d been playing music before The Church even made it to the Aussie charts! Some other interesting bits’n’pieces in there too I never would have known about my Australian Idol, and that’s only 88pages into it! I’ll be reading the rest while my son’s at kinder this afternoon, can’t wait!
    love Amanda

  30. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 May 2009 at 11:31 pm #

    Bad karma for me too. Nose surgery this week.

  31. avatar
    jehovah | 24 May 2009 at 11:35 pm #

    Talk about me like that again and it’ll be even worse, puny human!

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 May 2009 at 3:12 am #

    hope the eye is okay today.

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 May 2009 at 4:16 am #

    Hi SK,
    Hope the eye is on the mend soon. Maybe Arnica will help if you have bruising – its the manuka honey of bruises πŸ˜‰
    Loving the KK record which came from CD baby yesterday. It’s one of your best matched collaborations ever! So far….
    That’s another Frank in Mass above there by the way.
    This is belfrank

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 May 2009 at 5:24 am #

    Kilbo Bugger!
    As Tom Wait’s once said”Champagne for my freind’s, real pain for everyone else”
    Xtian
    OK that wasnt so funny but Hobart’s freezing and i have the ‘flu. . .

  35. avatar
    CSTCoach | 25 May 2009 at 3:11 pm #

    andy, that hamilton gig is only about 40 minutes from me πŸ™‚


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