posted on June 6, 2011 at 2:11 pm

sudden revelation of elevation

anger is fire

anger all consuming rising up in the gorge

anger screaming demanding burning

anger pierces me in the side

anger dressed in flames races through me leaves me ash

see me go up like a forest in summer

fight anger with anger

pour on more anger

fight fire with fire

the indignant the proud the cruel the furious fury

revenge and hatred and  ire and loathing

yes let them be unleashed

pull down violence and pain

anger must be appeased

it is too big to be extinguished

too in to be put out

anger is red anger is male anger is singular

anger is not an energy it is an explosion of energy

anger oh you know you will regret it but who can resist?

not me

i aint no gentleman jim

i aint no saint

i aint no turn the other fucking cheek

anger is within me waiting its turn opportunistically

volcano of white hot lava see me blow my top

a certain pathetic ratbag

who infested my house uninvited gets mentioned

and baby i am at fever fucking pitch before the second syllable …

that the universe could produce these individuals

so devoid of any moral compass

capable of any treachery or perjury or trespass

hyaenas would shake their heads

jackals would cross the street to avoid them

tyrants would suck in their breath

any image of ratbag

any mention of ratbag

any attempt at any amelioration of ratbag

fucking incenses one  to some high blood pressure hell

this anathema to decency

this collision with uselessness

this constant forced exposure to sheer misery personified

oh steven i stand back and fear for your health when i see you like this

i know my muse but the elemental is feeding off this

it wont let  me alone

and i cant let it go

whenever of think of this wretch

the elemental in waiting appears in my brain

before i know it i am a crazy man

riding a crazy horse

and i cant get off until the ride is all over

my mouth fills with the vilest words

and my heart pumps with boiling blood

my spleen and bile

the great winter of my discontent

the discordant notes in my music

the throb of pain in my head

the elemental is fed

the anger subsides

it leaves me empty handed gasping for breath

my mind is a scorched earth

my heart is cold and turgid

my perspective gone

my day shattered

my composure decomposed

my stitch unravelling

my valves bouncing

my engine warped

my train of thought derailed

and the elemental sleeps and waits

until there is something again for it to eat






43 Responses to “elemental notes”

  1. avatar
    let it go bro | 6 June 2011 at 4:22 pm #

    Steve, let it go bro. Allowing this ratbag to continue to harm you is crazy. You don’t necessarily have to forget or forgive, just let it go. Otherwise there will be no end to the negativity loop. Life is short, after all.

    Shammy Ramdah

  2. avatar
    let it go bro | 6 June 2011 at 4:50 pm #

    Its actually not that hard to do. Understanding the mechanism makes it that much easier my friend. At the core your fragile ego was harmed. Not a knock, all human egos are quite fragile as you know. It is a way of putting yourself as the center of the universe when actually we are all bit players. You can keep the anger if you prefer, it serves as a fantastic barrier to God unfortunately. I am long time reader of your blog. I remember quite some time ago there was a failed musician or something of that sort harrassing you. You could easily see the futility in his actions. Very sad actually. A person harms us for a brief period of time and yet we allow them to harm us in perpetuum, all over our relatively insignificant ego. My best thoughts to you Steve.

    Shammy Ramdah

  3. avatar
    DavidP | 6 June 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    i know how you feel
    to some extent at least or maybe more?
    who is a saint? except for the saints…
    at least you can see the monkey on your back
    at least you can see how it operates
    at least you do regret and lament it
    the smiling assassin that it is
    what a monster it can be in us all
    seeing it and regreting it are vital first steps
    to reducing and yes ultimately getting rid of it
    in my experience (& others) anyway
    not that ive completely gotten rid of it
    but i can say it has reduced
    progress is not made in a straight line
    there are ups and downs, slip ups
    the monster wont be slain in one go
    its a war, there are skirmishes
    you win some, you lose some, but the war isnt lost
    a wise one once said
    Do Not Resist Evil
    we dont fight fire with fire and expect to put it out
    you cant let it go, that’s true of all of us
    we need to appeal to a higher power
    thats the second vital step
    works for me and many others
    the mystical psychological death
    sacrifice something inferior so something superior can take its place
    if we really want to gain more of the opposite of anger
    but we’ve got to really want to be free of it with every cell of our body and every fibre of our being for it to properly work
    if at first we dont feel like that it can be developed
    remember Jesus said we must love our enemies
    we can be right about something but that is no good if it makes us negative
    being right becomes secondary to the negativity
    we cant change others but we can change ourselves fundamentally for the better if we take the right steps
    take care, be aware, watch and pray

    • avatar
      Donna | 7 June 2011 at 12:23 am #

      Hi Dave!! Always love your comments…. Remember, though, Jesus used a WHIP to chase the dirty ratbags out of the temple area,and He sent their stuff flying. He had some choice words for them, too! We must love our enemies, but that doesn’t mean we have to put up with their nonsense!

      • avatar
        DavidP | 7 June 2011 at 10:50 am #

        hi there Donna. I didnt mean to suggest otherwise. I agree with your comment except that I would say he was being assertive rather than angry. Anger is a horrible low dirty energy. In fact it steals our energy. I dont think thats a quality that a spiritual being like Jesus would have. If someone is trampling on our rights or taking advantage of us then of course we should be assertive to protect our rights but I think it can be done without all the negativity of anger. There is a way to be assertive without being angry. Hard to do I know. My favourite spiritual teacher recently said “Forgiveness requires not a giving up of justice nor of the right to defense, but of all the negativity that can distort it. At its highest level actions of others cannot affect love.” – something to reach to.

  4. avatar
    Cath | 6 June 2011 at 4:57 pm #

    And as one elemental energetic nexus to another ?I get ya!
    Molten magma is a power beyond containment and why should we try when its taste is so sweet,
    Yet that is where the artistic genius saves us again and again and again
    And fuels the stories of the furies, of the ghouls , the leacherous and treacherous, lest they turn into mass murdering maniacs,instead they be rhythms and sonic signals of screeching sacrifice.

    Swim…….works for me, dowses the flames so i can at least think again,
    Hope it morphs into more art, I do not hope actually, i know it will cause it is your speciality MR Kilbey 🙂

  5. avatar
    let it go bro | 6 June 2011 at 4:58 pm #

    Very sorry to belabor the point but ironically the ratbag culprit was acting more than likely out of a response to you regarding his own ego, perhaps jealousy, if not something of that sort. shammy

  6. avatar
    Rebecca | 6 June 2011 at 5:08 pm #

    It seems that you actually have it all worked out. Once you realise that it is a mechanism, you can stop the process. First time is the killer, after that it’s child’s play…well almost.

  7. avatar
    Rick in Los Angeles | 6 June 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    I’ve been there. It’s been a while but I remember what it’s like. Everything turns red and then it all goes black. Different circumstances perhaps but the end result was the same. I feel for you, man. I wish there was something I could say to help you through this the same way that your music has helped me over the years. I can only tell you that it gets better and it eventually goes away, Steve. Take care of yourself.

  8. avatar
    mc | 6 June 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    what would david neill do?

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 6 June 2011 at 5:17 pm #

      he’d fuck someones wife or smoke angel dust

      • avatar
        Ess | 6 June 2011 at 6:38 pm #

        I think I was in a relationship with him once or could have been his double

  9. avatar
    Karen | 6 June 2011 at 5:27 pm #

    nothing wrong with being angry well as long as you dont combust… & some people some nasty evil ( Im thinking of a certain someone I cannot stand )Im getting angry just thinking about this person…. some people now im angry..:O
    lot of good that did me reading that :O well being human means getting angry too at times

  10. avatar
    Bernadette Keys | 6 June 2011 at 5:59 pm #

    I understand how you feel like that…its good to be real.

    But I can’t help but think you look like you are wearing a groucho marx nose and glasses in that photo

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 June 2011 at 6:13 pm #

    Good to see you writing it out. Sounds like ratbag wanted to be you but he couldn’t, so he just stole what mattered to you most like a common crook. He’s to be pitied really. Sad excuse for a life that he couldn’t create anything of his own.

    Betrayal’s not an easy thing to get over but you’ve got so much more in you than anger, SK. Try not to get stuck there. All the best to you…

  12. avatar
    Narelle | 6 June 2011 at 8:19 pm #

    the critics do misunderstand…way too often….tell us to become intellectually (can’t think of a better word) feverless and emotionally passionless….in otherwise to be deprived of all feeling, enthusiasm and affection…its only the lower emotions that have to be liquidated
    working on an inner serenity which has no feeling, no enthusiam, and no affection can distract…and how hard is that…head hurting, hard!!…it goes on and on and on…
    yes Steve, the stupid, brainless ‘ratbags’…round them up and ship them off to an island far, far, away

  13. avatar
    Guitarbarella Manestar | 6 June 2011 at 9:22 pm #

    Paint it out? .. Gee as Ratbaggins I’m a bit miffed! Great writing as usual but I dunno… Ratbag seems too good a word for your Nemisis… But yeah..deep deep soul wound.. Thats why.. Time may heal but work distracts….be yourself..and remember to breath deeply after any angst.. No clenching fists by sides either..that makes your heart pump more..
    Open palms and breathe.

  14. avatar
    Heather daydream | 6 June 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    Rock and Roll!

    This is very tight and crunchy; it’s got the sound of swords unsheathing and a man’s deep voice in the icy winter saying “blaggards take no step further else feel the wrath of my cold sword!’ or something…but then, I have been reading Ned Kellys Jerilderie letter as well, so uh….

    Avast ye!


  15. avatar
    Ess | 6 June 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    By the time it manifests it’s mostly all over anyway, just creates quite a mess and that descriptive process you have pretty much nails it.
    I have seen so much damage from free flowing rage, to those expressing and receiving, and I just can’t feel much delight in its image, although I think it’s more useful out than in… I like my passion without rage but that’s just me… but it does have very rare instinctive justification in my life. Can only talk for myself.
    But if you can describe what lies beneath insouciance in the same way that would be something… It’s in that often pre-explosion state that a more sublime and burgeoning chemical dance is going on methinks.
    Jung used to talk about keeping your enemies at a distance for psychological health, or maybe he was talking about dreams (I can’t believe I can’t remember, so much has happened since then…) When I used to work with my dreams for years I knew that when the enemy appeared in the trench beside me there was something urgent and close up to deal with in my psyche/waking life. But I do remember having some relief when I imagined that whoever or whatever was agitating me was a long way away physically. Space has a lot to do with it.
    Not sure if any of that makes sense…

  16. avatar
    Donna | 6 June 2011 at 11:34 pm #

    Steve, It sounds like you have every right to be angry. I guess I wouldn’t tell you to get rid of your anger, because sometimes anger is the right reaction and it helps you to set needed boundaries. I’m definitely a turn-the-other-cheek kind of a gal, but unfortunately many times all this does is give thoughtless, opportunistic people another chance to take yet more advantage of me.

    Over the years I’ve tried to bury my hurt/anger for the sake of getting along and for unity, and also so I don’t let anger so blind me that I forget to enjoy all the good things around me… but all it takes is another thoughtless comment,action, memory to resurrect the anger I thought I had gotten rid of. I think the only time anger is truly extinguished is when the cause of it no longer has any power in our present life.

    In the meantime – I do my best to manage me…not let my anger get the best of me so that I’m ruining the good things that I have, whether it’s health,work, relationships, possessions. Protect them!

    I hope you and your girls are OK. I’ve missed reading your blog. We had some twisters here and were without power for a few days. Thankfully, my house is still standing. Crazy times. Donna

  17. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 6 June 2011 at 11:37 pm #

    Your home is what it is … ‘YOUR FUCKIN HOME’ !!!! Let no trespasser or transgressor, male or female, disrupt the harmony that you work so diligently to achieve. Anger is energy, and yes many say that its wrong and nonproductive. But it exists in all of us for different reasons. I know my stressors and face them accordingly. I have anger and sadness, sometimes at the same time. Human emotions are what makes us human and inhumane at the same time. I can offer up long sage like advice, but i would be a hipocrite because I dwell on the avenues of negative emotions, So…

    Just do what you must do to restore harmonic balance…

    Darrin K.

    • avatar
      Belfrank | 12 June 2011 at 1:06 pm #

      I’d forgive you if you apologized for calling me ‘AssFrank’ – Darrin.

  18. avatar
    . | 6 June 2011 at 11:43 pm #

    it rips you apart
    like famished flying monkeys
    bound to servitude in the land of oz
    they keep it in
    until it all comes out
    in a fit of rage, know what i’m talkin’ about
    it never goes away
    anger likes a good holiday
    until it returns, guns blazing, it screams and shout
    it’s a demon in disguise
    with a mouth full of fruit flies
    there to rain on your parade when you think you’ve figured it out

  19. avatar
    Lara | 7 June 2011 at 12:17 am #

    It always feels like a waste of energy, but maybe wrath has some uses. I’m generally pretty serene (probably because I’m so inattentive) but every so often, as my friends tell me, Angus McFarina comes down from the highlands (apologies to the Scots). He does get a few things done.

  20. avatar
    aida morgan | 7 June 2011 at 12:21 am #

    Wow. Hope the anger’s lessened a bit now that you’ve gotten that out! I literally felt my blood pressure rise as I read that. You are quite masterful with words. You give life to anything you describe. I really enjoy reading your work!

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2011 at 1:05 am #

    you know that old saying… don’t burn your bridges? someone would always remind me. I’d affirm back to her that I remembered even though my head was spinning and it seemed no control. she’d continue — don’t listen to that, it’s the most stupid advice out there. it will eat you up inside and you will stay angry forever. and then she’d go on… why would you even care to have any connection with someone so immorally vulgar; see, I think it’s much healthier if you blow the damn bridge up! thank you – you understand. Come on sweetheart, I’ll help you prepare the dynamite so after you can go forward.

  22. avatar
    Mr. Argent | 7 June 2011 at 2:40 am #

    I don’t mean to pontificate, I don’t want to presume–just trying to be constructive. These are some of my favored assessments:

    “Anger is not bad. Anger can be a very positive thing, the thing that moves us beyond the acceptance of evil.”–Joan Chittister

    “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”–Siddharta

    “The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn’t angry enough.”–Bede Jarrett

    “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.”–Marcus Aurelius

  23. avatar
    craig | 7 June 2011 at 3:40 am #

    when I saw them standing in the garage kissing each other goodnight….my heart…. it shattered

    from sadness to intense anger to intense sadness to now this….whatever this is now

    will it ever get better? i sure hope so

  24. avatar
    Steven Krut | 7 June 2011 at 6:32 am #

    Try the traditional cure for anger… tape the guy’s photo to a dartboard!

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2011 at 6:41 am #

    thank fuck-all there is no right or wrong way to be, huh?…only results of what we feed. anger has alot of interesting mechanics to it doesn’t it. anger is never a problem its the misuse of it that can blow us out, so to speak, as you so eloquently write. nice poem as usual. i love everything about your poetry. yah, who says you have to turn any cheeks. that idea is such “christian-damage” isn’t it? sometimes you have to grab them by the throat…no means no. blind-anything is not useful but awake anger is a force of nature herself.

  26. avatar
    davem | 7 June 2011 at 7:41 am #

    Well, I suppose you’ve reached a Victor Meldrew sort of age…..

  27. avatar
    Rub a Dub Dub | 7 June 2011 at 8:25 am #

    That painting you made, “Finally a Good Guy”!? Ha! That’d make anyone really happy, but i should be called a fuckwit!

  28. avatar
    Rub a Dub Dub | 7 June 2011 at 8:58 am #

    Little angry there Es Kay are we? What happened, someone steel your Obama painting, you should count your blessings! by the way i’m the same jealous imbecile who constantly carps on at you and i cant spell “steal” and you can tell i’m the same old moron because the computer ID comes up on your dashboard…btw i love obama and i think george bush is a turkey

  29. avatar
    andy | 7 June 2011 at 9:12 am #

    i don’t know why these kind of people exist at all….
    or how.

  30. avatar
    The Hamburgler | 7 June 2011 at 9:29 am #

    Maybe you should have some meat in your diet…It’d give you a Happy Meal! LOL on the other hand i’m a complete dickhead and meat eating has made me a lard ass idiot

  31. avatar
    Ess | 7 June 2011 at 1:42 pm #

    i ran so fast and i thought you fell away but you have speed
    i hadn’t noticed my friend
    in your shining spiffing turbo charged ferocious mantaray
    i saw that cop car way too late and i slammed
    on that brake
    but the lights were flashing behind me
    and you left me in your retro smokin’ gasket lovin’ wake
    do you know why i pulled you over?
    do you know what you have done?
    said the mask of the sergeant stewing baked and unbecoming
    was i in need of some company?
    do you have my frankincense and myrrh?
    my order of vegan almond tiramisu?
    was i embarrassing myself to the beat of those lovely songs?
    my mind has taken me into an absolute fog
    you hit 142
    and when you saw me you slammed
    the brake and the equation
    changed to 124
    my god how could that happen when i’m so sweet and kind and syrupy
    i wouldn’t break the law deliberately, wouldn’t do that at all
    he let me off at 124 and i ran again to find you
    but you had vanished in that bloody haze
    so i walked along alone again

  32. avatar
    Freddie | 8 June 2011 at 8:58 am #

    Us enlightened folk know that anger is a waste of righteous energy which should be used for more productive things….like getting even!


  33. avatar
    hellbound heart | 10 June 2011 at 8:26 pm #

    anger is male? i would beg to differ here……anger can be a very female thing, i think….just think of a mother whose progeny are threatened……the person who comes to mind when i think fury and venom is a woman very close to me…..
    love always……

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