posted on September 24, 2007 at 5:30 am

sam sejavka has a blog
it promises to be weird n wonderful
but youd expect that from him, wouldnt you?
this fried-day i hit melnibone
playing with david birdie
who ive never met or spoken to
wonder what we’ll do?
a genius should be prepared to think on his feet
so im ready for all contingencies
please feel free to drop in and watch me happen
db will probably blow me off the stage
(dont take that the wrong way, mr humphries)
(mr humphries!)
im flying down early so we can figure things out
simone polinski is doing our mix
im talking to e graham lee from triffids re january shows in syd
the logistics of getting a band back together w/ guest singers
whos doing which song and why…
you also know about kev carmody in early jan at state
your humble hero doing his kc song images of london
be nice to see kev after all these years
never met him when i was “clean”
struggling with commish but will nail it
feel confident i can take on anything n
do it some rough justice
plus i got excelsior on 27 oct
hope i can be as good there as i ended up being in auckland
but i may serve up a christchurch
who knows
not me
i ring my olde mate in can-berra
paul c
to tell him of twillies n minna in particulars fascination
for david bowie circa hunky dory
can she ever get sick of the bewlay brothers?
i listened to that song a bit in rehab
when i was in the one cobain escaped from
the aching painful hours went by like years
i’d lay on my bed listening to bewlay brothers
and reading the gita
i was right there in the moment
with no casing
with no protection
every note n word meant something to my screaming brain
ohhhh and we were gone!
how i longed to be gone
i hadnt quite managed to kill myself
i read that some chick rockstar o.d.ed in the bath
that seemed ok to my ravaged sensibility
i envied her
i envied her her oblivion
i envied her not having chronic insomnia
i wanted to rest in peace like that
in the bath…..just slipping away
i watched the oj fiasco live on tv
if he didnt kill that woman
i aint the mangey panther!
i saw people in the rehab pair up
even tho it was against the rules
i saw em smuggle in drugs but i abstained
i listened to their stories
and they listened to mine
hi im steve n im an addict
i loved telling my story
whatta story
i used to add lots of bits
im an artiste, i embellish the truth
i tell lies to tell the truth
i told em whoppers too
yeah i been on the gear my whole life
yeah im a big rockstar n im real tough
yeah i cant be happy without it
i was in a room with a guy from porno for pyros
martyne, a blonde guy
i played my 12 string in the dusty courtyard
this place was no 5 star motel
“mommy why you staying at this motel again ?”
asked a little black girl who hadnt understood
mommy was a cocaine fiend
towards the end of my stay there
we got buses n went to gyms where i swam
we went to aa n na meetings
where we saw the occaisional famous druggie
joe walsh from the eagles visited me in my room
(this is true)
he used to visit any musicians staying at exodus
(and there were plenty)
i asked him how he liked the other guys in the eagles
who had recently reformed
he spun round n looked at me
“well, i hate the bastards but i aint drinkin'”
dallas from csn and y, the drummer
he was there all the time talking to the junk sick musos
i got his autobiography off him
boy thats a sobering read in rehab
he gave me crosbys book long time gone
jesus ,crosby ended up in a metal cell wanted by the fbi
thank you lord that i didnt go as far down the path as he did
a nurse there told me she knew kurt wasnt gonna make it
“he had that look, ya know
like the baby antelope that gets singled out by the lions
you knew he was lost”
i tried to bust out one day
but my junky contacts in l.a. had all been warned
not to take my calls
besides i had no money
eventually i was driven to airport
where i boarded a plane to sweden
where i spent 6 weeks living in the country
singing my sweet lord n hare krishna to the swedish cows
(they loved it but the farmers told me to piss off!)
i swam in the lake n ate good food
gradually my ability to sleep returned minute by minute
i took the twillies then aged 3 for walks thru the hushed forests
i did the dishes outdoors n washed in the lake
i lay on black basalt rocks alone
in the gentle warm scandic summer sun
and i convalesced
i watched the white swans building their nest in the reeds
i rowed a leaky boat with twillies over to a small church
where karins grandparents were buried
and we put flowers on their graves
minna was confused that they were in the ground
and yet
simultaneously in heaven
i swung in a hammock n was eaten alive by mosquitoes
i saw a sick fox wander into a clearing
i wrote poetry
at night i would take the long path to the lake
looking for sleep in its chilly waters
i cried alone in these lovely but alien nights
i talked to vishnu
i stubbed my toe in the dark
and walked into things
i thought about heroin all the time though
and eventually when i returned to aust
i succumbed again
i was not fixed
i was not finished with it
i still thought i could get back in the ring
with that monster
and have another swing
that monster no one can beat
that bitch whos fucked everyone (up)
that nassty substance hiding in my cortex
whispering its seductive propaganda
“take me back, baby
itll be just like the olde days
you know
when we first started
and i wont hurt you again
i promise
oh baby
you know i’m the only one
can make you feel the way you want
please baby, let me back in”
and as soon as you do
the honeytongued beauty turns into a hideous fury
and she got ya by the balls
and she says
“get down on yer knees boy
im back to stay
and its gonna be real hard to ever git rid of me again”
i been in a famous rehab
but it was real nasty there
i saw a lotta sad things
when peoples families n wives n hubbies
came n visited on the weekend
i saw a guy discover that his fiancee
was with some other coke fiend in a room up the hall
it all happened before my eyes
this most private thing
at a family meeting there one weekend
i saw fathers who refused to acknowledge their kids
n mothers who blamed emselves
“oh little frankie never woulda smoked crack
if i wasnt such a bad mother!!”
“yes, my mother made me a crack addict!”
“oh, if i give her enough wool
will she make me one, too?”
(bitta levity folks
cos i know you find this drug stuff
heavy going
unless you been thru it yerself
i guess it was reading sss blogge
or just cos its part of what made me who i am)
i met lots of characters in these places
junky vetenarians of 60
hookers n whores
pill popping doctors n nurses
coked out lawyers n businessmen
i was in a room with a black guy
who was asking me about sydney
with a view to taking over
this “candy-ass” town)
other stupid musos
like me
maids n models
groupies n group-captains
italians n americans n africans n jews
all hooked on this n that
all trying to get off the hook
there was a poster of john wayne
dressed up as a soldier
and hes saying
if you think lifes tough…try being a speedfreak!
i hated the chemical smell of the place
i hated my injections against the chronic nausea
i was throwin up buckets of green bile
which seared my throat on the way up n out
thats enough of that
it does me good to remember it occaisionally
if you didnt like it
i’ll be back with the candy-ass stuff

63 Responses to “enter / return”

  1. avatar
    paul footlights | 24 September 2007 at 5:37 am #

    Eh? Lazy bugger. 🙂

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 5:39 am #

    I have only just stopped laughing
    Love ya and your funny quirks

  3. avatar
    skyintheairwaves | 24 September 2007 at 5:42 am #

    it’s all about reading between the lines, isn’t it?

  4. avatar
    paul footlights | 24 September 2007 at 5:42 am #

    are ya avin a laff? is he avin a laff?

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 5:44 am #

    Just worry about yerself mate.

  6. avatar
    persephone2u | 24 September 2007 at 5:52 am #

    What a tease!

  7. avatar
    x | 24 September 2007 at 5:59 am #

    every thought that you give your attention to expands and becomes a bigger part of your vibrational mix – your attention invites it into your experience

    so think love man

    and your words are a turn on
    by the way


  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 6:00 am #

    a man of many words,you are SK!..It’s okay Now n Zen to be speechless..sentiment concurred with,and oops,the energy crackles,yes? haha!{spring is sprung}..i especially liked the reference to cheesecake,n PK n Ploogy,in The Well!..not too sure where you were going with the Swan moonpuddle of Jupiter spots though!?…and we en turn return @risq of the Y2B solar flare, in line with life n love..take care ,and have a lovely day…love,as always,gen xxxxx P.S.tis your blog,so i give you my plucked from nowhere phrase to use could say ,as a befitting tribute,to the man who could use vivid wordsmithing,with silence…”Its Marshall,Marshow!”..silence is as golden{to the mind,and heart} sometimes,as music is to the soul n ears ! X

  9. avatar
    Richard | 24 September 2007 at 6:04 am #


  10. avatar
    Faye | 24 September 2007 at 6:11 am #

    Mmmm…UM?…YES!..did you have the cone of silence? are a dreadful tease,but we love it,Steve! xo

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 6:16 am #

    Unfortunately I only get to gloss over the blog quickly these days but when I do have a chance to read properly including comments it’s a veritable Home & Away.
    Keep it up.

    Dutch Pierre

  12. avatar
    craig1.618 | 24 September 2007 at 6:18 am #

    hold down your shift key and your apple key on your ibook

    now hit the number 3 key

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 6:24 am #

    Why enter
    Why return
    Talk about inscrutable.
    In the future this posting will be discussed at length; the meaning of it and where it fit’s into the Kilbey written cannon will be dissected, sliced n diced..
    It will become something significant,
    the combination of words and symbols will resonate
    with new meaning beyond the obvious connection to a keyboard.
    At least 4 theses will be written,
    postulations will be postulated.
    There will be witty variations on enter = return.
    Why enter..and enter what?
    Why return….well why not!
    Possibly it was a mistake, possible Kilbey intended to post more…ah, it’s all about chance…of course.. it refers to the I Ching.
    Or maybe
    Kilbey as created a new blog art form, more/less than a Haiku.. a kind of written take on
    John Cages silent piece – 4.33,
    Why enter
    Why return

  14. avatar
    fantasticandy | 24 September 2007 at 6:52 am #

    awww, c’mon steve….even nowt generates interest!
    have a nice day.
    andy L.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 6:58 am #

    would you like fries with that?

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 7:02 am #

    gee whiz steve, i reckon whatever you cook up with david bridie should be ambrosial…i love his music as it can have the same etheral quality as yours…fuck man, anyone who’s thinking of trying heroin should read today’s blog…talk about lazarus risen, he must be you…
    love always
    -The Hellbound Heart

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 7:18 am #

    The Magician SK!addiction is a bitch,aint it?! You were always gonna live though. X

  18. avatar
    damien | 24 September 2007 at 7:31 am #

    I liked those singles Beargarden released back in the eighties.

  19. avatar
    Fandorin | 24 September 2007 at 8:01 am #

    Deve Bridey & Stave Kilbie…I’m amazed. i loved his record with a bunch of new guinean string bands and drummers. and the one, “circus”, that had a song about Albert Namatjira, called lucidly…well…”Albert Namatjira” (which must be my favourite bridie related song…tell him to play it).
    I guess I’m still stuck on the wrong hemisphere, because of course I won’t make it to the show. I’ll just feel like that 13 year old, knowing the real parties are never where he is.
    music in the exodus…makes me kind of sad, skimming through your occasional drug blog..maybe because i know some people who had actually deserved a bit of suffering…

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 8:08 am #

    Did someone drop the Beargarden word?I thought they were ok,but their downfall is that they expected way too much from their songs,and then when they didnt have the success that they wanted they built themselves up by ad-libbing their prowess..;-( “whole generations,thinkin of themselves as infidels,and pop stars”-Del Amitri../jb

  21. avatar
    JONNY NOT YET SO HOLLYWOODISH | 24 September 2007 at 8:12 am #

    now that was somethin’ eye can relate to…

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 8:22 am #

    Yep, drugs are clearly a good and beneficial thing, guys…

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 8:29 am #

    Steve, whenever you mention this period you’re pretty damn upfront about it all. So, ok, I read in that Go-Be’s biog that it was Grant that got you on the gear. Is that true?

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 8:54 am #

    drugs can distort you in both a positive and negative way.I was taught by my eldest sibling,the correct way to slit my wrists,if I was ever in a predicament which would” bust” her little cocaine business.I did love the “fringe benefits” of being her “runner” around the cross.I was young,and the romanticism of the dark drug world fascinated me.I met some amazing characters,and some whom I{as a person who would give just about anyone my last dollar}wouldnt pee on if they were on fire.I did however make some great art,whilst under the spell of many substances,but heroin,thankfully I never tried,or had a fascination for..very glad you had the strength to pull through SK..I cant imagine how hard it must have been for you….xxA

  25. avatar
    Candy | 24 September 2007 at 10:05 am #

    Ass? x sweet ha-ha! :-)))

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 10:13 am #

    Two Places At Once always reminded me of Bowie’s The Bewlay Brothers. Makes sense now that I know you wrote the song the same year you listened to Bowie’s classic over and over again. That said, though, as much as I love Bewlay Brothers, I love Two Places At Once even more. It’s one of my all-time favourite Church songs.

    Great blog today, Steve!

    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark.

  27. avatar
    not a record-collecting listboy | 24 September 2007 at 10:16 am #

    I have a 1980 Italian vinyl pressing of Hunky Dory with slightly different guitar overdubs and ending on Bewlay Brothers. Don’t get excited though, you trainspotters, the differences are all worse than the original/’real’ version!

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 10:26 am #

    Ok, SK, what have you done with Malcolm Arkey?!

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 10:31 am #

    Thanks for ss’s blog details sk, I had the biggest crush on Sam Sejavka back in the early eighties, and saw Beargarden live a few times (they weren’t that bad!!), but then you came along a few years later sk and I’m still here 20+ years later….gee lucky you…NOT!
    Love always,

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 11:32 am #

    I used to run a shop called “Raging Moon”,in the city.We sold everything from candles,to magic powders,bongs,scales,books,tarotand runes etc, hemp and non mainstream styled clothing.There was a myriad of posters on the walls for sale.Posters were never my thing,but one that i always thought was kind of cool was,”Man made booze.God made weed.Who do you trust”,. I understand the perils of an overactive brain..and Will-o ?I remember you coming into the shop.I recognized you from years back.Put the Church on the CD player especially to jog your memory mate..cheers! x

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 11:37 am #

    God also made Great White Sharks. When you’re up to your neck in the open sea and one of those comes along, see how far your trust in God will get you.

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 11:41 am #

    anon,9:37..”bite me!” haha! sorry,couldnt resist that one:-)

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 11:42 am #

    cows generally dont like anything by george harrison so i think you are mistaken about their enjoyment – i find the cow is more of a bob marley beastie

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 12:14 pm #

    I like cows. Black and white ones.I also like to say “Cow.” Just thought you should know that, Steven.

  35. avatar
    Mild thing | 24 September 2007 at 12:23 pm #

    You mooooooooove me! 🙂

  36. avatar
    I shall remain anonymous,because,this is a really silly joke | 24 September 2007 at 12:45 pm #

    Two cows in a paddock…Daisy{the more glamourous of the two}turns to Buttercup,and says”Mooooooooooooo!”…Buttercup slowly looks up,her big beautiful eyelashes fluttering,and with a wink,says”oh!?………Daise…..I was gonna say that!”:-)))P.S. * John Wayne..please don’t shoot the piano player!?*

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 1:14 pm #

    You can feel the Kilbey relevancy hackles rising from here…don’t make him chuck a William, guys!

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 1:57 pm #

    I love cow bells,truly!such a lovely sound.lucky cows SK!a gypsy solo woodstock,intimate SK gig…happy peace,n good night all! XO

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 2:39 pm #

    and what can we say about that one.
    love the name -dropping, sk


  40. avatar
    persephone2u | 24 September 2007 at 2:45 pm #

    I like this stuff a lot better than the candy-ass stuff. I think you were referring to Kristen Pfaff as the woman who OD’d in her bath in Seattle. I remember that well. So glad you didn’t slip into sweet oblivion yourself the same way back then…

  41. avatar
    syrinx | 24 September 2007 at 3:23 pm #

    Control Shift

    Clear Private Data Now

    99.28% difference in how I think about it because of this blog.

  42. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 September 2007 at 4:49 pm #

    People need to accept the fact that many addicts and alcoholics have chemical inbalances and they use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate. Very few addicts do it to “party”. Anxiety, depression, bipolar illness and attention deficit disorder induce many to seek refuge in narcotics, sedatives, uppers and alcohol. I luv alcohol but it infuriates me that alcoholic prosecutors and judges put nonviolent drug users in prisons with dangerous and violent criminals. The war on drugs is worse that the war in Iraq. SK- Thanks for being nicer to the cows than the farmer was. Cows are sacred and all other creatures r 2. Even humans who are responsible for our fallen state.

  43. avatar
    fantasticandy | 24 September 2007 at 5:29 pm #

    good job i returned!
    as twas a good ‘un!

    ‘don’t buy the brown acid!’
    andy L.

  44. avatar
    gareth,notts | 24 September 2007 at 6:11 pm #

    powerful stuff!…especially ”he had that look,ya know,like the baby antelope that gets singled out by the lions,you knew he was lost”….stopped me in my tracks that one….

  45. avatar
    timf | 24 September 2007 at 7:11 pm #

    doesn’t sound like a whole lotta fun to me.

    Congrats on staying off the gear for as long as you have SK!

    i read in Neil’s bio that he felt he should try and reach out to Kurt Cobain the week before he killed himself. He wasn’t sure why, just that he saw him on tv and perhaps he could see the lad was in trouble, and having seen so many in that same place, recognized something. He never did speak to him (not that it would do any good anyway) and the rest is history.

    “Cause people let me tell you It sent a chill
    up and down my spine
    When I picked up the telephone And heard that he’d died out on the mainline.”

    From Neil Young’s Tonights the Night

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 7:16 pm #

    Lost for words…Heavy Stuff.

    Proof we can all make it out of the darkness.

    Love of a good family, woman etc…

    Love D


  47. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 8:19 pm #

    I’ve heard those voices. Voices from the bottle in my case. I found it much more refreshing to listen to some great music instead. Thank God the battle was won in both cases. You’re the man Steve.

    Ride a white swan,
    Tampa, Fl

  48. avatar
    davem | 24 September 2007 at 8:59 pm #

    My 14-year old has a more eclectic taste in music than me. He likes The Church AND Nirvana – 1 out of 2 ain’t bad. I’m going to get him read this tomorrow morning.
    Love you lots SK.

  49. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 9:01 pm #

    Hugz not Drugz{except for this spliff}Dance,trip-pin’ the light fantastic..Ha-lloooo B.B.B.B -XRex me ciaou!:-))

  50. avatar
    the dean | 24 September 2007 at 10:13 pm #

    You weren’t finished with it when you returned to Sydney, what then?
    “After everything” must be happening at this time. This is poignant stuff and difficult to reveal. Touching.

  51. avatar
    Daberhasher | 24 September 2007 at 11:29 pm #

    god bless you…


  52. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 September 2007 at 11:31 pm #

    yours is better, yours soars

  53. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2007 at 12:32 am #

    Love your Magic SK! You are Strong!You are Exceptional! Bless You Mr.Kilbey! Peace and Love…/cwx

  54. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2007 at 1:14 am #

    talkin’ about the gear ( and it’s destructive effects on said life.) don’t bother me none.

    if it keeps you on the straight and narrow, then i am happy to listen+read?

    Good luck in mall-bored.


  55. avatar
    Olde Amps | 25 September 2007 at 2:06 am #

    Dear Anon at 6.29

    I could be wrong (I don’t have the wonderful Go-Be’s biog on me for reference) but I don’t remember anything about Grant introducing our Killer to the gear…timing doesn’t sound right…I suspect some mistake either on your part, or more unlikely, David Nichols.

    Olde Amps

  56. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2007 at 2:18 am #

    I’m usually looking forward to your next creative blogge and especially your new music ‘n art. Sometimes I wonder that you’re doing alright…buy hey, it makes me look into how I’m doing. I’ve added some things to my sighte if you would like to see more of what I think.

    The db new things: just saw him on Letterman…very interesting music. I’d like to hear how the Triffids sound lately.

    I like The Church AND Nirvana obviously 🙂 Loadsa evidence point away from the N singer’s leap into the fire and I’m still mourning him.

    I met the last manager for CSNY about hmm…4 years ago. He couldn’t get the drugs outta there, not that it was up to him. Last I heard, he still makes music and illustrates/ writes children’s books.



  57. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2007 at 3:16 am #

    fear not the fate of becoming shark bait – the net is back


  58. avatar
    Ansible Jon | 25 September 2007 at 3:35 am #

    Reading every day, just not commenting every day.
    Like Isolde said, i’d write “f-ing brilliant” almost every day but not sure you or the readers want to take the time for such slobbering, heartfelt tho it may be…
    i love hearing about this period in your life. not sure why. never got into that scene myself so i guess it’s a world i don’t know but find facinating.

    my fave blogges are the ones with others in your life telling us about you. the little interviews. the daily life routines.
    rarely a day goes by i don’t listen to your voice somewhere on a cd or mp3. (sometimes even on an mp3.5). can’t really say i know you. met you after shows and whatnot, but that’s not getting to know you. but i know that you make me happy by the music, words, images and thoughts you share and thus improve my life.
    i want you to be happy.
    let me know if there is anything i can do to make your life better.
    i’ll be reading, as always…

  59. avatar
    The Drugs don't work | 25 September 2007 at 4:45 am #

    …the curse of the hyper sensitive.Yer too bloody perceptive…To wish impossible things..{?}

  60. avatar
    cow | 25 September 2007 at 5:26 am #

    Hello Brien Comerford,

    Are you a vegan?

  61. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2007 at 5:38 am #

    Sing some sad Seaside Song

    Dutch Pierre

  62. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 September 2007 at 5:48 am #

    All encompassing..maybe that’s how we would learn…Now,bring on the “Candy-ass” blog..we’d like to be ‘avin’ a larf! xo ;-/

  63. avatar
    Sunshine | 25 September 2007 at 10:17 am #

    SK, Isolde really did say it best regarding us readers’ ability to comment in a way that keeps the comments interesting or with a lack of trite repetition. Loved the “rip my (metaphorical) bodice” phrase, in particular, Isolde.

    SK, I’ve posted my responses in the past, but I don’t wish to be repetitious or sick-o-fantasmagorical. I’ve even had stuff to say, but refrained dozens of times, as I feel inadequate as a commentor/more-than-casual fan.

    I like reading whatever you wish to blog about… whatever’s on your mind. Thank you for being open and honest and being unafraid to write even when you’re down. (I used to only write when I was down… very bad poetry.) As someone said on this page, if writing about the grittier things you’ve outlived is part of what keeps you focused on your own personal brass ring, then I don’t see how anyone would want to take that away from you and still dare call themselves human.

    I appreciate that you welcome one and all to read/comment. It’s hard to stay open and leave oneself open to the nasties of the world, but that’s reality. It takes all sorts to keep this ball of dirt whirling. No dark without light, etc. (I know I’m not telling you anything new.)

    Bring on whatever you like, “Candy Ass” or not. I look forward to all of it. (…and the musical promises of the future.)


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