posted on September 28, 2008 at 8:31 pm

choices are illusory
our destinies are fixed to stars
all our lines dictated to us at birth
deep horrors inculcated over 50 lives
strange predilections that run deeper than the blood
luck has many faces…one is opportunity
and when your story seems to have run its course
time will provide the addenda
in the beginning there were feelings
feelings of joy
feelings of doubt
feelings of oh why isnt it me?
the start was lying crying in a room helpless
the end will be lying helpless in a room crying
and during…….?
what pleasures among them all will you remember…?
walking on moss in strange forests
the transparent domes of the vanir
your mothers gentle hand
the hot male rut
the hammer and the storm
the bite of life but not its kiss
the warmest evenings by the grey sea
the fire and camaraderie
yes and the warmest dreams of love
and washed out memories of some childhood
a little garden of verses
riding a donkey on the sand
hiding and shivering
here on the page we can say anything
where we merge for a moment
when we should be outside doing something
outside where i ask
outside yourself
outside all this
outside in the cold
outside time
beyond the setting sun
and over all rainbows….
really used to believe in that pot of gold
gold and silver and genies from lamps
why not? i can still see it in my head
relinquishing my post
wandering off into the desert
where i have my visions
damn ask us!
old meph
keep breathing into it
options all open
awareness upshot
buckle in time
the collapse of the sequence of events
who can say?
no one
no thing
fickle luck
limpid whim
voice from a shell that whispers the seas name
the sacred ash tree
the desire for cold clean water
divest yourself of all things
prepare yourself now….why wait
the familiar will one day be strange
and the light will be as darkness
and you will be unable to accept the charge
and you must rinse all ideas from your mind
when you come to the end of a perfect day
and summer sets on sundays skin
and night comes softly and unannounced
you feel the cool air go past
like you could go anywhere
although now you can
and new is so new
like you crash back through the beginning again
just like before but more after
as you were
when it all began
in such a long long time

47 Responses to “ghost in his own lifetime”

  1. avatar
    steve kilbey | 28 September 2008 at 9:37 pm #

    try to be nice

  2. avatar
    matt davison | 28 September 2008 at 10:01 pm #

    I second that!!

  3. avatar
    princey | 28 September 2008 at 10:45 pm #

    Yeah, it’s easy if you try. Beautiful blog today sk.
    Love Amanda

  4. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 28 September 2008 at 10:59 pm #

    will do more than try to be nice,steve, i WILL be nice…g’day brien c and princey and both mattys and b bon and r. mark and markobears and everybody else who are regulars here…peace and love a gooood vibes, all…
    there, that’s good, great start to the day…

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 September 2008 at 11:12 pm #

    thanks so much for painkiller and this most profound blogge.


  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 September 2008 at 11:15 pm #

    BAGPIPE solo!!:Dx

  7. avatar
    captain mission | 28 September 2008 at 11:26 pm #

    how strange the paradox of existence, i always thought it was irony but it’s just the nature of things. there’s an interesting cover of unguarded moment floating around on the radio, not sure if i like it but i do love singing along to it when i’m driving. see paradox everywhere.

  8. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 28 September 2008 at 11:51 pm #

    be nice homeslice…
    Jonny Be Good

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 12:17 am #

    Really liked todays blog, …just what I needed .thanks

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 3:25 am #

    just beauty.plain n simple.beautiful!x thank-you.

  11. avatar
    matt davison | 29 September 2008 at 4:19 am #

    Hey Davvydson:

    I am keen to go to Wales soon to see the great masters exhibition in Cardiff.. Are there any places you can advise me to see over there?? Perhaps you’re olds can offer a room for a swagg like me??

    Or, If you are there.. maybe we could catch up. I have a pressie for you…..


  12. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 29 September 2008 at 4:52 am #

    An amazingly, achingly beautiful blog today SK. I felt every word, line…so profound and moving and sometimes sad. Thank you.

  13. avatar
    MEM | 29 September 2008 at 5:13 am #

    synchronisity: word

    the day

    i remember

    a dream

    deep violet

    looking at

    hand, this
    a year

    or more

    i though


    color light

    the night


    even stranger

    what i
    read that next

    morning an experience
    someone else

    wrote of

    colors in

    deep color


    (remind me

    tell you of



  14. avatar
    princey | 29 September 2008 at 5:31 am #

    Just watched a new KK video from the Art Groupie gig….gorgeous one, all is one!! (noisy room tho!!) Duo de luxe better play here one night!

  15. avatar
    limebeaver | 29 September 2008 at 5:35 am #

    rabble, rabble..
    rabble, rabble..

  16. avatar
    eek | 29 September 2008 at 5:44 am #

    Link to the KK Art Groupie video here

  17. avatar
    kat | 29 September 2008 at 6:41 am #

    like you crash back through the beginning again

    just like before but more after


    good luck with church gig!


  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 8:39 am #

    Life? Existence? meaning? Purpose? I dunno. I suspect it’s all just random collisions accreting (?) with no purpose. But we’ve had this discussion before.
    So, in the absence of any legitimate contribution/response to today’s blog, I revivify yesterday’s, if only momentarily, and say at least hold out til the Church’s 30th anniversary, man!

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 9:24 am #

    Dear Steven,

    Yes, a wonderful and very touching blog… which leads me to some comments that I wanted to post elsewhere, but…

    I hope this will put some light, anyway. Some notes about “Dave has gone to God”: According to David Long, when he was still “around”, “Duine Le Dia” (the title of his page), is an Irish translation to “Gone to God — a sentence of Death”. Wow. Very, very fine. His very last connection was on June, 17. None of his friends in Ireland have a clue of his whereabouts ever since. I have an idea… but I won’t follow this path.

    So, what was the use of his endless mails and painful pleading/pleading/pleading/begging/begging/begging for months? My answer, at this point, is:
    However, I’ve learned one very important thing from that experience: You can’t communicate with the unreliable. And if you insist too much with it, you become unreliable yourself!


    I should have known. But I know now.


  20. avatar
    persephone2u | 29 September 2008 at 9:28 am #

    A beautiful blog to read at the start of a beautiful autumn day.

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 10:59 am #


    Sue C. you know me better than some of my closest friends! Such a happy package in my mailbox! I’m saving the RF up for this weekend but have already dipped into the PK. You are very kind to have remembered me and to go to the trouble of sending these things. God bless you.


    Dave M. you are a good fella and I would not leave you here as the only one who proudly wears their heart on their sleeve! I was merely suggesting that we cease to respond to the nothing-heads who post irrelevancies here for the sole purpose of raising ire amongst us.


    Mr K., I know you resist the notion of comment section as suggestion box…but I ask you again….what have been the happiest moments of your life? I have always found your diatribes on thankfullness so engaging…


    To whomever suggested I should alter my methods of punctuation….and cease to use the full stop in this way….go fuck yourself.

    Au revoir,


  22. avatar
    your dad | 29 September 2008 at 11:34 am #

    B. Bon,
    this: … is not a full-stop. It indicates a deleted passage.

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 11:38 am #

    Oh, and Steve? I listened to you and stopped wagging. Please take note of who hasn’t listened to you and was less than ‘nice’ at 8.59pm.

  24. avatar
    ross b | 29 September 2008 at 1:49 pm #

    Lovely post Steve – you convey the elements of birth & death with such warmth and reassurance, a breathtaking adventure we all share in and ride through.

    Much respect & goodwill, r.

  25. avatar
    souqie | 29 September 2008 at 2:16 pm #

    Maybe Soon

    All Is One

  26. avatar
    Mr. Argent | 29 September 2008 at 5:09 pm #

    “when you come to the end of a perfect day
    and summer sets on sundays skin
    and night comes softly and unannounced
    you feel the cool air go past
    like you could go anywhere”

    Absolutely sublime, mate!

    I’m off to harvest some fruity bushes.

  27. avatar
    davem | 29 September 2008 at 5:15 pm #

    Bring it on.
    They tried to deliver my Painkiller today, but I was slaving for the man. Good news is I can go and pick it up at 7am tomorrow. I’m so fucking excited but then I’ve got to work from 8am to 10pm so won’t get to listen until midnight – no cd player in my car. Tomorrow is going to drag somewhat!!
    But even so….PAINKILLER!!!
    Love to all. Nice vibe about TTB today.

  28. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 29 September 2008 at 6:16 pm #

    I wish Priests and other Religious figures could impart sermons as salient and concsientious as this day’s respective blog.

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 7:06 pm #

    Other than matt davison’s passive aggressive threat to Davvydson, this has been a real love fest. Lets keep it up!

  30. avatar
    restaurant mark | 29 September 2008 at 8:33 pm #

    hello everyone. loved todays blog steve…beautiful, haunting kind of stuff.
    been gone for a couple of days…just wanted to say i found the attack on brien yesterday by an anon to be totally uncalled for whether you agree with his comments/point of view or not. he’s always relatively polite on here…why do that???
    anyone who feels the need to be so cruel and harsh for no real reason, especially without the balls to at least put your name out there…is a twat at best. and at least, needs to find a hobby.
    and i agree with b. bon, i like my dot dot dot…
    it’s comments on a blog, i’m not really interested in proper punctuation, complete sentences…hell, i never even use capital letters???

    hello to you hellbound heart

    take care everyone

  31. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 29 September 2008 at 8:43 pm #


    I appreciate your support but if I was literally a fucking prick I would be in an incessant state of erect sensual euphoria. Not bad if you really think about.

  32. avatar
    restaurant mark | 29 September 2008 at 9:01 pm #

    well played…

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 9:13 pm #

    “balls to put name out there” what do we really know about you restaurant mark other than the fact that your name is mark and you need to wash your hair?

  34. avatar
    restaurant mark | 29 September 2008 at 9:36 pm #

    oh boy…
    as tempting as it is…
    i don’t do pissing contests

    insult away…enjoy yourself anon


  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 9:51 pm #

    Ok Mark, (if that is your real name.)

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 September 2008 at 10:56 pm #

    I give my self very good advice, but I very seldom take it!

    See how my own point was very ably just demonstrated….I responded to the fool and see what happens!

    I’m with our restauranter, up there on the high road.

    Thanks again Sue C and hello Isolde.


  37. avatar
    eek | 29 September 2008 at 11:02 pm #

    Thanks for putting up those clips souqie!

  38. avatar
    Matt Davyddson | 29 September 2008 at 11:06 pm #

    Hey Matt D

    You can stay anytime, and you can meet my Myfanwy. But I prefer Blackpool Rock to Manuka honey or pineapple lumps thanks.

    M Ddd

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 September 2008 at 12:05 am #

    The boys are back in town!!!!
    Only the gig for vips, no fiends?
    Love to be a fly on the wall tonite with all the celebs, bet Mal T will be there, he may try a guest spot with you?

    Good luck. Give them the best darn gig they have ever seen. Roll out the red carpet, lights, camera, action……
    Hallelujah the CHURCH are back! Bigger, better than ever. Get the $mill contracts signed, world wide tour happening. Don't forget to leave a hat on stage for the tips, sure DJ's can throw in a few thou each.

    May 2009 be the year of the Church.

    Peace & love,

    p.s. I love all the solo gigs and side projects, but I also miss seeing my fav band.

  40. avatar
    matt davison | 30 September 2008 at 12:06 am #

    – Davyddson are you the only gay in the village??

    I thought Myfanwy was the lady who owned the pub????

  41. avatar
    Matt Davyddson | 30 September 2008 at 1:01 am #

    Matt D

    Myfanwy used to go out with Iva Davies, but now she is with me. Does that answer your question? Yeaaaaah.

  42. avatar
    matt davison | 30 September 2008 at 1:08 am #

    She is a lucky woman than…Iva is Australias greatest living songwriter.

    Trojan Blue
    the kingdom
    we can get together
    big wheel
    where the river meets the sea
    miss devine
    anything is possible
    spanish gold
    angel street
    no promises
    great S Land
    etc etc

    Why didnt they get asked to do the Am Ex gig???

    U and I might get on just swell pal………..

    New Budd


  43. avatar
    markobears | 30 September 2008 at 2:04 am #

    souqie thanks! (O; I’ll watch tomorrow if the world doesnt end. slow slow connection here

  44. avatar
    captain mission | 30 September 2008 at 2:29 am #

    best wishes for tonight man, blow em away.

  45. avatar
    lily was here | 30 September 2008 at 10:28 am #

    Rinse all ideas from your mind (love that line) into a bucketful of starfish and save it for a rainy day.


    hello B.Bon. I could take all that thanking but Isolde would hit me on the head 🙂 He/she is the mysterious but very generous givee.

    … is the new … pause 🙂

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 October 2008 at 5:47 am #

    steve. a hermit caught naked in NYC.
    a feeling of violation
    but of what
    I have no castle
    just collected piles
    of decaying


    thoughts together.
    pankaked. conclusuons
    have stopped any possible outlet
    separating the thoughts.
    like a crowd
    so this or that
    individual thought has no attchment.
    no assumptions can be made.
    skitzaphrenia wow…self created
    fast lightning
    hear ’em out the window
    he may go a bit crayZ
    said he mighy start a fire.
    fuckin right… me…what ú mean
    as I slip out…..i hear GO GO…

    every person word movement
    becomes……bad trip
    asserted my will
    as 70 percent is verifiable.
    calm mind….keep it here….
    let them ….NO…íwill paint…i will LIVE…fuckinh fuck w .u life!
    see I needed this

    always ask 4 a quick fix
    Ill feel the breeze….Il throw the child….
    liberation can be quick…
    gots me sick…..
    I taste fresh due
    and the walls are silent
    again….sanity oh precious sanity

    ibogaine is calling…no fun ride…
    ahh to shed this addiction.. its a must….a I’d trade my left hand to get back whay I’ve been blessed to get samples from the fairies
    and my muse? has showed herself….i am humbled
    blocked u see.. and só many
    ibogaine cuts off 80%. of wd’s cravings…also .in a way that is not an easy thing….as addiction is a monster…
    thanx for this blog. I ts hard to know what to say
    one in ????
    ur a cosmic father braine

  47. avatar
    erensto | 27 January 2009 at 11:40 pm #

    markobears once posted on this blog (August 7 2007) “let go, let go. and let the winds of change direct you”. I cant remember the name, but I am pretty sure there was a song with those lyrics, mid 90s..

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.