posted on October 9, 2008 at 8:02 pm

isnt it nice to meet me?
here i am every day
oh you can be sure
on duty
being a renaissance man for ya
cos there is hardly any others
funded by my own dear readers contributions
and fueled by a wild combination
of legal and illegal subs
as well as yoga in my toga
chi chi gong
and schwimming
here i am
with spades on n in bells
i write without fear or favour
i’m a bit of everything
but not too much nothing
ive got an iq like your phone number
and ive dabbled in simply everything
i’m good friends with prince philip who loves a smoke
bobo phewson n michael stripe often come body surfing with me
and our nicole usually meets me tuesdays in newtown
where we trawl through that huge second hand book shop
looking for old magicians grimoires
or dirty postcards from the twenties
nics favourite is that one with the newly weds n the elephant..
oh ha ha
ive played rugby for australia and england
and im the currant middle wait title holder for boxing day
i am a sports fisherman too
having landed the midgard sea serpent once with wrecks unt
ive got several auto biographies out
and gotta black belt in ju-chimnee
i speak all 19 major dialects of new south welsh
and i can communicate with yobs brats grommets derros n widgies
i am fully equipped to perform the marriage malarkey
or i can sign your cee dee
i studied drama at the school of hardt knox
and i majored in some important things
all my records go platinum usually i guess someone hoped
and my songs have been sung
in black silent forests
and at the bottom of turbulent seas
my words can be found in a dictionary
and my music never involves anything sadistic
some people think i’m really cruel
but i had them severely beaten
i am often to be found on telly
usually outside a blue ribbon red carpet gala(h) event
where i critique bimbos stupid clothes in a poufy voice
oh my my i’m quite a
(makes a motion like a cat scratching)
and i cant abide some anorexic little tart in last years tat
at the moment i’m just loving those little faux maternity dresses
that make everyone in them look like a complete imbecile
especially combined with really high heels
that make you walk like a baby giraffe with a knee injury
and beaucoups de makeup n botox for the” frightening” look
for men
i recommend paisley shirts
very very tight black jeans
cuban heeled black swayed beetle boots
and a mulletty do with big fringe and earrings
this looks especially great on a 45 year old geezer
who likes his beer n steaky, thinning on top and never exercises
and should be worn at all times
especially scorching hot days in queensland or arizona
and to job interviews and when you go over
to weed your wifes mothers garden on a sunday morning
lots of kohl round those rheumy eyes now
and say things like
“wheres the glamour?” to passing strangers
for the older gent
feeling too restricted in this mode
please try
shorts and a tradesmens shirt with iron on patches
for example ive got one that says
mephistopheles as my name tag
and stuff like that
you wont score high in the fashion steaks
but you’ll be surprised how often you get asked to have a look
at someones guttering
i also recommend cravats with footy jerseys
gaiters and sporins with speedos
and guys
try to look smart please
ladies love a man in a law suit or warders uniform
artists….wash all the puce dollops off yer smock
and footy players no green stains round the knees please
butchers…that blood under yer fingynails is a bit of a turnoff
and yes
dont we all love the smell of “olde money “
now available in avarice lime
ow i just banged my bloody bad knee and it hurt!
i have no credit card or mobile phone
because im telepathic anyway
and my readers swamp me in money
because they know a good thing
and they aint seen it here…oh ha hardy ha ha
no seriously folks
it has been proven in univensity testings
that the greater level of luxury sustained by a time being
the better and more nutritious the blog
try it yourself and see
donate today and watch tomorrows blog soar into the stratocastersphere
for each hundred bucks i’ll match yer with a really good word
words like
and more
so cherish me
nurture me
water me with your kind donations
like a fiendish hydroponic monstrosity
getting squirted with gro-fast
like a kraken awakin’ and eating up yer virgins
or a galactus sucking up planets
your humble brilliant genius needs to feed and feed and feed
my brood of monsters devours music and poetry and art
i stumble to the sea in shabby swimmers and seagulls snigger
i dont think gene simmons is writing this calibre blog
i dont think fred dursts blog is quite so familiar with the woofle
i dont think bobo or the hedge are really very funny guys
i dont think robbie williams can spell anathema
and i dont think mal turnbull will admit it
when he’s trying to give up smokin’ dope
lets face facts
youre addicted to ttb
its a sweet fix my cats
but it dont come fer nothin’ anymore
ignore this if you already fucking subbed up
or you like me are feeling the pinchers
cough up you silent rich euro swine
or you yankees who wisely switched yer dollars for rupees
pay up you chinese nouveau rich
i’ll accept yens kopecs sesterci, clams, roubles,lire,
or any coin with king dick the lionheart on it
pay me via payboy
or send me a hunk o fucking gold
uh huh

23 Responses to “hankering”

  1. avatar
    kat | 9 October 2008 at 10:03 pm #

    sk, until i get paid i can’t subscribe. but i am very generous with money when i have it! right now i am driving around on E

    in the meantime, i think you and eddie izzard would make a great pairing for comedy gigs! i’m gonna contact him if you don’t. it could be the winning ticket. not that you don’t deserve money thru your art and music…

    i’m serious. seriously laughing.

  2. avatar
    nickfiction | 9 October 2008 at 10:21 pm #

    i love the modest mood set by this piece. long time no read , how’s it going SK?

  3. avatar
    fipster | 9 October 2008 at 10:29 pm #

    My cat can perform the marriage malarkey, too. We ordained him online at the Universal Life Church.

  4. avatar
    princey | 9 October 2008 at 10:37 pm #

    Thanks for the goodtimes here day after day ttb, will pay yer back somehow, someday…..hey I bet shabby swimmers(black speedos?) never looked sooooo good, yeah uh huh!

    Have a lovely, relaxing weekend sk and all fellow addicted fiends out there πŸ™‚
    Love Amanda

  5. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 9 October 2008 at 10:42 pm #

    has anyone noticed that even with the bailout package the dow has dropped even farther than ever, the u.s. government has their own agenda and you humans will have to suffer…
    Ne iko

  6. avatar
    Braine73 | 10 October 2008 at 12:18 am #

    donate to me or ill panhandle on the corner of your subconcious for all time.
    just enuff to shed the monstrous methadone w/ yonder magical..but not quite fun….way of an ibogaine treatment…u could be the richard geere in a recreation of a better movie….
    I’ve been thrown against the wall and I’m dribbling down….
    if any really knew…i pray they’ve had their answers….seen some way of seeing my goodness within….i can’t take another doubt
    I would rather die.
    my mind is alΒ£l I have…..i hope uve watched close…as I’m not the devil in a dress or a wolf..but a soul hungry for experience beyond hurt pain mothers worry….im only a fallible human…but I see what I see…how could I have offended so many……kill me but end this torture…ill stir not…take ur probe from my mind…let my beeing crawl…….than walk tall….never violence ever do I seek nor troubled soul do I tun away….
    what have I done dear god…..
    I’m no one deserving of such.
    love just started to surface….
    now a leak in my confidence…a limp….a worry… troubled as it were awnsitive to every thought or unspoken look… heart is weak….upon this shore…
    whisper so I can live or adore…but how can this be….ive lived harder I’ve fallen greater…im noone u couldn’t trust…..
    u hear u see u watch every key but u don’t see me.
    I’d take ur pain if u asked.
    what my friend have I caused in you to hate…….id never hurt a friend ……but I’m sure I have…
    no perfection inside be…..
    just a unspoken voice left to ur choice….so I bid u without any resent…….pls stop this torment.

    peace steve…

  7. avatar
    matt davison | 10 October 2008 at 1:01 am #

    Do you take David Jones American Express??

    # 0408-13-09-1954-00

    name Mr Matt mortal Druid

    exp date

    03/ 2052

  8. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 10 October 2008 at 1:44 am #

    Today’s amusing blog was the antithesis of America’s bemusing, confusing and fatal economic woes. I’m terrified to look at my savings account and my investments. I know I’ve lost several thousand if not more. Bush, Cheney, McCain and yes OBama are all to blame. I will not vote for President. McCain is a Bush sequel and Obama is just as bad or worse economically but he’s not an inveterate warmonger. However he’s invertebrate on crucial issues.

    Great new Pretenders CD “Break Up The Concrete.” The lyrics of Boots Of Chinese Plastic have a Sk vibe ” Hari Krishna-Hari Rama too. Govinda I am still in love with you. I see you in the birds and in the trees that’s why they call me ‘Krishna Mayi’

    Painkiller is fighting with Isidore for best Kilbey CD in my “cretinous mind”. “But what about Dabble and Unearthed”-are you talking to me.

  9. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 10 October 2008 at 5:34 am #

    “donate today and watch tomorrows blog soar into the stratocastersphere
    for each hundred bucks i’ll match yer with a really good word
    words like…”


  10. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 10 October 2008 at 6:37 am #

    damn right i’m addicted to ttb…and proud of it…your fashion advice for men, well…my other half’s got the king gee workshorts and crappy shirt thing down to a fine art…it’s not a fashion thing, it’s an ‘i can’t give much of a crap about what i wear’ thing…the tragedy is that i bought him a heap of really nice gear when we first met and it’s either languishing at the back of the wardrobe or at st vinnies…
    boo hoo πŸ™
    love always….

  11. avatar
    melissa | 10 October 2008 at 7:01 am #

    ‘some people think i’m really cruel
    but i had them severely beaten’


    What a wonderful day today .. I recently bought the beautiful ‘Mind Garden’ painting SK and went to get it framed .. picked it up after work this afternoon. I’m so excited about it – probably spend most of the weekend just staring at it πŸ˜‰

    Thankyou Steve (and thanks to eekie too :D)


  12. avatar
    steve kilbey | 10 October 2008 at 8:34 am #

    deer melb fiendss
    painkiller cancelled on dec 23
    sydney still remaining 22 dec

  13. avatar
    princey | 10 October 2008 at 10:00 am #

    Oh no, I knew it was too good to be true… happy xmas then πŸ™

  14. avatar
    melissa | 10 October 2008 at 10:08 am #

    maybe melby fiends might need to go on a pre-Xmas road trip?? πŸ˜‰

  15. avatar
    CSTCoach | 10 October 2008 at 1:45 pm #

    “and my songs have been sung
    in black silent forests”

    …and also in Tibet on a bus in the Himalayas, on the vast open steppes of Mongolia, in the barren wastes of northern canada, in a tiny apartment in the western fringes of tokyo, late at night, in the deserts of Jordan where TE Lawrence once roamed. But not in the taklamakan, cause all that sand gets into the ipod.

    how bout a painkiller gig over here? don’t ya want to experience the cold, and feel yer fingers turn blue? you’ll be just in time! oh, nevermind. me either.

  16. avatar
    restaurant mark | 10 October 2008 at 2:59 pm #

    man i about spit my coffee out three times reading that one! i agree with kat…you, eddie izzard and probably ricky gervais too, would make an incredible comedy group.
    “some people think i’m really cruel
    but i had them severely beaten”…hilarious
    got a payment coming next week my fiend…

    take care everyone

    ps-brien, no politician’s perfect ( far from it ), but i believe obama’s the best shot we have right now to maybe turn a few things around…at least a little. i’ve done a lot of reading and i like his plans. the other side, from what i’ve seen don’t really say how they plan on doing anything…if anything, just tag lines and that he knows what to do apparently, but with no how. mccain is the just gonna follow bush’s path and sarah palin is just scary and not very bright…can’t have her a heartbeat away from being president. but just vote…for whoever you like. it’s a priveledge that people in a lot of countries don’t have. take care.

  17. avatar
    davem | 10 October 2008 at 6:10 pm #

    Oh shit.
    Mid 40’s, bald, paisley shirt, black jeans.
    That’s me….except for the steak.

  18. avatar
    restaurant mark | 10 October 2008 at 8:15 pm #

    that’s funny davem…
    hey your cd is on the way…hopefully you’ll get it!!!

    have a good weekend everybody

  19. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 10 October 2008 at 8:27 pm #

    …but i bet you’re the only one that can make middle-age bald paisley and black jeans look good, am i right????
    see you on the cover of vogue, you fashion victim! πŸ˜‰
    peace and love….

  20. avatar
    matt davison | 10 October 2008 at 8:58 pm #

    Obama is our only political hope…

    kilbey is our only musical hope….

  21. avatar
    davem | 10 October 2008 at 10:34 pm #

    Mark – it’s arrived. Only had time for 1 quick whip through so far, but it sounds great.
    HH..sadly I look like a fat old get, cover of melody maker (mood six) circa 81 more like.

  22. avatar
    eek | 11 October 2008 at 10:55 pm #

    I laughed so hard reading this it took me two days to be able to write this comment! Steve, you really are delightfully, and brilliantly, funny.

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 October 2008 at 3:06 pm #

    clarification….me post here as for posters….is not directed toward SK….Im quite sure he knows me by now…that is how I type the present moment….as far as subscribing , I've no issue…as a day of shopping could never give what
    a mystery woman sent me 70 cd's all australian….including Painkiller…which I must say…is clearly a higher , clearer and fuller album…..The Best YET doubt…..luv luv luv it……technology boosts this in a way one can reach a higher state….also links me to the brain behind….the blog has given clues but nothing is not artful…a album that will reinvent THE CHURCH to generations to come….I made one wlectronic track….MEM sent to you, steve & this feedback….WOLFE….ie….answers all my wonders (do you like the electric avenue ….) As I received no reply….I as is my MO though…shit
    steve doesn't care for computer/elec composer….My dream My reality….is to go is to follow….got lucky w a muse….lucky w some words….
    even if I trodded on the sink of sanity..
    believe all…but remember nothing is real.
    steve, (i need not explain. )
    FREE yoga sat & sun morning….
    for the posters…..Ive a black humor…but every word I say I do not takeback….I often….w/o apology ask the people I believe capable of LOVE ….the ones eager to fly a 23 yr old attractive girl to ur home for your desire…as did happen w my GF…
    instead of buying your desire…
    purchase the endorphins of assisting one in attaining ….a need of shedding an old worn out coat.(addiction)… who's been there can only comprehend….My own self can save 10 dollars a month…..and I will get off mdone.
    I'm not embarrassed to grovel.
    I'm groveling to stay alive.
    google IBoGaINE……….
    I am not one in the same
    this is not an addict twist of will or manipulatuon….its a reality…..
    do I expect outside help….
    well …..hmm….
    I think I do
    not from you or you or you.
    I have no assurance to give
    only I am worthy

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