posted on June 23, 2008 at 9:08 pm

i piece together a story bit by bit
everything is inside
everything is already within
i looked everywhere
out in the tuscan dusk
swooning under moons of musk
amongst a coral shoal
darting with the bream and sole
deep in a woodland grove
i burned a fatted calf to jove
outside the walls of troy
slaughtered with the hoi polloi
i am the wanderer
wander wander wander
wish i knew what i was lookin’ for…
i had some gold and i lost some gold
i had some powers and i lost some powers
i killed and i saved
i drowned in women
i was thrown into the sky by volcanic ambition
i was persecuted and i hid amongst the unclean
i hurled myself into dangerous mysteries too late to see the price
i am eternal
i go on and on and on
i never win but i never completely lose
i have commandeered this body to sing my song
i sing my song to the glory of the hand that shaped me
be it i was dreamed up along with everything else you see
i came dancing out of vishnus beautiful blue head
a speck of dust in a field in the background of his dream
oh i wanted life though
oh i wanted to experience….everything
oh i wanted to touch and taste
explore and kill
yes kill
a killer i became
and i loved to kill
and i killed for the love of it
not for love itself
can you see me now all covered in gore
why did we kill
why did we kill
i woke up in a fever once
i screamed out
why did we kill all those men
why did we cause all those women to be widows
what good has it ever done
i sat up in my tent
the men were all asleep or under some spell
i called out for sword
i called out for my gun
i called out for my dagger and my axe
i called out across the fields of some persian babylon
or was it germany where we killed under blue skies
i called out my orders into the void
steady lads
easy now boys
we can fuckin’ do em
we can fuckin’ sort this lot out my lovely boys
we’ll fuckin’ send em home sore, eh lads
hold that flank there tighter boys c’mon keep it up
sergeant whats that fuckin’ man doing there…?
steady boys….archers….wait for it
get those fuckin’ thracians back in line, timo
or i’ll cut off your fuckin’ balls…!!
alright boys ..see you all in bloody ‘ades
NOW! NOW!! NOW!!!
the void was silent
the silence inflamed me
the bastards kept on coming
we speared em
we shot em
we split their bleeding ugly heads open
suddenly they were all over us
i bellowed in rage
and with my javelin i hooked a man by his eye
and flung him into the mud
and his shade shrieked like a girl as it went underground
to the cold and lonely places
some bastard was ‘acking at my arms i couldnt feel a thing
i reached out and with my bare hands crushed his face
and i was delighted in my work
a strangeness came into my eyes
the battle had slowed down to me
it seemed ages as i watched an arrow leave its string
arcing over the screaming soldiers
plunging deep into soft warm flesh
in the space that the slow time gave me
i pirouetted and swayed
and i cut at my leisure
i stepped in before they even knew i was there
as i moved in my own time and no one elses
and i was a true artist then
lovely deep thrusts
aesthetic feints that described wondrous geometries
and little small subtle movements with my embedded knife
tickling their hearts with my mournful blade
and then one day
youre moving through the carnage
slow and cool like a panther
hey youre an old hand at this
you can afford to be careless
you take your pick of the fighting
you dispatch heroes and cowards with a sneer
then you see him
and hes moving towards you really slowly
slowly in some trance he approacheth you
a slender dark man
a man younger than you
whirling his sword
aiming his gun
kicking his feet
throwing his stars
flashing his eyes
crooning his song
and you know he is the one…
no no no
suddenly
everything shudders back into the realtime
for you and everybody else maybe
but not for him
dancing moving avoiding delivering
and fear takes away your breath
steals the very air from your mouth
and no no
you just want to go home
theres been a mistake
doesnt anybody understand
theres been a terrible mistake
im steve kilbey
cant anybody hear me
but the warrior is as close as this
he strikes at you
you dismally parry
and the shock of the clash shoots up your arm
and punch punch punch
his fist mangles your face
oh you have no will to go on now
he moves in super slowness
his blade in single framed seconds
silver and red against blue
and then in
in in in and in
and then
last thing
you see his smile
a sad weary smile
a cough
and he lets you fall into the dirt

21 Responses to “heartseeker”

  1. avatar
    skyintheairwaves | 23 June 2008 at 10:34 pm #

    Ooooh first comment….

    Thats an honour….

    but…

    TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!!!!

  2. avatar
    princey | 23 June 2008 at 10:50 pm #

    Lordy, what a gory story so early in the morn!

    Enjoyed it tho killer!
    Love Amanda

  3. avatar
    kat | 23 June 2008 at 11:57 pm #

    did they kill the killa’? say it ain’t so! this gonna be another trilogy, sk?

  4. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 June 2008 at 1:31 am #

    I was just reading about all the hellish violence in Zimbabwe prior to checking out this rather bloody and lethal blog with harbingers of perdition. Well done by the peerless and feerless Sk and happy 64th B day to my guitar hero, Jeff Beck.

    Good name for today’s blog “Blow By Blow”.

  5. avatar
    captain mission | 24 June 2008 at 2:01 am #

    wow!
    that’s a powerful piece of prose, stunned me in it’s savage truth and beauty, quite literally brought me to my knees which only proves the pen is mightier than the sword.

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 June 2008 at 3:16 am #

    Now this…THIS is the reason I fell in love with the words and lyrics of Steve Kilbey.

    Mark
    Tampa, Fl

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 June 2008 at 3:21 am #

    A dig4ression…oh…oh…Nothing Inside on your My Space page…have tears in the eyes…what a work of genius…thank you again

  8. avatar
    ponder this, boy | 24 June 2008 at 8:35 am #

    Compare the number of comments for the last few days to the number of cooments when you talk about autobiographical stuff…

  9. avatar
    eek | 24 June 2008 at 8:54 am #

    Ye gods that was intense!

    btw — in blog posts variety is good.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 June 2008 at 9:26 am #

    Eek’s right – I want to be regaled with all aspects of the Kilbey creative imagination. I love the autobiographical stuff myself but, lets face it, Steve’s never limited himself his creativity to one outlet before, so he’s unlikely to start now!

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 June 2008 at 9:27 am #

    I missed the word ‘or’ from between ‘himself’ and ‘his’. Must play havoc with Gen x’s talking computer when that happens!

  12. avatar
    linjo | 24 June 2008 at 10:08 am #

    I have often wondered, when reading, or watching films such as Braveheart, do people, did people, ever become complacent about killing, does it become second nature, or burn into the soul and bring nights of terror filled dreams.
    An interesting quote of Voltaire’s from Denton last night. On his deathbed the priest asked him to renounce the devil, he replied “its a bit late in the day to be making enemies” Thank you for the provoking thoughts Steve, Linda x

  13. avatar
    don joe | 24 June 2008 at 10:16 am #

    Sublime….once again!

    “…or was it germany where we killed under blue skies”

    Got a strong recall of this. Vivid visuals. May I have done such a thing? Beckons an answer….lived before?..yes. Killed before?… must have, can’t live on a planet such as this and be immune from it.
    I keep saying that I’m going to pay you; have you got it yet?

  14. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 24 June 2008 at 11:06 am #

    my god, how you keep producing such wonderous prose is a miracle but all i know is i don’t want you to stop…genius…
    love always…

  15. avatar
    fantasticandy | 24 June 2008 at 12:37 pm #

    can’t think of anything to say,
    other than brilliant.

  16. avatar
    linjo | 24 June 2008 at 1:18 pm #

    Here I go again, usually only writing on here when I have imbibed. My brother came up on the weekend, newly flushed with funds, he bought his sis back on cd all the vinyls he stole in the 80s when she left home. Human League Dare, fuck I am in love again, surely Open your heart would have to have been one of the best pop songs of the 80’s, I also got Vienna, Ultravox, Simple Minds, New Gold dream. Andy, Dave, living in London in the 80’s must have been it. Steve, you were there adding to the most amazing music, god wasnt it great!

  17. avatar
    being boiled | 24 June 2008 at 3:29 pm #

    Being from Sheffield, I saw various members of the Human League around town numerous times in the 80s. Best one was in 1981when me and a girlfriend walked past Phil and Adrian as they were looking in the window of an army surplus store. Girlfriend saw Oakey’s lopsided haircut, thought it was a copyist and sneered “Oh, look, it’s the Human League!” They both looked round, pretty pissed off and I dragged her away going “Shut up!” “Why?” she sneered. “It IS them!” I explained. “Oh…lets go back!” said the dozy cow.

  18. avatar
    John | 24 June 2008 at 5:13 pm #

    SK,

    Great metaphorical odyssey. You know you and your ‘band of brothers’ still slay ’em all, so wake up Phoenix, it’s time to get up.

    John

  19. avatar
    davem | 24 June 2008 at 7:28 pm #

    Yup, there’s always someone bigger and harder than you.

    Linda – I have to confess I didn’t listen to any “pop” in the 80’s. No Human League/Depeche Mode/Ultravox (not after John Foxx). In terms of contemporary music I only listened to The Church, Copey, Bunnymen, Only Ones, and psych revival stuff like Miles Over Matter (I’m still in touch with Steve Counsel), Mood 6. Other than that I was in my regency jacket at various psychedelic nights in Brum and London. Anyone remember The Groovy Cellar or The Clinic at Gossips??Nope….don’t blame you.
    Anyway, SK was and remains God to me.
    xx

  20. avatar
    davem | 24 June 2008 at 7:56 pm #

    Just made me think…where is garethinnotts, haven’t heard from him in ages???

  21. avatar
    lily was here | 26 June 2008 at 11:07 am #

    Oohh..please tell me its only a flesh wound! Totally rivetting from start to … finish 🙁

    xxx


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