posted on November 7, 2006 at 7:55 pm

i dont know
i dont care
im all sixes n sevens
which other turkeys should be in my sights?
that rogue from yessaday got off light
which hero should i be lavishly praising?
who should i grovel to?
who should i lambast with bitter spleen?
who should be ignored?
who should be mentioned?
and who are you reading this twaddle?
whats in it for ya?
so yer interested in my back pages, are ya?
oh i wish i could give it ya
in one huge download..
the whole fucking lot
you pay me, say 500 bucks
then…
got no recollexion
i mean huge blank chunks
oh mi god
what did i do in those blank chunks?
did i murder someone?
did i write the greatest song ever
n immediately forget it?
did i turn into a dragonfly
and fly into the light?
what details were lost in the drudgery of addiction?
the funny stuff seems funnier that it was
the scary stuff was much scarier than seems
the glamourous stuff was more ordinary
the boring stuff was a lot more tedious
and its all over
the inviolate past
you cant touch these memories
i cant touch them either
a quarter of a century since i saw nick ward
almost fifteen since jay dee last played w/ us
what is my story?
a traffic accident with 15 different p.o.v.s
a buncha “you said that….no, i didnt”s
a whole loada people taking the credit
avoiding the blame…
“i tried to warn im”s
blah blah
autocrashbiography
dont believe everything ya read
even if you wrote it yourself
what is a fact?
search me
you order a bunch of old rockers vignettes?
i’ll just leave em here
in yer cerebellum, if ya like
heres a whole boxload of 1988
oh that should be interesting…
limos on way to airports
a hundred hotel rooms
smoke noise ringin’ in yer ears
waitresses n bellboys
takeoffs n check-ins
soundchecks n interviews
dawns n encores
studios n terminals
taxis n de-tuning
image drowning image
sound burying sound
a thousand spliffs
a thousand arguments
a thousand autographs
another flight
another early morning
another awkward situation
another bag to pack
another fish to fry
another place to play
cities people lights camera friction
snow wind sun darkness
nyc in winter
an afternoon in brisbane
a walk in the mountains
a swim in the adriatic
a bottle of wine
reading a book
sleeping in too late
doing my hair n having a shave
gaining n losing calluses on my fingers
a veggie burger with yam fries n a soy shake
the train to washington
brazil n its glamour n squalor
falling asleep on a bus somewhere
a cafe in amsterdam, zonked on space cake
bunks n breakfasts
sick n tired
full of myself, outta control
singin’ n playin’
all those theatres n pubs n clubs
n festivals n live telecasts
tv hosts n disc jockeys
Q: blah blah blah?
A: blah blah blah!
come here go there
do this avoid that
run around
wait around
run around
wait around
wade thru all the advice
write some new songs
try to remain vaguely sane n failing
this is what you always wanted
this is what you never wanted
why is everyone always angry with me?
why isnt it ever the way you thought?
is it over?
can i go now?
was that it?
can i have more?
yes
no
maybe
call me monday
i’ll tell ya after its all figured out
not as much as we hoped
never what ya expected
more than ya bargained for tho
good while it lasts
it dont last long
did you enjoy that?
heres the bill
heres your receipt
heres the ticket for yer luggage
heres where you sign..initial this here, please
heres yer guitar now go rock!
heres yer career now go be a superstar
heres yer review now go weep
heres yer room now go relax
heres yer audience now entertain em
heres yer support act now blow em offstage
heres the other druids in yer band, start fighting
heres yer adoring fans,start delusions of grandeur
heres yer abusive critics, begin revenge
heres yer faithful roadcrew begin matey-ness
heres yer drugs begin addiction
heres yer drink begin hangover
heres yer rise begin yer fall
heres yer fall begin yer obscurity
heres yer obscurity begin yer comeback
glorydays
heydays
paydays
but never never
gaydays
the cover of (australian) rollingstone
a gold record from the u.s.
a plaque(not on teeth)
saying utmw is numba one on all radio formats
(gee!)
a stolen guitar
a ruined shirt
an unread message
a lost moment
more travel
hit the road
make yer connection
more coffee sir?
more brandy sir?
have you read this weeks billboard?
steve, have you met larry weinerstein from a and r?
steve, this is millie gibshribble from publicity
steve, can i get a photo of ya screaming?
steve, how disappointed are you right now?
steve, how does it feel now?
steve, are you surprised?
steve, didja put danny raddawich on the guest list?
steve, its tony innane from kpox in sauselito!
steve, did i wake ya?….oh, sorry
steve, this ones cancelled
steve, this ones added
hey kilbey, what the fuck…?
bang!
is this how i experience it all?
yes and no
i could write for a hundred years
and i would never empty out
i put my fingers to the keys
and the memories flow
and sometimes a single second
takes an hour to describe
or you could jump over 1990
in one word
(but what is that one word today?)
stick around
im still plotting
im still in the thick of it
on the frontline for ya
yer brave
if maybe a little olde
correspondent
im gonna keep tellin ya how it is/was/will be
i dont pull no fucking punches
im gonna probe the soft white underbelly
of nostalgia
and im gonna do it with eloquence n style
hang in there
all will eventually be revealed
and then
youll be happy

54 Responses to “hodge-podges n mish-mash”

  1. avatar
    Fandorin | 7 November 2006 at 9:42 pm #

    buzzz….
    wonderful psycholotravelogue.
    known you as a master of bizarre poetry
    (but in fact, most lately since Radiance, i know you are a bloody great storyteller, using all the narrative effect pedals…with suspense, plot twists, multiple perspectives, the eýe for the mönströüs in banality (and vice versa)…
    and what is more….)

    i’ll miss that blog, but may hope for a real book one day.

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 November 2006 at 9:47 pm #

    Hi Steve,

    Always read your blog but I don’t tend to write. Great one today. Its better than a book, but somehow we’d all still like the book. Hope you keep writing.

    Martin

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 November 2006 at 9:49 pm #

    does that mean you’re going to keep going with this?
    please please please
    me

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 November 2006 at 10:31 pm #

    Stay!!!!
    Please…..

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 November 2006 at 10:31 pm #

    Stay!!!!
    Please…..
    d

  6. avatar
    the dean | 7 November 2006 at 10:55 pm #

    “Listen: S K has come unstuck in time.”

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 November 2006 at 11:17 pm #

    You are one of the lucky ones, telling your story and still living it – not some nostalgic 80’s or 70’s or 60’s hasbeen. You are still making vital music and writings now. Keep it up and keep living.

    ed in florida

  8. avatar
    Richard | 7 November 2006 at 11:40 pm #

    “i could write for a hundred years”

    … so the odd blog after 22/11 shouldn’t be much of a stretch

    (“odd blog” has a nice ring doesn’t it?)

  9. avatar
    veleska1970 | 7 November 2006 at 11:41 pm #

    “all will eventually be revealed…”

    heh heh~~sounds like it just was!!

    i read this a little earlier, and didn’t have time to comment then, but i’ve been chuckling about it ever since. good blog today, steve. ingenious. i think, without going into nitty gritty details of each individual item, you have just about summed up your entire career for the past 25+ years. oh, the gaunlets you have run through!! did you ever have any idea when you picked up a guitar for the first time what you would be in for? methinks not.

    you asked which box of vignettes i would like to order. hmmm…lemme see….while you probably don’t do any refunds, returns, or exchanges, it doesn’t matter because please know i’ve been VERY happy with the vignette that is titled “The Time Being”. i’m keeping this one.

    🙂

    lotza love……

  10. avatar
    daniel 27, 15 | 7 November 2006 at 11:52 pm #

    Thanks for not telling us anything at all. Didn’t want this post to end.

  11. avatar
    damien | 7 November 2006 at 11:59 pm #

    Because your work life has been recorded on vinyl, tape, CD, video, DVD and in the the press for the last twenty-six years the past is ever-present. I have interviews with you from Juke and Rolling Stone and myriad other music mags of yore that I have kept like an obsessive ultra-fan all these years that I can read any time and if I want it to be then 1990 can be right here right now. I can’t really remember much of what I was doing in 1990 but I could tell anyone who was to ask what Steve Kilbey and/or The Chruchu were doing then. What I think I’m trying to get at is that it must be easier for you to access your past than it would be for the average schmo (unless they are assiduous diarists) because it has been so extensively documented.

    This book that’s coming out, “No Certainty Attached”, did you cooperate with the author on that?

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 12:00 am #

    I hope you don’t feel that you have to “spill your guts” everyday to us sk, and write about all your past high ‘n’ lows in life (eventhough I’d give 500 bucks in a flash to hear it all!!), I can imagine you don’t really want to falshback everyday to what’s been and gone. Your poetry and Nevets tales will keep me reading just as much as the nostalgia, I just hope you’ll write ANYTHING after Nov 22nd!! Please don’t end this!
    Have a beautiful day.
    Love you always,
    Princey

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 12:31 am #

    dear sk
    november greetings
    to you from boulder

    thank you for the
    beautiful blogg today
    i remember coming home
    from thanksgiving
    in boston last year to
    discover that you
    the one and only sk
    had invited me
    (in a manner of speaking)
    to stop in at the sk cafe
    for a soy latte
    with wheat toast
    and apricot jam

    and share your
    incredible ideas
    on a daily basis
    wow
    pretty amazing
    sk
    it’s been
    an inspiring
    thrilling
    emotional
    thought provoking
    fun
    wonderful
    year

    it is a privelige
    to read your
    words steve

    much love
    diane
    xo

    ps
    if you
    keep writng
    i’ll keep reading

  14. avatar
    stealthblue | 8 November 2006 at 12:32 am #

    That was a great little roller coaster ride! Just the visuals alone are priceless…
    Thanks again,
    Ben V.

  15. avatar
    tony innane from kpox in sauselito! | 8 November 2006 at 12:49 am #

    Actually, it was ksux in sauselito.

    The nerve of some people. sheesh.

  16. avatar
    verdelay | 8 November 2006 at 12:49 am #

    Then the singer tells us how he sings his song

    and it’s never quite how we thought it would be
    his emotions aren’t quite ours
    his reactions don’t quite match up
    the trick seems just a little easy/hard
    the answer doesn’t really make any sense

    it wasn’t us.
    we weren’t there.
    it isn’t really real. and never will be.

    not for us.

    perhaps not for you either.

    but we want to hear anyway.
    that’s what distinguishes men from gods…

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 12:56 am #

    Hi Steve,

    I hope you keep probin’ the under belly. Ant relation to Leadbelly??

    Looking forward to seeing the you and the crunchies in Jan at Sandalford very much. Have got the tickets n all.

    Much love
    Celticat

  18. avatar
    Daberhasher | 8 November 2006 at 12:59 am #

    well, that pretty much covers it, olde bean… i’m pretty happy now, been that way for a long time now… thanks for the ride, as always…

    aloha,
    ee

  19. avatar
    syrinx | 8 November 2006 at 1:12 am #

    “don’t believe everything ya read
    even if you wrote it yourself..”

    bravo.

  20. avatar
    leelinau | 8 November 2006 at 1:13 am #

    gawt dammit

    GRrr!

    sometimes a single second
    takes an hour to describe

    :squeak

  21. avatar
    Glen Sherman | 8 November 2006 at 1:19 am #

    Steve, I don’t think you have to worry about leaving a mark here. You’ve added some of the finest tracks to the soundtrack of Life on Earth. I fully expect that the well-heeled and well-versed of centuries to come will admire your incredible compositions. In our one meeting, you asked (as you walked to the SUV), “Should we continue to do this until we’re in our nineties?” If I had not been dumbstruck in Radiance, I might have been able to tell you that you just keep improving with each passing year. Yes, Steve, keep going for as long as you feel that you would never empty out. I am listening. And I am many.

  22. avatar
    JJ | 8 November 2006 at 3:16 am #

    For a long time, there was this impenetrable barrier between this artist I followed and myself. So, all perspectives on his life experiences, thoughts, happenings could never be ascertained, yet the songs remained and one was left to wonder. It’s strange and a bit surreal to read these things as if you’re speaking to an audience of followers, or (my stupid ego here) even to myself. It’s humanizing, to gain this view behind the veil that did not exist before “blogs.” To find out you had the same sad or sordid school experiences, the same jealousies or conflicts, or weaknesses we all had – I don’t know, it’s just sort of reaffirming. There’s some confessional stuff here, some celebratory stuff, some somber stuff, some sublime. You don’t seem defensive or guarded in laying it out, or “pulling punches,” that’s what keeps me reading. Yeah, I’ll admit to a voyeuristic interest in what was going on with the band, with you, those around you, but…… I’ll keep tuning in.

    Boring it isn’t. The daily Time Being is essential reading.

    JJ

  23. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 8 November 2006 at 3:18 am #

    sounds like you are setting this audience up for the big blurred banger me bay bee…
    Ne iko

  24. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 8 November 2006 at 3:49 am #

    stickin wit the thickets

  25. avatar
    Melquiades | 8 November 2006 at 4:15 am #

    ugh.. that was thick, man.
    Thick and grissly
    like harsh reality
    wih a blade against your throat
    threatening your existience and virtue
    Reality in a poetic written piece
    makes me not want to ever do
    and wonder why I never did.

    what a blessing.receipt and card
    that’ll just stick about the receipt.
    How did that get there?

  26. avatar
    Melquiades | 8 November 2006 at 4:45 am #

    isn’t this a great medium we have here?
    Swathed in technological candlelight.

  27. avatar
    Melquiades | 8 November 2006 at 4:50 am #

    Deft introspection
    lucid recollection

    and with a whisper and a bang
    I’m out of here…….

  28. avatar
    Happy Belfday | 8 November 2006 at 4:52 am #

    Killa – the guy who said you’d write a better book than Julian Cope was bang on – let’s be having it!
    Nice birthday blog – thanks
    Bf

    PS – Discs on the way nxt week
    Marconi Union is great – You’ll love Ulrich Schanuss – similar..

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 4:56 am #

    “and who are you reading this twaddle?
    whats in it for ya?
    so yer interested in my back pages, are ya?”

    “Discovering that his love is reciprocated really ought to disenchant the lover with the beloved. “What? She is so unassuming as to love even you? Or so stupid? Or—? Or—?” – Friedrich Nietzsche

    Just recently discovered your blog, told my story of sk fan shock at 19, encouraged you to hug your kids and look for jacarandas, to maintain hope.

    This latest entry makes me think of the Nietzsche quote above….how odd for you to be loved by people you’ve never met. It is love you know, this strange fan-thing so many of us project at artists, actors, singers, writers etc….how odd for you to get that from people at times when you’ve felt like shit, when your life was going off the rails.

    Do you ever get used to it?

    It seems to me it would be natural at times to feel that people are ‘stupid’ (for want of a better term) for fan- loving you, for wanting your autograph as badly as you’ve wanted a fix.

    Who am I and what’s in it for me? Voyeurism to a degree I guess, is that wrong? I don’t know. Understand though it’s also that silly old fan-love, listening to you sing when I was 19 and a virgin and was stupidly convinced nobody would ever love me, finding so much meaning in your lyrics riding the old Western suburbs trains listening to my walkman so long ago.

    I think for many fans it really isn’t about the real person, you in this case….it’s this creation that’s come into being somewhere between the real you (with your partner, your kids, your life experiences) and the fan. It must be difficult to deal with fans approaching you with their mythical sk in their eyes, wanting something they probably can’t even articulate.

    Thanks for the look at your back pages, I think I prefer the sk I’ve found at this blog to the too cool for school music dude I’d created in that space between artist and fan….and hey if the blog sk is another illusion, at least I’ve got a new one.

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 6:49 am #

    A biography of Steve Kilbey
    called “No Certainty Attached”
    is due to be released in 2007
    by Verse Chorus Press.

    not as fun as the blog

  31. avatar
    Fandorin | 8 November 2006 at 6:53 am #

    but still the said author robert lurie is NOT “the fucker with the high school thesis who wasnt there”,as another commmentor said. the fucker who bad-mouths people doing a good job (as far as i have read).

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 7:27 am #

    you’re on form mr k – just look at all your comments

    interestedly, pip

  33. avatar
    eek | 8 November 2006 at 7:53 am #

    Damn. That does seem to pretty much cover it. Now if you can just take each and every line of today’s blog and flesh it out in it’s own blog entry…. 😉

    I know. I’m such an ingrate. You give me the world and I just want more, more, more!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Stefan, I suspect the “fucker who bad-mouths people doing a good job” is a jealous little twit best to be ignored.

  34. avatar
    fantasticandy | 8 November 2006 at 8:04 am #

    step to one side please mr.de mare,mr.kilbey has something to say!

  35. avatar
    don joe | 8 November 2006 at 8:13 am #

    the truth be known and thou shall follow…

    and: never let the truth get in the way of a good story….

    and: an ultimate truth has no time place form or event, for anything to persist in this universe there has to be a lie behind it…

    a bold brash and blunt telling of those years to come. guess your game plan is a little different this time round.

    awaiting reply….out.

    ML,
    don joe

  36. avatar
    malenkybit | 8 November 2006 at 8:40 am #

    Damn you. I wish I could sit on a porch with you and not say a word. Just watch the evening go along and absorb it all. Bit drunk tonight. Usually try not to comment on your blogge.

  37. avatar
    captainmission | 8 November 2006 at 9:37 am #

    hey man maybe you manifested us, ever think about those songs/ spells you cast, radiating into space time, being picked up on some weird frequency we tuned into, and now, here we are….

    personally i’m happy just to have the chance to say, thanks for the tunes / spells, they were pivitoval in some kinda evolution of my spirit.’
    the rest is a just a huge bonus i never saw coming…

  38. avatar
    ambnt1 | 8 November 2006 at 10:27 am #

    Steven,

    The SK I grew up with was a mythological rock god with magical powers (singing/songwriting/bass playing) who did not travel the same mundane plane of existence as us lowly human non-rock gods. I still think this, but the blog has demystified ya somewhat. Even rock gods have bad days. Good one today!

    –Chris

    n.p. Bill Laswell/Laraaji,”Sacrifice”
    (ambnt bass n’zither dronefest)

  39. avatar
    fergal | 8 November 2006 at 11:40 am #

    !los mementos obscuridados!
    !muy bien!
    ~

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 11:40 am #

    Steve, Steve, it’s NOT that we want to know every last detail, with “all ambiguity explained away” and made mundane.
    No – it’s the biting fucking wit and the sharpness of the Kilbey observation that we want more of!

    The sample chapter of this impending biography doesn’t have a 50th of the life, the cutting humour, the nailed-it-in-one description, or the fuck-you vibrancy of yesterday’s blog.

    Steve, it doesn’t matter what subject you tackle – I just it when you’re in full flow and making the fuckers have it! Who wouldn’t want more of that?

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 11:43 am #

    love it, I mean…

  42. avatar
    dig | 8 November 2006 at 12:23 pm #

    ‘rock and roll’

  43. avatar
    biggle boggle | 8 November 2006 at 12:55 pm #

    tv hosts n disc jockeys
    Q: blah blah blah?
    A: blah blah blah!

    That’s the best!

  44. avatar
    nickfiction | 8 November 2006 at 1:24 pm #

    this was a great read, i have to comment on Jay Dee, nothing against TP , however credit must given to his playing on P=A one of my church ” faves ” This album was full of great stories, great riffs, amazing atmospheric production. It was awesome, I’m sure the record label HATED IT!!! It must be listened to with the headphones ON! JD’s drumming was well written, and executed even better, where is that guy ? I hope he’s doing better than Nick Ward……….

  45. avatar
    sue cee | 8 November 2006 at 1:30 pm #

    no matter how much you bare your soul, your self, your life sk.. its nigh impossible to unravel the real timebeing …find the end of the string… and so, let the music and the words flow on! yes?

    x

  46. avatar
    restaurant mark | 8 November 2006 at 2:04 pm #

    with eloquence n style…of course, how else would you do it? i’m happy now, thank you very much. had a great time recording last night. things were just flowing right. love the blog man.

  47. avatar
    CSTCoach | 8 November 2006 at 2:51 pm #

    Thanks for that glimpse, SK. Fascinating stuff. Just a job, I guess. One with ups and downs at more extreme ends. Thankfully the choich isn’t satisfied with just a job (and the paper and empty accolades that brings in) and has settled on a craft, and remained true to that.

    ahh nostalgia, my weakness too.

    ryan

  48. avatar
    John Garratt | 8 November 2006 at 3:33 pm #

    Hey malenkybit, I’ve left comments on here while drunk. Thankfully, it wasn’t something really, really stupid that I regretted later on.

    Oops, ended with a preposition.

    John

  49. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 7:18 pm #

    Bloody hell sk you’ve been spammed!

    Bugger off scott.a.edwards and take ya spam with ya!

  50. avatar
    ben | 8 November 2006 at 7:25 pm #

    its a tender sore being exposed beyond anything iv ever experianced. its a part of me i never realized would become me and i seem a fool to care but no doubt that i do. also im humbled by my own ignorance and im somehow thankfull. i have been carried to you and by you so it seems that you have had a taste that im just gettin a taste of. and it hurts. really bad. its always been my image iv adored. young in years blind in reason. still the mind refers to the past. my image had too leave god and the present as he is the present, but iv discovered my past is very much present with him. the blood heals. that simple. and no, im highly uncomfortable but dont apologize. war stories could be shared. i feel im repaying a debt beyond my influence. oh and travel is possible but not frightening though i never have. its just the invisible thats been promised once my mind subjects and is no longer subjected by men. but i dont really know that. seperate from the basics which i died for and would at this point die for. i love you but not capable altogether. im clueless with defenite clues. i am thankfull for u in ways i dont altogether understand

  51. avatar
    gareth,notts | 8 November 2006 at 7:26 pm #

    steve,i really think you could knock out quality books on a regular basis if you wanted to,in any style aswell,another cracking blogge,…..oh,and scott a. edwards f**k off elsewhere with that crap,bleedin parasite!!!

  52. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 November 2006 at 8:37 pm #

    i’m listening to you sk, as i often do, and it’s beautiful as always. Then suddenly and without warning (that is the definition if suddenly, no?) I cannot concentrate. CANNOT. I hear your voice and in this moment I am a young girl, with butterflies in my stomach, being kissed for the first time, by a strange new boy. Where did that come from? How did you do that? It was heaven. Your voice is perfection. Thanks for it all especially at this moment, a song to go. Jen

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