posted on October 20, 2008 at 8:49 pm

1st of all
i do not know how they can be selling painkiller for 2.95
because wherever theyre getting em from
theyd be paying the wholesale price
whichd range from 10 to 12 bucks
so its possible that theyre deliberately losing money on it
to give you a good deal so you’ll buy more stuff there
or its a mistake
or some weird third possibility
but if you wanna go ahead n buy one
its ok
alls fair in love n war
thank you to the people who generously subscribed yesterday
i appreciate it
it will enable me to go on writing for you
some of you are very very generous
i will endeavour to keep the standard of writing high
i apologize to my friends n readers
for the stupid attacks
queen hazza-shotput put it best
and i cannot castigate this rascal any better than her winged words
he seems infuriated by your “love” for me
is it because he deems me unworthy
or does he want that love himself?
what is his axe hes grinding to prompt this vicious untrue vitriol?
look i hate to be criticized of course…dont we all?
but i wont delete it
but i’ll delete unwarranted attacks on my dear patrons and subscribers
i walked in the manly boatshed the other night
and when i saw mission there….i felt like it was gonna be alright
hes a bloody lovely bloke…a real diamond geezer
why do i wanna see him attacked for being my mate?
eekie has loyally supported my artistic career since it began
encouraging me
sending me a load of art bits n pieces
shes swallowed losses when we were ripped off
shes worked tirelessly to get my exhibition ready
and shes not afraid to tell me i’m wrong
this wonderful lady has made my painting career happen
almost single handedly
you dont think it makes my blood boil to read that bloody tripe…?!
my people
you made me proud
you handled yourselves with aplomb
with witty n pithy answers
i applaud you
and so we wonder who this nuisance is
and i gotta good idea
think someone who is disgruntled with me
think an american bloke….maybe a musician…?
am i getting warm?
actually i dont care
lets just ignore ‘im
and i’ll delete his dribble as i find it…

my brother russsell has a doco on sbs on wednesday night
i am so bloody proud of him n amy his missus
they took a negative thing
and turned it around
they gambled on an outcome
they persisted
they had faith
they spent their own dough
and voila!
a doco on telly
go on…if ya think its easy…you try n do that!
russell…look after me when you hit paydirt olde son
or i’ll be givin’ ya the mal tern-balls treatment on here
envy n scorn
and i gotta lot more dirt on you than him too!!
seriously tho
congratulations my bro
i love ya
you done us proud!

54 Responses to “i am what you say i am”

  1. avatar
    MEM | 20 October 2008 at 10:06 pm #

    dreams, dreams, dreams…
    i still don’t have
    my pain killer…

    when will it land
    upon these shores?

    more from the membeing

  2. avatar
    Cita | 20 October 2008 at 10:07 pm #

    Humble prose. The tight rope walker who becomes one with the universe.

  3. avatar
    Peter Podcast | 20 October 2008 at 10:10 pm #

    Thanks Brother.
    Hope you enjoy the show!
    Music could be louder I know but wasn’t time to fix.

    8 PM Wednesday SBS

  4. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 20 October 2008 at 10:31 pm #

    “my brother russsell has a doco on sbs on wednesday night
    i am so bloody proud of him n amy his missus
    they took a negative thing
    and turned it around”

    am looking forward to this show!…

    …my brother has Asperger’s

    he never let it stop him

    he travelled the world on a pension
    sleeping out
    eating wherever

    new york

    “go on…if ya think its easy…you try n do that!”

    i am so bloody proud of him too!

  5. avatar
    princey | 20 October 2008 at 10:42 pm #

    I read about the show in the Age last night and I’ll definitely watch it. It made me teary to know that your nephew has Asperger’s and that so many people suffer from it, it must help Rk and his wife cope making the “Rainman goes to Rockwiz” doc and the other documentary on their son.
    You Kilbey’s are beautiful people, I love you all!
    love Amanda

  6. avatar
    Brian | 20 October 2008 at 10:48 pm #

    Me onstage, kraut-rockin’ my fuckin heart out at saturday’s UK Electronica with Altres.

    Like my t-shirt, Steve?


  7. avatar
    matt davison | 20 October 2008 at 11:50 pm #

    Good on ya Russ… wish I could see it in NZ.

    Killer go get em pal!!

  8. avatar
    Andrew Grimm | 21 October 2008 at 12:48 am #


    i do believe your poster was american… sounded american… as i’m sure i do as well… i too am a musician type person… i played in dewey beach delaware this past weekend… it was soul crushing… and although my musical partner and i laughed through it… and as always it seems when we play… it made us stronger.

    we were at xm radio in dc, when you did the in studio, the last time the church was in the u.s. you walked by me… i think you were eating soy chips… i nodded… you nodded…it was a thing…

    anyhow… to hear that you, an influence… someone who has shaped my view on music and writing… you have issues with draw and getting paid… i’m shocked but oddly feel a bit relieved that even my idols have problems… wow.

    i look forward to painkiller… and you or the church coming into the u.s…. oh right… i remember something from the post… following the muse is more important that making the money… all of your work should pay for itself and support a family.


  9. avatar
    steve kilbey | 21 October 2008 at 2:22 am #

    dewey beach de…not the hub of the music biz, huh?

  10. avatar
    markobears | 21 October 2008 at 2:22 am #

    CD Wow! sure they ain’t some bootleg company? Seems like they already ripped off cdnows name.
    I’ve been reading a little over a year now. Also been visiting Hotel Womb and SHadow Cab about a decade and think i know who anon is/are.
    None of my business but it does bother me to see a conflict between someone like me and you Mr Kilbey. I’ve heard too much Buddhist malarkey from author/fans around these parts to believe this conflict will last forever. Read all these negative comments with a scence of humor. And for anon, at least go to get a profile pic and use an offensive name. Hugs and Kisses for everyone (O;

  11. avatar
    m.p.k | 21 October 2008 at 2:24 am #

    Hey SK,
    I never listened to the Church until Forget Yourself came out. And then because it was I admit from idol curiosity about “what do the rest of the songs that the band that recorded Under the Milky way” sound like. I had heard something essential in that song and wanted to explore. It was very daunting attacking the prolific stack of recordings you all have made, but I was richly rewarded. I can’t imagine the world now without your music. It’s part of my heaven. The Forget Yourself album completely blew my mind and still does. Now with ULTC, Back With Two Beasts, and your solo work the music continues to grow and build on itself in my mind.

    It took me a lot of listening to understand what was going on. I didn’t get it at first, but I heard a thread of something that no one else has captured, still elusively evading me until eventually, subliminally ,a switch was flipped. Music and light and threads spun -something being created by you of which what manifests here and now is only a brilliant spark. I saw the Church on the acoustic tour for ULTC for the first time in ’06 in San Francisco. I went to the Vandermeer movie screening and then too and fell in love with that book as well. If the passion for performing stateside despite the aggravations moves you again, I will be there. Eventually, when I have enough money and mostly when I have a bigger space I hope to be able to own one of your paintings as well.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 4:18 am #

    An American musician, I think I know…
    Hang on. What real American musician would read this blog?
    Damn you red herring I thought I’d cracked this case wide open.
    And as for hackers, don’t they go after money or high security classified type info not the eeeekkks of the world.

  13. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 21 October 2008 at 6:10 am #

    so why don’t we just put them all in their writeful place and give them LIFE BY THE DROP already and let’s be done with it!!!
    Sit Down Jonny

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 6:27 am #

    Kilby you have slagged so many people on this blog it could be one of thousands.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 7:57 am #

    Turn off the Anon’s…

    Turn off the Anon’s…

    Turn off the Anon’s…

    Turn off the Anon’s…

    Turn off the Anon’s…

    Turn off the Anon’s…



  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 8:50 am #

    Painkiller – the album that even the Steve Kilbys of the world can afford.

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 9:04 am #

    True sk is broke but he has wonderful freckles. :)) {hug} {wink} :00) {[blowjob]} {another wink} :0) [{Blush}]

  18. avatar
    fandoryn | 21 October 2008 at 9:10 am #

    true anonymous is hilarious (nudge nudge), but it’s even more hilarious imagining that fucking loser typing his miserable little jokeoids

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 9:24 am #

    Hey, the original wag from sheffield is back. This time as ‘fandoryn’

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 9:33 am #

    That’s it, someone call the karma police.
    OOOppps, I guess they already have.

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 9:45 am #

    Rock n Roll for Eva n Ron !;Dwag that!;D

  22. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 21 October 2008 at 10:39 am #

    will make note of sbs pecial and make sure i watch or at least record it for later watching…tell ya what steve, you may not have a shit load of money but you have something much more precious….wonderful family and lotsa friends….true?

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 11:52 am #

    What’s this about a wag from Sheffield? I’m in Sheffield but I’m no wag. Steve, if you can pinpoint this dick’s location, I’ll go over there this very day and exact some retribution for ya!

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 11:55 am #

    I see someone here from Swadlincote in Derbyshire – is that near enough?

  25. avatar
    veleska1970 | 21 October 2008 at 12:04 pm #

    ewwww…..i’m away for a while and i come back to the anon crap that’s been raging since this blog was started. i went back and read queen h’s comment about it, and she is RIGHT. why do they care?

    **shrug** i stopped reading the anon comments a very long time ago. i have enough drama in my life without adding all that negative energy to it. so i don’t read. i just wish the anon would realize that all that negative energy is poison mostly to themselves than to others. you are what you think you are, and as the anon continues to spew forth that poison, they are not betting themselves as an individual.

    well, enough of that….

    congratgs to russell!!

    lotza love….

  26. avatar
    veleska1970 | 21 October 2008 at 12:05 pm #

    “congrats” to russell. damn errant fingers!!

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 12:19 pm #

    Is this the anon asshole from the other week who pretends to be everyone else, even down to copying phrases in other people’s posts so it sounds a bit like them, just to try and stir the shit?
    I doubt very much that they’re really from any location they willingly state themselves. I mean, come on, that’s just obvious shit-stirring, nothing else.
    They probably just get the info from the Site Meter at the bottom of the page and go off on their little psycho trip before their mum brings their bedtime drink and tucks them in for the night.

  28. avatar
    veleska1970 | 21 October 2008 at 12:24 pm #

    uh, that also should have been “bettERING themselves as an individual.”

    my batting average with spelling and grammar isn’t the best today, is it? i can attribute my errors to the exhaustion i’m experiencing…..

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 12:34 pm #

    Hey, the wag from sheffield has ditched the fandoryn name and is back to anonymous. good news for all

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 12:39 pm #


  31. avatar
    Melby Symon | 21 October 2008 at 12:57 pm #

    Wednesday night you say…will tune in with interest.

    Seems like I missed the broohaha yesterday…that’s what happens when I don’t make the time to log on ! Anyway…seems like you are dealing with the problem in your usual indominatable style…keep up the good work SK.

  32. avatar
    anton | 21 October 2008 at 1:00 pm #

    Wish I could see the doc. Hope this is the start of something good for ya, Russ.

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 1:05 pm #

    Is that a Painkiller shirt?

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 1:06 pm #

    Hi Steve, I am the original wag from univ of sheffield. Please don’t associate me with this new wally. I’d like to kick his teeth in. Probably lives with his mum. Just want to be clear that the original wag from sheffield with all the clever sign in names has nothing to do with this new mickey. Everybody have a wonderful day!! Cheers from sheffield.

  35. avatar
    sergezéni | 21 October 2008 at 1:07 pm #

    Painkiller this! Painkiller that! Hey, Sir Anon, why are you wasting so much time spitting on stuff that you despise?!
    And what about your own music — if you’ve got some. You have something to share? I’d bet my plates and forks anytime that you don’t even have a half-decent demo to come along with.

    Go fuck yourself to death, shabby asshole!


  36. avatar
    verdelay | 21 October 2008 at 1:22 pm #

    It’s like a perverse public form of ego suicide, isn’t it?


    I hearby raise my glass to all and everyone reading this who has ever finished something they’ve started – a record, a documentary, a book (writing or reading one!); in fact, any creative project or endeavour.

    Well done to you.

    To conceive something is merely godlike; to see it through to completion is truly human.


  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 1:23 pm #

    A university would have a networked computer system, right? So if there’s 2 people using it to access the blog, it’d just register as one address, right?
    Ooh, a Sheffield stand-off!
    But then, Steve says the asshole’s from America…oh, fuck it, I’m with Veleska and the rest: turn off the anon.s, Steve! I won’t be able to comment anymore, but it’ll be a price worht paying to keep the asshole away.

  38. avatar
    bev g. | 21 October 2008 at 1:56 pm #

    I think Stevo’s sussed who this tosser is and all this Sheffield crap is just desperate bullshit to pin the blame elsewhere. As if the twat would admit it if he really was from there!
    Ya got him, Stevo: “disgruntled Amercian muso”, for definite!

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 3:20 pm #

    Yep, I’d reiterate the point at 11.19. Rings true to me.

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 3:26 pm #

    Sheffield wag talking to himself through various anon voices. BORING. You are at university, go chase some skirts!

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 3:37 pm #

    what’s all the aggro about, it’s not like the wag is cutting down rainforests or helping Paris Hilton become more famous, is it? Just ignore him/her and it’ll go away.
    cheers from Germany

  42. avatar
    Anthony | 21 October 2008 at 3:52 pm #


    Haven’t posted for a while as I’ve been really busy… of course I still read every day. If I understood it right, Russell’s son has Asperger’s? Our Asher (that we showed you pictures of backstage in Atlanta) is probably going to fall on the Autism spectrum (he’ll be officially diagnosed at his next evaluation)… high-functioning, but on the spectrum no less. He’s also Apraxic and has been in speech therapy for a year. He’s doing fantastic but it’s been very worrying and stressful. The Autism isn’t really noticeable to most people, but it’s there and we just embrace it as part of who he is… a sweet, beautiful and loving 2 1/2 year old. He leaves a major impression on everyone he meets. I’m so thankful for him! Early intervention was the key to his success and the goal is to have him mainstreamed by first grade (his developmental pediatrician thinks it’s attainable). I wish I could see the documentary. Maybe he can post it online after it airs?

    Thanks for the blogs and the music. Can’t wait for Painkiller to arrive. Get your ass over here and tour soon!

    Love and peace,

  43. avatar
    CSTCoach | 21 October 2008 at 3:58 pm #

    congrats to Russell! wish we could watch it over here. i have a cousin with asperger’s, a really nice kid, extremely intelligent. i had no idea about the condition until i met him.

    congrats, man. i enjoy your work, still listen to the crystal set stuff, and love what you guys did on gilt trip.

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 4:18 pm #

    Won’t the postage on Painkiller cost more than $2.50?!

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 4:21 pm #

    dont sound at all like the wag to me, more like that sicko.

  46. avatar
    persephone2u | 21 October 2008 at 4:31 pm #

    Couldn’t we go anonymous free for a month or two? The cretin that is leaving all of these messages is not going to go away and obviously has a lot of free time on his hands.

  47. avatar
    eek | 21 October 2008 at 8:13 pm #

    Thanks for the sweet comments Steve. Denise really did bitch-slap the anon, didn’t she? I think she should be a warrior princess. 🙂

    Congratulations Russell! I remember reading about this documentary on your blog. Glad to see it’s getting a national tv airing.

  48. avatar
    steve kilbey | 21 October 2008 at 8:22 pm #

    dear perse
    we’re experimenting with ignoring him
    dont eat the pomegranates!

  49. avatar
    restaurant mark | 21 October 2008 at 8:52 pm #

    hey steve…good blog today. congrats to you russell.

    hey anthony…what’s up man? talk to ya soon! you and olivia are such good parents asher will be more than fine!

    anon 3:18- “what real american musician would read this blog?”
    what does that even mean??? i’m a real american musician and personally this i how i feel…let’s see…steve-great melodic bass player/marty-phenominal guitar player/peter-lovely guitartist also/tim-not a bad drummer by any definition…in fact pretty fucking good. even if i didn’t love the church’s music, if someone played them for me it would be obvious that the musicianship is top notch. silly anon…

    take care everyone

  50. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 21 October 2008 at 9:30 pm #

    Eek: You should see me when I REALLY get angry. 😉

    It’s amazing how many people know someone with Asperger’s. My cousin’s 7 year old son has it. He’s very high functioning but definitely has his own world sometimes. Whilst student teaching I also worked with a second grader who has it – and is not so high functioning. If anyone is interested in reading a first hand account of what it’s like to have it, there is a fantastic book out called “Look Me in the Eye” by a man named John Robson (not sure about the spelling of the last name.) He is the brother of the author Augusten Burroughs. Anyway, it’s a fascinating, well-written and honest look into what it’s like to grow up and live with Asperger’s. Highly recommended!

    p.s. I do movie reviews too ; )

  51. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 21 October 2008 at 9:31 pm #

    Oh – duh! I meant to say “Congratulations” to Russell as well! I too, wish I could see his documentary. 🙁

  52. avatar
    lily was here | 22 October 2008 at 11:03 am #

    Dear Russell, if you and Amy are reading: your doco was fanbloodytastic. We watched it 3 times. Mark was totally engrossing. We laughed with him and cried (at the cruelty of people). Man its hard to believe people can be so cruel and the bit where he said about wanting love broke my heart. For someone who is fairly new?? at this sort of thing you two did an amazing job, top class. Your family should be extremely proud. I think you should give up your day job and make more films.


    ps sorry for hijacking Steve, wasnt sure if RK was still reading his old blog

    pss hey to all the good guys n gals!

  53. avatar
    Anonymous | 27 February 2010 at 2:14 am #

    Jim asked him once. The man without a purpose. He answered quietly, gravely, No. He finished dressing, quickly, pitilessly. You do not approve of that statement? I wouldnt have allowed it! They cannot be reached by a rational argument. They majored in two subjects—mine and Hugh Akstons.

  54. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2010 at 7:01 am #

    She couldnt hear over the roar of energy to tell if she made a sound. Salin told me that he was awake, but hes not come out of his suite. Stay where you are. His attention was on her again, those red eyes intense even over the distance. But she wasnt lashing out. I did it, didnt I? Since you will be the test subject, I think youll be feeling more than seeing. She loved them as much as she loved her parents. This felt right, and she was here cutting out her soul anyway. Yes, Brevin agreed, thumbing aside a tear that slid down her cheek. She didnt want to know what Nialdlye had to say. Gritting her teeth, she glared up at Lanthan, who was watching her with obvious amusement. She writhed, prodding the tip of him with her drenched folds. The larger part of her brain writhed with the rest of her body. Delight sparked in his eyes when she drew up to her knees. Now that he was here, she was unsure how to begin. Again, she easily pictured it. As shed known she would, she melted. She shivered, squeezing him tight.

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