posted on November 19, 2009 at 4:53 am

billy wand lay in the tangled tower dazed like a lizard
scarlet k his girlfriend had gotten up n gone home
what the fuck…what day was this….
a loud banging at the door
bang bang bang
billy gets up n stumbles about
its his fucking 27th birthday
he looks in the mirror
youll be a funny little geezer when youre fifty
says the voice of james fox
bang bang bang on the door
billy pulls on his board shorts and a t
the t is a hologram t of moses accepting the decalogue
liten up for fucksakes said his mom or his mum
when she saw it
depending on his mood
billy was half english half american half australian
just like scarlet k
neither of em knew which accent they were s’posed to talk in
tomato tomarto whatever the hell bath barth
hot flash hot flush
speed humps or bumps
fringe or bang
ass or arse
bums or tramps
billy wand spoke a true transatlantic/pacific hybrid
he and scarlet k were at the forefront of the neo-linguists
signalling a revolt into style
the banging at the door
he cleans his teeth
he answers the door
some old guy
some tanned weathered old guy with a white beard
its scarlet ks father
he doesnt like billy wand seeing his daughter that much
after he n billy had argued over an intellectual copyright dispute
scarlet k had asked her dad…some ancient singer….
to look into this contract
and this guy said some rude things about billys work
tripe the old guy had dismissed it as
billy hadda google tripe to find out what it meant
the stomach of a cow or (archaic) nonsense
after that billy wand didnt dig him so much
anyway her father walks in like he owns the place
and billy wand is kinda angry with that
i wish we could be friends billy…
me too …said billy unconvincingly
but you cannot franchise free inloads of scarlets music ….
its my music too..billy began
but the old guy cut him off
will you listen billy will you listen….?
he then went into a long boring monologue about himself
and the 20th century (billys least favourite era)
and billy wands temper began to fray
what fucking year is this ? he angrily asked the father
the year i put you outta business …he answered
billy didnt wanna fight and he didnt want to fight his girlfriends father
the guy was like seventy not out
billy had a hangover tho
the heat
the hangover
the old guy in his face
they started to push each other around
you think im fucken afraid of you….?
you should back off right now before i do you.. good….
i dont care who you are i’ll fucking have ya!
suddenly theyre struggling
the old guys in reasonable shape
but hes old n feeble n billy overpowers him easily
and lets him slide down a wall as if hes hurt
but when billy squats down to look at him
the old guy head butts him right on the bridge of the nose
billys flat mate lowboy wakes up
lowboy plays i-bass in their virtual group
ice scream and jealous
lowboy introduced scarlet k and billy wand
lowboy was a big fan of scarlet ks father
his parents had indoctrinated him from an early age
he was billys best mate
he was confused to see these major forces in his life
to see them in such direct conflict
hey stop that he said brandishing a gun
billy was going berserk after the headbutt
the old guy was folded up on his side moaning
lowboy fired a shot into the air
the cops broke down the door
the terrorists attacked
the prophecy came true
the asteroid collided
the chasm yawned
the sea boiled
the earth erupted
the sun shuddered
the islands sank
existence was blotted out in that moment
and in heaven
a new lord sat in judgement of the dead
at his right hand stood an angel to lead you on high
or at his left
a solemn demon to take you below

17 Responses to “ice scream and jealous”

  1. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 19 November 2009 at 10:04 am #


    i'd say you'd be a very daunting oldie for any of your daughters' prospective steadies to come and meet…..sitting there at the kitchen table glaring at them over the top of your spectacles…..just what are your intentions, young man….

    love always…..

  2. avatar
    fantasticandy | 19 November 2009 at 10:51 am #

    damn, my life's been full of it this last week(year).
    final dudes album on it's way to ya soon big guy.

  3. avatar
    cazziem | 19 November 2009 at 12:05 pm #

    Lovely story SK. Never too old for a bit of fictional reading; but you know I always plan for the worst and hope for the best, so whether you go left or right it's what's in your heart and soul that matters, so like all good fairy tales it's missing the final three words……………….. happy ever after.

  4. avatar
    CSTCoach | 19 November 2009 at 4:06 pm #

    nicely played with the headbutt. lure him in with the fake injury and *POW* the glasgow handshake. the youth may have strength, but the older and wiser are crafty.

  5. avatar
    davem | 19 November 2009 at 6:34 pm #

    It's arse. No arguments.
    I'll have that Billy for you SK.

  6. avatar
    Noel Christian Riddell | 19 November 2009 at 6:54 pm #

    At the library yesterday some nasty-looking lout at a public computer was totally eye f***ing my 13 year-old daughter, unbeknownst to him that I was just a few feet away, this guy being my age or older. I felt every ounce of civility leave me and stepped toward him to let my disgust be known (if quietly) when I heard the librarian say, "All set."

    Ah, it's an adventure having daughters -now and, apparently, in the decades to come.

  7. avatar
    Cee | 19 November 2009 at 9:18 pm #

    Wow, this is better than that ol' 2012 movie!

  8. avatar
    princey | 19 November 2009 at 11:03 pm #

    Ok, I've taken note of that and I'll make sure to pass it onto Phoenix for future reference:))))

  9. avatar
    Crazy 4-yer Stories | 19 November 2009 at 11:14 pm #

    Then what? Which one leads away "the old guy"?

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 November 2009 at 1:03 am #

    It was very interesting for me to read that blog. Thanks for it. I like such topics and everything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read more on that blog soon.

  11. avatar
    Jasperina | 20 November 2009 at 3:00 am #

    At his right hand stood an angel to lead you on high or at his left a solemn demon to take you below…just today sold one of my paintings titled Butterfly Death Twirl, by coincidence it is the one posted here as my pic. In my imagination the good and the bad always hold hands.

  12. avatar
    Saint Louie | 20 November 2009 at 4:12 am #

    Excellent Story…wish i had you as a Dad telling me bedtime stories…that would of been cool, not saying my Dad wasn't cool as hell, because he was (still is) cool as hell! Just wish he could have wopped out stories like this when i was a kid, maybe i would have stayed off the drugs as a teen and twenty something…lol!

    At least we ALL have you right here, right now 🙂


  13. avatar
    matthew | 20 November 2009 at 6:02 am #


  14. avatar
    iseult | 20 November 2009 at 7:21 am #

    rics is closing this weekend

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 November 2009 at 11:20 pm #

    highs and lows
    are riding me rough
    shod (barely)
    on 2.5

    im prayin

  16. avatar
    lily was here | 21 November 2009 at 1:27 pm #

    A new leader again? Christ. Took us centuries to get used to this one

    great blog as always sk


  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 January 2010 at 10:58 am #

    nice post. thanks.

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