posted on October 19, 2008 at 8:06 pm

youd be much smarter
youd know what to do
shave off that beard
get some decent clothes
get rid of all those wrinkles
do some commercial stuff
some more modern/classic stuff
act my age but get younger
be nicer to people but get what i want
you wouldnt be obsessed with money honey
itd all just flow in without even trying
youd knock out a few more utmw’s
youd do more charity stuff
tour more in england n got millions of fans
youd write a perfect fucking blogge everyday
one full of hope blessings humour and poignancy
youd be warm open loving
but youd know where to draw the line
youd give up smokin’ dope…just like that
and my oh my
youd never have fallen for heroin or any of that
youd have a good manager
one that cared bout ya
n believed in ya
n never ripped you off because youre a little naive
youd expect the best from people just like i do
but youd actually get it
youd raise yer kids so they all loved n respected everything holy here
youd do yoga 3 times a day and be a judo master
youd do your own books n taxes
and be totally au fait with all legalities
youd be a man for all seasons
equally at home with a gnarled old roadie
or some breathless kid doing their 1st recording session
youd be alert and calm
not over-cautious but not slack n lax either
your teeth would be white n straight
no freckles would blemish your skin
your hair would get thicker n thicker
youd be best friends with everyone with whom you crossed paths
no hard feelings
no regrets
no wondering how it might have been
youd still be on arista knocking out masterpieces that sold respectably
youd be good every night
youd never forget the words or be cranky
youd never be insipid or smirking or boring
beauty would never dazzle you nor ugliness repulse
you probably wouldnt fucking swear
you been interested in all other musicians n do yer best to help em
you’d write a hit childrens book
youd be onstage at the opera house playing macbeth
youd never bitterly laugh at more successful less worthy singers
youd never get angry n despondent n thrash about
youd never flounder….youd always swim like the dolphins can swim
youd invest all yer money wisely
youd own homes in aust,eng,us n sverige
god your swedish would be perfect by now
n youd have a green card
and a carte blanche
and a black beemer
and a clean record
and a new leaf
youd never need advice
but if you got it
youd know whether to take it or not
youd trust the right people n never get let down
youd mistrust the right people n always be proved right
no mistakes
no blunders
no lapses of taste
no bad rhymes
no false starts
no bum notes
no parking tickets
no fear
youd be a bloody masterpiece
oh god i wish i was you being me
and one other thing youd never do
if you were me
youd never blab it all out on a blog
like i do

62 Responses to “if you were me”

  1. avatar
    verdelay | 19 October 2008 at 8:56 pm #

    Looks like you’ve gone and got a good thirty managers or so in the past twenty four hours. One for each territory, and a spare for heaven. I bags Antarctica. I could sell you to the penguins, I just know it…

  2. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 19 October 2008 at 9:05 pm #

    It’s very unsettling for many commentors not to see you and The Church more commercially rewarded for the indisputable merits of your magnificent post UTMW albums and songs. There are many other overlooked talented individuals and bands including Mae Moore whose Kilbey produced ” Bohemia” is one of the greatest CDS I’ve ever heard.

    Good family, friends, veganism, yoga and spirituality are your key to sustaining through all the travails. In the grand scheme of things The Church are an incomparable niche in music’s vast history.

  3. avatar
    the dean | 19 October 2008 at 9:33 pm #

    Don’t let it bring you down, it just the bleating of so many sheep.
    Envy comes from comparison and some people even envy people with less, some more. The inner struggle is for us all to wage. A paraphrase from somewhere “I admire you despite my faults”.

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 October 2008 at 9:43 pm #

    i think you are doing as well as any human being can. this blogge alone is an overachievement.
    quite a few of us are tied to the ritual. to think i could ever be this close to my hero. you are my hero. don’t care what that sounds like.


  5. avatar
    fantasticandy | 19 October 2008 at 9:48 pm #

    steve… YOU?…take advice?
    pull the other one.

  6. avatar
    iseult | 19 October 2008 at 9:58 pm #

    if i was you i’d get on to listening to the audio here from tamarama

    download Sunday Brunch from Sydney ABC 702 Simon Marnie’s page

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 October 2008 at 10:20 pm #


    We are not you, we all have our own successes and failures in life, we all just got to try and achieve what we can.

    you have achieved shitloads you should be so fucking proud of that !!


  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 October 2008 at 10:22 pm #

    Also – Your your Brother’s has a Doco on Wednesday on National TV !!

    8:00Rainman Goes To Rockwiz

    Inside Australia: Rainman Goes To Rockwiz – Mark Boerebach is 37 and knows everything about the Australian music charts of the 1980s. Mark lives in Sydney but visits an imaginary world called Earth 2 every night in his dreams. Born blind, Mark regained 20 percent of his vision after a series of operations, and was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome while still in primary school. Earlier this year, at the suggestion of his TAFE teacher Russell Kilbey, Mark travelled to Melbourne to test his incredible musical knowledge at the Espy Hotel, on the music trivia show RocKwiz. His journey is captured here by Russell and his partner Amy Scully, whose son also has Asperger’s. Mark prepares for his trip by meeting music maestro Glenn A. Baker. He also meets RocKwiz adjudicator Brian Nankervis, who explains the preliminary knock out round. Despite Amy’s concern the bright lights and unfamiliar bustle of the crowd might overwhelm Mark, he flies through to earn his place on RocKwiz, alongside country crooner Catherine Britt and rock legend Max Merritt. Rainman Goes to RocKwiz provides a very personal insight into Mark’s life; sharing the difficult times of his childhood, and his dreams for the future, Mark’s optimistic personality shines through. The episode of RocKwiz featuring Mark, will screen this Saturday night on SBS. (Commissioned by SBS, in English) (Entertainment)

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 October 2008 at 10:50 pm # is selling Painkiller for $2.95. What the hell?

  10. avatar
    m.p.k | 19 October 2008 at 11:32 pm #

    Steve, you beautiful genius… I’m sure this has been hashed out before but please forgive a n00b. How come we can’t download Painkiller? Or am I missing something somewhere? I really want to buy it but how come we in the states have to order it through the post from Australia? If that is the only I guess it’s the only way…

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 October 2008 at 11:43 pm #

    If you stinking americans could buy painkiller in your country that would mean kilbey has sold out to commercialism of course. You can’t have a beard and make money, it is common fact. If you were ripped off by scumbags over a decade ago it would of course mean you have to be broke forever. It is much better if he does local gigs only and has to beg for a few hundred dollars rather than sell cd’s to u.s. fans. Stay bohemian kilbey and fuck the money.

  12. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 20 October 2008 at 12:29 am #

    and just what makes you think that i’m better than you and that somehow i’m doing things any better, my freind?
    let me tell you, there are a hell of a lot of things that you are better at than me and that you are doing better…i envy your vision and your creativity and your ability to make sublime music and poetry and art….god, what i wouldn’t give to have a tenth of your talent, steve….
    love always….

  13. avatar
    markobears | 20 October 2008 at 12:48 am #

    I’d be on some corner in Sweden playing UTMW for spare change so I could score some more dope. No joke, that’s probably what I’d be doing. My advice sucks.

  14. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 20 October 2008 at 1:02 am #

    I think your freckles are lovely 🙂
    It sounds as if you’re really having a go at yourself lately. Stop torturing yourself!!! I really just want to shake some sense into you right now man!

    You love and you are loved. In the end, I believe that is all that matters.

    p.s. the wrinkles aren’t bad either

  15. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 20 October 2008 at 1:19 am #

    “if you were me”

    As a wise man once said…
    “Why can’t you forget all this you and me-ing”

  16. avatar
    linjo | 20 October 2008 at 1:40 am #

    Hey Steve, maybe you should get one of those white trash haircuts (you know, shaved head with a rat tail) and start throwing your arms around like an ape! they seem to be doing ok on the charts.
    Wasnt the ARIA’s a joke! giving one chick all those awards based on the merit of one song! Linda

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 2:00 am #

    Just spent the w/end with the Robert Forster album, ‘The Evangelist’…what a fitting tribute to his old mate Grant. There are some real cracker songs on it and the last 2, that are both obout GWM, are stunners. Definately worth a listen, …brought a tear to my eye.

  18. avatar
    m.p.k | 20 October 2008 at 2:52 am #

    Ok, I just bought Painkiller from “” for a grand total of $3.50 including shipping. I feel like I just ripped you off SK. Next time you make it over here I’ll make it up to you. Either that or put a paypal button on your blog and I’ll be happy to donate.

  19. avatar
    steve kilbey | 20 October 2008 at 3:08 am #

    how could they sell it that cheap?

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 3:13 am #

    dunno..but that do

  21. avatar
    m.p.k | 20 October 2008 at 3:20 am #

    No worries mate, I found the paypal button on your page. You’ll be getting far more than that my friend.

  22. avatar
    m.p.k | 20 October 2008 at 3:22 am #

    dhude if you don’t know how they sell it that cheap, how would I? Sounds like a raw deal for you though…

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 3:28 am #

    Hey m.p.k. thanks for the post. It was nice being able to use paypal and get such a bargain. I have been wanting to purchase for quite awhile. In fact I bought 50 of them and will sell the extras on ebay for my fellow americans. Fortunately I am not too proud to make a few extra bucks.

  24. avatar
    eek | 20 October 2008 at 3:31 am #

    Re: Painkiller on — I’m thinking it’s a typo/missing figure. Nothing else there has a price that is anywhere close to that. If it’s a mistake on their part it’s shouldn’t be a problem for you (SK), but they should probably be notified of the problem.

  25. avatar
    m.p.k | 20 October 2008 at 3:46 am #

    Anon, I hope you’re not serious. I just sent SK what I think the cd should really cost it was a LOT more than $3. Are you planning to see that he gets some of that cash?

  26. avatar
    kat | 20 October 2008 at 3:56 am #

    markobears, i like your idea for me. i could stand on the corner with the acoustic and say i will play for money or dope. (just kidding, just say no'ers!)> i bet no one would go for it., or i would get run over in this rat race here.

    sk, gather the church and come to your out of town followers! ha

  27. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 20 October 2008 at 3:56 am #

    maybe it should read $42.99?

    SK’s other solo CDs are around $40 from the same site…

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 4:08 am #

    Hey m.p.k. Hell yes i’m serious. In fact i went back in and ordered 50 more before they catch the mistake. Hopefully they will honor the orders. whatever kilbey gets per cd is still in place so you can now multiply that by 100 and rest easy. Kilbey gets paid for 100cd’s and I am going to make some extra coin on ebay. And if I did send steve money it would clearly scar his artistic integrity and I cannot do that to him.

  29. avatar
    the dean | 20 October 2008 at 4:40 am #

    is this world getting weirder by the minute or what?

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 5:46 am #

    a bum dance with loopholes!;D x

  31. avatar
    kat | 20 October 2008 at 6:02 am #

    yes, its true the world is getting minute by the weirder. and yes, i meant to say it like that.

  32. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 20 October 2008 at 6:05 am #

    seeing how cheap painkiller was on that website it doesn’t bother me one iota that i paid what i was supposed to pay got it….worth every penny, my friend…
    love always…

  33. avatar
    Cita | 20 October 2008 at 6:29 am #

    Shave your beard…don’t even think about it.

  34. avatar
    chrome3d | 20 October 2008 at 6:52 am #

    All this probably happens right now in a parallel universe somewhere. You make it sound so easy.

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 9:22 am #

    Great blog today sk, comerford said it very well above, most of your fans and commentors just want you to get all the money you justly deserve. No need to take any of it personally. My mind can barely comprehend how you are playing rarely and for peanuts and madonna has net worth of 800+ million dollars.

    Percey Ledbetter

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 9:58 am #

    Interesting blog steve-o. You talk about how you are basically struggling for money and then turn on your commentors who get excited about the prospects of you making more money. Great form sport. Be honest, you only want people to comment who are yes-men. “love you steve, you are the man, love your freckles, no big deal we’ve all had a smack habit, anyone with your multiple talents should be broke and surrounded by roaches, its wonderfully bohemian, etc. Any critical comments and you take hissy fit like your three year old daughter. She comes by it honestly. Lighten up my brother.

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 10:19 am #

    i LOVE his freckles!;) :0

  38. avatar
    captain mission | 20 October 2008 at 10:27 am #

    anyone notice how theres so much hate and pain and i suspect a deep rooted self loathing in peoples lives that they are willing to waste time in some one elses blog to express it, rather than create their own expression of it in their own art.

    the difference between those that create and those that destroy is the difference between life and death, i know i’d much prefer to offer something meaningful and beautiful, warts and all, rather than some mediocre empty critism of some one else.

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 10:36 am #

    Hey capt mission, you were willing to “waste time” reacting to someones comments in someone elses blog. Twice removed in other words. Wow that is heavy. In the time it took you to write that you could have been creating.

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 10:37 am #

    PS Captain, your comments were both meaningful and beautiful, not “some mediocre empty critism of some one else.”

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 11:08 am #

    dear nasty anon,…its about freckles, werent listening,were you.keep on subject please?oh,for goodness sake.freckles freckles freckles…dya get it now?they make the world go around,:){oh,that n chocolate covered macadamias .}

  42. avatar
    eek | 20 October 2008 at 11:33 am #

    no parking tickets

    You get parking tickets? Why you scofflaw! I’m soooo disappointed in you. 🙁

    I do imagine many of the “you should do this” comments feel a lot like “you can’t do anything right, you stupid fuck” especially at vulnerable times. During a particularly difficult time in my life I had minor triumph and I was thrilled. I wanted to tell someone, so I called my sister. Bad move — she told me it wasn’t good enough and wouldn’t solve my problems (I already fucking knew that), then proceeded to tell me what I should be doing (according to her) instead. Thanks, sis! You just flushed my happy mood right down the toilet. Good job!

    I do think many (not all, of course) of the to you comments are well intentioned, even if they sometimes feel critical.

    And since I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, I just say this line made me laugh:

    you probably wouldnt fucking swear

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 11:36 am #

    Oops posted on how I knew you were the anon just as you were posting as yourself.

  44. avatar
    eek | 20 October 2008 at 11:38 am #

    anon at 10:26 PM — sorry sweetie, you must be thinking of someone else. I never post anonymously. Never.

    And your hacking skills suck. 🙂

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 11:43 am #

    Yes, what a strange coincidence eek. Jesus christ. haha You kilbey fans are pathetic.You just happen to post minutes after you were called out. Can anyone here be honest with themselves, especially the great kilbey. Uh oh, now we will have special blog about anonymous wanker and then they will be turned off.

  46. avatar
    eek | 20 October 2008 at 11:47 am #

    Think whatever you want if it makes you feel better, anon. :shrug:

  47. avatar
    Richard | 20 October 2008 at 12:03 pm #

    if I were you I’d make sure that the church comes to Darwin on its next tour (I mean, hell, your manager was born here)

    and if that was out of the question I’d do a solo gig at the next Darwin festival

    and when, inevitably, I let you down, I’d at least promise you that I’ll keep doing what I do for as long as I can

  48. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 12:07 pm #

    a reminder,to anonymous-the snake’s demise is apparent,when she begins to eat her own tale.

  49. avatar
    Richard | 20 October 2008 at 12:13 pm #

    ‘anonymous wanker’

    you could you call yourself that

    that’d take care of the anonymity

  50. avatar
    lily was here | 20 October 2008 at 12:46 pm #

    Bless ya Killer. Surround yourself with positivity. Heed the constructive advice and flush the rest away with a frothing glass of cold beer or a dip in the ocean.

    Congrats to Russell Kilbey on the doco, fantastic news! There’s a cool song to download on home page. Sounds a bit like The Waifs.

    ps If I were you? hmm,I’d autograph all those bibles LOL

  51. avatar
    restaurant mark | 20 October 2008 at 3:36 pm #

    wow…it’s attack of the anons!!! part 83…this time it’s personal. it was brien and myself last time…now it’s eek and captain mission’s turn apparently. look out velska…look out hellbound heart! you may be next on the list.

    i’ve got no advice steve…i’ve got too many of my own issues to tell someone else what to do. i just like your music and your writing. if that makes me an ass kisser by some anon’s definition then so be it…smooch

    take care everyone

    ps-sounds like you had a good time mission!

  52. avatar
    m.p.k | 20 October 2008 at 4:19 pm #

    Maybe the idea of losing “artistic integrity” is as much a sham as the idea of losing “moral integrity”. Do those with artistic integrity really have to maintain it? The people who don’t have “artistic integrity” never did have it to begin with so nothing was lost.

  53. avatar
    davem | 20 October 2008 at 5:01 pm #

    I’m happy to just be able to enjoy your words and music.

  54. avatar
    jaime r...... | 20 October 2008 at 7:09 pm #

    thanks much for Painkiller, it is so very grande and growing everyday…
    Im doing really well, I did two Lakota purification sweats at the Oneida reservation and it reminded me of how we are our mother earths children, they’ll never tell you about medicine like that… I hope things lean toward your favor monetarily…

    For the annonyance, who carries on like a jilted 19 yr old… one day you may find yourself a part of something that is bigger than you, that requires your full faculty… travel light and have some respect…

    blessings SK,
    jaime r…………

  55. avatar
    CSTCoach | 20 October 2008 at 7:25 pm #

    Awwww… but with all those changes you’d probably be a boring old fuck who no one would want to hang out with. At least this way you’re interesting 😉

    Think of all these traits as that bit of grit in the oyster’s shell that allows pearls to form…

    The killa is the killa. That’s all.

  56. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 20 October 2008 at 8:19 pm #

    Anon at 10:47 wrote:

    “Is there anything sadder than unrequited love?”

    Yes. Pathetic, mean, vitriolic, nasty, filthy, bottom feeding fucking c**** who seek attention on a blog by attempting to hurt other people for no apparent reason. Does it really make you feel that good? Are you getting off on it? How sad, sad, sad.

    Yeah, I like Steve’s freckles – what’s it to you? Yeah, ok, I’ll kiss his ass. What do you care? Why does it bother you so much? I’m going over to his house this afternoon to just kiss his ass ALL NIGHT LONG. Does that upset you?

    I’m sorry Steve. I hope Joycie isn’t reading this one. I don’t know why you don’t turn off the anons for good. What chicken shits that they can’t come out and show who they are. Must go now and practice my ass kissing so I won’t disappoint my Messiah, SK.


  57. avatar
    steve kilbey | 20 October 2008 at 8:32 pm #

    just a little to the right please…..aahhh!

  58. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 October 2008 at 9:20 pm #

    hahahahaha….xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.bless your left,as well.:-D haha!

  59. avatar
    GroovyDaddy | 21 October 2008 at 12:25 am #

    So, “Painkiller” is now $US55.99 on CDWow. Glad I just ordered it through the miracle of the Internets, with my hard-earned luchre going directly to Karmic Hit — even if I am a “stinking” American.

    And all congratulations to Russell Kilbey on his new documentary. Russell, if you’re reading, make a new record, please. I still dig the heck out of those old Crystal Set records!

    John Micek

  60. avatar
    ross b | 21 October 2008 at 1:31 am #

    ah don't worry about that're merely one of the finest musicmakers & the world's greatest bass player (sorry Jaco!)

    luv ya killa! r.

  61. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 October 2008 at 7:53 am #

    Again, for fucksake Steve, turn off the Anon’s!

    They simply add no value to any of our lives.

  62. avatar
    Glance Vance Dance | 21 October 2008 at 2:03 pm #

    nice blogging, line spacing.
    just found the blog today,
    stay creative…

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