posted on August 15, 2006 at 4:17 am

just when things seem to be going well…
and this is life…
i hear that aurora has smashed out one of her front teeth
her adult front tooth
oh no
dentist says pins
root canals
maybe still lose tooth
(it was knocked right out in a fall)
i speak to aurora
im so so sad thinkin’ of all the implications…
she says its ok dad, my medicine tastes really nice..
i dunno what to say
i dont think shes realised the possible nastiness involved yet
im so upset
choked up all the way to indianapolis
(which is a fantastic name)
oh to be a human is a trip
up n down
round n round
i’d rather it was my fucking tooth that got knocked out
i love my daughters more than anything
even perhaps emancipation itself
and so you see
maya has ensnared me
with her beautiful traps
and all the beautiful things i stretch out my hands towards
they are all illusion
and they bind me
and they blind me
and then nothing changes
and i come back around
maybe aurora my mother this time
maybe joycie bennett will be my daughter
and i go to these venues
and i play my heart out
and i think now things will change
but everything is fleeting
and i read this graffitti
in the dressing room last nite
and make of it what you will
and please feel free to substitute the gender
cos its the same deal

and thats maya in action
the perpetual illusion
the beautiful illusions
and this illusion
i’m sitting in a very luxurious hotel in indianapolis
its the sheraton baby
and sheila chandra is on my ipod
and i just talked to an indian guy
who patiently guided me thru the process
of getting on the net
cos it was nae easy
and i wonder what the fuck im doing here
and then we have a great gig lassa nite
and bang!
i know why i’m doing it
cos im a musician
and thats my job
but who else am i?
how deep does it go?
and what will it take?
all this illusion
enlightenment a second away
always a second away
thank you william youre very nice
thank you wadey n moksha for alex grey paraphenalia
thank you all the others who gave of themselves
belfast frank for the licorice n being yaself
chris for telling off the hotel manager politely
ah hell
i appreciate everything everyone does
dear queen i use phone card everyday!
michigan is leafy n beautiful
an incredible midwestern sunset
a little mist
torn clouds filtering the dying sun
i have yet another subway veggie sub
i walk across a giant highway in middle of nowhere
and i feeel so fucking lonesome
so abandoned
just the hot roads
the trucks whizzing by
nothing cares about me at all here
these desolate places i love
the tracks n ditches filled with rubble
the overgrown alleyways
the weedy fences n lonely paths
where no one comes
here on my own
i will never bridge the separation
the separation is an illusion
the bridge is an illusion
the “i” is an illusion
this whole world is one thing
it is a fault in our perception
that we experience separation
i try to break thru with music
how naive….
theres only one way
its a lonely n austere path
its a path ya gotta walk everyday
no holidays
no special mitigating circumstances
its a path that may seem to be leading nowhere…
look at all these pretty ornaments nevets
why follow the path…?
what path?
the warpath?
the middlepath?
the path of least resistance
you woulda thought id have known by now
we fly down the vast american freeways
we stop n pay our tolls
we leave one state n enter another
another gig
another song
another red bull n jager
another dressing room
soon this will all end
it will seem as if it never happened
and thats like life too…
and life is pleasant
and life is painful
and the pleasant can bring pain
and the pain can beget pleasure
and ya never really know nothin’ fer sure
ya never know what th’other guy is thinkin’
and misunderstandings abound
and so do blessings
and so many ladders
and so many snakes
and thats your gig, baby
thats why yer here
you read it here first

59 Responses to “indiana wants me, lord i cant go back there”

  1. avatar
    syrinx | 15 August 2006 at 5:25 am #

    I do not feel the bridges you manage to create for us, even if they are being torn down each day for rebuilding on the next, are illusion.

    But that’s just me. 🙂

    So sorry about your baby.

  2. avatar
    leelinau | 15 August 2006 at 5:28 am #

    awww!! *hugs*

  3. avatar
    don joe | 15 August 2006 at 5:37 am #

    Thx Steve. on track again. explore your path chosen…enjoy what it brings coz u put it and all u come across there yourself. Thats the reality, the illusion is what u put there. we are not a part of the physical universe. independant we exist of it……all will come to see this one day…….far away.

    Love your words, memories, pleasentrees. wishes for best health to your daughter.

    don joe

  4. avatar
    MarkM | 15 August 2006 at 5:41 am #

    Man, todays blog coulda been me talkin. (well apart from the SK status!)…I often feel exactly the same….up and down/black and white/night and day/great day followed by a few bad ones. Often just living in the grey zone. Hang in there SK…I find it amazing/upbuilding to read your blogge to discover that you can articulate those feelings so poetically-that’s a gift. Sorry to hear about your daughter…I never understood my parents saying they wished bad things had happened to them rather than us kids until I had my own little girl (she’s going on for 6 years old now and we’ve just discovered we have another on the way!)- and now WHENEVER something bad happens to her I wish it was me. That’s the emotional burden of being a parent that you never understand when you’re a child. Anyhow, I hope she’s OK. All the best, the countdown is on now for your return home. Take Care

  5. avatar
    lily | 15 August 2006 at 5:57 am #


    So sorry to hear about Aurora. Dental nastiness = no fun. I speak from experience. Wishing her all the best. Sounds like she’s hangin’ in there like a real little trooper!


  6. avatar
    MEM | 15 August 2006 at 5:57 am #

    thanks for your words sk. they ring true in my ears more oft thn not. much strength and light and love to you on these last legs of the tour. right there, by your side.


  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 6:15 am #

    My God, I was reading this beautiful entry, Esscai, and the hair on my neck stood up because your sentiments were an eerie echo of the great Jack Duluoz Kerouac when he was writing at his very best in, say, “Big Sur” and “The Dharma Bums” and in particular ‘The Railroad Earth” in Lonesome Traveller…Kerouac and Kilbey, hmmm.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 6:26 am #

    That’s made me feel a bit sad today sk. I hope Aurora is ok but I understand how down you must feel away from all your family, especially when they’re in pain. The illusion thing has got my mind spinning, I’m confused, but glad I read it first from the mind of nevets. Take care.
    Love and kisses (Greek stylee) from me (a.p.) to you.

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 7:03 am #

    I’m so sorry to hear about Aurora. So frustrating for you being away and all. What a downer. Fingers crossed they save the tooth! She sounds like a tough little thing.

    A big hug to you and the family.

  10. avatar
    Todd Goninon | 15 August 2006 at 7:17 am #

    There is a kind of bliss in
    the song of the weary traveller…

  11. avatar
    manfred | 15 August 2006 at 7:34 am #

    dear impressario
    on saturday you asked
    “are we less than animals?”
    well it might be even worse
    according to the mexican shamans
    our mind is not our own
    but a foreign installation by some inorganic beings
    which would explain a lot of the things you sometimes rant about
    for further reading:
    carlos castaneda, the active side of infinity
    the chapter is called mud shadows
    i thought i’d just recommend it
    from one hippy to another
    love and peace

  12. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 15 August 2006 at 7:44 am #

    Oh my dear Steve!
    I am near tears reading this…you see, when I was 9 years old, I knocked 6 of my upper front PERMANENT teeth out falling on asphalt…this was in 1976- I don’t want to get too graphic, but THEY SAVED MY TEETH!!! No pins, nothing – roots grew back…children’s bodies can be VERY resilient. I feel so badly for Aurora; I just want to hug yer sweet girl. It’s very possible they can save the tooth. I was wired up worse than a Christmas tree but 30 years later, I’ve still got these teeth. It must be SO hard for you to be separated from your sweet doodle and your family. I only tell you my story to give you some HOPE – if they could do that 30 years ago, imagine what they can do for your girl today.

    And you ask ‘what else am I?’ – well it’s obvious you are an AMAZINGLY loving, terrific dad. I know you wish you could go home and be with your sweet girls…I wish I had greater words of peace for you. I am glad you are using The Card (haha) to keep in touch w/family. I will keep ALL OF YOU in my thoughts and prayers…extra good vibes to sweet Aurora and strength to NK and you, for the rest of the tour. I would beam you home this second if I could.

  13. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus,..,.. | 15 August 2006 at 7:57 am #

    so sorry bout the little one ,…she sounds like a trooper

  14. avatar
    kindred spirit | 15 August 2006 at 7:59 am #

    WOW! I know that feeling of sadness when you cannot be there for the ones who matter most. To hear their pain down the line. The thought breaks my heart. I feel for you. I feel for Aurora.

    Her youth may make her stronger than you in this moment. Send her great love and fly on the wings of the dove. Be with her from afar -she will be all right. Send her more great love.


    PS: Aurora is a very beautfiul name…

  15. avatar
    verdelay | 15 August 2006 at 8:50 am #

    The nausea.

    Now I see how cruel ole Maya can be.

    Not just juicy jewels and buds and shiny trinkets.

    But love. And your own children.

    Cruel, cruel, cruel.

    How can you not take that seriously? How can you renounce and say: “This too shall pass”.

    Right. It will. But not without heartbreak and anguish and a child’s tears.

    And I believe her at last and all is lost.


  16. avatar
    Erosoplier | 15 August 2006 at 8:57 am #

    My beautiful, beautiful 2nd cousin copped a hockey ball it the teeth – a one-in-a-million direct hit while she was standing behind the barriers on the sidelines – snapped one of her adult front teeth off half-way down. I didn’t hear of this until years later. Next time I was in town I asked to see – I’d spent many an hour playing with her and never even noticed. I expected her to be precious about it once attention was drawn to it (not kidding around when I call her beautiful x 2), but no, she grinned madly and shoved her face in mine. What a sloppy glue job! They’re gonna fix it up when she’s fully grown.

    I’m sure it can do something to a person’s character these kinds of bizarre physical traumas – something not necessarily bad. Not something to go out looking for though, I don’t reckon.

    Here’s hoping the trauma is all done with for your girl and her tooth Steve!

  17. avatar
    veleska1970 | 15 August 2006 at 10:39 am #

    oh, steve, i am so sorry about your little girl. i hope that her tooth can be saved. it’s so hard being a parent, i think because of a lot of helplessness you experience at times. you only want the absolutely best and for nothing at all negative to happen to your children, but also knowing that’s an impossibility is heartbreaking. she’s in my prayers.

    i’m sorry you’re feeling so lonely at this time. and not being there for aurora has a lot to do with that right now. just keep plugging along, because you’ll be home soon.

    lotza love……

  18. avatar
    Volumes2002 | 15 August 2006 at 11:29 am #

    So much enjoyed reading your blogg for weeks. The uppers and the downers and the atmospherics inbetween. It all paints a great visual mind picture.
    Great you’re kickin’ass as you did in London (that place aint that bad is it?).
    The family thing, yeah understand well and feel for you man. You know it all works out ok in the end.


  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 12:02 pm #

    I’m sorry, too, to read of your daughter’s dental situation. I’m sure it will turn out alright. Positive thoughts…

    Greatly looking forward to the gig tonight. Your hotel and gig venue are located in the belly of suburban sprawl. As escape is perilous and arduous, I recommend taking in a movie at the adjoining “arts” movie theater or nearby megaplex. Might I suggest viewing the latest installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean? You said you loved the first, right?

    Wishing you and your daughter well,
    MCD, Official Buyer of Jager/Red Bulls for thirsty Kilbeys in Indy

  20. avatar
    fantasticandy | 15 August 2006 at 12:12 pm #

    such depth of feeling,you are so alive. best wishes to you and yours. home soon!

  21. avatar
    Brad | 15 August 2006 at 12:13 pm #

    That post was just shy of perfection…of course once we are at the doorstep of nirvana we no longer desire perfection…but we always desire our little ones’ safety–having two daughters myself

    Kids are resilient. My younger daughter fell rollerskating and broke her arm. She sucked it up and waited for us to pick her up from the rink without dropping a tear. The worst part for her was she couldn’t play her fife and flute or march with her corps….the older daughter is going to college in 2 days, who knows what kind of crap she’s going to get into (ok, we all do, let’s not be naive) I wish her well and hope I raised her right.

    Aurora will rise to the challenge no doubt…

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 12:36 pm #

    yeah gutters and strikes but thier never was a bowlling alley

  23. avatar
    lizardlizard81 | 15 August 2006 at 1:02 pm #

    Poor poor wee tot!! I echo everyone’s sentiments and hope she does ok. I don’t have any kids m’self, but I remember what it was like to be one not too long ago. It’s got to be so hard to seperated from your child when something bad happens… I can only imagine you would have jumped straight through the phone line at that second and popped out on the other side to be with her if you could.
    Hugs for everyone,

  24. avatar
    John Garratt | 15 August 2006 at 1:15 pm #

    One day, Aurora will be telling this story to her grandchildren while laughing. And yes Queen H., kids can heal themselves pretty well.


  25. avatar
    mattthew | 15 August 2006 at 1:22 pm #

    Oh, so sorry to hear about Aurora! again, father to father – commiserations and I hope it all gets sorted for her.

  26. avatar
    JJ | 15 August 2006 at 1:29 pm #

    SK –

    This blogge really connected, as I often feel disconnected during my frequent travels for my daily bread, and it does take bread to live life, pay the dentist, make our way, find some pleasure. I’m so sorry to hear of Aurora’s fall, it can be cosmetically repaired, rest assured. I have a son, we spoke briefly about children once in Memphis & NYC, I understand a father’s feelings. I don’t understand any of the rest of it – all the questions you raised about why and how and where. I was tripped once as a boy, with a croquet mallet no less, and chipped both front teeth, for which I felt self-conscious for quite some time, but it was soon repaired and all was well. Silly memory. Just commenting in some feeble attempt to connect, offer a word to you from the community. Safe travels –


  27. avatar
    Gareth,Notts | 15 August 2006 at 1:44 pm #

    Amazin’ blogge SK! All the best to Aurora,hope she’s better real soon. p.s. if my lady is reading this at work,again,the entering sharon comment was a joke/bit of fun, relax!oh,and she’s still worrying over your prediction SK! jazzy-reptile? seeing as london missed out on that gem how about that live dvd,clips from the 80’s to present day should suffice!cheers!

  28. avatar
    supper's ready | 15 August 2006 at 2:27 pm #

    hi steve,

    very sorry to hear this. luckily, today’s dentistry can fix pretty much anything.

    you opened my eyes to something. whenever you don’t want to be somewhere, you notice lots of details about that somewhere: the tiles on the ceiling of the hospital room, the cracks in the concrete of the road where your car stalled, your aunt’s hideous furniture. maybe that’s your brain’s way of dealing with the emotion. however, to be able to put it into words like you do, is something else.

    all the best to you and your daughter.


  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 2:34 pm #

    Sorry about Aurora, but she’ll be fine.
    My sister lost an adult tooth when she was about 8.
    Feel off a tractor… long story.

    They fixed her right up and it’s been fine ever since.
    You can hardly even tell.

    See you in Ohio.


  30. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 15 August 2006 at 2:45 pm #

    Classic Aurora response regarding her meds! I hope that everyone’s predictions regarding the miracles of modern dentistry come true for your little mermaid! She deserves a happy ending and so do you!

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 2:59 pm #

    I feel your pain. My daughter (5 yrs old) broke her arm on the playground. It was very painful for her and me, watching the nurses poking and prodding. She was fine in 24 hours, however it took 2 weeks for me to recover.

    You are almost done and you will be home with your sweeties! Thanks to The Church for givings us the chance to see and hear you live. It is something I will never forget. It will be with me always. Thanks to you for writing this blog that has me addicted like zanax! I have had fun reading you and everyone else even though I may have pissed you off once. Sorry…

    Best wishes to your family especially beautiful Auroa.

  32. avatar
    Renee | 15 August 2006 at 3:11 pm #

    Percy Bysshe Shelley – Lift Not The Painted Veil Which Those Who Live

    Lift not the painted veil which those who live call Life:
    though unreal shapes be pictured there,
    And it but mimic all we would believe
    With colours idly spread,–behind, lurk Fear and Hope,
    twin Destinies; who ever weave
    Their shadows, o’er the chasm, sightless and drear.
    I knew one who had lifted it–he sought,
    For his lost heart was tender, things to love, but found them not, alas!
    nor was there aught the world contains, the which he could approve.
    Through the unheeding many he did move,
    A splendour among shadows, a bright blot
    Upon this gloomy scene, a Spirit that strove
    For truth, and like the Preacher found it not.

    I understand your melancholia, I struggle with it myself frequently,
    it is forever a dark cloud that hangs over my head
    all my joy has an underlying sadness
    but I try to embrace it, it is at this time when I am usually most creative

    I’ve often had those very same thoughts about existence and life
    our time here on earth is so brief compared with the vast expanse of time, so what is the purpose?
    all those gazillion lives before ours, here for a moment, and then lost and forgotten, is that all it’s about?
    Oh, if your lucky you might be famous and be remembered, but otherwise…
    this flesh is preparing us for something, but what?

    I like to think of a butterfly:
    our flesh is like a cocoon, and inside our spirit and soul is going thru this transformation, and hopefully in the end, something beautiful will emerge

    your baby will be ok, modern dentistry can work miracles


  33. avatar
    baby | 15 August 2006 at 3:14 pm #

    i had a similiar experience with my Deirdre, although a baby tooth on the coffee table. The dentist had to strap her into a papoose-type board, complete with arm & leg restraints (waiting for the thunder & lightning, 1930’s type furniture & silver nitrate processing of the film)I comforted her while they capped the tooth. She was hysterical for 45 minutes, and I was shaking for days. However, her faux tooth is white and pretty, can’t even tell the difference, Deirdre doesn’t remember a thing as it happened before she was 2.

    snakes & ladders, yes indeed and be wary of those snake charmers.

    much muchness to you & yours

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 3:21 pm #


    Good blog,

    Hope A’s tooth works out well.

    Enjoy the rest of the U.S. tour.

    Florian Trout

    Oh by the way, even the Rolling Stones are doing a concert in Montana. They play in Missoula sometime in October……..

    It’s going to be in an outdoor stadium, that could be cold and even snowy by then

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 3:23 pm #


    Sorry for yelling out Columbus requests to an annoying degree last thursday. I was very happy the show.


  36. avatar
    Altres | 15 August 2006 at 3:40 pm #

    That is really horrible regarding Aurora’s tooth. I’m sorry to hear about such a thing. It would be while you are away too.

    Take care,


  37. avatar
    Noel Christian | 15 August 2006 at 3:46 pm #

    You have my sympathy, from one father to another.

    Do our chldren know how much we actually worry about them? Do they know that we would go bareknuckle against the devil himself for them? If they don’t, they will one day.

    I had an operation on my right leg when I was a young teen. The doctors feared it was pre-cancerous. This was during a phase in which I wasn’t very close with my father. When my mother told me that he had stayed up the entire night worrying about me, I began to understand…

    Still there are some things you cannot fully grasp until you have children of your own. And I would shoulder all of their hurt and sorrow if I could.

    Family, love, music, and friendship are light. That is how we find our way when face those lonely roads.

    See you tomorrow.


  38. avatar
    Noel Christian | 15 August 2006 at 4:16 pm #

    PS. I spent a small portion of my childhood in Indianapolis. There is a stunning Catholic church on the south side of town called The Sacred Heart.

    My mother says urban decay has crept right up to its doors, so don’t go there alone at night.

    But, few places I’ve been have filled me with such exultant joy and serenity at the same time.

    All the best…

  39. avatar
    eek | 15 August 2006 at 4:21 pm #

    Oh I’m so sorry about Aurora’s tooth. I hope everything works out well for her.

    Good to hear all the stories of people who have had similar incidents turn out well.

    All the best to you and your family Steve.

  40. avatar
    Melquiades | 15 August 2006 at 4:25 pm #

    So sorry to hear about Aurora. I know that must be rough not to be able to pick her up and tell her it’s alright. I remember one night on the After Everything Tour (03?)@ Ram’s Head in Annapolis, MD, one of your daughters was walking around backstage with marker all over her face (she looked pretty tribal n cute) and excaliming, she wanted some T.V.. she was very cute. You seem like a very good and caring father.

    I must admit after the last show in Sellersville, PA, I left there feeling inspired to get back out and start playing my music again. So thank you Steve. You truly are an inspiration to us all and I think a little rubbed that night. Thank you.

  41. avatar
    Melquiades | 15 August 2006 at 4:44 pm #

    If I get you correctly about the “illusion”, I like to call it the seams in the great show. If you are open to it you can see the messages, such as the writing on the wall. There’s an unwritten test of the universe that challenges us in the most sublime ways. I beleive in the laws of the universe and love the spirits that surround. I trust in them they will show me the way I need to go.

  42. avatar
    Melquiades | 15 August 2006 at 4:47 pm #

    without the rain we cannot appreciate the sunshine on our faces

  43. avatar
    pagey | 15 August 2006 at 5:23 pm #

    i lost my front tooth at 10 years old. My sister threw a basketball my way beside the fireplace outside the old house while saying “thinkfast” and I turned into the cement cinderblocks and knocked it out.

    in the empty place there I pay like $600 for crowns. i recently lost another of these crowns right after the warranty of 1 year had expired as the crown chipped and fell off its post. Yes it is a pain.

    i have been without a crown in that spot the front right tooth for 5 months now. I hate dentists. I hate the drill. I hate the fact that when I get the tooth crowned again I will always be worrying that it will bust off again 366 days after I got it in.

    thats life. thanks sis.

  44. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 15 August 2006 at 5:49 pm #

    instead of red bull and jager, try rockstar energy drink and jager, me call it the rockmeister, me like the taste better, one more week of tour, what then me esskay, what then???

  45. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 15 August 2006 at 5:54 pm #

    Bondeyes have arrived and are secure until the 20th.
    Marty is a man of action!

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 5:56 pm #

    Oh people, I could tell you dentist horror stories, but I won’t…I’m so with Pagey on this one!


  47. avatar
    toof troof on the hoof | 15 August 2006 at 6:09 pm #

    hi melancholy baby that’s right “ya never know what th’other guy is thinkin'” so never assume ya do, and he’s probably changed his mind in the interim anyway,
    so start each moment like a new dawn a new day a new sun a new face a new chance a pure chance

    aurora=toof trooper!

  48. avatar
    stealthblue | 15 August 2006 at 6:17 pm #

    Such inspiration…I hope to the Great Powers that be that I am as good a father when the time comes. Hope everything goes well with your baby’s dental issues. That just plain sucks. Luckily, she has a loving family to care for her, and believe me, that makes a huge difference in recovery. ( I work for a kids hospital, so I happen to see lots and lots) Wierd huh? Never thought in a million years that I would end up here, eeking by financially, but doing a really positive thing…but aching for something else. Still though, this leads to the other stuff you mentioned; you are not alone, SK…must be in the air again, I was feeling kinda “excluded” from the world and its illusion lately too. Is this it???is this my actual existence?? I’ll marry this angel and then what??? Will we be blessed with a couple of “sprouts”? Will I ever get my “little record that could” done and out there? Did I screw up my poor body for life with abuse and excessiveness? Will I ever, totally stop taking any kind of drugs, especially precriptions? Is it possible to go back in time? What is my role in this mess, this world, this chaos that surrounds us. I made a small child smile earlier today, is that it? Is our beautiful little home in Norwood Park gonna maintain its “value” so we can get the hell outta Chicago one day, back to the beach, back to the desert, back to my roots. Will I get chomped by a shark in the ocean when all I am trying to do is catch a beautiful wave?! Will I make any real money? Will I get to travel a lot one day? Am I really missing out even? OR, does any body really care? At what point would your true friends not be there for you? If I learn to just accept my surroundings, will I really be HAPPY? DO I just trick myself everyday? Do I simply need a new “Select Comfort” mattress to get a decent wink now and then? Is everything an illusion? How God appears to us…is THAT an illusion? Will my demons take over? I refuse to let them win. What’s REALLY going on? Why am I so attracted to certain things, people, music, film, art and others are on this totally different plane? Why do I care so deeply about others and some other just don’t give a fuck about ANYTHING except their new outfit. Why must I be a “hippie” in a “Straight” dominated world? OR is it really a Hippie world just waiting to be birthed again? Why the hell do I have to take off my damned shoes at the freaking airport? What happened to the friendly skies??? World War Three is happening…or is it? Tell me, Lord, tell me evertyhing is going to be alright Sometimes it is good to feel different or insignifigant, but others you just wanna fit in…be “normal”, have some real existence. Sometimes I wish I could really “get it” regarding all those stupid “reality” shows and such, but I don’t , I can’t, I will NOT cave. I have notebooks of music and words, and some are still locked up inside me, a bunch are on hissy 4_Tracks, some are on Pro Tools in our big , beautiful studio that I can’t even access because they are at Jasons big house 20 Miles away. We need “clearance” from his wife to get together for anything! (she’s sweet, the twins are really cute, but time is very scarce. We all have to WERK!! ARGHH!! Lately, we have to plan time off to just listen to tracks etc. I pray for a few extra bucks just to put together my own little studio, a real studio in my posession…I would be happy, happy, happy. WHEN will it burst? On the train, when I have no guitar? When I am at “werk” slaving, trying to clam down a pissed off mother because her kid is going to have a Tracheostomy for LIFE??? Wow! How does it all come to this? Do good deeds really pay off?? All I know is that time is flying. The good news is, despite all this nuttiness, I am gonna be blessed. In fact, I will be blessed again This Friday Night 8/18/06 at the Park West. I’m gonna see my favorite group of all time, a certain Aussie band that I’m real thankful to know and hold dear. That’s it…That’s LIFE…ups and downs…constantly, everywhere, for everyone. It is good to know that we all go through this..this questioning life, love and our existence. Thank you, once again, Steve, for sharing your deepest thoughts ,desires and insights. It’s good to know that the ones we look up to are indeed human, because some people need to get back and touch the ground once in a while. I think sometimes we look way to upward on people that are really just on this ride together. Sk, you’re amazing, very special…thank you for doing what you do. Stay safe, love ya lots…all the best to your family, the road family and especially the ones at home. Hasta…

  49. avatar
    Chump / USA | 15 August 2006 at 7:58 pm #

    Heres hoping the Rock Star Dental plan is a good one…


  50. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 8:34 pm #

    dear esque

    “i’d rather it was
    my fucking tooth
    that got knocked out”
    spoken like
    a true parent

    so universal
    the love
    we feel
    for our
    any language
    any country
    any planet
    im sure

    as for illusion
    makes me think
    of the jackson browne song
    the only child
    off of the
    pretender lp
    beautiful and
    written out of
    such sorrow

    “let the disappointments pass
    let the laughter fill your glass
    let your illusions last
    until they shatter …
    and when you’ve found
    another soul
    who sees into
    your own
    take good care
    of each other”

    much love

  51. avatar
    Krissythegroupie | 15 August 2006 at 8:38 pm #

    Aww..I hope the lil one gets better soon..reading yer blogs about yer children is always so sweet. The idea of children scare the crap out of me at this time, and knowing what I’ve done and how my parents worry about me and’s just nervewracking I imagine. Good luck to all..

    And that grafitti is just AMAZING, ha! So fucking true. And me here I usually just write, “Krissy wuz hurrr” like a dummy.

  52. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 8:39 pm #

    Sorry to hear the sad news about your daughter. We’ve had our share of accidents with our kids and actually lost a child, so I know what it’s like to grieve over a child when something happens to them. A month ago my brother passed away from pancreatic cancer, and I’m still dealing with his loss, so it’s been a sad year for me too. The concert in Detroit helped me forget about things for a few hours….thank you so much for that!

  53. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2006 at 10:51 pm #

    sounds like you need this tour to be OVER…..and get back to your reality, your routine, your family.

    that quote from the dressing room is classic. love it. so true i suppose. but you just never see this stuff when you’re besotted by someone….

    all the best for aurora….and you – hang in there.

  54. avatar
    robert madore | 15 August 2006 at 11:14 pm #

    Number 14 ONLY!

    I don’t want this to sound like some sort of fan-adulation-pseudo-praise but from the time I was introduced to your music/lyrics I felt like I had a brother in you SK. I think there are lot’s of us out there somewhere. Quiet. Unassuming. Understanding.
    Though the path is lonely…it’s all we’ve got right now…and we chose it.
    So when you’re watching corn fields and dust rolling behind distant tractors today just remember there are “others” out there, even in the U.S.A., who understand.

    To blog friends: Anyone heading to the San Fran show coming through southern Oregon. I’m halfway between Portland and SF. I’m in the country right off I5. Crash on the floor? Camp out in the yard? It’s cheap?? Ha. 541-665-0465

  55. avatar
    Guy E | 15 August 2006 at 11:14 pm #

    Sorry to hear about the dental woes… a bit of advice from someone who lost both front teeth in a bike accident at age 10.

    Don’t allow your dentist to sell you on a “bridge.” They grind the adjacent teeth down to little stubs to cap and “bridge” the gap. It really starts a domino effect of expensive dental problems through adult life.

    If she’s too young to get implants let her live for a few years with a ‘filler’ tooth in a plastic denture plate at the top of her mouth… she’ll get used to it. If they haven’t already put a “spacer” in between the teeth to hold them in place make sure they do; otherwise the rest of her teeth will shift around to fill the gap and she’ll need orthodontal work for sure.

    Dental work has improved a lot through the years, but a lot of dentists aren’t up on the techniques or try to sell you the most expensive approach. Be careful, get multiple opinions quickly so you don’t get hoodwinked. A few years from now implant technology will be that much more advanced and if you follow the right path the rest of her teeth will be just fine (unlike mine).

    Good luck.

  56. avatar
    fergal | 15 August 2006 at 11:44 pm #

    yes sk those desolate places are often the most interesting …

  57. avatar
    Centuryhouse | 16 August 2006 at 2:16 am #

    Steve, thanks for the look into your day.

    I’m sorry about your daughter’s tooth, I hope something works out soon for her.

    I love the desolate places too, very nice bit of writing. There is so much potential song / lyric material in this peice that you just wrote.

    May you have a peaceable and safe journey.


  58. avatar
    mattdavison | 16 August 2006 at 7:00 am #

    I am very sad to hear about yr baby… I am sure her tooth can be fixed and she will be fine, modern dentistry is very good.
    We love ya SK

  59. avatar
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