posted on November 26, 2010 at 8:43 am

yeah we were kinda good

yeah we played kinda well

sold out great audience n all that

but my head n guts are churning with a million other things

stupid things ive done n said

all my private life drama baby (leave me out!)

i stand on stage yeah i do my thing

but all my turmoil replaying in my head

look i dont know what i’m doing or where i’m going

i’m 56 but i got the brain of a 5 or 6 year old

none of you know the bullshit ive been thru for the last 6 months

yeah some of it was my own doing

a lot of it wasnt

is it your business?

i dunno i lost track of whats public n private

i got people writing to me here about nk this n nk that

but none of ya know really whats going on

you interpret my nebulous stuff i write here

nk n i hurt each other n we hurt each other bad

i did my thing she did her thing

now shes there where she wanted to be

she can cool her heels wherever the hell it is

i know i dont wanna fucking be there

my kids are in sweden jetlagged still n with the fucking flu

they are in the bosom of a lovely fambley there

and they deserve a bloody break

i love them more than everything else

and they will/ should be my main concern

when they come back in 2 months i will hopefully be rested

then we can start all over again

in the meantime i’m upsetting a load of other people too

all my relationships are fraught with argy bargy n malarkey

just so ya know im a judgemental hypocritical old bastard

n i fight n struggle with everything

i keep eavesdropping n then i dont like what i hear

i keep it all going n it then always turns around it bites my ass

as nk n many others tell me

i can write a song but in most other ways i fall short of the mark

i’m a one trick pony

ask me to be useful or patient or compassionate

n i cant seem to manage it

i am selfish n narcissistic i am cruel

and i embrace every double standard known to man

i demand everything

i give very little back

i hurt you but i dont like to be hurt myself

so great

the people on here who love me love my music

n i’m very appreciative of that

yeah i am australias best songwriter of my type

fuck i’m a second tier rock genius yet my lyrics are second to none

but can i be nice

can i be kind

can i even be reasonable for one minute

can i shut the fuck up n live n let live

no folks

your humble hero is a fucking ninny

and today i am in more useless states of regret n trying to dodge my bad karma

i stand outside myself n i am amused bemused confused

my deck chair Β on the titanic has been changed

but i still the ships going down

why should you care?

i dunno

ok

its 8 30 in the morning here in brissy

gonna get up do my yoga

n drive to the next place on the map

keep my head down if i can

but i dont like myself very much

and thats a sad way to be

maybe next time round i wont have to be such a nong

but i doubt it

losing streak

72 Responses to “judy wright centre and more or less”

  1. avatar
    davem | 26 November 2010 at 9:07 am #

    Ouch.
    Thinking of you.
    I know this might sound awful but I don’t try to second guess or concern myself with your private life. I have enough on my plate dealing with my own.
    I love your art, I love what you’ve given me over 28 years.
    I wish you happiness.
    xx

  2. avatar
    princey | 26 November 2010 at 9:41 am #

    Hi sk, I’m hoping you’re feeling a bit calmer by the time u read the comments, I’m not sure what to write without sounding like a drop-kick…..please don’t put yourself down so much sk, the people close to you know deep down you’re not a horrible, evil ninny, just someone that’s maybe made a few wrong choices, has a bit of a temper, is argumentative, strong willed etc, I don’t know, you’re only human. I guess we all hate something in ourselves (for example I hate the fact that I’m NOT argumentative, or a very confident person, a bit of a fence-sitter etc), but I can’t seem to change and if people don’t like me cos of that, f**k ’em!!!
    Anyway, I care about you sk (don’t know why, it just is!!!) and hope with all my heart that you find some peace and happiness within yourself. And I know you’re not in the mood for being idolised, but I really LOVE that photo of you in all your misery :)sorry
    Love from Amanda

  3. avatar
    Mick A | 26 November 2010 at 9:41 am #

    fantastic show last night at the JWC! Your jovial interludes obviously masks your inner feelings shared on the blog. Just be true to yourself and your great gifts that no doubt brings great enjoyment to your family and fans worldwide! As Winston Churchill quoted ‘try to please all the people all the time you are doomed to failure’ enjoy your day and I look forward to another great performance tomorrow at JWC, the music of the Church has provided me with an avenue to escape from life’s trials, tribulations and triumphs! Thanks and peace, Mick, Brisbane (fan since 1982)

  4. avatar
    andy | 26 November 2010 at 9:50 am #

    steve,
    i once sent you a ‘dudes’ song called ‘it ‘aint me’.
    you replied,
    ‘the only difference between you n the rolling stones is about 5 billion pounds’
    so how the fuck can i not love you?
    stop beating yourself up…..
    ‘coz your’e injuring me in the process too.
    yer a MAN f’christ’s sake…just a man, talented and clever way beyond the norm for sure, but human nonetheless.
    i see a man capable of great humility, honesty and compassion.
    c’mon….the greatest songwriter of our age makes a comment like the above
    to a complete non-entity like me?
    stop this right now!
    you fucked-up……just like everyone else.
    you can’t control EVERYTHING, you just can’t.
    good things are happening to ya kilbs…ride on the crest of that wave and other great things will happen too.
    it’s your time to shine now, those you love will be drawn like moths to your flame..they are far away now, but as your light grows stronger they WILL come.
    let it happen steve.

    oh…and don’t forget that bloody curry next time your’e here!

    • avatar
      Lyndall | 26 November 2010 at 2:02 pm #

      Well said… I really liked your comment … However, no-one that posts comments on “The Time Being” is a non-entity and that includes you. Have a good day L x

  5. avatar
    Pete | 26 November 2010 at 9:52 am #

    You’re still beautiful Steve, hang in there mate, Pete

  6. avatar
    JigSaw | 26 November 2010 at 9:56 am #

    ah dude, nothing to be said…but I feel your pain.

  7. avatar
    veleska1970 | 26 November 2010 at 10:04 am #

    andy and amanda said it well so i have nothing else to add but that we love you very much and only wish you joy and peace.

    lotza love…..

  8. avatar
    eekie | 26 November 2010 at 10:16 am #

    Do you remember me writing this to you a few months ago?:

    You’ve told me “I’m not as good as you think I am.” Yeah, ok. I’ll accept that. But I firmly believe you aren’t as bad as you think you are either. I see a beautiful person in you — flawed, yes — but beautiful, and very worthwhile. It’s incredibly painful to think you don’t believe that.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    It still applies. I so wish you could see and embrace that beautiful, worthwhile person. It’s good you see and understand your flaws, but I hope you can also come to believe — really believe — in the inherent goodness within you. It IS in there, of that I am sure.

    I believe in you. I care for you. And I always will.

    Love,

    eekie

    PS: and remember, I’m kiabgoa, and by definition I know it all, so believe what I say!

  9. avatar
    Starflower | 26 November 2010 at 10:29 am #

    I think it’s great that you can just put it all down there in words. Hell, we all love you. I can’t begin to imagine how much you are missing your beautiful girls and I can tell you that little girls (even big girls) love their Daddy know matter what. Nothing compares to that love! Keep writing, singing, and playing your music, it is therapeutic and the human spirit is nourished by a sense of connectedness. Good luck to you Steve in all that you do. Don’t let those demons get to you!

  10. avatar
    Avihay Robin | 26 November 2010 at 10:42 am #

    Steve..everybody’s got ups and downs,in a few days u’ll probabley feel better,it’s very brave of u to be open like that infront of everybody and strangers…a friendly hug from me πŸ™‚
    the real steve kilbey is the one that hidden and writes all those sensitive and beautiful lyrics and songs that makes all your fans so happy…

    cheer up mate u’ve got the love from all of us here πŸ™‚

  11. avatar
    Freddie | 26 November 2010 at 10:53 am #

    Forgiveness is the key, the real kind of forgiveness.
    Someone once said that forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.
    Might as well, huh? Since there’s not a blasted thing we can do about the past, except forgive and move on.
    Please forgive each other and start over.
    It’s very painful to see you hurting.

    And although you probably need more people writing to you like you need another hole in yer head,
    I’m going to send you something anyway.
    Hang in there.
    You’re one of the coolest people alive Mr. Kilbey.

  12. avatar
    Glamphist | 26 November 2010 at 10:54 am #

    Mr K, a one trick pony is one trick more than most. Don’t forget you’re human like the rest of us fuck ups. One foot constantly tripping over the other. You just gotta keep standing back up and howling at the world. Thinkin of ya.

  13. avatar
    . | 26 November 2010 at 11:31 am #

    i’ve been admiring your work for many decades now, more than a few
    i’ve introduced you to family and friends who dig your contribution, too
    don’t fret, being human is living with confidence, living without a clue
    as far as relationships are concerned, stay positive, enlarge your view
    husband and wife connect, but parenthood requires an entirely different glue
    selfishness is necessary, for without it you’d be just another “pop” goon
    compromise is noble, for it can bring the family together, them and you
    it’s an art forever learned, ugly, beautiful, let it reshape and renew
    there’s a reason you’re making waves, small and large, as you certainly do
    i can tell you love your girls, show it often, remind them of that truth
    that’s life mr. sinatra said, rise to your best self, be living proof…

  14. avatar
    rebecca | 26 November 2010 at 11:34 am #

    Steve, have never and would never judge you. None of us get it “right”! Most of us will always love you unconditionally…after all, thats what its all about??? Sending you peace and love Bec X

  15. avatar
    . | 26 November 2010 at 11:38 am #

    Here are some lyrics from another fan who appreciates your work more than you’ll ever know. It seems fitting for today’s blog content…

    follow your heart, disregard the pain
    it seems we’ve caused a landslide…
    for your fondness, I lose the day away
    but i’m lying here, and I see your face
    those perfect days that I embraced
    but i’m drowning here, for the dream I made
    for the moment…

  16. avatar
    Jamos | 26 November 2010 at 11:45 am #

    Love, Steve…

  17. avatar
    neptune | 26 November 2010 at 11:50 am #

    well, firstly – I hope your kiddos get to feeling better soon, but children are resilient, so I know they will heal up soon.

    Most of us do stupid things sometimes, and yes, then we must live with those effed up decisions we made. I know, I have made some very horrible ones in my life…. And would take most of them back if I could. But altho I ‘regret’ those mistakes, I can only, now, try to make things better with myself and God — and those that I hurt …. and I try, try, TRY to be a much better person each and every day.

    I pray and pray for God to guide every thing I say and do and think — because if I do it alone, then I eff up again. If it wasn’t for Him guiding me sometimes, I would just be the same ole me, that I don’t want to be anymore. I mean, I want to be myself, of course – but I want to be a better version of my past self.

    What I see, is a man who realizes he erred, and regrets it. That’s all you can do. You ask forgiveness, and then you must move on. There is no other option generally available. You hold your head high, you trudge along KNOWING that things WILL and always do get better …. with time. Yes, it takes time. Healing does not occur quickly, altho I know we all wish it could.

    After 1-1/2 yrs. I am still hoping my brother will forgive me for our argument … Even tho it was his fault *maybe that’s our problem/maybe we both feel like it’s the other’s fault) – dunno… I could have handled it/him differently. I have tried several times to make amends, and he still will not give me the time of day and it breaks my heart.

    Like my Daddy said, may he RIP — Just keep your nose clean and to the grindstone. Do your daily drudge and just keep on trying the best that you can. That is all that any of us can do. I know you will feel better once your kids feel better too. That always used to make me feel horrid.

    I pray that you don’t be too hard on yourself, and I’m sorry that you and NK are having pain caused to each other. Hopefully you can get that back. But it’s takes two to tango.

    I know you aren’t really asking, but the only advice that I can give you is: silence is golden — sometimes saying nothing is best …. but that is SO very hard for me, cuz I always feel that I can say something to make things better … but sometimes it just doesn’t work, evidently for me. So now I just don’t try anymore. If my brother wants me, he knows where to find me. I have invited him here for Christmas, but he won’t come. He won’t even call. I have to live with the fact that I may never see or talk to him again, and it hurts badly cuz I do love him.

    I even wrote a poem to my family and sent it to him … along with the rest of my family. It was the first thing I have written since I got writer’s block over 15 yrs. ago. He might not even open it. He will probably throw it in the trash without looking … BUT I KNOW I TRIED!

    – to a better day for you and all.

  18. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 26 November 2010 at 11:50 am #

    SK-

    Please read your blog again, again, and again. Because you are on the right track. You have acknowledged and defined everything. I know that I have “nk this and nk’d that” in my blog responses, because-yes your an artist, musician, Hall a Famer and all…but that really doesnt mean a damn thing in the true essence of our existence. You clearly know who you are. Which means YOU clearly know what to do and not do. Free will-free choice, we make ourselves. And i’m a betting man…so here it goes :

    Your angels will return…with more love for you and you will glow warm with the real definition of love you have for them, all of them.

    Your bride and your life have to much, for too long at stake and a comprimise will be mentally drafted and into each others arms you will find each other because 10 years+ is over 3650 days, 87600 hours+, 5256000 minutes+ and shit …thats a long friggin time. Back together-hell ya…no one bet against me because I have second sight-this is true.

    You can’t control EVERYTHING…yes I agree…but you can control what, when,where, and how you do anything. You just do it. It really is that friggin easy.

    I believe in you man… because I chose to.

    As Always,
    Darrin K.

  19. avatar
    TAZ | 26 November 2010 at 12:02 pm #

    I was trying to think of something clever to say, but I can’t. The transparency and honesty in your words left me thoughtless. I am not even sure why I am on this site. A long time listener of the Church and your work I guess. Who knows? Who cares? Regardless, I see many of those things in myself. Particularly the hypocritical, egocentric, nacissistic, selfifh, unthoughful, uncaring, unattentive, inaffectionate, shallow face that I see in the mirror. A bona fide jerk of a bastard I am, that is lucky to have a few friends that are smarter than me and can see past what I myself could not if the shoe were on the other foot. I seem to give to those I don’t know and not to those I do. I want to push people away, when I want them to be close. I keep thoughts close that need to go away. I am reminded of a time when I told some of these things to a classmate I used to pal around with, who replied: “so what are you going to do about it?” I just looked at him with a blank stare, thinking he was speaking some strange foreign language. I thought to myself, what an insensitive prick. But now that I think about it, he was as right as rain. I had wanted consolation, commiseration, reciprocity in his response. Why? Probably so I could criticize or judge him at some other point… shrugging off his own reflection of himself, consistent with my egocentric bastard status.

    Anyway, no words of advice here man. I havn’t gotten it all figured out and probably never will. Maybe I’ll try to do something differently tomorrow. Maybe I’ll do everything the same. Maybe just recognizing these things are as far as I am going to get in this lifetime. Maybe I can get some of it right in the next. All I know is the seed of change has been planted. Perhaps that is all I am afforded this time around. Will I tend to it? I guess only time will tell.

  20. avatar
    Cocoamo | 26 November 2010 at 12:06 pm #

    Just so we know, you’re a judgemental, hypocritical old bastard? You make me laugh so hard. Come on now, you really are not such a bad sort. Let me tell you a funny story about how I came to know the Church, and eventually to meet you briefly.

    I guess it was in the 90’s I heard my first Church song on a college radio station – Loveblind. I am not a person who normally gets hooked that easily, but had to rush out and buy the CD. At first I was disappointed, then after several listens, my brain neurons lined up arm and arm and started doing kicks like the Rockettes, you know? My mind began playing a continuous loop of Church music from my ever expanding collection. Now I was obsessed. Yes, your music spoiled me for everyone else – what can I say?

    So then I started to worry, especially since some of the music references out of body travel etc. and a couple of pieces sounded demonic to me (still do actually – like Chaos and Angelica – scary, scary, scary). Was my mortal soul (if I have one) possessed? So I started searching the Internet and found some of the fan sites and eventually contacted a fan by e-mail asking if anyone knew if there was a demonic component? The guy who answered me said the question had come up before (did you know that?), and, he said no there was not anything evil—in fact, the lead singer SK is really more like a Buddhist. Ok, so I gave myself permission to keep listening (whew!).

    I guess I should explain that I had taken lessons from a witch at one time, did the Rosicrucian thing for a while, and do not want to go down that road any more. I am now into sweetness and light, thank you very much.

    I did lots more research on you guys, and found nothing bad. When I found out you have been vegetarian for ethical reasons from an early age, I was completely sold. That to me tells me more about your character than anything. You have joined my list of heroes (Einstein, Barbara Woodhouse, Alois Podhojsky…)albeit humble.

    The two times I had the brief privilege of meeting you in Pittsburgh, it was very obvious to me that you exuded goodness, courage, exuberance, joy, and generousity. Since your music permanently resides in my head, this made me very, very, very happy. I think you are a pleasant, delightful person.

    I know – you’re not perfect (I think they hung the perfect guy on the cross 2010 years ago?). I suspect you have a long fuse, and when it finally does burn out there’s a good deal of fight, which may be warranted and actually necessary, but it’s never fun. But do believe this – you are fundamentally a GOOD man.

    Going through a split is Hell. Your priority of looking after your children is, in my opinion, spot on (after your health first please). I imagine you will have to muck about in that swamp in your head until everything plays itself out, and all you can do is wait it out until you can allow yourself to heal.

    If you want to get the negative loop to quit you could try EFT (emotional freedom technique) – tapping on the Acupuncture meridian points. The instructions are on emofree.com.

    I have such gratitude for what you have given me. I wish I could be of more help.

    Meanwhile, we are with you.

    Your friend in Pennsylvania
    (Now in Cocoa Beach)

  21. avatar
    steven koontz | 26 November 2010 at 12:09 pm #

    hang in there, SteveO !! you know you have tons of people who can and will support you…..be strong!!

  22. avatar
    Christine | 26 November 2010 at 12:29 pm #

    Steve…nobody knows what is really going on in one person’s life…I am sunny and happy and yet, nobody really knows, what lies beneath…nobody really wants to know…I just keep on keeping on, try and remain true to myself and make my own happiness…we are all ships in the night…life goes on…life speeds up…it can be hard to get a handle on just one day. It can be fraught with feeling nothing but overwhelmed. You can only do your best…and if things get f***ed up, just keep on truckin’! One day at a time…<3

  23. avatar
    lonesomepossum | 26 November 2010 at 12:31 pm #

    Ya know what, sk? We all feel like that. I mean for eff’s sake, I feel like that most of the time. ‘Cept the difference is not all of us can be the best freaking songwriters in Australia. Not all of us have a successful career in creativity in our wake.

    Wake up. Open your eye (the 3rd one).

    Today is thanksgiving day stateside, and I woke up grateful for you, for some reason. Haven’t listened to ya much in the last few years, haven’t seen ya since the Zephyr club in SLC in maybe ’00 or aught-one, but then there you were, in my dream last night, and you were old and cranky, and we were by a pool, and talked for hours. Who knows what it means. So I woke up and looked you up and feel compelled to speak out. Live now. See now. Speak now. Look ahead.

    “You cannot drive and stare rearview” -The Chills

  24. avatar
    Aperus | 26 November 2010 at 12:50 pm #

    If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s simply this – don’t waste time trying to push or burry the painful feelings. Be with them. Seeing yourself clearly is an opportunity and a gift. Be with what is.

    And this cliche may be appropriate – “this too shall pass”.

  25. avatar
    Cedgie | 26 November 2010 at 1:34 pm #

    the hotter the fire, the more pure the gold becomes.
    I never give advice on relationship problems because I dont have a certificate or personal success in that area. I cant help caring that you are so terribly anguished though. I’m a caring person & that is my vulnerability. I dont have magic powers, just kind thoughts & outstretch the compassionate hand of friendship to place over your weary brow.
    If only you knew how much I truly wished that you were 5 or 6 because I would invite you over to my house for a play & we could go climb the monsterous 100 year old mulberry tree & have a sweet juicy feed of vitamins then throw mulberries at each other, giggling our blessed little cotton socks off! Life aint a tree of mulberries though, is it??

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 November 2010 at 1:46 pm #

    Fight the good fight

  27. avatar
    Lyndall | 26 November 2010 at 1:56 pm #

    Sounds like you all need a “bloody break” All so very sad – the self-loathing, the regrets etc. – You’re right no-one really knows what goes on behind closed doors and that’s your business. Keep looking forward, on and up to getting those beautiful girls back – They are where your happiness lies… As for universal karma – you have given sooooooo much of yourself through your music and art to this world … We all make mistakes, we’re all human, and from time-to-time we need to re-align our priorities, step back and re-assess, that’s all… It is upsetting to hear that you are being cruel to yourself. It is all self-destructive, wasted energy – I have been to this place too – it sux!… Hope your girls are better soon. They love their Dad… you know that… Wish I could wrap you in pink cotton wool and make it all better for you – we can all say how much we love you and what your music/art has done for us – and we all often do… But, you need to love and accept you too – that’s within your power… Just hang in there and take good care of you… L x

  28. avatar
    Jason (jmb066) | 26 November 2010 at 2:24 pm #

    Steve,

    I think we all started here because of the music, but with this site you have allowed us to get to know you more than many artist would ever allow. Does this mean we fully understand you or your life? Not by a longshot, I personally come here looking for updates to the band or your solo work. Through time though and reading your post I have grown to love your words, worry about your concerns and enjoy seeing bits and pieces of your day to day life. In those snap shots I see a caring father, a sensitive human being, and someone I consider a worthy opinion on life itself. I dont consider many people worth listening to when it comes to life and how to live it, they are usually so full of themselves and following the flock to no end. I respect you greatly and hope your personal issues get sorted, in the meantime try to enjoy the tour and I hope your kids get over the flu quickly. None of us are in your shoes and your business is your own. We are here if you need us and will be here becuase of who you are and how you have touched my life. No explanations required, your true friends will be here for you always.

    Jason

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 26 November 2010 at 2:52 pm #

      thanks jason
      appreciate it

    • avatar
      Donna | 26 November 2010 at 4:11 pm #

      Nicely put – this is exactly how I feel. Steve, I just hope everything works out for the best for you and your family. I’m so sorry you are all going through this hard time. I can see how it is really wearing you out. I wish I knew what you need to hear to feel encouraged…know that we’re all here for you. Love, Donna

      p.s. – hope your girls are feeling better soon.

  29. avatar
    Jonny Hollywood | 26 November 2010 at 4:28 pm #

    all i can say esskay is, “she’ll come back for you tomorrow”, wish i could give you a hug and make it all better…

  30. avatar
    hellbound heart | 26 November 2010 at 4:33 pm #

    i’ve said it plenty of times, i never said that i was perfect, so why should i expect you to be? it’s impossible…..damn, we all fuck up badly from time to time and then regret at our leisure…what if? what if? i dunno, that kind of thinking doesn’t do a hell of a lot of good…..all i did was move on and try to learn from my mistakes, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t….you’re damn right i love you, mate, you’re like a diamond, yes there are flaws but my god, you shine with such a brilliance and beauty…..

    love always……from Rebecca

  31. avatar
    Shoffy | 26 November 2010 at 4:39 pm #

    Steve, I have been reading your blogs but have felt very uncomfortable in doing so, I feel like ive been prying into your life but i suppose thats what we are all doing and thats what we get from you. I will continue to read, hoping to get that one that makes us all happy including you. Im not judging as we have all done our fair share of bad shit. One day at a time is all you can move, hope things work out, whatever that means. Shoffy

  32. avatar
    Karen | 26 November 2010 at 5:02 pm #

    sigh…..
    all of the above ….no point me trying to add anything
    second guess? well missing yr kids is a no brainer your obviously a great dad a loving dad you and your wife? well thats no ones bees wax

    so I dont second guess Ive even said I have no idea on a recent post and no one does really

    but we all care in here as you can see
    and your a talented man no doubt about that

    take care keep swimming

    wish I was going to tilleys

  33. avatar
    ASSMIDGET | 26 November 2010 at 6:08 pm #

    Narcissistic? nah just opinionated, stubborn artfag. In a good way.
    Like Deter the host of Sprockets.

  34. avatar
    trifford | 26 November 2010 at 6:28 pm #

    Hi Steve
    I have been a fan of you and the Church since I was 15 (1980).
    Went to your concert last night and loved it and you were on fire!!

    I dont know you, but we are inherently all the same.
    I know how to heal the inside. Have hit rock bottom myself many years ago learnt how to realise negativity, and be free from suffering. It sounds like a wank I know but everyone who pushes down their suffering only suffers more!

    Although you may feel narcissistic etc.., in reality you give far more than you take. The energy you feed to the audiance is by far more than you could possible take from anyone. These thoughts and feelings come from deep within and may in fact come up when you give so much out during a concert. (this is a wonderful thing it gives you the opportunity to release it)

    Just observe these thoughts but dont react to them and they will dissapear over time. Its not easy but every time these negative thoughts arise, just watch them, let them come and they will fade.
    Dont try and run from them let them come and go

    Do this and you will be free from misery and pain!

    Anyway I hope the rest of your tour is as successful as last night
    (Was hoping to come and see you guys play again on saturday night but your sold out:( But fantastic for the Band)
    Thank you for the last 30years, looking forward to the next 30

    If you need anymore information on freeing yourself, drop me a line

    Cheers

    Frank

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 November 2010 at 8:00 pm #

    It’s good that you know this about yourself. I had a minor melt-down last week over something stupid and my partner just looked at me and asked “why can’t you support…?” Even then I had to leave the house for a long, stompy walk before I realized what a tremendous control freak I was being. Fortunately for him and myself, I’m not always such a jerk and I doubt that you are always as bad as you’ve made yourself out to be here.

    Reserve the artistic temperament for your art, love your family, fix what can be fixed and try to accept the rest.

  36. avatar
    Boy D | 26 November 2010 at 9:31 pm #

    Hey Stevo

    me n Trish lookin forward to seeing you in Sydney next week – it’s been too long.

    Take care

    Trev
    XX

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 November 2010 at 9:33 pm #

    I hear it’s not easy being genius but you’ve proven to be a tough nut..It will all work out like it always does.

  38. avatar
    gavgams | 26 November 2010 at 10:47 pm #

    Sorry to hear of your troubles, SK. But remember the positive energies and circumstances will come round again. Remember the bigger picture.

  39. avatar
    DavidP | 26 November 2010 at 10:55 pm #

    Steven Kilbey
    yes, you can be nice
    yes, you can be kind
    yes, you can be reasonable
    I have been the recipient of such from you
    I’m sure others have too
    especially your kids
    and oh boy can you be honest
    I have been floored before by your honesty
    and am floored again
    I can see how the same trait could be a double edged sword
    if it means being brutally honest about others too
    you are genuine at least, that counts for something
    I’m not here so much because of the music, poetry or art etc
    Its you as a person that keeps me reading and posting here
    You who was so friendly & nice to me when we first met up at the pool
    (and since then too!)
    you treated me like I was the rock star
    you are brotherly, somehow both an older and younger brother at the same time,
    and you are part father figure, a kindred spirit, a friend, a student and a teacher
    its a curious mix, interesting
    I don’t care about the rocknroll malarkey
    or some brilliant career with critical acclaim
    (I don’t suppose you do either)
    or being in exclusive company
    that’s not why I’m here
    its your humanity, with all your good and bad points
    self-change is possible
    it is not too late for you
    self-discovery is the first step and requires honesty
    there’s no doubt you are honest (if perhaps a little too harsh on yourself?)
    guilt is not the same as remorse though, guilt is no good
    remorse is blessed and a form of prayer
    I think many are not as honest about themselves privately
    let alone publicly as you are, nor exercise the self-observation required
    In a way this post of yours made me very happy
    not at all because I delight in others suffering, let alone yours
    but because of the promise of a very good awakening that it indicates
    it seems you have suffered enough to want to change it
    it seems you are ready to work on yourself
    I could write loads more about this but someone far better than me already has
    and you have those books
    I wish you peace
    The Peace of the Spirit Within

  40. avatar
    captain mission | 26 November 2010 at 11:11 pm #

    steve, you are far to hard on yourself man, start loving what we all love about you, your imperfections are human, and your art is divine. no one expects you to walk on water, every sage, every teacher, every wise man, every one is flawed in some way, some people just conceal it better than others. for what it’s worth i think you are a diamond geezer.

  41. avatar
    Dutchpierre | 26 November 2010 at 11:40 pm #

    I hope you can both let it go & find each others arms with your children around you & chill
    In the meantime its good to reflect especially if it improves on’es behaviour going forward.
    Enjoy the tour Steve & hope the kids get better soon

  42. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 27 November 2010 at 12:23 am #

    SK-
    As easy as it is to scan and read thru all these comments from these incredible people who appear to love you dearly. I will say this again, just in a different tone:

    Fix it yourself !!!!!

    There.- that was written very easily, bet ya it can be done that way too.

    AsAlways,
    Darrin K.

  43. avatar
    Tiny Tot | 27 November 2010 at 1:27 am #

    You have always been the best friend to me. Thinking of you. And yes, you are all the things you say you are.
    Love TT

  44. avatar
    Tanya | 27 November 2010 at 3:46 am #

    Your points are well taken. You’re just reminding us that your human and venting will help you. Your perspective is probably spot on as no one knows you better than your self. Regardless of your personal life, your professional artistic life is exceptional. Like you mentioned,we dont’ know what you’ve been through in the last 6 months & vice versa for us, your fans. Aren’t we all just reading your commentary to get away from our own “stuff?” We aren’t reading your blog to judge you on your capacity as a husband, father, friend. Just remember that you are in the valley portion of the ‘peaks and valleys’ of your life. Hang on for those peaks!

  45. avatar
    cazziem | 27 November 2010 at 3:54 am #

    We can all only be the people we are SK. Love, whether it is a parent/child, lover or friend then we need to love one another completely. In my book that means loving someone BECAUSE of their faults, not despite them!

    Sadly though, we are all guilty of not liking faults in others that we have ourselves. Maybe it’s because these are the things we hate about ourselves so much that we don’t want to experience them thrust upon us?? Just a theory!

    The truth is though that our lives seem to go round in circles; each episode whether a high or a low, being like a link in a chain and the bottom line is that only we ourselves can break the chain. Me, well I have to admit I tend to say that I can’t change the way I am now, but hell we all know that’s just an excuse! There is no such thing as can’t; only won’t.

    So I won’t wish you all the best, but I will say that life it what you make it SK!!! xxx

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 27 November 2010 at 4:16 am #

    There is no owner’s manual to life

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 27 November 2010 at 9:22 am #

      there should be

      • avatar
        Shoffy | 27 November 2010 at 10:48 am #

        Then we would all be the same. Unique, creative, entertaining people like yourself Steve wouldnt exist.

      • avatar
        Narelle | 27 November 2010 at 11:10 am #

        Hello SK and others,……… a precious ‘manual to life’, and I have no doubt at all there are others, is called the I Ching, the Richard Wilhelm translation with a foreward by C Jung. There was a recent mention of a computer version but that is way beyond my mentality, and won’t even bother going there. Take care.

  47. avatar
    JW | 27 November 2010 at 4:24 am #

    Brother Steven,
    At least you’re honest with yourself; that’s a good starting point.
    That’s why it’s called the Great Work not the ‘play’.
    Here’s a Rumi bit that may assist your Being:

    “Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.
    It doesn’t matter.
    Ours is not a caravan of despair.
    Come, even if you have broken your vow
    a thousand times
    Come, come again.

  48. avatar
    nickfiction | 27 November 2010 at 5:06 am #

    jeez sk , i havent been watching the blog but i am sorry to hear about what is going on. It seems like you’re finally on top of the world again , but inside youre plunging, all my love and respect Nick

  49. avatar
    dwellingwell | 27 November 2010 at 5:08 am #

    I like this last post. No reason to always have Poetry. The direct post is sometimes the best thing. I was thinking some of those posts on “N.K” Could have been presumptuous . TAZ had a good post. Being a “Bastard” is a tough road. If you have a strong personality that usually over- powers others around you ( because you were born with more mental force), you will run into trouble and eventually be toe tagged as a Bastard. If it were not for the I-Ching, lol. Jeeze. I would have to live in a cave somewhere. Becoming “Blameless” is the goal. I’m not there yet. I think the kind of people around you is crucial. . If you are a Gulliver, the liliputians will try to tie you down. This is natural law.The other Taz post about the fish creatures on the near shore in the hot sun turning the questors away from entry to the far shore.. that was good.Those gargoyles are part of the terrain of the human psychic jungle. That shit is real. Key is to identify and clear the Liliputions so you can stand up and ground into your natural life and destiny. The Clearing comes before the field is seeded for future harvests.. Did Chancey Gardener say that ???

  50. avatar
    bionicanna | 27 November 2010 at 6:21 am #

    sometimes i hate myself for the same reasons. that old animal side fights for survival at any cost, but i believe you have the power to tame it. and i’ll be watching how you do it because i have much to learn.

    healing vibes for you and yours ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  51. avatar
    onticsofton | 27 November 2010 at 6:23 am #

    That was a Pretenders line. all my private life drama baby (leave me out!) Man. James Honeymoon Scott was a great guitar player. Perfectly crisp in the pocket playing. great tasteful creative lines. Under stated and tasteful rhythm guitar.One of the best Guitar players from that time. Johnny Marr used to play the Solo for “Kid” as he warmed up for the Smith’s gigs. Later he played with a re-formed Pretenders and was very happy to play that solo . That first Pretenders record is very nice.Chrissie Hynde was/is great.

  52. avatar
    Linjo | 27 November 2010 at 7:23 am #

    Most crazy people think it’s everyone elses fault so at least you know you’re sane! Not bad just different. Poor Steve I know what a shitty time a marriage split is. I will be thinking of you. x Linda

  53. avatar
    verdelay | 27 November 2010 at 7:56 am #

    Take care of yourself Mr. K.

    “And this too shall pass away”.

    x
    v

  54. avatar
    Trevski | 27 November 2010 at 8:49 am #

    Steve,

    take care of yourself. it is not an easy road to travel this life at the best of times, nobody has a map but we all seek that perfect route, really life is a tumblefold journey, you gotta enjoy the good times, and be strong when the night starts growling back at you but know that you are resilient, with a capacity to love and care and get over what is in your way at this time.

    Just this… its not easy to be away from your kids… i know how hard that is…

    Take care

    Trev

  55. avatar
    trifford | 27 November 2010 at 9:30 am #

    In the end its all about attachment, which leads to suffering! Drop the attachment and you stop suffering!

  56. avatar
    Starflower | 27 November 2010 at 11:53 am #

    The spirit of Judith Wright is here in this poem.

    “Eve to her Daughters” by Judith Wright

    “It was not I who began it.
    Turned out into draughty caves,
    hungry so often, having to work for our bread,
    hearing the children whining,
    I was nevertheless not unhappy.
    Where Adam went I was fairly contented to go.
    I adapted myself to the punishment: it was my life.

    But Adam, you know…!
    He kept on brooding over the insults,
    over the trick They had played on us, over the scolding.
    He had discovered a flaw in himself
    and he had to make up for it.
    Outside Eden the earth was imperfect,
    the seasons changed, the game was fleet-footed,
    he had to work for our living, and he didn’t like it.
    He even complained of my cooking
    (it was hard to compete with Heaven).

    So he set to work.
    The earth must be made a new Eden
    with central heating, domesticated animals,
    mechanical harvesters, combustion engines,
    escalators, refrigerators,
    and modern means of communication
    and multiplied opportunities for safe investment
    and higher education for Abel and Cain
    and the rest of the fambley
    You can see how pride had been hurt.

    In the process he had to unravel everything,
    because he believed that mechanism
    was the whole secret – he was always mechanical-minded.
    He got to the very inside of the whole machine
    exclaiming as he went ‘So this is how it works’!
    And now that I know how it works, ‘why, I must have invented it’.
    As for God and the Other, they cannot be demonstrated,
    and what cannot be demonstrated
    doesn’t exist.

  57. avatar
    Amanda | 27 November 2010 at 2:11 pm #

    Isn’t it funny that, as we get older, we inevitably grow both more in tune with ourselves and, simultaneously, more in tune with our bad traits.

    If you feel inadequate emotionally, then that’s something you can work on yourself. You know what personal traits you embody that are negative; you are the only one who can change that.

    Insofar as the selfishness and cruelty, this is often a trait in people who are involved in the music industry, or who are indulged for being clever, brilliant, talented. It’s sad that the two – creativity and kindness – rarely go hand in hand.

    On to other things…I really enjoyed your gig at The Judy on Thursday night. I am 41 and I have loved your music – off and on, I must admit πŸ™‚ – since your first album. I saw you many times throughout the ’80s and early ’90s, not so much until a few years ago, now twice in four years. Your stage banter always bemuses me because I got tired of hearing ‘Under the Milky Way’ also and I don’t even have to perform it. It was one of those songs that suffered from too much airplay, if that can ever be considered a bad thing! However, I must always disagree with you when you say you don’t like ‘Unguarded Moment’ – that song is brilliant and beautiful.

    I rather enjoyed your stylistic mashing up of songs with jazz here and flamenco there. When I tried to describe the gig to people the next day, I found it difficult. And that’s a good thing. I took my 29 year old boyfriend to the gig – someone who doesn’t know much of your music and has never seen you perform – and he was blown away. As a bass player, he deeply appreciated not only your bass playing style, but that you can also sing so well while you play. So there were at least two people in the audience who didn’t consider Marty overshadowed you πŸ˜‰

    I think it’s great that, through your blog, you are so open. I think you will find that many of your fans either relate intensely to what you’re saying or can offer words of support if you need them. Either way, it’s all about connections. You connect with us through your music and words, hopefully we can connect on some other level from your perspective that you find heartwarming or at least heartening.

    Have loved you for years – as a young man and more mature one πŸ˜‰ – as your music has participated in the soundtrack to my existence. I always look forward to your new music, and to hearing about your life – good or bad. Thanks for always being an interesting and open person.

    Warmest regards
    Amanda

  58. avatar
    Daniel Watkins | 27 November 2010 at 3:35 pm #

    Steve, hang in there. Many of us go through periods of coming face to face with our faults, and not liking what we see. If you’re in the trough of the wave just remember another crest is coming, and you’ll come face to face again with the things that are worth liking.

  59. avatar
    onticsofton | 27 November 2010 at 5:58 pm #

    It’s good to own up to how your own mind can fuck things up. People who are so proud and rigid who can not see their part in things, people who are never wrong, they are stuck in what the Zen monks call “The Unawakened mind”.Seeing your faults is an increase in self awareness and the way to ridding yourself of them. No use in letting the awareness of faults engage the self hate button. Love yourself and be kind to others. . That is the greatest act of Anarchy there is.Being kind and Loving is the true Spirit of Rock’n Roll

  60. avatar
    redgrevillea | 27 November 2010 at 7:22 pm #

    I think many of us can relate to feeling different things. I’m part 40-year old upright, genteel Italian gentleman, and part comatose 5 year old. That’s why I haven’t been logging on recently, because I’ve been 5 and comatose.

    I wish you very well – you are a special man, you just are, and you deserve good.
    much kinds, the 40y r

  61. avatar
    plumlady | 29 November 2010 at 7:52 am #

    A judgemental hypocritical old bastard heh…..well that’s probably where a lot of your creativity comes from. And those “qualities” seem to blossom in all of us over 50. Many of us who read religiously are your cheerleaders in your career and online support system of sorts for your personal life. At least now you’re older and somewhat wiser having been through some of these family nasties that reoccur in all our lifetimes in one way or another. It’s just so damn hard when you have little ones; but you’re priorities have obviously always been in such the right place and that’s with those darling girls. So take your “rest”, and have fun playing and don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re one of the greatest musicians and writers EVER ANYWHERE; and the best dad that comes to mind that I’ve seen in a while. Hang in there!

  62. avatar
    sarah | 1 December 2010 at 8:34 am #

    this fucking rocks. that you can self reflect and name it shows how sane you truly are. welcome to the human race, folks!


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