posted on March 29, 2007 at 8:49 pm

scarlet kilbey walks into a bar
gimme a shotta milk n make it snappy she says
no that isnt right
the doodles walk into a bar
give us 2 shots of milk they say
wait a minute that isnt right
elli n minna walk into a bar
give us 2 identical shots of……
now what would they order…?
while im waiting to figure this out
tim wolpes walks into a bar
2 other guys waiting for him
one extremely tall
the other has long dark hair tangled in grey
wolpes chatters excitedly
as a unicum slides down the long bar
well the killers finally lost it…ha ha!
the long haired guy says what now lads,eh?
wolpes sinks his unicum
and signals for another
the 3 men stare morosely at the carpet
all around people are playing the poker machines
chatting afterwork
hes stark raving over the cuckoos nest boys im telling you
just when we had that tour of the baltic states lined up
fuck it! theres some good record shops in riga…
yeah i hear ho-day is selling real well in latvia….
uh huh we probably gotta buncha a fanss there
but i mean…couldnt we just get a bass player in….?
not like its that hard to play a bloody bass….or what?
sound of laughter
and we’ll just sing em ourselves,eh?
who knows the words to “bubble and squeak?”
duh, ya can gettem off the internet
oh yeah anyway….im jus gonna make em up
yeah the “kids” in latvia wont know the difference will they?
nah, and we can send killer some money…yeah?
the sound of the poker machines and the bars chit chat
outside its raining
a dark cold afternoon
in the parking lot
a long dark shape pulls up
inside sits a dishevelled figure clutching the wheel
he stares at himself in the mirror
i am the killer he says to himself as a mantra
i am the killer as he slams shut the door
and strides to the entrance
bada bing says the sign
no that cant be right
he stumbles into the bar
as hes standing there
tony soprano takes him by the sleeve and pulls him
down a corridor
into a black office
soprano puts his face close to the killers
i thought i fuckin’ told you to lay low the crime boss barks
killer says but but but
didja take care of that little matter for me like i asked ya?
killer shakes himself loose
wait a minute…i thought you were managin’ me?
yesh i am says soprano …after you do that little job…
then youll get me outta my music sales contract
asked the killer, his face brightening
no problem winked soprano
suddenly nate from six feet under burst in
hey it isnt fair that youre the only hbo tv show
mentioned on killers blog…
hey nate aint you fuckin…you know…uh dead asked soprano
nah it was justa dream you know before the next season..
at least in my show they stay dead said soprano
..except for adriana n steve buscemi says the killer
will ya listen to this guy breaking balls said soprano
glaring at the killer
nate laughed… we reap what we sow, tony
aw shuttup nate…i saw ya in that silly wife swapping movie
said the killer under his breath
suddenly sir denniss hogforth-boare
the head of amalgamated records burst in
howdja like to all sing unguarded moment at
the commonwealth games…the olde version…!?
with the riffs an’ everything…? yeah count me in! said soprano
killer began ..cant we do the..
but a single frown from the mafia chief made him button his lip
yeah ok that sounds uh great he stammered
hey said tony
can we change that line to horses heads in beds?
the killer nodded
why not he smirked

47 Responses to “jumble sale”

  1. avatar
    Samosanx | 29 March 2007 at 9:52 pm #

    There’s a play/multimedia extravaganza in all of this…
    where’s that guy from the festival?

    memory, time, layers of moments – the time being’s time machine

    great stuff

    (I’m moving house and am looking forward to coming back to all of these posts)


  2. avatar
    the dean | 29 March 2007 at 10:03 pm #

    you’ll get square eyes staring at that box

  3. avatar
    Fandorinus vulgaris Linn. | 29 March 2007 at 10:06 pm #

    Don’t misunderestimayte the Baltic states, ok?

    Ok, they’re small and stuff
    and most people there speak in tongues you’d better not have to learn in prep school
    kinda ancient uralic mix with beautiful latin, slavonic and tunguska elements
    a hint of the smell of yak milk in the words…

    but Mr. Kilbey, there’s a lot of fine people, and mostly they’d just stare at you, not talking to you, because if they won’t like you, they won’t even look at you.

    (in broken russian):hello, we’re backpacker trash from germany and czechia. can you tell us where to stay?
    tall baltic man (just glaring…am i a cinema or what)(throws us the keys to his fecking house and walks away): I’ll bring some wood, you’d want to make a fire, yes?

    estonia – not just a country, not just a sunken ferry. a whole nation of singers., and each year, they’re gathering in millions…no there isnt even a million, to sing their space stuff in Tallinn all at once. I bet some seismographologicologist is able to measure it. And there’s Vana Tallinn…which is cold liquid alcoholic gold, and it must contain all the colours in your common oriental sunrise, just that you can drink it (=advantage).

    latvia – latvian is the tyrannosaurus rex of european languages, but the aboriginals are tame and friendly and they don’t have anything pierced and filled, but you can just float along on some of their rivers in the nutshell you brought.

    Future Baltic Church fans waiting for you

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 March 2007 at 10:07 pm #

    happy birthday to me.My beatiful little daughter is 2 years today.
    And a nice day to Steve.Take it easy.


  5. avatar
    verdelay | 29 March 2007 at 10:30 pm #

    You are a strange man, Mr. Kilbey

    I have a balloon in my mind
    and inside it is a newborn giraffe
    With your face

  6. avatar
    fantasticandy | 29 March 2007 at 10:34 pm #

    yank tv is the scurge of the earth!

    loadz ‘n’ loadza new songs:

    thank you for your indulgence.

    oh,steve, i thought the latvian thing yesterday was funny too!
    have fun.
    andy L.

  7. avatar
    Cee | 29 March 2007 at 10:59 pm #

    I must be spending too much time away from the teevee!

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 March 2007 at 11:12 pm #

    How about you sing unguarded moment at the Latvian folk song festival, they’r mad for their folk songs over there.
    Its like competitive sport to them.
    Same as the Balinese at the yearly ‘Arts festival’ full on competitive gamelan competitions in a stadium, (and not a single pissed chant)
    Of course SK you know
    the “kid” in Latvia
    is actually a middle aged man in Sydney, you never can tell…

    really it was just a pathetic attempt to get the heyday story,,, but the other thing is ..
    I don’t really care about the heyday story..just beating it up, making something of not much at all…
    ..darn, this internet blooge thing is fun!

  9. avatar
    MATTDAVISON | 29 March 2007 at 11:12 pm #

    Let’s talk seriously about writing a film script Killer!

    You got it man…

    Hey is that you doing the crazy dialogue on “CA redemption value’?

    People’Karmic Hit -Isidore purchase
    N O W

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 March 2007 at 11:13 pm #

    You watch more Tv than I woulda thought….a lot for a mangy panther, anyway.


  11. avatar
    Music | 29 March 2007 at 11:15 pm #

    Music is the cup which holds the wine of silence.
    Sound is that cup, but empty.
    Noise is that cup, but broken.

  12. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 29 March 2007 at 11:24 pm #

    Hey Killer, me want to be Sir Killer Junior…

  13. avatar
    sue cee | 29 March 2007 at 11:39 pm #

    Ahh Steve, sopranos and six feet under. Great taste :)Tried to email you from the Cosmo keyboard in Melb but the damn thing was ‘out of order’. I was bubbling with excitement about this… “mr fussy bastard” was absolutely dead-on the money – your cover of Kev Carmody’s of Images of London IS one of THE MOST AMAZING songs I’ve heard in a long time. Ive yet to write about the amazing Mimesis yet, wow hey scarlet. Mr FB was wrong about WOR but man Images of London is just gorgeous.

    Seek it out folks, even just for this one song, there’s some great covers but steve’s is def the best and you’ll get the original versions Kev did … he’s a man with a lotta soul and stories. Kev, Kelly and Kilbey, australia’s finest treasures. The album’s called Cannot Buy My Soul. Steve produced the KC album Images & Illusions in his studio years ago and this is one of the tracks. SK’s, I must say is a truly exciting, version. Damn shame about Missy tho, what would she know about droving? 🙂 She and some others are on the album for the publicity but ol’ sk and Kelly etc are on the album because Kev respects and loves you.
    Cannot Buy My Soul


    Mark M – best with the album launch at Spectrum. Give Campeau a hey from Nymagee!

    love Sue Cee
    (the sign-in thingy tested my patience this morning)

  14. avatar
    veleska1970 | 30 March 2007 at 12:22 am #

    ok~~now how about a “sex and the city” episode? if it’s good enough i’m sure your ratings will surpass the spanked-bottom girl’s.

  15. avatar
    rickymaymi | 30 March 2007 at 12:22 am #

    So, you ARE going on tour, aren’t you….???? xx

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 12:41 am #

    fandorin! lovely images of estonia.

    sue cee

  17. avatar
    nickfiction | 30 March 2007 at 12:52 am #

    adrianna will be back…….

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 2:22 am #

    Interesting…the opening to Sopranos Season 6 contains a three-episode dream sequence, a parallel Tony life…now Tony appears in a Kilbey parallel life dream sequence…phew, is getting all too complicated…thank god for the weekend…

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 2:27 am #

    Oh wow [as baby would say]
    we’re gonna be on the road again sooon !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 2:36 am #
    had a listen to the whole newie on their myspace site…
    widescreen and may be suprised

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 2:43 am #

    can tony do 5ths and 3rds or 7ths,in upgraded momento ?……dreaming that you are the one with the final say?thats spectacularlt symbolic yeah!take care …..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxgenx

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 2:58 am #

    And there I was thinking Music Sales was something you’d been astute enough to set up yourself.
    We dont reallly know much about you at all see.

    Dutch Pierre

  23. avatar
    jeanz | 30 March 2007 at 3:51 am #

    Ah! nice one , Sopranos and Six Feet Under for the most part made brilliant television (for a change).


  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 4:02 am #

    me want Heyday story
    SK no tell story
    him badde

    Joe Pesci singing “Yute Worshipper”

    I imagine the new TV add for the Olive Garden restaurant chain featuring their new theme song “An Olive Garden Moment”

  25. avatar
    Leelinau | 30 March 2007 at 4:07 am #


  26. avatar
    Celticat | 30 March 2007 at 4:08 am #

    Good one Steve


  27. avatar
    captainmission | 30 March 2007 at 5:48 am #

    ha that was a fantastic read, loved the soprano guest appearence, it was unexpected but so well constructed, and a great ending to. i don’t watch much tv but i quite like the sopranos, boston legal and that show on tv last night about octopi.
    sue – i loved that images and illusions, its fantastic and steve’s images of london, is definatly the stand out track on the ‘cannot buy my soul’ cd.’

  28. avatar
    ~ | 30 March 2007 at 5:54 am #

    S: Hey I know this bar we can check out, it’s a bit “pc” though
    The music sucks…
    J: a tall guy has stuff in the juke box too fella so before you go
    S: hey where did ya get that chainsaw?
    J: tall guy gave it to me; he said it was easier to take down a picket fence with
    a saw instead of one nail at a time
    S: so what are we drinking tonight? Wanna screwdriver?
    J: cheeky…wanna spankin? Your shenanigans, Teddy, arouse the Irish ire
    Your tempest tantrums!
    Do ya gotta know everything?
    S: I did ask you…
    J: I did answer you…
    S: no you didn’t
    J: yes I did
    S: nuh uh
    J: yuh ha
    S: well what are you drinking tonight?
    J: Was thinking sex on the beach, or maybe shot or three of whiskey
    burn baby burn! warm all the way down
    S: so what’s the point?
    J: happily in flux and going with the flow
    rings n things circular
    Lost the script!
    Found the character!
    road trip planned with June friend in May, she takes care of Shasta
    And me at times
    That girl has pulled her boot from me bum
    more often than I’ve put my foot in my mouth
    we go to Yosemite, maybe Santa Cruz
    Leaving everything but my cameras
    and favorite books
    Gonna dust off the old 4X5 view
    Polaroid emulsion transfers
    Do it zone style


  29. avatar
    ~ | 30 March 2007 at 7:44 am #

    exact location
    to be determined


  30. avatar
    Daberhasher | 30 March 2007 at 11:30 am #

    so Tony Soprano as manager for the mangy panther.. perfecto, bada bing!
    great nickname potential as well…
    Prano, Deliverer of Death Energy…
    Gandolf, Wizard of Joizee…

    thanks for the peek inside the cogs of los chchru… a little tour anxiety, nothing to worry about, we’ve seen this condition before…
    have your unicum(it’s herbal, no worries) and let europa wash over you… after customs that is…

    no guns or knives in ye bass case sir…
    “nope, just knaves and suicide kings…”
    what do have to declare?
    “the honey bees are leaving, not dying, just… leaving… they KNOW, the end is near…”

    that’ll probably getcha some special one on one time with a git not of your choosing….

    ya know, i can totally see Bordello being used in the Sopranos during an excessively violent scene, a slo-mo skull crushing territorial retribution montage of sorts… who out there can make this happen for our killer…


  31. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 March 2007 at 12:04 pm #

    Capo Kilbey!

  32. avatar
    Symon | 30 March 2007 at 12:33 pm #

    al pacino and robert de niro ain’t got nothin compared to you mr kilbey

  33. avatar
    restaurant mark | 30 March 2007 at 1:15 pm #

    wow…i just got my tv viewing in for the whole week. man, that must be some good pot! brilliant!
    yeah, so i’m with ricki…are you touring…over here i mean?

    hello sue cee…how are you? haven’t seen you in a while…well actually i’ve never SEEN you, but you know what i mean.

    take care everyone

  34. avatar
    drzej | 30 March 2007 at 3:20 pm #

    An amateur band rehearses in a nearby yard…

    Watching the telly and thinking ’bout your holidays.

    Stay lovely.


  35. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 30 March 2007 at 3:33 pm #

    it’s Carmella’s way

  36. avatar
    malcolm arkey | 30 March 2007 at 4:03 pm #

    Mad as a March Hair (sic)
    So, Steve finally goes “Sid Barrett” huh ?

    I’ve been wondering when that would happen.

    Never mind…
    Madness is a great relief (it works for me).
    In general, people leave you in peace and you can simply spend long lazy afternoons at home making gloriously crazed paintings (with the help of E & A).
    Madness will also greatly add to and further enhance your cult status. Indeed for a man of your calibre I should think it almost a pre-requisite.

    I wonder who the band will try to replace you with ?
    …I’m thinking the boys are going to go for an INXS-style reality TV show/ talent comp. Then we can watch Australia’s best airbrushed voice-coached boy idols with fake States’ accents fight it out on Channel 10 prime-time with their choreographed routines set to a remixes of “Invisible” or such-like…

    “Sittin’ in a karij”
    (doof doof doof)
    “Bein’ jostled bah the mo-shun”
    (doof doof doof)
    “Ova-hearin’ conva-sa-shun”
    (doof ditty doofda)
    “The grahndin’ of tha steel”
    (doof etc etc doof)

  37. avatar
    Gareth,Notts | 30 March 2007 at 5:17 pm #

    ahhh,Estonia,what a fantastic place and absolutely magical in the snow,will be there next weekend!!!you should play in tallinn Steve!

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 7:45 pm #

    wow, not !

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 8:50 pm #

    I fucking hate the Sopranos and all that garbage…fuck violence as entertainment…its pathetic…D in Tx ~*~

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 8:54 pm #

    actually im really disgusted you guys like that crap…what gives…nevermind. D in Tx~*~

  41. avatar
    eek | 30 March 2007 at 9:07 pm #

    That was a fun read! Ah, the things the music biz will drive a guy to do….

  42. avatar
    Sunshine | 30 March 2007 at 9:30 pm #

    SK, I don’t believe for a second that you’d let ol’ Tony Paysano push you around.

    Mimesis serenaded me on the way to work today. I nearly missed my exit on the highway, as my mind wandered in serene ecstasy. The sound of your voice backed with JLK’s over ambient type music is such lovely stuff.

    Perhaps someday you’ll read us the unabridged version of “Alice In Wonderland?”


  43. avatar
    kat | 30 March 2007 at 10:00 pm #

    ? mafia killa’

    ;]=~~~ killa

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 10:14 pm #

    I don’t know if it was a bad dream, but I remember back in 1999, I saw the Church play in New York WITHOUT the one and only sk to be seen or heard, a rodie playing your bass ahhhh!, Marty struggling to sing your lyrics, it was f…ing horrible! The Church need The Killer, end of story!

  45. avatar
    knot rumplestiltskin | 30 March 2007 at 10:15 pm #

    look at all the things you can find on the internet

    Her mouth it makes me wonder
    Inside I felt like thunder
    I’d guess her name or at least though I would try

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2007 at 10:54 pm #

    Sydney ppl….tonight it’s Earth Hour….don’t forget to switch off1


  47. avatar
    william | 4 April 2007 at 1:56 am #

    That was good. Very very good. I definitely wanna see that episode.

    veleska1970 said…

    ok~~now how about a “sex and the city” episode? if it’s good enough i’m sure your ratings will surpass the spanked-bottom girl’s.

    This is so crazty it might work. Just sayin.

    blog like the wind,

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