posted on December 9, 2008 at 7:38 pm

(in a bit of a bind
no one understands me
so why am i telling you….?)

is it wednesday already….wow
is it december already….wow
is it hot enough for ya?
gee its been a great year here at ttb
bill higgins won employee of the month
and mrs newton in accounts daughter had a baby boy
congratulations to all
reggie n the boys in the service department
had a great family picnic day last week
it was no coincidence reggie won the spoon race :
his mother janet tompkins ran the cutlery section at fossies for years!
some olde ttb staffers got together at the bull n cricket pub
and over a shandy( or 2 !) roger muller
entertained us with stories of the old storeroom on watkins st
mrs colin ferguson regaled us with tales of serial number mix ups
(before computers made her redundant, that is!)
and lizzie n some of the other typists tried their hands at darts
(maude got a triple 6)
now its the crazy season starting here at ttb
everyones wearing santa hats as we count down the days
lets have a safe holiday:
all ttbers are pointing their scissors at the floor
and not running if carrying them
(or a sharpened pencil)
this year we’ve only ordered 2 christmas trees
and pleased to say we’ve nabbed a rare type of pine for the office do
once home to the now extinct jub jub bird
which sadly died out when its natural habitat
was knocked down for christmas trees
young william in the mail room
is a fierce “eco-warrior” insisting on recycling his paddlepop sticks
and brad and gerald from internal affairs
have put their eggplants in a nursery
some big nights on the calendar coming up
the 22nd of dec
i’ll be hosting my traditional drinks with the chairman
in the board room (second door to left after laundry)
please rsvp my secretary or give your pledge
to mrs jenkins in reception
young sally shirley needs a ride to do kinkos
cant young simon in the mail room give her one?
jackie davis in the library has a doily for sale
and my goodness me
look at the time
7 30 in the morning here ttb time
we’ll be opening the doors soon…
have to get my uniform on
cant be slack you know
an example to set
rah rah rah!
ah here comes our first customer now…..

34 Responses to “just what this world needs : another blog……”

  1. avatar
    the dean | 9 December 2008 at 8:51 pm #

    Good morning,I like to return this blog, it’s not my size.

  2. avatar
    jax | 9 December 2008 at 9:26 pm #

    I heard you are offering celebratory sponsorships for a small donation.. may I reserve the blog on January 2, 2009.. I will put a tenner in the kitty.

  3. avatar
    steve kilbey | 9 December 2008 at 9:26 pm #

    sorry sir
    you need a receipt
    go to the complaints dept
    13th flaw

  4. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 9 December 2008 at 9:35 pm #

    Please review the General Ledger’s numbers for the fiscal year concluding the 13th month of Martober concerning Major Construction and his recent acquisitions of tomato soup and bullets.

    Sir Richard KnifeS, Esq (CEIEIO)

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 December 2008 at 9:50 pm #

    Why does anybody bother caring?
    You try to help, you get shit on.
    Fuck it then.

  6. avatar
    princey | 9 December 2008 at 9:56 pm #

    No xmas cheer here, I’ll be drowning my sorrows on the 22nd as we interstaters who are loyal and dedicated employees of ttb are not being flown up to Sydders to join in on the office night-of-nights! You told me when I received Employee-Of-The-Month 5 times in a row for my “outstanding commenting skills”, that my reward would be an “all expenses paid trip to Sydders to see Painkiller with backstage pass and free t-shirt”, whatsa goin’ on????

  7. avatar
    ticktockclarice | 9 December 2008 at 10:13 pm #

    Ha ha, channelling your inner David Brent there Steve? I always thought Ricky Gervais gave off a faint Steve Kilbey vibe (don’t panic, i think it’s the sarcasm more than the looks)
    Enjoy your Christmas parties out there people but not too much, jobs are getting harder to come by.
    PS. And no, is NOT hot enough for me here. Is currently pissing down with rain AGAIN. This is getting vaguely ridiculous. Perth may not have that much going for it, but at least we always had the nice weather!!

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 December 2008 at 10:43 pm #


    I always thought Fossies was a funny name for a shop..”I’m just going to Fossies..I got it at fossie”‘ Say it a few times ,it makes no sense Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies Fossies

    A non mouse

  9. avatar
    davem | 9 December 2008 at 10:47 pm #

    That made me smile.
    Needed it.
    My car’s fucked and I’m having to get various trains and buses to work. Just watched “A Concert For George” again. What a beautiful man, but it made me cry.
    10.50pm here and we have another wicked frost…lovely.
    Love you more Mr Kilbey.

  10. avatar
    Richard | 9 December 2008 at 10:48 pm #

    you going to dress up as sanity clause for the chairman?

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 December 2008 at 10:49 pm #

    Mavis in Accounts is still stealing pencils, paper clips and the medium-sized two-hole punch… and yet you failed to mention it.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 December 2008 at 10:52 pm #

    Remember the chain of department stores in Canberra, Youngs. The Curtin shop had one, they were the days. Wow, a dept. store no less, at the Curtin shops!

    I have a hand me down suit, that my dad gave me – “Anthony Squires expressly made for Ken Cook of Canberra”, lovely hand made number, one of my prized possesions.

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 December 2008 at 10:55 pm #

    Mavis in Accounts had sex with Frank from receivables and everybody acts as if it never happened. I canโ€™t go in the broom closet anymore without feeling a little ill, (and strangely turned on).

    And the less said about Igor in dispatch the better.

  14. avatar
    Freddie | 9 December 2008 at 11:30 pm #

    As this year comes to a close
    we here at Joy Enterprises
    wish to thank TTB for outstanding service
    over the past year.
    No matter how large your organization grows,
    yโ€™all always manage to make us feel of paramount importance.

    Miss Mountjoy,
    who met with your executive staff last Christmas
    has graciously volunteered
    and is en-route with holiday greetings
    and a small token to express our appreciation.

    Happy Holidays!
    From your friends at Joy Enterprises

  15. avatar
    kat | 9 December 2008 at 11:52 pm #

    i’ve been running with the scissors pointed outward. gotta gotta ha

    davem, sorry about your car. the new year will be welcome, i think.


  16. avatar
    Bionaut | 10 December 2008 at 12:21 am #

    This year, due to the global economic downturn, in lieu of a bonus for a year of hard work at TTB Corp., a donation has been made in your name to The Human Fund. Harpy Hollandaise.

  17. avatar
    seoigh | 10 December 2008 at 1:55 am #

    MR. Killer, sir, I have been, as you are well aware, a very loyal TTB employee for quite some time. And seeing as ’tis the season and all, what with the wife loaded with triplets and the cat with more still… I was thinking that maybe it might be time for a rise in salary?

  18. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 10 December 2008 at 2:41 am #

    …and i’d like to lodge a complaint about when my annual holiday leave has been given…boss, i wanted december/january and i got june/july??? …and what about my order for more 2B pencils, polystyrene coffee cups and expander files that i put in three months ago??? sheesh, who do i have to sleep with in this organisation to get what i want????
    love always…..

  19. avatar
    steve kilbey | 10 December 2008 at 3:56 am #

    ah….youre all fucken fired!!!
    bossy boots

  20. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 10 December 2008 at 6:17 am #

    haha i just made the undercut, you can’t fire anyone below this comment…

  21. avatar
    ross b | 10 December 2008 at 6:41 am #

    ah you should shed the hectic shirt and join me killa! all the students are gone here and i sit around doing sweet fa in front of the putey, but i'm out of 'ere in a couple of days for some well-desertspoon r. & r.

    * *

    Yeah davem, I particularly love the 'Macca with the Ukulele' segment!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    shine on b&s!

  22. avatar
    Shirley Sally | 10 December 2008 at 10:52 am #

    I am not young, I never fancied Simon in the mail room and what the hell are kinkos?

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 December 2008 at 1:16 pm #

    No wonder my orders haven’t been filled, my complaints have been ignored and a cunning, sophisticated takeover plot is underway (secretly).

    TTB Chairman is really Mao Zedong’s mini clone, the one who escaped during the Olympics.
    But TTB sounds like little Manchuria. Emperor Kilbey’s bureaucracy? You need to rationalise, economise, streamline, invest in capital improvements, bypass communism, get some tanks, get with the program and do a few Christmas redundancies to shake up the staff you keep (on their toes like busy ballerinas dancing happy profits through the New Year).

    rah rah rah

    Queen Vic

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 December 2008 at 1:44 pm #

    I truly think you have to move on. Change this space's content but okay, before you do it, you have to change your own very content. One who insists he/she is crap persuades everybody to think the same. You can do much better than this, Mr. Kilbey. It is not something like creativity crisis, it is a certain kind of nudity or nakedness that doesn't do any service to what you want to show. It is not a matter of going back to previous misteriousness either because that is not possible anymore and wouldn't be wise. I don't know what it is but I know your strategy needs to be changed. Your denial of organised marketing is as dumb as pure self-adulation/self-bashing. An artist is an artist for his/her ability to recreate the ego and deliver it in new forms and approaches. This flesh & bones outfit or harsh nakedness under white lights not any generous seems like Eminem or any other hip-hop me,me,me bullshit you despise.
    It seems like Britney Spears trying to be herself.
    Reinvent it or abandon it. Maybe this blog is more weary than, say, even you.
    And believe me, your key to success is not here, sir. The more you invoke it with no elegance the more it runs away from you and you know, there is ONE Steve Kilbey who deserves this success. Not sure about the other one but it's 10,000 years time you must shut his mouth and take away the power you gave him around 25 years EGO.

  25. avatar
    Anakki Mayhem | 10 December 2008 at 1:46 pm #

    i already has my tkt 2 xmas bliss…
    do i get a promotion? lolz

    cu there!

  26. avatar
    veleska1970 | 10 December 2008 at 3:44 pm #

    thanks for the chuckle today. i needed it. got a lot of crap going on.

    lotza love….

  27. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 10 December 2008 at 4:29 pm #

    Previous Misteriousness!!

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 December 2008 at 4:42 pm #

    yeah, good song title!

  29. avatar
    jax | 10 December 2008 at 7:01 pm #

    hey Anon 12:44, the Tasman flight left several hours ago and your family is awaiting your arrival.. you missed the boat again!

  30. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 10 December 2008 at 7:04 pm #

    hey anon at 12:44am, go fuck yourself, esskay and i are going to rule the world one day…

  31. avatar
    eek | 10 December 2008 at 7:07 pm #

    It’s been over a decade since I left that world, but today’s blog brought it right back. Thanks for the laugh. I needed that. ๐Ÿ™‚

  32. avatar
    steve kilbey | 10 December 2008 at 7:19 pm #

    the one steve kilbey who deserves success says
    hey anon 12 44
    can you lend me a dollar?

  33. avatar
    seoigh | 10 December 2008 at 7:36 pm #

    ok, that’s just funny.

  34. avatar
    lily was here | 15 December 2008 at 9:26 am #

    And the customer is always right
    Except when they say the price is too high LOL


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