posted on October 4, 2008 at 9:00 pm

saturday
not my best ever day i never had
all day long the thought of being on tee vee
how would i look
podgy
old
wrinkly
stupid
freckly
ignorant
irrelevant
or tick all of the above
anyway
it was rainy
i was trying to get off pot
the kids were a screamin’ n a fightin’
the woofle la stupenda
screaming and bellowing at the top of her not inconsiderable lungs
the doodles annoying her
withholding stuff (look at that a double “h”)
i got angrier n angrier
finally nk mercifully takes em out
i feel guilty that i couldnt handle their onslaught today
alone i succumb and smoke a few tokes on a very small joynt
i’m sorry that i let ya down
but i had no hope of going cold turkey
but i finished the day only smoking a quarter of usual
which is progress….right
dont give up on me yet
i’ll get it done
the wheels are in (slo)motion
after ‘aving smoked it
i finished off a commissioned portrait of dawn
i hope they like it
i worked n worked
it doesnt look exactly like dawn n co
but its kinda groovy
but depends if they wanted authenticity or grooviness
or something in between probably
anyhow anyway
i finished it
and stuck it on my wall till i send it
the doodles n woofle n nk come home
aurora has an abscess on a back tooth
so we go up to see the quack
i’m dreading a long satday avo queue
but we get in quick
she gets some anti-biotics
but shes gotta see the dentist next week
bondi junction n bondi are pretty empty for a saturday
nk makes reddi-burgers for dinner
mmm nice vegan patty with avo n letters n tomato n bread roll
la woofle eats like a pig
and we keep clashing over her (complete lack of) manners
aunty lou would have kittens if she saw’ er in action
licking avocado of a piece of limp toast
la scarlet woofle is defiant
a true joker in the pack
a real oscar wilde card
with her beethoven hair and show pan and bark
la woofle …what a little malarker
she keeps lickin’
i keep yellin’
the others keep sighin’
i cant keep my eyes of woofles silly face
covered in mashed up avo
oooh its disgustin’
i send her off from the table
but she goes a little way off
stark naked she is too
and starts striking vaguely obscene poses
and sobbing in the most maudlin melodramatic way
you little rascal
shes such a rapscallion
i just want some bloody PEACE
the doodles then demand a quiz
which we often have at dinner
the loser is deemed “dummy of the universe”
and the doodles answer questions as diverse as
whats the capital of wales
or who played drums in the beatles
or who was the greek god of avocado
etc
due to a general breakdown of quiz
and me declaring both doodles n woofle all dummies
the doodles begin their floorshow
in which they dance around n mime
to songs from the eighties which seemed to have started life
as some of nks guilty pleasures
but now without a trace of irony
the doodles hoof around to
“putting on the ritz” (a dreadful electro version)
and “somebodies watching me”
eve is all teeth n flounce n wobble
aurora is like the straight man
but they have some nifty routines worked out
tho i symp for the people downstairs
la woofle clumps about like a fantasia hippo
wow i got it all going on here
the doodles threaten me with “safety dance”
nope…thats enuff for one night
we go in n watch an episode of the mighty boosh
which along
worst week of my life
n the office
n darkside
is one of our favourite shows here chez kill-bee
this episode “the crimp” is hill-arious
eventually the kev carmody spesh comes on
have any of ya ever been on telly
have ya?
its a nerves generating thing
i feel all butterflies like before a giggo
we’re all sitting there waiting for me to come on
oh no
woofle has hit cloudland n now stretched out racking up “z”s
aurora the human bunny is looking mighty comfy
wake me up when it gets to your bit ,dad
and shes asleep before we even see kev carmody
WARNING: THIS PROGRAM CONTAINS OCCASIONAL OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE
oh dear i hope that isnt you …my family all laugh
cos my mums watching
she was real proud of me on rockwiz
can i repeat the trick again
mum dont like
swearing especially
“why swear when you have a good vocabulary” says joycie
(but when i was lost for words describing a certain recent audience to her
joycie volunteers the word i was searching for
mum, they were such, such, such….
“wankers ?” she asks)
but look me mums just come out of hossy
and i dont wanna put any strain on her
(at least for a while)
so i hope i dont say nothing controversial
the concert unravels
ooh some camera angles making some people look dodgy
ooh i hope they dont see my acne scars or my fleshy ear lobes
heres paul kelly looking like the official on a bowling green
missy higgy doing her one foot up n down jive
( i have to admit our missy does have presence tho)
kev himself…wow what a geezer…the real deal
then the drones
holy hell
white hot maniac intensity
what an extraordinary performance
blah blah blah
finally
its kilbey
theyre interviewing him
he says
something like
“the english went round the world and FUCKED it up”
oh no
i’m slagging off the pommies and swearing
i do my show
i’m pretty animated
i got my hands swirling around
as i sneer out kevs brilliant images of london
“nursing corgis that keep crapping in yer lap”
i sing
(how pithy)
and i hold my head in my hands in horror
i look kinda old but kinda cool if i do say so myself
and i do
i dont look too bad
i sing pretty good
and im suitably whatever
im pretty pleased with myself
nk’s giving me that special look of love
last seen after painkiller gig
n before that the triffids
eve kilbey
who has miraculously stayed awake
has the last word
“its ok dad…you didnt swear that much!”

ps
pic of church today in sunday telegraph
look at me with that dopey expression n cocktale

22 Responses to “keve stilbeys on the telly again, deer…..”

  1. avatar
    CSTCoach | 4 October 2008 at 10:22 pm #

    Glad to hear the tv thingy turned out well! Hope someone recorded it… Anyone… Bueller…?

    I thought your version of Images was really great. I got it just before doing that desert journey with the Bedouin, so it was on my MP3 on repeat that entire trip…

    Hilarious re: the 80’s recital. A fambly after my own heart (tho we could all do with a little less puttin on the ritz!). Having grown up in the 80’s i’ve got a soft spot for some of those songs, even the awful ones…

    re: the pot, lemme check with one of our staff med advisors, maybe i can get some info for ya that would help. will send by email, tho, for obvious liability porpoises. Good luck kicking the habit – we’re all in yer corner!

    oh, scott’s headed over your way in a couple weeks again. up for some yoga contortions?

  2. avatar
    kat | 4 October 2008 at 10:31 pm #

    ha ha ha i am sorry i can’t stop laughing at your blog today, sk. you are just so funny and i get a visual on the whole scene at the kilbee residence.

    your kids remind me of my nieces. they like to dance to i’m too sexy for my shirt.. up on the cat walk. (i admit, i introduced them to that song and then they wouldn’t let it die) then there is elizabeth, who tortured us with good morning by the beatles twenty something times because she was sent to her room one day.

    i am sorry i can’t say that i saw you on tv here in cincinnatI. guess you will have to explain to your mom, the cursing. hope she is recovering nicely.

    what is it with everyone’s tooth problems lately? arrgh i need a dose of whatever.

    i will never down jazz, sk. its bad for your lungs but there are ways around it. the cookies!!

    love all the songs on painkiller, but as of right now am getting quite addicted to celestial, crystalline rush, oenone, and not what you say ๐Ÿ˜‰

    cheers

  3. avatar
    captain mission | 4 October 2008 at 11:21 pm #

    brilliant show
    you were easily the standout, remarkable song and yeah i thought your comments were spot on. (being a londoner myself) kevin did nail it, saw right into the spirit of the place. i grew up with that weird feeling haunting me and spent my time trying to escape the place, never had that strong connection to it that most people seem to have. i think you were the only person who swore so the warning at the start of the show would have been specially for your bit. ha!

    raining day activities at your place sound like a lot of fun, yeah that little one is something else. a singularity. looks like another wet and rainy day here. hope you have some tricks up your sleeve for the kids, movies may be an idea, the film wall e is meant to be very good.

    aurora may be interested to know there is a ‘dangerous book for girls’ out, i saw it in a bookshop the other yesterday and thought of her.

    anyways have a great day.

    ps i love the ‘boosh’, what a dichotomy howard and vince make.

  4. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 4 October 2008 at 11:31 pm #

    ditto on the smokey tokey once again, funny how after smokey tokey we want to create artworks, hmmm…
    Jonny

  5. avatar
    Dr Krall | 4 October 2008 at 11:48 pm #

    Good luck with
    ned
    trapp
    ningen

    Greetings from St Eriksplan.

  6. avatar
    ml68 | 4 October 2008 at 11:57 pm #

    yeah great night in all round….forced my wife to stay awake…great show…dunno much about carmody but the tunes were pretty cool…now surrounded by my kids trying to type this in as they clamber all round…we’re all in different boats but similar rivers sometimes…

    the mighty boosh unfortunately ended last week on sbs…what a show hey!! go Vince!

  7. avatar
    Understandascope | 5 October 2008 at 3:45 am #

    hey Steve.

    You were much more than cool!!!
    frkn awesome more like it.
    You havent changed at all according
    to my daughter, (who is autistic and your number one fan) she hasnt seen you since watching a rage special from the early nineties.your prescence last night had an immediate effect of recognition for her and because she is not very verbal these days,she astonished me by saying ‘Thats Steve Kilbey’!!
    Loved the hand movements!
    ala david byrne?
    you looked amazing!
    and the Drones? WOW

    Hope your Sunday is full of peace!
    Jenny

  8. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 5 October 2008 at 3:51 am #

    Your rendition of “Images Of London” is outstanding. Long lost commentor “Ethereal Butterfly” sent me that wonderful Kev tribute CD all the way from Aussie.

    Monday night in America, David Letterman (I’m not a fan) has both Russell Crowe and The Pretenders on. I’ll watch that show God willing. I conjecture that big bucks will still be made by UTMW. All American music fans revere it. It’s not overplayed which is idyllic because many great songs have been destroyed by commercial overplay! Vishnu digs a luminous female and she’s in SK’s art site.

  9. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 5 October 2008 at 4:03 am #

    we go in n watch an episode of the mighty boosh
    which along
    worst week of my life
    n the office
    n darkside
    is one of our favourite shows here chez kill-bee
    this episode “the crimp” is hill-arious…

    The

    Mighty

    Boosh

  10. avatar
    Matt | 5 October 2008 at 4:34 am #

    I love The Safety Dance. You should do a cover of that.
    P.S. Please don’t ban me. I was only sort of half-joking.

  11. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 5 October 2008 at 6:08 am #

    …well it might comfort you a wee bit to know i’m addicted to caffeine (one of the downfalls of being a teacher…wanna find the staffroom in any school? follow the smell of coffee)…didn’t have my usual daily bucketfull quota today and had a sonofabitching headache until i came home and had a cuppa in my jumbo economy-size coffee cup…
    i thought you were brilliant in kev carmody special…
    i recorded the show on video, does anybody want a copy, might be able to phenurgle a copy or two to those who didn’t see it…
    somebody got a copy of the sunday telegraph piccy?
    love always…

  12. avatar
    davem | 5 October 2008 at 8:06 am #

    Much as I love my kids, I (mostly)find them easier to handle now they’re older.
    I’m always jealous when I know you’re on TV down there and we can’t see it.
    Glad you like The Boosh. Fab stuff – I know Andy L is a big fan too. Hoping to see them here in Brum on Dec 22.
    xx

  13. avatar
    verdelay | 5 October 2008 at 10:51 am #

    oooh, how I strove and strove and strove to be some kind of vince noir in my yooof. but i was always the moon, though, always the moon. my barber recently told me i look like a geography teacher (from leeds?). it was the grey-flecked beard, I think. how about a librarian from leicester? that would do nicely. that’s the look that harry flowers was always after… ha! at last!

  14. avatar
    sergezรฉni | 5 October 2008 at 1:22 pm #

    There’s still 2 or 3 albums by Kev Carmody that I’ll have to discover. He’s absolutely brilliant.

    The smoking… Aaah, don’t worry: You’ll stop when you’ll stop and that’s all. I have serious problems with tobacco myself.

    SZ.

  15. avatar
    davem | 5 October 2008 at 2:42 pm #

    “i sing pretty good”
    Pretty good? PRETTY GOOD??
    Not a soul on earth that can match your vocals.

  16. avatar
    msm | 5 October 2008 at 3:29 pm #

    What a day to arrive back 1 day late from overseas… oversight… *and* i missed rockwiz too intothabargain whilst segue-ing… Oh well… purchase dvd…

  17. avatar
    fantasticandy | 5 October 2008 at 5:51 pm #

    yeah..i do love the ‘boosh’
    but not half as much as painkiller!
    ..just what i needed to stop me from becoming any more big-headed.
    nice one killer!
    luv,
    andy.

    p.s. dave…i’m at the nottingham boosh gig…pity, we coulda had a beer!

  18. avatar
    Debbysofuckinwhat! | 5 October 2008 at 10:10 pm #

    Slysdexics of the whirled UNTIE!!

  19. avatar
    eek | 5 October 2008 at 10:31 pm #

    I know the kids were driving you nuts but I love reading your descriptions of the mayhem. Absolutely hilarious! I think you could have something with a reality tv program based on your home life. I can just imagine it now — Life With Killer — it would be a hit! (I can’t really imagine it being as funny as the wonderful TTB versions we are treated to, but when you’re trying for a mass audience you can’t really expect many to actually read and use their imaginations.)

    “why swear when you have a good vocabulary” says joycie

    My mum used to say very much the same thing. Once when I was really little we were probably probably doing our version of driving the folks crazy and finally she’d had it and went into a swear filled tirade. I piped up with “you just don’t have a good vocabulary!” She said as mad as she was, she just couldn’t help but laugh. Hey — at least she knew I’d been listening to her!

    Although I haven’t seen the Kev Carmody special I have noticed when you talk about someone or something you are excited about that you come across brilliantly — you positively glow. So given your respect and admiration for Mr. Carmody, I’m sure you looked and sounded great (even with the swearing! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

    Speaking of how you looked — given the looks on MWP’s, TP’s, and PK’s faces, you must have been delivering quite a zinger in that Sunday Telegraph pic. ๐Ÿ™‚

    TTB fiends — you can check out the pic for yourself by signing up for a free account at PressDisplay.com ( Click here ). I think a free account lets you look at one (or maybe two) newspaper per day. I just looked at the list of Australian newspapers, found the one I wanted — in this case the Sunday Telegraph for Oct. 5 — and then when I clicked on it the info I needed to fill out to get the free account popped up. Very easy to set up. The pic is on page 124. ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 6 October 2008 at 1:50 am #

    Cannot Buy My Soul is a sheerly brilliant double LP set up by Paul Kelly to revive the career of so good Australian singer/songwriter/performer/ elder Kev Carmody – see my review of the enduring listening double set here –
    http://www.kevcarmody.com.au/Reviews/cannotbuymysoul.html

    Steve, it was a marvellous show – you, Tex, Missy, Kev, Paul Kelly, the Pigram Brothers, The amazing Drones – yow! Dan Sultan – ooh! I hope they make a DVD release. Meanwhile you can hopefully check it soon internationally online on the SBS TV site – it was advertised at the end of the show but doesn’t seem to be on the site yet.

    x Jen Jewel Brown
    http://flaminghoop.blogspot.com/

  21. avatar
    chuck h | 7 October 2008 at 6:22 pm #

    Cool SK, That is my portrait!

    chuck alaska

  22. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 7 October 2008 at 11:40 pm #

    this thing on


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