posted on July 5, 2010 at 11:34 am

one step forward
one step back
something good
something bad
i sit here writing lovely songs
but out there my life unravels drip by sip by blip by dip
still it doesnt matter
i am a survivor
i go on n on regardless
my yoga my meditation my swimming my pure diet will sustain me
clear headed and on form i am
yet so dismayed by a constant stream of lowdown tricks
and slaps in the face
you wouldnt believe the half of it
now i feel so tired and spent
just an old bloke
being used up for all his worth

i will forgive
but i will never

41 Responses to “life somewhere else”

  1. avatar
    DavidP | 5 July 2010 at 12:30 pm #

    not sure what to say sk.
    sounds like there's some tough things going on.
    no doubt all adding to the learning but there is suffering along the way.
    suffering makes the soul grow stronger they say.
    by that equation, if we truly want our souls to grow stronger then i suppose one would have to volunteer themselves to difficulties.
    voluntary suffering.
    would seem like madness to most of the world.
    but the way i see it the suffering is more to do with what is within us than the situations themselves, as bad as they can in themselves be sometimes.
    more to do with our response to them.
    i'm not suggesting we go out and deliberately make our lives difficult.
    we don't need to do that because life has a way bringing things about for us to learn & grow from i think.
    imagine being able to respond to negativity with nothing but peace and love.
    a pretty hard task most of the time but that's a goal i have although i'm far from reaching it.
    whatever it is i'm sure you have enough support behind you, not least all the readers and commenters here on this wonderful blog of yours.

  2. avatar
    fantasticandy | 5 July 2010 at 12:30 pm #

    thank you, you gracious manne….
    but after reading today's blogge
    i think i'll leave it 'till a more appropriate time.
    my main concern at the moment is you…..
    blessings to you mate,
    you have the strength, judgment and savvy to get through this….
    whatever you choose to do(or don't do)it will be the right course of action for all concerned, of that i am sure.
    the heart knows no logic sagely one,
    yet if anyone can find sense amidst the carnage i'm confident you can.
    much love to all at chez kilbey,

  3. avatar
    Brian | 5 July 2010 at 12:30 pm #

  4. avatar
    LF | 5 July 2010 at 12:41 pm #

    An interesting thing about early Christian monastic writers: their discussions of meditation often focused on how necessary yet difficult it is to forget. They considered uncontrolled memory/emotion to be "mental fornication" (!) and so cultivated an art of forgetting by retraining mental associations. Arduous work, really. Personally, I'm happy with my mental fornication, but then I'm an undisciplined nonbeliever.

  5. avatar
    Broken Toys and Heros | 5 July 2010 at 2:39 pm #

    U seem to be rocking back and forth from bliss to possible dispair. i hope u right the ship soon enough for simply the treasure of "peace of mind". whatever is troubling u so greatly needs to be addressed. examine all points of reference and points of view. ultimately, do whats right for u and ur family. because in the end- they are the only ones who have ur back.

    take care,


  6. avatar
    bc | 5 July 2010 at 2:58 pm #

    don't let 'em bring you down…

  7. avatar
    persephone2u | 5 July 2010 at 3:21 pm #

    Don't let anybody bring you down. Create your art and tell anyone that interferes with your ability to create said art to take a long walk off a short pier. Stay focused and clear-headed and ignore 'em.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 July 2010 at 3:26 pm #

    When you don't believe in drama it will be gone. You create your own reality. And that's good news!

  9. avatar
    veleska1970 | 5 July 2010 at 3:54 pm #

    much love to you.

  10. avatar
    tom | 5 July 2010 at 4:24 pm #

    Perhaps you can try to endure the pain as best you can and perservere… I believe the universe IS governed by a sometimes-subtle system of checks and balances… If you are doing no harm and no wrong to others then you can sleep at night with a clean conscience… If otherwise, make amends and always move forward. That is my two cents' worth. Through your art you have built a worldwide fan base of people that perpetually wish for your well-being.

  11. avatar
    Andrea | 5 July 2010 at 4:42 pm #

    I don't know what is happening, but I am sending my warmest thoughts to you hoping the sky will be clearer again soon.


  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 July 2010 at 5:13 pm #

    Sometimes it does get tough. Oh, the naivete of youth. One thing about aging is that it's just hard sometimes. The knowledge you have gained. I agree tho, family is what matters most. Is the pain there for a reason? If so … what? And what can you do to make it all better — Is it possible to ignore it and move on. Keep your karma good. If it must be addressed, then you must do that too. Awaiting a blog on I hate cigarettes, I hate tobacco. God bless.

  13. avatar
    Steven Krut | 5 July 2010 at 5:50 pm #

    Sorry to learn that there are bad things happening. Hope it all works out to your benefit.

  14. avatar
    cazziem | 5 July 2010 at 5:52 pm #

    Like no doubt countless others, my heart goes out to you SK. You know some of the sh*t I've had to deal with, and I like you I have forgiven the b**tards that treated me so badly, but will never forget any of the pain I suffered. However, I learned that before you can truly forgive others, you have to forgive yourself; which doesn't necessarily mean you've actually done anything wrong, but you have to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated badly. Only then can you accept what pain and grieve you've endured and promise yourself not to let it happen again.

  15. avatar
    eek | 5 July 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    You're a good man, Steve. I know it, and I'm always on your side/in your corner. The shit being slung at you is demoralising, discouraging, exhausting, but I'll bet it really isn't about you. Hang in there. And do remember you ARE a good man — not without your flaws — but nevertheless, essentially good. Trust me, hun, I know evil, and you ain't it.

  16. avatar
    RIsaac | 5 July 2010 at 7:08 pm #

    Thank you, Mr. Kilbey. Your clarity is clarifying.

  17. avatar
    davem | 5 July 2010 at 8:08 pm #

    There are so many of us here who love you.

  18. avatar
    steve kilbey | 5 July 2010 at 10:50 pm #

    dear people
    thanks for your positive vibes
    believe me they are appreciated
    and i need them all
    i love alla you too

  19. avatar
    BelAir | 5 July 2010 at 11:01 pm #

    Let me at em!
    After yesterday's blog I felt so excited for you… I feel the hurt and devastation emanating from your words. You are so very much loved as an artist and even though I've never met you, don't know you personally, only through the music I hear, the words you write and sing, the bass you play and the paintings you paint, I know that when one leaves their soul open, there is so much room for hurt and that is the chance one takes for true art – but still, it hurts…..

  20. avatar
    Jasperina | 6 July 2010 at 12:05 am #

    I am going through a two steps forward one step back phase in my life. Trying to just put on foot in front of the other isn't easy. Every day your prose keeps me bouyant and reminds me to keep seeking my own truth.

  21. avatar
    melissa | 6 July 2010 at 12:29 am #

    🙁 … I'm sorry sk, the last couple of bloggy's have been so happy and enthusiastic, I felt so excited for you .. and now this.

    I guess that is just life, but it still hurts. I hope all will be ok … sending good vibes to you.

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2010 at 12:31 am #

    heya steven

    ive definitely picked up your vibes and have a fair idea whats going on. had my fair share of similar difficulties in that same area of life lately.
    strangely enough, looks like things may be coming full circle and working out well for me and actually working out as best as i had ever hoped for.
    heres to hoping the same can be so for you. its difficult to remain detached but its the only way to get through such actions and words. do what you can, dont worry about what you cant do and remain friendly and open for whatever may come.
    wish you well
    -the reedy river

  23. avatar
    Broken Toys and Heros | 6 July 2010 at 12:47 am #


    whatever u are experiencing at this or these moments does truly belong to you. it is your life, and as incredible a life it is for ur many friends and fans to enjoy- it is ur life. we can only hope that u can endure thru this stage of indifference and soldier on. but the reality is…whatever is happening to u has strong negative energy and is capable of influencing u to share this with all of us. as grateful as all of us are to read, listen, and learn from u- we ultimately wish u good happiness and health. so please step back from the everyday chaos of life and search for a resolution to what is troubling u this way. it appears unhealthy, and we believe ur strong enough to put all this in its proper place…far,far-behind u.



    WOW- it is frickin HOT hear in Chicago !!!

  24. avatar
    eek | 6 July 2010 at 1:01 am #

    "i will forgive
    but i will never

    You're one up on me there. When I'm really hurt or screwed over, while I can eventually move on, I I not only never forget, I also very rarely forgive.

    That's probably not a good thing….

    Taking care of yourself in the face of so much stress is important, which you seem to be doing. It will be hard to get through, but you will get through, and there is a lot of sweetness left in this life for you.

  25. avatar
    isolde | 6 July 2010 at 1:21 am #

    build me a bridge cos i need a smooth transition
    just a short bridge for a cross expedition
    ease troubled waters with a little modulation
    baby build me a bridge with a minor exposition

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2010 at 1:43 am #

    You stated the obvious, yourself, of what matters:

    still it doesnt matter

    enough said; i'm not so sure you can (or should) forgive something that doesn't matter. it just changes… as long as you never forget. then gently go forward. (revenge.)

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2010 at 2:38 am #

    Tomorrow will be a brighter day.
    I believe things will turn around in the universe with the good karma coming right at ya.
    Sending the good vibes right now (but hang on, they may not be there in an instant).

    Peace & love

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2010 at 2:56 am #

    your up and down like a yo yo man

    to the stage where it is unbearable
    Glad I'm not in your skin

    Is this what 40 years of drug intake does to a person

    take some happy pills


  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2010 at 4:35 am #

    Kinell SK, tonite was one fer the books here in IL land. Reading that your have a time, like the song says, one man struggles while another relaxes. Keep your head up, things will turn around. They always do.

    Life's An Ocean


  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2010 at 5:46 am #

    it all works out in the end, just hang in there and let the badness flow like a muddy river to its destination.
    cheers from germany

  31. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 6 July 2010 at 6:33 am #

    i can relate 110% with your line about forgiving but not forgetting….scars are healed wounds but they hardly ever disappear….

    you make wonderful things that many, many other people enjoy…..think of the happiness you bring us, mate…….

    love always…..

  32. avatar
    Georgia | 6 July 2010 at 9:07 am #


    I am SO proud of you…but do understand that this journey, like Odysseus' is full of obstacles and temptations. It is the nature of a great journey.

    We are here, in thought and spirit, willing you good health, happiness and the strength to overcome it all.

    I have learned that habits are how we find ourselves smack dab in the midst of chaos, but creating new habits will overcome those temptations. Keep doing the yoga and swimming and find another way to let yourself dream without taking a toke. You did it as a child….you can do it again. You have a great mind….but these temptations seep doubt into your mind. You must trust us-that know. You have a great mind..and it will soar.

    Keep your head clear and let your lungs breathe in the fresh air. You WILL overcome the temptations.

    We love you!!!

    And please send our love to your lovely wife and children. I believe their love is so healing for you.

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2010 at 10:53 am #

    One thing I always find hard to rationalise is that there's nout so queer as folk.

    Dutch Pierre

  34. avatar
    Donna | 6 July 2010 at 9:34 pm #

    Steve,Hope you're feeling better today! Slow and steady wins the race!! Keep doing those things that you know are good for you, and their benefits will be there when the storm clears. And I agree w/ Tom and BelAir…Also sending you good vibes…

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2010 at 11:41 pm #

    what can i say… holland reached the wc finals a few hours ago and afterwards i saw pavement (i guess you don't really like them) a real nice gig. so let me go gently into that good night… and wake up tomorrow without a headache


  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2010 at 1:01 am #

    Think of all of things you've accomplished in your life & how happy you've made sad people.

    Most of all, think of all of the great things you'll accomplish in the time to come.

    There's never any expiration date on life…. Rock on Steve.

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 July 2010 at 1:16 am #

    get stoned and play some oophoi.

  38. avatar
    Ellen | 7 July 2010 at 5:35 pm #

    So sorry to hear you're going through what sounds to be a very trying time. Sending out prayers and positive [sunny California] vibes your way. You're very strong, as evidenced by what you've been through so far in your life and you will, no doubt, get through this and come out stronger.

    I always remind myself when things are rough:

    Blessed men go through…

  39. avatar
    galadriel9 | 8 July 2010 at 2:29 am #

    I think you look pretty damn good, old bloke and you've still got that great mind.

  40. avatar
    Jason Haas | 8 July 2010 at 3:37 am #

    brother time being,

    this post has lingered in my mind a bit. as a result, there's something i wanted to share:

    my then-wife and i first saw you and the church in 1998, in atlanta. i don't think you opened your eyes once during that whole show, though maybe toward the end. you looked like a tall, hollow pillar of a man, not seeing the world around, but deep in some other plane. eh, it's the rock an' roll way, right? damn fine show, had me shouting "Cortez!!" up till the acoustic tours… (and even then…))

    Honestly, man, you seemed a shell of a man compared to how you are now. off all the drugs and booze, swimming and doing yoga, meditating, on the "pure diet." the difference, man, it's night and day. it's incredible. the stoic rocker of twelve years ago simply could not have done what you did on the 30th anniversary tour, nor would he have done such a fine show, or made such a fine album as you just did with mr. cain.

    even knowing how temporary it all is, I'm very grateful that you have been able to reach such a good state of being.

    it's inspiring!

    sk, the inspirer!

    who'd a thunk it? 😀

  41. avatar
    Susan in NYC | 8 July 2010 at 7:05 am #

    Dearest Steven, if you have love, you have everything you need. And you do have love — you give it, and you surely get it, including from me. I wish you peaceful resolutions to your current feelings — know only too well how hard, even with yoga, meditation, trying to do the right, best thing, sometimes it just doesn't seem like enough. But, then again, there is love. Sending you buckets-full. . .Susan

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.