posted on February 22, 2008 at 10:27 pm

every morning is perfect
how could it not be?
maybe not perfect for you…..
but still perfect
i’m sitting here at my ibook g4
eating shredded wheat with rice milk n raw sugar
i wake up early after a wild day
including talking nk into having a swim in sea
cmon im saying youll feel so refreshed
cmon i say i’ll watch scarlet
nk goes in
shes frolicking around in waves
oh steven i’ve been stung
sure enough
a bluebottle jellyfish has wrapped round her arm
stinging and burning
shes very brave but in excrutiating pain
we get home after a nasty windy walk
even the air is making it hurt moans my poor baby
only after hours does the pain disappear
nk recommends hot water as most viable remedy
but once yer stung….yer fuckin’ stuck, mon
anyway then i start noticing spider references
a guy from sweden writes to me
in a band called the arachnophobias
then we see and talk about spiders all day
at nielsens park in the changing rooms
finally last night
after a lotta love n intoxication
i sit out in the darkness on my balcony
sitting on my backstep naked
its 2 oo am…its a balmy nite
no one can see me
anyhow im sitting out there
im watching the moon cast delicate rainbow aureoles
on fleece like clouds who were inching their way across
a black night sky
i must admit i was pretty vacant
(theres always a fuckin’ catch!)
then a red station wagon comes slowly up my street
and this dude just stops in the middle of the road
jumps out and is running around with a torch
looking at stuff
he starts walking down my path…
and oh no i cant fuckin’ believe this..
hes walking up my steps
im frantically waving my arms at this idiot
“what you want mate?” i ask
is this number 11 he says
“its seven mate” i say
not 11 ?he asks like an imbecile
(in case the number to my house changed but i aint realised)
“its seven” i say very definitely
i mean you shoulda been able to tell by the tone of my voice
a man uses that tone that means no more discussion, right?
the guy backs off n runs around with his fucking torch
after a few minutes hes back
im wasted im tripping im out of it
im sitting on my step in the darkness
trying to get some peace
and im naked…
wheres 11 then? the idiot asks
” down that way , i guess” i say
my tone now is downright aggressive
i dont wanna see this man one more time
i realise dimly hes lookin’ for a noisy party
that fizzled out ages ago
the guy must be so out of it
he doesnt have a clue
he gets in his car and pisses off
i sit contemplating my lost paintings
i sit contemplating art and music and the moon
im reaching some very satisfying conclusions when..
the fucking car comes back
the idiot jumps out and is walking down my path
up the steps to my first floor balcony
this is supposed to be 11 he says
i stand up and grab a towel hanging on the railing
i coulda chosen a number of towels
but i chose this one
i wrapped it round my waist
oh fuck whats that ?im thinking
as a burning gravelly strange pain starts up on my hip
just above my bum
this is supposed to be 11 he says again
i stand up with my towel
and i move into the light
a hot and dishevelled bricklayer i am
disturbed in his own fucking house at north bondi
at 2 15 by this prick
“dude ” i say ” this is SEVEN!!’
my voice is telling him
that our next contact is gonna be me decking him
the australian male in me is aroused and im fucking angry
i guess he finally got the message
cos he got in his car and pissed off for good
gee my hip is sore though
i go in and show it to nk
she says oh darlin’
theres 2 puncture marks like an inch apart…
we then both realise
i been bitten by a bloody spider
who was in the towel
ouch oh
now im sitting here waiting for symptoms
of fever headache deleria
muse: sounds like a normal kilbey day
my paintings are lost for good it seems
i did yoga n i feel better
i see old nepali woman next door in sari
lighting incense to ganesha n buddha
the girls are on the balcony
all over me as im trying to do my poses
i let go
fuck the paintings
fuck the jellyfish
fuck the spider
fuck the idiot
whats next?
bring on the sharks!

52 Responses to “lifelike”

  1. avatar
    Fireseed | 23 February 2008 at 12:31 am #

    ha! ha! ha!
    you really do have to laugh at life, dontcha?

  2. avatar
    B Raine | 23 February 2008 at 12:38 am #

    i met a guy today who said hed been tp nbondi beach……i asked if the water was aqua green/…he said he stayed out cuz of the sharks…/

    BTW Mark called and reminded me of the lunar eclipse(you couldnt see) and we were talking on the phone waching the eclipse— and Than we thought if we were on the moon wed be seeing a total earth eclipse….pretty amazing…when the sun moon earth all line up==I wonder if the crazied during the full moon eclipse get uncrazy….sounds like the earths shadow passed in time for mr torch carrying spider bite naked towel deck man,,,,Oh You Listen….this is a coincidence …..I rented HOLY MOUNTAIN the other night I asked MEM(BTW I have OSHO ZEN TArOT) but arent marks cards just beautiful??? I like what you wrote….so the coincidence is I asked you in a comment if Youd seen Holy Mountain , i Told MEM yesterday and he laughed and said he had just sent you clips of the same movie—plus the whole tarot card (theres a tarot special feature) I didnt want you to think w/ me asking and him sending….well were brothers so perhaps the man with the torch the lunar eclipse and Holy Mountain are all ONE…..
    Its freezing cold and storming I just bareley made it back…30 mph on the highway…….I just got a emac on ebay///all snow white… IT finally ONline…annyway Im the first shark it looks……
    I couldnt imagine swimming where theres great whites…….and a spider in your towel…seems the man with the torch had a message….you may think your 11
    but your really a 7 actually sounds like a scene out of Holy Mountain….Peace…BRainyone

  3. avatar
    Melby Symon | 23 February 2008 at 12:41 am #

    Steve…how much should one man have to bear ? My prescription: wrap yerself in cottonwool for a couple of days and send nk and the kids out to the park to look for a 4 leaf clover for you !

  4. avatar
    Melby Symon | 23 February 2008 at 12:42 am #

    ps..scrap that…nk’s probably not feeling well either…send the twillies !

  5. avatar
    matt davison | 23 February 2008 at 1:15 am #

    Mannne!! thats crazy!! I got bitten by one a month or so ago.. had to ring the poison hotline..STILL ALIVE THOU

    What a cruddy day. Warm clothes the go for Melby..Winter down here pal..funny that it was 95 degrees on its colder than NZ in July.. weird

    travel safe Killer!


  6. avatar
    steve kilbey | 23 February 2008 at 1:22 am #

    if youre reading this message
    steve kilbey has expired from the bite of a nasty spider

  7. avatar
    markobears | 23 February 2008 at 1:24 am #

    Pulling out a towel means it’s gonna get ugly in oz? This could be a new trend.

  8. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 23 February 2008 at 2:05 am #

    Unreal. Somehow this just seems like a Kilbey story. I think you were quite restrained with that moron who kept pestering you BTW. I thought you were going to strangle him with your towel. How is it so many idiots go through life so unscathed? That’s my philosophical question o’ the day.
    p.s. very sorry about your paintings. sometimes the universe is greedy.

  9. avatar
    veleska1970 | 23 February 2008 at 2:22 am #

    jeez, what else is next? i shudder to think.

    well, it can’t get any worse, can it? things should be looking up now.

    lotza love…..

  10. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 23 February 2008 at 2:56 am #

    A few days ago I read an article in the Guardian about some insatiable carnivores eating jellyfish. Today I read about the ecological importance of spiders. On the bright side the Kilbey’s live in one of the most idyllic regions in the world.

    If there are any fellow psychopath commentors, do not take Zyprexa. My “Doctor” put me on the pernicious drug three weeks ago. I’ve gained 8 pounds. Went to another doctor who told me Xypreza causes massive weight gain and diabetes.

    I’m more pissed off than Sk is today. Threw all the fucking Zyprexa pills away. I never needed them and they were killing me via expanding my girth.

    Meat is Murder and Zypreza is murderous.

  11. avatar
    Richard | 23 February 2008 at 3:00 am #

    it must be epitaph time then!

    “Poor ol’ esskay
    gone to heaven
    killed by a spider
    and the party at 11.”

    or maybe something less poetic

    “Steven Kilbey 23/02/08.
    Australia’s greatest songwriter. Bitten on the arse by a towel spider.”

  12. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 23 February 2008 at 3:03 am #

    sorry to hear bout nk, you should have pissed on her arm to make the sting go away, haha, as for you killer, that was me who bit you today…
    The Reel/Real Spiderman

  13. avatar
    Sunshine | 23 February 2008 at 3:47 am #

    Captain Beyond beat me to it. Although I don’t know if the urine treatment is for jellyfish sting or sea urchin sting.

    Some lucky bastard is enjoying your, no doubt, gorgeous paintings, SK. I’m really sorry it’s not the person who paid for them. They’ll have the return address, so maybe their conscience will get the better of them.


  14. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 23 February 2008 at 6:32 am #

    “steve kilbey said…
    if youre reading this message
    steve kilbey has expired from the bite of a nasty spider

    sorry to hear of your premature expiration!

    but look on the positive side…
    you won’t feel a thing when the sharks arrive!

  15. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 23 February 2008 at 6:59 am #

    …so you were starkers when you got bitten…thank your lucky stars that the spider wasn’t a few inches south-west/south-east when you wrapped the towel around you…could have had dire consequences…makes my eyes water just thinking about it…
    love always…

  16. avatar
    B Raine | 23 February 2008 at 7:04 am #

    STEVE I JUST looked at “apocolypse” and resembled something I did messing around on a basic program. quite some time ago….. Take a look if u have a sec. i mean ull see this is very basic but just thought id mention meaning!!! quite some time ago

  17. avatar
    syrinx | 23 February 2008 at 7:18 am #

    The picture of some painful stinging thing WRAPPED AROUND your wife’s arm is just awful. I don’t know about ocean creatures – I’m imagining it having to be wrenched off. Strangers are feeling bad on her behalf and grimacing…

  18. avatar
    B Raine | 23 February 2008 at 7:18 am #

    Its on my blog now…

  19. avatar
    B Raine | 23 February 2008 at 7:21 am #

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2008 at 7:29 am #

    We get bluebottles up here only when a north easterly is blowing, suppose its the same along the whole east coast. Southerly here today, blue skies, water pristine, dolphins frolicking and two stingrays in the rockpool.
    Hope the spider not one of those horrid white tails Steve.
    cant get the googley working today.

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2008 at 9:23 am #

    spiders are fucking horrible, scrawly legs,hairy,fat bloated bodies and 8 black satan eyes reflecting back at you – but still all part of gods plan somewhere i suppose, dunno where though. there was a story that may not be true of a guy whose light had not worked for months in his shed. he finally went to change it and reaching in the dark into the shade found that a nest (pack? , school?, herd?, swim?) of redbacks had moved in. he was stung to the max, oh yes indeedy

  22. avatar
    syrinx | 23 February 2008 at 9:27 am #

    Wait hold on whoa.

    Did you actually *say* the word dude? Out loud and everything?

  23. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 23 February 2008 at 9:49 am #

    Painful, but brilliant reading Mr K

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2008 at 11:20 am #

    very delicious reading.
    I was just wondering… are there any trees in your back yard? If there are, i’d like to nest in one of them, and wait… and wait… but will you turn up at midnight again? i mean… um… of course… without the towel?


  25. avatar
    isolde | 23 February 2008 at 12:59 pm #

    this morning at the uni of q bookshop, I pulled “music subcultures and the media” course reader off a stack on the top shelf and right on cue “craig obey vs the church” came over the shop sound system

  26. avatar
    fantasticandy | 23 February 2008 at 2:29 pm #

    there are more indiginous ‘nasties’in the antipodies than ant other part of the world, be they two legged, eight legged or tentacled!
    the kilbey family seem to have bumped into more than their fair share of late…..
    hope your’e both feeling a little better now.
    all the best,
    andy L.

  27. avatar
    fantasticandy | 23 February 2008 at 2:30 pm #

    dyslexia strikes again!

  28. avatar
    mandn | 23 February 2008 at 2:39 pm #

    β€œThe artist is a receptacle for the emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider’s web.” – Pablo Picasso

    now Picasso didn’t say anything about a spider’s bite Orpheus, but I bet he would have if it bit him on the ass too.

    how odd that I chose today to have my very own bowl of shredded wheat before settling down to read this. I shall be on the lookout for spiders, sharks and jellyfish on my trek into Brooklyn via Pennsylvania. Did anyone mention snakes?


  29. avatar
    CSTCoach | 23 February 2008 at 2:48 pm #

    Yikes! lucky you didn’t get bit right on the lower unit! imagine the swelling!… oh. nevermind.

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2008 at 3:22 pm #

    as for the paintings… , i still want to believe someday they’ll turn up.


  31. avatar
    the pull of the moon | 23 February 2008 at 3:55 pm #

    funny how i sat
    staring at that
    same moon
    that same light
    last night
    rainbow of colour
    through the clouds
    it was very late
    kids were sleeping and wifey and i are out for
    a “smoke” she says this would be a nice night for a walk in a way that says
    she wished we could do the way we did before we had kids…I grab her hand and we start walking down the driveway and then turn down the side walk
    and she giggles
    how far can we go
    from the house?
    the house
    with our babies
    its like a test
    of parenthood
    and independence
    and dependence
    how long is the
    not out of view
    of the house
    are we two
    we turn and walk
    back on this
    cold clear calm
    winters night


  32. avatar
    davem | 23 February 2008 at 5:41 pm #

    Hero of mine…
    As I await delivery of my Veg bhaji (with extra green chilli) and tarka dhall, can I advise you that in blighty the only sharks sell cars and the last dangerous spiders consisted of Woody, Trevor and Mick.
    Please move here.
    Love you,

  33. avatar
    Bionaut | 23 February 2008 at 6:29 pm #

    Maybe all this will inspire a new set of paintings:
    Self Portrait — Tripping on the Balcony
    Self Portrait — Naked in the Moonlight
    Self Portrait — Towel Spider
    Self Portrait — Necrotic
    Steve & The Party Yobbo

  34. avatar
    JJ | 23 February 2008 at 8:00 pm #

    The Kiss of the Spiderwoman……right on the arse! At least it wasn’t on a more delicate anatomy. Sorry to near of NK’s jellyfish encounter – I hate stinging things, whether wasps, spiders or the ubiquitous fireants we have here in SE USA. Them buggers attack en masse with their formic acid jaws.

    Sounds like “all the yobbos in the sticks” are coming into Bondi for a visit.

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2008 at 11:01 pm #

    One day while visiting the Philippines w/ my gals family, I get out of the shower and I put my casual pants back on, I start feeling this scratching discomfort Im like “what in the hell”, I drop em down and this huge flying roach falls out all dizzylike and Im like oh shit, and I exclaim to one of the nieces and shes like “oh thats Salvador, he stays in the bathroom” Im like Say what! I was a bit thrown off, then I learned hes been part of the family..longer than I, I have to laugh about it, it was really far out… Insects have my respect but boy are they some creaky, abrasive, temperamental characters… jr……..

  36. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 February 2008 at 2:36 am #

    The loss of Steve Irwin from a freakish stingray attack broke my heart. The loss of Steve Kilbey from a spider bite broke my soul. Neither one of the animal lovers would want their fans to harm stingrays or spiders. Kilbey has ascended into Nirvana.

  37. avatar
    eek | 24 February 2008 at 2:45 am #

    Ouch! Hope you are both recovering from the stings/bites.

    I do hope this has taught you a lesson though — next time don’t bother with the towel. πŸ˜‰

    PS gotta love your muse. She always has such great retorts!

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 February 2008 at 4:24 am #

    Console yourself Brien. I am sure he has the power to resurrect. He has probably jinxed himself and been bitten on the arse by a spotted wobbegong!
    Oh and listen to Kings of Leon, Because of the Times, for further consolation, what an amazing cd, particularly no10 The Runner.
    Linda X ps I couldnt even go to work the day after Steve Irwin died, inconsolable! glad people now realise what a passionate conservationist he was! but poor Bindy.

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 February 2008 at 6:23 am #

    how fucking rude!

  40. avatar
    melissa | 24 February 2008 at 9:36 am #

    I like Bionaut’s painting suggestions πŸ™‚ Esp ‘Towel Spider’ – has a good ring to it!

    Hopefully you made it through today unscathed!

    I hope the Vegan Festival went wonderfully well today and any Melby fiends lucky enough to attend had a great time also! Unfortunately I was stuck at work (dammit!) and couldn’t make it .. very sad πŸ™ Looking forward to hearing about it maybe tomorrow πŸ™‚

    All the best


  41. avatar
    persephone2u | 24 February 2008 at 1:37 pm #

    Ditto what eek said above about the towel.

    Seriously though, the only thing that has ever put me off flying to Australia is my fear of spiders. Lizards and snakes are just fine. Jellyfish and sharks, no problem. But put a large spider before me and I’ll run screaming faster than anyone you’ve ever seen before.

    I don’t know why as an adult I fear these horrid things. I spent most of my childhood outdoors in San Diego and once saw a Black Widow up close and personal in my front yard and tarantulas scuttling around the desert like crabs on a beach. It didn’t used to bother me.

    Fast forward to the future and I shiver when I even see a picture of giant spider. Some Aussies tried to calm my fears by telling me to come and visit, that spiders are usually harmless.

    To prove their point, one of them told me how he awoke one morning with one of the most poisonous snakes in the country sitting on his bare chest. He explained how he calmly proceeded to get it off of him and then assured me that it was rare for anyone to see this type of spider even once in their lives.

    But, he felt fit to add, if one was to be bitten by one of these things, you could say bye bye to your flesh. He then proceeded to post a photo of just what happens to your skin in cases like these. Eeeeeeeeek!!!

    Then another kindly soul patiently explained to me that most of the spiders hanging around the house were good ones and got rid of the nasty venemous ones and were to be welcomed.

    This nice person then decided to show me a photo he took of one of these so-called “good” spiders in his kitchen. It was lurking behind his kitchen clock. And it was so bloody giant that its legs were sticking out of the outside of the clock like twigs on a tree. The spider was bigger than the kitchen clock and this was an okay spider in his book. Yikes!!!!! Scary, oh so scary. *shiver*

  42. avatar
    davem | 24 February 2008 at 1:46 pm #

    Hope all is ok SK.

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 February 2008 at 2:39 pm #

    dont know why but i’m in deep concern…. yes, hope all is ok.


  44. avatar
    B Raine | 24 February 2008 at 4:44 pm #

    actually if we were on the moon it’d be a solar eclispse …earth-sun-moon

  45. avatar
    brainyone | 24 February 2008 at 5:12 pm #

    naked laughing at the moom
    oh crazy torched man
    set me on FIRE!

    Powerful Wizzard
    Universal Sign

    You are not #7
    And again
    To end all doubt

    jellyphish said so
    spider said so
    All day said so

    Cover your nakedness
    This idiot was a messenger
    He came twice

    Too close too see?
    Right UP YOUR STEP!!!!!!

    The Universe
    You to listen

    Your Children
    are becoming Linked
    This is Not w/0 Great meaning
    I feel.

    Bow down to
    The power
    That Brings
    in a spiders Sting

    You have vision
    Noone has mirrors
    on all sides

    Spirit guides

  46. avatar
    davem | 24 February 2008 at 5:12 pm #

    Mimesis, start to end.
    What a trip. Made my Sunday.
    Fin…”No-one’s ever fucking heard of you.”
    Disconcerting…and yet affirming.
    Highly recommended when ermmmm “influenced”.

  47. avatar
    B Raine | 24 February 2008 at 5:17 pm #

    why is this eclispse doing this to me

    were in the middele sun earth moon
    so on the moon the earths shadow would block the sun…YES?

  48. avatar
    davem | 24 February 2008 at 6:41 pm #

    Kilbs. It’s interesting to see how far down the rabbit hole one can go..
    Brian Raine….r’ship to Mem is? Mem back to vdu showing…..TTB.
    All things influenced by SK.
    It’s so right that yon Chruch appeared on Donnie Darko!

  49. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 February 2008 at 7:36 pm #

    Another vegan fest for SK. He truly personifies proactive compassion in action. He’s Australia’s MACCA. Just as talented too! Musically he’s more like Lennon and spiritually he’s more like George and MACCA combined.

    It’s warm in Chicago. 36 degrees.

  50. avatar
    Larry | 26 February 2008 at 2:14 pm #

    Invertebrates … always attacking you in the most spineless possible way, eh?

  51. avatar
    Anonymous | 27 February 2008 at 11:28 am #

    musta hurt,but the blog was good in fact that i thought i was going to scream sk!haha!

  52. avatar
    Anonymous | 27 February 2008 at 11:32 am #

    p.s. we love you guys!the best band in the world!

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