posted on May 12, 2008 at 1:38 am

ah i forgot what i was gonna write
i’m sick of being a genius
guess i’ll be an idiot for a while instead
clouds roll across a blue bondi sky
a dismal garage band is out there thumping away
buses grind
distant construction bangs n ‘ammers away
my ears ring
my skin feeling cold and dry…is this old age?
my patience is short
my list of things to do is long
my understanding imperfect
still the bull in a china shop
a fragile bull tho’
a mangy panther
a turkey who wanted to fly
a worm who turned too late
descended from a monkey
who descended from a dino
who descended from a little piece of blechh
in some primordial bloody soup
my life is apparently meaningless
the uni-verse is random
everything is an accident
and then someone else put the boot into tom cruise
who cares what religion he follows…he’s an actor
its a lovely day anyway
but my procrasti-nation wont let me enjoy it
i am my own worst enemy
as it ever was
i shot off my mouth and blue off my foot
what will it all matter when i’m gone
rhymes easy but reason is harder
my grey eyes will stare sightless
nothing will bother me again
people may say this or that
but what can you do
there seems to be a secret i can never discover
give me untouchability
give me your filthy millions
give me a warm spot in the winter sun
i am ready to be greedy
i am ready to accept my reward
i am ready to sell my left kidney
i am ready to cash in my fish n ships
something always troubling me
i am discontinued
i should be returned
everything that used to be now is
i generate words like taps generate drips
i write songs like you write shopping lists
i cooked up a storm and i predicted the weather
i muddle around with this
i see my characteristic shadow on the wall
i should be a retired colonel from MI5
if my parents had stayed in england
my oh my how my life would be different
i blame everything on heroin
i blame everything on western imperialism
i blame everything on my manager
i blame everything on my family
i leave everything to be desired
i leave everything to my dear catfish the albino sucker
i am no time being
i am no writer
i am no one you could ever want to be
gullible naive lazy and slow
a cowardly bully
no gumption
no elbow-grease
no real balls
no real bullets
no real estate neither n thats no joke
i’d answer the phone if it’d talk to me
lunch had me
swim had me
baby hits the ground running and crying
something weakening my position
i blame dope
i blame booze
i blame nescience
i blame ignorance
i blame long stupid unimaginative liszts
of blaming this n that
i blame miss spelling
i blame the liberal party
and the party that went all saturday night on murrivere street
yeah i’m bitter
bitter this bitter that
bitter whatever i fuckin’ fancy
i’m no bing domingo
i’m no gentleman jim
i’m no spring chicken
i am the panther in autumn
a man for some seasons
i am grey eyed blackhearted whiteman
i am not for sale unless the price is right
how far can you throw me
how far can you trust me
how far is it to the sun in inches
where have all the question marks gone?
ah ha theres one!
and a exclamation mark too
mark?
are you reading this
my teachers…where are my marks?
my walls…where are my marks?
my birth…no mark
my water…no mark neither
my bench….ah you can see where this is leading
is that it?
was that a blog?
are you serious?
a further question
how about this?

30 Responses to “load of olde toffee”

  1. avatar
    princey | 12 May 2008 at 4:08 am #

    I know what you mean sk, we all have days like that. Maybe it’s the coming of winter…the dark, cold, (Melbourne) winter blues hits you right in the guts. Yesterday I was looking at brochures in search of an escape… the Greek Islands, Jamaica, Fiji, Nineveh, sometime anywhere, just get me outta here!!!

    Hope everythings ok sk, and u feel better tomorrow.
    Take care and love always,
    Mandy

  2. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 12 May 2008 at 4:18 am #

    What a beautifully written nihilistic ode to…what I don’t know. The seeming meaningless of it all, ha. Seems very existential. Sorry you’re feeling this way. I used to do existential party tricks for fun in my 20’s before the proverbial shit hit the fan with my life. Now it’s not a luxury anymore but a call to arms that despair is setting in.

    Funny, we’re coming into summer here in the USA and yet the weather where I live has been gray and dismal and I’m blaming the weather for my mood. Or you know, whatever. My students, my job, my father’s death, my chronic pain, my lack of will, my lack of patience, my life far too examined…sooooooooooo…I hear you. Hope tomorrow these phantoms leave you be and you’re in a brighter frame of mind.
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

  3. avatar
    linjo | 12 May 2008 at 4:46 am #

    Bit of a flat one for you Steve. But gotta say, I feel f fantastic. Off the ciggies (thanks my little miracle pills Champix), havnt eaten a dead animal for nearly a month (slipping up on the dairy though) and I am exercising and sleeping well. Think I need to find a lover who wont drive me crazy ie do things my way ha ha! Oh addiction is such a mind crippler and a procrastinator, hope I never stick one of the filthy things in my mouth again. Best wishes to all and a lovely happy day, Linda x

  4. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 12 May 2008 at 5:01 am #

    Read Empedocles’ Purifications and it will vindicate you SK. I love your art drawings of primates, our closest living animal relatives.

  5. avatar
    Mark | 12 May 2008 at 5:20 am #

    you talking to me?

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 May 2008 at 5:20 am #

    ps: I see the anonymice are back

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 May 2008 at 6:08 am #

    SK

    That was a great Blog

    DR

  8. avatar
    fantasticandy | 12 May 2008 at 6:52 am #

    i dunno steve…
    even ‘the spanked-bottom girl’
    or whatever her daft blog’s called,
    probably has ‘off’ days.

    a nice line in self-denigration today though!
    ‘a turkey who wanted to fly’
    c’mon, snap out of it manne…
    where’s my bloody mercator projector DVD?
    eh?
    you better not have been telling me fibs………
    ‘you can’t do that..do that..do that..’

  9. avatar
    Lebrinho | 12 May 2008 at 7:02 am #

    Expressing doubt and uncertainty is a gift. Dante wrote: “You never saw how much my foot trembled as I was walking my own path..”

    “Shall we give up to despair without doing a thing ? The only respectable answer is no”.
    – Camus

    I missed the anonymous guys..! Disagreement and chaos can be fruitful.

    “Names are for tombstones, baby”.

    “And Jesus asked him, saying, What is your name? And he said, Legion [Six thousand]: because many devils were entered into him”.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 May 2008 at 8:48 am #

    How the hell did I get back in here? Oh well, seeing as I am: how do you reckon your life would’ve been different if your parents had stayed in England? I’ve read interviews where you’ve vaguely pondered it but changed the subject quickly (“I’d never have met Peter – but then, I’d’ve met someone else”, etc). On the negative side: you missed seeing Bowie with Ronson, Roxy with Eno, Hawkwind with Calvert, Be Bop Deluxe, etc – but on the plus side, at least you never had to endure Thatcher !

  11. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 12 May 2008 at 9:34 am #

    Steve, I don’t know if you ever watch Letterman, Leno or Conan O’Brien? I do on a regular basis, and I am telling you, if you saw and listened to some of the pathetic bands they allow to perform on these shows…I mean, some of them are just BAD. Or just plain obscure (not that that’s necessarily a bad thing). Conan had a swedish band called Dungen performing on his show – in SWEDISH. Surely The Church could get on some of these shows and get some exposure. DO SOMETHING!

  12. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 12 May 2008 at 9:39 am #

    Didn’t mean to sound harsh, Steve.
    Just trying to wave that red peace of cloth in fromt of the
    “fragile bull”.

  13. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 12 May 2008 at 9:40 am #

    Spelling error, I know: PIECE.

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 May 2008 at 10:00 am #

    The endless grey mists, the wind howling mournfully through the passes…the ceaseless, fruitless wandering…wait, no: there! A light in the haze…aieeeeee, tis the gate leading back to the realm of the Time Being! Onward, you hordes of awkward, contrary swine: fuck me, The Anons are back! Got damn dull without us, y’gotta admit.

  15. avatar
    don joe | 12 May 2008 at 11:04 am #

    Hey!…Steve!! Start living again man!! Mope, mope mope…..sheesh!! You’ll end up like matty the way you’re going!! Sorry to be blunt but come on!! The world is YOUR oyster as it is mine and everyone elses!! Use or loose it 🙂

    ML,
    don joe

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 May 2008 at 11:21 am #

    9-/ 🙁 🙂 x. ;pbr.

  17. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 12 May 2008 at 11:28 am #

    you sound like i feel at the moment…married life is well and truly giving me the shits at this point in time, keep your marriage vital and loving because god knows mine isn’t…sorry, you’ve had your gripe and i felt like having mine, i’ll shut up now…
    love always…

  18. avatar
    MEM | 12 May 2008 at 1:03 pm #

    1,2,3… that’s how easy
    it’s gonna be…

  19. avatar
    why volunteer for heartache and hassle? | 12 May 2008 at 1:12 pm #

    Marriage, man, I don’t understand it. How many are happy and successful, really? I’m 46, I’ve never known anyone who had a happy marriage. So why do people get married when the evidence suggests that it won’t work? I don’t understand!

  20. avatar
    matthew | 12 May 2008 at 2:14 pm #

    i dunno, but i got ya Steve, on so many levels there, multiple times… and even “being an idiot” you manage to shine… Hey cheer up, anyway…

  21. avatar
    golden thorn in my paw | 12 May 2008 at 2:37 pm #

    your a fine artist. You don’t need to have people continually telling you that do you ? you have the magic some days it just changes it’s shape. God bless you, thanks for songs like Buffalo, and loisiana. Phone up the dudes from radiohead and say hey, let me open up for you guys

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 May 2008 at 2:57 pm #

    I’m as surprised as anyone that a man of the artistic calibre, depth n breadth of Steve fuckin Kilbey would need reassurance regarding his abilities. But then, several times in past blogs, Steve himself has indicated that he does need such validation. Remember the time he described the drive back home from a gig, where he pressed NK to tell him what she felt about all aspects of the show and whether he’d been any good or not? When faced with such stunning imagination and creativity it seems inconceivable to a non-creative drone like myself that Renaissance men of Steve’s calibre (said he trying not to suck ass too hard…) need validation too – but I guess thay must!

  23. avatar
    Ross B | 12 May 2008 at 3:24 pm #

    Hey Anon 6:48,

    We’ve had to endure howard for almost 12 years, that’s arguably worse!

    Other than that paintings are stunning and I look forward to buying a print sometime soon! – I love the colours and imagery. I had a grumbly sort of day myself but have cheered up, have had a good night out. Sometimes one’s nose feels out of place and it’s just a matter of riding it out, it usually clears in a day or two.

    Wishing everyone well, kind regards r.

  24. avatar
    markobears | 12 May 2008 at 4:03 pm #

    Well Steve i’m glad you aint no sociopath. Seems like many love themself way to much.
    http://media.www.dailynebraskan.com/media/storage/paper857/news/2007/03/09/News/Study.Finds.College.Students.Most.Narcissistic.Generation-2769754.shtml

  25. avatar
    A.M. Polydora | 12 May 2008 at 6:02 pm #

    I’m sure you’ve already read this one before. Your blog, today, immediately called this one to mind.

    The Panther

    His vision, from the constantly passing bars,
    has grown so weary that it cannot hold
    anything else. It seems to him there are
    a thousand bars, and behind the bars, no world.

    As he paces in cramped circles, over and over,
    the movement of his powerful soft strides
    is like a ritual dance around a center
    in which a mighty will stands paralyzed.

    Only at times, the curtain of the pupils
    lifts, quietly. An image enters in,
    rushes down through the tense, arrested muscles,
    plunges into the heart and is gone.

    — Rainer Maria Rilke

  26. avatar
    davem | 12 May 2008 at 7:28 pm #

    But above all else SK, you’re a genius…
    xx

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 May 2008 at 8:34 pm #

    Hi Steve…

    I’m just another Mark in
    the great blog of everything
    Kilbey.
    Been here the whole time though.
    Through the brilliance and the
    occasional off day.
    The off days are few and far
    between…but today might qualify.
    I agree with one point…
    you are indeed your own worst
    enemy.
    I sincerely hope that you are able
    to sit back and reflect on the
    tremendous pleasure that you have
    given a whole lot of people.
    Tomorrow will be a gem.
    I can feel it.

    Peace,
    Mark
    Tampa, Fl

  28. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 12 May 2008 at 9:27 pm #

    Bowie vocal inflections permeate throughout the BOX Of Birds CD. Nothing wrong with that. I guess a bit of Bowie and Bolan have been incorporated into Sk’s multi-faceted sound and voice. It’s MWP that has the Gilmour sound (Fly Away).

    Brien Comerford
    For
    Boris Johnson?

  29. avatar
    knot | 12 May 2008 at 10:27 pm #

    i have been very i’ll
    what happened?
    video one
    power
    all gone

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 May 2008 at 9:28 am #

    lucky we’re all genii around ear zen eh steven,elsie we’d have ner idea what on earth ud be talkin’ a bout! ;-D xo


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