posted on January 12, 2009 at 8:34 pm

deer people
i feel uninspired
i feel tired
i feel old
i feel achy
i feel stupid
i feel useless
i feel decisionless
i feel precisionless
i feel like misspelling words if i want to
the red lines of the spell checkah
infuriate me
i feel so nihilistic
i feel like giving up
i feel like swearing
i feel like chucking in the towel
hot muggy morning in n bondi
i struggle but get nothing done
i procrastinate about procrastinating
i see myself in the mirror n i wanna be someone else
someone young n anonymous
someone who doesnt feel everything
some one just drifting along pleasantly
someone not taking it all on
someone happy someone good
a weird itchy rash on my arm
i want to rip it to pieces
i hear things that frustrate me
i read things that bewilder me
i do things that never see fruition
i lose god in my heart
an empty chamber where he was once in residence
i stumble around oblivious
i turn up for stupid things
i avoid the real fight
i make myself promises promises
i dont get my tooth fixed
i dont get my gmail fixed
i dont read n respond to all the mail
i dont get my room cleaned up
i dont get more n more paintings painted
i plot greatness
i achieve little
let me hate myself for godssake
let me truly quantify my loathing
for my evil twin sk
hanging about and ruining things
as per fucking usual
yeah
imagine it
thinking your the bees knees
thinking your the pits
simultaneously
i’m painting a guy
can i get his nose right?
no!
i’m writing a song
can i get the words right?
no!
this exercise was sposed to pacify me
but its just geeing me up even more
ok
i’m gonna do some yoga instead n hit ye olde pool
blather blather
i see the idjit is back on the comms
a pale shadow of his former self
please continue to ignore
ok
now
carryon!

53 Responses to “long division”

  1. avatar
    kat | 12 January 2009 at 9:28 pm #

    know what ya mean, sk i feel like everything & nothing too. no one knows, really. oHio= oLOWo in many ways right now. stupid money. guess i ought to ditch the xmas tree by now. but bro says we can keep it all year. lol

    carry on my wayward sons – kansas

    sorry, i cannot stand this band for the most part, so i don't know why i quoted this

    hey hey cripple creek ferry, now thats more appropo for the motley two here

  2. avatar
    seoigh | 12 January 2009 at 9:46 pm #

    Lot’s of that going around, sad to say. Probably just a re-balancing of endorphins in the post-holiday period. You aren’t jacked up on food, drink and general mirth. There’s all sorts of confused neuro-receptors asking, “hey, what happened to all the good stuff?” Grind on. You’ll be back in form soon enough.

  3. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 12 January 2009 at 9:51 pm #

    also the weather doesn’t help, all’s ya gotta do is think about doing something and you end up sweating like buggery…as for your rash, perhaps some salt water would do it good and some sorbeline cream or something like that….
    love always….
    your aunty H H

  4. avatar
    captain mission | 12 January 2009 at 10:37 pm #

    hey mr. kilbey 🙂
    the ocean will help, catch a wave or two, just let it all go and enjoy the moment.

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 January 2009 at 11:08 pm #

    Hey Steve!
    It doesn’t matter where in the world we all are, i think a lot of people are feeling a little down. Maybe its the economy.
    Stay positive and love all the time (being) you have.
    I wish you well spacerocker.
    -Allen
    Galveston TX

  6. avatar
    fantasticandy | 12 January 2009 at 11:29 pm #

    iv’e felt that way fo a couple of weeks………..
    like i’ll never compose again.
    it’s b.s. though!
    i’ll recover.
    and so shall you nevets………

  7. avatar
    veleska1970 | 13 January 2009 at 12:17 am #

    a lot of people are experiencing a downer right now. keep your chin up. also continue with your yoga and swimming and you’ll feel better.

    lotza love…..

  8. avatar
    Freddie | 13 January 2009 at 12:26 am #

    Steve,

    Oh no.
    I know you know this but I’ll say it to remind you
    (and myself too)
    Joy/peace comes from within, not from without.
    God is still in there, just waiting for your attention.
    And stop obsessing about being old.
    We’re all getting old; I’m friggin’ 41!
    Remember, every age has its rewards.
    That gray in your beard and those lines on your face,
    they’re signs of wisdom.
    xo
    Freddie

    Ps..go see doctor about the rash, sounds like it’s getting’ worse.

  9. avatar
    MEM | 13 January 2009 at 1:21 am #


    sounds like
    the right path

    mem

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 January 2009 at 1:23 am #

    Are you allowed to talk like that?

  11. avatar
    lily was here | 13 January 2009 at 1:37 am #

    http://www.cnn.com/2009/TRAVEL/01/12/queensland.australia.hamilton.island/index.html

    maybe you need a sea change, this would be so perfect for you – if I dont beat you to it! 🙂 Just as long as you get time off for gigs

    love xoxox

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 January 2009 at 1:49 am #

    SK

    You will get through this stay positive !!

    DR

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 January 2009 at 3:34 am #

    Hi Steve and others,
    The ups and downs are regular as waves. I like to clean out a closet, literally. Went through some old pictures and saw one of my wife from 10 years ago. Damn I’m married to that hot woman! I thought. Makes me happy even a day later…

    Listening to Shriek and reading the book, I love the part where Duncan steps out of the carriage and onto the streets of the city…the POSSIBILITY!!!!

    Cheers,
    Dan

  14. avatar
    melissa | 13 January 2009 at 5:25 am #

    i agree with Freddie 🙂

    hope you feel a little better after yoga and a swim!

    xx

  15. avatar
    Richard | 13 January 2009 at 6:48 am #

    wish I could speak so eloquently about feeling shithouse

    (self-evidently I can’t)

  16. avatar
    davem | 13 January 2009 at 7:20 am #

    Sorry you’re on a bit of a downer SK. I can only offer you my loyalty, support and humble admiration.
    xx

  17. avatar
    ross b | 13 January 2009 at 7:21 am #

    I hope you came to feel better as the day progressed, it’s been a perfect day out there. Better to be out and about than stuck inside a library chucking out old boxes and fuckin’ about on facebook!

    Listening: Endless Summer (Beach Boys, 1974)

    all my stuff is in a mess generally but it’s come to the point where i don’t care anymore, except for the cockroaches they attract, other than that it’s a pile-to-pile existence.

    Wishing you well, rb

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 January 2009 at 8:10 am #

    I feel you man.

    B.Bon

  19. avatar
    linjo | 13 January 2009 at 9:39 am #

    Fairy Godmother, come and pick me up, take me to a peaceful place to purge me of addiction, procrastination, lethargy, melancholy. Whilst I am there, please pay my bills, look after my child, feed my animals, water my plants etc. When I come back, I will be firing on all fours, totally focused on what I want to be and do in life. I will set goals and aspire to reach them within a set time. I will be content then. Linda xxx

  20. avatar
    timetunnel | 13 January 2009 at 9:53 am #

    GMail is not working again? Damn it, damn Google. I’m not on a Mac, but let’s see … (rummaging the net …) … hm … ok, some people seem to have solved it by using a browser called “Opera” (which is a pretty good one and easy to use).

    So, try this: download “Opera” for your Mac from http://www.opera.com/browser/download/?os=mac&ver=9.63&local=y and install it. Then start it and try your GMail account at https://mail.google.com/.

    Hope it works and makes you feel a little better. If it doens’t work, let me know, there’s another thing one could do…
    Jens aka Hjalte

  21. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 13 January 2009 at 10:20 am #

    Opera sucks. After about 3 days you have to wait ages whilst it slowly uploads everything you’ve browsed on it in previous days along the top below the address bar. That’s my experience with it anyway.

  22. avatar
    eek | 13 January 2009 at 10:48 am #

    I hate days — and weeks, months, years, decades — such as you describe. Hope your funk subsides soon and you feel as creative and vibrant and special as I know you are.

  23. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 13 January 2009 at 11:05 am #

    I could’ve written this blog. Must be something going around for sure. Sometimes I think these moods have lives of their own. Last weekend I was mired in such despair and I literally had to tell myself over and over, “It’s not me. It’s not me. It’s just chemicals.”

    This too shall pass.
    Hang in – if all else fails, just accept where you are, but always know you will feel energized and creative and happy again.
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

  24. avatar
    timetunnel | 13 January 2009 at 11:08 am #

    @Paul: I suppose you mean “reloads” instead of “uploads”? Just go to the preferences of Opera, and in the tab “General” set “Startup” to the value “Start with a blank page”. And make sure you don’t add any pages to the so-called “Speed dial”. After that Opera will start without reloading anything and it won’t “suck” anymore. 😉

  25. avatar
    Freddie | 13 January 2009 at 11:14 am #

    We have a Mac with Safari and my husband uses gmail with no problem.
    If you’re using Safari, try checking to see if you have the latest version.
    Seems they’re always updating it and if you get behind on a few updates
    that could possibly begin to mess with your web pages.

  26. avatar
    catchow | 13 January 2009 at 12:25 pm #

    why are you so down,steve?
    a fantastic guy like you should never have the blues…never mind,we are all there to cheer you up!

  27. avatar
    Alison in TX | 13 January 2009 at 12:33 pm #

    SK, I read this story and I thought of you. You should apply for this “job” heck it’s easy money! See link below for the story on Yahoo this morning:

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090113/od_afp/lifestyleaustraliatourismoffbeat_20090113032028

  28. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 13 January 2009 at 1:13 pm #

    “Help me lord, please
    to rise above this dealing
    Help me lord, please
    to love you with more feeling

    At both ends of the road
    To the left and the right
    Above and below us
    Out and in, there’s no place that you’re not in
    Oh, won’t you hear me lord”

    “Hear Me Lord” – George Harrison

  29. avatar
    matthew | 13 January 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    Amen, Thomas. 🙂 Nice choice of words.

  30. avatar
    John Garratt | 13 January 2009 at 2:28 pm #

    Not to reduce your frustrations…but at least you experience rebounds. It can be much worse. I remember feeling like that for years at a time.

    Kat – What part of Ohio? Eek and I are in a town named after a song on “Heyday.”

    Oh, and Mr. SK, how much honey do you put in your green tea? How many table spoons per cup would you say?

    John Garratt

  31. avatar
    daveoto | 13 January 2009 at 3:13 pm #

    OK: new to this responding to blogge thing, though do occasionally drift in & out of "ye old blogge" & am a great admirer of yerself & yer works & have been encouraged to comment by matey davem. Random thoughts: january is always a bummer of a month BUT here in old blighty it's a LOT worse, grey & very cold. Ups & Downs. sideways as well. such a short time on this lonely planet BUT made much more rewarding by you & your music. gain strength from this. YOU have inspired many people in this age of war & technology with beautiful sounds & long may you continue.

  32. avatar
    kat | 13 January 2009 at 3:17 pm #

    jg,

    i'm in cincinnati. there is no real wkrp. yahoo says that middletown is one of the fastest dying towns in america. how inspiring. met eek last summer in yellow springs, which was very nice. columbus is a cool town, no? of course it was cool last time i went there, it was for a who concert!

    winter is my least favorite season. they predict a high of zero for thursday.

    hope you feel better, sk & everyone.

  33. avatar
    serge | 13 January 2009 at 3:24 pm #

    Kat,

    Oh, phoney…
    Off, honey!!!

  34. avatar
    A.M. | 13 January 2009 at 3:35 pm #

    Made my eyes wet–crying for myself… just crying for myself.

    Not sure what to say. To say I sympathize, to confide that I say all the same things about myself to myself seems trite. Really, so I understand. So what?

    From a chat I was having with a friend yesterday:

    me: It’s an old story. I’m not the only one. I mean, it’s the human condition. Some of us get there, some of us don’t. And I’ll die trying. It’s all I can do.
    Barnacle: I’ve been there. I’ve been down too. And I’m just now getting it going at age 54!
    me: Thank god. Some of us have to win! Or there’s really no hope.
    ——
    Maybe you and I and others will lose. Maybe. What I do know is that we touch and inspire and impact others, some of who will make it, prosper and proliferate the magic and keep ‘god’ in their hearts and love and all that other good stuff. Underneath it all, we’re there right with ’em, just a less visible part of the wave is all, for now at least.

  35. avatar
    kat | 13 January 2009 at 3:53 pm #

    serge,

    get a grip, jeckyll. yeah i am a real phoney. thats what everyone says anyway. keep sitting around and thinking of ways to assume & stir without knowing a damn thing. host your own talk show, but make sure you get an interpreter first. no, you should be a guest! you would be great on jerry springer.

  36. avatar
    Davide | 13 January 2009 at 4:15 pm #

    Hey Steve,
    everything you achieved remains there. I mean touching people’s hearts and minds. Lots of love from Italy

    Davide

  37. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 13 January 2009 at 4:35 pm #

    And from Kilbey’s favourite album, Matthew.
    I love All Things Must Pass, too, and that particular song is my favourite off the album.

  38. avatar
    John Garratt | 13 January 2009 at 4:40 pm #

    Kat, Columbus is no better or worse than any other midwestern city, I suppose. If you saw the Who in 2006 in an arena, I was there too.

    The first and fourth times I saw the Church were in Cincinnati! First at Bogart’s, then the 20th Century Theater.

    Yellow Springs is more interesting. I have photos of me carrying my baby around, making friends with hippies, buying stuff at the street fair.

    As of 11:39 a.m., on 1/13, snowfall is getting thick. That would explain O-LOW-O, that and the constant grey.

    John Garratt

  39. avatar
    davem | 13 January 2009 at 4:42 pm #

    Hiya Dave!!

  40. avatar
    Melquiades | 13 January 2009 at 5:40 pm #

    a little yoga and the pool. sounds like what the doctor ordered. A walk in the woods, barefoot is a good thing

  41. avatar
    fantasticandy | 13 January 2009 at 5:57 pm #

    daveoto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    you finally took the plunge….
    ’twas nice meeting ya at the only ones gig too!

  42. avatar
    m.p.k. | 13 January 2009 at 6:06 pm #

    Funny I feel the same way and I’m 19 years younger than you, thinking about what it felt like to feel 20 instead of 35. Down to the weird rash. I have it too. I have no consoling words to offer. Only shared bewilderment.

  43. avatar
    jax | 13 January 2009 at 6:07 pm #

    *things I do when down
    drive in a fast car
    read Murakami
    run outside on the fire roads
    swim
    make love
    play guitars
    laugh
    cry

  44. avatar
    m.p.k. | 13 January 2009 at 6:09 pm #

    Actually, now remembering being 20, I remember wishing I was 16 when I was 20. It’s kinda funny remembering that and thinking I was old at 20. I wonder if we ever learn.

  45. avatar
    m.p.k. | 13 January 2009 at 6:16 pm #

    What I’d really like to do is let the wreckage continue to see if I emerge out the other end. And if not I’ll enjoy the ride wherever it goes. Responsibility is what holds me back for now. The choices I’ve made that I now have to live with until they are played out. It will have to suffice for now that I not take on any new ones.

  46. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 13 January 2009 at 6:47 pm #

    The World Is Full Of Crashing Bores And Steve KIlbey is not one of them.

  47. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 13 January 2009 at 7:42 pm #

    Are we passing through some magnetic field of the sun that’s causing this. I feel quite the same. Let’s protest existence and just stop trying en masse.

    M. Nowt. Interested

  48. avatar
    John Garratt | 13 January 2009 at 8:12 pm #

    Right Brien!

    No “thick pigshit” on this blog. Don’t forget, on an off day, it rates as “Genius.”

    John Garratt

  49. avatar
    pennybridge | 13 January 2009 at 8:21 pm #

    Just sad to see you’re feeling so down.
    I come to think of all your songs that makes life worth living.
    Here´s my Church feel-good top 3:
    1. Easy
    2. Metropolis
    3. Already yesterday

    A new day, a new life.
    I wish you the best!

  50. avatar
    steve kilbey | 13 January 2009 at 8:49 pm #

    oh my dearest friends n fiendss
    thank you for your lovely reaffirmations and exhortations
    i have happy tears in my sentimental olde eyes
    i will damn well cheer up
    and i will continue to do my best for you
    it is an honour to write for you each day
    and,
    freddie…….you have a husband?
    shoulda looked at yer pic closer…
    love to all ohians!
    sk

  51. avatar
    Freddie | 13 January 2009 at 9:46 pm #

    Yep I’m married.
    He doesn’t read TTB my brother-in-law does 🙂
    We gotta get JOHN out in the open.
    He’s been a fan since the beginning of time.
    I’m glad you’re in a better mood
    You got a lot of friends & fiends who really do care
    You are a blessed one indeed!
    xo
    Freddie

  52. avatar
    CSTCoach | 13 January 2009 at 10:19 pm #

    sk,

    tried to post earlier but the blog ate it.

    glad to hear you’re back in form. i hate those kinda days, where you poke around at stuff but nothin ever gets done, and it feels like it never will.

    they seem to happen just when the subconscious is crunching things out there in the back of beyond. just before a new burst of creativity.

    you’ll be back in flow in no time.

    after all, i look up to you not only as a writer, but as someone who has always forged their own way, unapologetically, whether people seemed to care or not, staying true to the muse no matter what’s making news. I respect that.

  53. avatar
    Greg Guevara | 15 January 2009 at 2:33 am #

    Shant ignore, as always you continue to inspire… even when you’re uninspired. Hang on, don’t despair, we’re in the boat with you captain, and drinks are served.


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