posted on August 9, 2007 at 2:39 am

sadness and sorrow hound me
that is the way of mortal men doomed to die
all i need is acceptance of this
i need to accept that is how it is
i was living next door to a building site
it was a noisy hell plus all the tradesmen had radios blasting
there were machines and trucks delivering and people shouting
there were hammers hammerin’
there were drills drillin’
there were builders buildin’
there were demolishers tearin’ it all down
i went to a spiritual advisor
and i said
i wanna love god
i wanna do my yoga
i wanna be serene and calm
but the noise is poisoning me
he said
steve, accept it….
oh that made me angry i can tell you
i went home
accept it!
i get home
its all going on in spades
the awful racket of the 21st century
attacking my damaged ears
and my frazzled nerves
like a thousand tiny darts
stabbing me in places i didnt know anything could reach
shrieking wailing clashing din of metals n stone
and then a small rebellious part of me said
lets try the gurus advice…
the rest of me goes
lets accept it
now acceptance is not easy
acceptance is one of those things that looks easy
but like a load of other qualities and deeds
its beyond your mere willpower
you think i dont have a bit of willpower?
its no good saying to your self
i must accept
because in commanding it
demanding it of your self
you are negating it
the acceptance must come
you must surrender to the acceptance
you have to lay down your “beef” with the thing you cant accept
its no good saying
ok i accept this racket
but i will go on vividly actively hating it
there can be no buts
you hope that acceptance will come
i was lucky
i was able to eventually manifest some decent acceptance
the disgusting racket went on n on for months
it would have killed me otherwise
but i accepted it
i did not (uselessly) resist it
i gave in
after all there was nothing i could do
i could hate it all i liked
but it wouldnt stop it
i could bore everyone i knew
with descriptions of how awful it was
(and it was!)(and i did!)
but it didnt go away
then one day
there i am
in my kitchen
which used to overlook a pair of rambling cottages
with vege gardens and birdies singing n flowers
you know
all those stupid things your hero loves
now it was a pit of mud and trusses and
blokes having arguments in foreign languages
and triple mmm playing acka dacka n doof doof doof
gurlie schmaltz n macho small-penised angst
eg nickelbach
you know
all the wonderful things your hero hates
and i could hardly hear the conversation
i was having on the phone
probably with tim powles who sometimes loves a chat
and guess what?
i realise im not angry
i realise im not fuming furious
im just accepting it
it took a little while
but (its all so simple, isnt it?)
i was accepting it
oh what a relief
of course i endured another 7 months of noise
before the orrible blocka flats was finished
and then guess what
6 weeks after that
i had to move out
cos the owners wanted to move back in…
we moved to another place
and then there was a dodgy panel beaters
going day and fucking night
all kinds of loud awful noises
and the perpetual radio belting out the slop
then i had to try n accept that all over again
now i live in a relatively quiet spot
but things just keep happening
exactly as they happen to everyone else
people keep upsetting my fragile balance
what i think is fair
intruding on my hard won semi-serenity
ive had my battles
ive argued
ive deceived
ive struck
and been struck
ive carried on like a right ratbag
and i was squashed deep into the carpet
and its taken a long time to claw back some “normality”
now i must accept that all this
my age
my occupation
my trying hard
my new leaf which is still turned over
means nothing to people
who just being people
disturb the calm waters of my life
with continual trouble
that i never needed to have
i say why lord why?
but i really know the answer
the saint who is no saint
must bend further n further in the wind
the wind of outrageous fortune
just as i am coaxing my body to become more n more supple
(despite the years which are trying to achieve the opposite)
i must coax my mind and spirit
accept all this
accept the doubts n doubters
accept the accusations and animosity
but i strike out
over n over n over
and in striking out
i create new turmoil
and the ripples race out into the confusion that is humanity
now i aint talking about comments here
or only in a tiny way
i am ready to live transparently
im honest
im trying to be understanding
im trying to be reasonable
trying to suffer the slings n arrows
envy is a killer
i see such n such is doing the blah blah
and i get envy in the pit of my guts that burns me
this morning a few offhand remarks n my rejoinders
raised my fiery anger to such a heat
that it consumed me
i had to crawl back into bed
i had exhausted myself
i cannot accept that people are people
people say stupid things
i know i do
i write stupid things too
but i need to accept
life is not perfect here
we gotta be thick skinned and soft hearted
you gotta be able to accept the bouquets n brickbats
insults and flattery should not swerve me
this is earth
this aint heaven
bad mad sad things are bound to happen
all the time
any peaceful still time you can get is a miracle
a bonus
an extra
dont expect a smooth run
people will always impinge and infringe
they will disturb and perturb
theyll call ya a liar when youre telling the truth
and thats hard to swallow
but i must not become so angry
it is destroying me
i cant afford to lose so much energy
in one inferno of wrath such as today
i write this blog today
to externalise these thoughts
to actually put them into words
to give my willingness to accept more ooomph
i feel im being tested and im gonna pass the test
i will never get anywhere
if mere stupid words make me lose control
dear reader
can make of this what you will
if anything in here appeals to you
use it by all means
this has been my experience
this is not aimed at any commenters
believe me

81 Responses to “man of sorrows”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 3:54 am #


    Just a waisted post to say thanks for doing the blog, always enjoy the read.



  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 4:05 am #

    acceptance should be morphed into a word like……”adaptation”…peace,and much love,as always,genx xxxxx ooooo xo{just for good measure}xo!

  3. avatar
    x | 9 August 2007 at 4:07 am #

    accept the things you can’t change
    but never settle for mediocrity

  4. avatar
    Richard | 9 August 2007 at 4:16 am #

    maybe the word is grace

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 4:16 am #

    X…yes!..DITTO! xxA x

  6. avatar
    live by the sword die by the sword | 9 August 2007 at 4:16 am #

    would bono just knuckle under to acceptance? … the difference between the irish and the english is the difference between the persecuted and the persecutors. aha!

  7. avatar
    Thelonious | 9 August 2007 at 4:42 am #

    SK, Great blog today. I think you really captured the essence of the struggle of life, neverending, bleak, dark. At times you don’t know how you will carry on but you know you will. But everynow & then out of the shit will come a great moment of beauty or serenity that seems to make everything seem ok again even though the moment may be fleeting. I think like you that accepteance is the key even though this itself causes further angst. Thank you for the thoughts,

  8. avatar
    JUNIOR PAINKILLER | 9 August 2007 at 4:48 am #

    me know me and you haven’t been on me same page lately, but believe me when me say this, you are me one true love…

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 5:13 am #

    yet another excellent passage! I do everything in my power to shield the noise- put on some soft or loud music, headphones, lock the door so people don’t barge into my studios, etc, etc. I’m surely not one of those architects who is also a building contractor… I love to draw and design so my surroundings better make like a library!! And I mean it this time!

    HA. I used to love when people came into my art and architecture studios WHILE I worked (sorta). Now, it’s just too distracting- I have to have total concentration and peace. I love to take breaks and talk about projects with others….admire some things.

    I really want to talk about yesterdays’ ‘residue of thought’.
    The color of music…I’ve seen that study graphically- it’s interesting and I kind of compare it to Sir Isaac Newton’s studies of color- the prismatic separation of light during angle of incidence. So, what would an atmospheric landscape sound like? What color are the sounds that receed in space?

    The other thing was about painting while you’re on something vs. off of something just to see how your expression compares. And…

    Love is the only thing you take with you when you die.

    The way to rid an enemy is make it your friend.

    AA in CA

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 5:23 am #

    never mind all this. sk, you going to see the cure?

  11. avatar
    the dean | 9 August 2007 at 5:25 am #

    pointless frustrating anger is a curse. I have reached a similar impasse – to be a cranky old groat or a blessing to those around you. It’s hard to give it up but we all got to try.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 5:43 am #

    Hi sk, I hope everything’s sorted out with whoever upset you today, words can be so hurtful sometimes. Who said “Life wasn’t meant to be easy (baybee)”,they were right damn it!
    Love from Greek girl.

  13. avatar
    Leelinau | 9 August 2007 at 5:48 am #

    I am grateful just to be
    back online
    reading your words
    and pondering

    system error:::::


  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 6:21 am #

    AA in CA….I hear an atmospheric landscape as…the lowest resonance of the largest gong,harmonised,only slightly by a cello,and the deep drone of an ecstatic,enormous,thunderous voiced god,climaxing{in it’s many pitched voices} with a pickled onion in it’s mouth,and a trickle of little bells…..I see the sound of receeding space as…metallic electric purple and blue ivy swirling wildly,and hot tomato red “florentine”spirals.I see brushed silver flecks,and chards of tarnished copper and gold,and stark,straight lime streaks….It’s amazing what you can see,and hear,when you’re in my head…sometimes I try to imagine a child’s party hat,with all of it’s swirls of{ metallic} vivid or pastel rainbow,and the colours of satin ribbons…love to you,and hey,take the time to marvel at something visually beautiful for me..tell whatever it may be,that I know that it is there.I believe,that it is there!…love,genx xxx

  15. avatar
    eek | 9 August 2007 at 6:48 am #

    Sounds as if you are having a really shitty day (or several days). Hope it gets better.

    I have days where I’m able to cope with pretty much anything thrown my way. Then I have days where even the smallest things infuriate me and I swear I could literally rip the face off (with my bare hands — and I’d enjoy it!) any hapless soul who happens to cross my path. But those days are at best unproductive and exhausting, so I try to at least control my reaction to the irritants. Sometimes just doing that actually does help change my mood for the better.

    (Besides, I’d look hideous in a jumpsuit and orange is so not my colour…. 😉 )

  16. avatar
    kat | 9 August 2007 at 7:05 am #

    i joke with the girls about being an A.W.W. (angry white woman) sometimes, but in all reality, you are right on target with the initial reaction to acceptance. somehow, in my mind, i think it means i have to change. oh no! change?! not fair! after i process and calm down, how this affects ME, i can deal a little better… but acceptance is damn hard in many situtations, especially according to who and what you are dealing with. if i don’t feel some people accept me for who i am, it messes with my head… and acceptance to/for them bullshit.

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 7:32 am #

    genx that was fucking fantastic! You are hot girl!

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 7:36 am #

    the worst angry remarks and rejoinders , occur , at ,or close to home , things we say to those closest to us can , in my experience have a deeply reverse effect and leave more than residual self loathing

    youre spot on bout the argy bargy being a lose lose situation
    love is the only thing left
    steve kilbey

    i know weve all done and seen , and yes , some more than others ,
    but walk a mile in my shoes and then after forty long , hard , years to have reached a state of contentment , not through acceptance or having settled but to just arrive at it as if by , yes , providence ,well it levels me to the ground , rips sobs from my gut and swells outta my eyes

    and fills me with love

    calling downbz

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 7:46 am #

    For any ailment, Robert Smith is the Cure.

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 8:06 am #

    yes, being sound-harrassed can be excrutiating – I was plagued by the sound of another workers tiny bell on her bracelet – I asked my colleagues who sit next to me how they felt about it but none of them could hear it!; to me it was unbearably loud and really really irritating – i prayed for tolerance, i plugged the headphones in, i tried so hard not to be bugged but i was; and was about to go to her quietly and tell her about my little problem, or even leave the job (seriously, quit this job because of sound problems haha!)- when they announced a desk move.

    sweet relief! silence, sweet sweet silence – is like water when you’re parched;
    and there’s so little of it around these days

    hi all, hi Steve; I’m in transit and no home internet or email connection –

    thanks SK


  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 8:27 am #

    Some researchers claim that low noise tolerance is related to musicality.


  22. avatar
    12str | 9 August 2007 at 8:36 am #

    anger management in overdrive…

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 8:41 am #

    you can share my umbrella,any and every day!xxx…/CW

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 9:18 am #

    good read mr k – thanks

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 9:29 am #

    CONDITIONING, my pet.
    Think about that poor soul sleeping with – a one man orchestra – a multi-instrumentalist playing the four (hour long) movements of the mucuspittle symphony featuring a very long winded nasal passage accompanied by a base (bass)throat solo which crescendoes as the gnashing teeth grind to a stop against a two-lipped tremolo. Muscus heaven, I tell you. Open your senses to a whale (or should that be wail?) of a time!

  26. avatar
    zebob | 9 August 2007 at 9:45 am #

    My daughter drives me to distraction when I am reading to her at night. She’ll make a small noise with her mouth or nibble on an end of her hair. I have to stop, count to 5, look at her and ask, “Can you stop that, please?”
    She’ll grin sheepishly and stop for a moment. Then 5 minutes later …
    I feel like the Grinch at times, then I tell myself to chill out. They’re just kids. Relax. Then I do. Until the next day.

  27. avatar
    veleska1970 | 9 August 2007 at 10:16 am #

    i believe you.

    acceptance is hard to achieve when you are continually being held down under the water~~it makes for a lot of anger and resentment, without a doubt. but on the other hand, all that negative energy does is just aid and abet those hands that are holding you down. it’s a constant and never ending struggle to just “let it go”. some days are a lot easier than others. some days it’s fucking impossible (almost).

    i hope you are feeling better soon, steve. i’m sending oodles of hugs and good vibes your way.

    lotza love…..

  28. avatar
    eek | 9 August 2007 at 10:22 am #

    Kitty Kat — Years ago a couple of my co-workers were having a little chat near my desk (it was an open office, so there weren’t high partitions). My boss came over and told them they would have to take their conversation elsewhere because it was bothering me! It wasn’t — I hadn’t even noticed it. Apparently it was driving him absolutely bonkers, but he didn’t want to say that. The wild thing was when he got talking the whole damned area could hear him! Anyway we had a good laugh when he walked off. 🙂

    I’ve always been very good at tuning out stuff at school, work, pretty much anywhere (one of the benefits of growing up in my family 😉 ), except when I’m trying to get to sleep. Sometimes the sounds — even in a very quite house — will drive me out of my skull. I keep a portable cd player with headphones and a small selection of cds handy for those occasions. There have been many years where I have been unable to sleep without it.

  29. avatar
    sound and mood of color | 9 August 2007 at 10:42 am #

    Thank you genx, for your praise and interests in color vs. sound- you have that special keen sense to them! I’ll try to relate this next description to moods in keeping it more relevant. I hope Steve will enjoy as well.

    The color scale for atmospheric landscapes is Blue Red Green (BRG) with Black and White (BW) mixed from back to front. Choose your tone from the mix of all these for a mood you want to convey.

    The color scale for portraits & still lifes is the reverse with darkness in the background.

    I could yammer on and on about the beauty of color and sound. White noise and the mood it inflicts is today’s topic though…the emotional outbursts and migranes. oh the pain, the drama- god make it stop!!!! Again, a 60’s or early 70’s song comes to mind- this angered and improved little number:


    How I wish I could give credit to the artist who made that brilliant thing- but I can’t remember now. Perhaps someone here knows?

    Love and empathies to all,

    AA in CA

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 10:46 am #

    eek….sounds as though your family was as rowdy as mine!My folks were pretty rowdy,but my 2 older sisters took the cake!I am the quiet,placid one of the bunch… mum likes to tell the story of many nights that she would come looking for me as an afterthought,in the racket{as I was quite young,and terribly quiet},only to find that I’d gotten myself a piece of fruit,and taken myself off to bed,and was fast asleep with my PJ’s on back to front and inside out…..I suppose,at that young age,I accepted that,the best way to accept something,was to adapt,and fend for yourself…Ah!the halcion daze!…love,genx xx

  31. avatar
    oops, a little complicated | 9 August 2007 at 10:52 am #

    Ack! I made a mistake! I can’t believe it! That should be from White in the back ground to Black in the front for atmospheric perspectives. From Black backgrounds to White for portraits.

    AA in CA

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 11:03 am #

    What is “a spiritual advisor” ?

    “..Sacrifice a goat and the noise will stop bothering you”.

    “Your karma brought you the construction site. You must purify yourself”.

    “The ancestors are angry. They make the noise”.

  33. avatar
    sharka | 9 August 2007 at 11:18 am #

    I embrace anger, particularly road rage. Being pissed off is good, when you are aware with it and can laugh about it after!

    If you don’t hurt anyone with your rage it is a step in the right direction, leading to a time when all troubles are treated lightly and fall away like water off a ducks back!

  34. avatar
    daniel12 | 9 August 2007 at 11:29 am #

    Yes that Sydney renovation/redevelopment madness has tormented me at various times. It makes me long to live in an Italian village that hasn’t changed for centuries. Why is it that the same city that cant accept the sound of a band playing in a bar thinks jackjammers at 8’30 am is ok.
    In my life i’ve also strived for peace and serenity . It’s difficult to attain in Sydney as it’s a crowded expensive city. Today for example i would have spoken and interacted with over a hundred people. Some of them lovley some of them irritating.One another day who was lovely and who was irritating would different. (some consistent arseholes though)I started at 9am and only recently finished. But before all this I wrote an quick comment on your blogg over breakfast. Like (i assume ?)your bloggspot itself it was meant to be taken with good humour and certainly not seriously. Perhaps whatever sent you of this morning was also just a throwaway thought from someone on the fly.
    I do enjoy TTB but i centainly hope you dont let any comment here affect you. It’s of even less worth than opinion in the media.
    Whatever set you off i’d say the issue and the anger is with you.
    The words were just the outlet for it. You know the erb may sometimes open the doors or perception but it also loses your keys so you hurt your foot trying to kick the door in.

  35. avatar
    lily was here | 9 August 2007 at 11:29 am #

    sk, Im sorry to hear someone said something stupid that upset you so much 🙁

    sue x

  36. avatar
    lily was here | 9 August 2007 at 11:32 am #

    ps AA in CA, that song was by the 5 Man Electric Band, I think?

  37. avatar
    lily was here | 9 August 2007 at 11:53 am #

    ps I live in the midst of nowhere, no sound to be heard except the birds chirping, one of our dogs will bark now and then at a wandering fox …magic,bliss mixed with the odd silence except the sound of a fan whirring to combat my partner’s tinnitus or guitars playing on the stereo. Machinery scares me & grates on my nerves, no wonder you were at the end of your tether sk!

    On another tangent, i look at society and see too much acceptance as a whole, i guess we dig our own.

  38. avatar
    sleepy 8 | 9 August 2007 at 11:58 am #

    the only way to surrender
    is thru the will
    but you cannot will surrender

    keep on truckin’ old bean
    your blog leap frogs

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 12:01 pm #

    how does the saying go…grant me the serenity to accept what i cannot change, the wisdom to know the difference and the good fortune not to fuck up too often…
    -The Hellbound Heart

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 12:21 pm #

    Occupational therapy has a name: Fender Jazz Bass..


  41. avatar
    Balandro | 9 August 2007 at 12:26 pm #

    Steve, I hope your last blog is not because of what I wrote yesterday, in any case I still think you´re battling against your fears and frustrations when you play live, and I like to see a man that doesnt surrender so easily. All my respect to you. That´s my perception: a man tired of a lot of things (music business, lack of worldwide success, etc) but still fighting. Take a look at yourself in the interview you made for a european tv (Prague? can´t remember) last tour. Fuck, there´s a man tired of stupid questions, there´s a man intelligently screaming “we have a great album you stupids, buy it!”.

    That´s my opinion. I´m sorry for not being an arse-kisser. Maybe you need more arse-kissers (but you have plenty of them, as I can see). I´m just a friend and a fan.

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 12:27 pm #

    AA in CA….Thank you for that!..I’ve never studied{formally,anyway}art and it’s principles….but I’d call myself a Fauvist/expressionist/surrealist….I have sold quite a few paintings whichI had done,both before,and after I lost my eyesight…I suppose my style{mmmm….in many facets of the word} has never been orthodox….I paint mainly “lady landscapes/starscapes in rich,vibrant colours..they are a bit saucey sometimes,but never tacky!….I am familiar with “white noise”…It is what I see,wwhen my eyes are physically open…..ha! apparently my art has increased in value since the eyesight buggered off!I still have a few paintings left,that I did last year,before I lost the last 5% of my sight,and somehow,one day,I’ll show them to you!…mmmm….and the sound of the colour of the mood is… green purple,with little red and white fleurs!….xxxlove,genx

  43. avatar
    karma? | 9 August 2007 at 12:30 pm #

    remember having to finish a gig in Perth in 1990 cos of complaints about the noise?
    Remember your response?
    “They should have been happy to get some free music”.
    Remember that the next time the doof-doof-doof starts up.
    What goes around…

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 12:40 pm #

    I used to always get so churned up about things that people said until I turned it around and told myself not to take it on board – that what ever the issue might be that it was their problem, not mine – and then let it go mentally.This works…most of the time.When it doesn’t I feel like stabbing people.

    (yes, it’s a joke).

  45. avatar
    veleska1970 | 9 August 2007 at 1:25 pm #

    someone told me something just recently, and i think it’s very profound, so i’ll share it: people and events are only relevent if you make them relevent.

    so, this means it will only bother you if you choose to allow it to. that is not to say that you shouldn’t be concerned about things, and of course it’s a lot easier said than done. but you have to decide what’s really important. funny~~i’m going through this right now in my own life. i’m at a crossroads and i am having to make that decision.

    **shrug** it’ll be ok. get some rest, steve. you’ll feel lots betta. 🙂

  46. avatar
    veleska1970 | 9 August 2007 at 1:26 pm #

    *DOH* what’s the matter i can’t spell? that’s “relevAnt”.

    and to think i was always the last one standing in class spelling bees. **blush**

  47. avatar
    John Garratt | 9 August 2007 at 1:38 pm #

    I think it was Steve Kilbey’s first post ever where he said he was going to use this blog space to “air out [his] thoughts.”

    From that point on, I knew that no commenter could have enough weight to deter the Time Being blog. It’s just to, as the man put, externalize the thoughts. This shit wasn’t going to sway for no one.

    From time to time, I wonder what goes on inside his mind before and after these entries. Is the blog therapeutic? Or does it jumble up his thoughts even further as he types and types and types?

    When he reaches the end, is there a sense of “ah, I’ve arrived, I’ve sorted out my day.”?

    It’s a rare thing to keep a blog going for this long and to always have us guessing at these things. I’ve read Bob Mould’s blog and Peter Hook’s blog. Snore. God, gimme a break.

    But what you, Steve Kilbey, are talking about today is the sort of thing that has tickled my mind ever since I got hooked on this thing. Is this the ultimate release?

    Now that I’ve typed that, I realize it can’t be. Because it has to do with a godamn computer!

    Hey Eek, I’m headed to Yellow Springs next week.
    Hey Sue, you use a new picture dont you?
    Where’s the one they call B. Bon?

    John Garratt

  48. avatar
    lily was here | 9 August 2007 at 1:42 pm #

    pss i meant acceptance of things like bad manners, unnecessary foul language, reality tv, crap tv, lack of respect, big brother, cheapness … all that. g’nite x Dont let the sorrow wear you down

  49. avatar
    lily was here | 9 August 2007 at 1:52 pm #

    yes jg, new pic. have wondered the same thing re this blog.


  50. avatar
    eek | 9 August 2007 at 1:59 pm #

    …and speaking of Man of Sorrows, there’s a cool painting on Steve’s art site by that very name. It’s a really lovely piece, with the metallic parts adding extra drama. (the metallic doesn’t show well in the online image — what looks kind of mustard yellow is actually a lovely rich gold metallic)

    Man of Sorrows

    (John G — I’m gonna send you an email probably later today. 🙂 )

  51. avatar
    acceptance | 9 August 2007 at 2:01 pm #

    the purest handkerchief,waves of it’s own accord..when you are overcome by something ,there is nothing you can do, except lay down your arms,smile with gratitude for what you have been blessed with ,and move forward,with an open heart…../j38.4

  52. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 2:07 pm #

    Oh,hell!what the#%$*?BLOODY HELL!*I mean……BLOODY HELL!*…..xxA

  53. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 2:16 pm #

    acceptance is hard, and if you think about it,not really natural for a lot of us human beans.
    sometimes acceptance is the only way to deal with a situation unless you want your gut to consume you from he inside out.
    sometimes acceptance is a comforting way of saying I give up, it’s fucked, unfair,this is so wrong but if I dont breath soon I may implode.
    acceptance is at times just as much of a coping skill as fight or flight.
    i wouldn’t feel bad if acceptance
    is hard to achieve.sometimes you should blow it off and change


  54. avatar
    persephone2u | 9 August 2007 at 2:20 pm #

    If you accept the fact that the world is full of imbeciles early on, all the better. Ya gotta be thick-skinned and ignore these people as best as you can.

    Your blog hit close to home today as the new neighbors here have decided to completely renovate their house. It’s been going on daily for 3 months now, and last night after 10 p.m. all I could hear was the POUND! POUND! POUND! of the nails hitting the wall. And most homes in London as you know are all side by side and share the same walls. But instead of wishing death on these people (haha), I just laid down in bed with my ipod on, which is a fairly common occurrence for me anyway, and fell asleep listening to music. Problem solved!

  55. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 9 August 2007 at 2:59 pm #

    My ascertainment of my own unique Judeo-Christian faith has accepted that man is a fallen being in a fallen world. Malevolence has for the most part defeated benevolence in a spiritual battle for the planet. I also surmise that all of us will incur karmic consequences for our behavior. By trying to battle the world I am shot. Can’t function without medication. 80 proof beverages to induce sedation as a form of self-medication. And I still can’t accept that people eat animals, birds, fish and other creatures. They emanate from the same Creator that created us !!!!! Julian Cope can cope via being a heathan who worships the pagan Gods that predated Monotheism. He’s too far out for me but I dig many of his CDs.

  56. avatar
    Cee | 9 August 2007 at 3:17 pm #

    To Sk and all the fiends that matter:
    I love you guys!

  57. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 5:17 pm #

    SK – Love the wisdom and honesty in this one.
    Nice to be inspired by TTB again – I realise you can’t churn em out as profound as this every day, but it’s worth my time spent reading when you do.


  58. avatar
    stealthblue | 9 August 2007 at 6:02 pm #

    I read ya loud and clear, SK. Feel uncanningly similiar about things these days…like I’m from another planet or dimension altogether. I wish I could just “accept” things more easily, but some are almost impossible to swallow. I wish I was more accepting of being part of this whole sphere of twisted energies and disconnectedness. All I know is that I’m glad to know there are others who feel the same and are on the same plane, know what I mean? Anyway, take care and thanks again for all the musings and insights. Maybe it will all come around someday, huh? Hope so…

    Peace and love to you and all the good fiendss,
    Ben V.

  59. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 6:10 pm #

    Your words here bring to mind Camus’ The Myth of Sisyphus. Sisyphus is punished by the gods. For all of eternity he must roll a boulder on his back up-hill, well knowing that having reached the top of the mountain the boulder will once again roll down. Sisyphus does not despair, instead, he accepts his tragic fate willingly. In this acceptance of fate without despair there lies his defeat of the gods.

  60. avatar
    verdelay | 9 August 2007 at 9:14 pm #

    You build a wall to protect yourself from the world
    And then some tosser knocks it down
    And you think to yourself:
    That’s me. That’s what I am.

    A pile of fucking bricks

    So what if some tosser didn’t knock it down
    Where would that leave you?
    What would you identify with then?

    The wall
    Or the prisoner?

    At least a pile of bricks can’t fall down any further.
    And maybe you could make something out of them.


    Like a nice little flight of stairs.

  61. avatar
    Centuryhouse | 9 August 2007 at 9:48 pm #

    [quote]people will always impinge and infringe
    they will disturb and perturb
    theyll call ya a liar when youre telling the truth
    and thats hard to swallow
    but i must not become so angry
    it is destroying me
    i cant afford to lose so much energy
    in one inferno of wrath such as today [/quote]

    Well said Steve, all of it but this piece sums it up well.

    I was thinking similar thoughts the other weeks, about letting external things that I can’t control get to me so much and rob me of so much happiness and inner peace.

    Acceptance is hard. I wish you well with it, and peace.

    Daniel W.

  62. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 11:11 pm #

    This post from the interior brings to mind the follwing passage –

    ‘Let it go. Let it out.
    Let it all unravel.
    Let it free and it can be
    A path on which to travel.’

    Now which one of you trainspotters can name the author of that….?

    Friday has arrived (a great day in the wage slave’s week) and a sense of munificence overwhelms me so there will be a prize for the correct answer (and I’ll be able to tell if you just google it)

    God bless the true and pure hearts of all who belong here, and hello to John G.

    B. Bon

  63. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 11:19 pm #

    Ha ha!….I accept….that the only appropriate clothing to be wearing,when one collides with a steel girder{as I did this morning,at my little one’s school}….Is a glittery “superman”T shirt!….no damage done…and the pole is recovering nicely! …..good morning me lovelies!…..must increase the kryptonite shield {coffee}intake,before leaving da house!… to you all,as always,genx xxx

  64. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 11:33 pm #

    Hi sk, hoping the sweet beings world is looking brighter and happier this morning.

  65. avatar
    mattdavison | 9 August 2007 at 11:36 pm #

    Fuc Did I just write that??.. (matt Shakes his head…)

    Thats exactly how I feel Killer.

    looking at the akl giggy film bits , one becomes very aware, all that stuff leaves you in the middle of song. During the show sk disappears into a level of musical intensity that is unparralled…
    impetuous thoughts have left the man……..
    all that remains is the music from space, and the man infulencing the universe.


  66. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 August 2007 at 11:51 pm #

    I can’t believe that murdering bastard john jarratt keeps leaving comments in here! have’nt the aussie cops caught him yet!?

  67. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 2:04 am #

    what a repulsive idea

  68. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 2:12 am #

    Thanks Sue, I think you’re right- I haven’t heard that name or song in years. Your memory must be great with all that peace you get!

    Genx- that figures that you’re an artist…I’m elated to know that!! ^-) I’m at the mid-point of my MFA at the Academy of Art University, San Francisco- I’m realizing a long time dream here…I’d better not take up space talking about me, myself and I. (Please forgive me Steve.) Sure I’d love to see your artwork!!

    Love as ever,

    AA in CA

  69. avatar
    dean9000 | 10 August 2007 at 2:13 am #

    nice one killa….the 411 on the hell that can be earth at time…. acceptance/being more tolerant/patience tends to get you further along…. i agree wholeheartedly….



  70. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 2:16 am #

    Hid did regard Nicole Kidman.

    Acceptance…it’s more of a tolerance thing I try- it doesn’t always work, but ya know…


  71. avatar
    Symon | 10 August 2007 at 2:42 am #

    Steve…it’s interesting to hear what I often feel, being put so eloquently and directly.

    I haven’t learnt to truely just accept many things, but I will use your blogge as a reference point.



  72. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 3:10 am #

    AA in Ca…nice one…take the advice of an old gal,and don’t just “realise” your dream…immerse yourself in it…mmmm.. am artistic verging on the ridiculous….I cant even do a tin of baked beans,without adding something…my friends ask me to “Gen -ify” their houses?….xxx love,genx xo

  73. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 3:19 am #

    P.S…Q…How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?……….A..FISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!…love,genx xxx

  74. avatar
    One Man Doggy | 10 August 2007 at 4:01 am #

    One day we climb
    any day we fall
    embelish the truth
    with galactic Lies
    fortune favours the corporation
    inspiration denies the infidels of
    pasts pages
    Life is nothing more or nothing less
    Importance holds sway over the innocent and niave
    temperence hands out judgment on all who obey its whimsical ways
    ask the questions do the primal scream enforce the unlocked doors of one’s temporal plane and emerge unscathed in ethereal enlightenment.

    Or if ya don’t feel like it study up on the ‘New Hollywood’ then watch taxi driver in HD. It might help.


  75. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 4:06 am #

    AA in CA….I must have skipped a line,when I was reading your comment!…an abbreviated version of ALL of my artwork,would be a photo of me….they are all self portraits{mmmm that was too honest…huh?}…I have a friend coming over on the weekend,who might help me put a photo on this thang,as I discovered,the other folks do{only discovered this last night,coz someone mentioned it}….we’ll see how technical it all is,i suppose,first?…love,genx xxx

  76. avatar
    melquiades | 10 August 2007 at 4:11 am #

    I tune in here and you just never know what kind of lesson you will take from reading your words. fruitful as always.

  77. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 4:15 am #


  78. avatar
    CSTCoach | 10 August 2007 at 4:22 am #

    been pondering this blog all day. acceptance is such a tough thing. i spent a summer living beside a construction site too a few years back, trying to read and to write, with piledrivers piledriving and quebecois workers shouting from a rooftop to those on the ground rather than use a radio.. It has a way of ratcheting through your skull and boiling your blood. but then i have so little tolerance for the noise of others carrying over into my space…

    in situations like that, what can you do but accept it? resistance is so often the ego grasping one last time before its grip finally fails and it lets go.

    but i think there are other things that you shouldn’t accept. your current situation, if it makes you unhappy and if its in your power to change it. second best, when you deserve so much more. the hurtful critiques of others – rather than accept those, why not be totally indifferent to them? speaking in generalities with all these things, but i think they apply to so many of us.

    thanks for never talking down, killa. for telling it like it is and as you see it, unvarnished. respect.


  79. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 4:23 am #

    yes, Genx…I’m going through the same process so people here can see my artworks. I’ll try to take it a bit further soon- so far I haven’t been able to make it work cuz I have a mac? Try as I may.

    Steve- ‘Man of Sorrows’ has a solumn expression on you. Your use of predominantly warm majentas, reds, golds, skin tones complemented by the cool blue makes your piece vibrant. I know you love the brights. The texture of the blue, is that oil pastel, perchance? Can you visualize a little Genx?


    Gotcha genx, is it possible to be toooo affected?

  80. avatar
    eek | 10 August 2007 at 6:04 am #

    AA — the blue on “Man of Sorrows” isn’t oil pastel it’s soft pastel (Sennelier).

    Metallic SK is also much, much more vibrant in person. It has three metallic colours which don’t show up nearly as well online. 🙂

  81. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 August 2007 at 9:50 am #

    Pretty much the story of my life. Great blog, Steve! Thomas Thomsen, Denmark.

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