posted on May 8, 2007 at 8:53 pm

dreampt about grant all night
he was always just off in the distance
i could see him but i couldnt reach him
we were managed by the same guy
(in the dream)
he was saying grants got this bad cold
and youre getting it too
i could see grant from my window…

grant n go betweens coming on shuffle
disproportionately
the other day i was thinking bout grant
and right here came on
followed by antenna
followed by about 5 other songs
i cant remember now
but each one arguably significant
sometimes when im alone
i see something moving out the corner of my eye
grant, if youre out there……
here i am
ready to talk
or is it just co incidence on coincidence
about 2 weeks after my father died
i was sitting there crying
when i got this warm peaceful feeling
and my dads voice said in my brain
its gonna be alright son
and i really felt his presence
course in all my “supernatural” dealings
i take wishful thinking into account
im never sure
if only it was
that we might meet with them on the other side
as they were in life
naive…?
i been the most cynical man you can meet
i been the most wide eyed fool
i been everywhere between
we’ll never know until its all over
maybe a short spell in some heaven or hell
maybe nothing
so nothing you wont even know its nothing
just like before we were born
a rather pleasant oblivion
i guess my ego dont wanna lay down its flag
fuck, its only doing its job
you might as well blame yer tongue for talking
killer rambles on in the misty morning light
i have found that….
that things seem to have a reason
sometimes a hidden reason
that may take a long time to unravel
maybe things work on greater time scales than human lifetimes
i know one thing
ive trodden these boards before
whatever skills i possess
i have weilded before n before
and that sweet chi gong
and that exhilarating yoga
and that ocean mother
they say remember killer remember
they layy whole memories on me complete
they say yes you are you
but once you were him n her
(actually should read once you were he n she)
killer youre so close
but close dont win the cigar
close but no sugar lamp read a bad review in 1983
vegetarian n vegan food
do you wanna run your machine on that old dirty fuel?
you see the proofs in the pudding
isnt it?
i have young men come up to me
all the time
and say
‘i can see your olde but you still look …ok
and uh..it gives me uh…hope
that when im youre age…
(though they dont believe they ever will be)
that im ah…well you know..’
at which point im saying
there there my boy
old age aint to be feared if you take the right steps..
“yeah” says young man
i say
dont smoke
dont drink (killa hypocrite)
dont eat meat
exercise
take up some esoteric eastern science/art
eg yoga meditation xi gong karate tantra devotion
whatever i dunno
and do it every day
and by this time theyve gone “sure…ok…”
but ….
you gotta have self discipline
oh and i do
to do things
not to resist things
but to do things
and i do n i do n i do
i gotta be active
and something else
yessaday i have a visit from perry
of pam n perry esq. purveyors of fine herbs
and perry sitting there
in the luxuriating global warming sunshine
of my kitchen
which youve now all seen
and perry says thru the aromatic smoke n motes of light
you see steve we’re both virgos
its a womans sign
we are men with a womans sign
my oh my
it never occurred to me before
this slightly feminine (i imagine) perspective
coupled with a mans ability to obsess
the obssession it needs to succeed
on any level
less yer lucky
and im kinda lucky but not real lucky
and i hang around with these females in my family
and i reckon i do better than most
i am the antithesis of the distant unavailable father
i like girls n i always have
but its hard to unscramble this from obviuos bio-mechanisms
ultra males n alpha males n brutes leave me fucking cold
so predictable with their stuff
n their trophy wives
call their wives “honey”
cant remember their names
enough of this bile
so im a virgo you see
a man with a womans sign
maybe the horoscope is all just phoney baloney
so
i says to perry
whos sitting there so confident in astrology
so i say
hoping to shed a little empirical scientific light
on the subject
are you saying that
when someone is born
all the planets in the sky
by gravity or cosmic rays or magnetism
or some other force or combination
affects our very flesh bone and attitudes with its subtle emanations
causing actual predilections and physical manifestations to occur
and perry smiles and says
exactly
and ive just explained it to myself
im a man with a womans sign
huh
go figger

76 Responses to “mercy”

  1. avatar
    Misappearance | 8 May 2007 at 9:56 pm #

    It is the difference between having women in your heart, or being in the heart of women.

    They’ve got great bodies too, obviously.

    Brian

  2. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 8 May 2007 at 9:57 pm #

    More profound prose from SK. Since I am a Creationist I must admit that it is still very viable that my death could be the end, blessed nothingness. I should be a vegetarian for health but I do it for animal welfare reasons and for a nonviolent karma. I am weak so I cling to my Judeo-Catholics beliefs. A sinner I AM !

  3. avatar
    restaurant mark | 8 May 2007 at 10:27 pm #

    me too man, me too…september 5th 1969
    great, thought provoking one today…appreciate you
    take care

  4. avatar
    Cee | 8 May 2007 at 10:32 pm #

    You gotta love that feminine vibe!
    Cee

  5. avatar
    the dean | 8 May 2007 at 10:34 pm #

    Im a man with a fish sign. no chips.

  6. avatar
    damien | 8 May 2007 at 10:38 pm #

    Love yesterday’s pics, SK. Your car is just as I’d imagined it. An ex of mine once had a Falcon wagon that also required mucho pesos to be spent on its upkeep.

  7. avatar
    stealthblue | 8 May 2007 at 11:15 pm #

    I wouldn’t discard any connections with “other realms” either. But you are right, we won’t really know until we are actually “there” will we. Pretty wild stuff I think. I definitely believe in messages from beyond, etc. I am sure we’ve all had some “connection” before, as there is no doubt your friend was talking to ya. Sometimes I think we should ALL pay attention a little more. This realm ain’t always what it seems…

    Also, I had to laugh to myself regarding the “Virgo” stuff. I know exactly what you mean. But I am actually kind of proud of that…I think it is a good sign. ((of course!!)) I do think there is major relevance to the way the cosmos was lined up at the time of your soul/body’s arrival (possibly even your departure) in this planetary “string.” Hey, I couldn’t have a more obscure…(or is it a conspicuous?) birthday…9-11-72 (How’s THAT for a day??)Still trying to make some sort of sense about that!! Jesus Christ, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry on “the catalystic incident” 2001. Thankfully I had some pretty amazing pals still trying to make a party out of it…God bless ’em.

    But yeah, if you care for my humble opinion, I would say your perceptions of life as a virgo are pretty dead on…thus part of being a Virgo.;) ( a little more “in-tune” etc.) I know sometimes it feels more like a curse, but I can tell you embrace its blessing too. For the most part we’re pretty sharp, although I know I have been embarrassingly naive too, but that is just a human thing.)

    So…Keep your chin up and thanks for the great blog, AND the newest photos. Those are great too. It IS a treat to kind of get a small glimpse fo the world from your perspective. Love those beaches!! Damn I need to be near the Pacific…miss it. “ARRRRGGGg, Me Ladee Pacifica”

    Until next time…
    G’night.
    Ben

  8. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 8 May 2007 at 11:22 pm #

    “about 2 weeks after my father died
    i was sitting there crying
    when i got this warm peaceful feeling
    and my dads voice said in my brain
    its gonna be alright son
    and i really felt his presence”

    i wrote this a week after my father died in early 2006. it still feels as real to me now as it did then..

    “The experience I had just after my Dad died was when I was alone in my flat just reflecting and meditating on Dad’s passing. I became aware of his presence as spirit….and his energy was positive and vibrant. It seemed to me that he had been joyfully released from the confines and restrictions of his ‘personality’ and had expanded into a wider consciousness of liberation and joy. I also ‘felt’ his laughter…..which is something I had not heard from my Dad in many years.

    And then I ‘felt’ his words….”Ahhh, Son…..now I understand all the things you have been talking about. You are on the right path.” And then I became filled with the knowledge, that, for the first time in many many years….Dad was more aware of spiritual things than me……his spirit had expanded into the wisdom of life beyond the human form, and he was now in a position to become a guide for me, along side my late mum and aunt and many others who have passed, and who have chosen to walk the spiritual path alongside me….guiding me and assisting me as needed”

  9. avatar
    craig1.618 | 8 May 2007 at 11:42 pm #

    besides losing my sister (my only sibling who happened to be buried on her 18th birthday), i lost my best friend, steve, back in 1996……he died of complications from a rather horrible disease…..i miss them both all the time……..and i too have been seeing these tracer-type things…….i’m just sitting there and i see these movements outta the corner of my eye…….it use to sorta weird me out but i got use to it……maybe some sorta out-of-phase bleed over or something…….i asked my father-in-law, who is an eye doctor, if he knew of any condition that might be causing it…….he said no…….i told him i was just curiious as i didn’t wanna leave some problem untreated and end up with my sight taken………and i’m with the dean also…..i’m a fishy with no chips

    and thanks for all those great pictures of late

  10. avatar
    Mattdavison | 8 May 2007 at 11:44 pm #

    Man there were some wally’s on yesterdays comments!!Hmm (sigh)

    Anyway.

    – Sk my best friend andrew died falling of his bike may 6 1994. and when I went to see him at the funeral home His spirit pushed me out of the room, with intense power(-I mean moved at great pace) and he said to me Matt you don’t have to see me like this.

    I will never forget that.

    Grant’s around you Steve, and I am looking forward to the song you will write for him.

    M

    dear Veles1970 That person has had me b4, and He will go anyone & strike at anytime. He/she is a blog terrorist and Rusty must remove those comments at all cost.

  11. avatar
    Daberhasher | 8 May 2007 at 11:47 pm #

    i can’t believe you never contemplated that aspect of your Virgohood, wow… so now you’re the bricklayer’s beautiful daughter…

    ya know, you could probably shoot video with that little digital cammy of yours… it’d be a hoot to see the Professor of DnA asking for the lowdown on astrological matters…
    just a thought…

    really fine post today…

    aloha,
    erik

  12. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 9 May 2007 at 12:03 am #

    Steve,
    To say I could relate to this blog would be the understatement of my life! For some inexplicable reason, I’ve been literally obsessed with death and what’s on the other side my entire life. What a waste of time huh? I don’t know why it’s preoccupied me more than other people. It’s true – if there’s nothing, I won’t even know it. But the idea that there’s nothing both terrifies me and pisses me off! I’ve always felt there had to be something more than this life. Don’t get me right – I enjoy life to the fullest (well, I try to most days) but my gosh, ever since I was a tiny girl I kept thinking “Is this it? This isn’t enough.” Then I’d lie in bed and night and think about death and freak.myself.out. Man, I was a weird kid I guess.

    About two days after my dad died, I had the same odd, overwhelming sense of peace – as if my dad was literally saying “It’s ok, I’m ok.” I don’t know why – maybe the shock of it all (he took his life w/a gun as you may recall) but I’ve never felt that peace since then – nada, 11 years later. It came and went – like he had a moment of time in which to let me know he was OK. I always wonder “Did I just conjur it up in my mind?” I don’t know, because I was pretty much devastated for the next 2-3 years over his death. I think I’m a wishful thinker too. I can’t bear the thought of not seeing my loved ones again. I think I just tell myself little fairy tales for the damned, you know? Cynical!

    As for astrology….I don’t know. I have to admit, I do seem to have many personality traits associated with Taurus the bull. Stubborn, persistent, etc. My motto “You —- with the bull, you get the horns.” Ha – I’m kidding. Kind of.

    Anyway…yes, another great blog. Thanks as always.
    denise
    xxoo

  13. avatar
    veleska1970 | 9 May 2007 at 12:11 am #

    there is no doubt that grant was definitely trying to communicate with you again. yes, it is frustrating when a loved one is there in your dream like that, so close yet so far. i have gone through this with my dad quite a lot in the soon-to-be 5 years that he’s been gone. immediately after his death and up to a year after that i was a basket case, just beside myself with grief. and then one evening he “visited” me, and everything after that made sense and i had the most overwhelming feeling of calm and warmth overtake me, like it was a cozy blanket that i could pull around me. and now, when i dream about him, he’s there, but he doesn’t interact. he’s just….”there”, in the distance~~just like grant. and these dreams always occur when i’m going through a lot in my life, and i always feel comforted when i have them. like somehow he’s telling me everything will be ok. just as your own dad did. ๐Ÿ™‚

    but you are right~~we don’t really know, do we? i believe in reincarnation and i can only hope that my next incarnation brings my soul that much closer to purity and truth.

    one thing i am positive about, though, is astrology and how the stars that a person is born under affects them throughout his/her life. but of course, the explanation is not so simple. although each one of us is a very complex, unique individual with our own unique set of circumstances that make us who we are, i do believe that there are certain basic personality traits that are manifested by the sign we’re born under. heh heh heh…i’m an aquarius, and i’m as aloof, independent and eccentric as they come. i yam what i yam.

    a man with a woman’s sign?? hmmmm….interesting. **arched eyebrows**

    lotza love……

  14. avatar
    Brian | 9 May 2007 at 12:11 am #

    Steve, beautiful insight. I’m slack-jawed by your way of putting things so true…….Stepped out of my bedroom back into the light with a wow/epiphany of light coming over me.

    your frankness is enlightening. You really have a way of illustrating…still left in the wake.

    I’m gemini. Castor and Pollux and the duality of egos.

  15. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 9 May 2007 at 12:13 am #

    I have not lost a member of my immediate family yet. My best friend did suddenly perish. The excellent SK blog and some equally compelling readers’ comments reinforce my feeling that our late family and friends are around us in the spiritual realm. Incidentally, The British Druid Rock Star, Julian Cope, would have immensely enjoyed the feminine emphasis of SK’s blog.

  16. avatar
    brian | 9 May 2007 at 12:21 am #

    Steve, by the way, from yesterday’s post and the photo “mirror” you have someone to the left of your field, in what looks to be, they’re praying? It’s an interesting photo.

  17. avatar
    veleska1970 | 9 May 2007 at 12:22 am #

    to mattdavison: it’s okay. don’t worry about it. i actually laughed when i read that because i was thinking to myself “well, it’s been a while since i have been picked on, so i guess i was up next in rotation~~my slot on the roulette wheel.”

    and besides, the jerk sure has had you lined up in his/her crosshairs for quite some time, so if it was my turn to relieve you (or anyone else) of that for a while, then it was my pleasure. i was glad to do my duty, and i did it with pride.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. avatar
    kat | 9 May 2007 at 12:31 am #

    most of my family, grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, all gone, except for my siblings. all with their own families,and i am on my own. i hear my mom’s voice sometimes, and get signs occasionally that give me strength. and the corner of the eye thing.. i can relate. other times i feel quite disconnected,because the family that is still here is not as close as we once were. can’t get it back.
    thanks for sharing your thoughts and visions, sk.. profound. oh yeah, i am on the cusp of aries and pisces. that could explain some of my confusion!!

  19. avatar
    malcolm arkey | 9 May 2007 at 1:01 am #

    Thought that I was over you…
    —————————————
    If you watch the vid from that song you’re going to see two lads who seem genuinely happy…really enjoying themselves. Grant plays Steve’s bass VI and puts his baby eyes to the camera and Steve plays a rare Coronado XII and pirouettes and prances in some balletic artsy prelude to his later qi-gong poses.

    This is a lovely and uncommon moment in pop/rock history.
    If anyone missed it first time round in 1990/91 – you can now watch Jack Frost’s “Thought That I…” on youtube. Thanks to whoever put it there:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlNIkG6D15s

    “I know you’re there,
    You’ve got new friends
    From my point of view
    Well it depends…”

    Classic stuff.

  20. avatar
    CSTCoach | 9 May 2007 at 1:36 am #

    it seems that spirits are in the air. my dad died two years ago last month, and i’ve been dreaming of him a lot lately too…

    after he died i kept his car, using it to run back and forth to my hometown to do settle the estate stuff and all that. he’d had a lot of trouble with that car over the years, big bill repairs, it was always breaking down. at the time i was planning to keep it (cause i was a poor struggling writer then and i had never had a car) but small things were going wrong, small things that hinted at more big repairs.

    anyway, on the day that i drove to my hometown to sign the car over to myself, a girl pulled out in front of me. it was the first and only accident i’d ever had in 20 years of impeccably skilled driving. i veered off and avoided hurting her, and it didn’t even raise my heartbeat thanks to my training i guess, but it was enough to total the car.

    a week later, on March 17th, i bought a new car from the dealership in my hometown, because the owner was a friend of my dad’s. i cleaned out his old car and took off the plates (it went to the wrecking yard) and then went and paid for my new wheels. when i got home i went through the papers from the old car and I found the original bill of sale with my dad’s signature. it was dated March 17th, ten years ago to the day.

    i dunno, both the accident and the date seemed fortuitous. i don’t believe in an afterlife, i think this is all we get and that there’s no meaning (i know, cynical and bitter, but we all have baggage), but i couldn’t help feeling that it was dad’s way of getting me off the road in that hunk of junk before it really broke down badly, and that the date was a wink of sorts…

    makes ya think.

    ryan

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 2:14 am #

    gemini…….skeptical..spiritual ,realist and dreamer………grant says YES………this is my specialty,or neurosis ………”dont drink,give em a leaflet that says “stop woodchipping” “mmmmmmmmmm…….my terminology for that is a HIPPYcrit,,,,,,virgo men are v special…….thanks for being born ,,genx xxxxxxx

  22. avatar
    Tony | 9 May 2007 at 2:41 am #

    there ain’t no shame in having a feminine soul
    querida alma

    if i believe anything
    i think there’s some connection
    between the soul
    and an energy born from consciousness
    i too have had visitations
    like the one you describe
    from my father
    and lost children
    my son charlie told me in a dream,
    “don’t be sad, daddy,
    those times when you think of me
    are the times i’m able to visit you.”
    deep, sk, deep…
    love
    puccifish

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 2:54 am #

    Steve, you were interviewed on SBS or ABC many years ago and you briefly spoke about your experiences with hypnosis and going into future lives (rather than regressing into past lives). I’d love to hear more about why you did that and what you think of it now so many years later.

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 2:54 am #

    Hey SK,

    I’ve written about my especially vivid dream of finding my Dad inside the hollow of a tree before, so I won’t repeat it. Apart from dreams though, the year I was dealing with treatment for breast cancer, every single day that cozy blanket Veleska spoke about was hugging me with his encouragement and deepest love. I’m crying right now just remembering it, and missing it….

    I’ve had a theory for a long time: We remember nothing of being an egg or a sperm, we remember nothing of the womb, nor of the first few baby years. No one has gone back after being born to tell the unborn babies, “I am here to tell you what is on the other side, all those pokes and prods and muffled noises are from the great beyond that will be your new life!” and no one comes back (apart from Jesus) to tell you exactly what awaits us when we die, because we don’t die, for we are in yet another womb awaiting another birth….

    Love to all.

    Big smiles,
    (Did you get my email about the absinthe minded award winner?)

    Kate

  25. avatar
    EARTHFRIEND | 9 May 2007 at 3:02 am #

    we are just women living in ‘a’ man’s body, haha…
    mjnjr

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 3:21 am #

    Thank for the insightful and profound comments…(…life itself..is spiritual. That’s not an opinion or a philosophy or a view. Transcendent experiences are not merey relative; it is not as though they are real if you believe in them and not real if you don’t. The Divine is not an idea or a metaphor. It is a direct perception when we reach pure awareness.” – Bo Lozoff – It’s a meaningful life.)

    Another Virgo man with a woman’s sign (Mike in Canada)

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 3:33 am #

    Go-Betweens tribute show as broadcast last Sat. night on eve of Grant’s anniversary. Was at the original show at the Tivoli in Brisbane some time back, glad to see it finally aired.

    http://www.infradig.com/go-betweens-tribute-jtv.torrent

    enjoy.

  28. avatar
    mattdavison | 9 May 2007 at 3:38 am #

    What about pisces men????

    Mattdavison

  29. avatar
    eek | 9 May 2007 at 3:57 am #

    My people must be partying mighty hard in the afterlife ’cause none of the little shits has bothered to contact me. >:(
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    i am the antithesis of the distant unavailable father
    i like girls n i always have

    It shows. And I think it’s great for your daughters as well as for you.

  30. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 9 May 2007 at 5:01 am #

    ~

    i googled…

    “grant to steve”

    the top result in image search was…this

    “grant n go betweens coming on shuffle
    disproportionately
    the other day i was thinking bout grant
    and right here came on
    followed by antenna
    followed by about 5 other songs
    i cant remember now
    but each one arguably significant
    sometimes when im alone
    i see something moving out the corner of my eye
    grant, if youre out there……
    here i am
    ready to talk”

    sometimes it’s best to just listen!

    ~

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 5:26 am #

    Thanks for the piccies. You’re looking well no sign of jetlag now.
    Nice car, did u put those stickers on? It’s cost u a lot, but glad its running well & is safe.

    I still believe those we love come to us in dreams, or through the other signs of butterflies, birds etc coming to us. Besides dreams about my parents, I often dream of the family home where I grew up. I wake up and wish I could go back there and be with the whole family again. When I’m really down I feel like the voices in my head are them talking to me, I like to believe it is them helping me and being close. Does make it easier to cope with the hard times.

    Any plans to play in Sydley soon? Keeping the fingers crossed.

    Peace & love,
    t

  32. avatar
    cita | 9 May 2007 at 5:35 am #

    Yes and it comes through the music too. The feminine sign is there for me each time I listen to a Church tune. There is that flashing of the eyes. The virgo sign alows the stars to shine through you.

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 5:41 am #

    Robert Smith:

    “the world is neither just nor unjust

    it’s just us trying to feel that there’s some sense in it

    it doesn’t mean there has to be a
    way of things

    no special sense that hidden hands are pulling strings”

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 5:43 am #

    “..projections of an endless human longing to an empty sky”.
    – Ludwig Feuerbach

  35. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 9 May 2007 at 6:00 am #

    as i’m about to leave here, this song just came on over the library computer headphones…

    JOHN LEGEND LYRICS

    “Show Me”

    I realized as I lay down to sleep
    We haven’t spoke in weeks
    So many things that I’d like to know
    Come have a talk with me
    I need a sign, something I can see
    Why all the mystery?
    I try not to fall for make believe
    But what is reality?
    Where do we go?
    What do we know?
    Life has to have a meaning
    Show me the light
    Show me the way
    Show that you’re listening

    Show me that you love me
    Show me that you walk with me
    Hopefully, just above me
    Heaven’s watching over me

    Guess it’s funny how I say thanks to you
    For all you’ve given me
    Sometimes the price of what you gave to me
    I can’t stop questioning
    O God of love, peace, and mercy
    Why so much suffering?
    I pray for the world, it gets worse to me
    Wonder if you’re listening
    When people go
    Why do they go?
    Why don’t you choose me?
    But someday I know
    I’m gonna go
    I hope you’re waiting for me

    Show me that you love me
    Show me that you walk with me
    Hopefully, just above me
    Heaven’s watching over me

    Maybe we’ll talk
    Some other night
    Right now I’ll take it easy
    Won’t spent my time
    Waiting to die
    Enjoy the life I’m living

    Show me that you love me
    Show me that you walk with me
    Hopefully, just above me
    Heaven’s watching over me

  36. avatar
    malcolm arkey | 9 May 2007 at 6:05 am #

    3:41pm,
    yes – the world is neither fair nor unfair…

    That song probably contains the most powerful lyrics from The Cure’s/Smith’s whole career but not a lot of people seem to know it.

    A heartless but probably dead accurate song.

    Wonderful.

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 6:21 am #

    matt,…oh,pisces…….take care of your knees…..a small man with apot belly and white thick hair,happy buddha face……he says knees and cheeks,ears maybe……..just visiting you thats all…….sweet…..be strong nhave a good cry…….genx x

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 6:30 am #

    I am 33 years old
    My father has had ALS for ten years
    We thought it was sporadic
    Here I am developing symptoms
    I am a chromosome away from being
    You can treat your body like a temple
    But no matter
    The temple always falls
    When
    Where
    It’s not always up to you
    Maybe a bigger plan
    This could be the rough draft
    It could also be the final act

    -unknown blogger

  39. avatar
    verdelay | 9 May 2007 at 6:40 am #

    Coincidence.

    The placebo effect

    Wishful thinking.

    Imagined happening.

    Para-normal.

    Super-natural.

    Meta-physical.

    =

    “Reality”

    Reality. What a tired old horse that is. Never believed in the bony old nag, never will. What is it? A hackneyed category that keeps us from the threshold of understanding, time and time again.

    v

  40. avatar
    ~ | 9 May 2007 at 7:31 am #

    the pilgrimage of the Sun
    through the twelve houses
    16 degrees in width thirty in length
    the Hemphta
    Numen Triforme
    Hieroglyphic surrounded by the twelve gates
    through which a soul must pass
    to enter the great pyramid
    at one time
    only ten signs were observed
    for the ten solar months
    the lunar months thirteen in number
    twenty eight days in length
    and all humans bound to this cycle
    Virgo and Scorpio
    used to be one sign
    divided by the scales of Libra
    to make twelve
    to weigh in the balance
    of the secret rites of the serpent
    and the purity of her intention
    it is believed by mystics that the zodiac
    represents in completion
    a great androgenic deity
    each sign correlates to a physical part of the
    beings created in the image and a psychological process
    of initiation
    as above
    so below
    as it goes
    something like that
    whats your sign baby
    a suns trip around lasts approx. 2160 years
    and as we worship what gives us life
    so follows religion
    in suit
    during the Aries passage priests were referred to as shepherds of men
    goats and sheep sacred
    follow the sign of the loaves
    and the fishes
    for the past 2000….
    hmmmmm
    what comes next, oh great Sun
    we feel it arriving
    see it out the corners of our eyes
    and in our dreams
    a centaur takes an arrow
    and points it at the stars
    as we all must look to the heavens
    to reach as far as we can
    in this life

    ~J

  41. avatar
    tristan | 9 May 2007 at 8:02 am #

    Hi ~,

    I think you’ll be interested in this article:
    http://www.faeriefaith.net/Calendar.html

  42. avatar
    ~ | 9 May 2007 at 8:17 am #

    Hello tristan,

    bookmarked! thank you,
    yes, that darned extra day!
    silly lisping Romans
    ‘May is a wonderful month to enjoy’
    may you enjoy the rest of the month!

    ~J

  43. avatar
    not a nasty mouse | 9 May 2007 at 8:18 am #

    dear ALS sufferer

    r u taking a wholistic approach. as a naturopath i would advise essential fatty acids and lots of em if u aint already.
    best wishes

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 9:00 am #

    steve,
    thanks for the pics- had a crush on you for 22 years and you’re still gorgeous!
    by the way- still vego- no going back now

    margie

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 9:54 am #

    On Death
    Then Almitra spoke, saying, “We would ask now of Death.”

    And he said:

    You would know the secret of death.

    But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?

    The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.

    If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.

    For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

    In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;

    And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.

    Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

    Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.

    Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?

    Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

    For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

    And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

    Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

    And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

    And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

    Kahlil Gibran – The Prophet

  46. avatar
    fantasticandy | 9 May 2007 at 9:57 am #

    my dad died very suddenly from a heart attack.
    everyone was busy delegating and organising for some while. tidying up loose ends ect.
    it was only about six weeks later that the enormity of the situation
    finally hit me.
    i was in the bathroom combing my hair. asi looked in the mirror it dawned on me that looking at my own face was the closest i would ever get to seeing my father again.
    it freaked me so badly i could’nt stand mirrors for weeks!
    but i gradually came to realise that a part of dad will allways exist, through me, my girls, their children and so on.
    so now when i look in a mirror i see that bit of dad in my face and it doesen’t hurt anymore, quite the opposite in fact!

    i’m saggitarius, main traits as follows:
    truthfull,
    strong sense of justice,
    total lack of tact.

    or so i’m told.

    luv,
    andy L.

    p.s.veleska,hello my darling!
    resume your rightful position
    here with me, back in ‘the bin’

  47. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 11:34 am #

    Steve..wow..for the first time in god knows how long i’m at a loss for words…i’m faced with the impending loss of a couple of people that i love and care for very much…if there’s an afterlife of some sort, some kind of place of rest and renewal, then these people that i love deserve to go there. fuck it.
    -The Hellbound Heart

  48. avatar
    not a nasty mouse | 9 May 2007 at 12:31 pm #

    steve

    do you know David Hirschfelder?

  49. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 12:34 pm #

    lots of virgos and tauruses here.
    i think that means something

  50. avatar
    nickfiction | 9 May 2007 at 1:12 pm #

    see how much fun these darn digital cameras are ? soon i must get a new one with maybe a few milllion megapixels…….. hows it goin sk?

  51. avatar
    Symon | 9 May 2007 at 1:15 pm #

    My heartfelt sympathies to all here today who have lost near and dear ones…my pain is yet to come in any profoundly deep way. I am aware that the day of losing someone really close to me is coming and I cannot imagine what it will be like.

    I often reflect on the irony that each life force is being oxidised out of people by the very stuff that keeps us alive. In some ways..it seems like a very sad joke.

    Steve…your thoughts on being here before are very powerful. I have no perception of this…but I wonder of the possibility.

  52. avatar
    isolde | 9 May 2007 at 1:26 pm #

    “Iโ€™m keeping you right here
    Whatever I have is yours
    And itโ€™s right here”

  53. avatar
    Emily Teechen | 9 May 2007 at 1:37 pm #

    every day i
    make my way
    through the streets of your to-own…

  54. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 1:39 pm #

    virgo and taurus r both earth signs

  55. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 2:00 pm #

    Being a virgo ain’t all absinthe and skittles….

    They are highly critical of themselves (and others!), sometimes absurdly moralistic, are perfectionists and generally wouldn’t wanna be a part of any club that would have them as a member. They are also loyal and blisteringly honest (to the point where they can piss people off). They often suffer from stress related illnesses (stomach, neck etc) and can be workaholics. When they partner they seek safety and security as well as affection and love.

    B.Bon
    (birthday Sept 11th)
    (no I ain’t telling you the year!)

  56. avatar
    acollins | 9 May 2007 at 2:29 pm #

    Steve,
    Haven’t left a comment in a while but still reading every day. Today’s blog was especially timely as I lost my Grandmother yesterday. She was 90 and her body finally gave out. We’ll miss her so much. She was always good to me and my family… adored Asher and treated Thomas, my stepson (hate the word), like he was my real son. And she thought Olivia hung the moon. The Virgo observation… dead on. September 18 for me.
    Hope to see you soon,
    Anthony

  57. avatar
    snowfaller | 9 May 2007 at 3:44 pm #

    Ah, Killa – always keeping me contemplating and thinking.

    Thanks for your continued inspiration both musically and through your blog!

  58. avatar
    mandn | 9 May 2007 at 4:15 pm #

    I’d love ot see you hae a go at this song Orpheus:

    My Death – The Song

    My death waits like an old rouรฉ
    So confident I’ll go his way
    Whistle to him and the passing time
    My death waits like a bible truth
    At the funeral of my youth
    Weep loud for that and the passing time
    My death waits like a witch at night
    As surely as our love is bright
    Let’s not think about the passing time

    CHORUS
    But what ever lies behind the door
    There is nothing much to do
    Angel or devil, I don’t care
    For in front of that door, there is you

    My death waits like a beggar blind
    Who sees the world through an unlit mind
    Throw him a dime for the passing time
    My death waits there between your thighs
    Your cool fingers will close my eyes
    Let’s not think of that and the passing time
    My death waits to allow my friends
    A few good times before it ends
    So let’s drink to that and the passing time

    CHORUS

    My death waits there among the leaves
    In magicians’ mysterious sleeves
    Rabbits and dogs and the passing time
    My death waits there among the flowers
    Where the blackest shadow, blackest shadow cowers
    Let’s pick lilacs for the passing time
    My death waits there in a double bed
    Sails of oblivion at my head
    So pull up the sheets against the passing time

    Cheers!
    Mary

  59. avatar
    gavgams | 9 May 2007 at 4:31 pm #

    I don’t know Grant at all well, but he strikes me as a fatherly sort of man in the best sense.

  60. avatar
    gareth,notts | 9 May 2007 at 4:35 pm #

    2 weeks after my granddad died,my neighbour was in her kitchen and felt someone was watching her,she looked up n saw my granddad looking over the fence!she rubbed her eyes looked again,n he was gone,he was always nosing into their garden when he was alive! a psychic guy approached me in a club to explain that my granddad was my guardian angel!i’d been told this on 2 previous occasions but to be approached by a stranger in a club full of strangers and be told family details that noone could have known did freak me out a little,but if its true then he certainly helped me out after the bad situation i told you about 5 years ago,when the infamous Taurus temper got the better of me,makes you think…….

  61. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 4:46 pm #

    Good blog, I enjoyed reading it. I’m with you in wondering what the truth is, what happens to us later.

    No one knows where it’s taking us.

    Daniel W.
    aka Centuryhouse

  62. avatar
    ~ | 9 May 2007 at 5:00 pm #

    …and being a centaur ain’t about zee lack of tack
    heh heh
    unbridled
    honesty, sure thing
    and a good sense of humour
    optimistic
    giddy up
    lucky horseshoes
    bow and
    quiver
    fortunately, got a virgo rising
    and a taurus moon
    to keep me a bit more earth toned
    and focused on where those arrows fly

    peace and luv to all ya all
    ~J

  63. avatar
    veleska1970 | 9 May 2007 at 5:11 pm #

    all these virgos!! it’s a virgo invasion!!!

    ***********

    to anthony at 12:29 am: sorry about your grandmother. she sounds like she was a very loving lady. ๐Ÿ™‚

  64. avatar
    ~ | 9 May 2007 at 5:16 pm #

    veleska
    spoken like a true aqua!
    get thee to the sea!

    ~J

  65. avatar
    JJ | 9 May 2007 at 5:31 pm #

    Looking for something to remind me, something out of the corner of my eye….it’s almost there, isn’t it? But when you try to focus on it – it’s gone. It’s the great mystery – what’s beyond. I haven’t a clue; no one has yet come back to talk about it, it’s out of the realm of language anyway. Perhaps the void, lay down all thought surrender to the void….it is knowing.

    One year ago for Grant, hard to believe.

  66. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 5:43 pm #

    dear sk
    thanks for
    the words
    and photos

    by the way
    your kitchen
    is very cool
    just as
    I pictured it

    my husband
    john
    also a virgo
    like you
    surrounded by
    women
    2 lovely daughters
    and wifey

    dreamt
    about the
    church
    this morning
    you were
    in denver
    and i stumbled
    on the gig
    right before
    it started
    needed to
    call john
    and hoped
    he could get
    there in time

    how
    oh how
    could i
    not know
    about this?
    classic
    anxiety dream

    love
    diane
    xoxo scorpio

  67. avatar
    davem | 9 May 2007 at 6:52 pm #

    Lots of virgo and taurean children here. Add me to the latter.
    We’re investing a load of dosh on a satff “well-being” programme at work. Lots of emphasis on physical/mental/emotional well-being but spiritual well-being? nope, not a jot. Welcome to Britain 21st century. Not a chance/prayer…depends on your sense of irony.
    Still, I’m off to York tomorrow, lovely old city.
    Love you more esskay.

    Davem
    xx

  68. avatar
    Krissythegroupie | 9 May 2007 at 7:16 pm #

    So don’t smoke cigs, only pot. Don’t drink, only jager or absinthe. I seeee hmmm : ) I’m an Aries so I do what the hay I want!

  69. avatar
    John Garratt | 9 May 2007 at 7:40 pm #

    “and my dads voice said in my brain
    its gonna be alright son
    and i really felt his presence”

    I’ve waited for that moment, but it never came. My dad just seems to be gone. No trace. No nothing. Even when I think of him, I don’t feel him anywhere near me.

    John Garratt

  70. avatar
    tim | 9 May 2007 at 8:57 pm #

    you might as well blame yer tongue for talking

  71. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 9:14 pm #

    There’s more poison in the carbon monoxide drenched atmosphere of a car than in hash smoke. Cars are real death machines for everyone. Don’t drive, or there’ll be a Killa on the road.

  72. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 May 2007 at 9:53 pm #

    i pray
    everyday
    but
    never
    ever
    should it
    be required
    by
    school
    work
    govs
    or YOU

  73. avatar
    eek | 9 May 2007 at 10:41 pm #

    anon at 7:53 am — I don’t get it. How on earth can SK require you to pray?

    I wanna know because if he can, that’s a pretty cool power to have…and if he can require you to pray…well maybe he can drop the r and start requiring you pay. Now that would be a useful skill. You’d get up every morning, go over to your computer, click on TTB’s PayPal donation button, and fire off a $10 payment to SK.

    Wouldn’t that be cool?

  74. avatar
    veleska1970 | 9 May 2007 at 11:02 pm #

    mmmm….anon at 7:53 am….i have never felt obligated to do anything steve or anyone else here says to do….sorry you feel that way or got that impression….

  75. avatar
    12str | 9 May 2007 at 11:08 pm #

    well man!!
    just got back from a nights work in my bar….its 1 am and the silence is beautiful…there are different kinds of silence you know!
    tonight its warm and generous..
    anyway! it`s such a pleasure reading your blog…thoughts are forming while reading…there`s always this multidimensional thing going on…some kind of wish for an out of body experience…for me anyway, ive got this craving for a glimpse of the bigger picture…but i feel as if im in the middle of the middle,and its hard to look in from the inside…its time to have a nice smoke,put on some music,and read it all over again…its a trip man!!

    pat

  76. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 May 2007 at 3:37 am #

    “The universe is female eluding the signs of men”. (Essence). Your words Kilb.


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