posted on March 29, 2009 at 8:01 pm

the killer awoke before dawn
put his boots on
and he walked on down the hall
and he came to the room
where his cheap n dirty laptop computer was
and he sat down in the dark hours to write
mortality pressing in from all sides
pressure exerted subtly
the roar of the crowd
the clacking of the mynah birds
the braying of the law
a good friend of mine
chucked in jail for growing dope in his garden
good work officers
we all sleeping safe
now this menace is in jail with NO visitors
a bloke who writes lovely things n
wouldnt harm a fly
etc
pay lipservice to an olde and evil law
do your job thats what youre paid for
lock em all up n let some corrupt judge sort em out
the law is a complicated n tricky thing
the govt must know what there doing, right?
the truth is
no one really knows what theyre doing
or why did we have 8 years of bush
and why all these wars
and why do everyone of us make a hundred mistakes a day
i know i do
i know i’m wrong about nearly everything
an i think of what david bowie said
we’re just older children thats all
an think about it for a minute
with all the fear and uncertainty of the child
scarlet kilbey for example
working at cross purposes to herself all day
making it harder for herself with her jealousy and fears
its alright shes 3 and a half
she will bury all this within herself
but it will all still be there her whole life
her rages when shes being condescended to
her capriciousness
her fickle moods and savage swings
her decisions based on whims
her ugly retaliations
her demanding attention
all this will be re absorbed into her adult persona
all just below the surface threatening to boil over
im pushing bloody sixty
but my emotions are still very much those of a kid
i often suspect that this childish font of malarkey
also could be the source of my creativity n energy
theyre almost inseparable
like you gotta respect your inner child tyrant
if you wanna get things done
thats why genius goes off the rails all the time
trying to obey yet not obey that 3 year old ego
the thing you like about my work
is the thing you’ll hate about me in person…
you love that song the disillusionist
but you dont wanna be personally disillusioned by me
but thats my tragedy and thats my specialty
and thats just the way it probably is
i cant keep my inner 3 n a half year in check
and hes running around like a fool
and ruining my ability to get organized
yet the 3 year is writing the goddamned poetry
n doing the paintings
the 3 year old gets me outta bed
n promises me we gonna do something really good
yeah whatever eh fiendss…?
more self analysis from the killer
trying to explain something unexplainable
or is it inexplicable…?
anyway i bristle to think of my gentle friend
in fucking jail…with NO visitors
for growing a bit of weed
this is not what we wanted
this is so bloody stupid
but all the inner 3 and a half year olds
who control the “law”
cant see how completely uncivilized it is
to lock up geezers like this for what is
essentially a thought crime
ie the dope transforms yer thoughts
and the “law” dont want ya thinking those thoughts
cos the “law” wants you to be just like them
and take the system very seriously
here the “law” is working counter to itself
by persecuting an otherwise law abiding chap
but aint that just like a 3 n a half year old…?
dont look for logic in this world
there is none
we’re all pretending
anyone can lose it at any moment
people go mad
people wise up
people get fucked n fucked over
people come good
people go bad
people get bought n sold
people change their minds n hearts
people are anything they wanna be
girls just wanna have fun
boys will be boys
women they will come n they will go
mortal man doomed to die
my god youre dealing with a lot of variables here
watch out
beware
emptor cave
dont trust yer senses
danger within n without
its like a jungle
ha!

29 Responses to “mistakes i made a few”

  1. avatar
    Freddie | 29 March 2009 at 11:43 pm #

    Indeed, it is a bummer about your friend 🙁

  2. avatar
    Finn | 30 March 2009 at 12:13 am #

    Thoughtful post Steve. Sorry about your friend. It’s a sad and sorry state of affairs that such things happen. Thought crimes indeed.

  3. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 30 March 2009 at 12:56 am #

    Indeed Sk the fallen and corrupt world is an inimical and hostile place. I am consumned by fear. I’ve cracked because I discerned that the world is run by savages, sociopaths and sadists. It’s dog eat dog. Friends come and go. This world is not a friendly place for pacifists, vegans and animal activists. It’s very dangerous for peaceful pot smokers. They’re arrested by a system that is in many instances controlled by heavy drinkers and in all instances controlled by pernicious carnivores. In BC era Empedocles sad that there is an eternal struggle between the forces of love and strife. In our era strife and all its ungodly irreverence for life is in complete control. From America to Africa too much bloodshed flows. The innocents are being massacred by malignant reprobates who are in control. Violent rap “artists” making more money than Nat King Cole. Benign people who won’t sell their souls are left out in the cold. Many smart and sensitive people are suicided by society.

  4. avatar
    linjo | 30 March 2009 at 2:06 am #

    Yes that is upsetting about your friend Steve and I am wondering why the friend is allowed no visitors?
    Brien, it does seem an oddity that alcohol, the force behind so much violence is so readily accepted and indeed encouraged in our society particularly for the ‘real Aussie’ bloke. In Australia of late, nearly each week we hear of one of our sporting ‘heroes’, namely rugby league players who have committed some drunken offence. We then hear that upon completion of a tour OS these players are rewarded by being given $1000 worth of beer vouchers. For a young guy of 19, this is a tragedy in the making. Sorry to waffle Steve. Hope things are cooler down there. We have had lovely rain here in Tuncurry. Linda

  5. avatar
    Swampmeister | 30 March 2009 at 2:17 am #

    Its like a jungle
    sometime it makes me wonder
    how I keep from going under
    huh huh huh

  6. avatar
    captain mission | 30 March 2009 at 2:32 am #

    this is the terrible truth, the one which makes me want to rage and storm the stupid moronic constructs that our civilization is built upon, the economy, the law, religious intituitions, countries, the fucking rules about our bodies and minds and the constraints each individual is faced with when trying to liberate themselves from the insanity of humanity’s folly. while some search for inner peace outer chaos lurks, usually in the form of darker aspects of humanity dressed up in authority.
    im so sorry to hear your friend, persecuted and incarcerated for what!!!! growing plants!

    brian you are spot on, many smart and sensible people are suicided by society, my years as a social worker working with homeless people saw this in most cases, smart and sensible sensitive people unable to reconsiliate the divide between their own truth and the lie of consensus reality.

    the thing you like about my work
    is the thing you’ll hate about me in person…
    you love that song the disillusionist
    but you dont wanna be personally disillusioned by me
    but thats my tragedy and thats my specialty
    and thats just the way it probably is…

    i read somewhere a long time ago that you were beginning to engage with your audience a bit, i can’t recal the details but i’m sure that you said you were breaking down the barriers between enegmatic rockstar and the audience. this was around the time of playing some solo gigs and the birth of the blog. i always thought this was an incredibley brave move, becuase there was always that mytholgical steve kilbey image that keeps one detatched and safe, the persona. it’s been remarkable especially since within these posts you never hold back anything and we (the reader) get sn authentic steve kilbey that includes the 3 year old tyrant as well as the white hippy moses.
    i don’t think a relationship, if built on a foundation like that could disappoint. i know i can’t speak for everyone here but almost all the regulars are ‘switched on’ they are bright intelligent and pretty special and are seem quite often than not, able to disagree or raise their own objections to your perspectives, but i bet not one person would be disappointed by the fact you are a man and not an image. the curse says more about those that are ‘disillusioned’ than you my friend.

    there must be a good sydney alternative type legal expert who can help out there. i’ll ask around these parts.

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2009 at 3:03 am #

    You are correct Brien, it is a dog eat dog world…and I’m wearing milkbone underwear.

    Percen Ledbetter

  8. avatar
    Lian | 30 March 2009 at 3:33 am #

    Steve, today a woman is buried in a grave which was digged by herself. I doubt if she is a mother… but surely she is. What an ugly person. I don’t regret I ever said it was trash… but it is. And I wasn’t wrong.

    If only she can see the reflection in the mirror… I wonder how many wrinkles she can see on that face?

    Some people have wrinkles, but the wrinkels are beautiful and I want to kiss; some are not, they make me think of sewers.

  9. avatar
    M E M | 30 March 2009 at 4:20 am #

    and

    fuk

    here in the free world…

    “…your freedom’s not
    free…”

    and

    that’s obscene.

    truly.

    when you’ve seen
    this obscenity…

    or lived through
    it…

    you see the inversion
    of it

    the inside-out
    paradigm or whatever it is..

    fukd up

    but here
    also

    the
    antidote:

    your work is
    the self…

    and

    becomes
    as it should…

    a fire.

    to test the
    core

    values

    we risk everything
    to do this

    lest we forget.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2009 at 4:33 am #

    Sociopath? I thought that was a requirement for becoming a cop.

  11. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 30 March 2009 at 5:49 am #

    ….BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING….
    jesus, why can’t the cops stop wasting their time and concentrate on people (and i use this term loosely) that go around preying on the old, the very young, the defenseless, the individuals and animals who can’t voice their fear and abuse….
    love always….

  12. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 30 March 2009 at 5:51 am #

    hey linjo! i know that neck of the woods! i was born in hay, have rellies in broken hill and spent the first few years of my life in ivanhoe (and have visited there quite a few times), also got a relly in bourke….
    where do you live, cobar or something? cool!
    🙂

  13. avatar
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  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 March 2009 at 7:01 am #

    I’ve been teaching for nearly 2 decades now, and the kids who later went on to become cops have invariably been the schoolyard bullies and/or utter fuckwits. Obviously, in our sick society we need some sort of police force, hats off to those cops who risk their lives saving ours, but not to those who get a kick out of bullying and hassling honest people

  15. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 30 March 2009 at 8:00 am #

    good cops bad cops you know i’ve had my share, problem is they don’t know how to dream…

  16. avatar
    timetunnel | 30 March 2009 at 8:16 am #

    A German professor of politics recently described what kind of person you have to be if you want to become a powerful politician: he said that, among other things, you don’t necessarily have to be very intelligent, and a concept like “doubt” is nothing you’ll allow to influence your decisions. Therefore, admitting mistakes is something far beyond the comprehension of politicians (exceptions might confirm the rule here). The same goes for cops, I guess.

    And from the movie “V for Vendetta”:
    “People shouldn’t be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.”

  17. avatar
    eek | 30 March 2009 at 9:24 am #

    Wow! I was just talking with someone about your inner child a few days ago!

    the thing you like about my work
    is the thing you’ll hate about me in person…
    you love that song the disillusionist
    but you dont wanna be personally disillusioned by me

    I’d like to believe I’m pretty good at being able to accept that everyone is a work in progress and as such no one is ever going to be perfect. That really helps to reduce disillusionment. Makes it easier to deal with my own failures too.

    Doesn’t mean there aren’t some people whose very existence just pisses me off though. But hey, everyone has those personality conflicts with some people, right? Right?

    a good friend of mine
    chucked in jail for growing dope in his garden

    Sorry about your friend. The no visitors bit is especially creepy — I hope at least that part changes for him soon. If you want to be cynical about the illegality of many drugs, just think about the huge industry set up around the “war on drugs.” We can’t legalise the stuff — too many people would lose their jobs.

  18. avatar
    iseult | 30 March 2009 at 10:15 am #

    just imagine if you were a child again and you read a never ending book for years and years and it was written by all these characters and you become one yourself and then one day after you have got to know all these characters and they have got to know you, you start to meet them in real life and you realize what true love it is to love the ones whose words you’ve loved and laughed at even though you didn’t know them and that must be real love because its love of the persons spirit and so all the stuff that is in the so called real world, well that is not the real thing at all is it

  19. avatar
    restaurant mark | 30 March 2009 at 2:09 pm #

    great blog today steve. sorry about your friend…it’s ridiculous at best. i think 12 states or so passed laws to allow a certain amount of pot for “medicinal” purposes…which it’s said to be an easy prescription to get…i don’t know for sure though, i’m in georgia. but most hadn’t acted on their own laws because of fear the federal government would still over ride them and arrest people anyway. bush and co. did it on a regular basis in california apparently. but i saw a report last week that obama’s admistration isn’t going to be doing that…so that’s one step in the right direction. and hopefully it’ll lead to other states dicrimilizing it.
    captain mission…very nice comment. smart guy you are.

    take care
    mark

  20. avatar
    CSTCoach | 30 March 2009 at 3:24 pm #

    >we're just older children thats all

    One of the most insightful observations ever written, IMO.

    I'm pushing 37 this year, but I don't feel any different than I did at 15. A bit wiser, perhaps, and better read. But that's all. I still do the same dumb things, still harbour the same unrealistic schemes and dreams (except i'm getting better at convincing people to pay me for these dreams and schemes, hence conferring some sort of misguided legitimacy on me – clearly the joke's on them!).

    Wouldn't have you any other way, killa. The saddest of all my friends are the ones who grew up and started acting all "adult-like". They're just bumbling along too. They simply took on that stiff, boring, "responsible" dullness they assumed went along with the role. Over the years that dullness has solidified into a mold and set. It's not really their fault. It's just how we were taught you had to be.

    Re; your friend, i simply can't fathom how we as a society could lock someone up for growing pot (or anything else, for that matter). Why must the government try to "protect us from ourselves"?? Policing someone's behaviour can never make them a better person. Just like forced conversions to religion in the guise of "saving" someone. You haven't convinced them, you've only broken their spirit.

  21. avatar
    sanfoin | 30 March 2009 at 4:13 pm #

    We persecute our saviors and protectors. . .

    in the name of the “law”, arbitrary conventions, inhumane systems. . .

    stifling the spirit. . .

    throwing punches and hurting ourselves. . .

  22. avatar
    EDD | 30 March 2009 at 4:29 pm #

    Hell Steve, I’ve already been disillusioned by reading this blog and reillusioned again by reading it, too. I think you’re dead on about the law. I don’t find myself justifying alot that goes on in this world. Sorry ’bout yer friend. I just heard that Obama doesn’t think leagalizing weed will help the economy. I don’t think it will either but what’s a better excuse?

  23. avatar
    catchow | 30 March 2009 at 4:33 pm #

    dura lex sed lex…but law often means unfairness…
    i always compare the law to a
    cobweb :little flies get caught
    while big ones go clean through…
    hoping your friend’ll get out of this mess.

  24. avatar
    davem | 30 March 2009 at 5:44 pm #

    I’m really sorry about your mate.
    Arses!
    You’re one more 3 year old I don’t want ever to grow up!!

  25. avatar
    EDD | 30 March 2009 at 7:21 pm #

    I agree Anon at 5:53! You like your laptops cheap and dirty don’t you Steve?

  26. avatar
    EDD | 30 March 2009 at 7:27 pm #

    p.s.: This is not the best burrito I’ve ever had(the one I’m just finishing now)……

  27. avatar
    princey | 30 March 2009 at 9:40 pm #

    Hi sk, I just read about an explosion in Bondi yesterday, they weren’t your block of units were they?! Hope you’re all ok.
    love Amanda

  28. avatar
    Richard | 30 March 2009 at 11:20 pm #

    nice words iseult

    (and one hell of a sentence!)

  29. avatar
    A.M. | 31 March 2009 at 7:44 pm #

    “like you gotta respect your inner child tyrant
    if you wanna get things done”

    What a totally brilliant insight! I was just having a dicussion on this very thing with my dearest friend today.

    Interesting. Love it.


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