posted on April 22, 2008 at 10:01 pm

im giving myself a seven
im giving myself a seven for my singing n joking n
its weird these tv shows
i am able (ironically) to converse in their lingos
but i’ll never be a believer
yet there i was in the green room
sipping my jaeger n getting nervous
led down behind a curtain
they guess my name
im out
the band starts to play my song
sing sing sing
cant hear voice as well as i want to
but you gotta play on
meet hostess whos (supposed) to be dizzy n mouthy
answer some questions…cant remember em now
laughy laughy laughy
then at the end
(my team won) (go the killer!) (go mangey panther!)
i do my “duet” with female guest
its ok we do it ok
suddenly its over!
that was it … assault on showbiz
everybody said i was good
my brother n daughters said good
i ended up at aftershowparty
eating a bowl of minestrone
talking to someone
who didnt realise i was joking
i was saying i wanted my own tv show
called renaissance man
that it would be me in a lonely library
outside a storm lashes the window with rain
a fire burns in the hearth
a golden retriever sits at my feet
a rolled up newspaper in its mouth
i swing round in my chair
dressed in a smoking jacket n cravat
i cradle a pipe in one hand
(sks special smoking blend)
i turn to the camera
i raise an eyebrow
and in my best british upper class accent
(and believe me…i do a jolly good one!)
i say
good eeevening
and welcome to “renaissance man”
the ninny still not realising their leg was being pulled was saying
fuck off now ya talking in an english accent!
oh dear…i really waste my time trying to amuse some people
what else will you talk about ? said the ninny
my world.. i say with a mock expansive gesture
oh yeah whatchya gonna tell my 14 year old then? they said
it wont be for 14 year olds i say…and sighing
such were my attempts at schmoozing..
i chatted briefly with em all
i believe my cheques in the mail
“smaller than you thought too” quips a camera guy
the band thought it was good as well
one of the best shows a bandmember says
hooray for mr showbiz
whooda thunk it
stevie kilbey that olde song n danceman
that quipping quoting singing laughing genie-arse
that avuncular skipping yoga-doing knucklehead
that vague n semi-vegan non-vapid rapid fire old trooper
anyway sit in hotelroom
with minna n john sleeping on in here
at least my kids saw me being a “star” for a minute
at midnight i get in lift
3 people in there
looking at me
they burst out laughing
great show!!!
can we get a picture with ya?
its started…the recognition
next the paparazzi…?
the botox?
the toupe?
the corsets?
bring it on!

30 Responses to “mr showbiz :twinkletoes and a giggle”

  1. avatar
    veleska1970 | 22 April 2008 at 10:55 pm #

    “next the paparazzi…?
    the botox?
    the toupe?
    the corsets?”
    NO NO NO NO, and ummmm….no.

    you don’t want all that. but i know you’re joking, unlike some others. **sigh** “oh dear…i really waste my time trying to amuse some people” yes. because you just go over their puny heads.

    glad you had a good time. it sounded like fun. while the rest of the world will be able to see it in 6 months, i’ll be patiently waiting for when we can over here.

    i noticed something….you got home after midnight, and you’re up before 8. how do you do that??!?!!

    lotza love…..

  2. avatar
    knot | 22 April 2008 at 11:04 pm #

    So come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab. I see you shiver in antici… pation.

    Killer doesn’t sleep, no no

  3. avatar
    knot | 22 April 2008 at 11:09 pm #

    And I am very sorry I have been away. A large number of things have suddenly gone missing or been tragically broken in my universe.
    Forgive me, my brother, for I have sinned. (( again ))

    I would like to see your painting of my old muse Jimbo. I have a magical California story I could tell you about him.

  4. avatar
    the dean | 22 April 2008 at 11:43 pm #

    sounds absurd but that’s entertainment.

  5. avatar
    princey | 22 April 2008 at 11:51 pm #

    Look out, a STAR is born!!!!
    So you won over the crowd AND the game last night, well done sk!!!(just promise you don’t forget the plebs that loved you from the start, like myself, now you’ve hit the “bigtime” okay! – I suppose s.k. now stands for “showbiz killer”!)

    Love Amanda

  6. avatar
    The Carrier of Fruit | 23 April 2008 at 12:24 am #

    Just make sure you remember to wear your undies when you’re out in public.

  7. avatar
    Richard | 23 April 2008 at 12:51 am #

    I read the news of your second coming with mixed feelings.

    When – as now seems inevitable – you are catapulted into the realm of Beyonce and Becks I’ll have no option but to look elsewhere for a favourite artist.

    I’ll have to snootily tell all my kids’ friends that I liked your earlier stuff (all 30 ish years of it!)

    Shouldn’t be too hard to track down another artist with a back catalogue of countless brilliant songs that grows every year.

    dime a dozen really…

  8. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 23 April 2008 at 1:05 am #

    bring that rennaisance man idea up here and over, i will join you with my english accent as well, WE CAN PRODUCE IT!!!
    Jonny Moondog Smythe

  9. avatar
    ml68 | 23 April 2008 at 1:12 am #

    any idea when the show will air? I like to avoid watching TV unless abssolutely necessary.

  10. avatar
    ml68 | 23 April 2008 at 1:13 am #

    absolutely even but abssolutely will do nicely too, for emphasis.

  11. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 23 April 2008 at 4:31 am #

    “good eeevening
    and welcome to “renaissance man”
    the ninny still not realising their leg was being pulled”

    you may be on to something here!…

    “Ninny and the Renaissance Professor”

  12. avatar
    Richard | 23 April 2008 at 5:09 am #

    off topic I know, but at lunchtime I overheard in a radio news bulletin: “scuffles broke out”

    made me wonder what a scuffle looks like – I can only imagine it’s something small and hairy

  13. avatar
    Lebrinho | 23 April 2008 at 6:13 am #

    There should be 14 seasons of “Renaissance man” : D : D The funniest stuff always goes past the people listening..

  14. avatar
    limebeaver | 23 April 2008 at 8:19 am #

    so it was rockwiz… good choice steve, much better than the rubbish version on abc (oz).
    i look forward to seeing you dazzling on the small screen.

  15. avatar
    cloudburst.adrift | 23 April 2008 at 8:20 am #

    🙂 Almost sounds like you enjoyed yourself!

    ah, it’s nice to dabble with the rich & famous occasionally, ain’t it? If only for the free stuff 😉

    Can’t wait to see it – sounds like you did us all proud, as we knew you would.

  16. avatar
    linjo | 23 April 2008 at 8:46 am #

    Go for it Steve. I see a need for a regular rock and roll documentary. You are a such a funny bugger, witty and articulate with a fantastic general knowledge and class. Maybe you could start off with a historical, aussie bands, rise to the top stuff, Dragon, ACDC, Aus Crawl etc. (where are they now?) You’re in the know there to get interviews etc. Maybe later venture o/s and research stories on rock and roll myths etc. Keep plugging away. I look at some of the sport ‘stars’ that have their own shows. Mike Whitney for example, with a voice worse than chalk on the blackboard. Hey where’s Molly these days and Donnie Sutherland (he’s at the race track!). Fingers crossed x

  17. avatar
    Ross B | 23 April 2008 at 9:36 am #

    Looking forward to it! Muchly!!!
    luv ya, r.

  18. avatar
    knot | 23 April 2008 at 10:03 am #

    so renaissance man

    wait upon the hourglass
    shifting sand barbarian
    the greater becomes the lesser half
    silent the way of time that is Past

    as quick as a gliding snake it turned
    white as the poison in the glass
    sad as the moonlight we once drunk
    over the water, gone, absurd.

  19. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 23 April 2008 at 10:11 am #

    well, renaissance man, ay…nah, i see you on a windswept english moor with a tweed jacket and one of those hats on that you used to see in the ‘andy cap’ comics…of course the theraputic pipe and golden retriever would still be there…
    you are a funny bastard, sir kilbee…i love it when you take the piss…
    love always…

  20. avatar
    lily was here | 23 April 2008 at 11:37 am #

    You’re onto something, we havent had a decent music talk show since …radio. Bring in a bit of pisstake humour, a walk on the wild side, travels with my aunt, chewin’ the fat with your friends (ie Sam Sejavka could come into your tv loungeroom), books, art & movies you’ve loved and hated, the Bernard Black of SBS. Actually you and Molly together would be hilarious. He’d be your Manny, ha. Dying to see this show, will tape it for everyone who cant view it.
    love x
    ps Tried some bikram yoga on the weekend, in Darlinghurst, so hot, but I felt SO good afterwards. I cant get to anymore classes of course so I think you should add yoga to your new tv show 🙂

  21. avatar
    golden thorn in my paw | 23 April 2008 at 12:33 pm #

    congratulations.If only the show were real I could think of nothing better than that. “today we discuss the use of opiates by Yeats and colridge and how this effected thier work. my special guests will be Geniss P Orrige and Julian cope”. and now a word from our sponcer

  22. avatar
    Melby Symon | 23 April 2008 at 12:40 pm #

    dear oh dear oh dear oh dear…

    is the start of the end…are we going to lose our Time Being to trappings, glitz and glamour of showbiz. Me thinks not either..but it is really good that you seemed to enjoy it all again…even if for only a moment.

  23. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 23 April 2008 at 1:51 pm #

    er sorry, please check one back (missed teak) for notes from Rockwiz attendee, mistakenly left back there by one who gets lost all too regularly

  24. avatar
    CSTCoach | 23 April 2008 at 3:02 pm #

    nicely done 🙂

    really glad to hear all went well – as expected.

    bring on ‘renaissance man’!!!!

  25. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 23 April 2008 at 3:18 pm #

    Wren-a-Seance Man… Alright Killah, I’m all in on this hand. Let’s draw up some plans and get these $100 checks rollin’ in. This Kilbey something we could all get behind n push.

    Dream Martin

  26. avatar
    markobears | 23 April 2008 at 3:24 pm #

    I’d go for an Oz version of hannah montanna. I know that sounds bad but her tickets are sold out here before a show is even announced.

  27. avatar
    davem | 23 April 2008 at 6:41 pm #

    Hi SK.
    Glad it went well.
    Chuck me the toupe when you’ve finished with it?

  28. avatar
    Cee | 23 April 2008 at 8:12 pm #

    i was saying i wanted my own tv show
    called renaissance man

    don’t laugh, we can do that on public access…no worries!

  29. avatar
    verdelay | 23 April 2008 at 8:22 pm #

    Put me down for “Renaissance Man”
    You’re in a library
    So you’re gonna need librarians
    Good ones
    Esoteric librarians
    Librarians who look good surrounded by the mystic accoutrements of John Dee and varied Victoriana bric-a-brac
    I’m one
    Hairy Fleurs himself
    In his workaday incarnation
    Down amongst the spidery tomes
    Full of pink magic
    Dearest Isolt is another, I believe
    The two of us could be on call
    Consultants of the otherworld
    Able to incarnate history and invert physics
    Able to call up the most obscure references
    And daemons
    With but a flutter of our butterfly fingers
    You name your whim
    We’ve got it in multiple formats
    Available to download
    Digest and
    Just like that
    In a blinking eye, with a wink
    The two of us very photogenic but not generic
    Distinctive but not unangelic
    Unapolagetically professional
    But infused with the kinda showbiz pizazz required for yonder gig

    I’ll get my people to talk to your people.

  30. avatar
    eek | 23 April 2008 at 10:49 pm #

    I’m glad it went well. Just reading about it made me laugh, so I’m certainly looking forward to seeing it somewhere down the road and getting to grin happily all over again.

    You know with this and the Carmody and Triffids gigs earlier this year you’re going to get a reputation as a super guy to work with and watch/listen to. That has to be a good thing.

    And on a little different subject — if you like SK’s art and aren’t already on the SK art site mailing list, now would be a very good time to sign up. People on that list get the newest SK art info (such as the details on the SK exhibit coming up in June) and sometimes get additional perks too (hint, hint). click here to sign up

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