posted on May 24, 2007 at 5:42 am

saw the prestige last nite
whatta load of laughable tripe
what a waste of re-sauces
oh i wish i could get that budget
and make film about magic at the turn
of the twentieth century
containing the olde identical twin switcheroonie
yeah that tiresome olde malarkey ya seen on a dozen soapies
and a machine that duplicates human beans….yipes!!!!
built by ziggy czardust nun the less
wow
huge jackmann..hes a bit of an enig, ma
as the wolverine …wow!!
as anybody else hes kinda…i dunno
i mean christ i envy his abs n his milly-yons
but i think hes just a bit soppy or something
he shoulda taken a leaf outta clint eastwards book
and tried to stick to tuff roles
anyway
real disappointed with this half baked pudding
and hope the illusionist is better
but im sure its silly too…eventually
i guess the thing i think is silly
is the thing most people like
and the thing i like
most people really dont want it
“ridiculous” my dad used to say
we were watching a film on the telly
about this magician
and my dad was quite enjoying it i guess
when suddenly something happened
i dunno the magician flew or something
“thats bloody ridiculous, son” says dad
and thats the end of it
“its like theyre making it up as they go along” he says
putting the boot in in one last statement
before getting up n going to bed
howcome i always liked things like that
my dad liked things to all be squared away come end of film
no david lynch type sudden bang! cop that! everythings different !
he wanted to know why that bloke could speak such good german
that he could fool the high german nazi command
with his eton german and impersonate the gerries
“i tell ya son, the germans werent that bloody stupid”
he didnt like it that the cowboys never got their hats knocked off in fights
or when they said, clutching their arms
“dont worry its a flesh wound”
“when a bloke gets shot like that it’d blow ‘is bloody arm off” said dad
who i guess had seen it..
“‘e wouldnt be standing there like that” dad said
anyway
im not like that
i want it unexplained about unexplainable things
thats what films are for
i saw a film about mr houdini
who as you know is a major obsession of mine
and
i was bemused to see a scene
where houdini is sitting in the bathy
and his wife sits down on him
and says
youre not the only one who can make things disappear
cmon
did we have to have “patter” like that
in a film about a man who i reckons wife
did not say things like that at all
but who knows
and why tarnish their reputation with something as feeble as that?
oh a film about houdini should be mysterious
not stony curtis neither…
oh i see it in my head
twilight mysterioso
starring as houdini
the time being
as the old houdini just before his demise
huge jackmanne can play young houdini
and this time we’ll get it right
play down the love interest schmaltzy bullshit most of us hate
give the thing more magical marvellous muscle
a surrealist kick up the ass
dont explain nothin’
just let it bee baybee
and if ya dont dig this mess
you got the wrong address
or i could play the older crowley
the great beast himself
or both of em
who are actually twin brothers
an evil twin
you betcha
hell throw nicky tesla back in there
i can play triplets
huey duey n wackatooey
someone fer chrissake gimme a billion bux
anda breef to make a magic movie
i’ll edit it all on my imovie just like the guy in tarnation
and that was best visual movie i ever scene
(great when he does diviner)
i’ll film it on an olde camera i found at the bondi st vinnies
write the script?
yep
do make up?
if i want it
catering?
yes…tomato sandwiches
producing?
yep and executive as well (whatever that means)
director cameraman n best boy?
me me me
anything else?
dont worry i’ll take care ov it
im actioning it!
give me some kind of some thing please
take my script i havent written yet
cos i know theyll never read it
its a phenomenon in my head
you aint seen nothin’ like it
you prob’ly never will
and i did all the stunts
steve, is there anything up yer sleeve?

54 Responses to “murder magic and the weather”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 6:49 am #

    You can talk to matt davison about it….he runs the NZ film industry doesn’t he?

    TV

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 6:58 am #

    I’d rather recommend a kilo of shit skag into your coast than a cuppa with Matt D.

  3. avatar
    craig1.618 | 24 May 2007 at 7:16 am #

    -nicky tesla as steven kilbey
    -steven kilbey as harry houdini
    -gold-chain record exec as j.p. morgan fucking it all up……. going around sayin’, “if i can’t put a meter on it, i’m not interested”

    -sort of a “pan’s labyrinth” meets “naked lunch” meets “what the bleep do we know”

    speaking of ” what the bleep”………. did you ever see that film sk? personally i dug it…….in my hyperdimensional-physics quantum-loving way…..in fact, i’d say it’s one of my favorite films…….nice, imaginative, and heady

  4. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 24 May 2007 at 7:22 am #

    Nice comments. I don’t know how you deal with it Steve.
    Anyway – I tend to agree with you about The Prestige. Quite disappointed – though I do like Christian Bale. A couple of years ago I saw Hugh Jackman on Broadway in New York and was absolutely stunned by his singing and dancing abilities – shocking huh? I mean, I didn’t even want to go see this stupid show and the man blew me away; I was truly in awe of his talent. He is rather tiny in person though.
    I saw The Illusionist – my problem was I guessed the whole ‘trick’ so to speak right at the beginning so the film held no suspense for me. Still, Ed Norton is fun to watch.
    I tend to do the same thing your dad did when watching movies. I’m sitting there thinking, “he’s been shot but keeps running along, when really, all of his intestines would likely be hanging out.”
    Oh the joy of the movies – a fool’s paradise – suspend all disbelief and you’re right as rain!
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

  5. avatar
    FANDORIN | 24 May 2007 at 8:42 am #

    The Illusionist was 100 minutes of wasted time, an unmitigated disaster of a movie. I was angry about it even 3 days later. Watch these theatralic gestures when they’re fishing that dead lady out of the water. Boohoo. This was probably the worst movie I’ve seen in a long time. There’s more visual magic, stringent logic and acting in the Enmore deeveedee. I mean, you don’t expect logic to appear in a film about magicians, do you, but even the breaks of logic were so laughable…

    the main actor, what is his name, Norton, he’s got that castrato voice, and whenever he opens his mouth I saw Kermit the frog. The other actor, the one with the donkey nose, Marullio, Dilillo, Panulli? something like that, he tends to start screaming to make things look serious…hehe…and he is responsible for the most ridiculous, silly “maniac film laughter” ever. Never a good idea to end something with “bruhahahaha”. There must be a reason why “Grind” is there, stuck at the end of G.A.F.?!

    But the most unholy and idiotic thing was to locate “Vienna” in Prague. Did you recognize the place? No, we were short on time. This is what really annoys me, some spoilt brat director deciding “noone will recognize it’s clearly the world-famous presidential castle of Prague”, just let us call it Vienna. Like doing a film about Rome with the Eiffel tower clearly visible (it gives that really weird Euro feeling, doesn’t it?).

    Bah!

    The film you were talking about is a Rolls Royce of a movie in comparison to the Illusio-fucking-nist.

    Have a nice day. And do some magic. Here’s how to, according to the Ill..:

    – Sit down
    – Close your eyes
    – Concentrate
    – do that Bela Lugosi claw shtick with your hand
    – Frown
    – Wait for the ethereal byootee to appear.

    She appeared? Well’ it’s probably your wife trying to find out what’s wrong with you.

  6. avatar
    FANDORIN | 24 May 2007 at 9:08 am #

    btw listening to mimesis yesterday, and totally drowning in sounds, drones and voices…. the CD mushroomed me out! I like my drones extra-deep and spacious. And then the whole universe transforms into a double bass and piano before leaving the sphere again….
    And yes, meet with Davison – who is it anyway? The composer? I ordered your mother’s pot book. Now waiting…

  7. avatar
    zebob | 24 May 2007 at 9:43 am #

    Aside from Jessica Biel’s behind and Rufus Sewell’s acting, the Illusionist was a bust. It absolutely crumples at the end. But we do get another glance at Ms. Biel’s posterior near the closing credits, so it’s not all bad.
    -z

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 9:58 am #

    Yeah, when the Fonz jumped over the shark, when the poltergeist was in the barn on the Walton’s – & now the psychic link between Beale’s twins on Eastenders.
    TV fuck off!!!

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 10:10 am #

    Oh sk, please don’t bag Clint Eastwood, he’s my favourite actor (well his 60’s & 70’s movies I love, god he was gorgeous – anything after that..blah! especially those flicks with his baboon co-star, yuk!) “Play Misty For Me is my all time fave!! Long live Clint!

    Love always,
    Amanda

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 10:50 am #

    Wellummm…i havent seen the prestige and i suppose after what ive read i wont…dont watch a lot of tv either..would rather read when i have the time…i admit to being a RABID X FILES FAN!!!!love all of the aliens and gribblies in it and the lone gunmen are classics…there, thats one of my shameful secrets…promise you wont tell anybody ok?
    -The Hellbound Heart

  11. avatar
    restaurant mark | 24 May 2007 at 11:52 am #

    are you about to get into the movie biz steve? love to see what you’d do…but it’s gonna be hard directing, producing and making the sandwiches…

    take care

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 12:03 pm #

    Steve, admit it, you loved Barry Windsor-Smith’s Pre-raphaelite comic art in the 70s, didn’t you?

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 12:10 pm #

    Peter Walsh was on a BBC documentary about Scott Walker the other night. You reckon there was more chance of Walsh looking out of the tv and starting to talk about Heyday than there is of Steve ever spouting off about it?!

  14. avatar
    veleska1970 | 24 May 2007 at 1:08 pm #

    mmmm….movies. the ultimate escapism.

    but it’s an escapism i don’t partake in anymore. ugghh~~the life of a busy mom. the last few movies i saw were all kids movies, the most recent being a movie about a dancing penguin, “happy feet” i think it was?? i rarely have time to watch tv for 10 minutes let alone go to the movies. 🙁 methinks time for myself is in order.

    well, steve, you’ve been in a play, so the cinema would be the next logical step. and i’d definitely make time to go see you!!!

    lotza love….

  15. avatar
    CSTCoach | 24 May 2007 at 1:40 pm #

    very interested to hear about all the new projects in yestadays blog. a new solo album would be great – i really like dabble. isidore 2 long awaited. and a new choich cd?

    read a biography of houdini once, and became obsessed with getting a straight jacket to try some escapes. a neighbour was a nurse at a big mental hospital, and she said they didn’t use them anymore, but there may be one “lying around in an old closet somewhere”… Sure. Never did get it, though.

    tea with mattd? sure, why not?

    ryan

  16. avatar
    John Garratt | 24 May 2007 at 2:07 pm #

    Veleska,

    I recently talked to a dad who loves movies and took his girls to go see “Happy Feet.”

    He held up the ticket stub, said to me “Never, ever see ‘Happy Feet,'” and threw the stub in the trash.

    John

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 2:29 pm #

    If you have a cuppa with Matty D Killer, can you bring a chair please? 🙂

  18. avatar
    mandn | 24 May 2007 at 2:52 pm #

    don’t set your sights too high for the Illusionist either Orpheus.

    Both are entireably watchable, but not believable.
    Fun for a few moments, but not the best movies out there.

    and it’s HuuuugeAckman.
    At leat that’s what my friends and I call him.
    Did you know, HJ hapens to live upstairs from
    Mr. B (aka Ziggy) Himself? tis true

    xo
    Mary

  19. avatar
    mandn | 24 May 2007 at 2:53 pm #

    oh I forgot to mention, I ADORE Christian Bale.
    Always have since Empire of the Sun 20+ years ago

    xo
    Mary

  20. avatar
    mandn | 24 May 2007 at 2:53 pm #

    oh I forgot to mention, I ADORE Christian Bale.
    Always have since Empire of the Sun 20+ years ago

    xo
    Mary

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 3:16 pm #

    Have you read “The Deptford Trilogy” by Robertson Davies, Steve? Or “His Dark Materials” by Philip Pullman? Both brilliantly written accounts of fiction about magic and realism. Danny “Bond” Craig is playing Lord Asriel in the Golden Compass this December. Without the controversial religioun elements, it surely may suffer in quality. If it can’t be done right, time to do it for one’s self. Would look forward to Kilbey’s own take on the whole mess.

  22. avatar
    the chowman | 24 May 2007 at 3:18 pm #

    When I saw the previews for the movie The Illusionist, the only thing I thought of is that they should have made The Disillusionist. Starring you, of course…

  23. avatar
    r. ennisford | 24 May 2007 at 3:22 pm #

    Dear Craig 1618 & others who keep mentioning that “What the Bleep…” movie. Sorry to say I loathed it and thought it was one cringe-inducing embarassment from beginning to end. Cheers.

  24. avatar
    Emily Teechen | 24 May 2007 at 3:22 pm #

    Yeah, Christian Bale is hOT. Who could forget him in American Psycho? And he he made Batman in “Begins”. I like watching Huge Ackman in the “extras” of the dvd of Van Helsing, which is riddled with Aussies – Richard Roxburgh as Dracula, David Wenham as, believe it or nuts, Igor… the outtakes are really funny. It’s totally b-grade, but then I’m a b-grade kind of girl. Even so, the Prestige was kind of wet… I think Huge singing “I Go to Rio” as Peter Allen would have been damn fab though. He can saddle my pony anytime.

  25. avatar
    Emily Teechen | 24 May 2007 at 3:25 pm #

    speaking of stupid names for famous people, my lesbian friend in Brisbane has a great name for the SBS (Australian TV) newsreader Anton Enus. He is Handsome Penis.

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 3:35 pm #

    That’s weird, I really enjoyed the Prestige…but I guess I don’t appreciate the cinema like some refined intellectuals.

  27. avatar
    fantasticandy | 24 May 2007 at 3:45 pm #

    tea? with matt? why not?
    you could invite paul and dutch.
    then it would be a party
    wouldn’t it?

  28. avatar
    Tommy Gunn | 24 May 2007 at 4:16 pm #

    Two must see movies are

    – Little Miss Sunshine

    – Stanger than Fiction ( a bit far fetched, and it has some holes, nut I loved the idea).

  29. avatar
    Tommy Gunn | 24 May 2007 at 4:17 pm #

    Oh….and I almost forgot Bubba Ho-Tep …….Bruce Campbell is the Church of the film biz……totally and utterly underatted….

  30. avatar
    veleska1970 | 24 May 2007 at 4:18 pm #

    yeah, john garrett, it was not exactly the best i’ve seen, LOL. but my daughter loved it. so i guess that’s all that mattered…. 🙂

  31. avatar
    dean9000 | 24 May 2007 at 4:24 pm #

    I would like to see you in the next season of Lost…. You could take Charlie’s place who was offed in the season finale…

  32. avatar
    PAIN AND SUFFERING | 24 May 2007 at 5:08 pm #

    stop all this movie talk madness, when is it my turn to shine???
    Jonny Moondog

  33. avatar
    kat | 24 May 2007 at 5:16 pm #

    sk,
    i just drove by some place in bellevue that was called the tea party!! ;]=~~

    i haven’t seen any movies in awhile. to be honest, i am much happier taking in the grateful dead live at winterland, or pearl jam at the garden, or beatles anthology, etc. it suits my a.d.d. much better!!

    tho i wish it were the church, it IS time to rock out tonite at the kings of leon show. ;]

  34. avatar
    JJ | 24 May 2007 at 5:45 pm #

    Have not seen The Prestige, besides, who could watch Scarlett Johannsen? (insert wink here) Perhaps Scarlett Kilbey will fill the role in a remake years from now.

    Did see The Illusionist, and also thought “The Disillusionist” would be a better title, with lyrics forming the basis of a script. This one goes to schmaltz in the end, but had it’s moments for me….overall, not bad but didn’t achieve it’s potential. Watchable.

    Coincidences: Just saw History Channel program on Eric Weiss; impressed that his widow tried for 10 years on the Halloween anniv. of his death to contact him through Seances, finally conceding, “Turn on the lights – Harry is not coming back.” There’s a clip of modern-day devotees of HH (Penn Gilette, Copperfield, et al) at a re-creation Seance, with same denoument. Kept switching to auction of his stuff; Copperfield owns a large cache of HH treasures. Great show.

  35. avatar
    stealthblue | 24 May 2007 at 6:11 pm #

    Wow! Actually, I liked The Prestige…especially Bowie as Tesla. That was pretty cool. Of course, I always enjoy watching good ole’ Michael Cane, one of my faves as far as actors go. I just thought over all, it was a pretty good “period” piece.

    Now…the Illusionist…SUCKED! I mean, it wasn’t the worst movie I have seen this year, but it certainly wasn’t one I would even see again. I guess the cast was good, but it just got SO HOKEY at the end. Yes, I dig Jessica Biel too! 🙂 Maybe it was because I saw The Prestige first, I dunno, but I just couldn’t get around that ending. (SK, don’t want to ruin it for you though) Who knows, you might dig it.

    Hope everyone’s doing OK and havin’a good week. Take care, all.

    Cheers,
    Ben V.

  36. avatar
    davem | 24 May 2007 at 6:39 pm #

    Films.
    Rebecca. Yum. “Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again……”
    Close my eyes and my Mum is still with me.

    xx

  37. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 May 2007 at 7:54 pm #

    Since the subject is movies and television it is important to accentuate how to get a Church song to be the theme music for a popular movie or television. “Numbers” and “Two Places At Once” would be examples. There are several emotional songs by the Church that would be idyllic for drama movies and television series.

  38. avatar
    mahatma kane jeeves | 24 May 2007 at 8:10 pm #

    i thought you’d already seen the illusionist on the plane back from europe and liked it. this may be wrong – and another sympton of my pot addled memory – i’d go back through the blog to confirm but i can’t be bothered – and this may be another symptom of my pot addled get-up-and-go

  39. avatar
    snowfaller | 24 May 2007 at 8:17 pm #

    In general, movies are a big waste of time and money…

  40. avatar
    the dean | 24 May 2007 at 10:58 pm #

    The best way to watch a film is to miss the first 45 minutes.
    It really adds mystery to the plot.

  41. avatar
    ed in fl | 24 May 2007 at 11:09 pm #

    These are your best kind of posts…very funny. BTW have you read the latest Houdini book yet?

    ed in fl

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 May 2007 at 11:17 pm #

    Now, you know I’m not one to gossip (or give advice) but since you brought up the subject of Hugh Jackman…..my sister used to go out with him for a while. Just before he got famous. They were seeing each other when he got the job on the melbourne series ‘Corelli’ which is widely thought to have been his spring board to fame.
    Anyhoo, he met the gal he eventually got married to on the series so needless to say the thing with my sis fizzled out. My Dad at the time said ‘probably a good thing, those actors never have 2 cents to rub together!’ I think she was upset but not heartbroken. The series came on TV and I watched the first episode of it with her. At the end I said….’it’s a shame that one got away, sis, becuase he’s going to be the next Mel Gibson!’ and lo and behold….he lapped Mel Gibson about 4 years ago!

    As an aside, my sis still says he was lovely and the nickname we used for him was Hugh Jorgan…..

    B.Bon

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 May 2007 at 12:06 am #

    Couldnt agree more on The Prestige & Huge Jackman – fukn bile & he’s not much good at The Wolverine in my opinion.
    You shoulda seen Andrew Denton docco on the right wing religous movement in America – now that was entertainment.

    Dutch Pierre

  44. avatar
    localalien | 25 May 2007 at 12:07 am #

    I’m with you on the wishing for the unexplained or “ridiculous” element in films. Hell, at this point I just want good use of subtlety. Hollywood uses subtlety ehhhh…not at all. They go for the “hit em with a locomotive” stuff. The films that make $$$ are the ones that spoon-feed you every fucking thing. Nothing left for the imagination.

  45. avatar
    todd goninon | 25 May 2007 at 3:23 am #

    Kilbey,

    develop your vision.

    For example, how do you see the lead role of Nikola Tesla?

  46. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 25 May 2007 at 4:06 am #

    Arrived home tonight to watch the nightly, political program ” Chicago Tonight”. It’s music was the vintage instrumental segment of “Under The Milky Way”. I am sensing that The Church will be internationally rediscovered ! Just a feeling !

  47. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 25 May 2007 at 4:56 am #

    michael cane
    …hed be my guy if i was doin a
    “what if Lennon had lived ” film

    hed make a great old john..

  48. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 May 2007 at 6:06 am #

    a film with CLASS!Youd better not.Then hollywood would have to raise the bar……..xxxxxxgenx

  49. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 May 2007 at 6:19 am #

    i thought the illusionist was great. very well done.

  50. avatar
    verdelay | 25 May 2007 at 6:40 am #

    I’d like to see a film set in ancient Egypt. One where they decide not to dress everybody up like they’re in a Bangles video.

    Akenaten?

    It’s gotta be done.

  51. avatar
    isolde | 25 May 2007 at 6:46 am #

    my sister is friends with the owner of the dog who played the dog of the character played by hugh jackman in paperback hero and the word is he is a good bloke, i thought the dog was a good actor though

  52. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 May 2007 at 6:49 am #

    Isolde,

    I think that makes us…..almost related then!!!

    B.Bon

  53. avatar
    What’s good for the hierophant is good for the magus | 25 May 2007 at 7:02 am #

    Special treat for beloved readers:

    A random tour through mem’s virtual ipod:
    (not hoping to start virtual trends here, jeesh..)

    1. Marilyn Manson – Personal Jesus (remix)

    O, God. I knew this would be reveling, let’s hope I don’t have to further explain.

    2. Un-known Artist – I’m getting Nothing for X-mas

    Where and what the heck? “I’m getting nothing for x-mas, Mommy and Daddy are mad, cause I ain’t been nothin’ but bad…” now this is sick….

    3. Vangelis – Mythodea: Movement 5

    yea, aint I-tunes great, this was my second or third virtual purchase. I will buy ‘Atom Heart Mother’ soon. I rediscoved Vangelis after falling in love with the sound track from Alexander. Mythodea was the album commissioned by NASA to fly to Mars. Big sounds and Shmaltz. Yum.

    4. skip
    (ya, it’s you…)

    5. Bach – aria 29, Goldberg Variations

    now this is da shit. Did I mention Bach and I are twins? (born 282 years apart). Goldberg Vars have to be among the most eluding but simply sublime works of the Master… its that fetish of counterpoint: “same song” – “different day” in a hundred-million ways… who’d a thunk… Musical Offering is great if you listen to it backwards, but even better… who knew you could say so much in a song… acquired taste, but mad men think differently…

    6. NIN – God Given

    first I-tune purchase. Few enjoyable listens, (not bad from NIN considering the linage of shit, same shit but slightly more aromatic) but might never have listened to it again…

    7. (you) Chromium

    Lovely metal this time of year, needles and witches… you just can’t write that shit, always wonder which one of you is him… is newspaper taxi still about… I should look around… wonderful time that came out, I remember exactly what paintings where coming out of me then, some of my best to date…

    8. Bach – Von Himmal hoch da komn ich her 03
    (just an interlude)

    9. (you) Block

    Alright, lets talk memory. I had two weeks to submit a film to LIHG film fest in nyc. I spent two weeks straight on every computer I own, creating a mishmash of images – I know you remember cause I asked ya for a sound-clip to use… and you wouldn’t believe what I did with it… (that’s when the Ink of the Gospel of Judas was still fesh too) that BLOCK ep was in an out non-stop… there was no fuckin-more surreal time I can remember…

    Ok. The morning I go to fedex the whole thing is gone. I’m lock out. 2-weeks of insanity gone in an instant. I did however salvage the “peyote-flower” mix you can see on youtube (303image) should send you the DVD cause I don’t know if ya eva’ seen it in its pristine form…

  54. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 27 May 2007 at 2:02 pm #

    Man, I’m glad i went back to this comments trail… Some great stuff here my fine fellows!


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