posted on May 20, 2006 at 9:39 pm

poor olde sk
his back still aint fixxed
i had acupuncture
i had chiropracter
i had physiotherapist
i had massage
no better
becoming despondent
not least
that i gotta get onna plane to europe
on wednesday
i cant sitting in one spot
for 5 minutes
let alone a 30 hour flight
in a tin can
squashed in between the fat lady and the fidgetty kids
or the nervous alcoholic and the crying babies
(insert pasenger from hell here)
i hate fucking flying
i loathe fucking flying
once i merely disliked it
but after the chchurs experience
on the plane when the engine exploded
im not so keen on the friendly skies
“we have suffered catastrophic engine damage”
came on the cap’ns voice
wouldnt very bad or terrible been enuff
did he have to say catastrophic
the guy next to me(mr d lane)
starting railing against his fate
“what am i doing on this fuckin’ plane…
i knew it was gonna crash”
mwp across the aisle leans over
well olde bean , been nice knowing you…
see you on the other side..
timmy p says
i dont mind us dying
but what about our kidsss?
the captain says
we gonna return to melbourne
we should be able to fly with one engine
an irishman behind me says
if that one blows we could be up here all day….
(no, that was a little levity, folks)
i started praying
i started chanting
hare krishna
hare krishna
please god
im commending my spirit into yer hands
the plane begins its turn around
fucking hell
it just hangs there limp in the sky
like it aint got the steam to do it
ok ok
finally we make it
but im so over flying now
ive flown a billion flights
sydney singapore london stockholm
new york la rome paris
i had more jet lag than
dutch pierres had hot dinners
im scared, ok?
i dont mind who knows it
im scared!
i hate the air on airpl;anes
i hate the food
i hate the gay aussie stewards
who wake yer up for a sausage ommelette
at 3 in the morning
or the captains who blast onto the
“relaxation” channell
to tell ya that baghdad is just to the right of the cabin
i hate the queues and the suspicion
i hate the searches
i hate the customs
its a miserable thing
and now my back has locked up
or my lock has backed up
so i aint no happy flyer, fiendss
im chicken hearted wreck
im a landlubbing scaredy cat
so pity me
on wednesday
yeah im looking forward to seeing budapest
and playing at dublin village
(answering yer question, lee!)
but i do not wanna fly
its gonna be purgatory
see what i go thru
for your sakes fiendss
it aint all dancing on clouds
i love ya

39 Responses to “my achey brakey back”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 May 2006 at 10:32 pm #

    I’m scared to death flying. Hate it. My last flight was flying out to California to see The Church play for the AENT tour, at least it wasn’t 30 hours.

  2. avatar
    eek | 20 May 2006 at 10:44 pm #

    I remember you were really stressed before flying to the US for the FY tour. I really feel for you. I hate flying and only do it grudgingly. But I do so appreciate your willingness to do it to tour, even though you hate it.

    I’ll convene a special session of the SKSC to send good travel vibes your way.

    If you remember, we promised special thoughts and encouragement to get you to Atlanta for the FY tour. It worked that time so we’ll pull out all the stops again for this flight too.

    We’ll also do the good vibes thing for your back. So sorry to hear it’s still aching.

  3. avatar
    12str | 20 May 2006 at 10:49 pm #

    oh man!
    its just gets worse with age!
    had a bad flight in thailand a couple of months ago..
    turbulence,thunder and shit..
    then being safe on the ground (we thought) we had a taxidriver from hell taking us through bangkok like a stoned stuntdriver….
    i thought it was armagiddeon time!
    end of days,final countdown, you name it!
    finally when we thought it couldnt get any worse,we found ourselves stranded on a street waiting for our somehow slightly delayed relative to pick us up, a fucking tropical storm rose from a clear sky,throwing coconuts, branches and bucketfull of rain on us..
    at last the relative arrived in his ice cold vehicle(the ac was broken on iceage climat)and brought us into safe havens.
    i never been so cold in my entire life….

    oh now im babbeling again..

    have a safe journey man!
    see you somewhere in europe..
    (preferably sweden..?) 😉


  4. avatar
    mike a | 20 May 2006 at 11:01 pm #

    I hope your back gets better!!

  5. avatar
    Fandorin | 20 May 2006 at 11:17 pm #

    while you’re at it, fly to Berlin, Brussels or Bochum to receive a hand-written, gold-tinted version of my forthcoming official ULTC review, which is a positive one, as you can imagine. And bring your sitar.

  6. avatar
    persephone2u | 20 May 2006 at 11:24 pm #

    OK, so I’m the strange one here who is always happiest when she’s high up in the sky over the clouds, in motion, flying to someplace distant. But I’ve not had a pilot ever announce that there was catastrophic engine damage either — this may very will indeed hinder my enjoyment of travel!

    Gee, I fly out on the next Wednesday to Europe and loathe security as well as all the rigamorale one has to go through at the airports and the silly people seated beside you that declare you their new best friend and tell you the story of their life…and that’s if you’re REALLY lucky. 😉

  7. avatar
    damien | 20 May 2006 at 11:40 pm #

    Any time you want to swap jobs, Steve, just give me a call.

    I’ll take your place as jetsetting rock star, bad back and all.

    You can play high school English teacher.

    So, do we have a deal?

  8. avatar
    RA | 20 May 2006 at 11:43 pm #

    I so wanna see you in Dublin.. but I’d rather you didn’t have to have the pain as part of fulfilling that ….

    All i can promise you in return is gentle appreciation and an even gentler hug when i see you.



  9. avatar
    General Catz | 20 May 2006 at 11:58 pm #

    so sorry to hear of this. my back often locks up before i fly, a leftover of fear of flying. a subconscious kick in the pants i could do without. best to you.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 May 2006 at 12:42 am #

    why don’t you take a boat?

  11. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 21 May 2006 at 1:18 am #

    Thanks for your honesty – probably more people dislike flying than like it. I feel so badly for you; I too hate flying with a passion and also had an engine explode over the ocean coming home to LAX from Hawai’i. Yep. There’s nothing like hearing THAT sound, plus having all the electricity in your plane go out to make your fear and hatred of flying better! I admit it, I cannot fly without taking a tranquilizer. I am afraid I’ll either get up and panic, run screaming down the aisle or kill a passenger because they are so annoying. The last flight I took was from Paris to L.A. and the le customs shitheads TORE my carry on bag apart like I had “I am a terrorist” written on my forehead, making me almost miss the plane. I was so tired, in so much pain, I literally sat for 12 hours in my seat and didn’t get up once. Which I don’t recommend. BAD for your legs. And back.

    Jesus, 30 hours. What can be done for your back….it sounds as if you’ve tried everything natural and good for ya – we could all do group prayer and see if the energy makes its way to your back! Well, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I don’t want to offend you, as I know you are quite particular about drugs, but would you consider, just this once, a muscle relaxant or some other Rx drug just to get you through the flight? I don’t know what you are willing to take, have taken, or cannot take. I just feel for you. Perhaps a miracle will happen before Wednesday. You never know.

    Whatever happens, I wish you the best, for your back, and all plane engines.


  12. avatar
    verdelay | 21 May 2006 at 1:25 am #

    I’m surprised you even still believe in flying.

    It’s absurd.

    You think that enormous steel tube is going to just LIFT ITSELF INTO THE AIR like that?

    Get outta town.

    I don’t believe it for a second.

    No, ‘flying’ is just the name they give to something far STRANGER than simply elevating into the stratosphere at great speed and circumnavigating the globe in a sleepy metal box.

    ‘Flying’ is a distortion of time and space. A mind thing. To deal with the SHEER PARADOX of time distortion, the memorymind is filled with images of the ULTRAMUNDANE: Sitting in an uncomfortable seat. Watching a hollywood movie. Eating plastic. Pissing in a hissing bucket. All that hoakum.

    When really, what’s actually going on is a PROFOUND TEMPORAL SHIFT in which the ‘body’ is shifted through SPACETIME via some weird vortex thingee. Or something.

    Actually I don’t know how it works. To be honest.

    But I know that there’s no actual ‘flying’ involved. What a load of auld codswallop!

    So there’s never any real danger of falling out of the sky. You’re not actually IN the sky. You’re just travelling through SPACETIME in your MIND. There is no spoon.

    Relax. Sit back. Let the illusion take hold. Roll with it. Work on your spine with your attentional energy for a bit. Meditate. It’s a good opportunity to think of nothing else but…nothing.

    It’ll be okay. Really it will.

    Unlike other similar MINDFUCK experiences, things actually get better when you COME DOWN…

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 May 2006 at 1:26 am #

    hope your
    back’s feeling
    much better
    by Wednesday
    I do appreciate
    that it’s not
    all dancing
    on the clouds
    thank you sk
    love you

  14. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 21 May 2006 at 2:19 am #

    i hate flying as well, always have to have a couple drinks to settle me down, plus i’m scared of heights, but i’ll do anything to be with you, well almost anything,
    i will be praying for you as now i always do…

  15. avatar
    CSTCoach | 21 May 2006 at 2:28 am #


    a package on its way in the mail for yer back, but i don’t think it will arrive in Bondi by wednesday 🙁

    Safe travels, man.


  16. avatar
    rubikon | 21 May 2006 at 2:35 am #

    Hope the old back gets better soon – the old Fender bass is not the lightest instrument in the world.

  17. avatar
    lilly pfizer roche | 21 May 2006 at 3:25 am #

    Drugs are tools, as much as xanax (might help relax the muscles in your back too)or sleeping are something you don’t want to turn into a habbit, these are sort of occasions (in short burst) that can come in handy, I think they are probably less harmful than the poisonous effects of a panic attack. That’s my experience anyway. I’ve got a couple of friends that had a fear of flying, then one time they took xanax(the only time they do) and now they actually look forward to the flights just so they can get tranquilized.
    I don’t know, xanax, headphones a good book, what do you think?
    I do have to say that tranquilizers can be insidiously evil though,if taken for longer than a couple of weeks.

  18. avatar
    juniper | 21 May 2006 at 4:01 am #

    Valerian root works, too….and sorry to hear about your back…those heat pads for pain might be of assistance…also, I’m that fat lady on the plane….the one who is self conscious and tries not to invade your space…only, trouble is, I must be comfy– because it’s happened where people lean over into my space and fall asleep on me….I only hope they’re not smelly! 🙂 If possible, a swim and a slice of spacecake before the flight are nice. Some scientists/physicists/mathematicians are religious, too….I always find it interesting when I’m in peoples’ homes to look at their bookshelves and then later spot icons on their walls….Best of luck with the flight; we’re all birdies.

  19. avatar
    Isabelle Creagh | 21 May 2006 at 4:11 am #

    Salvation is at hand!!

    I do not kid.

    You need to see an osteopath. It seems you have not tried this method of treatment before and I have to say I did all of the stuff you did too for a chronic neck/back problem and nothing sorted it like the osteo.

    The guy I see is called David Moor at 1 Church Street, Paddington – tel 9332 1677. He has treated many people I know all with great results…even long standing problems like yours. He’ll try and fit you in if you tell him you are travelling etc.

    Call him ASAP. He’s also a bass player so I’m sure he’ll get you sorted.

    Good luck with it.

    Isabelle C.

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 May 2006 at 4:13 am #

    We’ve all pitched in and arranged a first-class cabin for you on a Steamship…you have to pack your luggage in trunks and play coights all the way to London, which will take about three months…a good old fashioned deck chair should have that bung back of yours right as rain by the time you arrive..The Captain awaits your company…

  21. avatar
    backache and grief | 21 May 2006 at 4:29 am #

    Maybe the back is where you store your stress and grief. I know I store mine in my chest, I’ve had chest pains for like 14 years, feels like i was was in a car car accident and crushed my chest against the steering wheel. My old man had a massive heart attack really young, but I just had a ultra sound echo stress test done a few weeks ago and the doc(cardiologist) said my chances of having a heart attack in the next 10 years is like 1 per cent, so I guess its more psychological than physical although its taken me years to convince me of that and a number of tests as the pain is so very real.
    Some people store it in their back, some get headaches/migraines I get chest pains from grief stress etc.

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 May 2006 at 6:18 am #

    Your vertebraes maybe out of alignment – you need to try a different chiropractor, did the last one actually move anything? there’s a couple of manouvres they can do to straighten it up, best if you have a massage just before the manipulation

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 May 2006 at 7:22 am #

    I’m with you on the flying.
    Just had a dream last night of my fear of flight.A flight to europe no less!

    Bad business captain.

    Focus olde bean, i believe in you.

    Eno gave us music for airports.
    Perhaps you could give us a gilt trip of flite


  24. avatar
    lily | 21 May 2006 at 8:57 am #

    Steve, I’m sorry to hear that your back is still troubling you and now you have to suffer through a flight with the pain! I’m sending good vibes that your back feels better and the plane trip goes smoothly. I hate flying too. It is totally stressful and scary to me. I never understand how others can calmly read or enjoy the “food” or whatever while I’m white knucklin’ it! The stale air makes me feel ill, and then I usually have someone with an uncontrollable hacking cough next to me as well, and I just obsess over the germs trapped in the plane with me. It’s always unbearably hot in there too, and my overhead fan thingy is usually broken. I’m very much an earth girl. I have been known to literally run as I disembark and whirl around happily when my feet touch land again.

  25. avatar
    captainmission | 21 May 2006 at 9:45 am #

    pawn yr gold discs and get an upgrade into buisness class, enjoy being pampered by a team of beautiful girls in tight quantus uniforms, as they rub warm oil over your back and massage you until you fall into a deep sleep, awoken gently by the sound of tibetan bells, as a vegan karmic free meal is served up, washed down by a vintage pinot, later a charkra balance and that leaky aura gets all fixed up, arrive in Londinum, refreshed, revitalized and ready to rock and roll, ahhh, if only….

    ….its a horrid journey, take some drugs, practice your astral travelling skills, a good book helps, try ‘A Fine Balance’ by Rehan Minstry or ‘The Dark Materials’ Trilogy, they should draw your attension until you fly over france at least.

    I can’t think of a bloody question at all, except this, which is, ‘If you had to ask Steve Kilbey a intresting and stimulating question, what would it be?
    And what is the answer?
    Don’t try the old, ‘Oh that’s two questions routine, cos otherwise just give me the answer and i’ll work out the question.’

    Hope your back gets better, i’m sending out some healing vibes but you should try sleeping on your back on a very hard surface. Does wonders for mine.

  26. avatar
    AAA | 21 May 2006 at 9:55 am #

    Try China Airways with a giant tea urn full of boiling water rolling down the isle towards you!!!!!!!!!

    Oh yes a Question

    What is the point of the Eurovision Song contest? (Spelling not sure)

    Enjoy Europe >>>>>>>>>>>>>

  27. avatar
    dig | 21 May 2006 at 11:36 am #

    I read Will Self’s short story about how he got an upgrade on London to New York Vigin flight, a few days ago, very funny!Who knows maybe you’ll get the same treatment.
    Hope your back gets better.
    Have a good flight or just knock youself out on anything that works.
    Thought this was funny, a friend in london wrote to me the other day and said
    “you still sound crazy which is great. its that craziness which protects you from your true reality. why if you went sane all of a sudden then the shock would drive you crazy”
    I love the way some people think!

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 May 2006 at 2:12 pm #

    That really sucks, SK. I don’t like flying, and I can never fall asleep on a plane no matter how tired I am.
    Will PK and TP at least be with you on the flight? That could surely make it a little more bearable. Tim’s scrappy-looking enough to scare off any unwanted co-travellers.

  29. avatar
    sue cee | 21 May 2006 at 2:27 pm #

    “vive le differance, baybee” …catching up I confess.

    Amen sk, if I agreed with everything you said, there wouldnt be any point reading.

    Is God a scientist? not really a question aimed at you, but it could be.

    Sorry to hear your back’s still out, was gonna suggest tranquilizers too, hope it comes good by some miracle, cosmic massage or intervention (whichever works) by Wednesday!


    ps theres plenty of nasty habits that’ll scare off annoying passengers.

  30. avatar
    veleska1970 | 21 May 2006 at 2:37 pm #

    sorry about your back. i guess that’s from slinging a heavy guitar over your shoulder for so long.

    occupational hazard.

    sorry you don’t like flying.

    another occupational hazard.

    as much as it sounds redundant, just trying to relax is probably the best remedy for both. good luck.

  31. avatar
    davem | 21 May 2006 at 3:02 pm #

    I’m feeling guilty now about looking forward to the gig so much.
    I detest flying too. No matter how many fiendss I might have had if I’d been gifted with a talent like yours, I’d never have summoned the courage to jet about like you do.I’d have made ’em come to me!!
    I hope the backs ok too.Thinking of you.
    Love you more,


  32. avatar
    MendoMind | 21 May 2006 at 4:26 pm #

    This won’t help you by Wed. but living in Sydney you really should check out the Alexander Technique,
    it works miracles where all else has failed. I’ve been a certified teacher of the Technique for 23 years,
    and rarely has it failed to help someone who is interested in helping themselves. If you are interested
    check it out at It’s also very complimentary to your
    other discplines.

  33. avatar
    E | 21 May 2006 at 5:16 pm #

    I will only fly two hours from Genoa to London and back just in order to see you guys perform. I am a believer in the Church so I hope the good Lord will let these two flights fly smoothly…
    Btw Voltaren + Muscoril intramuscular injections for a few days will help you out. And I’d do an MRI scan to rule out disc herniation.


  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 May 2006 at 7:15 pm #

    i hate flying too, sk, especially post 9/11. I do lots of long flights, and even with a pain free back its a pain in the a….
    I wish you some recovery and relief. Well, maybe I will take you straight from the airport to the famous thermal baths here in Budapest. Did you know Hungary is very famous for its thermal baths? And we have the best ones here in Budapest. There is suppose to be lots of healing power in those waters. People come from all over Europe to try and ease various ailmants, especially back pain. I dunno about the healing power part, but it sure is relaxing.
    take care.

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 May 2006 at 8:44 pm #

    Hi Steve

    Probably neuromuscular and cuspidated.
    Quick fix –> Cabramatta
    Long-term –> Resistance training
    –> Core conditioning. You have weak abdominal muscles, so what are you going to do? Huh? Yes, that’s right!
    –> Equilibrium. When you bear the bass, balance the burden.

    Cu Vrare

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2006 at 12:21 am #

    Ice fer yer back– ice is yer friend– seriously–

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 May 2006 at 4:31 am #

    captainmission’s right about the osteo… much better and less dangerous too than the ‘quick fix’ jerk and yank of a chiro, even with some warm-up. the chiro’s done some damage to my shoulder i can still feel after eight months. found a great osteo who stretched some things out more than anything, and only actually saw him once. i added to the, yes, core strength excercises the chiro suggested with some from the osteo and as long as i don’t sit driving in the $&^^#@@(**&^ car too long, and sit erect at the puter, rather than lean/slump…

    the core excercises that are keenest for me are to balance on each side between the side of the heel and the elbow and lower forearm, keeping rigid and straight for about 30 secs per side. i do a couple per day… oh, and some half-sit-ups for the front. works wonders… good to do while listening to music/watching box… sorry to add to the torrent of advice but back pain is bloody miserable, sorry you’re going through it SK, and hope that the juice of crowd’s getting off is worth it somehow

  38. avatar
    Nick P | 23 May 2006 at 3:56 pm #

    Ah man, I really feel for you with the back pain. Valium works for me, but to each their own I guess.

    I hate the air on those long haul flights too. Never done it all in one go, i always break up that journey to NZ/Aus with a stoppover in LA. It’s the only civilised way.

    All i cans say is that we will try our very best to make your visit to our shores worthwhile.

  39. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 25 May 2006 at 7:17 pm #

    I’m with you baybee.
    En route to Boston from LAX.
    Engine blows up.
    Red ball of fire
    right outside my window.
    Land back in LAX.
    Most people re-book.
    I go home.

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